Fantastic.

So Japan. That long string of islands situated on the Pacific Ocean? Well let me tell you: Japanese people don't speak English. Also they have different cultural values than Americans. Or Europeans. Also Americans (and Europeans) might not agree with these values.
There you go I just described today's blog. I guess I don't really have to review it now so good bye-- oh all right I will. Absinthegaijin (doesn't make any more sense in English I assure you).
Absinthe is some sort of drug made out of wormwood and alcohol and a gaijin is a foreigner so go figure that out.

Had to go to the supermarket today at a truly obscene hour, midnight. For any spoiled Americans who might actually read this, did you know you have to bag your own groceries here?

OH MY GOODNESS THEY'RE LIVING IN THE DARK AGES!

Some scary old Japanese guy stopped his car right next to where I was walking and kept asking if I wanted a ride, I had to plead ignorance and go all doe-eyed dumb foreigner Me no understandy Japanesey on him. Thank goodness that tactic works.

Works in America too. If I don't want to deal with people I just pretend to be German.
Unfortunately the only German I know was either retained from high school or I learned it on the show Combat!, so I usually end up sounding like a Nazi.

Stopping your car by the side of the road, asking an adult woman to get in your car? That's serial killer creepy, my friend. LOL I half expected him to at least try to lure me with candy.

Well I'm certainly glad you're amused by your story because I'm bored shitless.

Just remember, never act confrontational or yell out police, tasukete or dameda, this will only encourage them.

Personally I'd yell IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN I SHALL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!

"No, you're being completely inappropriate." Chances are that should be enough to make any scary guy here go away.

Ha, ha great brotip to throw off serial rapists. "This sexual molestation is very inappropriate!" Goddamn my tips are better than you and I'm not even being serious. I'm being positively ZANY!

I don't really have to do this kind of stuff very often, though, Japan's pretty safe most of the time. If all else fails, I'm pretty sure I could win in a fight, drunk or sober.

Yeah you sound like you could win a fight. You sound like you're still a little bit panicked simply retelling it. I think that's a good way to win a fight: be really fucking panicked when it happens.
Guns are illegal in Japan so he likely doesn't have one, so that leaves a manly altercation: fists. Come on, keep your head together and you can win this. Remember, a fistfight isn't about who is strongest but who can strike fastest!

It's never gotten to that point, though. Just mildly frightening events, nothing worth writing about. Tonight was the first time someone actually scared me a little.

Well by your description Japan is a terrifying, Lovecraftian realm of demons waiting to rape you with baseball bat penises. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and all I have to fear is dying (naw dawg that ain't me) from criminals instead of being raped and scarred forever probably.
Wow that was kind of a downer.

Happier things................

Yes, captain ellipsis, let's think happy thoughts. So she's going to meet some guy and who gives a shit. You were more interesting when you were warding off rapists by telling them they were inappropriate.

I understand why he lets me talk, he's so shy. I wonder why Japanese people are so embarrassed to speak English in front of you? I always wonder about that..................

It's simple: they're ashamed of their accent/poor grammar. It's perfectly reasonable, and I'm ashamed for a lot of people who have shit grammar in their own fucking language, especially when they're talking to people who speak English as a second or even third language (who frequently manage better grammar skills than the idiot with whom they're talking).
In fact I've known Japanese people who understand English so well they're practically fluent but still refuse to speak in English. Usually you just talk to them in English and they respond in Japanese and as long as both parties know both languages it's no big deal.

Do they think we're all culture snobs who laugh at their linguistic mistakes behind their backs or make fun of their pronunciations when we're at home?

Most people I've encountered don't know you drop the "e" at the end of a verb when making it an active (-ing) verb, so no. No we are not as a people.

If that wasn't the case I might be introducing myself as watashi wa (name) desu with the u as opposed to the actual pronunciation where the u is silent.

A real pro at Japanese probably would exclude "watashi wa" as that's implied but we're getting off track.

The English language is a mess of useless silent letters and weird quirks. On that note, I can't believe those wacky Brits are getting rid of teaching i before e except after c ! Sad........

Because it's a bad idea with as many exceptions as there are words that follow it, so teaching kids it's a rule is confusing when they run into even elementary words that don't follow it like "weird".
Meanwhile in England they also teach kids that an ellipsis is three dots (...) instead of however many you can fit until you get bored and stop holding the period key down. Putz.

He took me to an American style bar here in my neighborhood ( I think he knows my neighborhood better than I do) and we talked forever. I still think he let me talk too much, but he said he didn't mind......... I always wonder about that, though.

I find your choice of words interesting. He "let you talk" as opposed to what I would naturally assume, "he listened".

Japanese people are so.....well, they call it polite. Where I'm from, we call it being waaaay too nice.

Well you're not in America anymore.

I guess I'm worried I was just as uninteresting and annoying as I felt, talking all the time.

You are. I'm not too shy (hush, hush) or whatever you want to call it to say it.

Sigh.........hazukashii eigo, I guess. So cute, so shy, so likable.

UGUUUUUUU.

He likes cats, actually has a cat, laughs at my jokes, can't cook and has a mystery job. I guess he's a little strange, too, but I like him. Strange or not, I like his company. Besides, I'm a little quirky myself.

I kind of wonder about his mystery job, though.............
Oh my no he's probably a spy or an assassin or something.

Sounds like a WACKY ROMANTIC COMEDY ANIMU/MANGO if I've ever heard one.
He's trying to hold a steady job as a yakuza hitman while romancing a woman! An American woman (ooo)! How will he balance his career as a hitman, his soul eternally pledged to Ares in the name of bloodshed and slaughter (whoa turn for the violent) and his romantic life?
I'd watch this. Especially if Ares is in it.

So yeah.....mystery job. What does he do? I wouldn't really care, but since I don't know, I really wonder.............. Man, I really hope it's not illegal or unethical. I doubt he's a gangster, he doesn't look the type..............

:3

I'm off to Kichijoji, reviews forthcoming

Sounds familiar. Didn't half of Shin Megami Tensei 3 take place there?

Saw a lovely image that made me a little nauseous.

Some J-pop star Gackt in a SS uniform.

Ha, ha I didn't know that fagort Gackt had that level of troll in him.

Do you have to be stupid to be shocking nowadays? Can't you do something besides wear the uniform of someone who tried to commit genocide against whole groups of people (the Jewish, the homosexuals, etc.)

Well it was either that or the KKK uniform.
So now this blog, as if it needed more of it, takes a turn for the Freudian. Let's put on our psychology hats.

I want a Japanese wife to make me bento lunches.

All right. Nothing wrong there I suppose. I'd say it's a little strange since you proclaim to be a heterosexual woman but whatever.

I know it''s an impossible dream.

No, also apparently she's serious because if this were a joke it would have ended before now. Presumably, anyway. I mean I know she sucks at sarcasm or comedic timing but I have difficulty imagining she's this inept from what I've seen thus far.

I want it anyway. I want little nori cut out hearts on top of rice, I want radishes carved into flowers, I want a cute little lunch full of love.

All right now it's getting Freudian. She cleverly hides this weird pseudolesbian (that's a word) fantasy by saying this:

I want to stop eating Kombini and restaurant food.

but that makes it even more suspect in my mind.
I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO BANG JAPANESE WOMEN (not faulting you there I might add) I JUST CRAVE HUMAN CONTACT AND ALSO FOOD PREPARED BY PEOPLE I KNOW :( wouldn't this be more framed around, I don't know, finding a boyfriend or something if that were the case?

Yeah, occasionally I cook, but not like that. That is crazy anal-retentive food made by perfect people with too much time on their hands.
Japanese housewives. Man, I want one.

All right finally we get to it. There it is: "perfect people". There are, of course, any number of ways to analyze this entire fantasy, but here's what I believe to be the actuality of her subconscious in this case:
Firstly I'd like to note that her view of "perfect people" isn't the common weeaboo archetype of Japanese people as a whole, or even all Japanese women: it's specifically Japanese housewives.
Also this goes beyond preferential mate choice of "I'd prefer to marry a Japanese woman," specifically or "I'd prefer to marry an Asian woman" in general. This fantasy seems wholly self contained and married to a culture she is part of, but not native to, that I suspect this fantasy wouldn't work with a woman of any other ethnic identity. This is noted particularly in her vocabulary choice: nori has a perfectly working word in English (seaweed), but she opted not to use it, ostensibly to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality.
Secondly this fantasy seems divorced from sexual connotations. There is love, but it seems more platonic, even philial, than romantic.
So, in the interest of not running this into the ground, I'd like to propose that she wants to be the Japanese housewives and that last sentence would probably do better with word "be" (as in "I want to be one"). Of course, knowing this is impossible as she, no matter how ingrained into the culture, will never be Japanese (hence the degredation of "I can't cook like that"), so we have a simple projection fantasy where she desires to be with herself in another form.
And there's my master thesis. I have entitled it: "female weeaboos in the wilds of the internet and the projection of persona".
So how about that? Come for the jokes, stay for the amateur essays on psychology.

They should call you Shakespeare

BECAUSE YOU SURE WRITE A LOT OF DRAMA. Shakespeare actually wrote more comedies than tragedies no one cares. Actually if we're being technical comedy is a form of drama, but whatever, as I said no one actually cares.
There so now that I killed the official lamest joke I've ever told, here we are.

Don't worry, love. I'm going to throw up, I'm going to clear out my digestive tract, I'm going to make myself pure and everything will be all right. And I'll hear the birds chirp and see the sun rise (maybe), hug Mike really tight and everything will be all right.

Gross. Keep away from me, please.

No. What am I kidding myself? What is bothering me? What, in all honesty, could I vomit up to make this better?

Your-- wait, no, no I lost it. I don't know.

My mortality? Yes. I'm attempting in vain to vomit up my own mortality.

Fuck I was going to say "your asshole" then I realized that didn't actually make a lot of sense, but it sure as fuck made more sense than your dumbass answer. I need to have more confidence.

Because I don't know how to fix this. We aren't immortal. Not in the way we'd like to be.

I'm fine with being mortal. You're the one with a problem. Ever run across an immortal in a book or on TV that wasn't an asshole? I rest my case.

Because one day we all will die and this all will end and everything I do in life will go away forever.

Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt? as they say.

However, maybe I'll be okay with being mortal. Someday. Maybe, like I grew out of teenagedom, I'll learn to grow out of my fear of death. BUT. In order to get there, I've got to stop treating. My body. LIKE SHIT. In order to get to that age!

Or you could keep doing what you're doing and SURPRISE HEART ATTACK WHEN YOU'RE FIFTY. LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON. TIMELY REFERENCE.

Hey you. Yeah. Yeah you. Looking for a good time?

Not from you, Vomitus Timormortalis. (I don't even know what that means).

Yeah, I bet you do. You want some of this?

I just said no, jeez.

This hula hoop?

So randum xD

With all the social anxiety that I've had my entire fucking life that's led me to this miserable position, Mike says I may qualify for a prescription for Xanax.

Practically everyone qualifies for a Xanax prescription. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
On the other hand Xanax does kick ass, even if it is a bit if a pussy drug. I think it's a perfect fit for you, pusscakes :3
Ah there's a picture of you shoving your big fat face into some snack food. Enjoying that while your heart becomes further choked with plaque? One day those valves will slam shut and the end~ no I'm just trying to scare you.
But seriously keep eating those "Cheddar Bunnies" and see where you end up.
Oh that's your friend.
Well my point still stands.

Life is fucking awesome

I'm sorry but this is a little weird to be reading after you just had a three entry meltdown about I'M GOING TO DIE ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE MY IMMEDIATE LIFE IS THEREFORE MEANINGLESS! bullshit. Can you pick one stance, please? What is life, pointless or awesome? I'd trust you to develop some sort of adult perspective like "maybe it's both" or "maybe things aren't quite as black and white as they seem" but then again this is a Livejournal user I'm talking about.

You know you're broke when you have to pass up trips to Hall Road area in favor of being able to get to an unpaid film job that may get you some in's in the LA industry next week.

There's a huge difference between "may" and "near impossibility".

(35$ WILL last me thru next week! I am getting really good at this game. Then I have a bit more work with Amir next week to get me until a POSSIBLE job? Maybe? We can hope?)

"We" sure can hope, but meanwhile you're still dirtbag poor, poorfag.

Well. Hey. At least I have friends. Even if I can't afford to see them.

Ha, ha oh you card. SEEING THE SILVER LINING IN EVERYTHING, EH? Well hey, how's this for a silver lining? If you get really desperate you can always kill your friends, eat their meat, tan their skin for leather and suck the marrow right out of their bones.
That's your real ticket to fame, kid. Become a notorious serial killer.

Trying to keep cool and pretend that I've been on thousands of film sets and that dealing with people on the West Coast is nothing new.

Always a good way to get a job. Pretend to be a smartass know-it-all.

Completely geeked out. I almost can't handle myself.

That means she's on coke, people. I know all about 80s West Coast DEVIANT lingo.

HEY GUYS! LET'S DO LUNCH AND TALK ON CELL PHONES AND MAKE MOVIES AND SHIT LIKE THE REAL HOLLYWOOD TYPES DO!

A PERSON TALKING ON A CELLPHONE? THAT COULD ONLY BE A HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER!

Suddenly aware of my own mortality.

Oh hi, back to this.
I can't say I missed it, no.

Feeling like I could die any second, standing at the gasoline pump just waiting for it to explode, for the bullet to fly through my window, for the car to run me down.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU COULD DIE AT ANY MINUTE. LITERALLY. So what do you do? You lockdown like a real pussy. That's your problem, kid. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS.

Looking at the world through a critical eye and feeling like everything is pointless and we're all just waiting to die.

Holy fuck what a circlejerk of reasoning. I could (focus on could) die at any minute, therefore life is meaningless. Life is meaningless because I could die at any minute. I could die at any minute, so life is mean--

FUCK IT! I'm breathing. Life is good. GOTTA RUN!

:3c back to this, I see.

Whenever Mike does something cool, (like getting free internet in our house through all sorts of networking shit I don't understand) he goes out and smokes a cigarette.

Read: Mike connected to a neighbor's network. Very naughty, Mike. That's a crime, I think. Then you let your girlfriend blab about it on the internet. Very not smart, Mike.

What a bad ass.

Yeah I totally connected to that unprotected wireless network. I totally did that. Don't mind me, I'm just like Angelina Jolie from that movie Hackers. Way to go Mike, you badass. I know who's getting some tonight. It's you, you stud.

I love city streets in the summer. This is all I will say.

>This is all I will say (as if this is delicate information)
>post continues for 3 paragraphs
hmm.

I really hate that phrase, "Better to be safe than sorry."

Safety in the long run is no safer than exposure. I'd rather progress.

That-- doesn't even really make sense but whatever.
EVEN SAFETY ISN'T SAFE. SHIT, MAN.
SO FUCKING HEAVY.
Well this is a bunch of bullshit GOOD BYE~

Hi, Pussy

Ha, ha men with blogs. They might as well be women with blogs because barring any admission of name (hi Aaron) they all sound identical: whiny, vaguely emotional cunt going on about shit nobody cares about. Man or woman it's largely irrelevant because they're all twats.
So Aaron, then. Aaron has a journal entitled "Aaron" which is just one step above naming your blog "Man" on the creativity spectrum but all right I won't focus too much on it because at least it's not THE MIDNIGHT SCROLLS or some similar emo, pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

Ever since I got off the bus and set foot on campus, blood drive solicitors have practically been sucking the blood out of my neck.

So wear a gorget. You could also wear a bevor but personally I think a gorget looks manlier, and knowing men with blogs you'll need that leg up.

I haven't accepted any "asucd blood drive" slips and merely state "I'm gay" and continue to walk.

I didn't know gay people couldn't donate blood.

After beginning to feel that I should just get a sign, the latest solicitor stopped to talk to me after I said that I was gay.

Here's an easier way to get them to leave you alone: "no thanks."
Works all the time, even on campus.
"Want to join the Campus Crusade for Christ?"
"Only crusades I join involve Jerusalem, sorry."
There you go. Not everyone needs to know about your preference for men over women, fuck.

I guess it just sort made solicitors more human to me.

Soliciting for a blood drive, Christ. It's not like she was trying to sell you something. She probably volunteered thinking it was a nice thing to do (or look good on her transcript/resume, whatever) and here you are giving her shit about it. You're an asshole, sir.

I probably forget how fortunate I am, I should probably be a little more grateful. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming mean.

Mean, no. You do seem somewhat of a putz, though.

I find that I more and more frequently imagine myself yelling at someone else, or even beating them up.

Oh no, bad thoughts! Seriously no one can read your mind. As long as you don't repeat this aloud or act on it no one will know.

Or at least not abnormal. I don't even know if I want to be normal. We all need to be our "unique snowflakes", right?

... Not even sure what you're on about now, but no, not everyone "needs" to think they're unique.

Weather I will love (and hate, I'm sure), classes, teaching, piano, quartet, job, and hopefully a shit load of racket ball. It's so much fun!!!

Whether*
also sounds... Bleh. Enjoy your shitty life.
Now here's a post entitled "If I were a character on the oregon trail, I'd be the one suffering form exhaustion" which further proves you're a pussy. There are only two types of people in the world: the guy with 12 grandfather clocks in his wagon and a hat (and nothing else) who fords every river regardless of the currents or danger therein (or waits until the water thaws so he can ford it properly, none of that pussy walking across frozen ice. The Lord Jesus didn't die on a cross for us to just walk across) and people who die of dysentery.

I basically did the bitch work.

Maybe if you came across as "12 grandfather clocks" kind of guy instead of a pusscake (why is that a word according to Firefox and Blogspot?) frostbite victim you'd be doing some manly work.

HI CYBER BULLY!

For those of you who don't know, I have a cyber bully. His name is anonymous.

... Anonymous isn't an actual person.

We mostly talk through LiveJournal because he has thing...I hear it's going around actually... I think people are calling it "coward" or something?

Hey he may be a coward but you are, by your own admission, a bitch so shut up. Pussy.

His hobbies include saying 'fuck' and 'gay jew', he has this anti-semitic-but-still-in-the-closet thing happening.

Wow high five to this brother-in-arms. He got this guy butthurt by calling him a gay Jew. That's it. Two words. Also it's not offensive if it's the truth. You admit to being gay and apparently you're a Jew, so nothing wrong there. No reason to get BUTTHURT by it like you did, anyway.

It's like...learning something that he never did. Character...attitude...manners...the ability to insult someone without racial slurs...

Oh wow, are we still on this? Brotip: he has already won by getting a five paragraph butthurt speech out of you regarding this. He said two words. You said five paragraphs.
Here I have a new historical figure you should aspire to: Götz von Berlichingen. He was a German knight and a mercenary, and after his arm got blown off by a cannon (awesome) he invented one of the world's first prosthetic limbs. He also coined the term "kiss my ass" in his downtime between wars. He's the first person who has ever had to be toned down for other media because no one would believe someone this awesome actually existed. I got this idea when I was thinking of you wearing a gorget (something the historical Götz von Berlichingen would do, not because he's afraid of getting his neck cut, but because he was watching out for any vampire fuckers). You can bet no one ever butthurt him. Even the guy that blew his arm off with a cannon. He probably high fived the guy with his remaining hand.

I had been having some boy...issues? There were issues and boys were around at the time. Idk.

Me neither, bro.

Anyways, I think this is something I may want to work on for a long time, maybe into the summer.

ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS GUYS
ANYWAYS

I watched a TED conference online (which you should all check out: TED.com) that was talking about how to listen to music.

They'll have a conference about anything, won't they? Here's how I listen to music: with headphones.
ANYWAYS GUYS I'm going to do something that isn't this so ANYWAYS I'll see you later guys ANYWAYS.

Oh good.

Whenever I see a journal with this background I know it's good reading. What kind of birds fly around at night like that? Owls mainly, but those look like gulls. I don't really know much about birds or things that happen outside in general so perhaps all kinds of birds do that but it seems out of place to me.
But I'm getting off topic. Today we have THE MIDNIGHT SCROLLS which sounds like something you might have to steal in an Elder Scrolls game if you're part of the thieves guild.

I can't sleep.

I've been thinking about a nightmare I had that made me wake up shaking in terror. And I'm almost having a panic attack now just thinking about it.

Huh. This is already registering high on my "who gives a shit?" meter.

I don't remember what most of the dream was about but it ended in a plane crash, spiraling down to earth. I was screaming, closing my eyes thinking this is the end of my life. I look at dad and david who were next to me in tears and they seemed to be perfectly calm about it. Then I started saying this prayer:

She then goes on to write the entire prayer. It's the Lord's Prayer, I think. You know, "Our Father who art in heaven..." shit.

I was cut off on that very sentence and my entire world went black and dead silent. Then I woke up. The reason why I'm scared out of my mind is because it felt like a vision of my own death and I suddenly have a very bad feeling about the florida trip in July... almost as if something is telling me to stay home.

Something... OR SOMEONE!

But it's too late. my plane tickets had been already purchased, sealing my fate.

No, if your fate was sealed you'd be on the plane already. Also it would be crashing as you type this. You could just as easily not get on the plane even though you have tickets, or most probably get on the plane and have nothing happen, because contrary to what many ancient people believed, your dreams aren't actually a window into the future or past.
Although shit maybe you are predestined to die on this plane and that's why you can't fathom not getting on it because it's ordained to happen.
That seems exceedingly unlikely and contrary to reason but hey, I'm just leaving it open to be philosophically correct.

And the chilling thing is, Lincoln and Kennedy both dreamed about their fates as well. And...you know what happened after.

I've dreamed about a lot of stupid shit. Recently I had a dream that a wolf ate me. And yet, here I am. Typing this about you. But if I do see a wolf go for the nuts I'll be ready because I'm looking out for it. I'm going to punch that wolf right in the spine. No dire wolf motherfucker is going to chomp down on my lower extremities.

It makes me want to live instead of dying. but... i just don't want to continue living like the way I am now and missing out on so much due to lack of opportunity and money... *sigh*

Well that came out of left field. IT NEVER REALLY DAWNED ON ME UNTIL I HAD A PLANE CRASH DREAM (one of the most common schemes in modern dreaming, I might add) BUT I PREFER BEING ALIVE TO BEING DEAD.
Hey, that's the living peoples' bias. You just say that because you're alive. Being dead might kick way more ass than being alive, but you don't know because you're living. I say it's impossible to know. Even if it is nothing when you die (likely) you certainly won't be around to notice, so don't think about it.

I feel much better today compared to yesterday... thank god...

What scares me the most is that one day i'm going to snap from emotional buildup trapped inside of me...

Wow then you might be even more obnoxious than you are now. You, even more melodramatic? I don't even want to think about that.

I'm not okay anymore.

I feel so emotionally burned out from everything that I feel as if I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

>emotionally burned out
>emotional buildup
pick one, please.

I've been lacking motivation, strength, and the desire to do anything. I'm even having trouble finding the energy and desire to get into tech school, even though I know that it's something I've been wanting to do badly and create a better future for myself.

I wasn't aware tech school was something you had to be accepted for. I thought you just paid and showed up. Graduating from there is another issue, but I thought acceptance was pretty much guaranteed.

It's also been four months and I still can't draw a halfway decent picture. I got about a month subscription before i go back to a basic deviantART account. Four months wasted without a single update, which makes me feel terrible.

Where the fuck is that Deviant Art account? I have to see this behemoth.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Ha, ha, ha somehow I'm both surprised and not surprised that it's made up entirely of furry art.
>Favourite style of art: Freehand
>everything she does is computer generated
Ha, ha oh wow.
Here is the opening of her self description in case there was any doubt she was a cunt:

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself?

Easy there, boss. You're clearly living a middle class existence, okay.

I woke up feeling achy today, especially with a sharp pain in my elbow. My knee cap also felt like it was made of liquid about to give away at any second.

I know how I would explain these bizarre and unexplained pains. Well I just woke up and I ache, so I must have slept funny. Her perfectly rational explanation: the weather. All right.

Then again, there was a huge thunderstorm last night. and there's supposed to be more tonight. I wonder if that could be it. It's weird how people could feel such things moments before a storm... Does that ever happen to you?

No it sure does not but then again I'm not mentally ill so maybe it would. If I had a mental illness, that is.

Quite honestly there was several reasons why I was in special ed.

:3

I was born with fetal alcohol syndrome which gave me all these battles with mood disorders. I had a learning disability in math which made it really difficult and painful for me to learn and understand the subject.

:3c

I really wish that people would learn to look at my situations as a whole before they start judging me.

Nope not gonna happen.

Unless if they lived my life, they will never understand how hard it is to deal with things and I have to work on things rather slowly in order to have problems ride out smoothly. And they should also read about social anxiety and social phobia as well, which is another big problem I have with meeting new people.

Oh well boo-fucking-hoo. Also no, I don't have to have lived your life to judge you for it. No one else besides Hitler has ever been Hitler and no one (including you) has any trouble calling him a tyrant, now do they? So no, I can sit here and call you a cunt from my computer without even knowing your first name.
Also you might think having "fetal alcohol syndrome" (which you might not even have. I know your kind. You'll try anything to get pity on the internet) would get you off the hook with me, but I continue to be unimpressed.

my biggest problem with that is breaking the ice and coming up with things to talk about.

Just let other people do the talking about just mirror their sentiment. I know nothing at all about any sport and I've had protracted conversations with jocks about football just because I listen to what they say and repeat their thoughts with slightly different wording.
You'd be fucking amazed how often that works. Most people aren't looking for intelligent conversation, they're looking for parrots to repeat their feelings back at them so they can feel accepted by others.
Oh but what you'd have to pay attention to someone other than yourself for five minutes to know this, so oh sorry. YOU HAVE PHOBIAS, I FORGOT.

I hated that dark, moody side of me.

Oh what's this new side of you called, then? Cheery McSunshine?

I used to be pro choice...but now I'm not so sure anymore. While the concept of killing an unborn child is very wrong, I am not going to shove my opinions on others and force them to believe in pro life. It's really their decision to make and whatever choices they make they will have to live

Stop. I-- what the fuck was that? I'M NOT REALLY PRO-CHOICE, I'M JUST GOING TO DESCRIBE THE PRO-CHOICE PLATFORM NOW AS WHAT I AM. idiot.

In this day and age, we may have to with out of control hormones among young people and lack of proper education from the majority of parents everywhere.

What the-- oh I see. That's probably the most awkward sentence I've read in recent memory.

I'm not a true emo- just really sensitive and touchy. I sometimes want a boyfriend yet I don't.

Emofag.

I think I'm a complete mystery and a series of contradictions...

Yeah you're just impossible to figure out.

And she's right. It can't rain all the time right?

Move to Maryland and ask that again. The answer is that yes, in fact, it can rain forever.
If it's not raining it's overcast, hi welcome to Maryland~
Well all in all this was a boring entry and you should probably feel bad for being so dull despite constant bitching and moaning.

OH MY GAH

Today's blog is entitled "I Am A Person......" (five periods [three make an ellipsis, brotip]) and I think we're dealing with a cunt. I haven't read any of this yet, but it has to be. I'm going in blind because I am so firm in my faith that this is a cunt that I don't even need to prescreen this to ensure it's A+ material.
Seriously, "I Am A Person"? Why? What kind of redundant nonsense is that? No, I was expecting a sentient dog to be writing this.
The first post is entitled something really long that ends with "a casual theory by a casual amateur (no comma between adjectives -1 for grammar, -4 additionally for it being the title) scholar". This is quite obviously literary theory because only litfags and commoners can get away with using the term "theory" so loosely.

Jumping into the sea of ancient literature, I can't help but notice how badly poorly women were treated.

Oh hi just thought I'd upgrade your grammar. Also I'd probably take off the first part (before the comma) because it's fairly redundant but whatever it's your essay go ahead. Also ancient peoples weren't exactly known for their progressive thinking on women or slavery or pretty much any human rights issue so don't take it personally.

Women were often given as prizes along with other spoils of war. If they had extra-marital affairs, they were branded as whores, and sometimes even executed.

Not necessarily. In Sparta for instance both women and men were encouraged to have children outside of marriage and child raising was seen as a job for the society as a whole to foster camaraderie.
Also in China women could successfully obtain divorces from their husbands during some dynasties.
Might want to be careful with sweeping generalizations like that.
Good grief this is both boring AND stupid.

I went over my list of goals again today. The one I made about....3 years ago?

I've actually done more than half of them. It surprised me.

Ha, ha goals. Let's see.

1. Read The Most Important Books That Have Influenced The World.

Jesus stop with this font. This is ruining EVERYTHING in my post. Also I bet you only made it as far as Gilgamesh before quitting. Quitter.

I've read the first two on the list so far: The Epic of Gilgamesh, and The Egyptian Book of the Dead.

Oh you made it two in. Double, in fact, the length I expected. Congrats.

I re-started reading the Illiad last night.

Well hope that works out for you. Also it's only one "l". The Iliad.

I had the WORST. TAROT. READING. EVER. yesterday.

Well good thing it's superstitious nonsense.

If tarot cards are accurate, I'm going to have one hell of a Summer.

They're not. End of discussion.

It's my birthday.

So far, it's been sucking, because I can't fucking get to sleep. Yes, I'm still scared, but it's not the only thing keeping me awake. I'm sick of sleeping on my brother's cheap futon. It's been two weeks, and it's getting old. Whenever I try to sleep, I get this panicked, trapped feeling, and I start getting restless.

Time to put on my Sigmund Freud glasses.

I even woke my boyfriend up once. He's sleeping on the floor, and it drives me crazy. I struck at a time when he was half-awake. I gently put my arms around him, just for a second, and he woke up, and I scared the bejesus out of him. I didn't want to freak him out, I just wanted a few seconds to not be alone in this insomniac hell.

Great disturb the people who can actually sleep. I know something that'll help you sleep: read one of your own posts.
So longer post slightly less long: princess can't sleep because she wants a blanket. Solution: get a blanket.
Wow this was difficult.

As much as I love my brother, I could never live with him. We just aren't compatible in that way.

In what way is that? The creepy, incestuous way?
Now here's a quiz result that's calling her wise, which is funny because I was thinking the exact opposite. Remember, true wisdom comes not from understanding others, but understanding yourself. I read that on a fortune cookie once I think.

I come close to doing these things, but then I don't. It's because I remember things.

YOU KNOW THINGS AND SHIT MAN? IT'S, LIKE, DEEP OR SOMETHING!

I'm still weak. Because I'm so angry, because I'm opinionated, people think I'm strong. They think I don't take any crap from people.

They have obviously never read your blog before, to think you're strong.

They marked me as a rival and used me as some type of ego benchmark, like,"At least I beat Tracy at this, at least I can do this thing that Tracy can't do."

Sleep with her boyfriend. That'll get her goat.
Or, even better, sleep with her father. That's something she can never do.
Yes, collapse her parents' lives. I am a genius.

They also copied me. Things I would say, opinions, feelings, pop culture obsessions.

Cool that means you're the leader.

No matter how many times I'd repeat the mantra,"Imitation is the highest form of flattery." it didn't take away the fact that they stole opportunities away from me, turned friends away from me, and orchestrated things in such a way that I wouldn't be able to make it to certain social functions.

So be harder to copy. Just get into something they can't possibly follow you on. The problem is you're so damn boring any good idea you have is so bland it could easily fit in with anyone. Also what's your original idea? I read your list, it was shit like "start a band" and "write a book!" Yeah no one has ever done these things before. Not... Every high school kid ever.

I'm bad at dealing with subtle insults.

Well if you slept with all their boyfriends like I was advocating you'd immediately have a leg up on any insult ever, no matter how much of a sick burn it is.
"Your cunt smells rotten."
"yeah well your boyfriend disagrees."
OH SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.
High five you miserable whore!
Oh, by the way, you can't win with me. You're always something bad to me.

The rudeness that people direct to you that you can't quite put your finger on. I'm a straight-forward person. After a few toothy remarks, I start yelling. Then they pull the whole,"Ohhh, why are you so mean to MEEE!? What have I done? People always hate me...." It's like, no shit people hate you. You're so god damn rude and drippy.

... So say that? "Everyone hates you. You will miss everything cool in life and die angry."

Moral of the story: don't hang around people who purposefully make you feel like crap.

Only took you 21 years. I'm proud.

HOLY SHIT I LOVED IT! IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME, OMG, EMBALMING FLUID IN THE MOUTH? ARE THEY TAKING INSPIRATION FROM MY DREAMS?

Yes, Sam Raimi, who directed The Evil Dead, Army of Darkness and Darkman needed protips for how to make a creepy movie from your dreams. Putz.

There was this TOTAL dudely bro at the theater.

Did you highfive him?

Ok, this is disgusting and creepy, so don't read it if you....are delicate or something.

Well if you can handle it I'm sure I can, Mrs. "I need the lights on after seeing a horror movie".

My brother got crabs from something, probably a public restroom. I might have it too,

... Oh my no. I was being, to use a popular 19th century term, "flippant" when I called you out on incest, but apparently I was being rightly accurate.

so I used chemical shampoo for pubic lice just in case. We're detoxing his apartment as well. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

So Tracy (that's her name by the way hi Tracy) has crotch critters, but that's not half as serious as incest with her brother. Double gross.

Your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?

"I'M PREGNANT WITH MY BROTHER'S SPAWN! ALSO IN BEFORE A GOD PUNISHES ME LIKE I'M IN OVID'S METAMORPHOSES!" Myrrha turned into a Myrrh tree for having an incest baby with her own father, Tracy can turn into... Err...

NOOOOOOOOO! Time to get an abortion...

An abortion because if she let it gestate it'd have flippers. That's the unspoken part, I know it.

Can you do the Crank Dat dance?
I don't understand a single word you just said.

AREN'T YOU LUCKY. (type "Soulja Boy" into Youtube).
Well for two entries in a row I have enjoyed this. Usually it's kind of boring but Tracy and Ralph or whatever were interesting people. Not people I'd like to know, mind, but they were certainly characters. Ralph for being a barely closeted homosexual and Tracy for having an incestuous relationship with her brother.

Χρόνος

Chronos. God of time, I think. Not to be confused with Cronus, a Titan, and father of Zeus (among others). Like many primordial deities, is more a footnote of mythology. He is usually depicted as incorporeal and beyond the understanding of mortals, and likewise he doesn't really involve himself in the affairs of mortals. Unlike Nyx, Ouranos and Erebus,who don't feature particularly heavy into the pantheon but had children who did, Chronos is kind of off by himself, alone, not bothering anyone~
So imagine my surprise when I found he has a blog. I guess when you have the Zodiac wheel to turn for all eternity you'd start spinning your own wheels with shit like this.

Lmfao. I tried to order an iPhone 3GS, and clearly something's "wrong" and they won't let me pre-order one. (Probably can't complete the credit check because I've moved so recently?)

I always wonder about people like this. I RECENTLY MOVED AND THE CREDIT COMPANY PROBABLY HAS YET TO UPDATE MY INFORMATION AND APPLE ISN'T DUMB ENOUGH TO SEND AN iPHONE TO SOMEONE AT A DIFFERENT ADDRESS THAN THE ONE ATTACHED TO THE CREDIT CARD, BUT SOMEHOW THIS IS APPLE'S FAULT!
No, dude, it's you. Wait until you're settled in before ordering shit offline, please?

Okay so it's exactly one month until my birthday, and the release of M10! XD Which would also make it my niece's 23rd birthday (Which also happens to be the birthday of Jeph Jacques over at Questionable Content) and... yeah. :P

What

ALSO: Hoshinosasayaki (Whisper of the Stars, I believe?) sake is ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS OMG. Had it last night, yum-tastic. XD

Somehow I don't think I'm dealing with the Lord of Time anymore.

I was going to say that nothing is quite as frustrating as feeling like you need something but having absolutely no clue what it is that you need, or feel you need... but then I realized that knowing and being really embarrassed about it is probably worse. Then again, maybe it interchanges frustration for... there's a word I'm looking for.

Whoa, easy there, boss. I have paragraphs like this sometimes, where I start writing it and then kind of lose track of my point halfway through, but I go back over it and say "wow I really lost it here" and delete it. You really don't need to include every thought you have in these things. Some sort of editing would probably help you get your fucking act together.

People that can eat wasabi: HOW? Dear lord, I got the tiniest little speck of green on my California rolls and my throat is burning! O_O;

Pussy.
Oh, here is a comment:

AAAAH THANK YOU PETER, YOU BRING ME CHAI LATTES. THEY MAKE THE DAY BEARABLE. ♥

Hi Peter. At least now I know I'm dealing with a dude (I wasn't entirely certain before, to be honest). "Peter" is an appropriate name because that is exactly what you are.

I wimped out on the exotic burger and just tried to get some popcorn shrimp, which they didn't have, so clam strips it was! half of that meal's still in my fridge. I was hungry and craving fried (which I typoed as "friend" initially. NO I DO NOT WANT TO EAT Y'ALL!) food so I made sure we got some cheese sticks and onion rings too. *_____*

>y'all
I like how he wimps out eating alligator but doesn't seem to have problems with eating shrimp, which are essentially UNDERWATER COCKROACHES.

I tried a scoop of the chocolate and a scoop of the vanilla bean. The chocolate was really disappointing

How can chocolate ice cream be disappointing? Either they really fucked up or you're not really sure of what chocolate ice cream is. It's not like it's an EXOTIC FLAVOR. It's in the name: it's chocolate, and it's ice cream. Put the two together. SHIIIIIIIIT.

I am so boring :P But Irfaan and Erin aren't! XD

No shit. Also no, I'm sure your friends are boring too. Boring people are friends with boring people.

Heading to bed. Will post about evening adventure when I'm not paying attention at work tomorrow.

You are why the economy is shit right now. If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.

Maybe you have to have witnessed 300 pedobear replies before this one becomes funny, but it really made me laugh.

PEDOBEAR THAT'S REALLY FUNNY! HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN GOATSE? THAT WEBSITE IS REALLY GROSS! HI, I'M NEW TO THIS WHOLE ANONYMOUS THING LULZ XD ANONYMOUS IS LEGION LOLXD. Die.

And you know you've been reading too much XKCD when 6 and 9 really do look like little people, or really fucking dirty.

On a totally unrelated topic (shit I care about) I just hit level 69 today on FFXI. Surprisingly fewer sex jokes than I expected ensued.

Ugh. Keeping windows open to try and cool the apartment means that last night as I came downstairs to brush my teeth I got a bunch of drunken fucks looking in and laughing at me in my underwear. Not good for one's esteem... o_x;

Holy shit Peter, where do you live? I'd invest in a gun, bro. Also you're a guy, dude. You're not supposed to have esteem about your body. It's just fucking there. That shit is for girls to be insecure about.
Also for your gun you're going to want something effective but also threatening to be staring down the barrel of. I mean I'd be threatened by any gun, but know you you'd buy a chick's gun, and then everyone is just going to laugh at you. You should definitely get a shotgun. Then just carry the stock when you're not about to use it so people know you mean business.

My apartment manager called me and left a voicemail, and was very... circuitous. It made me feel really nervous O_o; I guess we'll see when I get home tonight what's going on :S

See if you had a shotgun stock in your hand when you met her she'd never leave you another voicemail. Barring that you could still get an axe handle or something. Or at the very least a tire iron or an axle or something.

LMFAO. When people roam into our office unsolicited and they aren't delivering a package, I have an immediate dislike of them.

Hey, me too! Only if by "office" you mean "everywhere" and by "unsolicited people" you mean "everyone".

They then try to sell us something. I want to tell them GET THE FUCK OUT OH MY GAWD IF I COULD CAST FIREBALL I SO WOULD RIGHT NOW RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!

Oh what. Also, shotgun stock. I'm telling you. And if they keep at it just pull the barrel out from under desk and say "we're only a couple of minutes away from a real problem."

LMFAO. They wanted a business card and Peter said, "Nope!" *roflmfao* OH I LOVE YOU PETER. XD

Oh, so you're not Peter? Good grief, this is getting too confusing. You're Peter. Even if you're a girl, which you might be. Also lol, XD, roflmfao, etc. I'd have a HILARIOUSREACTIONIMAGE.JPG but I don't feel like finding one so just imagine one to amuse yourselves.

Thinking more about D&D than work. This could be bad. Come on, Jake! Think! :P At least I'm coming up with some amusing crap. :P

Jake. Hi, Jake.

Sat down, started watching a couple ANTM clips that I really enjoyed, and I see this HUGE flying bug fly right in front of me, and... uuuuugh it was so gross. It was like a mosquito meets a daddy-long-legs, basically.

Catch it between two chopsticks like Mr. Miagi taught you.
For some reason I imagine you as a Ralph Macchio clone so that felt like an apt reference even if I'm the only person who understood the connection.
In case the entire reference is lost on anyone, it's the Karate Kid.

I went to take a shower, thought to myself "Hell, I feel like taking a bath!"

Cool story, Ralph. I mean Peter. I mean Jake. You.
Now he's posting some pictures of some girls asking who, in my estimation, is the most attractive but I'm not falling for it, err, Jake. You're clearly gay and this is a poor subterfuge. (what guy takes a bath and admits to it?)
Also all three of them look kind of peculiar. The first one might be a dude, and the other two are making very odd faces, like maybe someone is forcing them to smile for the photo. I'm very uncomfortable with this entire setup. Seems like the setup for a new Hannibal Lector movie, or maybe just a direct sequel to the first one. Somehow.

I'm a little bewildered that Apple charges $10 for operating system upgrades for the iPod touch.

Well it's not a patch, it's an upgrade!
(Fuck I -hate- having to use that clunky-ass iTunes to manage what's on my iPod. I hate iTunes.)
It's actually pretty fucking easy to use. Apple's entire gimmick is pretty much "computer for the average idiot who can't be bothered to figure fuck anything out at all." So if you can't manage iTunes, I have some bad news.
Well, Jake, I enjoyed this dalliance~

All right we need to talk

Japanese. Cut it out. We're finished here. Unless you are fluent I don't want to hear from you on the matter, even if it you are quoting native speakers, because usually you don't know where to start and stop quoting, so you get these bizarre half thoughts.
So here we have Kayluuuh's (Kayla I'm going to assume) journal.
The quote above her post's meaning has eluded me for the past fifteen minutes, despite even breaking out the dictionary and trying to piece it together. Well, given the context of her blog (GIRUGAMESH IS A SHITTY BAND AND YOU SHOULD FEEL SHITTY FOR LIKING THEM) it's entirely possible it's a stanza from one of their fantastic songs, in which case I'm an asshole for questioning the artistery of Girugamesh. It's Gilgamesh, guys. I know you don't have an "l" or much in the way of consonant clusters, but come on.

He's being so aggravating
It's my fucking money and I NEVER have money
FUCKKKKK
I'm buying Shoxx whether he likes me or not

And he's making me pay $89 on my phone bill cause AT&T sucks ass and doesn't tell you theres a charge for extracting data
That's retarded
So I can kiss that goodbye
I already feel like I have no money

Well as they say, "money is to be celebrated when in hand, not mourned when lost."

I bought that game for five bucks a couple of days ago and I started playing it yesterday
And holy shit that game is freaky
Usually survival horror games don't scare me
Well, Silent Hill and Siren kind of do but not really

Girls playing vidya gayms. "That game" refers to Clock Tower III. Also I like how she says "survival horror games don't scare me" then proceeds to list most of the heavy hitters in the survival horror genre anymore. Good work.

When your investigating and shit, they pop out of no where screaming "ALYSSA" or "I FOUND YOU" and crap like that
It scares the shit outta me
I almost shit my pants about fifty times last night

They're in a fucking video game they can't actually hurt you.

WATCH THIS and you'll see what I mean XD
(maybe I'm just a pussy)

There you go. Let's see--
Yeah you're a pussy.

It was pretty intense and awesome XD
AKSLJSLKDJSD FOUND IT

Fuck.
I'll tell you what's intense: how much of a douche you are.

I graduated from high school a little while ago
NOW I'MMA GO GET CRUNK

Kill yourself.

....I'll find something nice-ish and wear it both nights cause frankly, I don't care
I'm waaaaay to tired

Glad to see you're graduating high school and don't know the difference between "you're" and "your" (yeah I caught that) and "to" "too" and I'm going to assume "two" even though I have yet to see you use it.

It's my last day of "classes" today but I have to come to school all next week (save for memorial day and friday)
For finals and even after that so I don't n out of anything
I'm going to bomb three out of my four finals :D
Latin, Math, and English

Gee imagine you failing English and Latin. So far your language prowess has impressed the hell out of me.

My nose is all stuffed so I sound like an idiot when I talk
askdjhajksda d
I wanna go home
But I have to wait an hour TT_TT

I hope all my asshole friends are having fun sleeping while I suffer

I hope they're sleeping like babies knowing you're suffering.

This guy in the beginning of one of the many Ayumu dvds looks JUST LIKE HIM
Save for the fact that this dude has wicked gay tattoos
While Kaoru is like OMG HADOCOA DESU

>OMG HADOCOA DESU
>OMG HADOCOA DESUNow there's a long post about a dream she had that's debatably the dumbest thing I've read in recent memory (that's saying something).

Dude, I was talking to some chick on dA about Dir en grey
And I asked what her favorite album was
And she said "Withering to Death"

... I can't believe I'm reading this. If I could time travel ten years ago I'd love to ask myself where I saw myself in ten years. I bet I wouldn't pick something SO FUCKING PATHETIC.
I can't decide what's worse. The fact that she decided to commit this to posterity or the fact that I'm sitting here reading it. Even if it is to goof on her the joke is still kind of on me because I'm taking time to do this. I could be doing ANYTHING right now.

LOLWUT!?
Uhm yeah
No
Definately not
Don't get me wrong, I love WtD like I love all their albums buts it's DEFINATELY NOT their best

Oh hey guess what something subjective like taste in music can't be wrong.
Except, of course, for liking Dir en Grey. You can be wrong for doing that.

Kisou is
Without a doubt
Disagree and I will smite thee D<

I'd like to see you fucking try. Put your (what is assuredly) prodigious weight into it and I'm sure I'd be in trouble.
Ahh I'm above that joke. Fat people jokes, really, me?

WHY DOES EVERY ASIAN MALE REMIND ME OF G

AY PORN STARS NOW!? ;_____;

That's because you're subtly racist and think all Asians look the same.
Nice try, Hitler. You're not getting past me.

This kid in my gym class reminds me of this gay porn star Ayumu
So every time I see him I see gay porn in my head
He's making things very difficult XD

Of course knowing gay porn stars implies...
Eww fat girl masturbating to gay porn.

MY PHONE WAS FUCKING STOLEN
SO NOW I NEED A NEW ONE
AND MY DAD IS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE

No one can "make" you feel anything. You feel like an asshole because guess what?
Now here's a post entitled "JAPANESE PORN IS EXPEEEENSIVE :o"
reading this.

10,500 yen for School Days 3
wtf Go Guy Plus!?
...not that I would have payed for it anyways
But srsly that's a lot

Then again I don't know how much American porn costs

10,500 yen is about 105 US dollars. I don't even know what to say to this.

Aaaaand I thought Ayumu quit

But I was just on the website and there was a post from yesterday or something and Ayumu was on it
I guess once in the gay porn buisness, always in the gay porn buisness amirite?

"from yesterday or something" because you most assuredly can't read the difference.
(brotip: yesterday looks like this: 昨日)
Oh since you can't read that either just remember it's two boxes stacked on top of each other next to the letter E with some shit around it next to two bigger boxes stacked on top of each other. It's read as "kinou" but I doubt you'll commit it to memory because it's not a cute weeaboo word so don't worry about it.

Should I go to school tomorrow?

I really don't want to go to pre-cal or creative writng :/
And it's gonna be SO NICE OUT

BET YOU REGRET THAT NOW, HUH, MRS. "I'M FAILING ALL MY CLASSES"?

I always feel like a bubble head nurse or pyramid head are gonna come out of no where and kill me

Likely to happen considering they're both video game characters.

Why am I such a boring person?
Everyone always writes about the interesting shit that happens to them
And then my journals are all like
"AHAHA PANCAKES"

I find your posts not only boring but also vaguely disgusting.

Dude the people working on my roof are SO OBNOXIOIUS
Not only is their working loud enough
But their loud singing in Spanish makes it worse
COULD YOU HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOP

LE IN THE HOME PLZTHNX!??!

Yes, let's tell them to nail softer for the Japanese princess contained high aloft in her palace.

The cashier even turned to the other girl working there and said "Miru, kawaii ne?"Or something along the lines of that

GAINING ACCEPTANCE FROM PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW MOVING UP IN THE WORLD. Well this is boring now. Time to go do something not so fucking shitty~

Days amongst the filth-encrusted masses

Today I went out and braved the filth-encrusted masses. Usually I just sit in my palatial ivory tower and dictate yet another update to my robot assistant (known as a computer), and it reminded me of the exact same thing today's blog reminds me of: people are clinically fuck stupid. It's not just a passing "hurr durr" stupidity either, it's raving, dangerous stupidity. Like at any moment they may be a risk to themselves or the people around them. So today, Scraps and flotsam.
Scraps and flotsam is right. Also I hope you readers realize what I go through to get this shit together. I've had to copy every goddamn sentence of her stupid MICROFONT into notepad and paste it back into my stupid text editor here and it still goes to size .5 half the time STOP USING THIS FONT, PEOPLE. IT IS NOT CUTE, IT IS NOT EASY TO READ.

I don't believe this, I really don't. And I'm not sure if I should be worried or laughing myself sick. I never thought a person could be so scatterbrained, but apparently I can, and there's no limit to it.

I--IMPOSSIBLE, THIS CANNOT BE!
DON'T PERSEW LOO BOOH-- oh hi.

But god damn it, this is what happens when you celebrate your birthday three times a year, once a week before (a year before), on Christmas, once on the day, once a few days after - you get all confused, don't you?

Me? No, my birthday falls on the same day every year and I don't really give a shit enough about it to "celebrate" but sure I'll roll with it.

God I hope you do, because otherwise there would be no excuse for me thinking that I'm one year younger than I really am!! I had to subtract the goddamn year when I was born from the current year and ten seconds later I still couldn't believe it. How the hell is this even possible??!??!?

What. Sometimes it takes me a minute to remember how old I am (I have a serious aversion to numbers and anything involving them. It's what doctors call "being bad at math"). But I haven't lost a year. Somehow. If it did happen I'd never admit it, either, because-- why? Why would you tell someone that for an extended period of time (apparently) you thought you were one year younger than you really were? I'd just lie to people and say I was doing the movie star thing and saying I was younger than I really was (poorly, I might add, because no one is going to look that radically different from 23 to 24 anyway).

But most importantly, I'm at the age I'd always thought your life pivots, because when my sister was 23 about seven years ago her life did pivot (or seem to, anyway) and I always seem to use my sister's life and achievements as benchmarks for my own,

Oh good grief, who cares?

I'm perfectly on track even if I hadn't realised it - but, but; I'm 23. The age, the goddamn age, the golden number.

What the fuck it's just an arbitrary number you drew from a hat. It's not like laws change when you hit this age like 16, 18 or 21. You're 23. Great, go to work.

God. I hate youtube, I really, really do.

And Youtube and everyone who frequents Youtube hates you as well. You uploaded an anime music video.
PLEASE STOP DOING THIS. I JUST WANT TO WATCH "TOO SHY" BY KAJAGOOGOO WITH MY FRIEND OVER MSN. WHY CAN'T I FIND THIS VIDEO AMONGST FIFTEEN TRILLION RENDITIONS NARUTO WITH THE AUDIO CUT AND THAT SONG ADDED?
I remember for a minute when Youtube was doing something right (they quickly had to stop this practice so they could wring every last dime out of the rock of fun that is Youtube) and deleted every video with the tag "anime" every 24 hours. Then there was a huge backlash of crybaby weeaboo CUNTS and now Youtube is a sea of piss and I'm sitting on a raft, madness slowly creeping in as it's nothing but shining yellow sea as far as the eye can see in any direction.

God, I am so strung out!

You probably mean "stressed" out because "strung" out implies drug usage, which I'm guessing... No.

And damn, it's killing my creativity

What creat--

(yeah, right; what creativity?)

YOU CAN'T EVEN LET ME HAVE ONE GODDAMN JOKE, CAN YOU? I hate you. I hate you.

The raw is out. This will be painful, mark my words.

"Raw" is the terminology used by FAGGOTS denoting something is untranslated (in its original Japanese). Of course captain faggot just pointed that the raw is out because SHE CAN READ JAPANESE GUYS SHE'S JUST SAYING, JEEZ.

Furthermore, Yuuko reminds me of RG Veda's Ashura and that hurts my brain. Badly.

Don't even know what that means.

Still on that note, 'arigatou' is the most pain-inducing word ever when it comes to Clamp. If you hear this you know you're going to start crying. Soon.

Actually if I heard that from Clamp I would wonder why I suddenly turned into a girl and time traveled into the past about 11 years, but sure all right.

Sigh. I am not even attempting to read the raw this time, oh no. The angst levels might simply be too much, I'll wait for the translation, thank you.

Yeah because it'd take too long to translate 20 pages of mostly pictures.

I also find it ironic/coincidental (haha!) that just today I ranted about how I'd given up reading raw!TRC for Japanese practice, and lookit what I just did tonight XD

Y-yeah, I crack myself up ^^;;

Oh great Blogger resized my image THANKS.

Oh, I'm managing just fine. And no, I'm too tired when I get home, and it's far easier to have a sandwich and some yoghourt, whip up an omelette or maybe a salad

>Yoghourt

see, this is why I don't really actively care about my figure - it's pretty fine already, and stress ensures it stays that way XD

lolXD that is pretty wacky!
FUCK. You are one of the worst blogs in recent memory holy shit.

:3c

I clicked on today's entry mostly because of the opening post, entitled: "You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record babay right round round round".
"Hey I know that song," thought I, "but the lyrics seem different." Then I remembered that Flo Rida (or Florida as I call him) covered it (sort of) recently and did a pretty fucking shitty job at it, which is amazing considering it wasn't really a work of musical genius in the first place.
But I'm getting off topic. Yes, today's topic is the musings of this cunt.
I don't really know what she's talking about, well, ever, but that's highlighted particularly well, I think, in her opening post.

I really want to cry. what was I expecting? some sort of plea? Jennifer thinks all men are like that but I beg to differ.

I don't know what you were expecting. Who is Jennifer? All men are like what? These are questions I will never know the answer to (probably).

I don't need a daily grab fest to feel desired and i definetly understand men not having the attention span...but during? DURING?!??? seriously?

attention span for what? During what? What the fuck is happening?
This post (if you can believe it) does continue on in this manner, and I even bothered to read every word of it, and it never really comes to sense or a solid conclusion, and without anything more to say about it, I think I'll move on.

this phone gets on my nerves.
i don't know how to make it ok.
i don't know how or why i end up in relationships like this.

This is an entirely different post and I still don't know what's happening. Maybe I should start at the beginning and work forward, but that sounds like a lot of work.

should i give in? no. i could marry this man but i know he'd never ask. and....it's over. the honeymoon ended the day he asked me out. i kissed another boy and my romance ended.

Yes, infidelity has been known to end relationships, I think.

it feels like im being pushed out. he said once, .i could never break up with you...because i love you and i wouldnt want to see you hurt. .." so maybe the lack of intamacy is his way of making ME leave.

Yeah good luck with that. I've got this custom Sternguard Veteran squad to work on and I started checking my email regularly, so I'm really busy, and I can't really pay attention to this.

i don't know. would it hurt him if i saw someone else? well then i could be the bad guy. but i know he doesnt want me.

Maybe it's my limited understanding of how the world works, but I think when you break up with someone (as indicated by you not living together anymore) then you're free to see whomever you please.

He's the cutest ever. hes growly and cute. allegedly when my nails lisft theyre actually "rising" ..who knew. Just saying. I love the boyfreind. he's wonderful and he loves de rhet...

Okay I'm not going to make a big deal about spelling and grammar and the whole "making sense" thing this entry because it's becoming increasingly clear I'm dealing with some sort of sentient goo, and frankly any sort of communication must be some sort of feat.

It's sad when I have to sit here...at work and decide wether its worth losing a few minutes on personal to go to the bathroom. I mean grantid, I wouldn't need more than an "average" of 10 minutes a day...but well..I used 5 already cause I couldn't hold it.

Christ where do you work where they ration bathroom minutes? Nazi Germany? Also I think I've found a critical flaw in your brilliant regimented work schedule, Rommel: while you're carefully planning bathroom breaks down to the minute your employees are sassing off on the internet. I don't think that'll make a very productive work force.

i think overall the human race has become
complacent. we whine and lement about our lives
and the plight of others but we are so lazy
we do nothing. it,s as if we expect someone else
to take on the burden.

I'm sorry it's just very bizarre to be schooled in philosophy by someone who has trouble making sense from sentence to sentence.

in reality being a hero
can take only a moments action. an email, a
gesture of kindness....anything.

No, I'm sorry, if you email your best friend and make her feel good you're not a hero. You might be good to your friend, and while that's certainly commendable, you are not a hero.
People throw this term around a lot and it makes me wonder if I'm the only one nerdy enough to have actually looked the word up:

1 a: a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability

There you go, it is, by definition, closed off to humanity. Sure you might accept one of the later, lesser definitions but you're kind of undermining your previous "we are complacent as a species" thing.

i am not without
guilt and its moments like these when my positive
actions are slammed, i realize perhaps their simply
few and far between and therefore aren,t seen
as valor but wastes of time.

Isn't valor, at least in the modern understanding, more about facing your own problems with courage and shit? So wouldn't, by definition, someone who acts with valor be someone who handles their own problems with grace?

i love nothing but
nets an organization that gives misquito nets
to families in africa to protect them from disease
and death and one net costs $10 and will save
an entire family but have i donated....no.

Christ look at this overinflated ego. I DIDN'T DONATE TO CHARITY, THERE IS NO VALOR IN THE WORLD! ALso aren't "hero" and "valor" usually terms ascribed to war and warlike situations? Maybe that's your problem.

i believe
in doing the right thing, i believe in the beauty
the world has to offer and yet allow myself to
be sucked into negativity. i am a sorry sight.
i resolve to do my part. and quit smoking
quit shopping at walmart,lose 10 lbs and donate
to nothing but nets.

So two out of three items in your "doing your part" list involve things that only affect you.
No, I agree, the world is a better place because you no longer buy Twinkies from Wal-Mart. Personally I would suggest not giving a shit (like me) but then again I don't need to lose weight and I don't shop at Wal-Mart so maybe I'm already a valorous hero and just didn't realize it was so hard for other people.
That's right faggots, just call me Achilles Jr.

Life is not as peachy as it once was. even tho work is being kind to me the last couple days, I actually like my haircut (tho too too short), I have 1/2 vente starbucks left and the next year hopefully will prove to be my crowning moment aaaannnnnnnddddd I really do love the boyfriend.

Hopefully next year will be your crowning moment? Can't hope for that, though, because as I once read:
Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur
"Life is short, and shortly it shall end"
So you don't know. YOU COULD BE DEAD TOMORROW, OF H5N1 "SWINE" FLU AS THAT SEEMS EN VOGUE AT THE MOMENT.

If I don't eat, don't smoke and don't screw what else is there to do?

Oh you could read a book (given your spelling and grammar I don't think you've ever done it before), watch some TV, go outside, go for a jog, play a video game (I SURE LOVE VIDYA GAYMS), paint a picture, pet a puppy-- there's a lot of shit you could do besides those three things.

I will someday, but soemday should be today not someday.

"Someday is not today," wise words from NOCTURNALSHADE.

I'm sick of people asking about my hatchet necklace.

So stop wearing it. Simple solution~

Well I should be going. As I said I'm really busy lately gluing these space marines together. It's a tough job, guarding the Imperium of Man, that's what US HEROES are for.

Oh hi

Today is one of THOSE days. It's an "obnoxious Monday" if you don't know what I mean.
Naturally, an obnoxious blog is in order to compound my already mounting migraine. I took pills (grabbed some peelz for those of you familiar with drug culture like myself) but I can feel it edging through them.
雪の失楽園 is our blog today. Or no, my mistake, 雪の楽園。 Sorry, subtle but distinct difference.
"yuki no rakuen" which is, quite literally, "pleasure garden's snow". "Snow of a pleasure garden" is how I'd translate it probably, but both make about as much sense as each other. Whereas what I wrote first is "yuki no shitsurakuen" which is "snow of paradise" which makes (slightly) more sense in my opinion.

Ah. Life is life. What are we to do?

Profound wisdom from snow of the pleasure garden (sounds like a sexual euphemism every time I see it).
"SNOW" of the "PLEASURE GARDEN" WINKING EMOTICON ;3

People are mad because they're being stupid and I was standing up for a friend today. Why would make a comment like that to me?!

I think you're missing a critical pronoun, brosef.

You know we've been best friends since grade 6. I have no idea why. It isn't even what she said, it was HOW she said that bothered me. No, there's nothing wrong, your additude just needs a slight adjustment! :D

What?

So, I'm on a total Shugo Chara surge right now and it's lovely! SOOOO ADORABLE! I WANT PHOTOSHOP BACK SO I CAN MAKE ICONS FOR MYSELF!! >////<>
What?

I WANT A NEW LAYOUT! >( Gr. Jin come back! T^T Or stupid Lj could let me put up the one from Joe. . . . but no that would be way too easy now wouldn't it?! *huff*

What? Hi!

So I think I'm getting paid Thursday/Friday so I can pay my dad back and freakin' order my CD's that I FLIPPING ASKED FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!! Why don't parents listen? WHY?! Just those 4 CD's that's all I wanted. *sighs*

I hear there's this thing called the "internet" where you can "torrent" "CDs" but I don't know because I'm typing this through a BBS on a 286 and listening to my tapes right now, so I don't know.

Over the summer I will buy myself a small TV to put in my room so I can put the Wii and PS2 in here. I WILL! I WILL! I WILL! I'm going to do my Wii fit and finish those games one way or another! >:3

WII FIT YO HARDCORE GAMER AHOY!

So Dissida and 358/2 come out on the same day it looks like so I'll need to put some money away for those when they come out unless Mom will pay since she pre-ordered them for me. . . hmmm. . .

Wow Final Fantasy Dissidia AND a Kingdom Heart's game. You are hardcore.

AND YOU! Follower! Go to http://www.uniqueskins.com/

No.
Okay I lied. I did click on it :3c

Is that not awesome?!

I guess but my PS2 has a fliptop case so I can play imported games, so I'm probably way more fucking cool than you are.
Oh that's right, you can't actually read Japanese so that would be of no real use to you, but for those of us with actual talent in the realm of languages it's fucking great.

And Edward off of FFIV sucks for dying so much in my game. Offically.

His only ability is "hide" (and sing but that's equally faggoty). I think that should be an indication of his fighting prowess.
And she links a video about Final Fantasy XIII. This was old news even when she posted it.

Okay so thankfully only 11 days of school left and 12 days of Hell. Chem can die. Honestly, it can die for all I care now. STUPID STUPID STUPID CLASS! >:( AWFUL! HATE HATE HATE

*takes a deep breath* HATE!

Okay. I'm good for the moment. Moment being the keyword there.

Die.

THE SIMS 3 CAME OUT YESTERDAY AND ITS AMAZING! LOVE!

Wii Fit, Kingdom Hearts AND The Sims? Fuck, so hardcore! I bet you're equally excited for the new Wii blood pressure cuff or whatever the fuck, right?

(Its not really that slow I just put all my graphic setting really high so it doesn't look like crap when playing it. I HATE crappy settings! )

So you'd rather play on settings your computer can't handle (and get less than 10 frames per second I bet) than deal with worse graphics?
Great trade off. Just look at screenshots at that point, Christ.

To top it off, I'm a full time worker over the summer break. No fun for Amber, just WORK WORK WORK!

Amber. Hi, Amber.

So I when I went in to get this in I was in the meeting thing and they were telling me what they were going to do and what was going to happen.

I-- what?
One of her tags for this entry is "disgusting" but I think that summarizes this entire blog nicely instead of just one entry.

So you know? I am beginning to realize how useless people are becoming.

Becoming?

They are back stabbers and idiots and use people to further themselves a head and don't even bother thinking about the people they're hurting in the process.

There's that brilliant descriptive power at work again!

TODAY IS KAGGIE-CHAN'S BIRTHDAY!

*huggles*

>huggles

Glad my favorite song has an awesome reaction image in it so now I can listen to that song when I look back over this entry and then say "HEY I'M LISTENING TO THAT SONG RIGHT NOW!" when I do it.
My life is all kinds of fascinating.

Here's most of KAT-TUN's QoP Cd and Koki's solo!

Hey look, more words I know.

Akward sex scene *shudders* ek.

ACKward sex scene. That's how I read that.

Words are man's greatest weapons. They can cut deeper than any knife and linger longer and more painfully than any physical scar can.

I'm sure the Hiroshima survivors would agree.

Yesterday I apparently over stepped my bounds as a 'friend' and accidentally hurt some one very dear to me when I all I meant to do was find out what people were talking about.

Ha, ha girls are dumb.

My fandoms, my life, my problems, things I enjoy...I can't share that with RL anymore.

No one wants you to share your fandoms with them. No one really gives a shit how cute Cloud and Sephiroth would be together. Most people played that game (12 years ago, I might add, but you were probably an infant then and don't remember it so whatever) enjoyed it and moved on with their lives.
MEANWHILE WITH CAPTAIN ANNOYING CUNT, FINAL FANTASY VII GAY FANFICTION!

So I will not bother you with my excitement over the KH game coming out in August, I won't bother with movie excitement anymore.

NO ONE GIVES A FUCK, CHRIST. Or find friends who are equally excited. THIS ISN'T HARD.

I'm back into final fantasy in a big nasty way. I thought I could try and finish X but I'm so screwed.

Ha, ha, stuck in Final Fantasy X. Casualfag.
Sorry I should be nicer to you, Amber. I've probably been playing RPGs longer than you've been alive.
No, I'm just kidding. You suck. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
All right this has dragged on long enough.

I do love bad poetry

I like it even more when the font is size .5 and italicized. Class act, you.
Today we open with a poem, and it's my favorite kind: it's sort of a riddle.
Let's try and solve this riddle.

The clever people they all cry
You cannot patrol the skies
Men were born without their wings
So stop thinking of such things

I'm going to guess the Wright Brothers.

Your mind it runs wild with you
And they say it will not do
Look at what's before your eyes
Don't waste time by wasting time

Don't waste time by wasting time. That's profound. I don't know who this is, now.

And though you know that shadows lurk
When you tell them it does not work
You cry yourself to sleep at night
You should not, since it's you who's right

Going with Perseus, who killed Medusa.

And I don't know if you've heard
Impossible is just a word
They are all just simply fools
Living life by their concrete rules

Yeah, Perseus.

I tell you that it won't be long
They'll realise that they were wrong
You have what they have lacked
Impossible is not a fact

Or maybe it is the Wright Brothers.

It's weird how when you get older you get interested in new things, or should that be natural? Haha, I think so.

No that's very unnatural. You're supposed to always be interested in the same things until the day you die.

Every night my estranged brother and mother watch The Drs. and if they talk to me, they'll ocassionally tell me that they offer great advice concerning your health, what I don't understand is that every time I go and try to watch it they talk about sex.

>estranged
>talking to them occasionally
hrm. I guess "estranged" does literally mean "to make strange" or to alienate, so estranging a relative wouldn't necessarily imply not speaking to them, but that is common knowledge of how the word works, I think.

Set your calender for June the 6th.

Done. Why am I doing this?

It's drawing day. Two days to go AND I DONT HAVE MY SKETCHBOOK WITH ME!

Oh you draw then. Wow, you really think that warrants me marking my calendar? You are full of yourself.
HEY, SET YOUR CLOCK FOR 9 PM, PEOPLE!
Why would I do that?
I'M GOING TO PLAY FINAL FANTASY THEN!

There are many sites promoting this day and to get things heated up some even prepared contests and the grand prize is Wacom Bamboo Grahics Tablet!

I see, so it's a sort of internet holiday.

I read some in spite of the fact I'm too proud of my individuality and would rather rot than to get near a tutorial.

Oh wow you must suck at drawing. I REFUSE TO LEARN FROM ANYONE BECAUSE LEARNING FROM THE MASTERS WOULD BE COPYING THEM! Don't flatter yourself, I seriously, seriously doubt you are even 1% of the talent Da Vinci was.
Since I'm sure you draw animu, I doubt you could even approach some of the better artists in that style.

Just imagine following a work on someone's Guide To Drawing book, spending countless minutes, many hours and several days trying to make that character perfect to your own standard.
I personally don't think this will help give diversity to a person's imagination, instead limit it.

Or you could, you know, copy them until you get the fundamentals down and then figure out your own style?

He actually drew a woman's womb raw, what I mean is he actually looked at it in some hospital and started sketching it.If you read more about him, don't forget to see his other sketches, you could see that they're very accurate to the human anatomy and that's what I meanby going natural.

No they fucking were not. Look at that picture and then a real womb and tell me it's perfectly round like that. Da Vinci came from the early Renaissance when artists were still clearly influenced by geometric shapes. They were fairly anatomical but to say they are VERY ACCURATE is a fucking exaggeration and you know it.

If you're still perplexed by my thoughts, then just go outside your house or your university and try drawing that stray cat that's drinking water out of a alluminum cup.

Yeah I'm still perplexed by them because you're too much of a genius for my plebeian mind to comprehend, what with such brilliant suggestions as "draw from real life!" and "study models!" God you're a cunt.
Also it's spelled "aluminum" you idiot.

Instead, I'll live you wondering what you'll draw next, what image would you like to capture on paper using your pencil, color, fire and what-else-is-there.
Just keep wondering and imagining.

I'm going to leave you with the word "hubris". I suggest looking it up.

Anyways, I am looking forward for their latest "明日の記憶" which will be released next week.

"ashita no kioku" or "tomorrow's memories". See, I can read Japanese too. It's not difficult.

Last Wednesday I lost my sketchbook, and on Monday, my Dochan found it while we were leaving the bus!
May God Bless you always with goodness! Thank you really!

I hope Nemesis damns you for your pride.

Maybe, I should have explained to them that Christianity is as Islam in this aspect. Good Christians do not have pre-marital sex.
Such an act is again the ten commandments and in fact, dying a virgin is considered a holy act.

Like so many things Christianity, I see they thought this one through.
Everyone dies a virgin. We have a problem.

Personally, I don't consider myself a good christian in terms of visiting mass, praying everyday or fasting during Good Friday (though I am slowly doing my best to strength my ties with God and my soul) But this shouldn't illustrate that I disobey God's words!

Yes, because it's you perhaps your god will overlook your transgressions.
And that's it. The rest of what's left is just her dumb drawings which are kind of okay, I suppose.

Oh My

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I feel like I've run as far away as I can from who I am.

Metaphorically, presumably, since running from yourself is, of course, impossible.

I have completely changed my body, my lifestyle, my profession, my social and sexual habits... I am just a piece of who I am.

Uhh... I'm going to assume she means "a piece of who she was" otherwise that makes even less sense than I expected. How can you be more than you are? That doesn't even make sense. What, are you like Alpharius from Warhammer? One soul in two bodies?

I am something new and confusing.

SOMETHING SPECIAL AND UNIQUE, AND ALSO A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER--

I look back into my past, and I miss what I had and who I carried myself as. I was as open and vulnerable as a beautiful new flower, fully bloomed.

Fuck I was making fun of you, but you're serious.

Now I am a cactus. Can I go back? Would I really want to? Or did I get to this point as a defense mechanism?

Not sure where this is going now. Maybe it's time to drop the analogy and talk in more literal terms?

I wish I was prettier now. I wish I had more followers.

What, are you a cult now? By "followers" do you mean "friends"? If that's the case I think I see why everyone hates you.

I don't know that anything specific is wrong; I just think I deserve better than what I get right now.

Ha, ha, oh you. You "deserve" nothing. You get what you earn. Sometimes it's less than you expect, but your expectations and reality often are separate.

I work really hard at everything I do: my job, my chores, my appearance.

So do a lot of people. What's your point?

I am winning in so many ways, but this relationship is totally stagnant right now. It hurts and makes me feel so heavy sometimes. The feeling of unwantedness is like a heavy anchor, yanking me out of the clouds and into an abyss of loneliness and self-doubt.

Christ, could you be any more melodramatic?

My memories feel as dangerous and taboo as thinking about sex at work.

Uhhhhhhh, what?

I dare not tread on the images and haunting voices in my dreams.

What, are your dreams Promyvion from Final Fantasy XI? (hi references only I get)

I don't feel like complaining.

So... I guess the last paragraph and a half were something you didn't want to do, huh?

I need to get in touch with the spiritual side of myself again. I need to find my soul.

What is a soul, exactly? Define it. Is it your memories? Your emotions? Both? The essence of who "you" are? In which case it would be inseparable from your body, since your body and brain chemistry control all of these things.
You're silly for thinking there's a separate "essence" that has thus far remained undetected.
You're you. You're always you. You can never stop being you. If you've changed, then that's you changing. Somewhere along the line you wanted, or needed (or thought you needed) to change. That's it.
And aren't you glad? What if you were someone else? Yeah, it might be better, but it also might be a lot worse.

I feel a black hole inside me that is killing me from the inside.

No if you had a block hole inside you that'd be the end. You would be dead.

Atheism is devastating. I am not strong enough to live without a belief in something, even if only my personal strength and ability to change the world.

Err atheists can still believe in their own personal strength, or in the ability of society to perform, or even faith in (oh God) humanity. Atheism is just the rejection of supernatural beings, spirits, etc. No, lack of faith in anything at all would be cynicism.

Everyone was too chickenshit or self-absorbed to even ask if I was ok.

Ha, ha, ha, oh you. Classic case of "pot calling kettle black" I think.

I wish someone had just helped me. I wish someone had tried to find out what happened. I wish someone had tried to make me talk about it.

No, fuck you. Help yourself. The world isn't here to make *you* feel better every time you fall down and scrape your knee.
What is this bullshit? OH ALL MY DREAMS DIDN'T COME TRUE EVERYONE CHEER ME UP!

Here I am four or five years later, still singing the same song. How ugly! How black this world is to step on my flower buds.

Again, the world didn't step on your flower buds (whatever that means) the world doesn't even know you. Something unfortunate happened. You can either make it better on your own accord, or try to, or do what you're doing: being a total fucking cunt about it.
Given how this delightful journey has gone so far, I'm guessing it's all bitching from here on.

Buddhists believe that life is suffering. It is. But Buddhists also train to meditate on all emotions, especially suffering, to convert it into positive emotions like joy.

Actually Buddhism teaches we only know good feelings in relation to bad ones, so in a way, as you said, "all life is suffering" but the goal isn't to "convert" bad ones into good ones, the point is to transcend all emotions.

I've been struggling with this load for several years.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

No end to my suffering cycle in sight. *sigh*

Actually Buddhism, like all religions, is a search for the truth and not just an escapist mechanism to end transient bad feelings, but whatever. Also many Buddhists devote themselves to meditation and contemplation and self denial. Not only that, but they do a lot of charity work and shit like that.
Self denial and thinking about someone other than yourself, I suspect, is something you're very unfamiliar with.

The Best Times you fucked me were by surprise. I can still remember feeling your pants around your ankles as you bent me over in my kitchen so many years ago.

Oh good grief.

The diamond-like stars in the sky drop wishes to Earth every day.

As opposed to the diamond-like stars in the Earth that fly wishes into the sky every day. Also isn't this a line from Mario RPG?

This week I broke my vow to leave you alone forever when I found you online.

A man is only as good as his word (a woman, her word, whatever). Scum.

I had this dream in August 2004, right before we broke up. I had a dream that I was in my "warm place" in the wedding dress I picked out. I was barefoot, and I saw the remains of a fire. I approached the charred wood and noticed a branch warped like a pretzel. I picked it up carefully.

I'm starving. I wonder if there are any soft pretzels about.
Oh, right, sorry. DO CONTINUE.

It was an infinity symbol. The ashes dirtied my lily white feet. Only a month later I called the wedding off.

The infinity symbol. A symbol of power. Earthly power, typically. That's why it's frequently depicted above The Magician's head in Tarot.

If it's not a spell, then something else paranormal is going on.

I think the clinical term is "stone cold fuck nuts".

But who cared? Who honestly gave a shit?

No one. Wait, no one does care.
Why am I still here posting about this?
I'm going to go get a delicious pretzel or something now.