Of mankind we may say in general they are fickle, hypocritical, and greedy of gain.

I like today's writer's block.

How do you define a true friend? What would lead you to end a friendship?

The answer is any friend who would help me bury the body and NOTHING CAN BREAK SUCH A BOND.
Anyway here we have a new unholy triumvirate I'm noticing:

• picture of a baby for an avatar
• black birds background
• crazy multicolored font

Gentlemen, welcome to flavor country.
I would like to point out this background was specifically designed with white font in mind but never mind, idiots, use dark red and bright orange. That's fine. Anyway here's the first post and therefore most recent post and I'm still not really understanding how Livejournal sorts these writer's blocks because I remember this one from a bit ago:

Do you believe society will ever truly overcome racism?

I believe my answer was something like "no, people are biologically programmed to fear what looks different from them" but then again I also believe I'm quoted as saying "Jesus Christ didn't die on the cross for you to marry someone who looks like you" so I'm not really sure what my stance on this issue is.
Basically I'm looking for the view that lets me call brown and yellow girls delicious while still using race as an easy way to hate someone.
Not that I hate people because of their race but if I hate someone I can use race as a way to buffer my litany of hate against them.

I do not believe that our society will ever overcome racism simply because there's a lot of people who are way too ignorant when it comes to other people's culture and lifestyle.

Like earlier this week I was pissed at Korea for producing shitty music that gets stuck in my head.
But that's okay because I actually bothered to watch the video and I found the girl I'm going to marry in it.
She doesn't know it yet but it's coming.
I suspect the fact I don't know her name and I don't understand a word she says isn't as big a relationship issue as people make it out to be.
Apparently it's "Sooyoung" and I think I'm just going to call her Sue. Girls like when you have pet names for them, right?

Instead of asking questions to learn, people would rather criticize and judge it as something evil or wrong and because they feel that what they know as being civilized is as is, often people do not realize that its a big world and that not everything that you know is right.

But I am always right. ANALYSIS IS THE BANE OF CONVICTION.
And today's writer's block's (fffffffffffffuck) answer:

I define a true friend who is a friend that is always there with you through thick and thin. Someone who is not afraid to tell you how it is even though its something you don't want to hear. Someone who will always have your back regardless and is ready to defend you no matter what.

BLAH BLAH BLAH SAILOR MOON LESSON ON FRIENDSHIP.
Seriously could you have thrown more cliched bullshit at me? I literally feel like Sailor Moon just schooled me on friendship while I'm waiting for Gundam to come on.

What would lead me to end a true friendship would be death because when you have a true friend all the trials that life hands down can be faced as long as we are facing them TOGETHER!

Only in death does duty end.
Wait, no, that's Warhammer.

Its every girl's dream to find a husband who's a knight in shining armor.

I found out today I am literally a knight. Two people I don't know called me "sir" and as we all know that's the title of knighthood so it must be.
But as Machiavelli said: "it is not titles that honor men but men that honor titles."
Truly he was the wisest man ever.

However, taught that to our mom's and their mom's mom is totally a deliusional. THERE IS NO KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. THERE IS NO HAPPY EVER AFTER ONCE YOU GET MARRIED.

Oh, what's this?
10,000-20,000 members, 10% of whom were knights?
I just proved historically there were at least 2000 knights.
That's ignoring all the other orders of note bopping around at the same time.
Oh right I guess you weren't talking about cool shit. Anyway, proceed.

Growing up that's what I always wanted. To find a husband who's a knight in shining armor. To be a mother and wife but unfortunetly thats not the case!

:V

I've known my Jose, my husband now for 9 years before we got married in March of 2009. Quite frankly and simple put, I never regretted anything in my life before but if there's anything I hate and regret its him. I regretted every staying in a relationship that is unfulfilling.

I'm really interested in whatever the fuck you're talking about.

But I don't know why. I still ask myself why. I've always have a nature to endure whatever hardships come my way. I simply just keep quiet to myself every pain and every sorrow I can muster.

Suddenly I'm sad I already used that line from The Inquisition War in the last entry. How did it go? "RELAX, MORTAL MAN, OR YOU WILL SURELY DIE IN SUCH PAIN AS WE ALWAYS ENDURE."

I don't know how or why but I just do. I guess its because of being treated like a low life all my life that I'm able to endure all this pain and suffering. I keep on hoping that somehow somewhere my luck would change that something's bound to give.

A foolish man puts his faith in luck. A wise man puts his faith in The Emperor.

I regretted being married to him. He's vain, selfish, arrogant, ignorant, self-centered and a pain in my life. If only I have $, I would get a divorce.
I thought that if we got married, our lives would change.

Typical dumb girl move. I'LL MARRY HIM AND CHANGE HIM :3

My 1st agenda is save $. Although Jose's my husband I'm tired of giving him everything of what is mine and yet he doesn't. The only thing he gives me $ for food and for him. He can't even give me a gift for xmas or birthday that is something that I would like.

Sue and I will never be like this.I think she has considerably more money than I do but I definitely won't forget her birthday or Christmas.

Being married to him is like being chained and imprisoned. At least a prisoner is happy behind bars.

I've met a few prisoners in my life and none of them were especially thrilled about being in jail.

I can be sure of this, IF I ever bother to get married again, I will make sure the next guy won't turn out to be like Jose.

I think I found part of your problem. "if I ever bother to get married again" like "eh, if I can be bothered to go to the Warham store I'll buy new glue but if not--"
You idiots need to realize marriage isn't just an excuse to throw a big party and look pretty. There is an afterwards.

What would you consider the worst job in the world, and why?

I liked this one a lot because the responses were basically "whatever my current job is."
But seriously my current job is the worst one in the entire world.

The goals that I want to achieve by the end of this year would be 1.) Get in shape to tone up and be healthy and 2.) be financially secure.

Oh hey, speaking of totally unrelated shit.
That's fine, really. Just say whatever you want and don't bother staying on topic.
Oh, and here's the exact same writer's block where she does answer properly.
Errr--

The worst job in the world I would say is to be president of whatever country you are from. This is the worst job in my opinion because people are never satisfied.

President of my country is on vacation in Hawaii last I checked.
I guess it depends on the president, really. I'm sure Truman wasn't having a good time during that whole WW2 and the nuke thing.

So anyways, took Michael to the nearby mall today around 1:30pm with my dad! Had lunch. He loves French Fries and as long as there's french fries he's alright. He didn't even touch his chicken nuggets lol.

SO ANYWAYS LOL I'd like to point out she mentions she's 31 at one point.
I'm cutting her some slack, though, because she is from Papua New Guinea and I don't think they speak GOD-FEARING ENGLISH there.

He wouldn't go without me anyways.

>anyways again
Nope, slack ends there.
And that is the beginning of her blog and therefore the end of this entry.
Well, to attempt to tie this meandering few pages of nonsense into some kind of conclusion:
KNOCK IT OFF WITH THIS BACKGROUND, FUCK.

DRAMA! ANGST!

LIVEJOURNAL!
I knew I was in for easy pickings when the writer's block went as such:

What's your most debilitating insecurity? Do you think you'll ever overcome it?

My most debilitating insecurity is that I am far, far too awesome to deal with a quarter of the people I do.
There is clearly an awesome limit and I have crossed it. It's like the limit break quests in FFXI. I had to gather a ton of dumb bullshit to level awesome this high.
Anyway here we have some melodramatic high school girl who's on about something.

My biggest insecurity.. My self esteem sucks. Horribly. I'd like to overcome the idea that im "worthless" and "ugly".

YOU ARE ALL WORTHLESS AND WEAK.

I don't know if I can ever TRULY overcome it though. Maybe mask it, but not cure it.

You're not good enough to conquer insecurity.
I'd make a great therapist.

Study hall. Oh joy, study hall. Consisting mostly of just a teacher, and I, it's tense as hell without my ear buds shoved into my ears. It's quiet, all except for my tunes and keyboard click clack.

It's intense sitting here wanting to shop at Hot Topic all day.

Yeah, man. It's better than actually LEARNING though, so thats a plus. And, I get to sit here, on my ass for 50 minutes doing nothing but texting, typing, and bobbing my head back and forth to this and that.

>bobbing my head back and forth
HEH I'LL SAY.
Also this sounds like any other class at the school I teach at but whatever.
Learning is hard, being stupid is easy-- natural decision.

This is the source of obesity. I failed gym though, so there's nothing I can do about that.

How the fuck do you fail gym? I didn't even show up half the time and still passed.

These keyboards are practically prehistoric. This whole computer is prehistoric. There is dust all over the place, and this computer lags like a bitch. Fuck it.

I have a computer made in 1993 and it doesn't lag. I understand if you take care of things they'll work better.
It does BSOD constantly but Windows 95, what can you do?
I had totally forgotten this but when Windows 95 doesn't find an error in its index of like 2 errors it just BSODs. 95% of the time you can just press enter and it goes away.
Recovering from a BSOD just like that.
TRULY THIS IS THE FUTURE.
Also the "DOS support" is really bad on Windows 95.
It doesn't work a solid 50% of the time and if I have to do something tricky like configure Soundblaster the sound chip sounds like it's shitting itself.
God I love 90s technology.

Today, so far, has been normal. I suppose. Same douche bags being douche bags, same bitches being bitches, same academic shit, same desks, same everything. The only difference is the tension and anxiety about finals coming up. I know I'm stressing. If I don't get good grades, I get banned from seeing Tyler. So, yeah. I NEED good grades. Need them.

Banned from seeing Tyler?
NO!
Don't your parents understand you're like what's that bitches name from Twilight and Edward?
DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND YOUR ETERNAL, UNDYING LOVE?
Goddamn fuck being a teenager.

One more period to go. And then, I get to go home. And study. And call Tyler. And watch the Season Premiere of Being Human. But, first I have to get past the whole bus ride situation.

The bus is the picture of filth. Honestly. And, some of the people who ride it, aren't so different. I sit in the back, obviously. Hell knows what I'd do to the poor 6th and 7th graders who sat in the front. Probably traumatize them with my perverted wisdom?

>High school kid
>wise
HA!
Truly those who consider themselves wise are not.

I don't know. Back to my point? The assholes sit in the back. The guys who think they're too cool to be in school.

Ha, yeah. All guys who sat in the back are assholes.
Especially that one kid who sat in the fire exit seat because then he wouldn't have to sit next to anyone.
Hmm, suddenly reminded that I sat there.
Well, anyway.

Which is total bull, I know. We all know.

Weren't you just saying you hated school and how learning was dumb and pointless?
Aren't you kind of being too cool for school when you do shit like that?

So, I deal with them. And their ass-holery. Which is hard. Harder than RJ Bergers dick. But, I deal.

And other references I understand.

School is just over rated. The bus is over rated. Study Hall is over rated.

Sorry, You've heard this all before.

*Sigh* Typical teenage rants. How unoriginal.

EVERYTHING IS OVERRATED, MAN. SHUT UP. I'M A HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISTIC.

It's 6th period. Study Hall. I'm in a back room located somewhere in my school, with TWO other people. Aren't there supposed to be more people in Study Halls? There is some junior chick, the teacher, and me. It's so awkward and quiet. Thank god I have my head phones right? Without them, I'm sure I'd die from the tension.

90% of all comedy is borne of awkward silences I think.

Only sound I hear is Jawbreaker's song Million and the click clack of the keyboard. These keyboards suck. Along with the actual computer, it's practically prehestoric.

Didn't I already read this?
I don't need to work so hard on these updates. Just copy and paste old ones and update the musical references and I'm good to go.
Speaking of musical references: I made the horrific mistake a week ago of clicking on some Korean words on Youtube. It lead to a song that has BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD EVER SINCE.
But since I don't understand any of the words it just kind of comes out WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS whenever I start humming it to myself.
Fucking hell.
Oh well I guess that's my mistake for clicking anything Korean on Youtube and assuming it'll lead to anything but PAIN.
Maybe it's like The Ring and I just have to pass it on to someone else.
I'll be sure to ambush one of my friends on MSN with it tonight.

Oh well. My day has gone by very... fast? I can't necessarily say that because It went at a medium sort of pace.

All days bleed into one
BLEED LIKE THE BLACK OIL FROM MY WRISTS
I guess this isn't that emo as it is melodramatic and dumb.

Bre has been my closest chick friend since 6th grade. She's in nearly all of my classes, and she has the ability to make even the most boring science assignment interesting. But, today she was gone. She didn't answer back my texts so I suspect she's in Illinois. Her cousin is dying. He was an alchoholic and his system is now shutting down. He's neutral, but they are guessing he is going to pass soon. I wish the whole family luck. Get better soon, Andy!

>get better
>he's dying
Not the right thing to say, I think.

I just cannot wait until tomorrow. It's thursday today but It feels like a friday, so I acted like it was. I did practically NO work today. None. My mind wasn't focused on school work whatsoever today. I was thinking about Tyler, Bre, the bus ride home, my music, my bladder, my cell phone, Study Hall.. just all this random shit that isn't even slightly close to being academic.

You know I have to give her some credit. Her grammar is orders better than the average idiot.

I still have approximately 30 minutes left until class is over. Shit. How much more bored could I be?! Damn. I'd surf the web, but certain sites are blocked due to "Mature Content" so I don't even try anymore.

Ha, ha the school filter stops you from browsing the internet.
GIRLS AND TECHNOLOGY, AM I RIGHT?
I remember when I was in school we just used a proxy. Nothing fancy.

I was born on May 8th, 1996.

I remember 1996.
So let's see, that makes you 14.
Yeah, gotta give it to you. Your grammar is orders better than any of the idiots I teach and they're your age.

Maybe people just don't like me because they're afraid?

Yeah, afraid of your scrawny ass.

Haha. Bull. That's what my shrinks have been telling me from day one. "Oh, honey. They're just jealous of you." Aww. How sweet. My parents are paying you to sugar coat my life? I don't think so.

You know what'd make this a lot more interesting? If it read like that scene from The Inquisition War.

I didn't realize it until about 2 months ago but.. Shit. There are so many people in my school who I just want to smoosh knowledge and understanding into their brain with a 3 inch thick paddle.

Yeah, see? Instead of that dumb shit it could read like this:

"WE ARE CURIOUS," came a mighty anguished thought which itself transcended time. "WE HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR INTRUSION INTO OUR SANCTUARY, OUR ANTRUM AND ADYTUM.

"My lord." Jaq sank to his knees. "I beg to report to you before I am destroyed. I may have uncovered a major conspiracy-"

"THEN WE WILL STRIP YOUR SOUL BARE. RELAX, MORTAL MAN, OR YOU WILL SURELY DIE IN SUCH PAIN AS WE ALWAYS ENDURE."

"WE HAVE PUT BACK WHAT WE TOOK AND TASTED, INQUISITOR"

"WE ARE MANY, INQUISITOR"

"HOW ELSE COULD WE ADMINISTER OUR IMPERIUM-"

"AS WELL AS WINNOW THE WARP-"

"HOW ELSE?"

That'd be amazing. Oh well, probably best it doesn't read like that because then I'd have this update about this AWESOME BLOG I JUST FOUND.

One kid hates me because I'm bisexual. One hates me because according to him, I'm "emo". One hates me because I'm friends with a certain person.

Yeah but see, instead of that it'd read like this:

"WE ARE AN EVER WATCHFUL LORD, ARE WE NOT? DID YOU HOPE TO GAIN OUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION?"

"HOW ELSE SHOULD WE SOUL-BIND PSYKERS AND OVERVIEW THE WARP AND BEAM THE ASTRONOMICAN BEACON AND SURVIVE AND RECEIVE INFORMATION AND GRANT AUDIENCES ALL AT ONCE, UNLESS WE ARE MANY?"

"AND YET STILL WE MISS SO MUCH, SO VERY MUCH? SUCH AS THAT WHICH GUIDED YOU HERE"

The Emperor of Mankind is so hardcore he talks in all caps. Also he refers to himself as "we" because he's literally multiple people in the same body. That must get really awkward.

Shit. Get to know me. I imagine you'd like me if you sat down, put all my difficulties aside and just TALKED to me.

Yeah, except-- no.

I'd appreciate it. But, instead they ridicule me because I'm not the average straight, perky, boring, *perfect* bitch. I'm not saying that anybody who is straight, and perky are bitches, necessarily. Just, most of the straight and perky girls I know are bitches. No stereotyping. I swear to jeebus.

I've made several key decisions about your character I feel you can agree with:
A. You are 14.

B. You are decidedly not a delicious brown or yellow girl

C. You are a melodramatic attention whore

Therefore I have decided I never want to hear from you. Fortunately for you one of these things will cure itself, one will never ever be cured and one might be if you worked at it, which you won't.
GRIM FUTURE. Also I like how you cry "stereotyping" but when you do it it's somehow the truth. That's a neat trick I'll have to try sometime.

People generally take one look at me and judge me on the way I look. They look at my big nose (which I'm not ashamed of), my eyeliner, my skinnies, my nikes, my mis-matching earrings and they JUDGE me.

Judge you the same way I have rendered judgment across hundreds of blogs. Hundreds of blogs, millions of words, and yet all the same.

That's all people do these days. Not all people, no. But, most people in my school think judging is a hobby.

It is a fun hobby, yes. Seriously, age a couple years and somehow transform into a DBG and we can talk shop. Until then, keep your crazy shit to yourself.

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwhat

Oh my goodNESS here we have something.
There's also a writer's block that goes something like this:

Would you ever take someone back after they cheated on you, and why? What could change your mind?

Just thought I'd quote it as a matter of interest.
And her response:

No.
Nothing.
The end.

Which sounds like "try again in 15 minutes" to me.
Now we come to a poem. I must say I'm a little bit excited. It has been a long time since we had a good, shitty poem to muck through on Edie Finds a Corpse.
It's entitled "Dear potential future loves..." which I do enjoy some speculative fiction. Or poetry, as the case may be.

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
So I let down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow

Oh so you're a Space Marine? You don't need medals because every scar is borne of battle?
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me

There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
Underneath
I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I don't bruise, really.
Basically if I get a bruise I probably broke a bone.

I've found your fingerprints on a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine, too
But if I never take this leap of faith, I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

Wow this is like a poem written by a crazy person.
... What do I mean "like"? This is poetry written by a crazy person.
Oh, oh, I've got a poem:
Today I found my black ink
BLACK LIKE MY SOUL
and it is almost empty
why, Games Workshop, did you
stop selling ink
and start
selling inferior washes?
Thank you.
I added the "BLACK LIKE MY SOUL" because it sounds deep. Yeah I'm a tortured soul, ladies.
I've been nursing my three remaining bottles of ink for like 3 years now. I think it's time to get over it.
Oh this isn't even her poem, wow. This is a song someone else recorded.
That means at least two people thought this was good.
Maybe even more.
I'm kind of at a loss for words, currently.

I had to refresh my "Post an Entry" page 10 times to get my cursor to appear in the text box and to actually write my entry, which just compounds the reason why I popped on here to bitch about LJ in the first place!

I'm really interested in your grievances.

Why is there no fucking gender specification on the profile page?

It annoys me when I have to go through someone's fucking journal to find out what gender they are, and even then, half the time, I can't tell.

Oh wait, I genuinely am interested in your grievances. Tell me about it, sister.

(Hence the reason I thought poor your_efling was a chick until I read an entry about a battle with an oven in which he actually referred to himself as Kevin - sorry, darling.)

Hey at least you came to the answer. Sometimes I'm looking at their fucking ugly faces and still can't tell.
Oh, remember this question?

How would you describe your ideal romantic partner in six words?

Her post on the subject is 175 words.
How is it I had an extra word and you went over by a factor of 169?

1. Flawed
(I'm a sucker for boys with psychological/emotional dysfunctions - it implies multifaceted depth, which is an over analytical brain picker's dream!)

>Dysfunctions
>depth
Nope. It just implies one thing: YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY.

2. Intelligent
(A smart boy for a smart girl - if a guy isn't my intellectual equal or greater, I have zero interest ... sorry, dummies.)

Gee, being your intellectual equal. What a challenge.

3. Independent
(I'm very independent. I take care of myself and what's mine. I don't need a man to hold my hand everywhere I go - proverbially speaking, 'cause light PDA totally rocks - I expect the same from a significant other.)

light PDA?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Light PDA?
Fuck, I'll just Google.
Personal Digital Assistant--
Personal Data Assistant (fuck me)
Progressive Democrats of America (thanks for making this difficult, cunt)
Pennsylvania Dental Association (that's the one)
Ah, it's probably Public Display of Affection.
Fuck you, I mean goddamn.

4. Dominant.
(Aggressive, possessive, domineering men tend to calm and tame my power tripping, control freakish ways - and I like being roughed up a bit in the bedroom!)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Let's just take a step back to numeros tres, shall we?

I'm very independent. I take care of myself and what's mine. I don't need a man to hold my hand everywhere I go -

And yet she wants:

Aggressive, possessive, domineering men

WELP.

5. Creative
(I don't care if you draw, write, design, program or cut out little paper snowflakes - I dig men who have imaginations and can find productive ways of conveying, materialistically, the images in their minds.)

Well I do have a blog with almost 400 entries. Ladies.

6. Funny
(My kind of weirdly combined dark/morbid, sarcastic and downright goofy/dorky funny.)

I think we have a match, here. A love connection over Livejournal-- no just kidding I hate this cunt.

Lately, I feel like I'm in a never ending whirl of blurred momentum. Days and nights meld together. I go in to work and I feel like I never left. I wake up in the morning and I feel like it's yesterday - sometimes, I think it's tomorrow.

If I go to bed and I wake up and it's yesterday the last thing I'm doing is writing about it on Livejournal, I mean fuck.

I'm so preoccupied with work and being a mom that I have no time to think of anything else,

>Mom
Well I pegged you for about 14 years old.
I suppose you could still be 14 but-- I dunno.

Why are some things nowhere near as easy as we'd like them to be, and why are other things far more easy than we need them to be?

>more easy
Speaking of: 63k skill points to hit rank 38.
Fuuuuck.
Speaking of, my gay FFXIV character sighting for the day:

That is a man in a skirt with no shirt on.
WATCH OUT, EDIE! THAT'S HOW YOU CATCH THE GAYNESS!

If I manage to break hearts from across an ocean, without even trying to, imagine the damage I could do if I actually held one in my hands.

Well the quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest, as they say.
Now there's a picture of a man garroting a woman-- what the fuck?
One of the tags is "kink" and I don't even know--
I mean I've heard of erotic asphyxiation but I'm pretty sure this guy is just killing this woman.
Oh, remember this question?

How would you describe the last decade in one sentence?

Her response: 3 paragraphs. Anyway, moving on:

It's tiny particles of hope that keep us going, that keep us from sinking, that keep us from staring into the abyss and contemplating the absoluteness of nothing.

What
I'm just going to skip this post too, come to think of it.

Isn't it ironic how gun fanatics are constantly ranting and raving about their right to bear arms for the sake of protection, when they don't realize that if guns weren't made so readily available, they wouldn't need so much fucking protecting in the first place?

Oh, well, by that logic if we just kill every human no one would need guns because we'd all be dead!
You do realize the criminal element of the world will get guns regardless of how illegal they are, right?

Before a smartass decides to make a comment stating the obvious: I realise there are various other forms of weapons which are just as dangerous, blah blah blah ..... let's not get into semantics or technicalities - this is a firearm specific bitchfest, brought to you by Melanie, via a short and sweet statement just dripping with disapproval and disgust.

Oh I got smartass in a way you didn't even predict.

I want to write so badly.
Not gibberish and nonsense, but something of real value.
I can't.

Ha, ha, wow. A Livejournal user being honest for a change.

The words are there - ever present - but something is denying me access to them.
Have my demons conspired against me by stationing a gatekeeper within my mind to guard my creativity bank?

You need to send your mental Lone Wolf in there to overcome the gateless gate and kill Buddha.
Ever read Lone Wolf and Cub?
No?

Vile, shadowy creatures with nothing better to do than to meddle, yet I love them so, for without them, there would be no me.

Starting to sound like a shitty, emo version of Persona 3 now.
Oh there's a picture of you.
Woooooow you look like a cunt.
Here, check it out.

In 16 days, I'll be 28 years old.
Many claim I still have the face of a child, but..
I've been cursed/gifted with an old woman's soul.
I've been on my own for too long.

WOE IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I sound like such a whiny child, sometimes.
>sometimes
Anyway I have shit to do.
Be seeing you, my good faggots.

Let's be self-important

There are three kinds of successful people: people who are directly useful, people who are useful but in an indirect way, and parasites. Let's discuss this later option for a moment: their freedom and all of the wealth they enjoy is parasitic. They spread, like a cancer, and leech off the hard work of the other two main categories. There can be no greater example of this than a lawyer.
Welcome to a law major.
Oh, also: today's writer's block.

How would you describe your ideal romantic partner in six words?

Delicious brown or yellow girl.
One extra word.

Patient, respectful, mellow, intelligent, cultured, and cuddly.

Oh yeah yeah anyway onto more important things: FFXIV. I found a flowchart that summarizes the FFXIV and indeed any RPG experience:I'm currently enjoying the left and right branch of this flowchart at the same time.
The question is do I sell the 70 of the item I don't need?
There's such a pack rat mentality in these games. IF I THROW IT AWAY I'LL NEED IT IMMEDIATELY and it sounds like fucking crazy talk but I've been burned by that exact situation more times than I can count.

Classes started yesterday. I think my MWF mornings (American Legislative System, then Ethics) are going to be my favorite part of the semester. You know, minus the whole "being awake in the morning" thing.

Ethics. What would filth like you know about ethics?
Lawyers don't understand ethics, they know ethics. There is a huge difference.
When you look at a book I'm sure you see the weight of the paper and the quality of the material before you see the actual words on the page.

I may have pulled out all A+s last semester, but aside from Saturdays in Bryant Denny, I wasn't having the kind of fun that I wanted.

They are pretty much mutually exclusive categories.

I hope to be an attorney someday, and even though I'm only a college sophomore, I've gone on a researching spree tonight for large law firms in the Atlanta area.

My two most important qualifiers in a choice: insurance litigation practice and domestic partner (NOT just spousal, nor only same-sex DP) benefits.

Domestic partner benefits. That's good. You get the double whammy that way: you get to create and leech off a bad situation.
Also your kind is the reason insurance is as crazy as it is.
Scum.

With a high success rate (and high starting salaries) in tow, I think it's an understatement to say that I'm excited about my future.

Excited about my future of producing nothing, thanks.
I hate this cunt.

Admittedly, I have yet to "come out" as several things; however, some are more pertinent than others, and I decided it was time to let my parents know that they shouldn't be expecting children from me.

Well at least you're opting yourself out of the gene pool.

So far, things haven't been so hard. I dread the day I have to announce my convictions to my partner's parents, but that doesn't need to happen for years to come. Hopefully I'll be fixed by then, so there won't be any argument.

Partner.
Lesbian?
Gay guy?
Who the fuck cares, goddamn.

A few weeks ago, it was finals week. I slept in until 10:30 after cramming the night before and woke up to get coffee with my best friend before she left town for the semester. As I pulled on a sweater, I had the realization:
The rest of my life could be exactly like this.
Ok, maybe I can't take finals for the rest of my life, nor can I sleep in every single day. However, I can sleep in on weekends and go meet my friend for coffee on a whim. I don't have to get permission. I don't have to make special arrangements.

See what I mean? And she'll continue to do this by suing insurance companies. Her freedom and everything she enjoys in life is parasitic.
Meanwhile people can't afford insurance at all because of nonsense like this but OH FUCKING WELL.

I was only recently made aware that having children is optional. I know, I hear it all the time: "For a smart girl, you don't have much common sense."

Oh you hear that all the time, do you? I guarantee you've never heard what I'm saying about you right now.

I'm aware. I operated under the assumption that having kids is "just what you do" for 19 years.

It is just what you do, though. It's biology.
Don't interpret that as me advocating people should have children, though. Most absolutely should not.

I assumed that I would do it too. I never really put any thought into how I would be a proper parent on an attorney's schedule, nor how I would fulfill my dream of going to every Alabama game for the rest of my life around a child's needs; I just assumed.

I have to give her some credit: at least she considered the kid.
I'm still not buying any of this. She'll probably decide she wants to pass on her glorious genetics to the future and not raise the bastard. Great.

Recently came the fun part: discussing my realization with my partner. I acknowledged that his reaction could mean we couldn't be together for life, and I'm not going to pretend that losing him would be a glancing blow.

>Him
IS THIS A GUY?
I seriously cannot tell. Using the term "partner" would seem to imply a gay couple but-- no, she said "smart girl" before so presumably this is a girl.
Or are you one of those that thinks the term "woman" implies some sort of submissiveness on the part of women so you refuse to use anything but absolutely gender neutral terms?
Oh God, no.

As always, he was understanding, if a little confused. He seemed to want to listen more than inquire.

He was probably thinking about sex while listening to you prattle on about dumb bullshit.

While my partner seems to be a milder problem, his mother is another story. From what I understand, she's infertile, but wanted children. Because of this, she adopted my partner and his sister from Eastern European countries.

WE ARE GOING BACK TO CZECHOSLOVAKIA-- I already did this joke.

Family is a huge part of her life; her Facebook says that being a mother is her biggest accomplishment. Her Facebook also reveals other things... A refusal to acknowledge me by name despite being her son's partner since junior year of high school, a special level of cattiness toward her coworkers the likes of which I've never seen, and a seriously Southern Baptist outlook.

I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading.
So now I'm back to my proverbial rack here: is this a guy or a girl? Maybe it's a guy who dresses up like a girl?
Transgendered person?
"Gender confused"?
WHY USE THE TERM PARTNER IF YOU ARE A GIRL DATING A GUY?

I deeply fear her reaction to the fact that her son will not have children - even just the reaction to him not having biological children. I fear insulting her by refusing to make use of a perfectly good uterus.

YOU HAVE A UTERUS YOU MUST BE A WOMAN.

I suppose this very long, very tangent-y post is to say that I'm thinking a great deal about my choice to be childfree lately. My certainty is about as effective as my superb birth control.

How would you talking about being child-free (not a compound word, idiot) be "tangentially related" when your entire post is about not having children?

I don't think I will ever rule out the possibility of a mind change, but I am not doing so to comfort others; it is for me, for the reassurance that I am in control of my decisions at all times.

I CALLED IT HA, HA GOD YOU SUCK.
This is why I'm never marrying a girl who speaks English. She's going to have to have all these crazy thoughts in a language I can't understand.
In fact, no, fuck that. She can speak English but she's going to be so AMAZED THAT I BROUGHT HER TO A COUNTRY WITH CLEAN, RUNNING WATER she'll never pull this dipshit stuff on me.
Goddamn what a lawyer move. All this conviction but "I reserve the right to change my mind" like, what, educated people never change their minds? No, it happens all the time. You just put that wiggle clause in there to later avoid having to say you were wrong. You are the definition of a coward.

I think biological is out of the question for good, but from time to time I like the idea of taking in a teenage foster child and sending him/her to college on the fortune I would have spent on diapers, or offering to board foster children who were kicked out of the system at age 18 with nowhere to go.

Oh yeah, all your ill-gotten money spent on a worthy cause.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus Christ.

I have a tumblr, and as much as I like that blogging format, I don't feel like I can talk about the serious stuff on there. It's a more a place of funny and attractive things for me, so I need a place for the ugly to go when it needs.
So, here I am.

Ooooooh a pretentious Tumblr girl.
Hipster bitches, all of you.
A little lot about myself:

I'm a student at the University of Alabama. I absolutely adore it here. I'm currently majoring in both Political Science and Criminal Justice; I'd also major in History and English if I had the time in my scholarship.

Major in engineering and build something.

Someday I hope to attend law school and become an attorney.
I grew up outside of Atlanta and love the Southeast, despite its Bible-beating tendencies. Speaking of, I consider myself somewhat of a Christian, albeit not nearly as devout as I once was.

I bet you have an annoying Southern accent too fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I believe in a higher power and I follow Christ's "love one another" message the best I can and don't worry about the nitpicky stuff, so take that for what it is.

I believe in ZEUS.

I'm a pretty outspoken feminist and liberal. Absolutely pro-choice, pro gay rights, pro taxes on the ultra-rich, etc.

Corinthians 14:34-35:

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

I'm not gonna make a huge deal about this since you said you don't focus on the "nit-picky" parts of Christianity but that is a quote from the apostle Paul, one of Jesus' "elect".

I have a partner with whom I've been exclusive for a little over two and a half years. He's patient and understanding, loves cats, and doesn't get on my nerves; he's pretty much the ideal human being with whom to enjoy life.

Yeah, about that. Why "partner"?
Unless they're business partners, but-- no.

I have stretched ears (half-inch) and one tattoo (with my next hopefully to come in the next few weeks).

Oh, very attractive.

I have terrible nearsightedness, but awesome glasses more than make up for it.
My favorite family members are covered in fur.

And a furry. I found a real winner here.

I suppose you can expect this journal to be on any of the above and more. If you read all that, you deserve a medal...

Just pile that next to my other extensive honors earned in battle against douchebaggery. A true Space Marine cares not for accolades and ranks. I am just thankful to do battle against the enemies of Man.
Also I'd like to take this time to amend my earlier writer's block answer. I feel "I want a girl not accioalabama" would be a more accurate answer.

TO THE LAST

Today's writer's block is entitled "free your mind" which I'm pretty sure is what you're supposed to do when you realize you're in The Matrix.
But no, like everything real life when compared to fiction, this turns out to be incredibly boring:

Do you believe society will ever truly overcome racism?

>Implying "society" is a collective entity
And the answer is no regardless.

Improve? Hopefully. Completely overcome? Doubtful. Society has always made a massive deal out of physical attributes, and skin color has always been one of the physical attributes where people tend to get more dramatic over.

Like them DBGs, man.

If humanity doesn't go extinct soon, in hundreds to thousands of years I do believe that the days of white supremacy will eventually come to an end.

What about black supremacists?
Yes, contrary to what I was taught in pussy sensitivity, black people can be racist.

For instance whoever is the new majority in the future in the US... Yes they will likely be the new ones oppressing everyone else. I do hope white supremacy does eventually fade away, in spite of the fact that I think we'll always have problems with racist supremacist groups from whoever the majority/richest group currently is.

All right shut up I get it. You're just saying the same thing over and over.
I DO BELIEVE WHITE SUPREMACY WILL DIE OUT IN THE U.S. BUT THEN THE NEW MAJORITY GROUP WILL BE RACIST, BY WHICH I MEAN WHEN WHITE SUPREMACY DIES,-- fuuuuuck.

Disturbing cause well obviously explained in the name of the link. Interesting because I wonder if something similar but different, with positive as opposed to negative results could be done.

Cool sentence you have here. This, by the way, is in reference to scientists using magnets to turn off peoples' moral judgment centers in their brains.
Logically the "opposite" of 'off' is 'on' and it's on usually (in theory, anyway) and so scientists wouldn't have to do anything with magnets to get people to behave according to that part in their brain.
What she probably meant (because she is an idiot after all) is if scientists could use magnets to create people with a greater morality and the answer to that is obviously no. There is no objective morality, you dumb cunt.

Perhaps something similar but different could be done for things to help chronic low self esteem? On one hand, I'm afraid this might be abused.

Chronic low self-esteem, morality-- these magnets are fucking magic. They can just fix every problem you have.
Insane Clown Posse I take back everything I said. Magnets are indeed miracles.

I'm afraid of this being used on people against their will. Of people being pressured to have magnets to alter their brain when they don't really want it.

Maybe you read a different article than I did but these magnets just disrupted the flow of neurons. Once the magnet was removed you went back to business as normal.
I mean I can't be sure but you did link it and I did read over that paragraph of text so I'm pretty sure there isn't a part i missed.

Or maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

Ha, ha maybe. I dunno.

Funny that the medication I was on for my wisdom tooth removal didn't seem to have much if any mental or emotional effect on me.

Pain killers tend not to alter your mood?
Huh that's really weird. It's like they designed the medication for that specific purpose or something.

That's what I was told would happen.

So when a doctor tells you something about a medication it typically happens? What a time to be alive!
Also: PUSSY WHO NEEDS PAIN MEDS FOR A WISDOM TOOTH?
I was off Tylenol a day afterward. YOU ARE WORTHLESS AND WEAK.

You know what had an effect on me? I tried to prevent it but somehow my MSN messenger became updated.

Oh yeah, sing it sister.
That new Messenger update is a step back in every category that counts.

It irritated me cause the new layout severely disoriented me. And between everything that's been going on I feel really surreal.

All right I will give it to MSN: "surreal" is not a word I would have chosen to describe it. Perhaps "so bad it's surreal" but not actually surreal.

Random question: Does anyone know if there's some list on the internet somewhere with every IRC that exists, or is that simply not possible?

Considering there are hundreds of thousands of IRC channels, some of which are private, I kind of doubt--

What about one with almost every IRC? I did google searches for "Irc channels" trying to find something with thousands of results, and didn't find anything.

I can't really go to the old one anymore, can't say it's name for security reasons. I feel a strange mixture of being overstimulated, while somehow feeling stuck.

What's happening?

My biological parents don't completely understand my situation, I don't expect them to.

Oh God incoming confusion.
What is your situation? You're completely normal?
Please, for once.

I wish they could understand that I don't consider my attraction to women a heterosexual thing, and I wish they could understand why I don't want to date HETEROSEXUAL women.

Oh God no.
So, what, you're a guy, really?
Wanting to date lesbians?
What?

At least my father remembered, and brought up once talking to someone who knew a trans lesbian. Though he was confused by it.

Confused by this? Fuck.

And I was asked if I wanted to wear dresses. My response was that "It's kinda stereotypical to assume a dress is what I want to wear". Sometimes I wish I had more feminine clothes, but I don't want to wear a dress.

WELL?

Should have I mentioned that I dislike how dresses hide the shape of the legs?

Your shapely, womanly legs-- fuck off, I mean goddamn.
This shit is confusing enough and then you get all indignant when people attempt to understand your nonsense. KIND OF STEREOTYPICAL-- well fuck me for being curious.
I guess that in itself isn't a big deal, I guess I appreciate my biological parents at least being open to the possibility of separating gender identity from sexual orientation.
Here's my new idea for a scorecard:
you are biologically a: man woman
wanting to be a: man woman both
wanting to date a: man woman both

Everyone knows I need a therapist that's not judgmental at all, and particularly a very understanding/knowledgeable one. My father mentioned wishing we could find a specialist. He is worried that my autism, combined with my attraction to women is going to give me problems finding an understanding therapist or something along those lines.

I'M A HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISTIC GUYS.
I ALSO HAVE ADHD.

In other news: You know how I always seem to subtly notice being a stare magnet sometimes? Well...

Yeah when a guy wears a woman's clothing you're going to get some looks.
Oh some guy just followed him around the store who the fuck cares get over yourself--
and that's the first entry, awww. New to this blogging thing, I see.
Well I have nothing better to do so let's pad this entry with captain writer's block.
Here's his (her whatever who even can keep track at this point) answer to the previous writer's block about racism:

Sadly, by the way things are now, I don't think society will ever truly overcome racism.

Racism can be brought on by parents influencing their children with it, and causing them to spread it and so on. But racism can be developed in a person through a bad experience or experiences with a certain race that leads them into racism.

Just ran into a retainer on FFXIV named Qubeley and I'm suddenly reminded of something awesome and totally unrelated: Gundam. Let's talk about Gundam instead of this fuck.
Qubeley was a mobile suit from Gundam for those HIDEOUSLY UNINFORMED ABOUT GUNDAM.
Now this person plugged some of their brilliant writings into that website that tells you who you write like and they write like Gertrude Stein, who wrote some fuck.
Incidentally it said I wrote like Mario Puzo (who wrote The Godfather) or H.P. Lovecraft so I clearly have it going on.
And here's what they have to say about Gertrude Stein:

...who is that?...

OTHER THINGS I DON'T KNOW:
WIKIPEDIA.ORG
GOOGLE.COM

If you were to write your autobiography, what would be the title?

"Holy Shit, What the Fuck and Other Incredible Tales"

If i wrote my own autobiography I think the title would be; "Written In Pen."

This is because my life is written in pen, I cannot erase to go back, I just keep writing.

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP no I like my title better.

I cannot see myself writing my own autobiography, I feel like I might end up glorifying or undermining myself in some way.

As opposed to AUTObiographies written by OTHER PEOPLE. Dope.

I wonder who would read my autobiography if it was published.

No one.

Would it become a mandatory English reading book in a school somewhere? I really wonder...

Considering your favorite form of punctuation is the ellipsis and you forget to capitalize "I" a good 66% of the time I'm guessing that it will not be very popular.
Remember the "what's your favorite rainy day snack" question?

I find this question kind of odd.

Not every question is odd, brosef. This one seems pretty pedestrian to me, actually.
Also my game decided to crash so here I am, giving this my full attention. Go me.
Oh and of course I reach the end of this blog too immediately as that happens. Fuck you, bloggers. The one time I want you to drone on you shut the fuck up.
Goddamn.

AWWWWWW YEAH, SON

Today was trying because I had to get level 50 before today's update otherwise I wouldn't have this picture to post and as it turns out there's maintenance and woah! Too much shit going on.
But fortunately I made my deadline. My goal was to have level 50 by the end of break and even though technically break has ended I've had snow days since it ended. This is probably going to be a controversial call for people playing along at home but I'm awarding myself full points for this victory. I made my deadline.
But there's no time to stare at level 50 video game brown girls: we have HERESY.
Here is today's writer's block:

What's your favorite snack for a rainy afternoon?

I'm amazed at how many people answered "grilled cheese and soup" because that's pretty much my entire lunch for a cold, rainy day but then again I'm not fat so who knows?

Cheese. Sometimes on bread. I really like cheese. It is pretty much the most delicious food category I have encountered.


I applied for a job today scanning pictures & stuff. I am pretty sure I have a good chance of getting hired, cos it's been on the job board for like a month even though it's the first job listed. It's minimum wage, which is suck, but ya know, what can ya do.

Already I'm kind of sad my game is about to go down for maintenance. How else will I blow off having to read dumb, boring shit?

I'm taking Cryptography and it's gonna be SO COOL o.o though I do have ALL THE MATH on MWF mornings (two hours of math!).

>Complaining about math
>taking cryptography
YOU DO REALIZE THAT'S JUST MORE MATH, RIGHT?
Okay here's her next post and I'm going to leave it all together so you can get some insight into what I have to deal with on a tri-weekly basis:

Safely (and sleepily) arrived in Rochester.

I have FOUR classes tomorrow o.o

All unpacked (the advantage to limiting my stuff).

nurr I miss terry being MY fuz so much :< I am such a dumb why did I ever break up with him

I have acquired a tambourine! :D

I no has bamboo D:

I feel like I need to take cryptography to successfully interpret this. What the hell are you on about you fucking nut?
Also I just kicked a motherfucker from my linkshell for doing the "NO CAN HAZ LOLZ XD" bullshit. Don't think I can't kick you in real life.

ha so that 'drabble a day' thing din't last very long, did it? butts

solution: write moar!

Also looking at your display picture: are you sure you're not really a man?

Drabble-and-a-quarter

She hates the graveyard shift most of all. The worst creeps come out at 3, 4 a.m. and leer drunkenly at her while they're buying their scattered groceries and snacks. One of them has gotten uncomfortably close, commenting lewdly upon her uniform.

What the hell am I writing?
Oh, a drabble, right. The lowest form of fiction there is. Let's see how much nonsense we can cram into 1000 words or less! Great in theory (I always appreciate brevity) but most people forget to have a point so whoops!

If he touches her... if he touches her... He touches her and quick as the blink of an eye she has his arm twisted up behind his back and he's on his knees and while she summons the police she reminds him, forcefully, that assaulting a security guard is serious business.

SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
Is it? I thought it was about as serious as assaulting anyone. Also I'd like to point out touching someone falls under "battery" but whatever, fine.

When he tries to cop a feel on the officer who cuffs him, she adds sexual harassment to the list and feels relieved as he leaves in the back of a car.

See you can't do that. "Running out of room, just cut to the end."
Here, let me write a drabble:
once upon a time,
the end.
Fuck yeah.
Wow there are more of these. I'm not reading this.
All right maybe one more.

Sometimes she listened to the voice in the back of her head. yes good When she did, although her friends avoided her, she felt better about herself for a little while. i'm good, i will be rewarded and i deserve it Never mind that she didn't understand what she was doing; it felt good. i should go to the pub, and find someone who looks like they understand Still, she didn't understand why the people who looked like they would understand her always lurked in the shadows, almost as if they hid. yesssss, talk to them Well, what the hell.

Let me just vomit up as many words as poorly as possible.
Seriously what the fuck was that about? Are you purposefully trying to piss me off?

happy birthday to meee


sorry, general existential malaise means you don't get an actual post

>actual post
>here's a post
Why bother?
"Gee gonna make a post on Livejournal, might as well make sure it's shitty."

I see a lot of writings around that either point out or take for granted that sexism (in particular the idea that women are less interesting or less important than men) is pervasive in popular culture and much of the time I can't see it very well unless I squint real hard... but then I think about the Bechdel Test. And I go "wait wtf is goin on here".

The Bechdel Test.
That's what I do when I write, incidentally: I make sure to focus on word count and tests. That's how I know I've TRULY CREATED A MASTERPIECE.

For the unfamiliar, a work of fiction will only pass the Bechdel Test if:
1. It has at least two women in it
2. Who talk to each other
3. About something besides a man.

Last story I wrote:
number of female characters: 0
Welp.
Sorry when you have badass fucking knights choking people out there's not a lot of time to listen to women whine about their periods OOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIIT YOU JUST GOT ICED.

You'd think this would not be difficult.

But think about it for a minute.

Let's see, The Odyssey fails I'm pretty sure because there are a lot of women characters but they don't talk to each other specifically so--
I'm not sure why that's important, come to think of it. There are plenty of women in that story who talk about other things. Why specifically to each other? Wouldn't a test truly looking at the equality of women want to see women speaking to a variety of people?
The Inferno-- actually The Inferno also fails because most of the time the characters are speaking specifically to Dante, a man.
The Count of Monte Cristo passes, however.
Or wait, does it?
Yes--
Well, there's a point where a girl talks about her father's business, does that count?
Sorry Homer, Dante and Alexander Dumas, you're not good authors according tot he Bechdel test. I know you had several hundred to several thousand years of "classic" status but I need to pull your cool club cards now.

I have just finished reading Catherynne Valente's newest book, released yesterday, The Habitation of the Blessed, volume one of a Dirge For Prester John.

Those of you unfamiliar with the story of Prester John can view an entertaining summary here.

Sounds stupid. You're stupid.

I read in order to escape the world. I want the world I read about to be one where everything will be set right in the end. I want the good guys to win, and I want the world to not be irreparably made less (less happy, less fantastical, less magical) because of the events of the story. I want a happy ending. These are the kinds of books I read, and read again, and love.

This is not that kind of book.

Am I the only person who just likes convincing endings? Happy or no is unimportant as long as it makes sense.
How's that for a test? How many books have a truly satisfying conclusion?
Think about that instead.

But I have read it, and will read it again, even though it hurts my heart. I will read the next book, and the next, even though they, too, will almost certainly tear up the roots of the world as I want it, so much, to be: kind, and fair to heroes, and unfair to villains.

I LIKE BORING STORIES WITH BLACK AND WHITE HEROES AND VILLAINS WHERE GOOD IS ALWAYS UNDENIABLY GOOD AND EVIL IRREVOCABLY VILE.

And I love it, because it is beautiful and harsh and fantastical and because it cuts at me in a way that I can bear, that is not painful until I stop to think about it.

>harsh
>good always good
Your head would explode if you saw Warhammer, goddamn.
Who are the good guys in Warhammer?
I guess it's technically the institution with a functioning inquisition that kills untold billions of innocent people on a regular basis simply because they suspect there might be some bad people mixed in.

There are no heroes, no villains, only people who desperately need to believe they are doing the right thing, even though they don't understand the world upon which they have stumbled, and who, in their ignorance, will cause the world to change,

Oh, so it's like real life.
Fuck that book, then.

Have you ever closed the door on an opportunity or a relationship in order to open another door, only to realize
you made the wrong choice? If so, how has it impacted your life?

IF SO, WHY?
Man, are we writing a test question or what?

On one level, definitely yes. Abandoning Terry for Adam seems, right now, to have been the absolutely wrong choice. I miss him terribly, my emotional stability is compromised, as a result my schoolwork is compromised, and all around it feels like a really crappy situation. At the moment that's the only thing I can pinpoint as feeling like the wrong choice... but during the beginning of my relationship with Terry, for instance, I thought that dating Andrew had been the wrong choice.

Wait-- who's Andrew?
So we have Terry, who she wanted (wants?) to be with, but she's with Adam, but while she was dating Terry she thought dating Andrew was the wrong choice-- I guess the "but during..." part throws me because "but" usually sets up a contrast and in this case just further shows why she thinks Terry was "the one".
This is also further proof that people will do whatever they think at that second and then justify it later in their own minds, future ramifications be damned.
SELF CONTROL, PEOPLE.

On another level... We are not given to know what would have happened. I think that ultimately none of the crappy experiences in my life have been enough to permanently weaken me, if I do not choose to be weakened.

Oh my God, really?
Someone taking personal responsibility on Livejournal?
Really?
Am I really reading this right?

I have my first rehearsal for Emperor of the Moon tonight and a math test tomorrow morning at 8 am, so naturally I'm procrastinating on my homework by going on LJ.

the Emperor of the Moon--
Well, same Emperor as the one on Earth, I guess. THE EMPEROR OF MAN.
Of course in Warhammer we use proper Latin terms for planets: Luna and Terra, respectively.
FOR TERRA.

Linguistics, as always, is non-negotiable, because I really really enjoy linguistics in general. Language is awesome; my brain runs on language.

Just your brain, though. You invented language.
We've been grunting at each other up until you came.

Should've done this a while ago. Unfortunately, I've been kind of in a state of mental/emotional upset for quite a while.

I wrote and performed a solitary Fall Equinox ritual at ~2:30am, Sept 23d.

God, what?

I did the ritual in my room, with illicit candles, because it was really the only place on campus I would feel safe doing any kind of rite.

I tried to adhere to the Core Order of Ritual. The culture was basically Roman, as I called on Janus as the Gate-keeper and Discordia as my patron, but I didn't really do a seasonal offering or any other gods-of-the-occasion.

Yeah you fucked up. Just invoke ZEUS THE ALL-FATHER and be done with it.
I know he's not technically "Roman" so just call him Jupiter if it makes you feel better.
Fuck.

All I gave in offering, which I gave for every piece of offering, was what wound up being around half a bottle of beer.

I don't pray to Zeus, though.

Adam's got a girl now who isn't me (only the past few days, else I'd have to hurt him). :/

Adam, playa.

Part Of Brain 1: I've liked Adam since last October or thereabouts; I can wait a little longer.

POB 2: I want a boy who'll give me affections NOW, not in two months. :|

You should hook up with me. I'm affectionate.
Just kidding not interested in lady bros. Ha, ha, ha.

"[T]he word 'medium' has a special aura to it. It evokes dozens of rich images, among them these:

The middle, or:
something by which something else is transmitted (as in a fluid medium).
Also, see also: medias.
I guess that is rich!

a wrist-flick pulse snaking its way down the twisty coils of a horizontally suspended Slinky;

Err, if you say so.

glittering circular patterns of ripples passing silently through each other on the windless surface of a pond; sound waves emanating from a sharp snap of the fingers and propagating through the air as ever-growing spheres; a series of red flashes zooming countercurrent down a jammed freeway when one alarmed motorist slams hard on the brake and in a long wake behind, as predictably as toppling dominos, one car after another reacts in like fashion; quantum vortices

We call this "purple prose" in the business and it's a sure sign you fucked up.
I'M DESCRIBING SHIT, YO.
Oh fuck me, this is a quote from someone. Shut the fuck up you bag of wind.
Here's her Lughnassadh ritual (isn't that the noise you make when you sneeze? [haven't I already made this joke somehow?]):

We did the ritual at the fire circle out behind the First UU Church of Ann Arbor at, oh, 1 am. G'damn, we are persistent. (Barbara had just moved into her apartment today.) The ritual was roughly Celtic and was ADF-style. We even had the Core Order writ down, and Barbara had to keep crouching by her lantern to read it.

The three of us each took a part of the purification - David land, I sea, Barbara sky. Then I initiated the rite by playing a lil tune on my recorder. We honored the Earth mother by sort of saying hi awkwardly, since we hadn't really brought anything for her.

I just made a deal with Zeus: I wouldn't do anything douchey like this in his name and he wouldn't ask me for anything.
Works out well.

I invited the ancestors (of blood and spirit),

I dunno what you're on about but this sounds like heresy to me.

Current, inevitable conclusion about The Michael Thing (so now I can shut up about him for another ten months): there are 25 gazillion reasons that, even if we were able and he was willing, I should not pursue him, mostly to do with decommissioning old, emo-ful neural pathways.

What the fuck?
Am I the only person who asks a girl out and when she says no I just say "welp" and that's the end of it?

Terry was like 'are you overanalyzing?' and I was like 'well, my conclusion is both unpleasant and emo-minimizing, so probly I'm thinking somewhere around the right amount.'

"No, fuck her. She'll never know what she said no to."
THE END.

Why? Because my boyfriend is probably not capable of being in a relationship with a girl who is poly.

Who is what?
Ugh, forget it. I ended up doing something else for an hour and now I've lost my spot.

Let's-- excuse me?

So I finally got around to getting and playing that Dawn of War II expansion, Chaos Rising. I'm really confused at some of the moral choices I have to make. At one point in the third mission you can bust down a gate or jump over it and lower it. The logic being CHAOS SCUM would destroy the gate while a good loyalist would jump the gate and bring it down safely so it can provide security for THE SERVANTS OF THE EMPEROR in the future.
Well I don't have any jump troops so I had to bust it down and the game calls me corrupt for doing so.
WELL EXCUUUUUUSE ME FOR NOT LETTING THE IMPERIAL GUARD GET HAPLESSLY SLAUGHTERED WHILE I STAND THERE LIKE A LUMMOX. Then I got an additional point of corruption for picking up a meltagun that apparently is corrupting somehow. I guess the logic is anything Chaos uses would be corrupt but the heavy bolter I recovered from a Havoc has purity points so-- God, no, no, let's not get into this.
Anyway here's some blog I have no clue what's going on.

I am St. Gabriel Gaḇrîʼēl the Archangel, Strength of God, Divine Messenger, One of the Seven who Stand before the Lord, Chief of the Angelic Guards of Paradise, Bringer of the Word of Truth, Angel of the Power of God, Angel of Birth and Mercy, Angel of Death over Kings, Prince of Ice and Thunder, and Maker of Changes.

>Maker of Changes
CHAOS.
Also: I'm about to view content not appropriate for minors.

OOC: Some RL things have become a little complicated. I'm working on it, but I'm not in the best of states and may not be able to reply to threads at my usual pace. I will definitely try my best, though. I'm sorry. <3

OOC for those of you blessedly ignorant of all things douchey on the internet stands for "out of character".
(+1 corruption point for you now. Even knowledge of Chaos corrupts.)
Ready for some Christian fanfiction?
I never thought I'd say those two words together but here we are.

The end happens in winter. It is strangely fitting, after all; winter is death, but this time there are no hidden seeds of new life that will bloom in time.

DEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

Gabriel had once complained about Christmas; it was supposed to be a holy day, a celebration of the birth of the Saviour, and now it was a celebration of mass consumerism and greed and gluttony and it wasn’t even the right day.

Wasn't Gabriel the affable angel, according to Milton?
I'm pretty sure he's the one that tells Adam that there's a bad man amidst the Garden of Eden so BE ON ALERT and Adam like any good child promptly forgets and does the exact opposite of what he's told. I somehow doubt he'd be standing here all emo and shit.

He had been wrong; humans weren’t entirely stupid. They’d recognised the signs and the catastrophes, the mass miracles and massacres. They’d recognised that they were caught in the middle of a war. Churches had never been fuller, and on Christmas Eve, Gabriel stood unseen in a church for a while and watched as everyone prayed for mercy, for forgiveness, for salvation.

I'm praying for it to never stop snowing. From now until April I want the Northern Hemisphere to be blanketed with ice and snow.
For one thousand and one years we will be bathed in the storms of the Warp.

He had always assumed that Heaven would win. He holds on to that belief now, as casualties mount on both sides. Faith was hard to come by these days, after all; you treasured what little you had.

SEMICOLONS. SEMICOLONS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN PERCEIVE.
This is literally the most cliched thing I've read in about 20 days.

With the freak snowstorms and floods and hurricanes battering most of the globe, and with the fallout from all the skirmishes, the human population has dramatically lessened.

Goddamn you even make the acid trip that is the Book of Revelation boring. Isn't this about the point where 1/3rd of the waters are turning to blood and there are poxes and rashes and shit?

[00:52] SavioBriion: :O
[00:52] SavioBriion: :O :O :O :O :O
[00:52] Bird: <3
[00:52] SavioBriion: it is an accurate depiction of my face right now
[00:52] Bird: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
[00:52] SavioBriion: *GLOMP*

Oh God no.

... I can deal with the portrayal of myself as blonde and carrying what appears to be a duckling. I can even overlook the star tiara. However, there is a common misconception about me that I would like to clear up.

I am not "the only female archangel". There are quite a few angels who have chosen to assume female form, and I am not one of them. I'm genderless, and usually appear to be male; while I have the ability to assume a female form, I have done so about twice or thrice, for very brief occasions, during my millennia on Earth. However, for all intents and purposes, I am currently male.

I've seen some shit in my time but this is definitely up there. I seem to recall a second blog many, many years ago I reviewed where someone was writing fanfiction about archangels and I called her a cunt and we had a bit of a laugh and all that. This entry, however, is just about one thing: PAIN.

Your LiveJournal account for user "cattygabriel" has been credited with the
following add-on:

- Extra Userpics (1 package) - 2 months

...

Userpics: You've uploaded 32 of 102 total

So let me see if I understand this correctly: you have to pay Livejournal to upload avatars?
And people take advantage of this service?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

... EEEEEEEEE...

*FLYINGTACKLEGLOMP*

Oh God.
... Literally, "oh God."

Uri-mun, you are wonderful and I'm sorry I took a while to post this, but this is just a reminder that you have my undying gratitude and I am your willing slave. >:3

Well this took a turn for the kinky.
CORRUPTION.
CORRUPTION ABOUND.

What is your fondest childhood memory of your father or grandfather?

Please be a normal answer.

When I was first brought into being, before Time was a concept, even before the Silver City existed, I could feel my Father. I could sense His Presence as a flame within me, and the sensation of being safe, warm and loved.

Welp.

This is Gabriel as a female. Warning: one of the pictures shows her in... lingerie. Hence the cut.

I'd be embarrassed to come up with 1. a fanfiction based on Christian mythology and 2. put gender-bending archangels in it.

Gabriel had neglected his duties for far too long. His assistants took care of his paperwork when he was away, of course, but he often felt guilty about it on his return.

Paperwork--
This is a severely fucked up cosmology.

Today:
[12:30] SavioBriion: YUBI SHINES
[12:30] Star Spiritgate: Yeeees?
[12:30] SavioBriion: WHY THE ANONYMITY?
[12:30] SavioBriion: *FLYINGTACKLEGLOMP* *LICKLICKLICK*
[12:30] SavioBriion: <3 <3 <3
[12:31] SavioBriion: THANK YOU SO MUCH!
[12:31] Star Spiritgate: XD;;;;; You're welcome
[12:31] SavioBriion: *glompsnuggle* Anything you want? Fic? "Art"?
[12:32] SavioBriion: Favours that shall not be spoken of in public? >:3

Holy shit.
Hold on I think the greatest douche shiver of all might turn into a full-on seizure.
This is so bad I'm having a douche seizure.

Has someone you loved and respected ever done something you consider despicable? If so, how did you deal with it? Did you try to forgive them? Did it permanently change your feelings for them?

I don't even remember these writer's blocks.

I loved Lucifer very much, once; he was my closest friend, and I also respected him as His Second and the leader of the Host. He was the bright Morningstar; his name, Lucifer, meant Light-Bringer, and he was truly the highest, most glorious angel in Heaven.

And then he defied our Father,

Nowhere in the Bible does it say Lucifer is Satan. That is a much later invention.

and Fell, and took a third of the Host with him.

The "one third of the Angelic Host" thing was an invention of Milton too, incidentally.

Speaking of Gifts, THANK YOU so much for the Lemur! He will keep Fella very good company <3>
People actually buy that clipart for other people?
Man, fuck.
All these businesses that work so hard on advertising and marketing and shit don't need to be working that hard.

It is warm and humid, and the heat is not helped by the huge bonfire burning in the middle of the town. A scrap of mulberry-bark paper escapes the fires, flying up towards the pale young man in priest’s robes standing nearby. The Archangel Gabriel catches it and stares at the half-hieroglyph still visible and wonders: how much knowledge, how much Mayan culture has already been burnt?

Not that I'm making excuses for the Conquistadors but they did preserve a lot of the Mayan culture in their own writings because Mayan writing may not have been a full writing system.
Wow what ensues is the biggest strawman argument ever.
This is terrible, goddamn. You'd think after this long at writing you'd at least improve a little bit.

Disclaimer: Gabriel and Lucifer are characters from the Bible I like to write about.

Oh is that right?

Warning: Hints of homosexuality, though technically angels are sexless.

I should link this to a conservative Christfag website, sit back and watch the flames.

Contrary to popular belief, the desert was not always a land of blistering heat and scorching sands. In fact, it was rather cool during the dawn and dusk, and at night.

>rather cool
>subzero
Yeah I guess.

It was not dusk yet, however, and Gabriel squinted against the sun, more for the benefit of the girl at his side than because it hurt his eyes.

“This is reckless and dangerous, Sultana,” he murmured.

As opposed to reckless and perfectly safe, or dangerous but careful.

“You help me escape my other minders, and then warn me? You are a conflicted man, Jibril.” Sultana’s tone was light, teasing, as she brushed off some sand clinging to the silver embroidery on Gabriel’s blue robes. Then she reached up to her veil. Gabriel caught her hand.

Gabriel, playa. Getting the DBGs.

“Not only are you alone with a man, you are removing your veil? Do you want to be stoned?”

Yes because all Muslims historically stoned women.
Christ all mighty.

Sultana pulled away, tugging off the veil and headscarf, tossing her long thick hair defiantly, and her dark eyes flashed. “Being stoned would be worth this one moment of freedom.

Very American view on life.
And what follows is WORDS WORDS WORDS.
Well I think that's it because I'm not seriously reading fanfiction and that's all that follows.
Also: PRAISE BE TO THE EMPEROR, SNOW IS UPON US.

Let's whine!

Leves reset in approximately 5 hours and I have nothing better to do until then unless I want to SLAUGHTER PUKS UNTIL MY EYES UNFOCUS LIKE LAST NIGHT but I don't. Also my break is ending and I have to go back to my horrible high school and teach assholes incapable of learning elementary English in three days. :(
But mostly I have to get up early. That's my real problem with all this.
Here's some whining cunt, I dunno.
Actually grinding puks for cotton bolls and wind shards isn't that bad. It's entertaining in a mindless sort of way.

What food would you never put in your mouth for any reason, and why?

Pretty much 90% of every kind of food I see.

i dont think i could ever eat a rats head.

I don't think that's a food.

in thailand its used to be a favorite street corner snack, until it was one of the causes of an ebola outbreak.

Spoke too soon. Adding Thailand to my list of "places to avoid" incidentally, Christ all mighty. If you eat rat heads you take whatever you get.

but besides that, i just dont think i could ever mentally stomach the idea of eating one.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say any part of the rat I can't imagine eating.

i think after hearing the crunching sound of the skull i puke up everything thats in my stomach

People of Thailand: I hear there's this incredible invention called the domesticated chicken. Look into it sometime.
Here's a posted called "losing it" and I had to agree about 5 times I'm 14 years or older. This is kind of unusual because the entire blog isn't like this, just this one specific post.
Can you imagine if movies were like this?
THIS MOVIE IS PG BUT FOR THIS ONE PARTICULAR SCENE YOU HAVE TO AGREE YOU ARE 14 AVERT YOUR GAZE IF YOU ARE UNDER 14.

its been a long time again since we last spoke and im losing my mind.

I love it when bloggers say "since we last spoke" like I'm just knocking on her door on the internet.
"Oh hi, come on in and let me pour you some Kool-Aid and let's talk about my shitty blog."

i just dont know how to keep it together anymore. im fucking losing it and i feel like im either gonna hurt someone or have to be committed.

Hey, hey I agreed for some PG-13 content. "Fuck" is definitely an R rating.

im just fucking losing it and i cant get a grip on my mind anymore, fuck. i feel like putting my head through a wall and killing myself cause i dont know how to deal with anything anymore.

Well I see a "kill yourself" tag in your future.

just wish some fucking miracle would happen and save me from everything.

"The Lord helps those who help themselves" I believe the Bible says.

i dont think those fucking doctors were right about me not being bi-polar.

Fucking doctors giving me meds that take the edge off but don't do anything for me--
wow you are fucking crazy.

i was thinking about the band i wanna try out for and where that would go and i was also thinking about getting a job to make money and pay for things.

... Speaking of how crazy I am: the job I want.
I just got whiplash from that abrupt change of topics, Jesus.
You probably can't tell because of the way I chop the text up but this is the very next sentence. There's not even a paragraph break. Fuck, she even forgot the space between the period and the next word.

im having a hard time concentrating again. i got the music playing and the tv on to try and help keep me focused.

To ensure I can concentrate I have as many distracting things as I can surrounding me.

i work best that way being ADD.

ADD and bipolar. You are a mess. I have a novel idea: stop fucking thinking of yourself for ten goddamn minutes.

i just really dont know what to do with my life anymore. i wish i could just kill myself and make it easy or just fucking start all over again some way.

People who always talk about killing themselves never do it (I'm just trying to goad you into doing it).

i dont know how to deal with anything and i need my friends so bad. i just fucking want someone here with me or someone to fucking call me for a fucking change.

You know "fuck" only adds emphasis to a word so many times in a row before it loses its impact. You have to let it cool for a bit.

im thinking out of context again, wishing for a better dream in the future. some guy harassing me while im on a movie set about my father and i kick his ass and hold him for citizens arrest.

What the fuck?
Settle down now, wacky.

im trying to calm down and keep it together but its just so fucking hard to. i feel like i should just fucking give up on everything and die somewhere far away from here.

Also, note to future self: Wish You Were Here, So Far Away
HA.

im such a fucking cry for help and attention but i feel its always been that way.

Ho-boy. Yawn.
What a fucking whiny bitch you are, goddamn.

so last night i saw of picture of her kissing her boyfriend again. and just like that it set me off and i immediately got depressed and angry. thank god it wasnt as bad as last time but it was still pretty bad. it only lets me know how much she really does love him and then my skin starts to boil with hatred for this guy.

... Surely this isn't a guy?

i just want her back and i know shes never coming back.

No, I need assurance this is not a man.

i'll always be that guy to her.

This is seriously the most shocked I've been at the gender of a person in a long time on this blog.

just another page in her book. but shes forever burned into the back of my mind and on my heart and i cant ever get rid of the memory of her.

Time to get over it, pusscakes. I know she broke your heart but your goal should be to make her write this whining post about you instead of the other way around next time.
Also while I was digging through my image folder I found an early beta version of my FFXIV character (I know I'm the only person who cares but whatever):

She sure was dark back then.
I guess she's still a delicious brown color but definitely more red than blue now.
Also bintier haircut back then because I didn't know it was the archetypal bint haircut and I thought she just had bangs and it was shorter in the back or like some kind of pageboy haircut :(
Ah, those were good times.

i dont understand why its so hard for me to make and keep friends. why is this a problem that ive been struggling with all my life? its not fair at all!

Oh my God dude. This reads like Hope whining in FFXIII, I'm dead fucking serious. You are the whiniest person I've ever read on Livejournal and that is saying a ton.

im tired of being alone and i just want people that will talk to me and hang out with me! it that so much to ask for!?

Considering I'd fucking punch you if we hung out I think you're better off in isolation.

or better yet, how is it that my brother can make such could lifelong friends that he has and there have never been any problems with any of them.

Because your brother is a cool dude, apparently.
How the fuck is it I hate people and can make friends? Where did you go so horribly wrong, friend?
Oh right, I don't whine incessantly and at least try to be interesting and charming.

why is it so hard for me just to make so real friends? real and good friends? why cant i talk to my best friend more?

All right bro some fucking free advice: fuck friends, fuck all that bro shit, you don't need any of it. What you need to do is cruise on down to the motherfucking Olive Garden, find the most delicious (brown is optional) waitress and you need to make time with her.

i feel like im slipping away from him and maybe that he doesnt feel like we're best friends as much as we used to be. i dont know what would happen if i lost his friendship.

PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING OLDER AND YOUR FRIEND FINDS HIMSELF WITH A JOB AND MAYBE A GIRLFRIEND AND LIFE OBLIGATIONS.

everything is always good when we're in person. but we cant just talk on the phone like regular people.

Most men I know don't talk on the phone like fucking women. They call, they make plans, and that's the end of it.

im just so fucking tired of always being alone up here and having no one to talk to. and im fucking tired of all the people up here that ive tried to be friends with. my fucking neighbors are still right next to use and i havent heard anything out of them for about 10 months now. some great fucking people they are.

Know how many times I've spoken to my neighbors since I moved here?
NO TIMES.

i hate always crying and being the emotional type lol

Oh my God dude, really?

lets see where to begin on this one. im not sure where to start myself. i just need to get this out cause it pisses me off.

I found the entire Skyrim theme song that they use in the trailer on its own in Mp3 format. You need to listen to it a few times I think, my good faggot.
It's about making blood oaths and fighting to the death and killing dragons and shit.
Just a little manliness to balance your otherwise pussy self out.
It's also 1:30 because it's modeled after old songs and back in the day they knew how to say what they meant and then shut the fuck up.
Something we should all strive to emulate I feel.

so apparently ive lost another friend...again. i hate the state of the way things are done in this world today. its all internet without any earthly human confrontation today. it leaves us all to be cowards.

Did you just accuse me of cowardice you mealymouthed worm?
I will fucking fight you over such an accusation.

hi its me again. its been a while since we've talked.

Hi, just me knocking on your door. Door to your house. House on the internet.

it started with my birthday. i was stuck here with no money and no friends to take me out on my birthday to have fun.

No one cares. Go to work.

i loathed the days upcoming to my birthday cause my past birthdays have been ruined by her.

Days leading up to my birthday are exciting. ANOTHER YEAR GONE, ANOTHER YEAR TO CONQUER.
Oh shit he just updated. This rarely happens so let's REWIND YO and read.

i dont really know how to start this but everything is just a mess again. im out at starbucks writing this time cause i think mom is gonna kick me out. im sorry that i cant control my anger but everything just continues to get worse here.

I can't control my anger nothing is ever my fault but other people are cowards ;_;

i had big plans to leave and go leave in texas with my grandparents but oh wait im guilible and he has alzhiemers and doesnt really have any money to help me out or put me through college.

Then you get student loans and you get a job and put yourself through college, goddamn.

just another stupid plan that fell through cause im too stupid and wont grow a fucking pair and just up and leave this place. and stupid fucking jen was supposed to call me last night and she even fucking promised that she would. i swear im never gonna be fucking able to trust people again. i know we've both been fucking playing games with each other but dammit a fucking promise is a promise.

Yeah. A promise is a promise. First manly thing you've said all blog but it was in reference to what someone else should do.

i think im getting ahead of myself again, feeling a little narsasistic but then again arent we all.

NO, FUCK YOU.
the only times i find myself not thinking is when im playing WoW now which ive got hooked on.
I enjoy this sentence for several reasons:
1. is anyone surprised this guy plays WoW?
2. playing WoW takes literally no thought at all.
Ho, ho, ho. I feel like I just got a look into the average WoW player's life.

she told me today if you wanna take off the just take off.

Taking my pants off, baby and when I do there can be no stopping THE PYTHON.
Hooo, goodness. I'm officially up to his first entry where his location is "his room" and his mood is "lonely :("
What a pussy, goddamn.