OH MY FUCK LIVEJOURNAL COME ON MAN

Well they finally redid the Livejournal user interface and needless to say it's fucking shit.
The news post about this says a lot of shit that, to me, basically boils down like this: "WE MADE IT A LOT EASIER TO ORDER SHIT FROM OUR SHOP BUT SCALED THE USABILITY BACK ON EVERYTHING ELSE."Holy shit. You idiots do realize usability isn't a finite resource and you can make everything convenient, right?
Anyway I managed to analyze, adapt and overcome or whatever that series of actions is.
So here we go for our blog today: Love Keiko. I wonder if that's her signing a letter or an imperative sentence. LOVE KEIKO, NOW!
Either way not happening, but we'll see how this goes.

whoever said art school is easy, well screw them. it's HARD and damn expensive.

And won't get me a job in anything. Oh, and if I'm really good at it I don't really need a degree in it in the first place.
... Wait, why am I majoring in art again?

which totally sucks cause in most universities, the arts school gets the lowest end of the budget. but i'm adjusting.

Don't want to hear it from you fags. Litfags, sociologyfags and nursefags all share one building at my university while you art idiots get to stretch out in three cushy buildings.
I mean I guess I can see sociology and literature sharing a building (it's virtually the same thing when you think about it) but at least give the people who are going to be giving people shots and other important shit their own space to think.

met some totally awesome people. which is SO weird how much easier it is to make friends in college than in high school.

Let's see. High school, where you are forced to attend and everyone is raging jackass versus college where it's optional and most people are there by choice. Yeah, real surprising it's easier to make friends in college.

i guess cause here i have a clean slate so it's not like anyone can hold 6th grade drama against me. that's a good thing, ne?

>ne
>her name is Keiko
not sure if I should be angry at this.All right I'm going to cut you some slack here but I'm watching you. Scum.

i feel like shit right now. and here's why:

so i was crossing the street out of a development into another lane (try to picture it). i guess my turn was a little too wide---either way the guy next to me was DEFINATELY speeding and our cars brushed each other. BRUSHED!

No you have it backwards. Your turn wasn't too wide, he was too far into your lane. His fault, don't know what to tell him.

i started waving and apologizing but he started cursing and pulled over so i did too. i apologized and said it was an accident but he started cursing and yelling at me!

Keep driving. Don't look back.

but desperate times called for desperate measure so i started begging him not to call.

Go ahead and call, asshole. All the cops are going to do is confirm you're in the wrong. But go ahead and make a jackass of yourself.Man girls are dumb.

my class was lazy as hell so many are going to community colleges. I SURE AS HELL am getting the hell up out my house (thank GOD!)

>community college
>lazy
Yeah have fun paying thousands to take English 101.

it's amazing how the ppl who were your BFF in middle school---how now you hate their guts--and the ppl you never knew before are now your BFF--and with growing up with so many diff. ppl, how many you really didn't get to know.

... DEEEEEEEP. Putz.

and even THAT isn't enough because i have relatives from nigeria LIVING down here!Relatives from Nigeria.

So this is a black girl I guess?
Weeaboo implies white, so-- WHAT'S THE TERM FOR THIS OH JESUS CHRIST HELP.
Also now I can officially rage at you throwing Japanese words into your English, even though you haven't done it since.
You're a crafty one.

then like very classic ghetto wannabe black girl she got loud with me and i got loud back.

Oh, classy.

i mean, it wasn't even that serious. i wasn't mad because i didn't take it to heart.

Ain't even mad, etc.
Oh, joke's on me: all these posts are from 2007. Fucking new Livejournal, I tell you.
Anyway none of this is important. What is important is check this shit out:You mean I can drink from my official FFXIV cup while playing FFXIV while watching the official FFXIV commentary while reading my official FFXIV map all while my character wears this:I'll take 15!
Also look at that fucking cover, goddamn. They finally got the people who know how to make video games back.
Oh looks like it's coming out on the PC first. Glad I got 4500~ on the benchmark, woooooo--

Decisions

Which blog do I pick? The one with the self-indulgent cunt, or the one with the self-indulgent cunt? At times like this I like to throw my fate to the wind and let dice decide what I do. So, let's say odds is cunt 1 and evens is cunt 2. Cunt two it is.
Perhaps this is for the best because I don't really know what cunt 1 was on about. Some sort of life coach nonsense who even can tell what goes on?
I'm skipping the first entry because it's so incredibly boring and stupid I can't read three words without my eyes crossing.

I belong to the natural living community. One of the topics recently was alternatives to deodorant, which I am always interested in.

My life has been reduced to this. Sitting here on a Monday afternoon reading about people talk about alternatives to deodorant.

One person suggested a vinegar rinse, followed by baking soda.

... Let's see, acid + base =WHAT IS WRONG WITH REGULAR DEODORANT?

I've been meaning to post this for a few weeks, and a conversation I had with Ed yesterday just reminded me.

I'm finally comfortable enough in my own skin to say that I don't believe in Christianity as such. Or as practiced, I suppose.

WOOOOW.

I do believe in something greater than myself, and if you want to call it God, by all means, I'm okay with that.

HEAR THAT, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE OF THE WORLD? SHE'S OKAY WITH THAT.
YOU HAVE HER APPROVAL.

Now, one thing I adore is worship music. I don't know why, but I do. I've been spoiled in that I've gone to churches with amazing choirs. I consider the sermon to be sort of the admission price to be able to hear the music. Now, I DO try to glean what I can out of the service...but I mostly enjoy the music.

It is almost unreal how uninteresting you are.

I think back to my grandfather, and his "walk out if it's not right" message. And sadly, walking out seems to be infinitely easier when you're a teen, and not when you're a grown woman brought up to be pleasing. I couldn't do it. Or, I DIDN'T do it. I let myself down.

Holy shit, what is happening?
Oh, oh that's right. I'm reading a blog to review, apparently.
If there is an afterlife this is what it's like for all eternity. "Oh, oh apparently I'm dead. I'm just kind of sitting here, not really sure what's happening and not really all that interested~"

Rhys and I are on a bland diet. Mostly white rice.

No way. You, bland?

One of my sisters hurt my feelings, and then an uncle hurt hers, so I forgot about my feelings to take care of her. I'll have to come back to that. BUT, it makes me realize that I don't know if facebook is worth it. Too much drama. And viruses.

Viruses on Facebook.
What the fuck.

Yesterday I had to go shopping. I've looked everywhere for kombu, a type of seaweed.

Go to your local Korean market you putz.
Try not to make being white a stigma for the rest of us.

Everywhere except the obvious place, the Asian market that I always forget is here because I can't ever find it. So I say, "Children, we are going to the Asian market, and then the health food store." My children LOVE the health food store. They enjoy the bulk bins.

I don't even know what
What is wrong with these people?

Abbey says, "Mama, why are we going to the Asian market?"

"Because I need kombu."
"But Mama, we aren't Asian!"

It's not like you need a membership. It's America I'm pretty sure you're free to shop wherever you want.

All of the sudden, Abbey starts FREAKING OUT and she is nearly crying.

"What's wrong, Crab?" I ask, as you do in this situation.

"MAMA, THEY'RE SELLING COOKED HANDS HERE!!!"

What?

... It's just ginger you fucking idiot.

She's pointing frantically at the produce. I'm trying to calm her down and figure out what she's talking about. Suddenly, I see.
"Ooooooh. Abbey, that's called ginger root. It's not cooked hands." I am lazy and buy ginger in a jar.

So that's why all three times I've gone to the Korean market I've gotten weird looks. Makes sense now. People before me acting like COMPLETE IDIOTS. Also note the last sentence has no connection to any of the previous thoughts. That's the way it's written, too. There is no editing on my part. Yeah.

Do you give your vehicles names? If so, what are they?

Yeah. I call my car "Brain Wounder" WATCH THE FUCK OUT, PEDESTRIAN.

I am so stressed out right now, I don't want to do anything.

I've entered rage mode since I started reading your blog. I AM MAD AS FUCK, STAND BACK.

This morning the font size on my computer was really tiny. So I asked Shane to come fix it. He came over, looked at it,and said it was a problem with the internet and he couldn't do anything about it.

Christ, dumb leading the stupid. Ctrl+0, idiots.

Whenever something is wrong with me, I like to assume I have the Worst Case Scenario.

Currently I'm pretending I had my inner ear replaced with the shit space marines have in their ears so they don't get dizzy and can't hear white noise.
That explains the splitting pain I get when I sneeze, I'm sure.

The thing about Abbey is, during her language development/learning to speak/important formative years, she lived in Louisiana.

NO EXCUSE.

So Abbey has this...accent, that sometimes makes it hard for friends and family to understand her. Last night she combined her big accent with her bad grammar and incorrect word choice and came out with a sentence that I couldn't get.

YOUR CHILD IS STUPID. SHE IS NOT SPECIAL. SHE IS BELOW AVERAGE.

We were on our way to the movie and she said, "Tomorrow, can you run me a fever and go online? I have a Barbie Pink Party code."

... Favor?

"I'm sorry?"
"Tomorrow, can you run me a fever?"
"What? I don't understand."
"You know, when you do something for someone? I think it's called a fever."
"Oh! DO you a FAVOR! Oh!"

Spend less time sassing off on the internet and more time teaching your children how to speak properly. How is it I've met people who speak English as a second (or third, or even fourth) language and manage better than you idiots?
Well that's it I'm done with this fuck.
Also: happy 300th post to me about 3 posts ago~

It has finally come full circle

What the fuck is LoudTwitter? Well, it's apparently a program that automatically uploads your twats (err, tweets) to Livejournal. Great. Don't have anything to say? Post your bullshit nonsense everywhere!
Twitter is already pretty loud so faced with the idea of an even louder Twitter is pretty embarrassing for everyone involved, actually. Fortunately for everyone reading this, though, I have found the one person who has yet to discover LoudTwitter. Behold: Jack the pussy.
First thing he wants to do is talk about his feelings and I can already see an "all guys with blogs are gay" tag going in the tags.

I've thought about taking a class in filmmaking, but my friends tell me it's not what I'll like. One of them said that he dropped out of one because it didn't go in depth on what makes good film,

If you need to take a class to tell you what makes a good movie I don't think you're looking at a future in film making.
There's this thing-- and after reading Livejournal you might be forgiven for thinking this doesn't exist-- called creativity, and you can use this to make things from your brain reality, and you don't even need a college to tell you what to do.
Sometimes, very rarely, an individual will have what they call "genius" and his or her ideas are especially good or inspired.

One of my guy friends had the nerve to say, "Oh come on, it's not that bad. If dudes had periods we wouldn't be complaining."

I don't know if I had blood pouring out of my dick I might be complaining.
I mean, it has never happened (and I hope it never does) but if it did I'd at least be a little concerned.

"YOU KNOW WHAT MOTHERFUCKER? IF MEN HAD PERIODS THE SUICIDE RATE WOULD SKYROCKET OUT OF YOUR ASSES BECAUSE NONE OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT DIPFUCKS

All right settle down, Christ.
Are you sure you're not a girl?

Speaking of mothers mine mentioned to someone in the family, someone who suddenly seems to give a shit about my mom enough to go over her house and talk to her, that I liked girls.

Well I think after reading this we all know she is horrifically mistaken.

Now, I've made no effort to conceal my sexuality from anyone. Be it family or friends. I don't feel I owe anyone a "coming out" speech.

Nor should anyone require one to figure you out. It's like asking if that four-legged animal over there licking his balls is a dog. You just kind of understand what it is intrinsically.

I have inhaled Twilight. I have consumed New Moon. I have absorbed Eclipse. And now, I have tamed the ravenous beast known only as....Breaking Dawn.

All right, bro. You're gay, not a 16 year old girl.

The question is not did you read, but did you convert?

Convert to what, Twilight cult?
I remember back in the good old days when vampires were creepy leeches who needed killing.

Has Dawn really broken? Yes, Dawn broke. Dawn broke so hard that Chuck Norris is somewhere in Texas

Chuck Norris joke avert your gaze!
Whew. Here's how Chuck Norris jokes work, you unfunny cunts: they're like Medusa. Anyone who reads one immediately has their sense of humor turned to stone and they can never laugh at another joke again because the weight of the unfunny, internet meme-generated bullshit will always be there.

The Dream: To become a published Author. How's it looking? With the current trend in the Young Adult market, I feel like my trilogy has no place in it. Despite technically being YA. A lot of my writer friends feel the same way about their stories.

I can't imagine reading an entire book written by you. I'm only three entries into your blog and I almost have a headache already.

Are they YA? Yes. Is it urban fantasy? Yes. Is it in a high school setting? Yes. Is there romance? Yes. Is it between a really really super hot guy and a beautiful but plain girl who's the quiet outcast? Um...no.

And therein lies the rub.

Remember when books could be about things and when you read them you didn't want to die?
I miss that.
Oh apparently this is a girl. She's a lesbian.
Jack the lesbian.
Man the internet is hard to figure out.
Well I guess all guys with blogs aren't gay when they're actually women.

I would like to take a moment to talk about a writer's constant companion: The Muse.

Oh fuck me.

Every writer has a muse, they have one form or another.

Oh is that right?

Each are unique to different people.

How the fuck is it Homer, Virgil, Dante, John Milton and Dan Brown all invoke the same muse and yet all of you assholes need your own muse now?

They're the only employee we have that will work when they want to, constantly argue about which story to write first, and will frequently walk off the job when we really need them the most.

Most of the writers I just mentioned considered themselves employees of the muse, no the other way around.
I think if I were to read what they said in a psychoanalytic way I might say they understood their idea was unusual and it was probably the best one they had in them so they better spend it wisely and not be a raving jackass on Livejournal about it.
Just a thought for you twits.

My Muse, takes the form of some kind of Meerkat/Mutated Rabbit. I don't know, he came to me when I was 14, and he hasn't left me alone since. His name is Buddy.

What.

This is a typical work day for us.....


"I need you to start working over time, it's NaNo month."

"No."

"Fine! Then I'll find someone else!"

"Oh really? You're gonna find someone who'll put up with your shitty writing, overuse of verbs, and bad characterization?

She's hearing voices.

BY THE WAY GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND SOME THIRD-WORLD ILLITERATE RETARD WILLING TO READ THAT BOWEL-SYNDROME YOU CALL A MANUSCRIPT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!"

*cries*

So, my fellow writers, what are your Muses like?

Well here's how it typically goes for me and writing:
"hey there's an idea, I'm going to use that!"
There it is.
Sometimes after a lot of thought here's what will happen, though:
"maybe this isn't so good after all. I'll try something else."
Wiiiiild.
Anyway Jacquelin I'm starting to get fucking pissed at your blog so I'm going to go do something else now.
You take care.

:| :| :|

Zeal.
Sometimes when people get a blog they realize that they don't actually have anything to say. That's okay for them, so they stop posting. This is ideal, because then I never find it. Sometimes they say too fucking much about nothing and I still skip over it because holy shit who wants to read 19000 words about how delicious your lunch was?
And yet sometimes I come across a blog so incredibly pretentious and douchey it commands my immediate attention.
It's called "Kalliopoiea" which if your mythological knowledge is good you'll know that Calliope (or Kalliope as I guess we're insisting on spelling it and is closer to the original Greek) is one of them muse gals that everyone likes to bang on about.
This one, oft-abused, is the muse of heroic poetry.
Not as abused as Erato, muse of lyric poetry, at least.
Come to think of it, shouldn't this be named after her?
Anyway in case you couldn't guess this entire blog is poetry. All poetry, all the time. Stand the fuck back, we're in new territory.

There’s your smiling face
In the photograph,
You’ve got her in your arms
I try not to laugh;

PhotoGRAPH, LAUGH... Rhyming?
Face and arms definitely do not, though.

I wonder if she knows how faithful you are?
I wonder if she knows the truth?

BUT IS THIS THE 'TRUTH'?

Choked by the sickness of relief,
Just heard the news, beyond belief;Caught in the shadows of the past,
Thanking God they didn't last...

Ha, ha, ha wow this is really good.

I feel like I’ve been kicked right in the stomach,
Just like a stroke, my jaw dropping…

I suddenly feel like I need that music that plays in the background of Final Fantasy Tactics when you first start out and are learning about that cover up the church did. Yeah, here it is.
It's the perfect music for it. SO MELODRAMATIC. Although with Final Fantasy Tactics you're learning what an entire civilization believes is built on lies and this is just... Wow.

All the lies you told,
Now you ring with goldThe changes real or fake,
Simplistically;

told, gold, fake, simplistically.

Why’d you promise her
What you failed for me?
Only time will tell,
We will wait and see…

I have to say my favorite part of this poem is easily the rhyming scheme. I was going to map it out but I think it would be much easier to just call it what it is: "I only rhyme when it's easy :("
Anyway this poem goes on but I'm skipping it. I know we're nearly at the end but welcome to my poetry readings.
Now we move on to a poem entitled "Blood and Sand" which isn't that a show on Showtime about Spartacus?

You open doors to worlds without 8And step inside the shadows of my sacred doubt; 12
You turn my head with tales of what might be and make me see 14
A light that bleeds with all my past misdeeds…I’m out. 12

AABA rhyme scheme. Very--
You know when you count syllables on the side there usually you're going for a certain meter or something. This is just limiting yourself for the sake of OH LOOK AT ME I CAN COUNT SYLLABLES.

Cut off the telephone and weep; 8
Imprison me inside the safety of my sleep; 12
There is no day, no night, no dusk, no dawn, just me reborn 14
And I will rise to meet the future, see…it bleed. 12

>weep
>sleep
>bleed This is a flashback to my old modern poetry class.

Romeo, I’m a shadow of the girl I used to be; 14
Does Death become, enhance the story of…my life? 12

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Blood and sound, music and air; 7
These are the things that keep me sweet and living fair; 12

DOUBLE DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE;
FIRE BURN AND CAULDRON BUBBLE
Isn't that what this is starting to sound like? Some good ol' Macbeth, only for imbeciles?

Remove your hands and I might fall, wingless like Icarus ; 14
My wings are tired, why can’t I rest, you bet…I dare. 12

Uhh, Icarus had wings. He just flew too close to the sun and they melted.
Moving to a new poem:

Is there sex that’s not dysfunctional 9
Is there love that is not blind 7

What, is that rhetorical?

Spit and scratch and scream and sigh,
The choice not ours to reason why;
The world will turn, the blood will boil,
Drowning us all in endless toil.

DOUBLE, DOUBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE;
FIRES BURN AND CAULDRONS-- fuck it.

Fuck paperwork!

Why won’t you let me do the job I’m paid to do?
If I wanted to be a secretary that’s what I would do!
I’m just shaping young minds, trying not to let this show;
I’m just leading the next generation, trying not to blow…

>trying not to blow
I'LL SAY!

Scream and sigh and scratch and spit,
What’s the point if the point is this?

I will not eat them on a train;
I will not eat them on a plane.
I do not like green eggs and I ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

The path turns dark, reload the ark
And one by one we’ll kill the spark.

>dark
>spark
DARK SPARK, MY OLD NEMESIS.
You were worthy, but not as worthy as MEE DEGGI THE PUNISHER.
But, at the end of the day, they were both already dead.
Wow and now, after skipping a lot of entries, I am at her first ever entry and this one has a warning that I must be an adult to read this.
Not the usual 14 year old adult, either: this one requires me to be AT LEAST 18.
So if you are under 18 or I'm guessing if you're particularly delicate you might want to turn your browser off right now.
Good, all the pussies gone? Here we go.

You can hurt me better with mental distress;

what turns me on now is anyone’s guess;

What's with your font?

physical violence reveals nothing underneath;

I’ve lived through a dozen fragile-built hells

of my own creating; I’m a masochist, ain’t I,

darling? A prize bitch in the making; my gist

is this, listen: I’m never caught faking. Abuse

Hey I asked you a question. Why is your font getting bigger and then smaller?
Wow this is really boring. I can't believe, of all things, this was the first to get an 18+ rating. I've read about gay orgies on Livejournal that only invited the 14+ rating so I was expecting some XXX pornography hiding behind this cut, not some bitch who likes to be smacked around a little.
Good grief, where to start with this?
I think it's easier to never start with this, actually.
I must say, though, the Final Fantasy Tactics soundtrack sure made this blog feel classy. As classy as it read, to be sure. (That's sarcasm see I'm a master of my craft)

La la

It's always a bad sign when a blog has the word "musing" in the title. If you say "musings" instead of "thoughts" you are a tool.
OH SAME WORD I'm sure you'd argue. Well fuck you, they're different. Musings, with its root in the term "muse" would sort of imply divinely inspired ideas, wouldn't it? Fucking egomaniacs, all of you. Listen to me: the muses are busy visiting people with actual talent like, say, Stephen King.Wait, no--

So, a couple of years ago, I took a Mesoamerican Anthropology class.

Neat. Hopefully it didn't end like my Native American-- whatever that class was.

At one point, the instructor began explaining about how Mayan priests (I'm pretty sure it was Mayan...it was a few years ago.) pierced their genitals with stingray spines to induce trances.

Oh okay you actually learned stuff, so it was different from mine.
Also I'm only doing a couple of things if I'm piercing my genitals with stingray spines, and none of them are entering a trance.

So, the Mayan priests had visions while they bled from their privates. Sound familiar?

... Should it? Let's see, piercing your nuts with stingray tails to see THE WILL OF THE GODS.
What does that sound like?
Insanity, but not much else.

I thought so, too.

Oh, okay. End of entry, I guess.

So, I worked on a presentation that made correlations between women's moon time rituals and the Mayan priests

I'm pretty sure the reason women have periods isn't because they pierce their junk with stingray tails.
This is one of those things that you'll fail because you say "oh look one thing kind of resembles another thing, it must be the same!" Then you have no real evidence for it so you kind of spin scholarly research into agreeing with you, but because this is college that doesn't work so well anymore.

pointing out that the female version was natural and normal, while the male (patriarchal) version was brought about by violence (genital mutilation and all). My point was that the priests were trying to usurp female sacred power.

>usurp
>incredibly male dominated society
Yeah I'm not really following you here.

Patriarchy corrupts. I mean, look at medicine.

Yeah it sure does. Oh, what's this? Average life expectancy by century?Wow you are so right. We are so much worse off than we were in 1600.
Hey it started really going up in 1850. I guess that's because the patriarchy finally stopped usurping the feminine.
Hmm somehow I don't seem to recall that footnote of history.Something about an industrial revolution or something I don't really know.

Childbirth is no longer in women's hands. It's not this empowering experience.

Was it ever? I don't know, I can't imagine that'd be the first thing on the minds of most women when they're about to deliver.

Anyway, said instructor scoffed at my idea.
Said instructor was a woman.

Your thesis, so far, has had nothing to do with anything related to Maya or its people, so I guess she would.

For lack of better words: WTF?

Yes. Just because she's a woman she instantly has to go from subservient wench to... Whatever the fuck you are, and therefore agree wholeheartedly with you. No thought involved, women can't think for themselves~
You sure have a low opinion of women.

Apparently restaurants around here are giving out vuvuzelas to children now.

Hey guys, wanna hear the most annoying sound ever?

So, I go into the little convenience store in our building to get a couple of necessities, and while I'm paying, the lady at the counter says, "If I give you a canvas bag to take these with you, will you bring the bag back?"

Clever ploy to get you to come back.

Huh?
I told her that plastic was fine.
"Well, canvas is better for the environment, you know," was her reply.
"I reuse the plastic bags," says I. (and recycle them after they have been reused)

Here in North Carolina every grocery store is obliged to recycle plastic bags. They have a plastic bag recycle thing right at the entrance.
It's a pretty handy system for when you're not living in the outback like you are, apparently.

Okay, just 'cause I live in low-income housing ('cause my wife is ill and can't work right now), I'm ignorant? and uninformed about environmentalism?

Yes.

It's the assumption that I am ignorant that pisses me off the most. I know it has to do with the way I look and the fact that I live in low-income housing (because if I was well-educated, I would have a good job and not be living here).
Grr...

Dumb choice in your part, huh? Go to all that trouble to get "well-educated" and then you can't even get a good job with it.
Time to do some editing!

I have an ear, nose, and stomach bug. It's because of the weather, I'm sure of it.
My immune system couldn't handle fighting off illness with the added stress of the cold. Put garlic drops down my ears (I smell lovely, I assure you) and gulped down some Pau D'arco tea (ick) and Nettle tincture (not quite as ick but still ick). Hopefully that and rest will help.

Garlic drops behind the ears (...), "Pau D'arco" tea and nettle tincture. I know if the term "tincture" comes up you're probably not dealing with medicine from this century.
I think I see why people were dead at 45 in 1600.

So, I get the FtMs and the MtFs, but what about people who feel like neither / nor and both / and?

Oh look, it's this shit again.

You know, the people who really feel both male and female yet at the same time feel like neither sex. What are they?

Confused.

Why the need to explain myself? So people don't just assume that I'm a woman.

Listen to me, people. You may have time to sit there and think about yourself endlessly, but meanwhile in everyone not you land, no one cares that much. They need quick answers to simple questions to communicate with you.
Oh look, that's the end of her blog.
Hurray, I'm finished!
Victory.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Holy fuck what a whiner.
So let's run through the list first: he watches Asian dramas (soap operas) he enjoys FFXIII, he uses emotes like this: ^.^ and there's probably more I'm just forgetting. I'm not entirely sure, in light of this mounting evidence, that he's even a guy but he did just break up with his girlfriend, so--
I don't know, though, so many girls break up with their girlfriends and whine about it on Livejournal I'm not sure why I take such a huge leap of logic.
I guess my main complaint here is for once I'd like to be clear on something so I can find something specific to pick on instead of just picking on HOW MUCH NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

Aries and Libra love compatibility
There is a powerful initial attraction between these two opposites, for in certain areas each supplies what the other lacks. Both are fond of of sexual pleasures, but the Aries probably will try to go too far too quickly.

Shit, he reads horoscopes. This has to be a broad, right?

Still can't play Persona 3 or 4 for an extended amount of time because it constantly makes me think of her.

Still can't play good games.

Also have a small pang at times when I think about playing FFXIII, also because of her, though I've been slowly losing interest in the game since summer's started :/

No, that's because the game is boring and doesn't make sense for hours at a time.
Also you can tape the analog stick forward and the X button down and beat the game basically without even playing it.

Got out of Pokemon pretty much since I learned that Black and White would be featuring even more Pokemon. 500+ Pokemon is too damn much in my opinion.

This is the only game I've ever seen this complaint used. THERE ARE TOO MANY CHARACTERS IN THIS GAME I HATE IT.
... So don't use the new ones? What, you don't hear people saying "I HATE THIS NEW STREET FIGHTER IT ADDED TWO NEW CHARACTERS!"

I dislike war and don't particularly care for non-fictional war games.

I'm always amazed at people who use this as a reason to not watch war movies or read books about war or play games featuring war. What, everyone playing war games love war? No, most people don't like war it's just an interesting game.
The real reason you don't play games featuring guns is because you're a pussy and would get smoked in an instant.

I'm dully interested in Dragon Quest IX. It sold incredibly well in Japan so I may try it out next month.

Dragon Quest sold well in Japan? That's never happened before.
Seriously that's like saying Madden sold well in the US.
Here we have a poem. Get read for this:

Death, takes.
Words, they break.
Your actions, fake.
Love, away it wastes.

So we have a, what, ABBA (takes and wastes don't rhyme but I'm cutting him a ton of slack) rhyme scheme about-- death, I guess. Death and love.
How original.

Females are so difficult. I'm beginning to wonder why I still bother with them at all.

Icky giiiirls!

I suppose I am annoying and troublesome.

*sigh*


In other news, Jessica still hates me. After two+ years.

女の人はむりだよ。

:|
The Japanese, because this guy is so pro at foreign languages is basically fluent and I can't read it, his grammar is that advanced.
Just kidding it says "females are unreasonable." Pot calls kettle black but okay.

I'll continue to try my hardest not to pursue Esther, and to stop caring about Jessica.

Stupid emotions.

Bitches and whores, man.

To Jessica,

I am still terribly sorry and wish there was some way for me to make it up to you.

Man you are whipped. Bitch even broke up with you and you're still apologizing to her. Fuck her shit.

And last night, I actually had a dream about playing WoW... That doesn't say anything, do it? ^_^;;;;;

I currently have Earl Grey tea in front of me... but no biscuits. This must be remedied later ><

Oh my God dude, come on.
Next thing you know he'll be talking about how he sucked a dick in the bathroom but it's okay because "he was drunk so he's not gay." I seriously expect this to happen any minute. You cannot post like this and be totally hetero.

On a more emotional level, I've been in contact with my ex via email. Main goal with this: First philosophy of the Buddhist Eight-fold Path: Right View.

Seeing reality as it is.

Seeing situations and people as they are and not as I want them to be. I.e., seeing her as a person, an individual and not as an ex, nor as a potential girlfriend.

Ah, pretty sure that's not how it works but whatever.

In other news, I got FFXIII last Friday and am LOVING it. I won't say it's my favourite of the series quite yet (that title still belongs to the tried and true FFIX) but it definitely has my favourite battle system and love-plot *squeel*

:|
Am I the only person who liked Final Fantasy before the central focus were these ham-fisted romance plots? I mean sure romance was usually part of the plot but it wasn't the focus and consequently much more believable and better written.

No seriously, at the end of disc 1, I was flailing my hands and making girly noises >_<;; And Serah is currently my desktop background.

What.

I am looking for my Serah.

Looking for your girl who gets turned into crystal because she was marked by those alien things and then she fulfilled her vision quest and then some idiot who goes to a gun fight with his BARE HANDS (there's a badass) who is, what, her fiance or something tries to dig her out with some junk he found then this girl with really huge boobs shows up and he just walks off with her.
"I'LL PROTECT YOU FOREVER SERAH OR AT LEAST UNTIL SOMEONE BETTER SHOWS UP."
Then we cut back to Lightning whose primary mission in life now seems to be escape the other idiots in her company (a goal to which I could relate: I wanted to escape them, too) but for some reason she lets Hope, the most annoying member of the party hang with her.
Why?
Actually no, this brings up a good point: our boy here kind of reminds me of Hope. Annoying, whiny, cowardly, feminine and needs an older female figure to dominate his life. He's the only character who refuses to fight even though every single character in your party has a good justification for fighting (survival).
No, man, you're not looking for Serah. You're looking for Lightning.
Psychology through Final Fantasy.

Me: Yeah, my favourite Pokemon is Ampharos.

Her: Me too!

Ampharos is dumb. The best Pokemon is Gengar. Anyway I have other shit I'd rather be doing than read about this idiot.

My brain is collapsing in on itself.

ELLIPSIIIIIS.
Before I begin, let's discuss what, exactly, the fuck is happening here. As near as I can tell this person writes responses from the perspective of the character V (from V for Vendetta), or thinks (s)he(?) is actually V. Yet sometimes this person doesn't post from this perspective, but the voice of the posts never really changes so I have no idea what the fuck is happening.

I seen something last night so horrific that it just makes me so insanely distraught and livid beyond compare at humanity.

Somehow I doubt V, who reads Shakespeare and whose favorite movie is "The Count of Monte Cristo" (the 1930s version) would start a sentence with "I seen".
I can't imagine why his favorite movie would be either rendition of The Count of Monte Cristo when neither has dick to do with the book.

I saw this ... this ... video ... and it made me sob out of pure sadness and disgust.

What was it?

If I ever were to witness such a thing, not a doubt in my mind, I would kill that person.

Johnny badass. What was it?

Take a sledge hammer to their legs before stabbing them in the eyes and then give them a snake tongue. Because what they did is pure evil.

Oh my God come on dude, what'd you see?

And they deserve that mark so everyone will know how evil they are.

I guess we'll never know.
I've seen a lot of fucked up shit on the internet, though.

I forget how truly evil the world is ... yet I feel like I am bound by chains and can't do anything about it.

Oh, how freeing. "I can't do anything about it, time to play video games."
Really dude, spending years upon years plotting vengeance is a lot of fun when it's a book or a movie or something but in reality it seems like a ton of build up for very little pay off.
Then, what, you've rid the world of one asshole. Only nine billion remaining!

I feel like a choice is going to come to me one day -- whether to take the path of forgiveness or the anti-hero ... But ... if I do take the path of the anti-hero ... will I be forgiven my sins in the end?

BAHAHAHAHAHA.
"I feel like one day I may actually become BATMAN."
He seems more the type to want to become The Punisher, though. Of course he probably weighs 400 pounds so he'll fail at both, but that's just the impression I get.

I may never see Heaven after that. *Sighs* ... But something has to break. Something has to change.

Wouldn't an anti-hero not worry about conventional rules like what a religion dictates? Isn't that kind of the point of an anti-hero? They're doing heroic things for less-than-heroic reasons?
Or, really, an anti-hero can do villainous things for a seemingly justifiable reason. It's like that William Shakesman play, Richard III.
Then if you're good at manipulating the audiences' emotions (and you aren't) you can do like what William Shakespeare did and make the hero not sympathetic, then sympathetic, then finally not again for the finale.

I'm sad to see that someone had already named a story of theirs "Genesis."

I seem to recall this book, what was it called? The Bible or some shit. Anyway, it had a story called that.

I talk to Eris sometimes ... and she comforts me with words of 'neutrality' and 'patience.'

The Final Fantasy character?

You must understand my shock and surprise when, after only a few hours published on Fanfic.net, that I get my first and very kind review on my fan fic

Wow, the legendarily discriminating fanfiction readers have given you their stamp of approval. Only up from here, my friend.

... a couple hours playing FF 13 ...

Oh please, do go on.

I remember when I gave myself a regulation working on my story -- everynight at 11 for an hour --

No, not that-- never mind.

So ... I wrote a bit of a very sharp remark to the seeming atheists that bash the Lost finale. People who clearly vomit up the words, "religion ruins everything" ... clearly have no moral compass about themselves.

Yes, it is impossible to have a moral compass without religion.
What follows is an incoherent ramble about-- something.

This may just be my last journal entry. .... Things are not well at all ... but I wanted to pour out the last vestiges of my love for all those I know on here.

Hurray! Wait, no. No. Somehow there are entries after this.

My left arm is going numb ... a heart attack may very well be the end of me, but I aim to tell my father exactly what must be done.

THE BOMB IN MY CHEST IS GOING TO EXPLODE TAKING EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WITH ME.

It must be said ... I always wondered what song I'd kill and die with it blasting in the background. I always assumed it would be a Disturbed song ...

Ha, ha, ha, faggot.

and it may still be, when their album comes out this summer, but Good Day to Die by Godsmack is fucking epic beyond words. Every fucking lyric describes me to a T and the music is fucking bad ass shit! I'm definitely making an AMV out of it.

For my funeral they are to play "Fuck Tha Police" by "Niggas With Attitude".

Who is your favorite TV character of all time?

Hmm that's a tough choice.

John Locke is my favorite tv character of all time.

Oh that was easy for you.

Sadly, I do not have anything on Locke. I wish. But I roleplayed him -- and I was the best damned John Locke they have had or ever will.

Even better than the official rendition on the TV.
Anyway what follows is boring bitching from start to finish so I think I'm going to go do something that doesn't make me wish for the release of death.

Apocalypse Nigh

So I was watching some E3 coverage this morning. It's a trade show ostensibly about video games. Although one might be forgiven for thinking it was actually about Facetube, Justin Bieber and football, because that's all I saw.
Oh well maybe I just missed the video games part. Anyway you came here for blog reviews so let's get to it.Our first topic of discourse has to be YOUR FUCKING CHOICE IN LAYOUTS. Dark gray microfont on light gray background. If bad design was a capital offense you'd be dead.
I am currently zoomed in 400% and it is just now tolerable to read. You're bringing my blood to a boil already and I haven't even read word one.

And Gail asked me today, completely serious; if I thought her son Noah was gay. He's like a little over a year old.
He's growing up in a world where a man can't play a video game without first consulting Facetube and listening to Justin Bieber. I'd say it's to his advantage to be homosexual.

I am at work and some jackass in my general area is playing jazz music! While I do not care for that type of music I know that other people do so, up to a point, I can deal with it. BUT! It is going on hour three of the nonstop jazz festival and I am starting to feel like I am waiting in a doctor's office waiting room forever and ever and ever and I may kill whoever is doing it!

I turned on Pandora radio, turned on Pitbull radio,

>bitching about jazz
>listens to that faggot Pitbull
What the fuck?

I am seriously going to snap! This is torture! Psychological warfare, man! This is totally unacceptable! I am losing my fucking shit here!

Losing your shit because you can't listen to FUCKING PITBULL.
I'd punch that bald motherfucker square in his fucking cue ball head. That's what I think of his "gangsta" status.
Will he just show up when I get off of work, all like "how was work today? What'd you do?" Because I get enough of that from my sits-at-home-all-day-and-does-nothing-bu
t-play-video-games-then-wants-to-live-vicariously-through-me brother.


Who the fuck wants to live vicariously through you? Whatever he just did in fucking Call of Duty was fifteen more times interesting than your entire existence.
Oh I just remembered something that fucking pissed me off about Pitbull. At one point I was listening to one of his songs on the radio (I guess the dial fell off or something) and it was sometime between contemplating crashing into a telephone pole or taking this obnoxious bint on a cellphone in another car with me that I heard it:
"I'll make a film like Albert Hitchcock"
ALBERT HITCHCOCK.ALBERT.
You dumb motherfucker.

Did that! Hated my name, with the fiery passion of a thousand suns, and so I changed it to Riley.

You're doing it way wrong. I guarantee whatever your name was before was far less shit than Riley.

I work with this guy, "Alex", who seems to think that since I like girls and he likes girls this somehow makes me "one of the guys" and he can tell me the random crazy things he would tell "one of the guys".

Well you certainly bitch like any other girl.BA HA HA HA HA HA

Why in the hell would he think that I do? Why would he talk to me about this shit?

I've seen your stupid, fat, ugly face. You have the air of someone approachable. You probably make yourself overly available, too. Here's what you need to do, okay. Just practice this face:and everyone will leave you alone.

I know that I am being all aloof and distant and odd around Gail now but I just don't much care. It's odd, it feels odd, and I don't like it.

"I don't care"
"I don't like it."
...
So now I'm about to "view content that may not be appropriate for minors" and somehow I get the feeling I'm in for disappointment.
OH MY GOD YES I AM OLDER THAN 14 COME THE FUCK ON.
Also 14 year olds are still minors but whatever.

It's the second time we made out, the first time we had sex, and I am really disappointed in myself for letting it go so far.

SEX OH NOOOOOOOOOO TWO GIRLS KISSING WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO NOOOOOW?
And her listed mood is "disappointed".
No I think that's supposed to be and your listed mood has to be "cunty" or something.
More content not appropriate for minors.

I may be retarded and not know it.

I believe it.
Oh look they just announced the Xbox is now an exercise machine like the Wii.
I love video games.
Oh they're releasing a redesigned Xbox so it's sleeker when it red rings.
Maaaaarvelous.
Anyway this is the worst fucking E3 ever and it fits because this is the worst fucking blog ever.
I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but just roll with it.

Pussies. Pussies everywhere.

So fuuuuck the internet today. It's time to drop anchor and raise the sails, because WELCOME TO SUMMER TIME. SCHOOL'S OUT, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Bird's are singing, dogs are barking, cars are driving and cunts are whining.

I used to rely on the scales to dictate whether or not I was going to have a good day. It’s the sickness that plague the vain and overly self-conscious people of our society.

I'm always so amazed fat people can throw this back at society. WHY DOES SOCIETY SAY I HAVE TO BE SKINNY I'M BIG AND BEAUTIFUL. ;_;
Isn't over half the population of this fine sinking nation obese? I guess this is like when Christfags cry persecution despite being over 80% of the population. Back in the day my people fed your people to lions and now you're crying because you can't pray in schools.
My my how times change.

When you deprive yourself too much of life’s goodness (a.k.a. great tasting but most often bad-for-the-waistline food) just so you can fit in to the latest fashion trend particularly made for the skinny, then obviously you’re doing it wrong!

Oh wait I seem to remember something about this what was i--

The name you citizens gave me was Ciacco;
and for the damning sin of gluttony,
as you can see, I languish in the rain.

And I, a wretched soul, am not alone,
for all of these have this same penalty
for this same sin." And he said nothing more.

That penalty is to eat filth while a giant three-headed worm gnaws on you.
It's a good book you people should really check it out sometime.

And if you think that once you achieve that ideal body, or look, you have in mind, that you’ll finally be happy, then you’re wrong once again.

Not necessarily. "I wish to not be a fat slob" and then they achieve that goal. There's every reason to feel good about yourself at that point.

Because if that’s the kind of mindset you follow, then you should know that this battle doesn’t stop once results are achieved because you’ll always want to go for more and always wish to look better than the previous ‘better’ you had in mind.

Oh boy isn't that convenient. YOU'LL NEVER ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL ANYWAY MIGHT AS WELL STUFF YOUR FACE ALL DAY ERRDAY.
LAZINESS.
Sloth, gluttony, gloominess-- YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL.

I want to feel God so greatly again. I want to see Him transform my heart and my attitude towards everything that has happened and will happen.

The Lord moves at his own pace, heretic. Not yours.
I guess my problem with most Christfags is I am 500% more awesome as a Christfag than they are and I'm not even serious about it. You people really need to look at your own theology again.

I want Him to make me beautiful in His eyes, and I want to see His glory to shine through every part of my life.

What is that line from the Bible? "Your good works are as filthy rags, ye workers of iniquity" something. I think there's another line: "be saved, filthy as thou art" although on second thought that might be Warhammer.

Thank You for declaring me a new creature in Christ Jesus. :)

Is it Jesus Christ or Christ Jesus? No one can seem to agree on this simple issue. Of course "Christ" is just a title (and not his last name like so many people seem to think).
Herp derp she's trying to lose weight and quit smoking at the same time.
WHY DO I KEEP FAILING ON ALL MY GOALS? ;_;

I bought two Audrey Hepburn DVDs today! Funny Face (1957 - with Fred Astaire) and Paris When It Sizzles (1964 - with William Holden) :D

Paris When It Sizzles.
Also known as "we had bunch of aborted scripts what should we do with them?"
"How about we put them all together in some sort of movie where a guy is dictating to a secretary?"
"SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!"
Fuck that movie.
Here's her "20 best movies of January 2010" and one of them is Sabrina.
I have some news for you. That's not from 2010.

If you love someone, ask him for nothing. Don’t hold him from his destiny.

OUR FATES ARE ALL WRITTEN IN THE WARP AND YOURS IS DEATH.

Last weekend, it dawned on me how immature of a Christian I still am. Even though I thought I knew a lot already, my actions often fail to mirror what I know.

You just have to follow the 10 commandments.
What are they, let's see-- thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind-- uhh. That's the one that really stands out.

I can't remember the last time I actually thought about my brain, or well, my intellect for that matter...

My brain is full of fuck.
So I'm not sure if it's a commandment but it should have been one: thou shalt not use God as your personal self-help guru.
GOD HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT
GOD HELP ME STOP SMOKING
I mean it's one thing to sit here and read some sort of "deep revelations" about religion (boring) and it's quite another to read about your own personal failings as relating to religion (also boring).
I can't even remember the point I was trying to make now.
I know this is totally unrelated but I went to check my mail to see if Square wanted to invite me to their Final Fantasy XIV alpha after being a loyal customer for like 16 years and I see an article about "new research suggests Darth Vader has a mental disorder."
... Did you fuckers watch Star Wars? Christ all mighty.
Really, the guy that tries to take over an entire galaxy by creating a giant space death ray might be a tad on the mental side? I can't wait to read this breakthrough research.
Also he is a fictional character, you realize that, whoever wrote this? I don't think we actually have to fear reproach from the Death Star or anything.
Next thing you'll be telling me Hitler might be deranged.
--Anyways--
I'm off to do other shit. Piss off.

MOTHERFUCKING FONT, MAN

So in the several millennia since the invention of writing mankind has made several important breakthroughs in the scripts themselves. The Chinese contributed block letters and block printing. A German gentleman contributed the printing press. Later some people invented the typewriter and later, with the advent of the computer came anti-aliased fonts and suchlike.
All of these things were originally intended to aid the reader in reading the text.
Anyway, back to something completely irrelevant: blogs.
My current resolution is 1920x1080. This blog, and indeed almost all blogs (except mine, go figure) take up less than a third of my screen.

"loneliness is the human condition. get used to it. no one will ever fill that space."

Except all those people who enjoy fruitful relationships with other people.

"copper doesn't know its copper until its turning into gold.
your loving doesn't know its majesty until it knows its helplessness."

Copper can't turn into gold because they are both elements.
Okay so there is a very complex and expensive process in which scientists can bombard elements with radiation to knock electrons off their shells but even then I'm almost certain copper cannot be turned into gold. I think lead can, though.
But still the cost far outweighs the worth of what's produced and it was really done as more a matter of interest and research than anything.

if only i had a purpose, one that doesn't involve seating charts or doctor's visits.

Go to the library. Read a book. Go for a walk. Play some vidya gayms. Learn to paint. Learn an instrument.
There are a number of things you could do to enrich your life. Take me, for instance. I say mean things to strangers on the internet. Incidentally: that Danika girl from a few blogs back keeps messaging me. Apparently the concept of someone commenting on her blog is so alien to her she must hunt me down and eat my brain to gain my power.
I must say, though, staying awake through her blog proved I have some sort of immunity to sleep magic. That would be a useful ability to have.
Give me all the healing items because I'm the only one that can use them through status conditions~

i must become my own purpose but i've instead become trapped inside my own thinking, my sadness, my solitude. i am becoming a ghost and no one notices and if they do i'd call them silly.

Speaking of, I remember in FFXI my character seemed utterly immune to any sort of intelligence down status effect. She'd evade area of effect abilities which I had thought was impossible.
No intelligence to drain, I guess do ho ho ho ho.

i am so angry at society right now. it serves as a sort of scapegoat. how dare it make me feel deformed for not actively seeking a relationship every moment of my waking life, for not constructing my life around it, for making me doubt my convictions.

Further proving the axiom "analysis is the bane of conviction."

job opportunities in the humanities are looking rather bleak these days.

They sure are. Meanwhile in teaching land, one of the fastest growing fields in the country, it feels good.

i also don't want to be so accountable for the failures i could incur.

La la I want to take credit for all my successes but pin the blame on someone else when I inevitably fail la la

desolation. does it relent?

There is no rest from the far-reaching destruction of the Emperor's Space Marines.

i am afraid of everything. i am sad constantly.

I just found this cool dog in my yard.
Then the owners showed up :(

i quit my job at chili's because i was tired of settling for mediocrity and they treated me like a servant.

Let's analyze the word "servant" shall we?
From the participle "servir" or "to serve" it is quite literally as it sounds: someone who serves.
Considering your job likely involved bringing people food (serving) I think it's a fair assumption that it was YOUR FUCKING JOB YOU TWAT.

i am trying to get a teaching job. pretty sure it would be, like, the most fun exciting thing ever.

In six months: "I quit my teaching job because they treated me like a teacher :("

i know most of you don't know me well, but do you think i would make a decent teacher?

NOOOO.
You're boring, you're way too self-absorbed, but most of all you're boring and pretentious.

in my philosophy of sex and love class i argued that masturbation is the ultimate successful sexual act, as well as the purest form of sexuality in existential terms.

Except from a biological standpoint.
Oh yeah, biology. That's kind of important. It's only how the species continues or something.
I don't know I'm not a philosopher.

really wish i had the graded copy of my superheroes and altruism paper.

Sounds really-- Zzzzzzzzzz.

paper is on:
altruism.
what is it (supposed to be)?

Fucking altruism is acting outside of one's personal interests purely for the benefit of other(s).

ever had a man confess to being in love with you?

Nope.
Anyway it's starting to feel like I just took 15 Ambien so I better be moving on.

Time to focus~

Holy shit you people are so incredibly boring today I just realized I spent 15 minutes with my eyes unfocused pretending I was reading. That's pretty dire since this is a tactic typically reserved for such classics as "Culturally Relevant Lesson Plans" and "Glas" by Jacques Derrida.
Speaking of that asshole Derrida: I'm glad he fucking died.
Deconstruct that, asshole.
Anyway here we have something-or-other.

I don't have long to say what needs to be said to free myself of anxiety and anger.

You have exactly the time you need.

In fact, I only have ten or so minutes.

So little time, so little to say.

But I hate needing money to stay in a place to write and feel safe and so on.

This does sound like a problem maybe I don't really care to hear about it though-- zzzzz.

I am not even really at that point itself. Instead I feel fearful of losing everything so quickly.

If you were a good writer you could just sell your writings and live like a king~
Oooooor become a hopeless alcoholic like all the good writers.

I love writing so much that I know it will be the death of me. I will follow the words until someone follows me into a darkness as rich as her hair and I will be murdered there.

Yeah I don't know what any of that means but I wrote a really good short story last night I think I'll let it go cheap though~

I really like being able to sit here and type about these thoughts they can't imagine even more.

But if you can type it can't it, by definition, be imagined?

I wish that I could do what Jack Kerouac did and sit there for days and days just writing until I was finsihed with everything I wanted to say and then sleep for awhile.

"finsihed" indeed. What's that old saying? "Art through adversity"?
Hmm.

I am definite that I will start making more videos on Youtube with this sort of place where I am isolated as if it is for videos.

Speaking of I had an awesome Pokemon battle that I'm thinking of uploading.
It had a late game Arcanine sweep and everything.
Aggron head smashes a bitch: it's great.
Hitmonlee takes a Nasty Plot boosted shadow ball from Mismagius only to survive with 13 HP and stone edge for the KO and I think I just ruined the big tweeeest.

But I really need to get somewhere with my writing. There is nothing I can do with the publishers who are looking for money just to read my work

I'm as certain as I can be about a subject on this. You should never pay a publisher to read your shit.
I mean what kind of sense does that make? That's like paying someone for a job or paying someone to hold on to your money. I mean unless this is some kind of vanity press because you're too low talent to consult a real publisher, in which case I don't know what to tell you, dude.

But I don't care, they need to be paid through other means so that the poor writers like me can put there stuff out there to be rejected much easier.

Wow still butthurt about rejections?

I hope I get word from some other publisher sooner or later and I don't know if the earlier I hear from them the better my work must have been or the shittier it must have been since they must have just thrown it out on the first sighting of it.

Hey man at least they bother to reject you. I remember I entered a Warhammer fiction contest and they said they wouldn't write rejection letters but I got one in my email anyway.
At least it said enough one way or another that they thought they had to dissuade me.
That letter, incidentally, read thus:
"Decent but not what we're looking for."
Indeed.

All I know is that I no longer care about the way that I am writing so much and it is all about the entertainment it delivers to me.

Yeah you'll never get published. Keep it as a fun hobby, man.

So, I am alone in my room, in Lockwood. Nothing new is happening besides my inability to sleep coming back with a vengence. Last night there was no way I was going to get any sleep.

No way I was going to sleep what with the demon in the corner of my room glaring at me all night.
No nothing that interesting will ever happen in a blog, sorry.

Now there is to be consequences and Clinton wants an international response to go against North Korea.

According to my clock the date is 6/7/2010, and Clinton hasn't been president for a couple of years.

So if you are reading this, look up some more things about this country's actions globally.

Sorry I'm really busy.

Tell me or everyone else you know without offending them and see what they think and debate or discuss the reality in the manner of spreading the word.

What am I, your secretary? Look your own shit up. Asshole.

I would prefer no more war, no more mindless killing. Because that is what I feel it is.

Oh my fuck you suck at writing.
I always love it when these pseudo-intellectuals say shit like this. I WOULD PREFER NO MORE WAR.
WHO THE FUCK PREFERS MORE WAR?
Outside of weapons dealers and the like NO ONE WANTS WAR.

The last thing I will say is, the world is overfilling, spilling over the brim of its glass.

What does that even mean?

The truth is I can't stop thinking about life, and my placement in it.

Commas do not work that way~

I can't stop dreaming to be the writer I am, in the eye of the world.

Commas still do not work that way~
Also: "I can't stop dreaming to be"? "Dreaming to be"? What kind of verb tense is that?

Sure. I'm lazy. What of it?

Hey man I don't give a shit what you are. You're alive and it's bothering me, fuck.

I am alone. So utterly alone because she loves me, but can't handle me.

I barely know you and I can already tell you are a lot to handle.
Anyway I got shit to do and this is starting to give me a headache.

Oh boy let me hurr durr derp durr

Today's blogs appear to be a lesson in how to fucking piss me off.
I LOOOOOOOVE HAVING TO SCROLL PAST THE SAME DRAWING OVER AND OVER TO READ WORDS.
I sometimes wonder if there was a 1200s version of me bitching about illuminated text. I JUST LOOOOOOOOVE HAVING TO SCROLL PAST A GIANT LETTER A TO READ WORDS. Anyway I was trying to figure out what the fuck this drawing was and it vaguely reminds me of Morrowind or Oblivion with some nudity mods installed but I'm not really sure.
Our first entry is one of those typical self-indulgent "I've been doing a lot of soul searching and I've learned..." Meanwhile no one gives a shit and this person doesn't have any friends to talk to so goody me I get to read it.

While reading a very angry and bitter debate about some very heavy/controversial topics that I will not name, I realized something about myself. I very, very rarely express my personal views on any topic, (whether it be in public or in private - though even rarer will I do it in public) especially if it's something people get into frothing rages at each other over.

I, too, try to avoid such arguments in public (unless I'm feeling dickish, which is often) mostly because I feel anger-avoidance strategies are a very important component in manipulation.

I'm not willing to risk the high chances of being crucified for my views or having my personal morality torn apart just because people may disagree with me and can't express that without being a dick.

An internally consistent code of morality should have relatively little to fear from external attacks of such a nature but OH WAIT WE GOT OUR MORALITY FROM THE TV OR A BOOK.

I think that my unwillingness to express my views on various topics makes me... kind of boring? Uninteresting? Who wants to talk to someone with the likeness of a robot?

Holy Christ I thought I just escaped this topic on a forum where we're ostensibly talking about video games.
THIS IS WHY YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A GIRLFRIEND LOL
I was just looking for the PSO thread of the day why are there no video game threads on the front page ;_;

It's true that there's a lot of things I'm apathetic about, but there's PLENTY of other things I feel pretty strongly about.

Apathy is the absolute strongest position in a debate.
Seriously name one person harder to convince than someone who doesn't give a fuck.
CAN'T BE DONE.

I'm afraid of being hated, disliked - risking that possibility is a huge thing I'm trying to overcome.

"My job isn't done unless at least one person is uncomfortable in their own skin after I leave."

Is it stupid to long and crave for someone to love and cherish one of your own characters as much as you do?

I guess so because you could be spending this same effort trying to create compelling characters.
Which based off how much of a spineless coward you seem to be I'm guessing it's highly likely your characters are boring as fuck.

I'm sorry if I seem grumpy, rude, evasive, uninterested or anything else that isn't cheerful and friendly. I just don't have my usual energy right now. I'm sorry.

Apology came: April 21, 2010.
I sense a theme approaching.
Here are some drawings.
Yeah they're not bad I guess. They vaguely remind me of shit I've seen in The Legend of Zelda or something.

Just reactivated my WoW account. I kind of feel like I need a break from creative thinking for a bit, so. A game will be good. Been sort of missing WoW a little anyways lately,

ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS

NO RAIDING THOUGH, NO GUILDS, HOLY SHIT FUCK THAT MESS FDKSJLFJGGKLhgghdfgfdergdtgjhj

No raiding because running through one short corridor and fighting a boss TAKES UP TOO MUCH OF MY PRECIOUS TIME OTHERWISE SPENT BITCHING ON THE INTERNET :(

Which of my characters is your favorite? You don't have to, but please tell me why!

How delightfully self-indulgent.
Oh look, and people have voted. Oh wait, what's this? Remember this from five minutes ago?

Is it stupid to long and crave for someone to love and cherish one of your own characters as much as you do?

OH LOOK AT ME I'M A MISUNDERSTOOD ARTIST EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE APPARENTLY LIKE MY BULLSHIT ENOUGH TO VOTE.
Here's something she calls "storythings" which I think most normal people would call "plot lines" or perhaps "plot elements" but we'll see.

I had a reason - I was hoping to just write it all in novel form but... I'm kind of wondering when the hell I'll ever get around to actually writing the story.

Also because writing stories is really hard.

:(Kuoiska are the entertainers of engott society. For a price, they will dance, sing, cook, clean, run your errands and keep you company.

Oh so they're like fancy maids.
Or prostitutes.

They will not, however, entertain sexual desires as it is strictly forbidden - but they are excessive flirts, as this is the staple of Kuoiska stature.

So fancy maids.

Purchasing the company of a Kuoiska, regards of reason, is something reserved only for the wealthy and/or royal.

Wow so original.

Odaain takes a Kuoiska wife despite the taboo nature of it. He attempts to keep her hidden but Iddol inevitably discovers her.

So how many unexplained vocab words have we encountered in two sentences?
Kuoiska (how do you pronounce that), Odaain (long a sound?), Iddol (pronounced like Idol? Ihd-doll?) all for what? What essentially boils down to Romeo and Juliet?

In an act of sadistic vengeance for (innocent) acts committed in his childhood by Odaain, Iddol has her killed under the illusion of her trainer's orders and denies Odaain permission to take action. Odaain suffers greatly for this loss, though his loyalty to Iddol remains unchanged, unaware of Iddol's involvement besides the demand to stay his blade.

You know some people who witness people close to them murdered become Daredevil or Batman.

Odaain is the one who helps Teuates' mother escape Iddol's castle.

Teuates (too-ahtehs?)

He does this for two reasons: She is a Kuoiska, just like his late wife was.

But these geisha girls aren't supposed to have sex how can one be a mother when one was murdered for simply taking a husband what is happening--

The first several Jaanus mothers died in childbirth to sons with overdeveloped horns, if they didn't die during the pregnancy itself (as a result of these horns stabbing them from the inside out.) After this, it become royal law amongst the Jaanus lineage that no queen become pregnant - ever.

How do you continue royal bloodlines if the women can't get pregnant
OH MY FUCK THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

Instead, choice women are selected in groups to be impregnated for an heir.

How original.

Many engott live two lives as both genders and this is accepted. However, in the case of Judovaal'ior, only true males are allowed to become Judovaal'ior.

WOOOOORDS.

How does one check to see if a man is truly a man and not a woman in disguise?

Well if she has a penis I've got some news.

True males have genital tentacles, true females do not.

You thought Wednesday's blog dealt with some confusing gender issues? Let me tell you.

I was thinking - should I make an entry with a listing of all my characters complete with references and information?

Your story is so confusing and convoluted and filled with bullshit made up words for simple concepts that have real world parallels you need to create a Cliff Notes just to follow along.
I mean Jesus Christ I've seen books that have included character thumbnails and relationship trees but usually they were trying to describe all of the primary players in a giant civil war, and even then you'd remember the important characters.

I got a new HD too - NOW I CAN FINALLY PLAY OBLIVION SDKLFJSDLFJDS. 400 gigs. Yaaay! Was only 40 bucks too. Holy shit, I remember back in the day when 50 gigs was like 150 dollars. D:

I remember back when 14 MB was 3500.
No, I lied. I saw an ad from 1983 once :(
Also did I call the Oblivion thing or what?
Man I'm awesome.
Now here's a drawing she did of something called "Judovaal'ior" and I'm supposed to "brace for epic" but I think I liked it a lot better when they were called Judges and they were from Final Fantasy.
See how that works, incidentally? Judges. I get it. They're judges. Who or what is a "Judovaal'ior"?
Seeing as how they both start with "jud" I think someone is getting inspiration from someone.
Now I'm not going to point fingers but it's our blogger for the day.
Anyway this entry has run on entirely too long. Be seeing you, friends.

What's Happening

What is happening
what are words
The problem I've had with blogs recently (I have a lot of problems with blogs but just recently) is that people seem to think they're Wikipedia or something and every other word is a link to some article.
Gee I didn't know the musings of some 17 year old high school twat had so many requisite readings to go with it.
The ever-thorny "what gender is this person?" situation is at once more and less confusing today. She (pronouns help) is a male to female transgendered, err, person, apparently. As near as I can tell.
Just to be safe, though: you're both a cunt and a dick.

I've been meaning to put together a bunch of links regarding the oil spill, but somebody has already beaten me to it.

Oh good, I'm sure we've all needed someone to compile a series of documents on this situation. So glad you're here, Usullusa. Before you did this we've all been wandering around guessing at shit, or doing absolutely fuck all if you're the government or BP.

Apparently there have been many complains that Obama isn't doing enough on the LGBTQ front.

Obama not doing enough about something?
Well this is certainly news to me.

Canvasing is making me hate everybody ever. Grassroots Campaign is currently working on behalf of the ACLU and one of the pulls that we use is "Do you have a minute for gay rights?"

"Nope I only have fifty minutes to kill Rathalos and he likes to stay in the air a lot."

Do you know what I get at least half the time from people?
"No, I'm fine."
NO YOU'RE FINE? NO YOU'RE FINE? I KNOW YOU'RE FINE. BUT I'M NOT.

"Not my fucking problem. Rathalos plate is a 3% drop."

I am so happy to hear that while millions of people are being treated unfairly at best and beaten and murdered at worst because of their sexual orientation, you are fine.

Yeah thanks. Life has treated me well and my ghost will rest easy-- wait, no, no. Wrong thing.

Do you know what I hear when I hear "No, I'm fine."?

I know what I hear: "GOT SHIT TO DO. GOT A LIFE TO LEAD AND TAXES TO PAY."

"I've never had to worry about being discriminated against because of who I love a day in life, so no I don't really care. I am so comfortable in all my cushy privilege and that's all that's really important to me."

Hey it's almost like you have to make people care about shit to get them to do something about it. What do they call that skill? Rhetoric or something? Yeah, yeah like something they teach you in high school.
Oh well I'm sure it's not important.

The "Top Kill" plan, which involved pumping some kind of sludge into the pipes to block the flow of crude oil has failed.

Yeah I had a similar plan also called "Top Kill" to fix the oil spill, only mine involved a SPAS-12 combat shotgun.
Not very popular, my plan. Too bad because I think it'd actually work.

Okay, I swear book reviews are coming up soon (I need to finish The Pinhoe Egg), but humor me.

Can't wait for them book reviews.

The whole weekend was like that. I made the fucking mistake of stumbling into the bathroom still in my underwear and ended up catching an earful for not shaving my legs.

Female to male transgender?
Let's give this pause for thought.
On second thought let's not.

I've been having this discussion a lot lately. In the past few weeks I've often found myself having to defend my participation in fandom. Having people think that my interest is silly or lazy is really frustrating. Fanfic is not a less legitimate form of interacting with source material, and it's definitely not disgusting, immoral, or illegal.

>Fanfiction
>not less legitimate
Oh yes it is.
Fanfiction is the lowest form of writing there is.

Once you've shared your creation with the world, it ceases being wholly yours. You do not have a monopoly on thinking about your creation.

This is true. People are free to interpret it any way they please but that doesn't make them any less wrong when they come up with bullshit interpretations and read too far into the text like 90% of all fanfiction and college classes.

Other people can also think about it. I assume, in fact, that was your goal. But those other people might think about it differently than you might.

Before you pull a bullshit OPINIONS CAN'T BE WRONG LOL there are facts when reading a book.

And they might want to talk about it. And it might come out in the form of fanfiction.

I have never once read a fanfiction (I can stop there actually but I have tried out of mild curiosity so I guess that counts) that made me "think deeper" about its subject matter. Of course usually the "subject matter" is Naruto and there isn't a lot of deep thinking to do in the first place but whatever.

And honestly, I think it's pretty damn flattering that somebody might care enough about your material that they would take time and effort into writing about it.

Yeah they're called scholars and they do shit called "literary analysis" that's usually a bunch of pedantic bullshit but once in a while a truly novel thought comes out that makes not only you but a lot of other people think about the writing in an entirely new way.
You know, exactly like fanfiction has never done once.

It is NOT out of laziness or lack of creativity or desire for attention.

Yes it is. If you were truly that good at writing you could come up with your own shit.
But you can't, and so here we sit.

Any by the way, if nobody ever riffed off anybody else, art would have stopped dead in its tracks millennia ago.

Of course people borrow from each other constantly but ripping off the characters, setting, plots, etc wholesale is a little bit different than "riffing".

Also, the chatlog between sythia and me has officially gotten so big that my computer crashes when I try to open it.

HOW FUCKING BIG IS THIS DOCUMENT JESUS CHRIST

Oklahoma has passed new abortion laws. Now women who want to have an abortions have to get an ultrasound prior and hear a detailed description of the fetus.

Why is it every time a sentence starts with "Oklahoma has passed new laws" what follows is inevitably "herp durp de durr hurr."
It's the proximity to Texas I think.

Somewhere out there, GLBTQ individuals are being attacked and killed for being queer.

Okay GLBTQ. Gay. Lesbian. Bisexual. Transgender.
... Q.
Quo--
Qu--
Nope.
Ohhhhh okay. "Q" stands for "queer" or "people questioning their sexual identity" (thanks Wikipedia).

Today was one of those days where I woke up, thought about it, and went back to sleep. So I've missed all of my classes so far today.

I call those days "days where I have to go to class" but then I end up muscling through anyway because I'M HARDCORE LIKE THAT.

I do intend to go to my linguists lecture though because we're doing the "QueerSpeak" unit which I am excited for.

I call those days "days where I've lost all control of my life and thoughts."
1984 doublespeak bullshit fuck you, linguistics.

And we're not actually going to be talking about older gay male culture today!

Today, implying this has been going on for more than one day.
... When am I going to learn how to teach, again?

That gets tedious and is only relevant to my interests up to a certain point.

Yeah at least you get a day that's relevant to your interests.
I'm still waiting.

So remember that really hot scene in Lady Gaga's new Telephone music video? Where she makes out with that woman in the prison yard?

An entire team of sociologists, psychologists, anatomists, film experts and myself confirmed that was a man.
We were an international* group* of people with diverse ethnic*, sexual*, linguistic*, religious* and personal convictions* so we are in no way biased.

*: it was two white guys

Anyway we are experts in most fields of study.

It's been almost a week since I came out to my parents as "bisexual". Rather, I told them that I'm not dating a guy.

So... Girl?

To my mother I explained what genderqueer is and that I'm seeing somebody who identifies as such.

So...

They will tell me I am confused, that my friends and the media have put these thoughts in my head, that I don't have enough confidence to pursue [real] men.

Okay, so she's a girl.
Yeah, I got it.
Well that was an exercise in linguistics I wasn't expecting on a Wednesday.
Anyway piss off I'm getting a headache.