Oh-- oh.

Oh.
Ready to bear testament to something so horrible I'm not even sure I saw it?
I just keep having to scroll through it to make sure my mind didn't engineer this. It's so douchey I can't believe it's actually real.
Surely this is the product of a unwell mind but NO, THERE IT IS AGAIN.
JEEEEEEEESUS.
Oh, we'll come to it in due time. Let's take this nice and slow.
I found this blog through a comment on another blog. I'm pretty sure these people are furries due to some evidence that's about to come to light and also everyone has furry avatars.
Just stands to reason.
Needless to say this comment was bad enough to cause me to investigate further and, well, here we are.

Since it's looking increasingly unlikely that Ian will get the recording of last session's Cthulhu to me before it's time for the next one, I present a synopsis of events. Spoilers for Jon Hook's The Faculty Party.

With the Professor of Romantic Literature Rosa Moore dead at their feet, apparently the result of a suicidal leap from the top floor balcony, Agents Rondale and Johnson rush to secure the scene, moving the other party-goers ( including as they do Rondale's siblings and McGinty's date ) back, before they check the remains and head upstairs to search for evidence of foul play.

1.5 paragraphs in and I'm 100% lost.
In fact, this is so stupid I'm skipping it. It might relate to an RPG called Call of Cthulhu or perhaps the weeaboo version Cthulhu-Tech (where people in the grimdark future fight Lovecraftian horrors with giant robots-- wait, why does that cause nerds to nerd rage?) but I don't know.

A few notes on the trip to Sydney for Grandma's funeral, and other stuff.

Took a big suitcase, mostly empty , because every other trip I've come home with a suitcase full of second-hand clothes. This may explain why my wardrobe is overflowing, but how can you you politely refuse the charity? Anyway, this turned out to be a mistake, since my brother had neglected to include any baggage allowance when he booked the tickets for us. Ah well.

YAY BORING FUNERAL STORY.
I like how he prefaces this with "a few notes about the trip to Sydney" like oh boy, I was just waiting for this post.
Ok here's the post that caused such unnatural revulsion in me.
I just need someone to confirm that I'm looking at a My Little Pony/Warhammer crossover fanfiction comic. Surely this isn't real.
SURELY
SURELY NO ONE CAN BE THIS MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE.
Oh my God. I don't even know where to begin on what's wrong with this.
One commenter has this to say:

sorry you marines been eaten by genereavers…

It's a Genestealer, dipshit, not a Genereaver.
Jesus Christ I hate Livejournal.
What the fuck is it with you My Little Pony people and shoehorning your creepy fetish into absolutely everything? This is what people hate about furries, you know. People don't hate foot fetishists not because they're not creepy but because they KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES.
BUT NOOOOOOOOO GOTTA MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LITTLE PONY.

rainbow dash = jaghati khan (white scars — fast attack)
flutershy = leman russ (space wolves — taming beasts)
applejack = rogal dorn (imperial fists — siege)
rarity = sanguinius (blood angels — oh so pretty…)
pinkie pie = vulkan (salamanders — pyrotechnics)

I--
What the fuck am I reading?
I wish I knew enough about My Little Pony to call you an idiot but I'm not a six year old girl.
Can I just call you an idiot for drawing the analogy in the first place?
Sure, why the fuck not?
I don't know what Fluttershy is but you just compared it to a barbarian who strangled a 20 foot tall wolf to death with his bare hands.
You just compared something called Pinkie Pie to a man who had a five day duel in an active volcano.
They're all clones of a man humanity has dubbed the God Emperor.
This'd be like me sitting here comparing Judge Dredd to Spongebob.

Also, I love that Bronies not only enjoy a show about Love and Tolerance but also love the game/s All about War and Destruction

I thought you Bronies were complete faggots but at least you were off on your own corner of nerd culture.
Now you've wandered into my corner and I'm a little pissed.

Netzach's father was the product of hundreds of years of careful breeding to perfect the Navigator Gene that makes interstellar travel possible - careful breeding he threw away on a dalliance with a comely lower-deck wench. The emergence of Netzach's Third Eye and associated psychic abilities, some 13 years later, came as a huge shock to everybody concerned.

Guess you missed the part of the Navigator backstory where it's a 100% hereditary trait, necessitating Navigators to only reproduce with other Navigators.
Good work, dipshit.
This is in reference to Rogue Trader, an RPG set in the Warhammer 40k universe and apparently this blog is just keen on pissing me off on all Warhammer-related issues today because he's 2/2 currently.
I'd have let this one slide if I hadn't seen the previous travesty but now I'm not in a forgiving mood.

XD - I just deleted a spambot comment on the Rogue Trader post. It wanted to add the entry - an entry about the grimdark and unbearably horrible Warhammer 40K Universe - to a blog about 'the Top 50 Travel Destinations'.

XD
Oh God why.
List of fan communities I hate:

• Pokemon
• Final Fantasy
• Elder Scrolls
• WARHAMMER

My list grows. Here's an unrelated post on an unrelated forum this asshole linked me to:

The Word Bearers? What kind of silly name is that for a Chaos Legion?

Gee I dunno, maybe they're some kind of missionaries for Chaos.
Like they bear something--
maybe words.
Words of Chaos, you know?
So Word Bearers.
JESUS CHRIST YOU PEOPLE ARE WORKING ON MY LAST NERVE TONIGHT.
SPACE WOLVES THAT'S A FUNNY NAME BECAUSE WOLVES ARE TERRESTRIAL CREATURES AND NOT OUT IN SPACE AT ALL HA HA HA HA XP MY LITTLE PONY

"The Smurf is actually the result of a symbiotic relationship between two organisms. We believe that Smurfs put their 'embryos' in the button of a developing mushroom. From a distance, Smurfs seem like they are wearing a hat and pants but as you can see this is a fallacy.

Except Smurfette because she was created by Gargamel.
AM I SERIOUSLY READING THIS?
ABOUT THE SMURFS?
What the fuck, kid? What has gone wrong in your life where you're writing fanfiction about the fucking Smurfs?

Smurfs are believed to be a hunter gatherer society. As you can see, this little guy is returning from a successful venture. It is generally difficult to spot a Smurf; they are very apprehensive and cunning.

Oh yeah, hunter gatherer society. Remember that episode where Brainy downed a mammoth with an atlatl?
NO?
Fuck it, me neither.
I had to wander off for about two hours to get my mind off this bullshit.
I've kind of forgotten why I was so angry.
Oh right, I remember now.
FUUUCK IT.

Paragraphs

What are paragraphs? I don't know. Fuck my reader. Everything goes in a fucking blob on the page because coherency is for pussies and FAGGOTS.
Expect a short entry, incidentally, because this blog is specifically designed to keep me doing other things.

i'm depressed. i need to do something constructive. tomorrow i will do sit ups and push ups, and also put all the christmas lights up. wake up at 10 or maybe earlier. and tonight i will clean my room. getting my shit in order<3

But I'm not going to get this blog in order. Fuck words.
Okay, now we start into the real entries. I'm going to tell you when one paragraph starts and when I either skip to a new one or a new one begins because there is no logic behind anything she posts. Ideas just abruptly end and start and then she'll return to a previous idea with no thought given to cohesion or clarity.

i love school! i was so excited just to buy notebooks today. i wonder how long my organizational ways will last? haha i mean i have no intentions of becoming un-motivated or un-ambitious. i need to party this weekend.

See what I mean?

seriously. i haven't really done anything that didn't include sitting at someones house watching either the big lebowski or flight of the conchords or some discovery chanel thing, while everyone smokes, and then going home to either my house or justin's and sleeping. actually last weekend we went up to cal, but it wasn't even that fun, and i didn't drink or anything.

Things are only fun when I'm drunk.
God, what a slag.

and did i just we us as if i CAN'T do anything without justin?

What, did you suddenly suffer rapid onset brain damage and now you can't type thoughts that make sense? I'll admit it was clearly a struggle before but what's this mess?

but it's like everyone else as boyfriends too that they are obsessed with, and that wasn't a dig, but i wish i could just get a bunch of girls together and go out to a bar or something, or like go to oakland and just go to some parties. i'm doing that this weekend, friday night, no matter what. so anyone who reads this, any ideas?

Here's a fucking idea: kill yourself.
End of idea.
In fact, get all your slut girlfriends in on a murder/suicide pact.
Yes, this is the best idea I've had lately.

haha it's sad when you go to the extent of reaching out for fun on livejournal...and i don't have a phone because it's broken so that is an excuse i guess?

What is it with the illiterate and communication devices?
GEE, I CAN BARELY CREATE A COHERENT THOUGHT-- BETTER FORM AN OBSESSION OVER A DEVICE THAT REQUIRES ME TO COMMUNICATE!

wait why did " i need to party this weekend" follow "i have no intentions of becoming un-motivated or un-ambitious"???? really though i'm all in to school. and i loooooove my existentialism teacher, that's for sure my favorite class. journalism is such a joke. am i really going to be a journalist? am i contacting lj as if it were a magic eight ball? and did i just justify a magic eight ball? and could i contradict myself anymore? hahaaaaha balls

New paragraph, incidentally. Not that you'd be able to tell another way but I don't even know why I bothered. I think she'd make a great journalist.
I'm not joking, either. She's way more coherent than anyone writing for my local newspaper.

every girl is the exact same. all of us. every entry on my friends page is the exact same.

You read it here first. Girls are interchangeable.

"i'm really trying not to be crazy right now...he's given me no reason not to trust him...why does he make me feel this way...i think i'm going crazy...i'm a psycho...seriously i'm done...he is blah blah blah and it's the happiest i've ever been but he's also blah blah blah..."

I'm bookmarking this blog so if anyone ever asks why I say "don't get involved with white girls" I can just link them this.
And then when they say "but surely there are bad people in any given group" I can link them my blog. YOU SEEM TO RUN A VERY SERIOUS RISK OF DATING ONE OF THESE IF YOU DATE WHITE WOMEN IS ALL I'M SAYING.

why do we blame ourselves? why do we have such low self confidence? and why don't we realize it? my mom told me never to trust a woman, that even though men are dogs they will be more loyal to you in the end.

Don't entrust anyone with anything you wouldn't entrust to a toddler.

i think it's so true, because women are always looking for that person who will make us feel like nothing else matters like that drop everything fireworks love. girls really should look out for girls more, myself especially.

"drop everything fireworks love" is not a phrase I recognize as being spoken by a human.
That's like alien logic.
Are you possessed?
Here's a good tip for you, incidentally: focus on being less of a dumb slut.

anyways, i always make some crazy off the wall entry about justin, and he always makes me feel sooooo stupid for ever writing it, not that he reads it, but you get it. so i make them private then.

So you make it private.
Just like this entry OH WAIT.
Also I can't believe Justin has to make you feel stupid for reading this. You should skim back over it and go "God, I'm a dumb whore."
Oh that's right, if you had any sort of introspection you wouldn't be doing anything you do.
Answered my own question there, har har.

nothing can keep me and justin apart, and i truly trust and love him with all my heart. he is the only person who knows exactly what i'm thinking, even when i'm no where near him.

I'm sure reading your mind is difficult. It's like reading the mind of my dog.
Oh, by the way: "nothing can keep me and Justin apart" and they broke up less than three months later.
Nothing except, you know, that one thing that did.
In fact, let's back track to an entry I missed because it is (inexplicably) hiding under a cut because it's very illuminating to precisely how fucked this girl is.

sometimes i'm so laid back that it's scary, other times i'm so anxious that it's pathetic. and day by day i see myself slipping into bitter adulthood, as if i have no control? as if adulthood is bitter by nature...it's by choice?

Optimism precedes experience-- cynicism follows, as they say.

it's really ironic that this was my last post. i saw myself slipping into bitter adulthood, and now i'm here. everything is still the same, i still procrastinate, i still haven't finished college, and i still can't make a decision to save my life. i've always lived in the past, or the future, never in the present. i feel like the girl i was in 2008 is gone.

Surprise! I slipped into a time warp and moved back to 2008 briefly. This entry is back up to 2011. Still being a dumb slut three years later, I see. Glad to be here.

justin and i are broken up, but still see each other almost everyday, and the entries regarding him, the on and off, the trust and mistrust, that was our whole relationship. i guess it consumed me, and slowly over time, i became who i am now. i hate to say that it defined me, but it has. i have lost touch with that girl who i just read journal entries by. today i will reunite with her. and today i will begin to live in the present.

I like how she says she's so experience and cynical now but can't help but blame her problems on someone else.
The adult thing to do, if I may say so.
I just noticed how big these blocks of fucking text I'm copying are. I've commented on this before but it's really hard to break these thoughts down into smaller bits and still have it contain enough meaning.
If blogs were food my blog would be a delicious pizza and her blog would be some watery ejaculate between two pieces of cardboard.
Don't ask me to explain that simile, either. I didn't understand it as I was writing it.

i read him a few of the old entries about him just now, and he got sad and hung up. then he texted me this: i understand completely that you don't want me anymore but i would do anything to have that you back. and i said I WOULD DO ANNNYYYTHING to have that me back. he said, i think she's there you're just pushing her away. and of course i said, YOU pushed her away, don't ever say that to me....

IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE CAN'T GRADUATE COLLEGE, JUSTIN.
Not that she's an unfocused tramp with no self-discipline, no. You, Justin, you harsh slave driver turned her into this BROKEN SHELL OF A WOMAN.

he did push me away. he pushed me into this bitter adulthood, and i let him. reading those old entries makes me wish i'd listened to myself. don't get me wrong i've now learned a love that is deep and raw, and hurtful, and beyond words unbarable, but so necessary to my daily life, like breathing, truly.

Gag.
Let's talk about Warhammer instead.
How about those new Necrons, eh?
I'm not a huge fan, actually. I know they were always space robot skeletons but I feel injecting an Egyptian look is a bit too literal and kind of silly.

but it's just too bad that the same things i'd been saying in the beginning, that we shouldn't be together, and that we should get out now. that was the truth in a way. because our relationship was always strained, and never progressed past that point of feeling like despite how crazy in love we were with eachother that we shouldn't have been together.

I like the new Dark Eldar, though. I'm sure I commented on them before because they're not that new anymore but Dark Eldar were my first Warhammer purchase way back in the misty days of 3rd edition.
God those were some ugly models and not just because I couldn't paint.

not for a lack of love, definitely not, but the timing was wrong. i literally let the last three years change me to my core. i don't write anymore, not like i used to. i don't hope anymore, i don't dream like i used to. i don't trust like i used to. i don't admire like i used to. i don't know myself like i used to. and i care entirely too much about what people think about me now. and it's people that i, three years ago, wouldn't have given a fuck less about. people who can't even have a serious conversation,

Wow, complaining that someone can't have a serious conversation.
That's pretty funny coming from mrs. "I just want to get drunk lol".
Also you wish you could go back to those days? Christ, honey, you've grown up. It's time to get over the childish things and become a bitter adult.
You know, exactly like what's happening to you. Get over it already.
Ohhh sorry I wandered off for about 5 hours.
Anyway I think I'm going to go.

OH WOW IT'S FUCKING NOTHING

Prepare.
Oh yeah, gotta be 18+ to read this shit.
List of things you can do at the age of 18:

• enlist in the armed forces
• operate heavy machinery
• Vote in general elections
• purchase cigarettes
• buy pornography
• read the meandering whining of some dumb cunt

Now fans of Sesame Street may remember a little game called "which of these things is not like the other".
I don't think I need to develop that joke further.
Incidentally I've posted more indecent content than this bint. At least my language is colorful enough to elicit a general warning. This blog is FUCKING NOTHING.

What's the last thing you bought?

Today's writer's block. She helpfully posted no answer.
I'm not even being sarcastic. That is genuinely good news.
My last purchase was Skyrim.
Here's a post entitled "A Gift People Overlooked".
Now I didn't read any of this post because, errr, I don't give a shit but I did read the last line:

Miss you Michael, Love you more xxx

Now call me naive but I just assumed there was someone important in her life named Michael whose silvery thread was cut too soon by the cruel mistresses of fate but had I bothered to read the first line (which I'm doing now, obviously):

Nobody knew on one fine day
The day of Michael Jackson's birth
It wasn't any normal day
A piece of Stardust fell to earth.

What, are you joking?

From just a child, he tried so hard
And worked to give his all
The people who watched him as he grew
Did know he could enthrall.

AN OVERLOOKED TALENT.
WEDGED COMFORTABLY BETWEEN MADONNA AND ELVIS IN TERMS OF RECORD SALES.
AN OVERLOOKED TALENT.

And still he shone, still he gleamed
A light from Heaven above
He tried to make this a better place
And tried to spread his love.

Oh he spread his love, all right.
Jesus Christ. You'd expect this post was made, what, the day he died or some shit?
No, it was posted November 23.
The November 23 that happened two days ago, that is.
Which might be the anniversary of his death, come to think of it.
Ah, didn't think of that one. Let's see.
Nope he died June 25, 2009.
Heh, crazies.
Incredibly this bitch constantly posts writer's blocks but never actually bothers to answer them. That's how I should post content from now on. HERE'S A BLOG.
NO FURTHER COMMENT.
Oh but here's one she commented on:

What do you want done with your body after you die?

No opinion on this other shit but how you want to die is carefully mapped out. All right, Crypt Keeper.

I want to be cremated. The cemeteries are getting over crowded, I don't fancy the idea of rotting very much and I like being warm lmaooo. My ashes..? Haven't really thought about that yet. God forbid if I outlive my kids my ashes would be next to them, otherwise probably with my hub when he goes.

Not sure what music I want played; I change my mind about that constantly. It'll either be something by MJ or Enigma, possibly something from both. "Speechless" by MJ, "The Screen Behind The Mirror" by Enigma.

When I die I am to be cremated. My funeral service will have a slow tolling on an iron bell.
Then they will play Hells Bells by AC/DC.
Then Choir of Destruction off the Dawn of War II Soundtrack. NO FAGGOTY EULOGIES, NO GAY JESUS CRAP.
If my loved ones are feeling especially religious I will accept a passage from The Odyssey.

...and it hurts so bad that I don't think I'll ever heal.
I can't write, I can't listen to your music, I can't watch you.

I wish we could see you dance once more.
Hear you sing once more.
See you smile once more.

I'm so lost now you're gone.

I love you so much more. Forever. No matter how much it hurts.

Another fucking post about Michael Jackson, Jesus.
Beat It was a great song don't get me wrong but let's not go fucking nuts, okay.
Oh God Michael Jackson fanfiction.
This is really happening.
Part 14.
This exists. I'm looking at it. I can't believe it's real but I'm looking at it. Have you ever seen something so unholy in your entire life?

Michael wandered across the grass, his hands buried in the pockets of his black pants. The sun was still out, although it was slowly starting to set; the warmth of the day still lingering in the air. The warm breeze tickled the leaves on the trees, the faint rustling noise pleasing to his ears. He casually strolled over towards a figure sitting on the grass.

Oh God why.
This is great writing, incidentally. Let me paint you a dewy picture of bygone ages with honeyed words.

Alisha sat cross-legged, her back to him. She had her left elbow leaning on her knee, her chin resting on that hand.

“Hey, girl,” he said, stopping behind her. “You ok?”
She smiled at him over her shoulder. “Yeah, you?”

Mmm, that is some great dialogue. Good at setting a scene and mood, good at dialogue.
It's like I'm staring into the face of Dante's work but surely, surely he has been dead for centuries!

Pulling his hands out of his pockets, he lowered himself to sit beside her, his shoulder leaning gently against hers. He nodded. “Yeah…I feel quite good.”

GOT ANY CHILDRENS?
Ah, good job, me. I resisted a direct reference to pedophilia for at least half the post.
You may recall earlier I made a double entendre about spreading love around but I didn't specifically say all over a little boy's face so I think I'm in the clear.
I will, however, make that joke now because it's too late to unring that bell.
Well I guess I could delete this paragraph and pretend it never happened but that would be pretty dishonest.

She sighed softly, typing rapidly with her right hand. “I hope this weather lasts for a few days yet; forecaster says it’s gonna rain soon.”
“The sky’s turning pink over there,” he told her, pointing to his right. “It’ll be a good day tomorrow.”

Prophet Michael.
Oddly this does sound like dialogue from that insipid movie he produced. You remember, the one where Michael Jackson chases a bunch of children around a meadow and then turns into a claymation rabbit and a car and a robot?
God he was on some great drugs.
I am truly envious that someone can get high enough to envisage a movie where Michael Jackson (the man, not him playing a character) chases unattended children around a meadow, then morphs into animals and machines and not only does no one tell him it's a bad idea he gets it straight into theaters.

and I know every member of the massive Michael Jackson Family that spreads across the globe is united in grief right now, no matter how far apart we are or what our differences and disagreements are. But in my wee corner of the world, I feel like nobody cares, nobody understands.

Post made: September 29.
As in a little less than two months ago. That September 29th.

Nobody realises the magic that Michael had.

Nobody appreciates the genius that created the music, the dance, the rhythm.

Nobody misses him anymore.

Nobody plays his music anymore, or talks about him.

I'm listening to Billie Jean as we speak, actually.
Oh, no it just ended and now it's Cocaine by Eric Clapton.
Man I have great taste in music.

Nobody cries for him.

Nobody's heart is breaking in the silence that is left behind.

Fucker had more money than some countries and got to get so high he made Moonwalker. I don't think anyone can mourn a life as glorious as that.

Does anybody even realise anymore that when Michael died, God turned off the stars in the sky?

All right, calm down.
Pretty sure the death of Beowulf in Beowulf wasn't this dramatic and that fucker was laid to rest on a burning Viking warship.

That he dimmed the sun down a little, and took the moon's beauty away? That the colours around us faded and lost their brightness..?
It doesn't feel like it.

There are tragic tales of star-crossed lovers that moved the gods themselves to tears that weren't this overdramatic.
I have literally read stories that end with Zeus shedding a single tear that weren't this overblown.

If You Can Hear Me Somewhere...

Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, come on-- now, now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
Relax, relax--
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII HAVE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB

...I hope you are happy.

I miss you so much...today's been particularly hard. My heart is breaking without you.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIII-III have become comfortably numb
Okay, okay
Just a little pinprick
There'll be no more AAAAAAAARGH
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working.
Good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on, it's time to go

I'm sorry, what's happening again?
Man this song has such a great guitar solo at the end. Michael Jackson never had a guitar solo like this.
I bet they didn't even bother to write this shit down. "Just play something cool at the end" and there you have it.
So I've noticed references to FFXIV have been dwindling in my posts but worry not, gentle viewers. I bring you this:

And this:
level 50 conjurer and level 50 marauder, oh yes.
Up next: gladiator.
Man this blog is all fanfiction from here on out.
Fanfiction about Michael Jackson. THREE SWEEPING 30 PART EPICS.
I'm not even joking.

What, Why

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

To fall into heresy is a worse defeat than any the battlefield offers

Ready for a lesson in boredom?
I sure am.

Who is the best musician or band of all time?

Today's writer's block.

This is an impossible question to answer and depends entirely on your taste in music.

Next.

No kidding, dipshit?
I thought an opinion was an objective reality.
You know, because the eighteen million other writer's blocks you answered were totally factual and not just asking your opinion.

It was good to see discussions going on, and generally a positive attitude from the many members of the public passing through the square. Some of the Occupy people were handing out leaflets and chatting to people, and I engaged one of them in conversation. He was an interesting, friendly and altogether very sensible guy, and I hope the whole thing raises people's awareness of how much we're being screwed over by the very wealthy and very powerful.

This is in reference to the whole Occupy Wall Street thing.
Only this is Occupy Edinburgh because it's in Scotland.
Anyway I'd be very curious to see if you gave these people millions of dollars they didn't earn if they'd be so keen on redistributing their own wealth a bit, because after all, it isn't fair that 1% controls 90% of all the wealth in the world.
Unless you're one of the 1%, I'd wager, and then suddenly that's just the way it is.
Everyone in the world is hypocritical. The only reason these people are protesting is because they aren't one of the 1%. I bet less than 1% of the total protestors give a shit about social change. They are just mad jelly they're not rich.

They've been here for a month, and I say fair play to them. I left feeling encouraged that people are making an effort and doing something very worthwhile to highlight the horrors of the political and financial worlds at the moment.

>Making an effort
>sitting around doing nothing
When will people learn that "raising awareness" is akin to doing fuck all?

What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Oh. This was a writer's block question, apparently.
Well given that you hate 1% controlling 90% of the wealth so much your first goal should be to give away 900,000 dollars of it to the poor.
Somehow I bet your answer won't quite read that way.

Hmm...well, it's not as much as it was a few years ago, so it's not necessarily life-transforming. But it's enough to make life extremely comfortable indeed. I'd buy a house and furnish it with nice high-quality stuff, and a huge model railway. :) I'd have a library full of great books.

Oh please, do go on.
It all sounds perfectly rational to me.
I'm sure he could weasel his way out of this by saying "a million dollars isn't really a lot of money" but most people one earth don't have access to a million dollars at once so I think we're arguing semantics and you are a hypocritical piece of shit.
Unlike my own radiant philosophy which has no qualms with the wealthy or the current setup.

I'd give up work for a while to travel and study. I'd use some time to write The Novel That Burns In My Soul.

I don't understand people who compare creativity to burning.
Oh right, those are the people who continually make excuses for why they can't create and who invariably have nothing to really offer. I mean if you had a book in you that was so good it was literally BURNING YOUR SOUL (a process so violent in Warhammer it leaves people dead or blind) you'd think you'd spend a little more time right now doing it instead of waiting until you hit the lottery.

I'd give money to some of my favourite causes - Greenbelt, my very strapped-for-cash church, and some international development and human rights charities.

I'd help out people I know who are struggling with money.

Uh-huh, but number one comes first, right motherfucker?
That's just how the 1% feel, you know.
You're not so different, actually. If you could avoid economics I think you'd find a lot to agree about with the wealthy.

More politics for you today, because it's vitally important that we do something before it's too late.

I'm prepared to fix all of your problems but you must give me absolute authority to fix your problems.

Southampton Council (among others) looks to privatise EVERYTHING as response to cuts

This should scare you a great deal. Think of what your council does. Let's try these things for starters...

Well I'm in America where most shit is already privatized.
Where is the US on the Human Development Index?
Oh wow, all the way at #4.
Where is the UK?
Oh dang, all the way down at #28.
No I'm being purposefully misleading. The difference between #4and #28 is less than 5%.

• Schools
• Parks and playing fields
• Providing child protection services
• Caring for vulnerable adults
• Refuse collection
• Trading standards
• Social work, supporting a wide range of people with a huge array of problems and difficulties
• Providing libraries
• Maintaining street lighting and roads
• Subsidising unprofitable bus services, which are often socially necessary

I'm going to go ahead and put a boldface on everything the government should actually be responsible for.
There, see? I'm already starting to solve our economic woes.

Think about the sheer horror of all these things being in the hands of profit-making companies. How quickly will they shy away from assisting children from problem families who need expensive interventions?

I already solved that problem in another post. So-called "problem families" will have their children taken from them to be raised in a monastery setting to become future soldiers and future police.
You see, this is the problem with you people. You fuck everything up so bad and your solution is to make a blog post and sit in a tent in front of a bank. My solution is simple, it's elegant and most importantly it will actually solve the fucking problem but noooooo it's ethics this, human rights that.
It's like I can't win with you people. Why even bother?

What money will they be able to make out of running libraries? How can they increase the value of shares by educating your kids?

I'm finding libraries increasingly redundant with the digital age so I'm sure some simple reforms and strict enforcement through the schools will see libraries unnecessary when we can digitally distribute reading material.
My future government, far from fearing an educated elite like so many totalitarian regimes would welcome anything that can bring us towards the future.

I hate the way this government snuck into power with no mandate, on a mission to rip this country's social fabric apart.

And yet you want to rip the social fabric apart by taking money from the rich.
Which is it?
My government, on the other hand, makes no pretenses. The change will be sweeping from top to bottom.
Tremble in awe.

I hate the way we all sit back and do nothing. Because Cameron has got us all trembling with fear, exactly where he wants us.

Sounds like Cameron has 50% of the winning formula down.
As is clearly shown here, eventually fear by itself turns to hate.
But if you're a likeable tyrant then no one will say shit.
Endless posts about pictures and more about petty politics--
even I find myself with not enough time to bother with this nonsense.
OH MY GOD NOW IT'S ENDLESS TWATTER POSTS.
I've seen blogs with 0 content in my day but I've never seen such a brazen lack of care in trying to hide it.

What’s your biggest pet peeve?

Man I miss all the good writer's blocks.
Anyway it would be blogs.
Blogs flash boil my piss.

One of the biggest things I can't stand is people who spout loads of corporate jargon - they strike me as being very robot-like, devoid of personality and the sort of people who wouldn't know what fun was if it came and slapped them in the face. There was someone in my old job who spoke a lot, but all of it was corporate jargon, and this made her one of the most terrifying people I've ever come across in my life.

Another great change of my wondrous government: I'm bringing Latin terminology back.
If we're going to have a culture worth its name we're going to have to start thinking like the most cultured civilization ever, and the easiest way I know to do that is through language.

People who constantly make a big deal about how busy they are. I've come across plenty of these as well. Yeah, we're all busy, but there's no need to continually harp on about it.

People seem to confuse being busy with doing other things they'd rather be doing.
I had a guy in my linkshell tell me he was too busy to do something in game.
What was he so busy doing?
Playing Skyrim.
Yeah, you're busy all right, motherfucker.

What’s the best way to mend a broken heart?

The same thing that fixes all maladies of the spirit: an indomitable will.
That's a good line. I'm going to have to remember that--

It just takes time. Give it a while and it will usually fix itself.

Yeah, see? This is the problem with people.
JUST SIT BACK AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.
You might as well tell the fucker to pray because at the end of the day you end up with exactly the same result.

If you could become a member of the opposite sex for just one day, what would you do?

Probably sit in my room and play the juego.
So, the same as every other day.
I, unlike most of you mutants, don't have continual escapist fantasies about being the opposite sex.

Just enjoy the novelty of it, I think. :) I've often been really curious about what it would be like to be a woman...try on lots of clothes? Interact with people? Look in the mirror quite a lot?

So that's what a woman is to you. A dummy to try on clothes, chat with people on Facetube and be narcissistic.
Actually come to think of it that's a fairly accurate assessment of all humanity.

Church this morning was very thought-provoking, and just the sort of thing to get my brain going and mull over.

That's why the monastery setting is important. Combining church and government makes for some powerful influence.

The minister talked about the rioting and the aftermath of it, and some of the horrors we've seen in the reaction to it. A man steals bottled water worth £3.50, and gets jailed for six months. MPs make a fortune at tax-payers' expense, and most of them get away with it scot-free. A mother gets jailed for five months for handling a stolen pair of shorts, and none of the bankers, who trashed the economy and cost us billions, have faced jail.

Wow sounds like a lot of heresy to weed out.
Why would you steal a water bottle when there are water fountains?
Is stupidity a crime? If so I'm guessing that's why you got jail instead of just stealing a water bottle.

He went on to say that we've created a marginalised, individualistic and highly competitive society with few opportunities for those at the bottom of the pile, and we ignore a lot of the blindingly obvious needs around us. The challenge is - what sort of society do we want to build, and how do we get there?

I KEEP TELLING YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS.
I ALREADY SOLVED ALL YOUR WOES.

I know I'm a bit too fond of the post-apocalyptic, but I've never felt that society has been this close to collapsing.

See, even simple complaints like this I've addressed. When my regime is done you'll be rightfully apocalyptic.

Whilst you should never blame a lack of tools for not getting on with something, my acquisition of a Psion Revo has done wonders for the Novel That Burns In My Soul - for lo, I have actually written something! And some of it is actually quite good!

Here's me believing you.

Having a fully-featured word processor with a small but usable keyboard that runs for 12+ hours on a charge, but is small enough to fit in a pocket, is amazing. PDAs seem to have gone backwards these days - my phone is amazing but it's no good at all for a writing task.

Oh you want something small that fits in your pocket, has an endless charge and is specifically designed for the task of writing?
How about a pencil and a tablet, asshole?
Dante had to make his own paper from some shirts he found and ink out of rain water and soot from a torch and he only had two hours of writing while the light was right in his cell and he produced the Inferno.
What's your excuse, again?
You don't have the right kind of word processor?
That's deeply unconvincing given what real authors have produced and the tools they had available to them.

I've actually done some work recently on The Novel That Burns In My Soul, and I think it might actually be quite good. I've done quite a lot of plotting and I'm gradually getting it all written and typed up.

Is that seriously the name of it? If so, I recommend something less douchey.
You might want to just give up on it all together because I'm sure it's complete shit.
Most of the best books have had one or two word names. Maybe something like that?

We need jobs. We need hope. We need decent, affordable housing. We need justice. We need pride.

You get what you earn, I say.
Ohhhh man this is really boring.
I mean really boring.
I'm going.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

My text editor looks different WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE DIFFERENT?
Anyway, welcome... TO OBLIVION.

Which U.S. President has made the most positive impact?

FDR.
If you don't say FDR you are provably wrong.

Interesting that quite a few people find the mere asking of this question "US-centric", are "annoyed", or think even asking the question is "ignorant"

I'm interested in hearing what people from other countries or cultures think on a variety of subjects, including this one. Had the question been about British Prime Ministers, I wouldn't have immediately gotten up in arms and thought it "Anglo-centric" or biased or ignorant. I would have either stated my opinion, or ignored it, and gone on about my day.

I'm also cheered to see so few "JFK" responses to this.

Other people are annoying. Look, if the US-centric questions on the US website upset you stop going to it. Or stop looking at it. Or, go found a British Livejournal that only asks UK questions.

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

I always find it ironic that Americans want to celebrate Guy Fawkes day, a day that:
1. has nothing to do with them
and:
2. celebrates the endurance of monarchism and the defeat of a man who would have found a lot in common with the founding fathers.
But I guess V FOR VENDETTA MADE IT TRENDY TO TALK ABOUT LOL God I hate people so much.

As I explained to a coworker today; YES, I have a Facebook page, but the entire raison d'etre of my Facebook page as it relates to co-workers is to tell them that I shan't be adding them as friends to my Facebook page.

Did you just use a pretentious French term for a simple English term (reason) and the term "shan't" in one sentence?
Aaaaaand the only reason for this page is to purposefully exclude people?
Oh my God, dude.
People have asked me how I can be such a bitter enemy of my fellow man.
I ask them instead how can you not be filled with revulsion at them?

I then likened my page to that room in British gentlemens' clubs wherein members must be silent at all times.

I'm likening my right hook to the bane of witches right now and you're about to be judged.

From now on, I'm referring to supervisors/bosses as "harangue-utans".


Say it with me "HARANGUE-utans"

That is all

HAAAA-- all right, look, buddy. We were joking around before but you're seriously starting to try my patience.

Yes folks, you heard right, I've been spewing drivel from this here soap box for TEN YEARS! In that time I've had literally ("literally" in this case does not means "literally") DOZENS (meaning "one or two" not "twelve", fuck convention) of fascinating and original posts

Did you just use the term "fascinating" to describe your blog?
You know in the Roman Empire the most extreme punishment a man could face was called Damnatio Memoriae, where not only would they kill you they'd also destroy anything that indicated you ever existed.
I'm not sure that's a sufficient punishment for your douchebaggery.
You have made a fate called "damnation of memory" seem like a light sentence compared to your douchebaggery.

Soooooo...I was wondering; how does a character in "Moby Dick" (the new Encore version) quote the poem "Invictus"?

Not how a semicolon works you pretentious fucker.
Are you fucking serious?
After all this posturing and feigning at being smart about cultural matters you seriously fucked a semicolon up that bad?
Here's a question for you to ponder, cocksucker: can a semicolon replace a comma?
No.
Is "so I was wondering" a full thought?
If you said yes you're a jackass.
Why is that you may ask?
Because even though it has all of the parts of speech required to make a sentence, repeat with me now fucker:
a sentence must have a subject, a verb and it must express a complete thought.
Is that a complete thought?
"So I was wondering."
WHAT WERE YOU WONDERING?
SOOOOOO IIIIIS A COOOONJUNCTION YOU PIECE OF SHIT. IT IMPLIES A CONNECTION (CONJUNCTION-- CONJOIN, GET IT?) TO SHIT THAT ISN'T THERE.
If you cut me in the leg you would be hit in the face with boiling blood.
Time travel is the obvious answer as the book takes place 25 or so years before the poem was written.
So smart about literary matters but DOESN'T KNOW HOW A SEMICOLON WORKS FUUUCK YOUUU.
Which movie or book character are you most like, and why?
I've always felt a deep kinship with:
Reclusiarch Grimaldus.

Humbert Humbert

Oh it's the guy from Lolita.
Get it? I guess he's a pedophile.
No I like mine better.

What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

Yojimbo.
If your favorite foreign movie isn't Yojimbo you either haven't seen it or are objectively wrong.
And yes, we've been over this. Yojimbo was so great it required two remakes. One starred Clint Eastwood and the other starred Bruce Willis.

1) "The Grand Illusion" by Jean Renoir
2) GOD no

Yojimbo is such a timeless classic you can safely remake it in any culture in any time period and it works.
Of course neither remake were as good as the original but they were both watchable.
Fistful of Dollars definitely pales into insignificance compared to the other two entries in the trilogy.
Everyone talks about The Good, the Bad and the Ugly as the best entry in the trilogy but really For a Few Dollars More is by far the greatest movie ever made, let alone the best of the trilogy.

If I gave you all ten quesses, I'll bet you'd NEVER guess what kind of sandwich I had today.

Give up?

If there's any justice in the world it's a knuckle sandwich.

Sauteed venison pastrami and jarlsberg, with a home-made curry guacamole on a warm baguette

It were exceedingly delicious, especially paired with a bowl of shrimp bisque, and a glass of Louis Jadot Beaujolais-Villages.


YUM

What would Grimaldus do?
"I have dug my grave in this place and I will either triumph or I will die."
No that's not quite what I'm looking for--
"We are judged in life by the evil we destroy."
That's close enough, sure.

If God exists, He wants us to have faith in Him. The "Rapture" would be concrete proof of His existence. Concrete proof negates faith.
Therefore, if the IS a God, there cannot ever be a "Rapture", and if there is NOT a God, there cannot ever be a "Rapture".
The "Rapture" cannot happen.
Q.E.D.

That's not really how that works--
all right, whatever.
Not worth arguing about, honestly.

Whilst reading the local newspaper I came across a curious fact; If a man is paying child support, and consequently through a DNA test is proven to not be the father of the child in question, a judge can order him to continue paying child support if it is "in the best interest of the child".

Here's a curious fact for you: subordinating clauses not linked through a conjunction need a colon and not a semicolon.

Surely this can't be right. A personal can be held financially responsible for a child that is not theirs? How is this legal? How is this JUSTICE?

Oh you really don't want to talk about justice, friend.

I can hear people winding up the "think of the child" argument, but that doesn't cut it.
Theoretically, a woman can pick the wealthiest person in any given community and slap him with a paternity suit and even IF it's disproven scientifically, since that person is wealthy, a judge could order him to pay support for the child since it would be "in the best interest of the child".

That seems like a bit of a stretch.
I'll admit I'm no expert on law but I doubt very much that could happen.

You realize the man is question can then be jailed, or have other sanctions used against him if he refuses to pay? Jailed for something he did not do? How is THAT ever just?

And yet you walk free despite being guilty in extremis of douchebaggery.
Count your blessings.

Pardon my ignorance, but is not "one-fifth" preferable to "five times fewer", as in "one-fifth the calories" rather than "five times fewer calories"?? Those ARE analagous terms, are they not?

...
Well without breaking out the calculator let's logic this one through.
1/5th is the same as 20%.
five times fewer is the same as dividing by 5, which is 20%.
So yes. They are the same.
Other things you apparently don't know:
www.google.com
www.wikipedia.org
www.mathhelp.com
Asking a friend.

You know, I've never found Ms Perry attractive.

Me neither.
But I am honor bound to disagree with you on every point, so she's the hottest chick in the history of the world.

This bothers me a tiny bit as most guys I know are foaming at the mouth about her. It finally occured to me what it is about her I don't like; she has nice parts, but somehow, taken as a whole, she doesn't gel.

What, is she a Frankenstein monster? All of her parts clearly belong on her because they're on her.

She's like a woman designed by committee; all the constituent parts are what's supposed to be "sexy" but somehow the whole effect lacks harmony.

Hold on it's taking me more time than expected to take this crusade.
Hit me with the next line and I should have something.

Plus, in interviews and appearances, she comes across as not-terribly-bright.

I dunno she seems about as bright as any other pop star.
Not that it matters anyway. You don't listen to pop music for the deep intellectual discussions it creates.

You know what bugs me? When you order a pizza that's let's say, $12.00, and when the delivery guy gets there, you hand him a $20 and he asks "You need some change back?" That's just rude, and not only rude, who tips $8 on a $12 order?

I always pay in scorpions.

As will suprise no-one, I've dubbed my Nook "The Nookronomicon"

You know what I call my Nook?
My eReader.
Twat.

My mom is in ICU with a gastric infection. It doesn't look good.

Oh what, did she read your blog?
Fuck you I can be that callous. This guy has put me through a lot both emotionally and morally.

What has been the most surprising cultural event of 2010?

Wow I'm getting far back.
I'll tell you the most surprising cultural event of 2011:
WHY IS SKYRIM SO GOOD?
This fucking game, man. It went from early contender to game of the year when I first heard about it to "holy shit that looks so bad" back to game of the year contender.

That there IS no culture in 2010; just wretched excess and pretense

Don't talk about pretense. Were I to start a crusade against pretense you'd rank high on my list of things to go.
But don't worry I'm sure it's just because you're fresh in my mind. Give it some time and you will slip back into obscurity, worm.

So, someone on my flist posted something that I found rather offensive, wherein she made a sweeping negative gender-based statement about men.

You're a man.
You are begging for annihilation.
THEREFORE-- I dunno, I'm feeling her on this one. I'm starting to hate my own gender based solely on you.

I gently chided her for doing so by posting a clearly marked (subject heading was "a gentle parody, if I may be allowed") parody of what she'd written which was a sweeping negative gender-based statement about women to show how just plain wrong and hurtful such statements are.

Call her a cunt to her face and tell her to return to cleaning.
Don't even dress it up like a parody. Leave it to her imagination to determine whether or not you're serious.

Her reaction? NOT - as I might have assumed from her earlier posts - a thoughtful, reasoned, intelligent discussion of the issue, but instant un-friending.

Listen, buddy. The woman is clearly a saint for even entertaining the notion of being your friend.
I've known you for all of an hour and already I'm sure I don't want to live on the same planet as you.

Frankly, I have had all I am going to take from women saying stupid fucking things about how dumb or obnoxious or insensitive or just plain useless men are and I WILL call them on it, just as I would if they were making a racist or xenophobic comment. To make my self VERY clear, I would ALSO call out a man who was making sexist staements.

Who are you, the arbiter of all sexism?
You are in a poor position to be talking about obnoxious men, I might add.

"We've had to put up with it for years" IS NOT AN EXCUSE, in many ways, it make the offense worse.

-EDIT- Apparently, if a man has the temerity to have a disagreement with a woman, that, in itself, is enough to prove that he is sexist.

What's your title?
Chief arbiter of douchebaggery?
Disagreeing with the saint of patience?
I think not.

What is your ultimate dream job? Do you think you'll ever live the dream?

Space Marine--
No, unfortunately, I was born too soon.

"DREAM JOB" what an utterly middle-class question. Anyone with ANY taste at all would wish to be a gentleman (or lady) of leisure

My leisure is lighting witches on fire.
Don't judge me you cockeyed sack of shit.

What cheers you up the most when life gets you down?

Reading my own blog. It is delightful. Pretentious French.

To crush my enemies, drive them before me, and hear the lamentations of their women, natch.

I think our cards got mixed up.
Oh right, here we go:
IT IS NOT ENOUGH THAT THEY SUFFER AND DIE-- THEY MUST BEND THEIR KNEE AND ACCEPT MY ETERNAL DOMINION OVER THEIR MISERABLE LIVES.
Whew, sorry forgot where I was for a second.
What say you, Internets Friends, about the film "Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors" by Sergei Paradjanov? I just ran across the DVD and it looks interesting.

Yea or nay?
Nay and kill yourself.
Anyway I'm going to go do something more productive with my time.

I hope you're ready.
I knew today would be easy pickings because of the writer's block:
Who pays on a first date?
It didn't take me long to find this answer:

Your mom.

Channeling the spirit of Victorgraywolf, I see.
And just to round out our douchebag answers:
that's really presumptuous of you to assume everyone goes on dates. Better wording would be "do you go on dates? If so, who do you think should pay?"
Remember user "givegodtheglory"?
I wish I didn't.
Anyway this bitch has a lot of the yackity yack so let's dig right in.

Hey there- if you've somehow stumbled across this page, you may not know a whole lot about me (you know, besides what's on my userinfo). Here's a quick catch-up:

I'm an adopted only child (well, if that sentence didn't scare you away, read on).

Your intro post is an essay.
Remember in school when you'd have to write a three paragraph essay?
This is a seven paragraph essay for your first post. Wanna cool it a little?

I grew up in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, with my excellent parents, one cat, and one dog. I was/am a bookwormy nerdish type. I became a Christian when I was in junior high. I didn't really get it until college, and am still learning more and more about God, and dealing with being a Christian in a very different environment than what I started out in :) I met the man I eventually married when I was a senior in highschool. I was a townie, but I went to college at the University of Illinois. I worked at Philmont, a national Boy Scout camp in the summers, teaching highschool-age boys how to backpack. It was one of the best things I've ever done. I majored in journalism. Carl and I got married on June 14, 2003 between my junior and senior years of college. Around this time, there was a lot of drama, with my friends, with my church, with my college parachurch ministry... it was just a tough time. But it made our marriage stronger, I think.

I mean are you fucking kidding me? I officially know more about you than I do some of my friends.

In May/June 2007, we found out we were pregnant. And then we found out it was twins. And, around seven weeks, we found out that we were going to miscarry, which we did exactly two weeks later.

Are you royalty?
Any time anyone says "we're pregnant" I want to hit them.
Yeah I just said I wanted to hit a pregnant woman, what's it to you?

We had another miscarriage in April 2008, but found out after the fact- the second one was a lot easier. We're now pregnant for the third time, and have gotten a lot farther with this pregnancy, praise God.

And praise God for the two miscarriages too, because it must have been by his divine will that those happened as well.

We're due June 11, 2009, and I'm enjoying the snot out of pregnancy itself, though I'm still working through some of the fear and grief that came with the dashed hopes of the previous pregnancy.

I've met quite a few pregnant woman in my time and the phrase "enjoying the snot out of pregnancy" wasn't what they had to say about it.
Maybe just all the pregnant women I've ever met have had difficult pregnancies.

ETA: We gave birth to Catelyn Jean on June 7th, 2009. She's been an amazingly good and easy baby, and we're very blessed to be her parents. :)

Catelyn.
No, bad, do it again.
Also kinda funny that an adopted child, when finding out she'd have a lot of trouble getting pregnant would opt to struggle through miscarriages instead of paying it forward.
The charity and grace of Christ, eh?

ETA: We recently found out we're pregnant with our second! Another girl :D We're both shocked and excited, and a little overwhelmed by all the changes. We also bought a house, in the Ravenna/Wedgwood neighborhood up here, and did a ton of remodeling, all while juggling the pregnancy, a 9-month-old, two full-time jobs, and a caregiver transition. Whew, am I ever glad that's over with! :)

"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."
Sorry I'm just reading this Bible thing. Shouldn't you be at home, caring for your spawn?
As the Bible dictates, clearly, in 1 Timothy 3:14?

ETA: Julia Melodie joined our family on August 26, 2010. She's got the most beautiful big blue eyes, and we've taken to calling her "Bug." :)

Ready for the shocking news? This is still the first post.

My church's adoption and foster care ministry had a meeting tonight- I was one of three panelists, and totally broke down in tears talking about how my kids won't grow up wondering if their bio-mom is that lady in the grocery store O_o Which was not at all where I intended to go with my talk, but I guess that's where I'm at.

Yeah, praise be.
I guess.
What's wrong with the lady in the grocery store?
I guess it's more about not knowing who your biological mother is but if you have someone who cares enough about you to raise you, especially if they're not your own spawn then you should consider yourself fortunate enough and not dig too much into something you probably don't want to know anyway.

There are so many awesome families in my church, and I love that they are trying so hard to understand their kids and be good parents- I always leave happy (even if I do cry!). But it is really interesting for me to parent biological children as a person who never knew her biological family! I feel like if/when we adopt, I will understand that kid so much better than my own in some ways.

They're kids. It's not like they have a lot going on to figure out. What, is your one daughter keeping a heroin habit secret from you or something? Of course not, she's four.

Cue 10:30, just as we're getting ready for church, Catelyn swings a shoe around and smacks Julia in the face? body? somewhere with it. Julia begins shrieking, Carl speaks sharply to Catelyn, Catelyn begins crying... and I'm in the middle of trying to put on pants!

HA, FAMILY LIFE, AM I RIGHT GUYS?
Write that one into the Family Circus! That is just the bees knees!

Everyone finally gets settled, at which point I manage to finally button my fly, and I set Julia down to do something or another. Julia walks around the corner, and Catelyn comes running around the other side, and CRASH, they collide.

Fuck church, we're staying home and watching Pokemon. I can't take this shit today.
Repeat every single Sunday.
Pokemon is a much better guide to life anyway. It teaches you friendship and--
stuff, I guess.
What does church teach you? How to hate gays and oppress women, from what I can tell.

So, we decided that Julia obviously needed a nap, and sent Carl and Catelyn off to church :( I'm sad I'm missing it, because I was pretty excited about going,

Excited about getting up early Sunday so you can sit in a room filled with stinking people to listen to some asshole preach about the driest literature known to man like it's a history book--
we have very different outlooks on life, I can tell.
I just want to know how you can name one child something as normal as Julia but fuck up so hard with Catelyn.

Sometimes I think life would be better if I didn't ever read anything on the Internet about kids :) Take, for instance, this morning- a mom on the local listserv sent out a question asking about whether two was too young to take a kid to the Nutcracker.

No.
Next question.
Man, I'd be the least helpful human ever at answering pressing questions like this.

Now, here I am, planning on taking *both* the kids to an afternoon matinee with my mom in December. Catelyn will be 2.5 but Julia's not even close to 2, of course.

It's a fucking ballet.
Well first I can't imagine bringing a child so stultifyingly boring but I don't think there will be any objectionable content.
My ultimate conclusion is stay home for the sake of your children, yourself and the people you'd be sitting around, however.

But I'd already controlled for having them in an area that's easy to get in and out of, and taking them at a time of day that's both kid-friendly and at a time when they'll both be in pretty good spirits and have decently long attention spans.

When you have to lay a contingency plan like that I'd recommend finding a more kid friendly activity.

But now I've got the moms on this listserv all raining on my parade, talking about how they'd never take a child younger than 4, and how really this other mom should go to the one-hour ballet up north, and how their children turned into hellions during the second act...

These are the same twats I see ignoring their spawn in the grocery store so you can safely disregard them. They treat their children like tumors that somehow detached and became sentient.

I think we need a designated 1-2 "do nothing" weekends a month.

"Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days shall you labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of the Lord thy God on which you shall do no work."
This Biblical law shit, am I right?
It's almost like you don't listen to the Bible at all.
You know, the book that's central to the religion you supposedly follow.
My religion has no holy text because my people deigned to pass their myths orally and so I can make shit up as I go along. My religion has a proud tradition of making shit up as we go along.

I ... was dumb and didn't realize until recently that there are significantly different *types* of yoga. I mean, I knew there was hot yoga and not-hot yoga, but I didn't realize that there's like... ayurvedic and ashtanga and flow and vinyasa and hatha and yomama.

It's almost like yoga is part of a larger cultural tradition.
But pig Americans, eh? No time to sit down and think about anything, gotta burp up a pizza every three minutes or you'll go crazy!

I was off my game at yoga tonight- not sure whether it was having had a week off last week when Carl was out of town, or whether it was because I gave blood yesterday, or because my back is still sore and I am...

I don't understand yoga.
Why would you bother with that nonsense when you can learn something manly, like Krav Maga or Muay Thai?
I mean you want to work out and be sexy or whatever you stupid cunts think why not be sexy and learn how to collapse a rib cage with one punch?

Julia is up late again tonight (Carl was home with her). I need to get them both back to the routine, though I know it's probably mostly because she's sick. I hope she gets over this soon.

This is the fourth post I've encountered where you are very emphatically not tending to your children. I'm not saying they have to be number one on your list (though they should, but let's take this in small steps) but they should at least be somewhere on your list.
Maybe above yoga one peg. Let's start there.

Oh! Good news, guys! I got a text from my boss, and he is not in Bangkok. I have no idea where he is, but I am super-relieved. Whew. Thanks for your prayers :)

You made it, man. Quit job, learn Muay Thai.
Become Sagat from Street Fighter, kick Ryu in the dick.
Get brown girls.
THE WORLD IS YOURS, MY BOY!

In other news, I need to pick out an '80s Halloween costume for my work party. My boss is coming as a punk rocker, so... what do I do?

Stay home and pay attention to your children.
You just said the one is sick with the croup. For the love of Christ, you can miss the Halloween work party.

P.S. I am totally worrying about my boss- he went to Bangkok, which is, flooding like crazy. They knew it was flooding when they went, but I kept telling him to stay in Tokyo instead of heading into a floodzone. I am anxious for him to respond to my e-mail. If you guys pray, pray for him and his partner to get home safely.

No. He's an adult, surely he can take care of himself.

If the church were taking care of the poor, we would have no need for welfare. And... because it is near and dear to me... I pointed out that there are probably still foster children awaiting adoption in that person's state- and until the last kid's adopted out of foster care, I really can't get too excited about where the government's spending its/our money. They got angry with me and said that I judged them and their church inappropriately- probably true, though they did not answer what their church was actually doing to help foster children, or to help end welfare in their state.

What are you doing to help foster children?
Or no, how about this: what are you doing to help your own children?
"So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
Man, this Jesus guy.

The girls? They apparently had a pretty rough afternoon- yesterday went wonderfully, but this afternoon, our awesome nanny was on the verge of calling to see if I could come home early. Julia is teething- canines. Canines are the worst. Poor baby. We've been dosing her up, but I was feeling pretty bad for having so much time away from her tonight when she's feeling so yucky.

Oh you feel bad, well that's okay--
but wait:

Yoga was ... tough tonight. I mixed up the time and got there overly early, and I think this is the first time I've gone to class really, actually dehydrated.

Felt bad about not taking care of your own child but, you know, not enough to skip yoga.
Not to quote the one true religion at you but Zeus himself said that introspection is the true path to happiness.

Plus, I must be having a bad body-image day or something- there was one pose they did, which was just simply putting an arm under your neck towards the opposite side with your forehead on the mat...

Introspection. Diligence. Honor. Fortitude.
Do your duty during the day and I guarantee "bad body image" will be far from your thoughts at night.

and waah, there is too much arm fat for me to get my forehead actually on the mat.

Telling you, Muay Thai. If you did that shit your arms would be like steel.

Why did I think it would be a good idea to stay home?

The girls have been up for less than an hour and I've already lost track of the number of times I've had to say "Julia, NO!" (only to have her keep doing whatever she's doing), "Catelyn, be nice to your sister!"

You kids seem bored. Maybe we should do something?
Let's play a game. Kids love games.
What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? Are you seriously getting told by a 24 year old man on the internet how to parent?
I am the opposite of a parent and even I know what to do better than you do.

and had to listen to howling sobs from Catelyn overreacting because I couldn't pick her up while making her breakfast. Oy!

You know if you were around them more there wouldn't be this attention anxiety when you are around.
Christ on a cross.
Yeah, in fact. Jesus Christ didn't die on a cross for you to act like this, I'm pretty sure.

Huh- so, our nanny was taking tomorrow off to go to a conference, and we planned to take the girls in to their old daycare (since we're still paying for it). Carl called on Monday to confirm with them, and just left a message.

Yeah, Carl. I've been pretty mean to the mom here but let's switch to you for a second. Where are you, friend? You somehow get less mentions than yoga.

So, uh, way to go backup childcare plan.

The part that absolutely slays me is how lucky this woman is, by her own admission, that she was given up for adoption only to have two people completely unrelated to her, two people that weren't obligated to piss on her if she were on fire take her into their lives and raise her as their own and yet none of this gratefulness seems to translate into raising her own biological children.
Man, I am fucking smart.
I should write a religious text.
No one would follow it because somehow "it's your own fault, dipshit," doesn't seem like the kind of slogan that most people would want to follow.
Maaaaaaaan I'm going to go play Skyrim. Fuck this noise. I don't understand people.
But killing dragons and bandits, that I understand.

From Fire Born

You know what game turned out to be a lot better than expected?
Skyrim.
I can't believe I've stopped playing it to do this bullshit, even.
Here we have "Fahr Mal Wieder U-Bahn tu dir mal was gutes an".
I don't know either.
Records indicate I've clicked on this blog before. Have I reviewed it? Not to my recollection.

Who are your heroes?

Today's writer's block. Because it's Veterans Day, don't you know.

don't have any.

also, still fuck you, US-centric questions. the only noteworthy thing that happens on november 11th is st. martin's day. also, the beginning of carnival season.

And Armistice Day in Europe.
And Remembrance Day in the Commonwealth.
And Independence Day in Poland.
In fact, today is a pretty national day for a lot of people.
And even if it weren't, it's still an American website so, you know, you can fuck right off if that offends you.

what is it with your obsession with the whole "zomg gotta be grateful towards our troops" deal, anyway. they're the ones who chose to make that kind of thing their job. it's their own goddamn fault.

Not that I'd expect a filthy German to understand because you were on the losing end of the most significant event to occur in the last 500 years but the continued success of the armed forces is pretty much synonymous with continued prosperity at home.

and i don't exactly see them accomplishing anything positive, either. just war war more war look we're the US and we're the greatest. except nobody else actually believes that anymore. we're just over here shaking our heads in disbelief. it kind of stopped being at all believable the moment you didn't have a red menace to protect everyone else from anymore.

Yeah and you're welcome for saving your ass from Communism.
Ungrateful bastards.
I'll agree the US has been involved in some unfortunate wars since WWII but Germany is as tied up in Iraq as we are so I don't really see how she's getting so high and mighty.
Europeans really have a problem with that, too. Isn't the entire continent in flames due to unrest?
And you somehow presume over my country?

a bit more on the whole "zomg demisexuality = evil slut shaming!!" bullcrap:

Demisexuality. I was rereading my blog last night and came across the entry when that term first (and last) came up, by sheer coincidence. Demisexuality is being attracted to people you're romantically attracted to.
A fairly pointless term but not entirely pointless because you can lust after someone you're not romantically interested in.

as established, demisexuality is a matter of simply never experiencing the urge to have sex with anyone you're not emotionally close to, not of consciously choosing to never have sex with anyone you're not emotionally close to. it's exactly the same thing as the difference between asexuality and celibacy - can't give up something you didn't even want in the first place. however, even if someone someone did consciously decide not to have sex with anyone they weren't emotional close to, that would still not be slut shaming.

Slut shaming, from my limited understandings of the issue, has to do with women who dress promiscuously and march for the rights of women.
Because apparently the rights of women are now tied up with being completely loose in your sexual habits. And if you disagree you're somehow prudish and hate women and want women's rights to go back 200 years.
I don't understand.

even if their reason for doing so was that they thought it was cheap and meaningless to them. it would be a little thing called personal preference. it would become a problem if, and only if, if they expected everyone else to act the same way and looked down on anyone who didn't.

Yeah I do expect people to act with a base level of decency and that includes not acting like a slut.
I mean you can do that. I'm not going to stop you, but don't expect my undying respect for acting like a tramp.

and simply stating your preference does not constitute looking down on all others. i mean, what, does saying that i'm not romantically or sexually interested in women now equal homophobia, too? (ignoring that i actually identify as agender because clearly that's just another thing people do to feel like special little snowflakes when they should just shut up and smush themselves into the established categories so everyone else can have an easier time that doesn't involve having to think too hard?) please.

What the fuck is happening?
Am I dying?

why do you keep logging me out every time i close a window, livejournal. even though i checked "remember me" and even when i check it twice. you fucking retard.

Sounds like it's not properly storing cookies, possibly because you set your browser to not store temporary files.
One thing I've learned in my life is that when it comes to computer errors, 95% of the time it's actually user error.

oh god, tea tree oil. no wonder it's effective against bacteria. the stench alone is probably enough to drive them away. D:

Tea tree oil smells great, what are you on about?

dude why do people think it's okay to put pages online that don't display equally well in all browsers? didn't we get over this way back when the two possible browsers were still netscape and internet explorer?

The two possible browsers.
Because there was a period in time where the only two browsers on earth were Netscape and IE.
I'm actually becoming increasingly disillusioned with Firefox but the alternates are Chrome, Opera and Safari so I'll take the good with the bad, thanks.

i'm having a moment of serious trouble dealing with the concept that air is indeed a substance, here. you wouldn't believe just how bloody weird a state of mind this is. i'm actually flailing around trying to grasp the concept that i'm touching it right now even though i can't feel it. D:

seriously, brain? this after twenty-five years of being just fine with it?

Yes, air is a thing. If it wasn't something that existed you wouldn't be breathing it.
Pretty obvious, that.

hey fandom activism types of the internet. there's actually a far larger problem than the fact that there supposedly aren't enough strong female characters for girls to identify with. know what that problem is? the underlying implication that it's not possible or acceptable for them to identify with strong male characters.

The fuck am I reading?

honestly, how does anyone still think that whole thing is a good idea and totally going to work and help change the world? i mean, here you are, entering a fandom's communities and essentially telling its members what horrible unenlightened bastards they are for loving and cherishing the story in question exactly the way it is? and expecting it to come across in any way that isn't "hey guys stop having fun"? really?

god really what the hell is this i don't even. *helpless verbal flailing*

Whaaaaaaaaaat?

yes 24°C is clearly an appropiate temperature for october 4th in berlin

yes global climate change is clearly a totally made-up thing

CLEARLY

Sample size of one CLEARLY THIS IS A PATTERN.
Also I don't think any sane person is arguing the climate isn't changing. There is mountains of evidence to support the fact it is changing. The question is and as far as I know has always been are humans the primary cause of this change?

also, fired after one week, no reason given. w/e. i honestly can't make myself care. probably because nobody will ever convince me that hard work is an intrinsically positive thing. working hard for something you don't actually want to do, that even if you do enjoy it still boils down to the need to earn a living and thus isn't truly voluntary in the end, can never be a good thing as far as i'm concerned, and fuck all the religions etc. that claim otherwise.

I'm going to have to check my book here--
Yeah, this is heresy.
Prepare to be cleansed, etc.

i don't actually eat vegetarian meals very often?

Yeah, I'll bet you don't.
Barbarian.
Wow this entry is coming off as incredibly anti-German.
I have no problems with Germany it's just every German I've met has been a raging asshole except one.
Who coincidentally fought in WWII as part of the Wehrmacht.
Goooo figure.
I still wouldn't trust him. He just wasn't an asshole.
I'm not letting this paint my perception of Germany, though. I'm sure there are many great Germans out there.
I'm just not dealing with one currently.
And by "many great Germans" I mean about as much as any other group of people.
So practically none.

also OH HEY LOOK IT'S SEPTEMBER 11TH I JUST WONDER WHAT KIND OF STUPID AMERICA-CENTRIC QUESTION OF THE DAY WE'RE GOING TO GET TODAY. because face it the US are the only ones who still keep going on and on and on about this day as though it were actually going to make any difference at this point.

American website. I have to hear about the Holocaust you created all the time and you don't hear me complaining.
God this is boring. I'm going to play Skyrim.
DRAGONS TO KILL FUCK YEAH THIS GAME IS SO HARDCORE.
The game opens with you going to your own execution and just as your head is about to roll a dragon jumps in and kills everyone.
And then you shoot lightning out of your hands like the Emperor from Star Wars.