It finally happened

I finally found a blog that was 18+ ADULTS ONLY and underneath the cut was nudity.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES.
Unfortunately that blog was also really boring, so I won't be reviewing it.
Tons and tons of pictures (most involved softcore bondage) and then the occasional post about a Dungeons and Dragons campaign (bondage optional [I feel sorry for the people in that game])
Anyway, prepare for today's train wreck.

Who is the meanest movie bully?

Today's writer's block. Most people (unsurprisingly) don't seem to fully grasp what a bully is.

Darth Sidious.

Evil manipulative bully who tries to bend the entire universe to his will...

... kinda sounds like my ex husband lol :)

Darth Sidious, also known as THE EMPEROR from Star Wars.
He destroyed entire planets with a giant space laser.
That's like calling Hitler or Stalin a bully. I mean I guess technically but that's kind of putting it mildly.

It must be said that I have been in hiding in recent years. Pressure from the exhub and his goddawful family have made the world a difficult place for me to express myself. As if them translating paragraphs from my private blog (written in another language!) then quoting the Babelfish cod version back at me in a mediation session wasn't bad enough

>private
>someone else found it
>another person (me) found it
I think I found a problem with your "private" blog.

that darned exhub still sees fit to control my life over four years on by raising an injunction against me to stop me moving from one part of the (same) country to another. This injunction even prevents me from taking my kid on a daytrip outside of town!!!! While when he has same kid can take them pretty much anywhere since he moved out of town last year, shacked up with a girl he went out with in high school and had a new child with her so to my mind I think he should focus on his new child

Hey if women have the power to bleed the father of funds while simultaneously denying visitation rights (when he isn't a criminal) I don't see why this isn't fair play.

and partner rather than obsessing about what his exwife is doing with firstchild and while (and I say this with a blue face) HE WILL CONTINUE TO SEE HIS CHILD I see his attempts at tampering with my life as most mean-spirited if not downright weird.

>Doesn't want his child moved 10000 miles away in an attempt to deny his rights to see his child
>downright weird and mean-spirited
I'll grant he might be a complete dickhole but from what I've seen so far I'm not really seeing any evidence to that end.

If this isn't control freakery I don't know what is. While my child is often used as an excuse by the exhub for his actions, it can blatantly be seen that he is not only acting as if I were doing something else (i.e. attempting to prevent access)so that he can use that with his family (and others probably and including new partner) to exact his continued abuse of me as a sort of twisted punishment for (as he sees it) convincing him to break up that "perfect and holy marriage."

Oh. Maybe you should express yourself a little better because you're really sounding crazy right now.

He would have gone on having affairs and telling me how I couldn't match up to these women he had fallen in love with from one day to the next and yet I was ordered to bring him breakfast in bed every morning otherwise he wouldn't drive me to work. The work I did paid for the house he lived in, the food he ate and the childcare he couldn't be bothered with at the time...

Oh, okay. If I may suggest a revision: just keep your first sentence about how he's trying to steal your kid then this one and you don't really need to say anything further.
Incidentally, as the eternal skeptic I don't believe any of this shit really happened and she's just batshit.

So anyway, enough with the hiding already. If I live under a shroud of their fear then they have won. While I still feel incredibly depressed (and yes clinically so - taking the pills, have the help)I also realise that I know their strategy: essentially a war of attrition has worked very well for that family for many years -

I find when your ex-husband has an injunction on your traveling ability it's a wise move to hang your dirty laundry for people to see and, especially, include the detail that you're depressed and on pills for it.
I'm no lawyer but even I could spin that into an "unfit mother" argument.
But yeah, loud and proud, sister.
There's a difference between "living under a shroud of fear" and "erring on the side of caution". The difference, admittedly, is probably too subtle for the feeble minds on Livejournal to fully grasp but I assure you it's very real.
Take it from one who has long meditated on the subject of fear.

They preyed on vulnerable lone young people for a very long time - including me. They will still continue to do so. They have become so prosperous and influential on their Holy Christian attitudes that I have no hope. All I can do is at least speak the truth about my experiences and then, the more they try to silence me, the greater the actions they take against me I know I stand true. I speak the truth.

Seriously, just post those two sentences I told you about. You really sound nuts by saying THEY'RE ALL PLOTTING AGAINST ME BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE EVEN IF THEY BREAK ME THE TRUTH WILL BE FREE!

They say all kinds of stuff about me - that I had serial affairs, that even the child so argued over isn't even the exhubs (?) that I have been manipulative and deceitful since I knew them...

... I will cut the infant in half and each party will get half--
Oh God this just goes on and on forever and it's all this crazy shit I don't care about.
I've concluded you are both unfit parents and the child will be raised in a monastery setting for a purpose over which you need not worry yourself.
Now there's a long, rambling post where she speculates that, thanks to a dream, she might be "precog" or, to non-crazies, she can predict the future accurately due to psychic influence and it somehow ends with a rant against her ex-husband.
Are you seriously trying to lose your child?
All I need to do is point to the post where you're on pills, the point where you theorize a grand conspiracy against you and this latest gem to say "clearly this woman is unstable and in need of psychiatric help."

This article is opinion only and while I attempt to be as balanced as possible I apologise in advance if I offend any of the celebrities involved.

If I apologize any celebrities involved like yeah, they'll be reading this.
Nope, I'm afraid it's just me and you, honey.

I've been keeping a minor track of glamour-girl Jordan aka Katie Price for some years now, ever since I discovered that she and I were pregnant at the same time and roughly the same stage. I remember being quite astonished that at about 5-6 months pregnant she was papped going to nightclubs and staying up till 3am while I was constantly knackered and could barely stay awake after coming home from work, never mind getting glammed up to go partying! There was also that slight element of disapproval too, the "tut tut, she should be taking it easier for the sake of the baby"

Slight air of disapproval from those doctors who insist you shouldn't drink or smoke while pregnant like pffft, what do they know anyway?
With their degrees in medicine and thousand of years of collective medical knowledge?
QUACKS, I TELL YOU!

but when little Harvey was born with disabilities I found myself feeling a bit sorry for her. People were quick to blame her late nights and alleged consumption of champers for her son's disabilities and while that certainly wouldn't have helped, it was all down to genetics and there was nothing anyone could really have done.

This just in: fetal alcohol syndrome is genetic.
Hint: I think there might be something in the name that would suggest most (normal) people to conclude that it isn't a genetic factor.

Despite the continued bad press, Katie proved herself to be a sensitive, caring and very good mum to her son.

Just, you know, not sensitive enough to keep his brain from being as smooooooooooth as a marble. I actually don't know anything about this trollop because I'm not from the UK (despite just using the term "trollop"). Let's see--
Okay the kid is missing part of his brain and he's autistic.
I'm not sure how you can diagnose autism when you're missing parts of your brain but I'm not a doctor.
... Not sure why I felt the need to qualify that. Clearly I'm not a doctor.
So anyway apparently this isn't FAS but I'm not entirely convinced because I know eye trouble is part of the package diagnosis for FAS so I'm seeing a lot of the symptoms labeled under different things.
Oh God this goes on and on about how this bimbo hooks up with a boxer then dumps him when he loses an important fight--
How many times am I going to say in this entry "I don't care" or more importantly "stop this"?
My first forays into the world of MMOs could certainly have led to addiction -
Speaking of MMOs, behold:
AT LONG LAST, RANK 50 LEATHERWORKING.
Coming soon: rank 50 other things.

Why isn't marijuana legal when tobacco is?

God I hate this question.
IT'S JUST A PLANT, MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Cocaine and opium are also the product of plants and yet they never seem to enter the equation.
The reason pot isn't legal and tobacco is is because tobacco isn't a direct competitor with the alcohol industry like marijuana would be.
Deal with it, nerds.
Also I feel it should continue to be illegal because then what else would you potheads have to discuss?

Tobacco, therefore, has several hundred years of collective ignorance and acceptability behind it.

It does have some minor health benefits, as does marijuana.

Tobacco has several health benefits?
Excuse me?
Ah yes, I, too, read the pamphlet written in 1750 about the "wonderful benefits" of tobacco.
Might want to update your sources a little.
That pamphlet went on to argue about the "scourging effect" on the "body's maladies" that the smoke had.
Cleansing smoke from Valhalla.
Makes sense to me~
Oh God I'm 4 years back now and she's still bitching about her ex-husband. How long has this drama gone on?
Get over it, Christ on a cross.
Anyway I'm going to do something better with my time which is to say I could be doing literally anything. Like heroin.

Spin me a tale of fanfic, o muse

Let me tell you people about Dragon Age. Dragon Age is a video game released by Bioware and according to everyone that plays it it's the greatest RPG of the generation with a TOOOOTALLY DEEEEEEEEEEEP story and totally realistic characters.
I played it-- don't really get it. I mean it was okay but I definitely wouldn't call a plot that's basically "so there's this bad guy--" the deepest thing I've ever experienced in my life. The game play was refined-ish but I definitely wouldn't call it deeper than Baldur's Gate, and that shit came out like 10 years ago.
So then they released Dragon Age 2 which apparently (I haven't played it) reads like Twilight fanfiction. It was basically confirmed to have been written to attract women to the genre.
Because, you know, grimdark fantasy about demonic possession and blood magic is a natural choice for most women.
Anyway, welcome to the woman who was sold on DA2.

Shit. My private student loan isn't eligible for deferrment even though I'm a full-time student again and on federal loans. Where am I going to come up with $100 a month for that?

Work?
Is this a trick question?
If you rake in 7.50 a month you'd have to work about 15 hours a month (I adjusted for up to 12% of the payment in taxes) which even if you're double majoring in medicine and law you should be able to swing.
It's either that or die, so it seems like a small price to pay.

Have you or a friend ever been bullied? How did you get through it?

Today's writer's ('s's's) block. Guess how long it took me to find this blog thanks to this question?
Not very long.

I was bullied every single day in elementary and middle school from 3rd grade on, when my family moved to Woburn and we were the outsiders. My excessively frizzy hair has always been a target. I'm still the quiet kid in large group settings, but it was even worse when I was younger before I made myself join the drama club to break out of my shell.

I just noticed in her tag cloud thing the largest tag (which means the one she uses most often) is "bitching". This is promising.

And then in middle school I started building a shell, that has unfortunately caused a lot of emotional problems for me even into adulthood. I built myself up to be a "tough bitch." I'd snap back, I'd start snark and attacks first. I was so terrified of people being mad at me, I caused problems to bring things out to light so they couldn't sneak up and surprise me.

I'm sorry my delicate snowflake is expressing such self-destructive tendencies.
I'm sure is what she wants everyone to think.
The best part is I had a choice of about five blogs that read exactly like this. I just picked the one that was the best written and the least wordy.
I'll let that sink in for a moment.

By high school I went from being bullied to just being ignored. I became completely invisible. But at that point all the damage had been done. I was lonely, depressed, anxious, and suicidal because of bullying.

And you started writing fanfiction.
The true damage wrought by bullying.
So please, prevent fanfiction. Don't bully.

I may not be able to prevent my children from getting bullied, since they're likely to be huge nerds, and since Bill and I both credit martial arts with or discipline, we're hoping to put our kids in that as soon as they can, so hopefully they'll be respectful to their teachers.

I'm raising my kid to be an assassin.

Spent all day in bed with the flu. Not good when there is so much cleaning and organizing for me to do in the next two weeks. It's all happening pretty fast.

I did play the Me!Hawke for a little bit today, and it's really fun saying exactly what I would say.

"Hawke" after digging through my various reaction images to Dragon Age 2, is apparently the main character's last name in Dragon Age 2, so sort of like Mass Effect and "Shepard" that way you're allowed to give them a first name while the script can read their last name so they're not left with the uncomfortable voice acting option of skipping any time a name is read.
This apparently caused a lot of butthurt originally because--
uhh--
anyway Me!Hawke is an uncomfortable grammatic construct that says she's playing her character the way she would act in real life.
We call this "lazy roleplaying" where I'm from but whatever.
Of course in real life I'm guessing she'd run away terrified at the first sight of blood and you're frequently covered in gore in Dragon Age (because gore = grimdark according to Bioware's 13 year old writing staff).

Up to this point I've done characters that almost entirely one personality type and that's all they respond with, and then I've done Bill which has been mostly Snark/Aggressive and there was my first Hawke who was Snark/Diplomatic.

Then there's how I usually play characters in video games: violent/proactive.
No 10 minute diplomacy for me~

I'm primarily diplomatic with people I don't know, but really snarky with people I'm friendly with, if the friendship warrents it. Varric and Isabela? All holds off, flirting/joking every possible moment.

Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shut up.

Aveline is a little more stern, so I don't joke with her... often. Carver's a little shithead who I try to be nice to, and no matter how hard I try to get his friendship up, it barely budges and he whines so I want to knee him in the crotch.

I don't remember any characters from Dragon Age except Sten who seemed to hate his companions as much as I did so we were pretty bro.
I remember there was some slut with a French accent who was trying to jump my bones then another sorceress slut who vaguely looked like a man (who everyone loved for some reason I don't fully understand) who also wanted to ride my purple python. I think I banged the French slut (slim pickings, really) because I felt that would piss off the witch more than the French slut would be pissed off if I banged the sorceress.
I prefer The Witcher, incidentally.

Ending on a random note to my DA friends: if *you* were Hawke, which LI would you have the most attraction to and pursue? I'm curious because my current playthrough is Bill as Hawke, and next I thought it'd be fun to play me.

Bill is her boyfriend.
There's something very Freudian about creating your own boyfriend and controlling him in a video game where he has sex with women not you.
In fact some might call that downright creepy but I think it's just a criminal lack of imagination. This is a game where you can be anything from a dude with a sword to an elf with a bow-- wait.
No you're right. This game doesn't really give you many options.
At least, options that weren't around with THE LORD OF THE FUCKING RINGS.
Actually I think DA2 forces you to be human so you can be a dude with a sword or a dude who shoots magic out of his butthole.

I know I'd most likely be a Spirit Healer Mage, I just don't know if I'd romance Fenris or Anders. Bill thinks Anders, and I'm leaning a bit towards him too because of my own personal interest in revolutions, but guh, Fenris!

No idea what's going on.
Let's Google this.
Oh apparently they're both men.
You're made your own boyfriend in a video game where you're controlling him and having him engage in homosexual relationships--

It's funny how when all the world goes wrong for me, I got back to FF6. I was replaying DA2 for the 5th time, and was going to go through all the Final Fantasies start to finish, but I think I'm going to pop in my PS version of FFVI and play again.

>FF6
>PS version
ENJOY THOSE LOAD TIMES.

And right now I'm trying to challange myself by writing Sabin/Terra with a level of sexual tension between them, something I think I've never been able to tackle because I fell in love and started writing this couple before I was a teenager. (The fact I've been reading romance novels to see if I could write that genre maaaaaaay be influencing me... maybe.)

>FF6 fanfiction
Oooooooooh goodness.

I think I need a new scale. According to this one, I've gained nearly ten pounds in a week, when measuring at the same time of day. I, what? There's no way I've been consuming enough calories to have that much weight gain!

There's no way.
No really, I believe you. Why would I have reason to doubt you on this?

Yeah my metabolism has probably slowed down a little bit because I've cut the number of meals I eat a day by accident from this heat, and I haven't been walking because of the heat and humidity, but really, ten fucking pounds?

And I did eat an entire lunch buffet but really, ten fucking pounds?

Plus, it's depressing when I think I'm doing well with what I'm eating and the scale goes up that much. I think I have an overeating or addiction to food issue, but I don't have health insurance to be able to get medicine or therapy for it.

Awww, poor baby!
There's this wonderful new invention. In fact, your Dragon Age character has it as one of their stats: it's called willpower. Check into it sometime.

I just have no idea what to do. I feel like I could stop eating all together and I'd still be fucking gaining weight. I'm about to cut down to just fruits, veggies, hummus, and a little cheese. And I keep wanting to work out more, but since coming off of the antidepressants cold turkey, the fibromyalgia's been bothering me to the point I'm having trouble sleeping I'm in so much pain. There aren't enough words for my frustration.

Let's contrast this with her previous statement of "I have a shell built up so I don't have to interact with people and I'm basically a turbo bitch."
I'm really seeing that in effect right now.

Yeah, that's Isabela jacking my F!Hawke/Sebastian fanfic and making sure it becomes a f!Hawke/Sebastian AND Isabela/Fenris fanfic. (And I can't help it because pregnant!Isabela is giving me great, great joy. Especially when she's pissy Varric won't buy her a drink.)

Pregnant-- fanfiction--
I don't think I need to say anything more about this, really.
Pregnant fanfiction.
You know what isn't fair? Sigmund Freud died before someone even conceived of the internet. How many hours-- no, days-- did he spend unlocking this fucked up shit? All he'd have to do now is sit on Livejournal for five minutes.

So what was going to be a smut fic is now becoming a double smut fic. I hope it goes over well.

Maybe it's best he didn't encounter fanfiction, though. I can see where this might become overwhelming. He might have given up. Who could blame him for that?
SHIT'S FUCKED.

Oh my God! Downloaded the Legacy DLC for Dragon Age 2 tonight and finished it tonight. AWESOME. If anyone's on the fence about buying it DO IT YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

The two times I bought DLC the word "regret" was probably foremost in my mind.
INSTEAD OF RELEASING A FULL GAME, LET'S RELEASE 75% OF A GAME AND CHARGE MORE FOR THAT 25% OF CONTENT THAT'S STILL ON THE DISC!
THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN EXPANSIONS!
"It is AWESOME!" responds the internet.
Fuck the police.
Oh God her LJ avatar is a character from Final Fantasy Tactics.
Whatever happens from here on in I promise not to get angry.

Tonight I had a very unhappy moment. I got on the scale and am now the heaviest I've ever been, which okay, what the hell, I'll share. Pretty much everyone who reads is female and can likely understand or at least appreciate how frustrating it is. I'm about 195, meaning I've gaine about 15 pounds just this year. Yuck, how the hell did that happen??

MCDONALD'S IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD--

I know I'm fighting genetics. My mother has always been a large woman, and she looks heavy, but she doesn't look obnoxiously obese even though her BMI classifies her as that. She's just a full-figured, large boned woman.

AND THE MCDONALD'S TASTES SO GOOD WHEN IT HITS YOUR MOUTH--
A slave rolls over and accepts the easy excuse of fate.
A man accepts that which the very stars themselves proscribe.

So ideally I'm looking to lose about 70-75 pounds. Though, to be honest, I'll be thrilled over losing 50, and very pleased if I manage to lose anything at all. The biggest hurdle I have to overcome is that I don't know how to eat healthy.

Okay here's a simple solution: whatever you are eating, eat a quarter of it.

Day 03 – Your favourite Final Fantasy theme/song.

This is hard. Unbelievable difficult.

Delita's Theme from Final Fantasy Tactics.
If you didn't pick that you don't know shit about anything.

Final Fantasy music over the years as done everything from motivating me during a workout, to calming me after a bad day, to being the inspiration for a scene and making me write it. I could do a 30 day meme on ust my favorite music from Final Fantasy. Eyes on Me was one of my favorite,

Somehow I'm not surprised the pop abortion from Final Fantasy VIII is your favorite.
Remember like a year ago when I said only girls like Final Fantasy VIII?
Yep.
All too true.
Oh God all her favorites are from Final Fantasy XIII. It's like she's doing everything in her power to make me angry.
Ohhhh fuck.
Well I think I'm going to go because from here on out it's incessant whining and I'm starting to get a headache.

We are judged in life by the evil we destroy

Today is slim pickings. You'd think with today's writer's block it'd be easy, but no-- quite the opposite.

Do you think women are treated as equals? What changes would you like to see?

Now maybe it's my own exacting standards but with a softball like this I was searching for something really above the pale. I mean how many entries did I skip past that were "HURRR THEY SHOULD BE TREATED BETTER THEN (sic) MEN! LOL!!!!!!!!!" or "they're already equal because blah blah I'm boring" or my personal favorite "we may be treated equally in America (qualifying) but IN AFRICA--" oh yeah, Africa with a long history of human rights.
Anyway I was searching for that response to this question.
You know, that response. Basically I was looking for several key phrases, namely "patriarchy" a hyphenated word that involved "socio-" (as in "socio-sexual") hyphenated words with "socio-" in them are my favorite because despite graduating from the University of Pussy with a degree in Pussy Sensitivity (with honors, no less) to this day I still don't understand what that means. The economics of sexuality?
What?
I was also looking for buttmad and, most importantly, the entry had to be incomprehensible.
I think I found it.
I think Alex is is a girl, so Alexandra and not Alexander.
I guess.

I like to torture myself! No, really. I like to torture myself because only a fucking masochist would go through the responses to today’s (frequently fucking moronic) writer’s block question.

I was initially drawn in because we felt similar things but I think as you'll soon find we felt them for different reasons.

1. “In most cases, I do believe women are treated as equals. I've always been taught to treat everyone equally and with respect, as that is the only way you yourself will be treated that way. However, I do believe there are a handful of people that do not treat women with the respect they deserve.”

LOLLLLLLLL oh boy I love it when people try to reduce complex processes with simple explanations and ‘aw shucks my parents taught me’ rhetoric.

I always loved it when the pussies would get all angry and indignant.
I remember one class in particular where we got this guest speaker who lived through the Civil Rights movement (big fucking deal, my parents also lived through it) and speaking out about how WE'RE ALL RACIST AND IMPERIALISTIC.
I don't remember too much about it because I was making eyes at the Korean exchange student.
Too bad she didn't speak English very well.
Oh well.
HISTORY OF IMPERIALISM RIGHT HERE IN THIS CLASSROOM YEAAAAAAAAAAH.

Most women are not treated as equals because most women are not the same. A white, upper-class woman will be treated with more respect than a lower-class woman of colour. There’s a phrase feminists often use called intersectional analysis, and it’s important, because it looks at, challenges and problematizes interlocking systems of oppression based on gender, class, race, ability and sexuality (IT’S FEMINISM 101).

I just wanted to tell her "baby, it's okay, I speak English and I don't understand it either."

2. “Here in America, yes, women are equal(sometimes, we are SUPERIOR). Other countries, cultures, and religions still have a very long way to go. Too bad we import the cretins on a daily basis.”

YAY AMERICA, OTHERIZING AND ETHNOCENTRISM. Otherizing creates the conditions for discrimination; difference is a way of structuring hierarchies of power.

I'm going to be honest: I love the term "otherizing" it's that perfect trifecta of being based on an actual word, completely meaningless and completely douchey. I used to drop that word in my essays like it was going out of style. Although to be fair, it probably is going out of style. Pussy sensitivity vocabulary seems to have a very high turn over rate.

We think that ‘difference’ is a quality that lives in other people.

I'm not saying I'm not different from other people but people should be more like me.
My philosophy is inherently superior to that of others.

There’s a debate going on the U.S. right now -- women’s right to abortion is under fire in a way it has not been for YEARS. Do you know why that is? It’s because it’s easier to control women by way of criminalizing or making illegal forms of necessary birth control. Another way of maintaining the SUPERIORITY of women is a consumer-based, capitalist patriarchy (profligate at the expense of the third world! Neo-liberalism is totally awesome!). By ‘cretins’ I assume this person means immigrants, and by racializing poverty they are effectively stereotyping all other non-white countries and cultures despite drastic poverty and homelessness rates in the U.S. & Canada.

Go on, read this. I read it three times and I'm still trying to figure out the ultimate point of this paragraph. It starts with abortion because it's easier to control women through birth control (logical leap) and yet we're maintaining superiority of omen through capitalism (err, because women in other types of society were more liberated?) and it (meaning capitalism as a whole, I suppose) is created at the expense of the third world. Now I was taught in pussy sensitivity that "the third world" is an otherizing (HEH SEE I STILL HAVE IT) and antiquated (yeeeeeeeees) term that further solidifies existing stereotypes and cultural notions (fuck yes) that's literally how I wrote essays. The parenthesis are just my own self-commentary about how awesome I am at this bullshit.
Here's something hidden behind an 18+ (!) cut that's labeled as VERY IMPORTANT. Whatever it is must be badass because it crashed Livejournal.
Or maybe it's my computer saving me again. "Listen, friend, I'm going to give you some extra time to think on this."
Now I'm getting a Javascript error.
Praise be to Zeus?
Oh, what? Whatever it was it's completely gone now. Apparently it's about how they airbrush vaginas in magazines.
For once it seems like the shit hidden behind the 18+ cut is actually pornographic in nature and yet it's not here.
I'm actually a little disappointed, I'm not gonna lie. I don't even know if this is the blogger's fault. I'm going to assume it is just to be safe, though.
It's like Livejournal is telling me to go play FFXIV, or something.
I'm going to save this entry and come back to it later so no promise that this'll continue from this point on.

Just read an interesting novel by first-time German author Charlotte Roche called “The Wetlands”. It’s about an 18 year old girl (Helen) who, while recovering in hospital from surgery to remove an infected hemorrhoid that she cut while shaving, charts (and eats) her bodily secretions while recounting her various sexual exploits.

Glad I waited 8 hours for this.

The book has been denounced by some as a “masturbation pamphlet”. HarperCollins published it in Canada earlier this year, but I haven’t had a chance to read it until now.

I don't know how you people do it but when I think "masturbation" the phrase "eating bodily secretions" is pretty far away from my thoughts.

In Western culture the media is generally viewed as sexually liberal and often times explicit, but this book's fundamental purpose argues the opposite. Our society is threatened not, primarily, by objectification and X-rated sexual inhibitions, but by the “prudishness that hides behind silicon breasts”; in other words, the “unspeakable” grooming habits that most women go through in order to look glossy, highlighted, and pristine in their nakedness, begging the question: where do you draw the line between hygiene and obsessive compulsiveness?

I draw the line at "eating bodily secretions", in fact.

Women are not exploited by how much skin they show, but by how much skin they shave, pluck, and hyper-sanitize. That is perhaps the real indignity.

So don't shave.

Just don't expect me to date a smelly gorilla woman and I think we can find some middle ground.
It is a fresh portrait of women, sexuality and body comfort, which is a real departure from what we see all around us. It's an important book for girls to read (despite the fact that there is imagery you may not be able to recover from -- although that's part of it's charm).

Important for girls to read.
Sorry about that shit, ladies.
Meanwhile in MAN TOWN: THE AENEID.
Oh shit, your story is about an infected hemorrhoid?
Mine is about high adventure on the seas and having sex with brown girls.
Oh and I'm up to the first entry.
Wow.
Well let's end this on a high note--
I present you Shake10, a series of four images of a dog shaking its head captured with high speed film.
I defy you to find a funnier picture.

The greatest mind of our time

User "Pokemon Card" has a blog that's CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN 14+ ONLY.
Because when I think Pokemon, oh yeah, I think adult content.
I do enjoy the implication that this is somehow appropriate for people older than 14 when in fact it is inappropriate for everyone on the grounds that it sucks. It feels like I've been harping on that annoying censorship thing on Livejournal a lot lately but it really has been coming up a lot lately.
I will give user "Pokemon Card" some credit, though, because at least each individual entry isn't hidden behind a cut. That shit gets annoying quick. Just one cursory warning and then you're in.
Knee-deep in the shit.
Let me preface this by saying I'm as sure as I can be that this is a man.
Which means I'm about 50% certain.

What is the first line of your favorite book?

BEHOLD:

Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy.

Proper use of the term "muse", take note.
But I actually consider the first sentence of Dante's Inferno technically superior:
Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.

I have far too many favourite books.

Let's see here...

First, not really a book, per say, but a short story:

>per say
you're clearly not of a mind to judge good opening lines.
it's "per se" you stupid twat. It's Latin.
As in "in itself"?
Fuuuuck you.

"There's a guy like me in every state and federal prison in America, I guess--I'm the guy who can get it for you."
---'Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption' by Stephen King

FAVORITE BOOK
STEPHEN KING
I can see we're not going to get along already.

You know what's annoying?




When you gauge up to half an inch on your ears thinking that it will be the biggest you go, and a few months later find out that the damn plugs just slide through the hole backwards, prompting you to go bigger, but not having the next size bigger.

Carving massive holes in places where massive holes don't belong
Being surprised when it turns out to be inconvenient and a bad idea
Not too bright, are you?

There's always a time in one's life that one starts to think about how it's turn out thus far.
I think about mine every now and then.
I regret a lot of it. I know that we shouldn't regret our lives as they make us who we are today.

What are you, 87 years old?
This shit only sounds impressive when it's said by someone who is actually old, you know.
Like when someone says "I've been waiting my entire life for this tee-hee!" like fucking woooooow, how old are you again? 17?
Now when a Dreadnought in Dawn of War says "I HAVE WAITED LONG FOR THIS DAY" it actually comes off as impressive because not only is he a several ton killing machine but also because most dreadnoughts are several hundred to several thousand years old which means their "long wait" is actually a period of time longer than most people have been alive.
That is waiting long.
Or like a few years ago when the Red Sox won the whatever that crap is in baseball (I don't follow sports [big surprise]) and they had a bunch of 100 year old men saying they'd been waiting their whole lives to see this--
now that's a fucking wait.
LOOKING BACK ON MY LIFE AND IT HAS BEEN A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT--
What are you, like 20? You're in college, I know that.

But fuck today. I want yesterday and tomorrow. I'll take any day except today. To be honest, today hasn't actually been a bad day by any means. What I'm saying is that this moment in my life is what I wish to be rid of. I'd like to skip through a few years. I'd like to see where I end up.

Fucking I hate people my age. Another one of these self-entitled twats demanding instant gratification. I'm sorry you have to go to college and get a degree but welcome to life, pusscakes.

I know lately I've been complaining about my lack of motivation and determination on my creative fronts. But I'm pleased to announce I've retrieved a lot of that back. i don't know whether it's perhaps that I'm excited for school to begin, glad that last semester is over, frustrated about certain things, or the fact that I am just so angry lately that I have no other way to vent, but I'm glad it's back. I missed my 'mojo' (I guess you could call it that).

Acknowledgement of your problems does not excuse them.
How many times do I have to tell you bloggers this shit?
I KNOW I'VE BEEN A WHINING TWAT A LOT LATELY--
Ohhhhh that's okay, user "Pokemon Card", I forgive you~

Just some info.

It's information per se (excuse me, "PER SAY") but it's definitely not anything I, or anyone normal, gives a shit about.

Tonight is her goodbye to you. You don't know who you are, but she certainly does. It hurts her knowing that this needs to be done.

For too long things have gone unsaid. Far too long.

And tonight is the night where it ends. She waited and you never spoke.

What--
Wow, this "she's doing shit and it relates to YOU" goes on for like five fucking posts.
What's happening?
Is this an entry written about the writer in second person?
I hope?

Gawd, it's been forever since I posted. Working full-time and going to school, and doing said school's homework will do that to a girl.

I said I was only 50% sure.
Which means I was also 50% sure it was a girl.
This will probably be a controversial call at home but I'm awarding myself full points for correctly guessing the gender.
So maybe the above entry about "the girl is blaaaah" is written in second person towards a boyfriend, or love interest, but she's actually the girl--
no this is stupid. Don't give three shits about this.
Oh and there you are in all your mall goth glory.
How, what's a word besides stupid, douchey or cunty--
quaint.

Y'know, I've been really thinking about it, and I've decided what I miss most about pre-stroke grandma is her ability and willingness to read. I miss her critiquing my work, and telling when I have to make a change, or when I'm amazing.

I have yet to read something you've written that is "amazing" outside of "amazingly boring".

My mom won't read my writing very well, and even if she did, she might have a hard time understanding it. My sister won't read anything over a paragraph. I know Kaleigh would read it, and share what she thinks, but sometimes her critique isn't quite what I'm looking for, especially when it is something personal.

Her critiques aren't what you're looking for.
It's important to take any critique with a grain of salt but honestly with someone of your caliber of writing you should be thankful you can get any constructive criticism.

I guess I got an A- on my short story for CRWR. Which I suppose is pretty cool, and I should be happy about. I'll break it down for you guys:
Story = 8.5/10
Characterization = 7.5/10
Writing = 8/10
Total = 24/30

>7.5 on characterization
IN A COLLEGE CREATIVE WRITING CLASS?
INEXCUSABLE.
I also like the nebulous "writing" grade. Thanks you for this, professor.
Although to be fair in a college creative writing course I'm sure I'd get hammered on all fronts so whatever.
Good job being conventional, I guess.
I know I got mauled in high school over characterization especially because YOUR MAIN CHARACTER ISN'T EVEN GIVEN A NAME because that's what's really important in a story.
Pretentious fucks.
I will fist fight you over this.
DID CLINT EASTWOOD'S CHARACTER IN FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE HAVE A NAME?
THANK YOU.
That was my defense, too.

(Also, I'm just gonna point out that my ENGL professor was totally dressed like Justin Beiber today! LOL!) Anyways, back to my work. I'm fairly okay with it, hell, I even knew what was wrong with it! But I was too fucking lazy to fix it. Stupid me. He said he liked my "tart, dark humour."

You know who gets a lot of unfair jokes leveled his way?
Sylvester Stallone. Everyone calls him an idiot because he looks like a thawed caveman and talks like he's working with some sort of steam-powered brain but he did write the entire script to Rocky, an Academy Award winning script, in like 20 hours.
That's an impressive feat by any measure in my opinion but he also somehow managed to do it without creative writing classes in college.
In fact, most successful writers do.
Just saying.

I suppose I should post the story here so y'all know what I'm talking about, but I'm thoroughly against posting any writing that I'm even remotely happy with publicly. I'm always worried that it might get stolen!

HAHAHA OH WOW.
Flatter yourself, honey.
Christ.

Which sucks and people are stupid for stealing other people's works. So you all get to make up your own story for my marks and story.

Oh I get to make up my own story.
I'm going to write a book that's entirely blank but the first line on the first page is "make up your own story."

On a darker note, my tooth really fucking hurts! I think it's my wisdom tooth, but I'm too scared to find out. I don't want to have to get them removed. Owie!

That's your fucking darker note?
Your tooth hurts?
And you claim to be an expert on horror and suspense-- not buying it.
Oh shit now there are entries hidden behind a cut.
Thanks for nothing.
Cunt.
OH BOY AN ENTRY HIDDEN BEHIND A CUT WITH THE TAGS "DEPRESSION" AND "ANGST".

I find that there is always something I can't fully explain. Whether it be why I'm so emotionally depressed 98.7% of the time, or why I enjoy doing the things that I do.

I wish that I felt happier most of the time. I wish that time could slow down and let me catch up, let me make good first impressions,

Oh so it's their fault that you're an unlikeable twat.
Did you seriously just blame others for your inability to make first impressions?
I've seen some blame shifting in my time but this has to be one of the more brazen attempts I've seen.

let me show people that I can be that good person that some people think I am. Well, I may not actually be that person, but I can be, with a lot of faking and a faux perfected smile.

Oh so you have the potential to be a good person.
Who gives a shit?
I have the potential to be a fucking astronaut but I'm not.
So speaking of boundless potential I was grinding culinarian in FFXIV (because culinarian sucks and is really hard to level so when they fix food in the next patch I'll have a market fucking locked down until everyone else can catch up) and I finally hit rank 30 when Edie learned this ability:

She's also a fairly accomplished thaumaturge (or "miracle worker" if you're not too familiar with Greek) knowing life's purpose-- working miracles--
Who knew Edie would turn out to be such a Christ figure?
Also SHUT THE FUCK UP SPATZ STURM YOU WEEABOO FUCK I'M TRYING TO TAKE A GODDAMN PHOTO FOR HUMOROUS EFFECT.
Also when I used Life's Purpose it was to turn fish into sand.
So the implication I'm getting here is the goal in life is to turn fish into sand.
Or maybe Edie is trying to teach us that we are all going to return to sand, like the fish.
SUCH WISDOM.
Like dust in the wind, dude.
Deep.
Ohhhh goodness.
"This sand is my body and this sand is my blood."
Somehow I think the Sermon on The Mount would have gone differently if Edie were in charge.
Conjuring plagues and sandstorms out of nowhere.
FUCK MY FOLLOWERS AHAHAHAHAHA.
She has quite the insatiable bloodlust for a Christ figure.

5 years of customer service has shown me that pretending is a lot easier now then it used to be as a child. I'm quicker to hide and judge, but also quicker to tell people that I outright hate or like someone. A surely unattractive quality.

I met someone like you in real life once. Also in college. She looked at me around the fourth day of class and said "I don't think I like you" so I looked at her without a change in my expression and said "good that means I must be doing something right in life" and she looked like she was going to cry.
NONE CAN MATCH MY MIGHT.

I like to mope, but I also like to express. I flourish in emotion. But I do not communicate my own inner turmoil as well as I could. I write, I draw, I thrash. I scream, I yell, I anguish. But not publicly. Shame really.

If you truly wish to master troll-fu you must first master the roiling emotion in your own heart.
You must be as implacable as the surging waves on the ocean and as placid as a still pool.
Am I writing a Zen text or trolling technique?
It's Zen and trolling.
The Buddha himself said there were as many paths to enlightenment as there were men that walketh upon the Earth.

I wish that the people I work with would stop assuming I'm a lesbian. Just because I haven't had a boyfriend and I'm almost 19 doesn't automatically make me gay.

You never sound gayer than when you're saying "I'm not gay".

One last thing. I HATE HATE HATE it when Ricardo calls me CUTE. "Why are you sooo cute?"
Why don;t you go tell your GIRLFRIEND that you think she's cute. What if I told her you think I'm cute. Hmmm? What's gonna happen then?

Fine don't take the compliment.
I saw your picture. He's far more generous than he has any reason to be.

Stupid customers making fun of the goth girl who came in. "Hey, did you see that Hellowe'en costume over there?" "EXCUSE ME? I'm a fucking goth. Don't even start." "Seriously?" "Yes." "Whoa, true Surrey Girl." "GTFO OMG DICKHEAD."

I've never thought to call a Goth a Halloween costume somehow.
Making a note for future use--
Well thank you, anonymous shop workers in balmy London who I don't know and will never know-- you've single-handedly been more useful than all blogs I've reviewed combined.
Anyway the only reason I did this entry in the first place was because I had that "Life's Purpose" bit already planned out. I guess I'm out, then.
I believe Warhammer said it best and succinctly (like always):
"We are judged in life by the evil we destroy."

The greatest man is but a ripple on the surface of space.

ARE YOU READ TO (VIEW CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS)?

What is the scariest horror flick you’ve seen?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh--
Haxan, I guess.
Gotta pick a silent movie, I think.

Real life.

HAAAAA except real life isn't a movie you stupid cunt.

The thing about doing routine housekeeping on the "Manage Message Settings" page is that, speaking as a philosopher with a particular interest in the nature of the relationship of logical to metaphysical possibility, I actually really do want to be notified if "someone comments on a deleted entry in [info]some_community".

As a philosopher completely disinterested in everything I usually have all those "notification" settings turned off.
I don't even know what "relationship of logical to metaphysical possibility" even means.
All joking aside I'm not a philosopher but I have to assume she's applying "logical" as an extension of things that exist rationally (as in you can prove them through mathematics or theorize they exist through science or whatever) versus "metaphysical" which is typically the attempt to explain how things are or what they're like--
I guess I'm not smart enough to understand this phrase, really, because it still doesn't make a ton of sense to me. I guess she's attempting to use metaphysics as a soft philosophy and logic as a hard philosophy (the idea of "hard and soft" philosophy is ridiculous to me) but that's apparently how this is going.

Because that would change everything forever and my place in history would be secured once and for all.

Your place in history-- what?
Someone deleted a Livejournal comment-- let's not go fucking crazy, here.
I know I don't typically do this but I have to draw your attention to a comment on this entry from "anasognosia" which is Greek for "I'm a massive twat":

Maybe logic is an essentially linguistic phenomenon and coheres with metaphysical possibility in the mediated sense that the logically impossible is nonsense. :/

Am I dying?
Incidentally you will never find someone more anti-this-kind-of-bullshit than me. I'm sure a lot of people will call this ant-intellectual but I fail to see how this will ever produce anything meaningful or relevant.
Philosophy is for shit that can't be proven through math or science like "what's the best method of government?" or "why are people such enormous twats?" or "why does this blog exist?"
It has its place and this isn't it.
Oh God this debate goes on in the comments section and they're pulling something called "Hampel's Dilemma" into it-- I don't know what that means but it sounds amazing.
Oh, Wikipedia says it should be spelled "Hempel", my mistake.

Hempel's Dilemma is a question first asked (at least on record) by the philosopher Carl Hempel. It has relevance to naturalism and physicalism in philosophy, and to philosophy of mind.

Naturalism, in at least one rough sense, is the claim that the entire world may be described and explained using the laws of nature, in other words, that all phenomena are natural phenomena. This leaves open the question of what is 'natural', but one common understanding of the claim is that everything in the world is ultimately explicable in the terms of physics. This is known as physicalism.

Oh.
Whatever.
Hey I have a dilemma for you Hempel: what's it like knowing you'll die alone for this shit?
Think about it. Girls want a successful guy but he's successful for this shit, something that's sure to scare most sane people away.
So if he stops doing this shit he'll be a loser, but he's a loser because he does this shit.
WELCOME TO HELL.
Here's a post entitled "you can't win" which oddly, despite my personal code and philosophy not containing the words "physicalism", "logic" or such douchey phrases as "metaphysical possibility" it is somehow equipped to handle the "no win" situation.
In fact, the page isn't even loading at this point. I consider this a sign of Zeus.
Have you ever had trouble loading my blog?
Exactly.
Oh it's a joke (I think) that went way over (or under) my head.
My brain and balls are starting to hurt.

Do you believe in the concept of a soulmate? Do you think you've met him or her? Do you ever worry that "the one" got away?

This is a writer's block and I can't wait for the response.
I'm sure it'll be excellent.

There's a quiz on quizfarm.com titled "If you were toast, what would you be?" Well, that's obvious, isn't it? Toast.

No. Not applicable. No. Next!

You know what's a great answer? "Not applicable".
Hang on a second. The question is "do you believe in the concept of a soulmate?" so a response of "not applicable" would intrinsically imply such a thing does exist because it's possible to apply it to a situation but it's just not applicable to you which is pretty much as I suspected: you are unlovable.
One of her tags is "Chaos is tasty" which I'm pretty sure qualifies as heresy.

The expression O(OA -> A) of deontic logic can be stated in English as "It ought to be that what ought to be, is".

I have a new expression. It's a middle finger and it means "fuck you".
Doesn't logic kind of escape the argument when you say shit like "welp, it ought to be"?

It occurs to me that logical notation and poetry both exist to say a certain kind of thing more precisely than prose can...

Because when I think poetry, oh yeah, I think of the grammatical nightmare that is "it ought to be that what ought to be, is".
Seriously I just said that phrase aloud and my hands involuntarily tried to strangle me.
Also I can't think of anything less precise than that syntactical abortion. To what does "it" refer? Isn't that just ultimately a statement that something is the thing it is? Isn't that a redundant statement to begin with?
Fuck it.
Seriously this blog is taking forever to load when I click on each new entry. It's like my browser is asking me "are you sure about this? I'm gonna give you a lot of time to change your mind--" which is thoughtful of my browser, honestly.

This is the meme that goes...

1. Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
2. Turn to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post that sentence along with these instructions in your LiveJournal.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

Oh boy.
Let's see who has the cooler sentence.
"The different weapon types are: blast, flame, rapid fire, pistol, heavy, barrage and linked."
-The Warhammer 40,000 3rd edition rulebook
Why was the 3rd closer than the current one?
I don't know.

But in my case we'll have to be more specific than "me" to have a meaningful metric for "closest".

I can be more specific. The stupid cunt that keeps this fucking abortion of a blog.
Asshole.

The problem, you see, is that the books closest to me at the moment are the ones in the crate bookcase under the desk, which are closer to my left knee than any book is to, for example, my hand, or my eyeball. Yet, for any arbitrary point on my left knee there's at least one book in the top crate that's n centimeters from that point, so if my left knee is to be the focal point, then "closest" isn't uniquely determined. I'd have to call it a 14-way tie. That's a lot of typing.

How about this: you get the one that is most convenient.

However, the books close to my left big toe are at least as close to my toe as the ones close to my knee are to my knee, perhaps actually closer, and if the locus of "me" is my left big toe then it's only a 4-way tie. That's a lot less typing.

I believe the locus of you is your face because that's the part I'd most like to hit.

So, for simplicity, let's say that "closest" is defined by proximity to my left big toe. In which case...

• "Still others, perhaps a quarter of the total population, waited passively, ready -- almost happy -- to expiate the sins of the human race." — The Best of Jack Vance

So after all that, that's your fucking sentence.
Not even a single mention of the possibility of blast weaponry.
Huh, well, can't say I'm surprised in the least.

I think the trouble I have with [thing] is that... feeling stupid is an integral and inescapable part of learning. It usually means you're doing something right. Too much fear of feeling stupid can be a serious obstacle to one's intellectual development, not to mention depriving you of the thrill of finally getting it.

I feel eternally intelligent because I avoid complete douchebaggery like this.
I don't give a shit if I don't understand math because at the very least I've avoided this sinkhole.
Also I was thinking about the earlier statement of "poetry and logic" and I found some real poetry for you assholes:

Arma virumque cano, Troiae qui primus ab oris
Italiam, fato profugus, Laviniaque venit
litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto
vi superum saevae memorem Iunonis ob iram;
multa quoque et bello passus, dum conderet urbem,
inferretque deos Latio, genus unde Latinum,
Albanique patres, atque altae moenia Romae.

It's The Aeneid, you cunts.
No HURRR DURRRRR THINGS THAT BE IM BE.
It is in Latin, though. Sometimes you have to go to great lengths to divorce yourself from douchebaggery and I currently feel that because the blog I'm reviewing is in English English is now tainted. But I agree to battle the blog on its own terms so I must endure.

Susceptibility to the occasional fit of feeling hopelessly lost also isn't something that ever really goes away, unless, like an exclusive restaurant, an hour comes when your mind is Full To Capacity and any new ideas will be turned away at the door.

Pain is an illusion of the senses but despair is an illusion of the mind.
Also from the Warhammer rulebook.
It's a philosophical text and a board game.

Were I blessed with infinite free time, I'd do some digging to find the first documented use of the word fiasco in reference to the Debian PRNG debacle.

Obviously you are blessed with near unlimited free time.
I use this entry as my evidence.
Before I end this (because I'm not getting into this bullshit): PRNG is a "pseudo random number generator" because computers are unable to generate truly random numbers and so rely on complex mathematical formulas to generate numbers that are to a casual observer truly random.
The most famous of which is probably the Mersenne Twister. I include that because I think it sounds cool.

The only reason I disagree with the term "fiasco", though, is that in my idiolect a fiasco is a disaster so awful it's funny.

Idiolect is right. Idiot.
Jeeeeeeeesus Christ, what a waste.

Stand Back

I'm gonna open it--
What do you do when a blog is rated 18+ CONTENT NOT APPROPRIATE FOR MINORS but some entries aren't hidden behind a cut? I'm just sitting here looking at one that is hidden behind a cut like what may be contained underneath is the ARK OF THE COVENANT.
Then my face is going to melt like a Nazi scientist.

Which television show continues to get worse every season and should just get cancelled already?

Dexter.
To say that the newer seasons aren't up to the standards of the first season is an understatement.

My qualified answer is Glee. It was cheeky and grown up the first season. Now it's a teenage sensation. Bring it back to what it was and it could be great again.

Your qualified answer, as opposed to all these unqualified answers.
What are your qualifications, again?
Here we go, an entry entitled "Punching the Air! The Muse is BACK!!!" and the dreaded
"( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )"
I feel I should suit up for this. In fact, I recommend you suit up as well. Hazardous environment suits go.
I'm not going to recommend the exact type of containment suit but I look like this currently:
And I suggest you look about the same.

And she is timey-whimy, and adventurous, Emo, and sexy as can be. WOO HOO!!!!!

Your tricks all worked, F-Listers. I'm not quite sure what pushed it over the edge... I think it may have something to do with knowing Mr. Who is coming home this afternoon

RATED 18+

So here's a sneak peak... Yes, I'm pimping Let's Get Lost, because frankly, it's not getting a lot of love, and that's making the Who a little bit sad.

FOR ADULTS ONLY
Oh and we're going to get a sneak peek into a fanfiction.
A sexy fanfiction with this bullshit rating system, I suspect.
Can one man be this blessed?
Good thing I suited up beforehand. I am prepared to crush any heresy I see.

"That song," he traced her jawline with his fingertip, "was playing the second time I made you scream my name that night." She shuddered as the warm breath of his words met her ear. "And then there you were... I saw you framed in that doorway... the way the light from the hallway played on you -- you looked like a glowing goddess."

I know power armor was designed to deflect small arms fire and can even absorb the hellish microwave inferno of a meltagun but I don't believe it was designed to absorb this much douchebaggery.

Ian cupped her cheek. "You were singing that song... to me." He stroked her brow, wiping a stray hair away from her face. "I just… couldn’t take it anymore." He nuzzled her neck and breathed her in.

I AM WREATHED IN WARPFIRE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH--
Oh boy, another cut.
Are you ready for this?
Note that this cut means it is for ADULTS ONLY 18+ the same age you need to be to buy cigarettes and enlist in the armed forces.
Are you ready for this?
You're never going to guess what it contains!

FYI, Dame Tyler has updated her blog :D Just thought you should know.

OH MY GOD FUCKING THANKS FOR THIS CUT! I MIGHT HAVE HAD TO SHIELD A YOUNG CHILD'S EYES FROM DAME TYLER UPDATING HER BLOG!

I started out with a rogue muse; now I have a confused muse.

There are only 9 muses.
What, does everyone need their own muse now?
Also the muses, at least classically and therefore THE ONLY MUSES THAT COUNT only inspired great people whose talent was worthy of their attention.
Fucking they wouldn't come to the aid of every twat who writes fanfiction.
In fact, I do believe there's a passage in The Theogony where someone tries to invoke a muse over fanfiction and Apollo, the protective brother of the muses, shoots the asshole with a silvery dart right in the fucking coconut.

I've been writing the outline for "Let's Get Lost" for a week now, and I'm no further along plot-wise than I was a week ago.

Also the muses don't get frustrated. Their talent is beyond mortal understanding.
God, no one understands the point of the muses. It's not supposed to be your fucking dipshit fanfiction personified. They're supposed to represent an eternal ideal that no man can fully capture.
Jesus Christ bronze age mythology is too complicated for you idiots. This is shit invented by people who literally didn't know to not shit where they draw their water and it's still a little above you.

Additionally, I've been told (and I'm so glad that I was) by a Native Scot that NO ONE says "Wee Lassie"... so there is going to be a confrontation between Ian and Ginger about this phrase.

Can a native Scot tell me what BRAW WIRK, LASSIE means because someone said it to my Final Fantasy character yesterday in a cutscene and I just sat there.
Braw wirk-- good work?
Good work, girl?
SPEAK ENGLISH YOU CUNTS JESUS.

I have a muse gone rogue.

My next story, "Let's Get Lost" was supposed to be a funny, humorous and romantic romp through time and space (how's that for cookie cutter description?).

Well, that's not where the muse is taking me.

Okay I've pulled up a list of all 9 muses.
Let's see which unfortunate gets the title "muse of fanfiction".

Calliope--the muse of epic poetry

Somehow I doubt the muse that inspired The Odyssey and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight bothers with Dr. Who fanfiction.

Clio--the muse of history

Somehow I doubt the muse that inspired The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire gives two shits about who Dr. Who should have really fucked because, like, they totally belong together.
Now I'm going to cut this short for your benefit, reader, but let me say this repeats seven more times.
LJ won't let me update my Master Fic List!!! Keep getting "500 Internal Server Error" messages. Does anyone know what this means? Is there a problem in the HTML??? I've cut and pasted into a new post, removed the LJ-cut, etc... put it back into a normal post-date rather than dating out of order...
HOW DO I FIND OUT WHAT THINGS MEAN?
GOOGLE.COM? WHAT'S THAT?
WIKIPEDIA.ORG? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
OTHER THINGS I DON'T KNOW:
ASKING A FRIEND
WAITING A LITTLE BIT AND SEEING IF THE PROBLEM FIXES ITSELF

st: I don't use LJ for political purposes... this is my happy place. I don't want drama here. Too much drama in real life.

Second: "conservative" may mean something different in the US than it does in, say, England, Australia, Czech Republic or Japan.

Third: I'm a woman of faith, a Christian specifically, but I do not equate the Creator of the Universe with Republican. I think He's sort of above that, don't you?

As you may know I often like to include song lyrics in my entries so I will anger myself later when I reread it.
In the interest of doing that:
so you think I've got an evil mind
I'll tell you honey,
I don't know why
I don't know why
so you think my singing's out of time
it makes me money
I don't know why
I don't know why anymore
OHHHH NOOOOO
You're welcome, me.

Especially since I believe he's the God of the entire universe, not America alone.

So all of that being said...

Probably the most interesting thing to happen this entry was the lyrics I just posted.
This entry is pretty bad, not gonna lie.

Politically, I am conservative with ever-growing libertarian leanings. Don't unfriend me liberal friends! I enjoy your opinions and viewpoints, and have quite a few very liberal friends.

I took like a 500 point political quiz and needless to say I didn't understand the results.

What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

I already told you idiots the correct answer to this question.
The answer is Yojimbo and yes there should be an American remake because there already is one and it's called Fistful of Dollars.

Hmmmm. Big question. Too many choices. I will answer the second half of the second half of the question, though. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Okay, I've decided, but I can't choose just one. It is a tie between Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Life is Beautiful.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
Did you know the plot to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon doesn't make sense to Western audiences?
It's true. If you thought you understood that movie you are sadly mistaken.
It's not your fault, though. The reason it made no sense is because it's a movie adaptation of a book series and IT'S PART FUCKING FOUR.
This is really boring, did I mention that?
I think I'm going to go do something else now.

I go with vigilance

No hope in defiance.
It's one of those blogs, man.
One of them blogs.

What is the one song you must sing at karaoke?

Today's writer's block. Some toolfactory said Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. Somehow I doubt he was aware that song doesn't have lyrics. Most people would think he was making an inept joke but no.
Luckily our blogger today had more to say:

Well I don't sing Karaoke in public. But I always always sing Roger Miller's King of the Road.

I DON'T SING KARAOKE SO I'LL BE SURE TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION.

What was the biggest lesson learned from your adolescence?

The biggest lesson I learned from my adolescence is TO OPPOSE US IS BLASPHEMY.
Wait, no, that's Warhammer again.

That boys and men alike are pigs and only want one thing.

I always find this interesting line of logic that goes something like it's okay to say this shit as long as it's directed towards men but the second I say something like "most women I meet are childish and infantile" suddenly I'm a sexist pig.
MMMMM YEAH. But unlike this cunt I don't give a shit about any perceived double standards. I just do what I want anyway.

Yesterday Kaylee got her shots finally. Had a small problem with insurance. Apparently I had the wrong card. I hate DSHS.

I find when you're trying to make interesting posts it's important to start with as many simple sentences in a row so your writing is as choppy as possible.
Yeah, I should take this time to mention that what originally raised my ire for this blog was she has this book meme where every day it's "a book you hated" or "a book you think is overrated" and needless to say she isn't making very good decisions with her life.

Day 11 – A book you hated

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

I hate Holden Caulfield. He is an awful person and a very unlikable character in a book.

LOOK AT ME I'M MISSING THE POINT OF EVERYTHING AND I'LL DIE ANGRY.

The book was written from his point of view. He is a very selfish, judgemental, and horrible person. Never a nice thing to say about anyone or anything. If he were a real person, I would be raging against him instead of John Mayer.

I'M AN ENORMOUS DIPSHIT.

Day 03 – Your favorite series

This is difficult. It seems I am big on reading series books. I loved The Dark Tower series by Stephen King

I hate The Catcher in the Rye but anything by Stephen King is gold.
WHAT KIND OF BIZARRO EARTH ARE YOU LIVING ON, WOMAN?

Day 01 – Best book you read last year

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Ohhhh boy, now we're going to have some words.
Margret Atwood is the biggest literary hack I can think of. Even Stephen King's books, as bad and poorly conceived as they are, at least have a bit of honesty to them. He starts out thinking of a cool premise for a horror story and doesn't really follow through. You know what you're getting when you come in and he makes no excuses about his writing.
Margaret Atwood, however, is always the same trope: "I'm going to base this on some literary classic and say 'well, Odysseus may have almost drowned five times and gotten eaten by a sea monster but you know who had it really tough? HIS WIFE!'" Yeah, just what I wanted to read about. Penelope doing nothing instead of ADVENTURES ON THE HIGH SEAS. And it's all some bullshit attempt to talk about feminism. I can think of nothing tackier than trying to inject some bullshit slant to a classic.
No shit, people weren't exactly enlightened about women's lib in 800 BC. Get over it.
The part that slays me though is in a class where we're reading classics I had to read excerpts from crap like this and The Wide Sargasso Sea (had to read all of that fuck) like these somehow parallel the thing they're based on.
Margaret Atwood, you are not Homer.
Whoever wrote The Wide Sargasso sea (some dick I think), you are not Charlotte Bronte.

I wouldn't want to live in a world like this. Reverting back to women not having any rights, or anything. I would just as soon kill myself. It was a good book though. I recommend it highly, not for young minds though.

If I recall Margaret Atwood's stories were always borderline pornographic.
I'm sure she had all sorts of fucked up fetishes. I'm not buying that she wrote this graphically to depict how awful it is to be a woman.

The Synopsis from Goodreads:

It is the world of the near future, and Offred is a Handmaid in the home of the Commander and his wife. She is allowed out once a day to the food market, she is not permitted to read, and she is hoping the Commander makes her pregnant, because she is only valued if her ovaries are viable.

See what I mean?
Ugh, forget it.

Today feels like it has potential to get worse. The desire to turn off my phone and the computer for the day is tempting. I really need a nap, I generally get the desire to sleep all the time when I am on my time of the month. I have no energy at all. I feel like I am getting cranky and real whiny.

Come hang out in my linkshell if you're cranky and whiny.
I'm the elected den mother of my pack of misfits, too, so I'm sure we'll get along well.

I am hungry too, I am gonna make something to eat pretty soon. I think cigarette smoke upsets my allergies. I don't get sneezing until I get a whiff of it. That and my mom smoking pot in her room gets it going too.

Cool mom.
Ooooooh boy.
How is it I always find myself in positions of leadership? I am the last person you want telling anyone else want to do and yet I have a linkshell that's near capacity and I taught about 80 people to read.
How did I get here?

Day 26 ⇝ What kind of person attracts you

I am not a shallow person. Looks aren't priority for me. However, With that being said, there has to be some kind of physical attraction or it really won't work.

>looks aren't a priority
>if there isn't physical attraction it won't work
Just admit looks do matter, Christ.

No one can roll over the next morning and see their partner and wonder if they had been drinking the night before. I mostly look for someone who can put up with my crap.

Real catch here, gentlemen.

haha. I am a uber geeky anime convention magic the gathering playing nerd. I play video games. I read books. I am weird! I am looking for someone with the same qualites so that we can nerd out together! Also, I am looking for someone who is kindhearted, and sweet. But hates people as much as I do.

Oddly the quality that makes me hate people makes me equally intolerant of you.
Strange disconnect on your part, there.

Basically, A nerd who is sweet, awesome, and has a sense of humor. and I have already found someone who fits all of these.

Lucky him.
Wait a minute
>sweet
>hates humanity
I'm not an expert on human emotion by any stretch but what?

I know having a baby really changes things. I don't get to see friends hardly, or go anywhere. And if I do go somewhere I can only go for a short time, because I can't have my baby out for too long, or if I have a sitter I don't want to put them off their whole day.

RESPONSIBILITY. It's like you shouldn't get knocked up when you are unprepared for the responsibility of raising a child or something, fuck!

I got TANF from DSHS.

Yeah well I got ERG from PZYJ.
The fuck?

They are going after Chad for Child Support now. After they get him in for a paternity test. I have been a bit anxious that he will start wanting visitation. I know he will not get custody, but I really am not comfortable with him being around her. I am not angry with him anymore, but I am just uncomfortable. He is beyond negative about EVERYTHING. He is an alcoholic, he has some issues I think he needs to seek help for. I believe he is bi polar.

The perfect father for my child.
Good fucking work.
I don't understand women who would reproduce with someone like this. I know accidents happen and you thought you were in love and whatever else you people think but honest to God can't you use some critical thinking or good judgment skills once in your fucking lives?

He needs to talk to someone. He needs to seek help for alcoholism. He needs to pull himself out of this denial he lives in. HE is so down in the dumps. Who wouldn't be, with being homeless? He put himself there though. He refuses to take responsibility for anything and actually do the work to make his life better.

So we take the child from her where it's raised in some sort of monastery setting to--
I don't know. I had only envisioned this strategy to raise super soldiers and she had a daughter.
Can women be super soldiers?
Not in any media I've ever seen.

But the ending result was so worth it. Into the world came Kaylee Rose. She is precious. I am so happy to have her. Being a mom is amazing.

Her father is a douche, and I am not comfortable with her being around him and I will fight any attempt he tries to get visitation. Unless it is supervised. I don't know. I want nothing to do with him. the only thing he gave me was this little precious girl and I am thankful for only that.

And yet you have no qualms trying to bleed support out of him.
Of course he should support his child, and if he's unfit to visit her--
I don't know, honestly. I'm just so disgusted with both parties I feel the only solution is to drown all parties in ammonia.
Now there's a Facebook argument where dog toys are compared to the expenses incurred with a newborn--
This is all very white trash but please.

I like not having to go to work, only because I hate my job. I am very bored otherwise and I am going crazy just being at home all day.

Wonder how she manages to not work.
HOW'S IT GOING, TAX PAYERS?
HOW'S THAT ECONOMY TREATING YOU?
No, that's unfair. I don't know for certain that's how she makes her money--
hmm.

My own crap

I need to get a better job. I need to straighten out my finances. I am now on a budget. A very tight one. I need to save up money for a bed... AGAIN. I gave it to my mom to help her out. I need to get back into school, and I will when Kaylee is born. Everything I have planned will come after the baby is born. It's just the waiting that kills me.

Yeah--
yeah.
Speaking of, time to check my email to see if I get to WORK FOR ANIME~
NO RESPONSE.
I guess I should give them more than 24 hours to hire me.
I actually gave them about four before I started checking my email religiously.
Hoooo boy.
Anyway what follows is HURRR DURRRR DURRRRRR so I think I'm done.

BY THE EMPEROR!

Holy shit, motherfucker.
Click on this.
Feel your hate grow in size and intensity.
That is, in fact, black font on a background image that is mostly black.
Even if the image were predominantly yellow this would be so noisy it'd give you a migraine, it'd cause eye strain, it'd probably make you go blind or cause serious retinal damage-- basically anything short of having your head explode.
I know it's a little much to ask of these shit-chucking apes to have a little web design sense but I don't think it's unreasonable to have the FUCKING THING LEGIBLE.
First step: view > page style > no style.
Of course "no style" is what it had before. I'd call black text on white background minimalist.
First thing that assaults my senses after the wonderful taste in layout is a Writer's block and a comic straight from the bowels of Reddit.
Haven't heard of Reddit?
Consider yourself fortunate.

Living in a mind that can be swayed by emotional states makes you more robotic than living in a mind that can see beyond a current emotional state. Being a slave to your cheers and tears does not mean you have "free will", in fact, it's quite the opposite.

I don't think you want me to submit to cold logic because it would cry out for your destruction, scum.

Granted, it is important to consider your own emotions when making decisions, but they shouldn't go uncriticized and they shouldn't be the only thing considered (you selfish fucks). Seeing as most emotional schemas are generated by upbringing, which is a product of environment (aka groupthink), "trusting your gut" may actually be perpetuating a negative status quo.

Things that should go through your head when you decide to do something:
1. Will it benefit me?
2. How much will it benefit me?
3. Is it illegal?
4. How likely am I to get caught if it is illegal?
5. Am I pussy?
6. Can I handle the fallout if it's something bad (see previous)?
Based on these six simple questions you can make all decisions.

There is a reason why the majority of people are referred to as automatons by the "elite". It's because most people ARE practically machines. They behave predictably and follow direct command without question. If you don't feel resistive pressure coming from inside against the constructs that surround you and try to drown your soul, then you are under the spell of maturity. "Maturity" seems to be synonymous with accepting defeat, believing the beast will protect you as long as you feed it.

That's a good point. I'm going to start being mature (or the opposite of mature, whatever you're on about) by ignoring your hippie FUCK THE MAN bullshit.

So I am at a crossroads. Should I start doing heroin, or should I start cutting myself while listening to Avenge Sevenfold?

It's funny you consider yourself a free thinker when your alternative to submitting to "the man" and being happy (two things somehow joined in your mind as you later claim happiness is an illusion) and yet your immediate choices really do strike me as a decision best made in Hot Topic.

I just heard a body spray ad say "leave your own mark on the world"! HOW HOW HOW HOW??!! With your body spray or by pissing?!!! The former isn't MY mark, it's yours you fucking assface, and the latter is just gross! They are trying to meld our instincts with consumerism!!! RUN!!!

Oh it was a fucking commercial you dipshit get over it. They want your stupid ass to buy their shitty product and they know you're too much of a hapless moron to think for yourself so they tell you girls will hump your leg like dogs if you wear this shit so you do it.
But no, you're too smart for that.
Not smart enough to actually be an original thinker but, you know, original enough to realize the aforementioned ad is bullshit. You just don't know what to do about it.

Divide and conquer. ALPHA MALE ALPHA MALE ALPHA MALE SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT WAR IS FUN WAR IS FUN WAR IS FUN WAR IS FUN WAR IS FUN.

Oh Christ with the melodrama. They wanted to sell you Axe, they're not trying to send you off to war. Get over it.

The war on christmas is made up. It's christians simply trying to make it seem like they are being oppressed (I am aware not all christians are like this, so this entry is NOT about them).

You know what you are you over-analytical piece of shit? A tender misanthrope. You'll gladly sit here and hate Christians-- but you're willing to make room in your heart "for the real Christians".
I say fuck you take all this shit and cram it.

I dreamed that there was this group of people wandering the streets acting as a collective force. They would gang up on random individuals or smaller groups of people on the street (without even being provoked) and tell them to join their group with the threat of violence. They would tell you that your regular life is over and that you are now a part of them (no more life to yourself). You will do as they say and do or you will be hurt or killed.

No hope in defiance.
You know I'm sure he's about to turn this into FUCK THE MAN FUCK SOCIETY but I'd like to point out this is the very same society that lets him sit on his ass, utilizing the most WONDROUS INVENTION EVER to type this bullshit against the very system he hates so much.

No one would stand up to them because they were everywhere and too numerous.
At one point I was absorbed, but only in body. My mind was not about to adopt their philosophies. It was scary and vivid as fuck. I woke up to a relief, but that feeling faded because this dream was merely a more concentrated version of reality.

You know there's an entire wilderness west of where you live most likely. You could easily pack your shit and wander off into the woods and be no man's slave then.
Now here's a gay quiz where it determines what color your rainbow is tinted. Can't believe I waste my time with this nonsense. Why would you even link this in a blog? Who cares what color your fucking rainbow is?
I got gray.
Thanks a lot, internet.
Gray rainbow. Brilliant.
Oh but look at this shit:

What is says about you: You are an elegant person. You appreciate tradition and wisdom that comes with age.

YEAAAAH CLASSY SHIT HERE.

The idea of life imprisonment is ridiculous as well. I am going to spell this out simply: NO ONE SHOULD SERVE A PRISON TERM LONGER THAN 15 YEARS FOR ANY CRIME. I think after fifteen years a mass murderer would have learned his or her lesson. If not, then let those who were victimized shoot him or her in the fucking head! Problems solve themselves when law enforcement doesn't get in the way and cause the willing the dwell on their angst.
Oh boy I'm sure your society would be great to live in.

What's the difference between a perceived sleight and a real sleight?
TO MOST PEOPLE THEY ARE THE SAME THING.
Uuuuuuuh fuck this asshole.
Change your background, dipshit.

Reap the Malediction

Have you ever been looking for a shitty blog to review and you come across a blog so smug you want to reach through your monitor and strangle them?
No?
Just a strange feeling I get sometimes.
I had two choices for blogs today. One was the ramblings of a fucking mental patient but that was so incoherent and divorced from reality I don't think it would make a very entertaining post unless you like to read me say WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING NUTBALL over and over.
Here we have the ominously titled "I'm not friend list padding. And I don't want your spam." from the even more ominously named "Givegodtheglory"
Ohhhhhh boy.

If you have the opportunity to be someone else for one week then who would you be? Tell us why and what you would do.

Today's writer's block. The amount of people saying they'd be their girlfriend (implying you have girlfriends) because-- I don't know why. A lot of people said "because she's really hot" which is-- Freudian, to say the least.
I can't say I'm surprised from this lot, though.

1) LJ people, this title is offensive. I don't see you using or making fun of the slogans of other movements or religions, so you shouldn't do it to Christianity, either.

The title of this post is "What would ________ do" which by this user's logic you're only allowed to apply to Jesus because Christianity coined this phrase.
I don't believe it did but even if it did get over it.
It's not even making fun of it. You're just being butthurt to be butthurt.
In fact, I'm not sure you can even claim "what would ______ do" is a valid slogan for something because it's a perfectly rational question people ask themselves constantly.
Like when I'm filling out this job application I ask "what would my father do?" because he's an expert at this kind of bullshit. I don't say "what did Jesus have to say about bureaucracy?"
Fucking Christ you people need to cool it.

2)Hmm. Question's worded kind of poorly, valeriaanne. It kinda assumes that everybody would want to be someone else and would jump on the chance. Maybe a better way to word it would be, "If you have the opportunity to be someone else for one week, would you do it, and if so, who would you be?"

LOOK IF THE QUESTION IS SO OFFENSIVE AND POORLY WORDED WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING IT?
It's like when people in my LS are asking for the thousandth time where the new swimsuit event is. Too lazy to look at the patch notes? Well fuck you, I'm not answering your question.
I just don't say anything.

I'm afraid I wouldn't go for it. I'd rather just be myself.

After all that shit you were slinging you don't even have an interesting answer.
OH MY GOOOOD.

Who are your favorite television or movie villains? What makes them so deliciously evil?

Darth Vader. In less than five minutes after being introduced to him he's strangling someone.
Five minutes into watching Luke he's already whining. Han Solo is a smug motherfucker and Princess Leia is useless as always.
Darth Vader is a man who gets shit done.

This question seems to make unfounded assumptions and generalizations that everyone fangirls/boys out on media villains. Which is not the case.

A better wording would maybe be, "Do you have favorite television or movie villains? What do you like about them?"

I don't do 'deliciously evil', thanks.

I STAND FOR GODLINESS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS and blow it out your ass, Jesus.

Which song gives you goosebumps? Good or bad-- tell us why.

I was listening to some shitty local radio and this banshee named Adele turned my spine to broken glass with one of her songs. I think I was lucky to come out with my life on that one because as you know, once you hear the howl of the banshee you're already dead.

None. I guess music doesn't affect me that way.

What, are you a fucking android? You appear to have no emotions.
Ha, ha ha-- in fact, looking at her "current mood" thing it's general statements of being like "awake" or "drained" which a fucking electronic device could tell you that but tellingly her most common emotional state is "blank".
ASSAULT CANNONS TO ON POSITION.

Sure, the pros are obvious—but what are the cons of having a friend with benefits?

Oh look, it's this shit again.
I'm sure Our Martyred Lady has much to say on the matter.

I deny the existence of any pros to such a relationship. They're lazy, selfish, deceptive, and damaging.

The only one of these that's not unproven nonsense is lazy. They are a bit lazy, I'm not gonna lie.
In fact one could make an easy argument that they're the opposite of deceptive: they're brutally honest. Two people just want to fuck and don't want to build a relationship out of what boils down to carnal feelings only.
Damaging perhaps but not necessarily--
Selfish, I don't see how. Both parties gain from the arrangement I assume--
No, I think you're just wrong on this one.

There are no 'obvious pros' that I can see. It's just a pair of people who want to be pervs while still being able to go play the game with anyone else they want. Because they're not together! They're just 'friends with benefits'. *snort*

Besides the obvious fear of something you don't understand (human emotion) and the incredulous emotion that I believe hinges on jealousy I have yet to hear one compelling argument against this arrangement.

This question reeks with assumption. The assumption that everyone will think the same way you do, and very many don't.

To undertake our crusade is to be immortal.

Which book would you want to see turned into a videogame?

So I spent a lot of time thinking about this question recently and the only correct answer is The Odyssey.

This question has a lot of assumption in its wording. I think there are probably many people who have no interest in video games, much less turning them into books.

Yeah I have a question for you. Why are you such a cunt?

However, I am a nerd. So I do. I think I'd like a nice puzzle and level game based on 'Hind's Feet in High Places' by Hanna Hurnard. One where players could make their own custom character, and then meet with obstacles and answer Bible trivia questions on their way up through the levels. I'd have fun with that game.

That sounds like the least fun you can have and still call it a game.
Here, let me show you what makes a fun video game session:
First you get swimsuits for a DBG:
And then you put on your warface and punch demons:


If you notice the demon is so large you can barely see poor Edie.
Not pictured: LS leader yelling at me that I shouldn't be engaging Batraal (the demon)
HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MY NEED TO ENGAGE IN GLORIOUS HAND TO HAND COMBAT.
Also unpictured: me getting yelled at because I couldn't provoke 5 Purgatory Knights at once.
Toolbag.
WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT THE MAGES TO GET KILLED BY THE PURGATORY KNIGHTS TELL THEM TO FUCKING MOVE BEFORE THEY GET GRAVE REELED.
I CAN'T SAVE THEM FROM THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE. I HAD THREE OF THE FOUR AND THE LAST WAS FIGHTING ONE OF OUR ARCHERS.
We lost that fight, unfortunately. I blame a decided lack of zeal in this great undertaking.
But seriously we had three Japanese people as our healers and our glorious leader refused to stop using internet shorthand so bad I, a master of the English language, could barely understand.
Needless to say our friends from across the world had more difficulty than I and stopping in a harshly timed fight with demons and the undead to translate from idiot to English in my own mind before switching my input to Japanese and translating for them (or wrestling the shitty auto-translator) wasn't really a viable option.
Also I don't like to advertise the fact I can translate for them because I don't like to represent idiocy. I feel it reflects poorly on me.
Oh right, back to this.
Number of good games where DBGs fight demons: LOADS
Number of good games featuring Bible trivia: 0

What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

Yojimbo and there were several American remakes.
The best of which is the awesome Fistful of Dollars, in fact.
Oh yeah, a movie so awesome Clint Eastwood is in the American remake.
Take that, shitty American remake of shitty Japanese horror movies.
Then later there was a remake starring Bruce Willis but we don't talk about that.
Yeah, how about that, actually. A movie so badass the only people you can cast in the remakes are Clint Eastwood and Bruce Willis.
Basically the greatest story ever told, not gonna lie.

Not everyone has a favorite foreign film. Maybe a better way to word this would be, "Do you have a favorite foreign film? If you do, do you think there should be an American remake?"

If you don't have a favorite foreign film you haven't seen Yojimbo and therefore your opinion on movies is invalid.

What’s your favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and why?

Mazes and Monsters.
Mazes and Monsters--
Tom Hanks' first acting role, in fact. He plays a man that loses his mind over a Dungeons and Dragons game and thinks he is his Dungeons and Dragons character.
Because as we all know engaging in the "far out theater of the mind" that is Dungeons and Dragons is akin to selling your soul to the devil.
And before you think I'm making an elaborate joke I'm dead fucking serious.
Also if you're under the mistaken impression that Tom Hanks can act I suggest watching this movie.

Not everyone has a favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and you know what they say about assuming. Maybe a better wording would be, "Do you have a favorite Tom Hanks movie or character? If so, which and why?"

You know this is somehow more tedious than Victorgreywolf's (why can't I stop talking about this guy) token response of "your mother's crotch".

I... can barely remember any of his movies or characters. He's in the start of 'Buzz Lightyear of Star Command', but I like that for Buzz, not for Woody. Um...

So here's a thought for you. You don't like the question and you don't have a proper response.
DON'T FUCKING ANSWER IT YOU STUPID CUNT.

What kind of spiritual or meditative practice keeps you feeling zen?

I like to recite lines from Warhammer, regardless of how much sense they make out of context.
They fill the AIR with BLAAAAAAAAAAADES!

I don't do zen.

IT'S A TURN OF PHRASE YOU STUPID CUNT. WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP YOURSELF BALANCED?
Which when it comes to you I'm guessing defrag your hard drive because there's no way you're thinking with squishy human bits.
Bits of gold and lead for you, all the way.

If you're using the term figuratively rather than assumptively, though, I keep my peace of mind by talking to the God of the Bible and reading and thinking about said Bible, remembering all the things I have to feel thankful for (it's a big list), and trying to let God do His will through me (doing good stuff, but not for Brownie points).

His will be done.
The Emperor of Man, that is.
Also I'm pretty sure this is the logic used to undertake all the crusades.
In fact Pope Leo X I believe it was even has this awesome speech that boils down to "The Bible says 'vengeance is mine' but what's to say the good Lord isn't working his vengeance through us?"
Ooooooh goodness. Anyway this entry has banged on long enough and it's barely about this blogger in the first place.
Anyway have fun being an android.