It's Back

Hurray, The Writer's Block isn't gone-- it's just in a hidden location no one could have hoped to find.
Bang up job, Livejournal.
But it's okay because the Livejournal staff's Livejournal had this to say:

Wrong. What we failed to make clear is that Writer’s Block is not gone, it was simply removed from the LiveJournal homepage. Indeed, the Writer’s Block community is still alive and kicking as it always has been, asking discussion-provoking questions on a daily basis.

Discussion provoking questions on a daily basis--
Apparently they've been reading different writer's blocks than I have these past two years.
Anyway let's keep this as painless as possible.

Name five songs to which you know all the lyrics. (Better yet, sing them.)

DISCUSSION PROVOOOOKING.

Oooh.. . this sounds like fun

Just about anything by U2 :)

This is why I decided to review this blog.
Fuck U2.

Random Question: So after a good friend of mine bugged me for years and years (even after I moved) to watch the series, Fullmetal Alchemist, I went and watched the first four episodes on Hulu(dubbed, because it's kind of my own personal rule. Dub first, then sub). I actually like it a lot; a bit gruesome for a cartoon at times--but I'm a bit squeamish, BTW--

Gruesome?
It's two fags whining for 26 episodes.
HUMAN TRANSMUTATION IS FORBIDDEN--
Shut up no one cares.

but I'm really enjoying it. Al is so adorable! And Edward is pretty much a teenaged-if a bit short (lol) Baus. I have run into a bit of a bind though.

Hulu only had the first four episodes of the dubbed and I can't the other dubbed episodes on Youtube, only the sub,which I wouldn't mind watching, but I would prefer to see the dubbed episodes first. Can anybody direct me to a place where the dubbed episodes are? Or are they like unicorns and all but impossible to find?

A two paragraph question. I've seen shorter questions on organic chemistry tests, and all for what? What amounts to "how do I pirate anime?"
IF YOU LEAVE YOUR HOUSE YOU WILL FIND THERE ARE NERDS AMONG YOU WHO CAN EXPLAIN THIS SHIT.

So, I would not normally use this page as a platform for my view and beliefs, but after thinking about it, I decided to talk about something that I wouldn't normally otherwise do.
I have endometriosis.

Unlike your rant about anime and The Hunger Games which totally isn't your views and is 100% objective.

It is a genetic disorder that results in the abnormal growth of cells that lines the uterus. These cells are the cells that cause well, a period. The abnormal cells grow in areas not in the uterus, usually on the ovaries, the fallopian tubes, the kidneys, bladder, colon, abdominal and lower intestine, if unchecked. It is extremely painful and debilitating and can lead to other things, including cancer, though the research in this area is still ongoing. It also increases risks of infertility, miscarriages and tissue scarring in the abdominal cavity.

Oh well. Born in the wrong decade.
If people listened to me in all things we'd probably be well on our way to eliminating such things but what are you gonna do?

It is estimated that 8.5 million women in North America alone have the disease and if your mother or other female relative has the disorder, that you're six times more likely to have it as well. Both my mother and paternal grandmother have it. The average woman is about 27 when they are diagnosed. I'm 20 years old, tentatively diagnosed at the age of 19.
So why am I talking about it?

I guess to waste my fucking time?

Because in New Zealand, they are launching an Endometriosis Awareness Month on March eighth. It is designed to raise awareness about the disorder and to help women get diagnosed. I want to do my part here. While I can't donate money, or wear a little ribbon like a breast cancer ribbon of autism, I can tell you guys about it and hope that you guys never, ever end up where I'm at. I don't even know if I can have children anymore.

What a fucking loss.
Also there are only 12 months in a year which means only 12 things to be aware of that year-- can we really afford Endometriosis its own month?
How about awareness day?
Awareness minute.
Forget the whole fucking thing.

I was doing a drawing, also for another contest and BAM!, it came. The sketch was of a man riding a griffin through a raging battlefield, with earth flying everywhere and the man was holding aloft a flag, as other griffins, in the background, flocked to the banner. When I draw, I always want to "tell" a story with the picture, so I can flesh it out and pick out details, like clothing and armor. So, when I was fleshing this one out, the story, which has been eluding me for close to two months, came in a flash.

Hmmmm no idea where I might have heard an idea like that before.
Nope, not ringing any bells at all, bro.
I'd love to see this picture. She makes it sound like something that belongs on a heavy metal album cover or something but you know it's just some kind of bullshit poorly conceived anime drawing.

What is the most amount of money the tooth fairy has given you for a tooth?

5 fucking dollars.
Someone at my house couldn't find a single, I guess.

Actually, I think with all the work I've had done ie, two rounds of braces--one for three years and the other for a year and a half, because the people the first time botched it up--and recent jaw surgery to begin placing implants for a birth defect, I think I might owe the tooth fairy money, considering that I have probably thousands of dollars invested in my lovely smile. Literally, I think there is about 5,000 to 6,000 $ in my smile.

Jaw surgery--
Implants--
Her manjaw is augmented.
She didn't ask for this.

*pokes shiny new Live Journal*

I feel so, new here, but I've been wanting to do this for a while. Why, you ask?
Because I need a place to vent, gosh dangit. And because I'm random, with my observations in life.

Hurray up to the start of this fucking garbage.
Fuck this blog and everything it stands for.

Let's be cool

I have a new strategy for finding blogs but I think I'm going to keep my trick in my back pocket here in case they catch onto it like the writer's block.
Anyway, here we are.
So have you ever heard someone bitch about dumb shit like her Amazon order is 6 days late or she needs tangerines for this recipe and why doesn't this tiny, tiny grocery store carry 87 kinds of apples?
Know that thought that drifts into the back of your mind? It goes something like "why am I standing here listening to this? You could have real problems. You could be in war, or something."
They call that "first world problems".
Welcome to a blog about first world problems.
Before we dig into this can I share with you the most perplexing question I've been encountering lately in the exciting world of grocery stores?
"What are the sweetest apples?"
Reasonable question to be sure. The answer is Gala.
So I tell them that.
"Yeah I know that."
So why, why, why are you asking?
Now you're asking me to get creative with my bullshit. I have to find some other apple (usually Jazz apples though fuck if I know why I picked them out) and call that one sweet but kind of soft and then I pick out Rome apples and call them sweet but kind of tough.
Is this true?
I don't know.
Then I can direct them back to the Gala and say "but these are all around good."
Then they ask about Granny Smith.
Are you fucking with me?
Even I, an idiot making this shit up as I go along, know Granny Smith apples are tart.
I'm not just bringing this up because it happened once. It happened 3 times yesterday and I only worked 5 hours.
I'm pretty sure that one bitch was a store shopper, though. She was scoping my name tag too much.
Real subtle, Mr. Bond.

So pissed off right now --

I pre-ordered The Wise Man's Fear off of Amazon in early February, and was told that, because I'd pre-ordered it, it would be delivered on March 1st.

Speaking of things with cool names I found out there was a Warhammer game I missed called "Glory in Death" and I wanted to get it based off the name alone but then I found out it was for the Nokia N-Gage.
Seriously?
That dumbass cellphone Gameboy that looks like a taco?
Why did they make a Warhammer game for that piece of shit?
Do they hate money?

Perfect! I'd have it in time for my long plane ride home.

Well, it's March 1st, and I went online to track my order since I hadn't gotten it through campus mail yet. Lo and Behold, I'm apparently not getting it until March 7, at which point I will be in RI, and not MD, and therefore will not be able to read it during my long break. Oh no.

Well not to bring attention to this but I found this book for nothing on a less-than-legal channel in about ten seconds.
Get an e-reader, dipshit.

I am SO FUCKING PISSED right now - what the hell's the point of pre-ordering a book if you're not going to get it until after most people who order it on the day of its release?

I like digital pre-orders.
What?
It's not a physical thing that can run out, why do I have to pre-order it?
SO IT CAN UNLOCK RIGHT AT MIDNIGHT!
Yeah after 20 minutes of not being able to contact the Steam servers. Thanks for nothing, dipshits.

Today I was at Colt State Park with my dog. It's a very busy place in the early mornings and late afternoons, when dog owners bring their pets for walks and exercise; I came at about 4:15, with the sun just starting to sink and the bright blue sky fading into that palest, iciest blue of New England winter.

Let me paint you a gilded picture of the misty before dawn of humanity.
Seriously? What's wrong with you?
Why are you writing like this?

Standing by the shore today looking across the Sakonnet to Aquidneck and Connanicut islands it felt like the sky would go on forever - just this great huge clear vault. It's been so cold and dry and clear the past few weeks it feels like I could fall forever up into the sky.

Fall up.
Fall.
Up.
Are you trying to piss me off?
Wow.
This whole story is about how she's training her dog.
Thanks so much for this.

So I was in a local library today (you can use your card at any library in the state) dropping off some pamphlets for my place of work. I stopped by the FREE BOOKS table on the way out, because you never know, right?

No I pretty much know.

There were twelve or fifteen books of feminist scholarship on that table. Some were in bad repair, but many looked to have years of usable life. They were a bit dated, on the whole - 60s through 80s for most - but there were some important authors in there: Shere Hite, Betty Friedan, Kate Millett, Shulameth Firestone, Marcia Cohen. Whether or not you like those women's work (and there's a lot to criticize in second wave/radfem scholarship) they are important figures historically.

Not the Shulameth Firestone!
Who the fuck is that?

Still, I went inside the library to check out their women's studies section, in case they'd replaced the discards with more current books.

There was nothing.

I asked the Reference Librarian - who referred me to a university library.

It feels like our history is being erased.

Your history.
These people don't even register as historical figures to me, so it must be your history.

So...

It looks like I'm bipolar. Bipolar II, with severe depression and mixed manic episodes.

Well you know what they say about women--
nope, too fucking easy.
Even I have standards.

In the past several months my ability to do any extended reading - book reading - has sharply diminished. I read magazine articles, websites, and so on; I even do a little writing. But I can't pick up a book. When I do, it is invariably a children's fantasy that I have read many times before, and invariably unsatisfying. This intellectual atrophy is horrifying to me. Books have always been my greatest comfort; more than any other of our modern drugs - computer, television, video game - books offer a fulfilling, engrossing escape. They are also not shameful in my family; I do not have to feel embarrassed for wasting my life with Austen or Waugh the way I do with blogs and messageboards.

It's Deus Ex: Human Revolution.
It deals with the morality of transhumanism and cybernetics.
It's way fucking smarter than half of the shit you read to feel smart.

I have some hope, however, that this trend will shortly reverse itself: I begin work on Thursday. I'm working at America's most ubiquitous fast-food restaurant again, the same one I worked at fresh out of high school, and for once I don't feel bad about it, at least not without help from my family. It's paying work, it will get me out of the house, it's not morally bankrupt, and its degradations are no more than the usual.

It is beneath me.

This afternoon I read through the latest edition of The Atlantic Journal with incredulous dismay. I've always thought of The Atlantic as an intelligent, thoughtful magazine, but today's reading calls for a revision of opinion.

I don't have time for other peoples' opinions.
Ever consider just not reading this nonsense?

I know I am decadent in my self-destruction, that I seize onto self-righteousness as a substitute for happiness, that I have within me the seeds of a bitter, raging woman myself.

Wooooooooooooow.
Soooooo fucking edgy.

And now I'm depressed all over again, because I'm getting really damn tired of the bullcrap at home. Because books like that always make me feel like MORE of a fuck-up, not less - when I don't think about my problems, I can just sort of "barrel through" them, tell myself I'm mostly normal and not to feel any self-pity. When I sit and think for any length of time, though, I become increasingly convinced that we're all of us so screwed up none of us will ever get any better.

I mean, Jesus Christ, I had this conversation with my brother where he told me he was afraid he'd abuse future girlfriends because he's seen his father doing it; and I told him I was afraid I'd wind up with an abuser, because I don't have good boundaries or good self-esteem.

Uh-huh.
When you get done moaning I'll be sure to read this.

I'm afraid I'm not fit for medical school, that I'll "burn out" and prove inadequate.

God help me.

Enough with the self pity.

I skipped a lot of stuff.

I also find myself having one of those cliched "learning experiences" that we always rolled our eyes at in middle school, namely, that I've begun to befriend a woman with a number of disabilities, mental and physical, in my chemistry lecture; we're in the same lab section, so I've worked with her before. She's slow, but not stupid -- at first I was convinced she was just dumb, but I think she's just hard of hearing, older, out of practice, and in pain, and all of that combined can make someone competent look stupid.

I always loved that in a lab group. The head case and her white knight.
I can't be held back by this nonsense.
So I didn't let myself. I ended up doing all of the group's work.
Whatever.
I'm sure lots of people would piss about how that isn't fair but at the end of the day it needed doing and it looked like I was the only one about to do something about it, so here we are.
A brief lesson in self sufficiency.

She's also awkward as all get out. It's just -- it's so easy to feel contempt for people who don't blend in (and who don't stand out 'positively') and I find myself having to make a conscious effort sometimes not to dehumanize her in my judgment.

As long as she stays out of my way we won't have problems.

I got really upset in lecture today because Tina asks a lot of questions, and her voice is usually pitched too loud, and the questions sometimes seem kinda dumb, but sometimes are totally reasonable. And after a few minutes, every time she'd ask a question, I'd hear people in the back of the room laughing, and it just pissed me off. The thing is, Tina really wants to learn. She obviously works hard as a dog, and she cares. She'll probably get a C average by working her ass off. And some of these kids, they'll get a C average without breaking a sweat, without even trying, and they'll bitch about how awful the Prof was and how unfair her late policy was, and they'll treat people who have difficulty like dirt.

We all have our demons to slay.
That doesn't really excuse her wasting everyone's time. She should take it up with the professor after class.
How many times have I done that?
Well not many, actually, because my goal in college was to keep my mouth shut.

Everything's always come easy to me academically, so in a way I don't feel real "superiority", at least not morally, about my abilities. In high school I could guarantee a B average by doing the bare minimum of homework, because I'd ace the tests. In college, it's been a little rougher, but people bend over backwards to help me, because I'm "talented."

Manifest destiny out of the way plebeians--
It is only natural that people should want me to succeed--

But people like Tina, who work like dogs and who need help -- and who aren't terribly attractive, and not the brightest - the professors ignore them. I'm so mad; I missed last lab, and Tina told me that for the second time she had to stand for 2 and a half hours because she can't sit on the lab stools without her lower legs going numb, and they haven't provided her with a decent chair. I mean, Tina I can tell is too embarrassed to ask for help, and it's not my place to do it for her -- but shouldn't the Prof NOTICE when someone is standing for the entire lab? And ask, after class?

There are dozens of you and one teacher. If you don't bring your problems to my attention do not expect my help.
Although we might appear all-seeing I assure you that is carefully practiced bullshit.

I know I'll do well, and I can afford to cut class every now and then when I'm super depressed, because I'm "talented". And I feel sometimes like I wish I could give my gifts to people who deserve them, people who want so badly to learn and to succeed, and who have difficulty through no moral failure of their own.

I agree. I'd love to gift my talents to those who deserve them.
And I can think of none more deserving than myself.

Would someone explain to me why I can't ever find anyone interesting online who doesn't turn out to be a libertarian and/or an anarchocapitalist and/or a racist apologist?

I'm an imperialist.
I don't think we should hang out, though.

I work at a boating supplies/hardware store. It is for the most part a good job, but it's an almost all white staff, and a majority male staff.

Can't wait for the impending feminist rage.

The store is located near a number of majority-PoC housing projects but mainly caters to a wealthy sailing and pleasure-boating crowd.

What a bunch of assholes. A store trying to make money, huh. The gall.

A couple of days ago, I was at work when two young Filipino men came into the store. My manager, "Brandon", immediately told me over the radio headsets to keep an eye on the two young men.

Already on it, chief. I don't trust anyone.

I refused to follow them through the store, so Brandon did instead. The two ended up making a modest but not insignificant purchase and did nothing out of the ordinary to make me suspect them of being thieves.

A moment's lapse can damn us all for eternity.

When I asked my manager why he had been so suspicious - I already knew the answer - he told me that a certain kind of fishing supply had been stolen recently, that "only Filipinos" fish using those supplies, and that the two young men's dress - baggy pants and sweatshirts - was ideal for shop-lifting.

Don't know about the first part but the second part seems legit.

While I'm nervous enough about my job not to call my manager on the clothing excuse, I did ask him whether or not it wasn't profiling to assume that Filipino customers were automatically more likely to be thieves.

Brandon then replied that he was profiling, wasn't ashamed of it, and was "the Jack Bauer of [store name]."

Are all managers jackasses?
Is that like a requirement for the job?
But still you're an idiot for not assuming they're capable of theft. I watch everyone.
That 5'2" pregnant French bitch that comes in?
I wouldn't put it past her.
The only person above suspicion is the WW2 vet that lost a leg to a German landmine.
That said I'd never try to stop any of these people. Not worth it for organic tomatoes.

He told me that there were certain white customers who stole, too, but that in general young men who "looked like they were from the projects" were more likely to be thieves and that in future I should always keep an eye on them. I said I wasn't comfortable with that, and he told me that he was the manager and that his responsibility was to make sure nothing was stolen, and that I should just do what I was told.

You should hire me. I have no qualms about watching people.

I feel terrible that I didn't do more, but what else could I have said? I need this job desperately, and unemployment is 11% in my state. I couldn't afford to lose the job, but I feel like a hypocrite for tolerating racism.

Any advice?

Yeah.
Get over yourself.

Fuck the naysayers, I liked the motherfucking speech. Some of those lines I will remember - that leaders will be remembered for what the build, not whhat they destroy; and that we'll extend a hand provided people unclench their fists. An interesting mix of pragmatism and idealism.

Don't even know who she's quoting but it's a dumb quote.
Leaders aren't remembered for what they destroy?
What about Hitler and Stalin?
Also all the best leaders destroyed a fuck ton of shit to build something. Alexander the Great carved a bloody swathe across all of the known world to build one of the largest empires of the old world.
What about Julius Caesar?
This blog sucks, holy shit.

Sage Advice

Hope you're ready for an exercise in futility today.
This is Dear Annie Tribute.
Dear Annie is a syndicated newspaper column where people write in with dumb fuck problems and Annie (who I believe died many moons ago and is now ghosted by other people) answers them with helpful and less than helpful solutions.
So basically this is a blog that reposts Dear Annie columns and I assume people can post directly to this if you want one-off advice from a copycat.
Well I'm going to repost the repost and offer more advice.
This is like that part in the movie The Departed where you stopped tracking who is spying on who and who is murdering who and then the movie ends and you say "welp" and leave the theater.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable for a girl to decline an invitation to a dance, only to later accept another invitation to the same dance? This is for a high school dance or prom.

What are you, stupid?

GENTLE READER: If you are the parent of a young gentleman to whom this has been done, Miss Manners can confirm that the young lady is indeed rude, and that however crushed your son is, he is better off. She would be capable of committing another rudeness, such as breaking the date later.

Excuse me?
No, she's allowed to say no.
I mean she's probably an insufferable twat and she'll be blowing the entire football team at the school dance but she is allowed to make a twat of herself and turn down any invitation she wants and accept any invitation she wants.
There's this thing called freewill and I won't spend a lot of time defining but it's something you have.

There is another lesson you might give, even though she will not believe it. That is that some law of nature makes the least popular boy in high school into the most desirable man later in life, yet, no matter how successful and glamorous he has become, makes him remember and continue to smart from having been slighted.

That's because that guy becomes a miserable, twisted adult and they always turn out to be the biggest winners in life.
Take a look at me, writing this on a Friday night.
Not the product of a healthy mind.

My friend "Jodi" is 27 and very sheltered. Her parents still pay her rent and bills. I'm worried because Jodi has been acting out of character. She cheated on her husband with a 59-year-old man. He's now her new boyfriend and "soul mate." He's creepy. He talks down to her and gropes her in public. She gives him her paycheck and the use of her parents' credit cards.

Jodi has a daughter from her marriage, and the little girl lives with her father. I work for Child Protective Services and know this "dream boyfriend" is a sex offender. When we go out as friends, she brings him along, and he says crude, disgusting things to us about our clothes and our bodies. He even tried to take money out of my purse. Jodi thinks this is funny and says I should lighten up.

Time to get new friends.

I told her about his history and that she should be cautious with him around her daughter. She became angry and said she never wanted to speak to me again. I'm OK with that. She's not the person I once knew.

So problem solved--
so why are you bothering me with this?

My job obligates me to report that this man is spending time with a young child, and I have informed his parole officer. But I also think I should advise the little girl's father, who has primary custody, and Jodi's parents, who have secondary custody.

My boss says I've done my duty by alerting the parole board, and that speaking to the family is a personal choice. My husband says I don't need to crusade to protect every child. Finding out that the creep stays overnight when her daughter is in the house made my skin crawl. Should I tell the family?

Are you seriously paralyzed with indecision over this?
A pedophile
has been left
alone with a child
and your question is whether or not you should tell anybody?
"Well gee, Annie, I saw this three year old drowning-- think I should pluck her out of the drink?"
YES YOU FUCKING CRETIN.

-- Not a Crusader

There's your fucking problem. Maybe if you had a little fire in your belly you wouldn't be writing letters to syndicated columns.

Dear Crusader: Yes.

Even Annie agrees with me. You should be a crusader. She called you a crusader.
Why I don't know but fuck it that's what you should be doing.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and having an affair with a married man twice my age, but I am an unwilling participant. You see, I grew up with "Jasmine," and over the years her family has become mine. I was going through a rough time, and when her family offered me a place to stay, I accepted.

Don't care.
TO THE POINT, TO THE POINT QUICKLY.

They treat me like one of their own, buy me presents -- even introduce me as a daughter.

However, after my birthday party, Jasmine's father came into my bedroom and took advantage of me. I was scared and didn't say anything. Over the past few months, he has sneaked into my room several times to "talk" or rub my back. He always crosses the line, and I'm too afraid to tell him to stop.

I feel sick and guilty when I see Jasmine or her mother, and I'm hurt and ashamed when I see him. I feel betrayed and confused. I tell myself I do it "for a place to stay." Is there forgiveness for me? Please help. -- DISTRAUGHT IN THE NORTHWEST

No man is free until he is dead.
Only in death do we earn our salvation.
This probably isn't very helpful.
Well let's see. You're in a shitty situation-- remove yourself from the situation?

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: It appears you ARE "doing it for a place to stay," and for your own well-being you need to make other living arrangements and get out of there. You have been betrayed, and your feelings are valid. You are not being treated like a daughter; you are being coerced by a man with no conscience or compassion. Of course there is forgiveness for you -- but first you have to forgive yourself. Leaving is the first step.

Yeah thanks Annie. I said the same fucking thing and I somehow managed it in less than a goddamn paragraph.
What is up with everyone and the yackity-yack?
I guess my response looks more cold and unfeeling than hers but at the end of the fucking day it contains the exact same information outside of "you're not a bad person" but who in their right goddamn mind needs validation from a newspaper?

Dear Carolyn:

I’m 26, with an expensive law degree, and I just flunked the bar exam.

Another scum sucking lawyer.
Don't care about you or your problems. Next issue.

Of course that’s not the end of the world (only missed it by a few points, and will retake in a few months), but you know all those articles about ’80s babies whose identities were built on all the praise they received for being brilliant? Yeah, that’s me — to fail at something for which I couldn’t rely entirely on my wits is an utter embarrassment.

Good. Hold that feeling deep in your being and maybe you won't fail next time.

In the meantime, I’m working at a job that is well beneath my qualifications, and living at home. I have supportive parents, a great boyfriend, and friends who don’t judge me (mainly because they don’t know where I’m “supposed” to be), but I still feel like the universe is judging me.

Well thank Christ for that, huh? Nurse your hatred and come out swinging next time.

It’s gotten to the point where I dread meeting people because of the “What do you do?” line of questioning. How do I walk around with my head held high?

Post Bar-Exam Insecurities

I work at a fucking grocery store putting salad on a shelf. I graduated with honors and I'm a qualified English teacher. Can I show you where the basil is you fucking idiot?
They say experience is the best teacher but that's bullshit because experience is the only teacher I know of that gives you the test first and then teaches you the lesson.
The only rational response to this level of fuckery is to steel your nerves and get fucking angry.

This fits the one-decade-out plan in a different way: Ten years from now, these three months will be a blip.

That is, unless you use them memorably and well. You say the universe is judging you. I say the universe doesn’t give a poo; it’s your life to care about, to learn from, to harness into something worthwhile.

Zeal and fury.
The only emotional state the universe can fully comprehend.
The universe is alight with the cold twitter of uncaring stars and sounds with the mirthful laughter of thirsting gods. The only adequate response to this is to fill the universe with the guttering flames of hatred.

Whenever circumstances dump you somewhere unpleasant, it’s okay to have a poor-me moment — as long as you have the heck out of it, and then stop having it, and move on to the moment where you say: “Okay, what can I learn from this, or turn to my advantage?”

Make friends.
Use them to your benefit.

Gah. Been there, my esteemed colleague. Quite literally - I too failed the Bar on my first try by just a few points. However, Carolyn's wrong - these three months will not be a blip... they suck, and there's no getting around that.

This is the poster's advice. You can't tell but Annie's advice is in bold and this shit is in italics.
The only conclusion I can draw from the three people advising this dumb cunt is:
1. I'm the only person speaking sense
and
2. I'm the only man giving her advice

This massive exam is a brutal experience, and for me (and I suspect for you) anxiety and panic played a big role in choking performance.

Do what you need this time around to prepare yourself psychologically as well as academically. Yes, I know, everybody says it - get counseling. No joke.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This too shall pass... as will you. I did quite well on my second try, passed and then some. And despite vowing I would NEVER take that accursed exam again ... after five years of practicing law in Florida, I've decided to relocate back to Virginia. And that meant another Bar - just took it in February 2012, now begins the grueling eight-week wait for results. I wish I could say I'm certain I passed, but I'm not (a part of me wonders if I'm just not capable of passing the damn thing on the first attempt.) But, worst case scenario, if I didn't... then I'll take it again. That's all we can do. We'll survive.

Great advice.
"We'll survive"
Sounds like you're trying to pick yourself up, anyway.
It is not enough that I should survive-- I must triumph.

Today, Cathy asks some interesting questions. Is virtue always rewarded? Is vice always punished? Or to put it more bluntly, do the good girls get the best guys? Or are the not-so-good girls walking away with them?

You know I've asked out plenty of nice girls only to get shot the fuck down. Frankly I'm not so interested in their moaning anymore. You had a chance and you fucking blew it.

Do promiscuous girls wind up with rich, successful guys? Is Cathy wrong to resent them? Just because a girl had a lot of sex partners before she married, should be punished with a less-than-ideal spouse? Let's hear from the slutty girls and the guys who married them!

I kind of hope they do, honestly.
And I hope they learned something from being dumb sluts in high school.
Let everyone be miserable.

Dear Amy: After 30 years of a wonderful marriage I was widowed at the age of 51.

At 54 I now feel I am ready to swim in the dating pool again and have dipped my toes in several dating sites to try and find someone to date.

My issue is that I used to be quite obese and since my wife's death I have shed 135 pounds and gotten my life back.

Most of the responses that I have gotten are from ladies 10 years either way of my age and from ladies the size I used to be.

What a shame.

My profile is very specific about my eating and exercise habits.

I always answer any response I get, and I am always polite and try and let these women know that I am not interested in dating a large woman.

I have lived that lifestyle and do not want to go back to it.

I get back a lot of hateful and abusive responses!

Jealousy.
Let them have their hate.
It is all they have.

I know that we should each look to the person inside, but if there is no initial attraction there is no initial attraction.

I suppose I should just not answer the responses, but that seems to be wrong to me.

Is it kinder to leave the ladies wondering or to let them know that there is no way a relationship could develop?

Yes you dumb clod.

Dear New: For an expert's opinion on this, I shared your letter with Bela Gandhi, a date "coach" and founder of Smart Dating Academy in Chicago (smartdatingacademy.com).

She says, "The rules are totally different in online dating. 'No response' is the right thing to do when you're not interested — it's the polite way of saying, 'No thanks!'

"It's much more humane; who wants to wake up to an in-box full of detailed rejection notes?

Me.
Better to be disappointed than to wonder.

Dear New,

You're shallow. Yes, it's true that if there is no initial attraction, there's no initial attraction. I imagine that you were able to look a little deeper before you "shed 135 pounds and gotten your life back." You sound like you think you're too good for anybody who isn't as "fit" and trim as you say you are.

Yeah that's exactly right.
Why is it okay to say "I don't want anyone dumber than me" but somehow not okay to say "I want someone as slim as I am"?

By all means, put in your profile that you'll only date thin women. I'm a fat chick and I wish that anybody who feels that strongly about it, would put it in their profile up front. saves me the trouble of even considering writing to somebody like that.

Pretty sure they let you specify what kind of person you want to date.
I've only been on one dating site in my entire life (mostly out of a "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS") and I seem to recall you could specify everything about a potential romance interest including weight, height, body type and tattoos.
I gotta say if you were willing to go out with a girl who treats her body like a dry erase board that doesn't erase anymore you could score some nice looking girls.
If you could ignore the interesting choice in tattoos, anyway.
Hahahah wow. One commenter has this to say:

What if he put in his profile that he only wants to date larger women? Is he still an asshat?

And this one sentence got at least fifteen responses.
Friend, you're working smart. I like it.
Let's see what they had to say in response.

Honestly, yes. Reducing a woman to just her body type is something an asshat does.

And I'm sure all of you ladies are completely impartial to body type.
Oh just kidding all the comments are women whining about their weight.
God this guy had a perfect trolling line and it was fucking wasted on idiots.

Even though it's impressive that this guy lost 135 pounds, he doesn't mention what he weighs now. He also doesn't mention what he considers overweight for a woman.

I once knew a guy who felt that the "ideal woman" was 5'9 and 105 pounds.

That would be freakishly anorexic.
That said: 5'2" 97 pounds.
Anyway this is boring.
Also the fellow who commented linked the post that caused him to not ask some chick out and it was this one.
He sure has been reading this crap for a while.
Also smart move not dating her. She's a real twat.

Livejournal why

They got rid of the writer's block.
What am I going to do now?
Luckily I endure as always.
You're really making this difficult, Livejournal. Why can't you help a guy out?

1.) Stay far, far away from the Baileys - that shit is ADDICTIVE. I could drink it straight and love it, and I think it's a testament to my self-control that I haven't completely drained our small bottle that we got for hot chocolate last night.

K.
Don't give a fuck.

2.) Send a very strongly-worded letter to whoever thought of the name Irish Car Bomb for a mixed drink.

Thanks for the Wikipedia link, cunt. I'm so uneducated and ignorant for your fancy speech I need cross referenced to keep up.

Srsly - that shit's offensive as hell. If any frat-boy douches here in the US actually went over to Ireland and asked for that in a pub, they'd get their asses kicked and they'd deserve it. That's like going to New York City and ordering a Bin Laden.

Get over it.
I'd totally order a bin Laden, incidentally.

So.

Like every good Socialist Liberal Devil-Worshipper, I trotted myself down to the Evil Satanic Den of Iniquity & Government-Funded Promiscuity yesterday to munch on fetus canapés and hand out condom pops and Plan B to 5 year-olds see about going on The Pill for my uterus's pesky habit of bleeding me half to death every time I'm on my period.

I had to edit this post to remove links and font effects.
One crossed out sentence per entry, thanks.
Also this whole post could be summarized in one fucking sentence:
she got some birth control.
Woooow so empowered you go girlfriend!
I so don't give a fuck. Her avatar is even the Mirror of Aphrodite (or the "female symbol" to normal people) with a fist in it.
You know, that clenched fist that usually represents annoying twats in college making my life a living hell trying to walk to class?
Radical feminist WHOAAAA so cool.

But you know what? I'm glad I have it. Because let me tell you - bleeding yourself into anemia and dizzy spells? Not fun, and not good for you. Furthermore, my reasons for needing the pill are no more valid than the next person who's actually on birth control to avoid pregnancy, whether they're sleeping with 1 or 100 partners. Our sexuality is not evil or shameful, and our bodies are not living incubators to be filled regardless of our wants or needs.

Why can't any of you cunts figure out a grocery store?
You go all the fucking time. It's not like the pineapples or lettuce or the basil has moved since the last time you were here. Do you really need a man to tell you everything?
Maybe this is why it took you a thousand years to get your rights.
Also the basil is there because if you refrigerate it it turns black.
Please tell all your bint friends so I don't have to repeat this seventeen thousand times a day.

On Sunday (lulz) at 6am, I will wake up and pop my pill in your honor with a smirk on my face.

(When I'm not, y'know, cursing about being a night owl who has to keep to an early bird schedule. But whatever.)

Gotta get up at 6 to bother me at work.
Unless you're a cute brown or yellow girl your interests are not the same as mine.
Except for that one yellow girl I was hitting on today. You really need to tell me you're in 11th grade first.
Apparently all guys who like Asian girls are pedophiles because she seemed like an adult to me and it's not like her mother looked that radically aged compared to her.
So that's the only conclusion I can draw.

This week in BUT WHAT ABOUT TEH POOR MENZ:
Women have privilege over men because more of us graduate from college, despite the fact that we get paid up to 30% less than the poor underappreciated men with those same degrees! ALSO ALSO WE CAN HAVE TEH BAYBEEZ.

I can't tell you how PRIVILEGED it makes me feel to be able to conceive a child that A.) I can't afford, and B.) could cause very serious health complications for me if I went through with the pregnancy.

So don't get pregnant.
Is this why you're so weird about birth control because you can't ever do what you're biologically meant to do?
You're basically half a person I swear to Christ.
Actually it's a good thing you can't pass your genes on. This is evolution at work.
Praise Zeus.

HONOR to live in terror of cranky old rich white dudes who want to take away my access to a safe clinical abortion as a last resort, and then my access to goddamned contraception as a preventive safety measure.

Really. I'm so blessed. It gives me such an advantage over men to have to deal with people seriously expecting me to NEVER have sex in my LIFE because I don't want kids.

Can you imagine dealing with people like this at a grocery store?
I'm not actually sure about the critical properties of red lettuce versus green lettuce outside of knowing lettuce is lacking in any real nutritive qualities in the first place but try to explain that to mrs. empowered here.
I ended up selling her the red one because that one kept falling on the floor and I was tired of picking it up.
I think I came up with some bizarre story about antioxidants and the color red.
Which might be true, I don't know~
I can tailor my bullshitting to your needs. One of the many top quality customer services I can render.
Also if it doesn't seem sanitary to be selling lettuce that has fallen on the floor--
Well, don't buy any loose salad or loose mushrooms.
Here's a post that's more link than actual words--
I can't follow this post at all--
Here's her picture and, surprise surprise, she's a hambeast--

This is me. I'm fat, I'm pale, I have no makeup on, my hair's a mess, my hands are shaky and making this thing blurry because I'm nervous and angry but dammit, I have to get this out there.

I'm still not ugly. I'm certainly not some mindless lumbering fat!zombie. I'm still worth getting to know and love. Even date.

Nope.
Not a svelte Asian or brown girl?
Not worth knowing.

I'm going to get someone to help me take better (and non-blurry) photos of myself after I've had a haircut, and then I'm going to post them publicly here and elsewhere. If people there can't handle it, then they can shut up and walk away or get on their knees behind my FAT ass(ets) and give it a BIG FAT KISS.

Now I have to go to bed, because it's been about 36 hours since I last slept.

I can handle it I just don't really give a fuck about you or your problems.
If you came into my store I'd listen to your bullshit and I'd help you with it but I wouldn't care.
I've told you the things you have to do to make our interests similar.
Like that high school chick. I was deeply concerned she couldn't find the Bok Choy.
Until I found out she was in high school then I felt weird. Then I promptly stopped caring about her problems too. Come back in 2 years, honey.

Some days I feel like I need to wear a MY NAME IS NOT BABY GIRL/SWEETHEART/HONEY/INSERT OVERLY-FAMILIAR PET NAME HERE sign around my neck when I'm working at the food bank and/or the clinic.

Seriously - is "Ma'am" or "Miss" too hard for you to pronounce? Are you physically incapable of asking my name?

I always call people ma'am or sir and I hope they can't hear the sarcasm in my voice.
So far so good.
Even though I just called that one girl honey. You got me, all right.

Item the second:
Aunt Flo is back with a vengeance - I've been through 4 tampons in the last 3 hours, y'all. XP I'm gonna have to stain-treat my jeans, dammit.

Great thanks for telling me.

Item The Fourth:
I got a fucking jury summons. When I may not have transportation to court before long.

I could be out of jury duty in a second with my "there is no such thing as innocence" rant.
Pleas of innocence are guilty of wasting my time.
Ohhh man well that's all for this edition.
We really need to have a chat, Livejournal. You're really making this shit difficult.
Also I must draw attention to the last post I did.
Check that comment out, awww yeah.
Guy was cyber stalking a girl online (we've all been there, I'm not gonna lie) and thanks to someone's (me) sage advice in the form of calling someone a cunt he decided she wasn't worth the effort.
Or that's how I'm interpreting this.
I think we all need to take a time out and acknowledge how awesome I am.
I figured I was the only one who regularly read this blog but apparently I was mistaken.
What's wrong with my reader(s)?
Why would anyone want to read incessant unrelated side comments about video games sandwiched between some cunt whining about fanfiction?
I don't get it.
Also guy you have to tell me what entry was so compelling you decided not to ask a girl out over it.
Of course my one reader is a man. No woman is sticking through this shit, holy fuck.

Oh my God I gotta review this shit

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Cats or dogs-- which do you prefer, and why?

Thanks a lot for this writer's block incidentally, Livejournal.
Jackass.
Remember when I told you you needed to help me out here? Ever since you got rid of categories you've had to make this writer's block garbage good.
This is you not helping a guy out.

Cats. Cats are smaller, less of a hassle, always go to the bathroom in the same place (for the most part), are quieter, and can pretty much take care of themselves.

Except when you have to feed and groom and clean their shit box and when they hassle you a million times a day for treats they don't eat.
Otherwise 100% self sufficient.

Dogs are better for more interactive people, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Why am I reading "more interactive people" as "people with a personality"?
OH MY GOD HERE'S A LIST OF HER TOP FIVE FAVORITE PAIRINGS!
I'M FUCKING GIDDY AT THE PROSPECT OF BEING ABLE TO READ ABOUT HER FAVORITE PAIRINGS!!

) Rick O'Connell x Evelyn Carnahan (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns)
~I love the chemistry between these two in The Mummy.

Whatever.

2) Asakura Yoh x Tao Ren (Shaman King by Hiroyuki Takei)
~Let's be serious here, I think even Takei ships these two (good God Ren, do you ever put on a shirt?).

I used to watch this show when I was 14 and I don't seem to recall any gay sex in it at all.
In fact I'm pretty sure they were both engaged to women despite being, well, 14 themselves.

Their rivalry and ensuing friendship is focused on the most out of Yoh's friendships with anyone else, and through knowing him, Ren became a better person--or rather, the person he always wanted to be. Yoh also ran right off to China to rescue Ren from his father despite only knowing him a short time, and was willing to abandon his dream

He can't just be a good guy. It must be gay lust.
I don't care about this, why am I reading it?
Here's her review of Amnesia: The Dark Descent. It's a computer game about being tormented by a weird flesh monster and you can't see shit and it's supposed to be scary I guess although the only scary part of it was the monster headache I got due to the annoying sound effects.

FUCK YEAH, I finally took down this bitch of a PC horror game. *sips celebratory Sunkist*

I figure I may as well review it while I'm still in the mood, so here's my two cents for anyone who hasn't played this little gem from Frictional Games yet. I have to say for a team of only about five people, they did fairly well. They got some top-notch voice acting and the level designs are well done and intricate. The music is awesome too. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Can't wait to read 15 paragraphs without a single mention of game play.

How's the game play? Let me start off by saying this is a horror-survival game.

... Oh.
All right.
You know I was going to talk about how I can't fucking believe someone brought up game play in a video game but this is exactly what you should be doing so I'm going to save the sarcasm and say it's about fucking time one of you cunts got the hang of video games.

When I say survival, I mean it. Like Silent Hill - Shattered Memories (which this game trumps by a mile IMO), you are not given any sort of weapon in the game. You learn there is nothing you can do against the monsters chasing you or "the shadow." You, as Daniel, have to rely on running your ass off and hiding in the darkness to escape enemies. Seems easy, right? Wrong.

Easy as fuck.
If you get a game over in Amnesia you are fucking stupid.

The darkness is a double-edged sword that hides you from enemies but also drives Daniel insane the longer he sits in it. Going insane messes up your vision, makes it difficult to walk and gives you all sorts of sound effects that make it rather difficult to focus.

Make it difficult to THINK STRAIGHT GOD MY HEAD FUCKING HURTS PLAYING THIS GARBAGE.
I'd just let the monster kill me to end the agony that is my head if I were Daniel.
What a pussy. HURRR MONSTERS ARE SCARY AND DARKNESS IS SCARY man up you puss.
The darkness makes Daniel insane are you fucking kidding me? How old is he, 9?

This is not a great thing to have happen when you're stuck in a dungeon with very little light. This is a game that requires you to be very careful with your supply of necessities, mostly tinderboxes (matches) for lighting candles and so forth, and lantern oil. (I hoarded the hell out of the tinderboxes myself--I suggest doing the same and lighting them sparingly until you really need to conserve your lantern oil. This is where the tinder comes in most handy, and I had over 30 left by the time I finished.)

"I had over 30 by the time I finished"
"but you have to hoard them"
"but I had 30 of them"
"but you have to hoard them"
You know--
forget it.

The game is part survival, part puzzle-solving for the most part. It requires you to pay attention to your surroundings, and most of all, to be a snoop. Look around everywhere you go--you'll find interesting things.

So what I've gotten in one massive paragraph about game play is that in a survival horror game the main point of the game is surviving horror.
I'm not going to be too mean about this because I'm very pleased you mentioned game play at all let alone first but still that is somewhat redundant.
Also "you'll find some interesting things", really?
IN A VIDEO GAME?
INTERESTING THINGS?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

The appeal of the game is the story and atmosphere. The beginning itself tells you that this is not a game you play to win--it's about immersing yourself in the story, the helplessness of the amnesia-stricken protagonist, and finding out what happened to cause all the ensuing insanity.

AKA "we couldn't figure out how to balance a game for difficulty so we're just going to pretend this is an immersive experience."

This game has four endings in total depending on what you choose to do. The endings in my opinion could have been a little bit longer, and the most satisfying one can be a pain in the ass to get if you aren't sure what to do. But that said, two out of the four endings aren't really bad. Your opinion of them will depend on your perception of Daniel and his story.

Really one of the first survival horror games, Clock Tower, had 9 endings.
Am I the only one that feels we've moved backwards sometimes?

What is the strangest thing someone has confessed to you?

I had a guy confess to me he got a boner once while shooting a deer.
It was me and these two chicks and all I could do was make a concerned face at them.
I was just sure one of them was next, you know.
I even offered to walk them to their cars after class.
Why in the fuck would you say that to someone?
They refused and he never came back to class. True fucking story.
I'm just sure they're both girl suits by now.
Sorry I could help you but you really should have let me walk you to your cars~
That guy also used to hum Pokemon theme songs in class. Really loudly before class.
It was so fucking weird.

A few years ago a guy I worked with but hardly knew told me out of nowhere while we were working how he and a friend were mugged once,

You're not trumping my story don't even try.
Holy Christ this entry was flagged as 18+.
I just agreed to 14+, why are you changing the ratings on me?
Oh.
She's looking for a gay anime porno.
I'd keep that shit to myself if I were you.
Here's her top 10 favorite girl names.
Because I was sure wondering.

Top 10 Girl Names: Lydia, Chynna, Star, Clare, Liesel, Bianca, Harmony, Joy, Joyce, Irene

Do you want your girl to grow up to be a porn star?
Chynna, are you fucking kidding me?
Lydia's all right I suppose.
Star is nope.
Claire is the nondouche spelling.
Liesel is a word you made up--
Bianca is nope--
Harmony, why?
Joy is all right if she's Chinese.
Joyce is the same.
Irene the same too, actually.
So unless these are Chinese girls this list is unacceptable.

Top 10 Boy Names: Wesley, Siegfried, Dante, Micah, Ivan, Travis, Dolph, Colin, Marik/Malik, Tobias

Why do you hate your children?

Top 10 Unisex Names: Hillary, Kelly, Mika, Reese, Hope, Angel, Seto, Gabriel, Artemis, Chance

Gabriel is a man's name
Hillary is a girl's name
so is Kelly
Reese is a candy--
Hope is a stripper's name--
Seto is a last name--
Artemis is a goddess' name and I don't suffer this heresy lightly--
Chance is a concept, not a name.
What is this shit?

In a bit of pretty ridiculous news, this woman is paying $50,000 dollars to have her dog cloned.

I know this is my "positive" journal but it's shit like this that makes me want to pack up my bags and leave the planet: people spending what some of us don't even make a year to revive a stupid dog that isn't even that cute to begin with. I'm against cloning personally for numerous reasons

Recidivist.
Why do you hate progress?
Also who are you to judge how she spends her money?
You just had a post about your Pokemon dolls.
I say if this idiot wants to fund glorious cloning technology by making dumb decisions we should welcome her.

I only find the practice acceptable if it's for the benefit of medical research (like cloning cancer-resistant cells or something).

People don't do research for free, idiot. Cloning dogs for 50k a pop gives that lab money to do more research.
And then cybernetics at some point.
I hope.
I'm a quarter through my life about, guys. You want to hurry this shit along while I'm alive?

But this is just fucking stupid. All of that money could have been used to help hundreds of animals find loving homes or be rescued from terrible ones, but nope, this broad is obsessed with bringing one dumb mutt back to life.

This is like Biblical shit. This is sorcery.

Loving a pet is great, but in situations like this, you should ask yourself how completely out of your mind you are to want something like this. The dog isn't going to be the same as your first one no matter how hard you try anyway--you can't clone souls.

I call bullshit.
No such thing as a soul.
Here's a post where she blames Square Enix for a bad year (seriously)--
Man, Square can't catch a fucking break.
Look I hated FF13 as much as you can hate something but cool it with that shit.

Also FUCK the damn Elite Four in Pearl. Level 70 Poke'mon while I'm still stuck around 45-50 when I actually get there? Fuck no. I am not going to commit another X amount of hours VERY SLOWLY leveling up my Poke'mon just to beat a bunch of assholes in a game I couldn't care less about.

Haha having trouble with Pokemon games is this kid serious?
Oh my God so much bullshit in this blog I'm not reading.
I finished all Edie's artifact armor.
I gotta save the pictures for a really slow day--
like Wednesday, probably, but here's one:
Exposed midriff, smart move for armor you're using to deflect bites from dragons.
I guess looking slutty is more important than not getting fucking killed when you're Edie Hart.
Not that anything can actually kill Edie Hart.
Anyway I gotta go put salad on a shelf tomorrow.
For nine hours.
Starting at 5 AM.
Why are people shopping at 5 AM?
That's the most disturbing part of this job in my opinion.
I mean I have to be here-- if I'm not I get fired.
Why are you here?
Oh God why am I still reading this shitty blog?
Anyway I'm out.
LIKE SHOUT.

The fuck is this

I've been very busy.
Anyway check this shit out.
Pretentious hipster garbage.
Just look at the title of this motherfucker:
"Entries older than eight weeks made private. Edited on Mondays."
I mean why? Why make your old entries private?
Who gives a shit?
Oh well at least it makes short work of this blog.

Which is your favorite of the seven dwarfs?

Who gives a shit?

Blasphemy. Followed closely by Irony.

So fucking edgy holy shit.
Easy people, we have a real internet hardass right here.

Hey, alright! I took a shower. I was at Home Depot today. Guess what I've got for you?

Spoilers: a really boring short story about nanotechnology.
Naturally.

Seriously you have nanomachines in your story and the best you can come up with is a bathroom that changes its colors every month?
Are you a girl?

Name three things you can’t live without.

Fucking writer's blocks are the worst.

Oxygen, water, and at least one atmosphere of air pressure to keep it all together.

LOLOLOL XD SO FUNNY
What about gravity?
Electromagnetism?
Heat?
Also this is a girl.
Explains her choice in application for nanomachines.
You know in Ghost in the Shell they use nanomachines to wire a neural interface to peoples' brains so they can have a tactical overlay in their vision.
OR PRETTY COOOLOOOORS ON THE WAAAALLS.

Belinda lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The light through the thin, lace curtains traced patterns that constantly shifted. She watched those without thinking about anything in particular.

A few hours ago, when the clock in the main room had struck seven, Belinda had failed to get out of bed. Charlene had not said anything, but only made her own bed, got dressed, and went downstairs.

Eight o'clock passed without incident. Nine o'clock sounded like doors opening and closing. Ten o'clock's final chines echoed with footsteps.

Booooring.

“That's enough self-pity,” Annora said, not fully entering the room. “Get up and act like a human.”

Belinda pulled the covers over her head. “My grandmother is dead.”

“Charming,” Annora said. “You can talk to Charlene about it and she'll tell you all about how Evie is in heaven with her mother and my sister.”

That hurt more than a slap across the face.

“I'll give you thirty more minutes,” Annora said. “And that's more than enough time for you to get dressed, wash your face, and brush your hair. This is a working farm, not a hospital.”

Belinda threw back the covers and stared at her aunt's cousin. “Don't you mourn her?”

Annora frowned. “That's for later, when there's nothing to do. You can do that in the dark. The cows need to be milked during the day.”

God why
I'm two paragraphs into this mess, want to cool it a little with the dialogue?
I've written entire 20 page stories with less dialogue than what's right here.

The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
-- Wernher Von Braun

Just looking at these combat sequences and wondering why anyone would put actual human beings on the ground in harm's way.

A machine must be eternally instructed.

It bothers me. There's so much that should be possible--hell, is possible--that I should never have soldiers walking around on the ground. It keeps coming back to me, over and over, that no human should ever be harmed.

And the only thing that keeps me going is knowing how cheap a human is in comparison. I have to make an economic choice that a human with a shield and a gun is actually cheaper than a robot. I need them there for plot's sake, but I need a decent reason to have them there.

>I need a decent reason to have soldiers fighting
>I need them for the sake of the plot
Looks like you found your reason, then.
You really shouldn't develop emotional attachments to your characters for exactly this reason.
This is why your stories are all boring talky bullshit. Too afraid to put any bite into the story.
All of her stories, no matter the subject or location, are all exactly the same-- women talking and sounding really wise. How the hell have I read a scifi story involving aliens, a story about a modern day failing marriage and an idyllic story set at the turn of the century by you and all seem exactly the same?
Seriously that's the best you can do with nanomachines?
Fucking magic paint?
I've been playing this game called Deus Ex: Human Revolution lately and the first 30 seconds of that game have more action than all of your stories combined and I'm pretty sure most of the opening 30 seconds is, in fact, a phone conversation.
But at least you know it's building up to something, not just self indulgent whining. At least the game has a fucking point to make.
That's right: against the incredibly low standard of video game writing, you fail.
In fact, Deus Ex could have no violence at all and it'd still be interesting because there's still an underlying message it's trying to express.
Modern authors and I hate to say it but especially female authors seem to forget this step and it makes their writing very dull and uninteresting.
It doesn't have to be complicated-- it doesn't even have to really be a complete thought. Deus Ex's is more of a question: "what does it mean to be human?"
You know in a world where people have all of their bodies replaced with machines it's easy to see where the line blurs.
This could be an entirely peaceful society but I'd still be interested in it because it's an interesting question.
In fact, the first question you ask yourself before you've even fully fleshed out a plot or character is "why am I telling this story in the first place?" and reading about some bitch thinking while feeding her fish I get the impression you skipped that step.
And of course, there's action.
When you limit your dialogue it really tightens it up and forces you to make decisions about what your characters are saying so nothing comes across as frivolous or like everyone is mincing about for no reason.
Basically to make a long explanation shorter you suck at writing and should stop.
Character motivation, too, is usually pretty simple and doesn't need an entire internal monologue. Of course the girl who just lost a grandparent is sad. You should probably show us how sad instead of her telling us how sad she is.
Anyway I'm ending here because I'm tired as fuck but check these out:




Paladin, Bard and Black Mage.
Only 3 more sets to finish now~

What the actual fuck

I hope you're ready for this.
Just kidding there is no preparation for this. You just hope your years of Space Marine training somehow sees you through to the end.
But it won't. Prepare to reap the inferno.

Introduce all your different personalities.

Today's writer's block. For once I was read to commiserate with the idiots on Livejournal who didn't understand this question but further proving they exist on a different plane of reality they all seemed to understand what was going on.
My different personalities?
Well here's me and here's me fucking angry. There you go.

This is pretty insulting, invasive, and triggery to systems that actually have been diagnosed with DID. Fuck whoever approved this writer's block.

Who
Cares?
But if we hearken back to the hoary ages gone, to the gate of eternal gloom we'll recall I offered a service whereby I'd document all of your pussies' quirks and idiosyncrasies and I promised I could save you a fuckton of money in lawsuits and people quitting over being butt devastated. Well here's where this service would have paid off, Livejournal. First five entries are people furious over this question because they have actual multiple personalities.
Ignoring multiple personalities is one of the rarest mental conditions there is if five people on the top (and I didn't dig into this at all) are this frustrated over this you conceivably lost business over this one little question.
Multiply that by millions of faggots and literally hundreds of offensive questions and suddenly my price is seeming more like a beggar's ransom, eh?

Also insulting to those of us who are multiples, publicly or in the closet.

Says one commentator.

Indeed. Even the phrasing, like it's an ORDER, is making my skin crawl. DID is a coping mechanism. Alters aren't there to pop in and out on fucking command.

She responds.
IT'S A DISORDER YOU FUCKING INSENSITIVE PRICKS.
I don't think that's what they were talking about.
I'm not sure why I'm defending them. I have no clue what the writer's block was even about today.
Maybe they are talking about multiple personalities, shit.

Agreed. I have contacted LJ to see if they will remove this topic. As a person who has DID/MPD, I was triggered, and I find it highly discriminatory. Imagine if they used "tell us all about your type of cancer" as a topic. Would THAT fly?

I imagine cancer patients and survivors have more to do than be butthurt over a nonsensical statement on a shitty has-been website dominated by Russians.
But I only work at a grocery store so here I am.

Big time. They are making me wonder if my $20 a year toward my paid account is worth it.

HOLY SHIT.
SEE, LIVEJOURNAL?
I would have only charged you 15 dollars to go over this writer's block. Honest to Christ.
My services could have saved you possibly tens of dollars today. You're hurting for business, don't act like you can tell people to eat a cock.
Also 20 dollars a year, seriously?
That's like a quarter of a penny a day.
Don't act all entitled over 20 bucks a year. My game charges me almost that much a month and it frequently tells its consumers to go fuck themselves when they're off their asses.
Which is more often than not.
Here's a post about Kony.
I can't believe I'm bringing attention to this nonsense but Joseph (I think) Kony is an African dictator in-- Uganda I believe.
So already this is more than I want to know about this guy but apparently he's a very mean man and has committed genocide and incited ethnic riots and employed child soldiers and all sorts of other naughty things.
And white people on the internet are very angry at him.
Of course when I ask why him over the literally hundreds of other dictators as bad or worse than him I'm met with blank stares because they're all 16 year old girls high on their first crusade.
This reminds me very much of that organization at every high school ever Amnesty International.
You know that group that draws a third world country's ruler out of a hat and decides he MUST BE STOPPED THIS WEEK and so you can write a strongly worded letter and for the change you have at lunch he can be stopped.
Of course I always made sure to ask the girl (invariably a girl) asking for my signature why a man who has no qualms about committing genocide and enslaving children to use as soldiers will suddenly grow a conscience at the behest of a bunch of kids writing letters half a world away and then I was told I was a mean person.
I don't think high schoolers are quite equipped (as I apparently was) to deal with the psychology of a madman.
But they sure fell for that scam of Amnesty International.
I ask you, who is worse? The man who commits the genocide or the carrion that feeds on the carcasses of the weak and ill-fortuned?

I was reading a post somewhere that asked rhetorically: How come the people who aren't stupid enough to fall for Nigerian phishing scams are falling for this?

Are you fucking stupid?
This isn't rhetorical. This has an actual answer.
To convince someone you have to appeal to logic, emotion or ethics.
The Nigerian prince scam only works on the hopelessly foolish as it appeals to neither logic, emotion or ethics.
But this Kony thing, hey. That's an emotional appeal. I don't like to see children hurt so I can stand behind this movement.
And the Ugandan people want freedom just like the founding fathers of my own glorious and prosperous nation did so that's like an ethical thing, too.
It stands to reason that all men would want to be treated fairly.
It has all three going for it.
Only people with superior reasoning skills like my own can see right through this.
I've stated it before and I will state it again: the only thing men like Kony understand is violence. No matter how passionate, he will not listen to reason, ethics or emotions. The only course of action is to hunt him down like a dog.
Of course pussies on the internet don't understand shit like I do.
You guys gotta read a book sometime, holy shit.
Here's a round of "marry, fuck, kill" that's supposedly impossible.

Rush Limbaugh, Kirk Cameron, Rick Santorum.

Suicide is not an option.

Go.

Well I'm not a woman so I can't marry any of these so I guess murder is my only option.

Chex cereal for lunch, because I do what I want. J. had to work today (bah!) so I don't feel obligated to be anything but grubby. Which suits me fine because my uterus exploded.

Hey, lets talk about my uterus.

Hey sure. I'm not doing anything.

The endocrinologist recommended I be put on The Pill.

Me mudder said no. Why? Because the Pope said no. Because JP2 knew all about the pussy and associated plumbing, I'm sure.

I've been playing a lot of FFXIV lately and I wouldn't cross the Pope. He's likely a powerful thaumaturge.

When I turned 17 (coincidentally the same time I became consensually sexually active), my periods stopped altogether. Of course this happened the month that I took it upon myself to get my ass to the gynecologist of my choosing and get a scrip for The Pill, which I couldn't take because you're supposed to start after your next flow finishes. Whatever, I said, and kept going along with condoms. I remember I had one ten-day-long gusher when I turned 20 and then kaput.

I really appreciate this frank discussion of your nether regions.
You know when I woke up today I said to myself "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO THIS FINE FRIDAY? I KNOW, I WANT TO READ ABOUT THE MENSTRUATION CYCLE OF SOME CUNT ON LIVEJOURNAL!" and lo, were my prayers answered.

When I was 23 I started seeing a gynecologist regularly, because J. and I were thinking about having children in the near future. She put me on The Pill, and gave me Provera to start a period artificially. By that point my ovaries were like, calcified.

This warms my heart and fills my muscles with a certain hale I haven't felt in literally a decade hearing about your calcified ovaries.
How many blogs have I said something like "it sure is a shame you can reproduce"?
Well maybe never but I was sure thinking it.
Here's a blog where I can't say that.
That is one thing this blog has going for it.

Children were not in my future.

So I shop at Lane Bryant and keep tweezers in every room of the house. I still get acne. I'm not as pretty as I used to be, which contributes to my agoraphobia (that's another post, people).

Praise
Zeus

About four years ago I started menstruating again. It's painful and untrackable, sometimes I get premenstrual symptoms, sometimes I don't. It ranges between a 25 to 40 days between flows.

If this were a Greek play the amount of gods you'd have pissed off to see this level of misfortune visited upon you would be the length of my arm.
Zeus
Hera
Apollo
Do you know how hard it is to piss off Zeus and Hera at the same time?
Pissing off one is likely pleasing the other so I don't even understand how this would be possible.
You must be an awful human being is what I'm getting at.
Actually I'm not sure what you did to piss off Zeus. Zeus sure doesn't like a whiner but I don't know. His other crimes include hubris and hypocrisy and you seem okay (as okay as a Livejournal user can be) on that front.

Do I resent me mudder for not allowing me to take the meds? Yes. But what I resent more is the bullshit patriarchal belief/political system that indoctrinated her to put the alleged wishes of some imaginary sky fairy, written about in a book thousands of years before commercial oral contraception was available, above the medical needs of her child.

Hera sure doesn't like people who disrespect their parents, that's for sure.
The will of the old gods should be observed not out of fear of damnation but because it is a good idea.
Also I like that bulletproof logic. It's not your mom's fault for being a stupid cunt it's somehow society's fault for--
wait, why is it society's fault again?
Patriarchal beliefs--
okay.

I'm a slut on my own terms.

Well at least Aphrodite would be pleased with you.
Except she is vain and only cares about beauty so I bet she'd be very displeased you make a mockery of her glorious and unburdened ways.
The will of the gods sure is hard to keep track of.

The sexist, homophobic, and sizeist drivel being directed at Jennifer Hepler? Stop for a second, and look at your own life. Then look at this woman who has written for some of the most successful and critically-acclaimed video games in history, who has created memorable, relatable characters that are part of the pop culture landscape.

Here's your tissues. We'll wait while you finish crying.

>Hamburger Helper
>creating memorable, relatable characters
So I'll explain.
There's a company called Bioware and they make video games known for their characters and plot and for actually telling a good story and shit.
This was circa 2000.
Well flash forward to 2012 and they hire some landwhale named Jennifer Hepler who couldn't write a believable character if you gave her the entire biography and told her to slap her name on it and suddenly women (who are now the primary consumer of Bioware games) are throwing a shitfit because the traditionally male dominated gamer demographic doesn't want their games to be a homosexual soap opera where you can skip the fighting to get to more gay sex.
Yes, one of her proposed innovations that's gaining steam is the ability to skip fights in RPGs.
Skip the fighting
in a game
about fighting.
But clearly this is homophobic, sexist and because she's fat.
Not because, you know, she's a scourge.
I'd also like to point out the traditional gamer demographic has never been known for its kindness and another man, Gabe Newell, is also frequently made fun of for being fat and yet no one ever mentions this because Gabe Newell is an all around good guy and doesn't give a fuck and is too busy being a billionaire to care what some nerds on the internet think.
Also he created Half-Life which is more than Hamburger Helper will ever be able to claim.

Hey, Hepler said it herself - they're just jealous because she has a vagina AND works in the videogaming industry. That's when they started spewing their frothy diarrhea all over her twitter, because SHE'S RIGHT.

She is EVERYTHING they want to be and she does what they WISH they could do, and she does with WITH A VAGINA.

Pretty sure the point she was making was she had a vagina and they'll never have girlfriends.
Which is a cunning strategy by an equally cunning linguist.
But when what's attached to the vagina looks like this I think you've kind of lost your point.
The good news is I can sit above it all because I was never a Bioware fan. I considered Baldur's Gate overrated and kind of outdated at the time and the first Mass Effect was an enjoyable but overall forgettable and derivative scifi game.

*highfive* you said it, woman.
Their discomfort with the inclusion of ANY romance in gaming, much less same-sex options, speaks volumes as to their real-life prowess *cough*lackthereof*cough* with meaningful relationships.

Oh shit son got 'em.
Actually every complaint I've ever heard about any romance in any video game hinges more around it being unbelievable or the spouse they chose would not have been one they'd have chosen otherwise.
Nerds being predictable creatures are more than comfortable discussing their lack of real world experience but are well known for being exceptionally choosy in terms of waifus.
In fact I imagine 90% of the problems in Mass Effect's brilliant romance subplot could have been eliminated if you could create your own waifu.
Also in a game where I'm literally a secret agent in space hunting an alien super intelligence somehow my interest isn't talking about purses and going to the mall with some blue slut.
Call this the difference between men and women's fiction I guess.

Seriously.

SORRY NECKBEARDS, WE'RE TAKING OVER. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It's like, you aren't going to stop it, so just STFU and keep jerking your mini pork sword to sexed-up comic book characters, because we all know that you can't get any IRL.

You can't have "your" games or "your" little exclusive world back.

Now it's time to play my favorite game:
replace the word "neckbeards" with "blacks" or "Jews".
Suddenly seems a lot more hostile, doesn't it?
But go ahead you worthless cunts, have fun with your gay romance simulators. Your attention spans will lapse as they invariably do and you'll flit impotently to the next Facebook fad.
Ohhh goodness.

I like walking into the local gaming store with J. and having all these hunchedover douchebags having a LAN party suddenly go silent at the presence of ESTROGEN in their dank smelly MANCAVE OF HELL. Seriously, they have no idea how to act around females, its HILARIOUS when I ask questions about shit that ONLY MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT.

9/10 there's a woman working at the game store I go to and they're probably so taken aback at how much of a cunt you're acting they can't see straight anymore.
This is exactly what I was talking about before. Why am I supposed to be impressed by this? You don't see me marching into a crafting store and saying LOOK! I AM A MAN WHO SCRAPBOOKS!
Ignoring for the moment I don't scrapbook I wouldn't expect to be accommodated specially even if I were.

"Hey, do you have any WoW TCG loot cards? Specifically looking for vanity pets if you have any."

"I didn't know anyone wasted their money on useless vanity items in a video game. Good work shedding those gender stereotypes you useless sow."
And then I'd be fired.
Ohhh I can't wait for this girls and gaming fad to die. If only so Edie Finds a Corpse can go back to business as usual.
Look at me I'm a guy and I work in a store that sells cooking stuff
DON'T HIT ON ME SILLY OLDER WOMEN xP

Seriously. All the fucking manchild problems being faced by the manchildren? ARE THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT.

Remember: replace "manchild" with "African American".
If nerds seem angry because you're a woman it's because nerds are very angry people. You just happened to be a woman and in their line of fire.
If you were black guess what?
A Jew?
Asian?
Another white guy just like them?
Doesn't fucking matter.
I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I've been called a racist slur that doesn't even make sense. Angry, angry people.
So I'm going to cut this entry off here because it's pretty much more of the same from here on-- her whining about female problems, her getting angry at white nerds like myself for some reason--
Oh but before I go check this shit out:
And yeah that was a guy who stopped dead in his tracks to look at my character for like 5 minutes.
I imagine if you were a woman in real life that would get very tedious and creepy but fortunately none of you on Livejournal are hot enough to manage that feat.
Hot brown girl?
Full Monk Artifact Armor?
Day 2 of the patch that added said armor?
Edie sure has it going on.
Not pictured: my half completed set of black mage armor.
Anyway this entry is way too fucking long already.
Goodbye.

I'm not taking any shit or piss

Jesus Christ do I have a decision to make. This weekend is TERA Beta III but IT'S ALSO FFXIV PATCH TIME OH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?
Too many sluts in my life right now and they're all named Edie.
Including this fucking blog. Fuck this shit.
I dunno this is a pretty important patch. New job stuff I want to get in on as quickly as possible.
Also I gotta go do the grocery store thing.
Fuck the economy.
I'm told I should be thankful I have a job at all because most people can't even get what I have but you know, come on.
A superior specimen such as myself can't be expected to do this lowly work for long.
Anyway back to the FFXIV shit-- oh wait, right, blogs.
I gotta save my off topic bullshit for the content.

If you’ve seen my fanfiction page, you already know a little bit about me. Relatively fresh out of grad school, newlywed, and fresh on the job, it seems as if I’m just now starting to put my life together but caught in one of those conundrums that ironically screams “welcome to the real world, you sucker.” I thought I had it all figured out. But who does?

Me, I do.
I'm less than two weeks into this shitty job and already I'm afforded (dubious) honors people with seniority over me don't have.
IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE MY SUPERIORITY IS PROVEN.

I never did like graduate school. In fact, I hated it. I was isolated from my friends and family and the town I lived in was a dump, other than the fact that it existed only as a college town. I didn’t go out to the bars and/or party because I was a graduate student – I spent most of my time studying. If I did have time to go out, I was either too broke or too tired to actually do it. I missed being in college. Graduate school is not college. Hell, getting a master’s degree is one thing. Getting a Ph.D. should be classified as full-fledged indentured service.

I didn't study like I should have and I graduated with honors.
I paid for that in a different way, though, holy shit.

As it turns out, the decision to attend a school like this with no source for gigantic funding or money-making-sports-machine established Ph.D. program in biology is really hurting my career right now. I have the degree but that's just a piece of paper. What I lack is knowledge only gained from state-of-the-art courses, laboratories, and overall research opportunities that was NOT present during my time as a grad student.

Yes, it's their fault you don't know fuck about shit and not your own for not studying.

Let me put it this way: AP students in high school are taking classes I took as a graduate student. Absolutely pathetic.

...
You know I had this argument with someone once, that graduate school is where the cocks are and college ain't shit but when I pointed out I was currently sitting in a master level class as an undergraduate and I have the highest GPA in the class and I'm starting to wonder if people aren't just dumber than I am and he disagreed and I'd have my ass handed to me eventually.
Well it never happened and now I hear this shit.

I was unemployed for several months before finding a part-time job and keeping it for over a year before finally settling for a full-time job that pays way below the skill level (as most jobs are right now. I’ve even heard of law and med school students being strippers to pay their bills. I say more power to ‘em).

I say you shouldn't sit down and accept this.
Homer called Odysseus one of the greatest warriors ever and it wasn't because he was strong. He was cunning.
It's time to be cunning.
Such a decadent society is filled to the brim with easy targets and babby's first backstab that a mind like mine can see coming a thousand miles away.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ungrateful for what I have. I’m very aware of the economic situation all over the world, I’m very aware of the alarming number of people that got laid off and are unemployed (a few of my relatives are included in those statistics), and I know that I’m very lucky to be in the position I’m in.

Fortunate or not I will succeed.
Fortune is no reason to lie down and accept your lot.
Unless you're a peasant, of course.

Am I bitching about my degree? Well, yes and no, but I believe that hard work ultimately pays off and that God has strange way of leading us down the paths we’re meant to walk.

Oofuh – did she say God?

Damn right I did.

Oh
SHIT.

The hell am I doing in biology?

Good question. I’m a conservative Christian – and leaving all politics and religion out of this – what the shit am I doing scientific research for?

Conservative Christian
Supporter of strippers
No I'm not buying it.

My favorite Final Fantasy game had always been FFVIII, with FFX coming in a close second, but I’d never thought of Quistis and Seifer’s background or relationships that extensively until reading

I'm trying desperately to find that entry where I said "only girls like FFVIII" and I can't.
How can you like FFVIII? It sucked. The plot made no sense, the combat made even less sense and was tedious busywork and for a Final Fantasy game it only had one song on the entire soundtrack that approached memorable.

My hobbies include playing video games, reading fiction, and watching the occasional boob tube. I wish I'd look like a female anime character.

Anime characters have disturbing proportions. They'd be very unnerving to witness in real life.

I like to believe I have a sense of humor, something that also seems to be missing in science. I mean, it’s there…but it’s always the nerdy inside-joke “I’d like to get into your genes, heheheh” type bullshit. My type of humor cannot be seen in the workplace,

So?
Neither can mine. If I call a customer a cunt I get fired but such is the price you pay.

Stifled robot or not, this is what helps me cope. This is me. I curse like a sailor, I love fantasy, I want to attend at least one comic-con in my lifetime,

You do? I've already said fuck and cunt like 15 million times in this one entry alone and you've said, what, hell once?
Oh God all her entries are hidden behind cuts and she only has three entries per page before I have to click "back 3 entries".
It's like she engineered this to piss me off.

I always grew up as one of the guys, simply because I fucking hate drama and I can't stand talking about what’s going on in Hollywood, Coach purses, or Sex and the City.

Number of times I've heard girls say they can't stand hanging out with other girls: too many to count
Number of times I've heard guys say they can't stand hanging out with other guys: 0
Are women biologically disposed to hating each other or is there something else at work here?
Personally I take this as further proof for why you should consider me the greatest sage of our time when I advise everyone to date brown girls but I can't really explain how these things are related yet.

Well, I don't have anything in common with some of these people. Take a gander at my profile. Hobbies that I like aren’t hobbies to other people; in fact, I’m somewhat of an outcast since apparently playing role-playing video games and having an interest in science qualifies me as a certified loser.

You like FFVIII. I have yet to see proof you're actually a fan of video games.
Here's her whining about how slutty Barbie looks now--
God I feel like I've been spending a lot of time listening to women whine lately.
Well it's that or nothing because I reached the beginning of her blog--

After bitching and moaning about how scantily-clad most of the dolls were (to their credit, they were wearing bikinis, but c'mon - it's almost December) to how much the fully-clothed ones cost (the specialty "princess" dolls were over $20 and others were just at $20), my husband and I finally settled on a Barbie doll that was wearing a hot pink, shiny dress with a black-bowtie-choker. She was apparently shopping, because her accessory was a grey shopping basket.

Bracing myself for "stereotypical gender roles" and I'm not putting up with any of this shit after working the grocery business for an entire two weeks.
All of the music that plays there: geared towards women
90% of grocery shoppers: women
all of the problem customers: women

What is she doing? Is she at a sex shop, searching for a whip? Is she at the drugstore, searching for items to make meth? I'll never know.

She's probably grocery shopping. I've seen some shit, man.
These 40 year old women come in dressed in what they have no business being dressed in and you can hear their biological clock ticking down like a fucking nuclear warhead.
I feel kinda bad for them.

I guess my point is that Barbie looks pretty skanky, and I'm not really proud I bought it.

There was this one Hispanic MILF that came in yesterday looking for ginger root (I remember because holy shit I've never seen ginger in my life) she was annoying but I was about to put the moves on but then her kid ran up.
I can respect being a dutiful mom but you know if you're going to dress like a skank at the grocery store you might want to leave the baggage behind.
And why is it none of the hot brown girls ever need help? I go out of my way to make sure their shopping experience is the best it can be because this is my in I'm a dutiful employee and yet they never do.

This toy is supposed to go to an innocent little girl through a Catholic charity, and while I'm definitely no saint, I don't believe a small child's toy should be sexed up like this. I also noticed that all of the Barbies have significantly more makeup than I remember, too. I suppose that my husband and I are to blame since we bought the stupid thing and didn't pony up to buy a more expensive version (I really wanted to get the Nurse Barbie, but that didn't happen), but come on.

See it's your fault. You bought slut Barbie when you could have had slutty fetish nurse Barbie instead.
I mean this is the reason she'll never become a nurse and instead will be a stripper.

I was, however, reminded of the movie Love Actually, when Emma Thompson's character was showing her husband two different types of dolls and said, "Now, which doll shall we give Daisy's little friend Emily; the one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?"

(If you haven't seen the movie, watch it - it's definitely the season for it. I watch it every year around Christmastime.)

I don't think that'll be happening.
Unless I somehow spring ovaries.
So speaking of people dressed like dominatrices (as the plural of dominatrix is dominatrices just like codex's plural is codices and GOD I KNOW TOO MUCH SHIT) there's going to be a whole slew of new armor for dear old Edie this Friday.
Can't wait to get that monk armor, man.
Seems like she'll be a bit too decent, though. Can't have that.
Or maybe she won't. I don't rightly know.
The rule for the new jobs is you have to have a main job at 30 and a subjob at 15.
Of course I have all jobs at 50 so I'm going to be in for a fucking run around this weekend. Completing all quest chains for all jobs is going to be some shit, man.
Hopefully they're good and not like, I dunno, conjurer's quest line which is a bunch of goddamn whining.
Or worse, Goldsmith?
Holy motherfuck that quest was bad. MY BROTHER IS DEAD AND WAAAAAAH I LOVE THIS GIRL WHO IS A WHORE and I don't care, seriously. What do you want made and how much does this pay?
At least culinarian had the decency to be balls out insane on top of the whining.
Like you fell in love with a prostitute and you're surprised she is a prostitute for a living?
Come on, guy.
Oh right. Blog over.
Go home.