Fuck off

Fuck off I mean goddamn
First of all look at that travesty.
I'm going fucking blind trying to read it.

The new henchboss turned out to be just like its predecessors, and will always kowtow to incompetent users rather than supporting me. Note to myself... Stop caring, dammit, and be content with the paycheck. Pride in work well done does not pay grocery bills.

Punk motherfucker

If I can, I'll leave work early and do a bit of 'carpentry' in the garage.

Jerking off in the garage.
Got it.
Protip, dipshit: don't put inverted single quotes around a word if you don't want it to sound filthy.
I'm going to get some 'reading' done in my room later.
SEE?

I tend to put quotes around the word because saying that what I do is carpentry would be the same as my sticking my hand inside a sock to make a puppet of it and then pretending I'm the equal of Shari Lewis.

Hey man I don't judge.
Hand puppets to jerk off.
Whatever.

All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

IN HELL
no I dunno.
This is a guy incidentally.
In case you couldn't tell.

He says he has a wife but uhhh I think he's lying because as we all know: all guys with blogs are gay.
My wife says the best word to describe my body type is 'sinewy'.
("Hah!")
What? Are you trying to insinewate something?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

On Friday, when I told my cubicle neighbor that, for the 2nd day in a row I'd be leaving at 3:30pm instead of 4pm, a discussion ensued about it'd then be better to describe my reputation as soiled or tarnished. We decided that 'tarnished' sounded better since it suggests there's something like silver under it.

Is it possible to be this boring?
Jesus Christ.
Say something interesting.

I've seen vehicles with a Christian Fish with sharp teeth eating a Darwin Fish. Yesterday I saw a vehicle where a T-rex is eating a Christian Fish. I don't really care much fo either sentiment and I'm an atheist.

You know what throws me right the fuck off?
Those family stickers on cars.
You know the kind that shows exactly the contents of the car so I know who to hate while I'm driving behind them?
Mama cunt and a daddy cunt and three little baby cunts and I HOPE THEY ALL DROWN IN AMMONIA.

Last night, Sue and I went to Albuquerque's Kimo Theater for the premiere of documentary "Justice Denied". Co-directed by her friend Geri Lynn Weinstein-Matthews, it was a followup to "The Invisible War". While "Invisible War" was about women in our military who'd been raped by others within their ranks, "Justice Denied" was about men who'd suffered the same fate.

So a casual Friday out, huh?
If you want some military drama that doesn't involve gay rape might I recommend "Labyrinth of Sorrows" by George Mann?
No rape but there is almost two hours of traitorous scum getting stabbed in the throat by space marines.
Remember a few entries ago that woman was whining about a werewolf show involving murdered women?
Well like ten people get axed in the first five minutes of this fucker.
Cranking the hardcore dial up as high as it goes.

"Hope for the best, plan for the worst."

So I said today to one of my former minion's own minions.
What *do* they teach kids these days?

Death to the traitor and the heretic.

One lesson I need to teach myself is to avoid telling the higherup that his/her plan won't work. That's probably the nerd in me that makes me act that way. It's best to say nothing and then let the higherup find out as the brilliant idea's implementation turns out to be anything but.

Petty office politics HUH HUH HUH

A co-worker just said I'm a gem.

"no need to be a sarcastic cunt."
Probably the reason I try to avoid my fellow man.

I went to Barnes & Noble tonight and was taking a look at the new F/SF books when one of the employees approached me. 

I'm thinking of getting the book "Flesh of Cretacia" because it's about the Flesh Tearers and I kinda like them but the Space Marine Battle Books are very hit or miss.
It is written by Andy Smillie who I've never even heard of so that tells me nothing.

Cut too many corners of a square and you wind up running in a circle.

Actually if you cut even one corner off a square you don't have a square.

It becomes a triangle. 

 I finally fulfilled one of my many missions at work today.
'Tis a heady feeling.

Twat.
God why is Youtube so shit lately?

Sue is writing a novella prequel to her fantasy novel "Mist" and she needs a name for her heroine's horse from when she was living in Asgard so she'd been researching on the net. She's found quite a few posibilities so far but I don't think 'Gufi' or 'Barmi' will be among the finalists.

Hellghast is a cool name.
Horses are kinda gay so they need cool names to make up for it.
Wow this blog is fucking boring. I had another false start today for a similar reason.
People: get your act together.

THE GEARS OF INDUSTRY

You know what's really throwing me right the fuck off?
All of these cunts
theeeeeese Dreamwidth white wahms saying "all of the things".
"YOU'LL MISS ALL OF THE THINGS" said one in regards to a book that if you don't read carefully you'll miss all the subtlety.
First of all I can't imagine you land whales know the definition of subtly and second of all did you just tell me it's good to read a book carefully or you might miss something you cow?
Christ all mighty.
So my goal was to find one of these blogs where the phrase "all of the things" didn't appear.
I started this little project at 2:15 PM on Wednesday, June 26 in the Year of Our Lord two thousand and thirteen.
It is now 3:14 PM on the same day and I am surrendering to the wheel of fate.
It can't be done.
Also I thought I was going crazy these past few days because I kept hearing this weird chanting in my head.
Then I realized in EVE Online if you don't have music very loud over it there is a really quiet weird chanting.
Why the fuck would they program that into the game?
I need to have sounds on so I can hear buzzers when something attacks.
Muting the weird chanting also mutes that.
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING FUCKING CRAZY.
Are the Amarr so religious they have chanting in the vacuum of space?
That's pretty fucking space Christianity/Islam (I still can't figure their religion out)
Between that and going into Space Africa space and thinking I exploded because space there looks like an explosion my heart can't take much more of this shit.
Some people might argue I shouldn't be in a religious cesspit and Africa respectively if I want to avoid this shit to which I say to you how else am I going to make the mad cash?

We had ISSUES yesterday involving TEARS and RECRIMINATIONS because Niko wanted to paint but didn’t want to clean up his toys first, which I set as a requirement…

You named your kid Niko?
NIKO
COUSIN
I just want you people to know if Niko comes up a lot you better play Grand Theft Auto 4 before finishing this entry because it's going to be nonstop NIKO
MY CAAHSIN
SOON WE WILL SMELL OF TITTIES nonstop

He eventually came around and we Cleaned All The Things but he’d lost the urge to paint.

See? It's even a cunting proper noun now.
Goddamn people.

I really need to video Niko painting because he narrates what’s going on while he creates. This is the sky and this is sand down here and here’s a Mamenchisaurus with its RIDICULOUSLY LONG NECK and its really big feet and here is a Diplodocus with its long neck and long tail and its spikes on its back and now here are its really big feet. And these are its footprints! And here are some clouds, because it’s going to rain and it’s going to rain on them and here are some rain drops falling on them and they’re falling on the ground and over here on the sea. This is the sea. And here’s a baby! It hatched out of this egg and here’s some other eggs in a nest.
It’s wonderful and adorable and he got very covered in paint. I had to scrub it out of his ear and one arm pit. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

NIKO
CAAHSIN
LET'S GO BOWLING
because nothing says "grand theft auto" like taking your cousin on a bro date.
Thanks Rockstar Games.
You made a game
where the main characters are Eastern European and part of the Russian mafia
and that's the gameplay feature you decided the series needed?
Okay it's your series.

It was interesting. The staff made 2 basic assumptions about our family, based largely on the neighborhood: 1) that we’re on state insurance (which is true, and we might continue to be on it (albeit paying for it) when Nesko’s eligible for insurance through work, we’ll see) and 2) that we don’t speak English at home (which would be true if my FIL had his way). Most kids coming into that school take a language fluency exam to determine which level of ESL classroom they’ll be in, but Niko’s really fluent in English (it’s his primary language) so he’ll just be in the English speaking class.

NIKO
MY CAAHSIN
HOW ARE YOU FINDING AMERICA?

Trina, I love you SO MUCH, thanks for helping us stretch Niko’s brain.

ANY NEWS FROM THE OLD COUNTRY, CAAHSIN?

Which is a refreshing change from when he just insists on wearing pyjamas all the time, and the only reason it’s refreshing is because if someone drops by unexpected at noon at least one of us will be dressed and I won’t look like a TOTAL slackass. I, afterall, have a very important excuse as to why I wear all cotton jammies all the time if I can (a skin condition that I will one day, most likely, have to go on SSDI because of) (fun times).

A skin condition that only exists in my head but if I whine enough they'll eventually relent and give me social security for it!

Years ago, when I was in college, my university required all students to take cultural sensitivity classes. Not specific check-your-privilege type stuff, but we were required to take X amount of credit hours in classes dedicated to literature of a marginalized group or groups. Virtually all the students, myself included, actively resented this. It felt like a ploy to require us to take, and pay for, extra credit hours. 

CHECK YOUR FUCKING PRIVILEGE CIS WHINE BAGS
also that's exactly what it is.

I sullenly took a class on Hispanic-American authors and was surprised at how awesome it was, exposed to a lot of really great literature. So obviously, it ultimately paid off. But why weren’t any of those short stories, novels, or poems taught in “regular” English classes? When I took an English class on American Short Stories, every single author was White and Male. 

Fuck The Odyssey.
Borderlands is clearly what we should be reading instead.
A book barely coherent but it was written by a GLORIOUS POC WOMYN
Oh shit where was I
ended up watching Youtube for a half hour.
Youtube tells you there's a Girls' Generation video you should watch and who can say no to that?
Certainly not me.

I joked about how testosterone-filled the class was, me and another woman student joked about growing penises just from sitting in the class. Sure, we could have taken classes that covered women and only women, but we would have had to pay extra for that class/classes and at the time it might not have counted as a requirement for higher level general English classes, but toward womens studies classes (this may well have changed).
At that time, in the late 90s/early 00s, it was very firmly established that (white) men were authors and anyone who was a woman, was not white, was other. Not real. Not authentic. After all, if they were REAL authors, they’d be in with the STANDARD authors (who were white and male) and not shunted off to the side in specialty classes taken only by people studying minority authors or required to to satisfy cultural competency requirements. 

I guess fuck Mary Shelley and Harper Lee, then, because they managed to find a place in the canon.
And also fuck Alexander Dumas while I'm at it because he is a black man and yet found a place in the canon as well.
And he did it by being actually one of the greatest writers ever, not just because he was incidentally black and the canon must be multicultural.

It’s over ten years later, and Wikipedia currently has editors sorting American and Haitian novelists into “authors” and “women authors.” Male, you see, is the default.

Because most of the best authors are male.
If women want to be the default maybe they should outproduce men on great novels instead of whining they aren't included.

Wikipedia’s page on American Novelists notes that due to the vast number of novelists grouping like novelists together is a good thing. But surely every single novelist could be included in one or more group. Right now there’s genre classifications, but you could also add gender; geographical region lived in and/or written about (CF Southern Gothic); arbitrary chunks of time (5 years, 10 years, 15 years); historical epochs (writing pre-WWI, writing WWI-WWII); etc. Or you could just be all WHELP LET’S SEGREGATE THE WOMEN.

 ARE YOU SURE IT'S NOT SEGREGATED INTO CRAP YOU NEED TO READ VS. CRAP YOU DON'T?
HUH HUH HUH

As Abigail Grace Murdy notes:

    Within the Wikipedia community, women make up only 15% of contributors and only 9% of editors, so this unfortunate reshuffling hardly comes as a surprise. Within the publishing community, it comes as more of the same sore thing. Women writers are consistently underrepresented, their work receiving much less attention than that of their male counterparts. In 2012 the New York Review of Books reviewed only 40 female authors, as opposed to 215 male authors.

    The subcategory “American women novelists” simply reflects a widespread and belittling perception of women writers that already exists. But in reflecting that perception, Wikipedia perpetuates it, and the sexism marches on.

So
It's free to edit Wikipedia
anyone can do it
go edit Wikipedia you dumb sluts.
Don't just whine about it.
One day
I have a dream.
One day
women will learn if you do something about a problem you have something gets done about the problem you have. Sitting here whining about it does nothing.
You say it's a problem women aren't more included I say if you want to be included more be more than 15% of the contribution.
That tells me men make up 85% of the contribution to Wikipedia and are therefore allowed, by virtue that they produce 85% of the content, to say whatever they please.
Only whinging about gender equality until there's work to be done, eh?
I don't mean to put too fine a point on this but on a forum I was browsing recently there was a debate: why aren't women in video games but whine incessantly about sexism in video games?
Someone made a chart of women in video games and 90% of the chart was Japanese women.
Why was that?
I imagine that dialogue occurred in Japan and here's what happened:
"women aren't represented in video games enough"
"so get a job making video games"
"yeah you're right"
AND LO.
I AM SURE
BY SHEER COINCIDENCE
IT'S THE FIRST JAPANESE RPG TO FEATURE A FEMALE LEAD.
Same Asian wahm went on to produce and design some of the best video games there are.
If you had, say, thirty of these women there wouldn't be a debate about sexism in video games. The work would be clearly divided.
But oh, that was the 1980s when video games were unproven as an industry.
Now they're proven and suddenly women want a seat saved for them?
Where were you when this was starting?
You act like there's some grand conspiracy against women.
Maybe be a lead level designer on Sonic the Hedgehog and design the entirety of Phantasy Star 1-4 and then when you want to become a director at Sega you will be.
I doubt seriously anyone went "well we would give her the job but she is a woman" I bet that conversation went more like "well she helped make Sonic the Hedgehog and basically invented Phantasy Star so I see no one more qualified--"
Men are sexist, I'll grant, but at the end of the day I'm sure the Sega directors saw dollar signs instead of the fact they were hiring a woman.
If you can produce the money will always, always win out.
So getting back to my point: you want women to be included in college English classes?
Encourage them to produce something besides 50 Shades of Grey and Harry Potter and Twilight and instead something like The Count of Monte Cristo and I'm sure she'd be right in when her time came in 300 years.
Oh but that's really hard and might not make you 11 billion dollars.
Well then you picked your path and you can't bitch about it.
I'd argue a good author could do both because I sure don't see William Gibson hurting for cash but then again telling a good story is really, really hard.

Remember in 2011 when gosh golly wow Wikipedia just couldn’t figure out why there weren’t more women contributing to/editing Wikipedia and ‘reached out to women’ by complaining how uninvolved they were?

According to the American Novelist talk page the majority of the editing was done by a lone person. As one contributor points out:

It’s worth noting that a single user, Johnpacklambert is responsible for the vast majority of these edits. He has made thousands of edits, removing African Americans from the category “American Television Actors”, and erroneously placing female authors of young adult fiction into the American Girl Authors category (intended for books in the American Girl series).

Discussion on the talk page ranges from vilifying Filipacchi for “being a drive by columnist” who “doesn’t understand how Wikipedia works” to people who recognize there’s a problem and want to solve it, to people who don’t see anything wrong at all with consigning women authors to the fringes, on totally separate pages, because gosh! They’re WOMEN authors! What do you want?

So there you go.
Bullied out by one basement dwelling neckbeard.
No spine.
Can't help you.

Coverage of the issue, obviously, uses the word “sexist” a lot and those involved are quick to say that woah, wait, they aren’t sexist! They don’t, like, beat women or refuse to hire them or think they should be chained barefoot to ovens all day or anything! They’re nice people! How DARE you call them sexist? And, you know, I don’t think there’s a secret cabal of wikipedia editors sitting in a dark room smoking cigars and plotting how to Keep Women Down. But this sort of thing is an accurate reflection of the constant slow grind of male supremacy, of patriarchal society. This is oppression. Men create things, women are a subcategory.

I told you what you can do about it.
The problem is what I suggested you do is actually difficult and requires dedication and talent.
Whining, I think as we all know, takes no effort.
FUCKING GODDAMN IT I LOVE BLOGS.

It's back again

This feeling called "despair!"
I found a fanfiction blog of Super Robot Wars--
that's a thing you can write fanfiction about.
Super Robot Wars is basically a series of video games where a bunch of nerds in Japan got together in the late 80s and said "what if Getter Robo and Gundam took place in the same universe?" and has been continuing unmitigated ever since.
But now it includes Gundam and Voltron and Mazinger Z and Combattler V and tons of other shit.
Also original characters.
Basically it's a fanfiction video game series but it only involves giant fighting robots.
I'm rather fond of the series, honestly, but writing fanfiction about fanfiction is pretty fucking stupid and also gay.
I'm not sure why I'm talking about it because I'm not reviewing it because it'd only piss me off and I'd have to explain why it did so meaning no one would enjoy any aspect of it.
I just thought I'd inform the people it exists.
Speaking of unmitigated disasters--
this.

Happy solstice, darlings! I hope everyone stays unmelted/unfrozen as applicable in the coming months and gets to do some great seasonally-appropriate activities.


In other news, does anyone have recs for awesome Celtic music?

How self indulgent is that?
RECOMMEND ME CELTIC MUSIC.
What does that assume?
It assumes enough people read her shitty blog and care enough to actually say "oh yea, scheherezhad, here's some Celtic music I listen to!"
The percent of people that read this blog has to be nonexistant.
The number of people who listen to Celtic music is also nonexistant.
PUT THE TWO TOGETHER.
Incredibly she has a comment.
I can only think of two words for a comment: "fuck" and "off" but let's see.

Happy Solstice. 

Says Sperrywink, putting the bare minimum of effort into even acknowledging this is a paragraph.
Good job, really.

It's time to find myself something different to have for lunch at work. I've been carrying salads most days for the past...two months, maybe? And the last two mornings as I've stood in the kitchen, my face has involuntarily spasmed into a sneer of disgust when I reached for the veggies.

So I don't know what I'm going to switch to. I'm sick of just about everything I can think of that doesn't require cooking, and I hate cooking in our kitchen because there's no work space, so I just don't. Also I'm lazy. Also I try not to eat a lot of box meals or frozen meals anymore. And I'm kind of picky, to boot. That leaves, like, crackers and cheese, basically.

Oh, only delicious cheese and crackers for lunch?
Fucking woe betides you, I guess.

In other news, seriously Teen Wolf?

Within the first three episodes of the season, we have four dead bodies. Of them, three (3) are women.

I don't understand these fucking women whining about death in fiction.
These aren't real people.
Also every single one fancies herself the queen of nerds and a hardcore giiiiiiirl gamer xP to boot.
What fucking video games are you playing?
Three bodies?
I need ten times that body count to even acknowledge something is happening on my screen.
My FFXIV character kicked a guy so hard he lit on fire and one inch punched a guy in the solar plexus so hard his heart stopped.
That was the quest that introduced combat.
In the first twenty minutes of gameplay she reckt two dudes so hard their mothers were feeling the pain.
Also that's a smart move from two fucking sewer rats.
Rob the person that has literally killed gods.
Achievements for killing quintuple digits but these two sewer urchins have her number.
Brilliant.

Of these three, one is a black girl who didn't even get a fucking name, and one is a lesbian. (The other is a blonde white girl who disappeared from her own 17th birthday party. Who wants to guess which one of these deaths would get the most attention from the local media?)

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you?

Because I am not laughing.

Well you know it's like they say: it's hard to stop dunking when all you see are hoops.
I feel sick, honestly. You've fridged three women (and traumatized one's girlfriend) to advance the story of your (mostly white) male protagonists.
Other things my FFXIV character can do:
fists of fire
conjure giant ice meteors from space
illegal thaumaturgy
leap impossible distances into the stratosphere and goatse people on a giant fuck off severed claw of a dead god
but you know
the hapless bandits in the sewers think they're an even match.

In three episodes. And now I'm even sadder because I just thought, "this is something I'd expect from Supernatural."

Even aside from that, I feel like the plot is a goddamn mess half the time. I need to quit this show. (I can't even break up with it like I did Glee, because my emotional investment is rooted in fandom, not canon!)

I can't imagine even feeling these emotions about fiction.
If doing things in fiction is this awful then I'm a provably awful person because I have done some terrible things in fiction.
Hell Civilization alone makes me at least as bad as Hitler.
Actually EVE Online probably makes me a Hitler, too. I can only imagine what I've done to the poor people on the planets I use the planetary interaction on.
Probably some innocent tribe of some primitive whatever people and suddenly I land a robot army on their shit.
I'd feel bad about this shit but, you know, it ain't be real.

I feel I should mention that I was reading random Teen Wolf fics the other day, and I ended up reading one where--I am not even a little kidding--in the middle of sex, Stiles surprises Derek with an engagement ring that he had stored in his ass.

Yeah you can get married in FFXIV soon.
I had a few proposals but I think Edie is only married to conflict.
I think once your skill set includes efficacious thaumaturgical rites and martial arts akin to a Bruce Lee movie or Fist of the North Star you're officially beyond petty emotions like love and romance.

It was just stuck in there. Tied to a pen cap so he wouldn't lose it. And while he is fucking Derek he just reaches down to pull it out and is like, "let's get married now." As you do.

Well I don't know about you but that's where I hide all my valuables.

So I caught the gross man-cold my dad had last weekend. I've spent the past few days working, sleeping, and knitting in bed with Yu Yu Hakusho on. In the midst of the Dark Tournament right now (although currently taking a break for Hannibal). It's interesting to rewatch the series as a grown-ass person who has now done a lot more reading on gender, social justice, and media literacy.

As a social justice warrior she can see the obvious glaring problems of a fucking cartoon intended for teenage boys made in the mid-90s.
Bang up job, retard.

Janet Stephens is a forensic hair dresser. She recreates ancient hairstyles based on depictions from things like coins and portrait busts, using period-appropriate tools and extrapolated techniques. She got started in this when she started examining Roman portrait busts and determined that these elaborate styles were likely created with the women's own hair rather than, as popular theory suggested, by the use of wigs.

That's a job you can have.
Forensic hair dresser.
I hate to be that guy that shits on any sort of knowledge because you never know when that'll evolve into a technique to identify dead bodies or something like that but really who cares?
It was well understood that Roman busts were actual representations of real people and it was really their hair because, you know, THEY FUCKING WROTE DOWN WHAT THEY DID.
Even if they didn't it was well known Caesar didn't like the fact he was going bald and yet all of his busts are him as a baldo so clearly the Romans took realistic representation in busts seriously.

One time, several years ago, I was reading a fic. I had to give up when it, in all seriousness, used the phrase "synchronistic dance armies."

Not to be a dick about it but that sounds fucking rad.
Has anyone seen the preview for that indie game coming out, Crypt of the NecroDancer, speaking of?
That game looks amazing.

On my way home from work today, I briefly ended up behind a dickwad who was in such a huge hurry to get wherever ze was going that ze passed multiple vehicles on a narrow, winding access road with a double yellow line. 

>ze
fucking kill yourself I'm dead fucking serious.
Ze.
The grammatical thing to do is assume she.

Like, srsly? Probably wherever you're going is not important enough to endanger lives, okay person? And after that one, I was behind someone who had no damn idea where they were going, and so they also were driving dangerously. Awesome. :/

Ze was on hir way to hormone replacement therapy and privilege checking class so fuck yourself.

A Comprehensive List of Male Characters Who Appeal to Me and Are Not Broken or Fucked Up in Some Way:

• Evan Lorne

 Who?
What?

In other news, I was going to sign up for the newsletter on a site I was interested in following, but their process is problematic in several ways. I opted not to subscribe after all and emailed them to let them know why. Being asked to enter my email address four different times? 

OHHHH LORD I PRAY YOU GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO HELP ME CARRY ON
'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
TO WALK ALONG THE LONELY STREET OF DREAMS

Strike one. Gender field required and only options are "female," "male," and "couple"? Strike two. Required field called Salutation that only has options that are gendered forms of address or titles/ranks, with no neutral option or opt-out? Thanks for playing, but you struck out.

>not scrolling past the 47 other gender options to "cisgender" only to be told I'll be monitored to make sure I don't offend people
>2013

But back to paganism. I know I have quite a few people here on ye olde fliste who identify as pagan, but we very rarely talk about it. So I was thinking we could have a bit of a discussion post here? No pressure to participate, as there are lots of reasons people may not want to talk about their beliefs.

Here's what I think of every time I hear a bunch of snowflake "pagans" talking or see them writing shit:

This is going to descend so rapidly into goddess worship I can feel it.
Nope it's a boring post about the typical I'M WICCAN LOL xP
fucking people shouldn't be allowed to use the internet.

You know how sometimes you're reading a fic that's just...okay enough, and if it wasn't one of your pet pairings you'd probably quit reading? And then there's this one line that tanks the whole thing for you?

Yeah.

I was reading one of those, and the characters were trying to solve a problem. So one of them was sort of wondering aloud, asking if something was plausible and could maybe help them get things sorted. The other one replied with a line that was essentially, "Leave the thinking to the men-folk, sweet-cheeks."

I think my face actually turned into an angry tumblr gif at that moment.

Sound advice.

Remember in the 90s when people said "Poof! Be gone!"?

No?
What?
Literally no one in the history of earth has said that.

Today, all I've done is veg out and watch 90s video game-based movies. I've lounged through a triple feature of Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, and Double Dragon.

You know I gotta give you some credit at least.
Doing that has been known to kill people.
I myself wouldn't just casually sit through those three back to back.
I'd have to have suitable motivation like being drunk and with friends.
Or possibly dead.

SF was the strongest overall, I think. MK was weaker because it was more about the fighting and didn't do a lot of characterization, and the plot required more suspension of disbelief. DD was just so goofy I can't even honestly critique it.

Wow.
A movie about a fighting video game had too much fighting in it.
I can see where you'd want to waste time-- I mean spend time-- on characterization in a Mortal Kombat movie, though.
Remember the incredibly complex character motivation of Reptile?
So named because he had a reptile head.
Or my personal favorite: Sub-Zero.
Named, because, and hold on to your shit this is going to get really complex: he can freeze people.
Or the other ninja recolor, Scorpion?
Named Scorpion because--
actually come to think of it why the fuck was he named Scorpion?
Oh shit I never posted this.
Har har maybe someone will see it--
whoops.
Also my head hurts too much to update so enjoy your Friday update Monday, plebeians.

Lessons in Boredom

The sign of a great author is ability to use dull things to bring about profound ideas.
Welcome to just boring shit.

So, I'm having a crappy week. Most of it is not really my crap; I have a friend whose dad just died, so I'm worried about her and her family. I have another friend who is leaving her husband and I'm worried about her. 

Wait, your week is crappy?
It sounds like these other people are having more problems.
Especially the dead guy.
Or is that a problem?

There's a couple of other random crappy things happening too, including waking up this morning with an epic headache and food poisoning to top it all off, AND, to be really petty, the fact that the only way I can watch Bollywood movies in Jamaica (other than maybe asking my India-located friends to pouch them to me...?) is with Spanish subtitles. I know enough Spanish to understand them, but it breaks my fucking brain if I try for more than 15 minutes. 

Oh fuck the girl with the dead father--
Bollywood movies with Spanish subtitles?
Fuck this gay earth.

What's really ruining my week is that E's school situation is going downhill again. We had to have a teleconference with his teacher and the principal yesterday, and that didn't go well. The teacher's perception is that Elliot gets up from his seat during work time and beats up on kids for no reason. I told her that I didn't find that creditable at all, but apparently she believes it. 

These fucking parents, man.
Yeah you're right. I'm clearly wrong when I'm watching your shitty kid hit another kid. Clearly I'm in the wrong here.
"I don't raise my kid but that's your problem."

When I talk to Elliot, he says that there are four kids in his class who tease him, calling him a girl and a lady-boy and all sorts of other bad names and that they take his stuff and untie his shoes and kick and punch him in the back and head and arm when the teacher isn't looking, and that they tease and tease and tease him until he loses his temper and hits them and then they tell the teacher and he gets in trouble. He, of course, doesn't tell the teacher --and I can't really blame him, given the experience he had in Minneapolis with telling the teacher and having her join the bullies on their side. (Fucking bitch. I'd still rather cheerfully ring her neck.)  

I had a kid once say "HEH U MAD BRO?" and do the troll face. I promptly informed him no, I wasn't, and more importantly he didn't want to see what happens when I get angry.
He shut up.
It's all in the tone of voice because at that age they're complete chickenshits.
What happens when I get fucking angry in school?
I don't know I make it patently clear they don't have that power over me.
Once you've properly demonstrated that and, more importantly, are around enough to note all these little dipshit bully things you can get control over the class.
I mean shit if I can get partial control over an 11th grade class that had kids with arrest records for a week then I imagine any elementary school punk should be easy.
So I'm trying to get a grip on this woman's life. Apparently she lives in Jamaica and does some sort of mission work?
But not like cool mission work, like the Amarr are rearming the Amarr-Minmatar border and need you to support the war effort and will pay you in illegal cybernetics but some sort of--
I don't even know. Social work?
So, Jamaica has a VAT --
That'd be a Value Added Tax.
AKA "how can we fleece our flock even more?"

 a value added tax -- which is like an American sales tax on steroids. It's 16.9% and they add it to every dang thing you buy. However, as Diplomats we're tax-exempt because no one wants their own country's diplomats to have to figure out taxes in 187 different foreign countries, so the proverbial they got together and decided to exempt everyone everywhere in order to save diplomacy and a lot of time and also civilization as we know it. (No, not really. But it's in the Vienna Convention, I think)

Why does America need diplomats to Jamaica, really?
What is in Jamaica of strategic or economic value?
 I guess you want to keep tabs on your neighbors but goddamn it's Jamaica.
Even the Taliban wouldn't bother--
well, maybe.
But I seriously doubt this woman would stop anything Taliban.
Have you read her blog?
There's my argument against her value as a diplomat.

ANYWAY. Being tax-exempt just means that while we pay the VAT when we buy things we can claim it back from the Government of Jamaica in a process that sounds a lot like that line about Vogons and orders from the Hitchhiker's Guide. (To whit: it involves paperwork that must be ...signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.) Really it's not actually that bad, and you'd expect them to want a process when they're giving a bunch of foreigners money from the public fisc. But it is kind of a pain in the arse and occasions much whining around Embassy compounds here in Kingston. (It's like the ex-pat icebreaker of choice, so really the Government of Jamaica is just being helping us all get along, right?) 

So let me see if I understand this properly.
The government of Jamaica trusts you enough to have you file claims on a value added tax that is upwards of 20%?
What's stopping me from buying 20 cars from an accomplice and having you pay 16.9% on 50,000 dollars 20 times?
These cars don't exist but we're both claiming they are.
I doubt sincerely the government of Jamaica is organized enough to stop me.
I'm suddenly reminded of the story where Piso, a diplomat from Rome was bitching about the weighty gold crown Germanicus, Caligula's father, received during a visit to Syria.
Germanicus was also some sort of diplomat.

Back on the Non-Immigrant Visa line this week (we rotate. There is a highly complex and very, very awesome rotation schedule that is too tedious to explain here. We keep track of it with magnets, I'm kind of in love) which seems to lead me to post more. Maybe because I have more interesting conversations with people? Today I had a 20 minute chat about pig sperm where both myself and the applicant were yelling at one another because my mic was broken. I'm still not entirely sure that the pig-sperm lady wasn't lying to me about why she wanted to go to the US, but if she legitimately knew that much about pig sperm and wasn't actually planning on traveling to buy some of it to breed her pigs with, chica kinda deserves a visa anyway for lying convincingly to me about it at high volume in public with a straight face. 

That's the fucking standard we're working with to let people into the US?
You seem to know a lot about pig spunk or can at least lie convincingly enough about the subject for me to let you in?
And there's an institution that America pays for to allow this to continue?
There's this game called Papers, Please where you work at a border crossing for a communist country and I suck at it because my gut reaction is to deny every single application that I'm given.
Also the game gets increasingly complex and you have to like look for forged visas and it's way more involved than you'd ever want but whatever my point is the default stance for letting people in to America should be "no and fuck off and you're lucky I didn't turn the space marine armed with a flamethrower on you."
Oh that's comforting.
I'm playing EVE Online and this guy paid my character in a datacore.
This is the same psycho bitch that manufactures nukes. Are you sure you want to just hand sensitive test technology data over to her?
She'll probably make something with it, you know.
I wonder what I do with these anyhow.
I kinda wanted to get into research but I only got as far as acquiring datacores.
No idea what the cores do.

Four day weekend in a heavily Christian country over a major religious holiday basically means a four day weekend in which we do nothing and don't go anywhere. I'm half kicking myself for poor planning, since this would have been a great time to get up to the north side of the island and play on the beach and I'm all "Ugh, why did we not make a hotel reservation? Why?". Then I remember that it's Spring Break for the college students so while we'd get to spend 5 days at the beach, we'd be doing it with Homo Collegicus Barficus, which is not my favorite animal to spend a vacation with. So then I'm all "Ugh, we could have found a villa somewhere in Port Antonio or Black River..." and am at least sensible enough to kick myself because really? For a first trip outside of Kingston?

This is what she's complaining about.
Not booking a villa for a four day vacation.
I'm reading a book right now called Caligular: Corruption of Power by Anthony A. Barrett.
It's a lighthearted romp about the character of one of history's greatest tyrants and one of the rhetorical questions it answers early on is "why didn't the Romans see this coming?"
and the only response is "why would they?"
I feel like living in 2013 and hearing what politicians do the Anthony A. Barrett of the year 4013 will be saying the exact same shit about the American Empire.
"Really? The Americans paid third class menials a king's ransom to do nonsensical paperwork in some second world, meaningless backwater? And they wonder why they had 0 dollars?"

We're starting to be able to feed ourselves better and more consistently with the food that is available here. This was a big, big challenge for a while because I'm a midwestern girl at heart and my food-related tastes run to braises, grilling and big chunks of meat. Jamaica, broadly, does not do big chunks of meat -- a 2-3 pound grocery store pork roast is, I kid you not, $37. Beef is significantly more expensive than that.

Yeah, welcome to the world, American.
Shit works different in the rest of the world.

(But, according to my visa applicants, a full-grown live pig is only $50 and we have a freezer. I'm hoping we can work something out here, but I can't really be like "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but according to U.S. Immigration Law you don't qualify for a tourist visa today. But hey, give me your number 'cause I'd like to buy one of your pigs." While that is not actually malfeasance as long as I pay full price for the theoretical pig, it sure does look like it from 5 feet or so and therefore is very, very much Not Okay. Sadly, I don't meet many pig farmers socially, so I'm not sure what to do yet.)

Holy shit between that kinda thing and the VAT I'd be walking off with a king's ransom x 7.
No honor among thieves, etc.

Nathan and I are also having a fight about whether we should hire a 'helper' while we're here. (Jamaicans DO NOT call anyone your "Maid" or "Nanny", because that's insulting and demeaning. It's "helper", as in the person who helps you clean or helps you with your children/elders. I quite like that, actually.) Nathan's point of view is that he sees cleaning and keeping the house as his contribution and worries that he'll feel useless if someone else is doing it (It's a valid worry -- I know it's something that's happened to male spouses before) and he really wants to become less of a slob and learn how to clean things up and he won't if there's a helper.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS, HUH?
This woman is seriously debating hiring a fucking maid
she works as a clerk in a fucking embassy.

Why the fuck does she make enough money to even entertain the possibility of doing that?
And that jeeze-louise, we're in a position where we CAN hire someone to clean the floors and the bathrooms and run dishes and stuff, let's take full advantage of that because they'll probably send us somewhere like Brussels next, where we can't afford a pot to piss in, much less household help.

We both have totally valid positions. However, Nathan is winning if only because I go to work all day and haven't got the time to make calls and interview and hire someone so if he won't do it, it isn't getting done. Which means I have to go downstairs and scrub my kitchens once I'm done with this, instead of staying in bed and enjoying my replacement Kindle with an eye to deciding if I really should have bought the Paperwhite instead. (Current odds run 60/40 for.)

I seriously hope
in 2000 years someone finds this.
I mean this entry of my blog. I hope in 2000 years somehow somewhere someone finds this and says "ah, see, there were Americans who knew!"
I'm left with that thought from 1984: why bother writing anything down for posterity?
Either the future will be largely the same as this in which case I'm wasting my breath or it'll be entirely different and no one will be able to relate to this.

 My job, in it's infinite federal wisdom, actually gives me two days off in order to unpack my things. (Note to any future Foreign Service folks out there: you actually get two days of admin time when your HHE arrives in order to have delivery happen and unpack. No one will tell you about this, until you're sitting around on the bus and someone asks why you're here today if you got your HHE yesterday and you're like "Bwaaaah? What do you mean I could have had two days off?" Which has the upside of making your boss look very, very sheepish and avoid your eyes for the rest of the ride. Poor dude. Given our current workload If I were in his position, I wouldn't have told me either.) 

It has been a very long time since I hated someone this much just from reading their blog.

Anyway, once Nathan found out that admin days were a possibility he basically threatened to walk out and join the French Foreign Legion if I didn't take them. So I did. Because although Nathan is a wonderful, wonderful person, he doesn't speak French and would make a shitty legionnaire. 

Considering the French Foreign Legion is routinely considered some of the most hardcore special forces on earth I don't think anyone you'd marry would be good for it.
Also the French FOREIGN Legion, you might be surprised to learn, doesn't require you to know French. It'll teach you French.

 Before this, there was always a big 'next' in my life. Getting through college, getting in to Law School, joining the Foreign Service, and then finally the long hard slog to get to post and actually DO my job.

Now I'm here. I've arrived. I am livin' the dream, as they say. And it's honestly -- apart from the day to day job-ness of it -- really, really awesome. The people I work with are great, Jamaica and the Jamaican people are awesome, it's everything I thought it would be at least most of the time. 

Well she did go to law school, so.
You know.
Fuck it.

A mild case of the bug fucks

I dunno how interesting this blog will be let's see how it turns out--
Might be one of my many aborted attempts at reviewing.

So I got down to Renton today to see Strahd and Chevy's absolutely perfectly beautiful baby girl, and I spent most of my afternoon holding her--I did give her back, I did I did--and it was a really lovely afternoon. I'm hoping to get back down there Wednesday or Thursday for more baby time, but that will involve finding out what time my quarterly dose of poison is due to be injected on Thursday. (Botox, not arsenic.)

She acts like that procedure isn't entirely optional.
If you don't want poison injected in your face don't get poison injected in your face. This isn't a life-or-death procedure.

Flower is just the most beautifully perfect baby. She was so, so good when I held her, mostly she just slept in my arms or snuggled against my boobs (hey, they've got to be good for something other than really expensive bras that wear out in six months) and occasionally she stretched and kicked and was just...oh. So, so much love for this little one. I've never held a newborn before and they are so precious. 

Botox and expensive bras.

Just in case you didn't think she was a white woman spending money she just dispelled all doubt.
I'll post the grr bit of today in a minute, but tonight Morgan and I went out with Pinky, Kroroboros and Sabs to see "Man of Steel"

Holy shit what a pile of dreck that movie was.
Plot holes
Boring zzzzzzzzzzz origins story--
I mean it's the fucking origin of Superman, what 6 year old doesn't know this shit by now?
DID YOU KNOW HE'S FROM KRYPTON?
NO?
WELL LET ME TELL YOU FOR HALF AN HOUR!

for Pinky's birthday, and non-spoilery review: I freaking loved it. It's amazing. You should all go see it. Like, now. It had a lot of actors where I went "Hey, who is that?" and felt stupid upon seeing the credits (hint: I missed Laurence Fishburne; I'm a moron) but mostly it had me going "Go Clark!" and even made me care about Russell Crowe, which is a feat worth mentioning. (I think the actor's kind of a jackass, but he can act. I don't know about sing, I haven't seen Les Mis.)

Plebeian.
Seriously it was complete garbage.
It was boring, uninspired, horribly acted and horribly scripted. It is pap for the idiot masses like this woman.

I won't go into spoilers here, because I'm mostly all about the squee right now, but it really, really is a good movie and has some really awesome things in it and you should all go see it. I was prepared to be bored, or not like it, and I was on the edge of my seat for a lot of it. 

I don't know why you're worried about spoiling anything, It was the most predictable movie ever.
Superman kills Zod at the end of it.
There you go bet none of you saw that coming.

Co-worker was working a 12 today so asked for help and I said sure, I'd take the afternoon...but I feel like crap and I have six hours to go. My head hurts and my stomach's been upset ever since this morning, when I tried to swallow Excedrin and found myself heaving into the sink. There was literally nothing in my stomch so I was just coughing up spit, but it took a while for my tummy to settle again (and a double dose of phenergan and some ginger ale). I'm sipping Coke at the moment and just took another dose of phenergan as lunch isn't sitting well. Sadly I'm almost out, and I have no refills, and the prescription's from my pain doctor who I'm no longer seeing, so I left a message with my neurologist to see if I can get a new one. 

You know when I'm at work I can't just make whining posts online.
That said my job is pretty sweet and I have all summer off but you know when I'm there it's fucking go time.

Okay. So. Khan retrofitted the torpedoes to hold the cryotubes, but in the process took out what, the...fuel? How exactly do they still work and blow up with people inside them? Aren't they missing a critical component? I guess the explosive part is still intact, but without fuel, how would they get somewhere? Am I missing the obvious?

I feel stupid.

...
He took out the explosive, idiot.
A torpedo intended for space combat--
you know, there's no atmosphere to fight through in space--
is not going to have much in the way of fuel. Just enough to accelerate it to speed then WHAMO.
I'm pretty sure they explicitly stated this in the movie because they knew their audience would be saying exactly what you're saying now and you're still kind of confused about it.

Before I say anything spoiler-iffic, I'll just say that this was the first new movie I've seen since 2010 when I saw Iron Man 2 in the theaters. Was it the absolute BEST movie to break three years of not going? I don't know. But I did enjoy it a hell of a lot. 

Wait, you're not sure about the new Star Trek movie but the new Superman movie was awesome?
Do you live on bizarro Earth?

Do I think Benedict Cumberbatch, a white English man, should have been playing a character named Khan Noonian Singh? 

He's a genetically engineered super soldier. It's not like he was born to ethnically Indian parents. They could name him whatever they want and when your goal is to name a super soldier something intimidating you can do a hell of a lot worse than Khan.
You know, like Genghis Khan?
The guy who conquered most of the entire world?

Things I didn't like as much: The female characters in this movie, by which I mean Uhura and Carol, got screwed over. 

It was a duel of wits between a genetically engineered super soldier (I don't believe I can emphasize that aspect of his character enough) and Kirk who has been established since the start of the reboot as a genius and/or otherwise incredibly gifted.
What exactly were the female leads, who were a communications officer and a scientist respectively, supposed to do during this mission?
If I were J.J. Abrams I'd have excluded both of them because neither of them added much to the plot.

She was useless against her father and I don't know if that really provided any emotional payoff; I could have done without it. I mean, yeah, I guess we needed her to open up the torpedo but really? Is that it?

There wasn't enough Chekov at all, and what we saw of him was mostly...there. He didn't get a whole moment to shine like everyone else did.

He fixed the warp core enough to get the ship to warp so the other, evil captain's dreadnought could knock it out of the warp which facilitated Kirk going into the warp core containment area and die of radiation poisoning only to be revived by Khan's blood.
Basically the entire climax and the entire movie being a nod to Star Trek II hinged on Chekov being there.
What more did you want, exactly?
This isn't some English teacher's interpretation, either. This was not a complex movie. This shit is easily observable by anyone of normal intelligence paying even cursory attention to it.
 I thought it was a pretty good movie, over all.
I gave it a 7.5/10.
Literally the rest of her posts are her bitching about how sick she is and how she shouldn't be working while being at work.
I notice this a lot, actually.
Might this be why women make 95 cents to a man's dollar?

Am definitely getting a cold. I emailed E, the hostess of Chevy's baby shower, and explained the sitch, and she said I should still give it a try but see how I felt. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it. I just feel awful; my throat is raw, my ears are clogged, I'm congested as hell when the Afrin wears off, and I'm achy.

I dunno man.
Oh so I was playing the FFXIV beta this weekend.
I can't go into too much detail due to the NDA. They said they'd ban me from the full game if I leaked info and send Obama's attack drones to my house if I did so I won't but suffice it to say I give it a 5/5 bretty good
It was pretty cool to see the intro to the game being all the shit I had done before the plebeians joined.
And holy shit are these new people plebs. They are whining about all sorts of dumb bullshit
WHY CAN'T MY MAGE EQUIP HEAVY ARMOR being my favorite bitch.
Gee you dumb shit maybe because he's a mage?
Also a lot of people were whining about the potential for glorious master race 1.0 players like myself hogging all of the early kills.
I was just going to level arcanist in peace (in which case I'd be level 1 and effectively as new as they are) but since this is becoming a thing to whine about I think I'm going to stand in the middle of all the newbie monsters with my level 50 marauder and whirlwind all of their squirrels.
That'll teach them their place.
It is not enough that I succeed; all others must fail.

Today was Bring a Friend day to IKEA, so Pinky picked me up this morning and we headed down to Tukwila (after the necessary stop at Starbucks, of course). 

I'm letting this hate wash over me.
Fill me with purpose.
I must say reading this garbage while listening to Motley Crue is creating a very uneven experience.
Like should something this bad have a soundtrack this rad?
I don't care what anyone says about Motley Crue.
Dr. Feelgood is a great album.
Anyway fuck blogs.

PEY HEEM

So I'm going to be straight up with you people. After Wednesday's frankly awesome entry, EVE Online + FFXIV ARR (let's add more acronyms to this fucking game please) beta I don't think today is going to be nearly as awesome in comparison but I'll try my goddamndest. 
This is ihcoyc.
Presumably that's an internet name and not what her mother calls her.

Feminist cant (patriarchy, rape culture, male gaze, sexual objectification &c. &c.) conveys a single message with great consistency, and that message is that Men Are Pigs.

That's the new thing feminists on the internet are up in arms about.
HE EYE FUCKED ME.
So now you can't even look at women without it somehow being rape.
Blind yourselves, assholes, because your gaze might meet a woman's.
(White women)

I suspect it's a general feature of in-group cants. While I'm a Christian, Christian cant (witnessing, born again, voice of the Spirit, walk with Christ &c. &c.) bugs me too. 

Oooookay we are officially about 50 words into this blog and does anyone have any fucking clue what she's on about?
Shouldn't it be "can't" as in "cannot"?
Who knows?
Who cares?

A Marxist heresy

Oh boy.
I picked a real winner today.

A transgendered friend of mine elsewhere was annoyed that a group of people she described as 'radfems' refused to acknowledge people like her as women. By way of background, you should know that she is a firm believer and fluent speaker of the Cant: (patriarchy, male gaze, rape culture, sexual objectification &c. &c.)

One of the core tenets of identity politics seems to me to be that people acquire greater moral worth by being members of oppressed classes. 

Fuck.

WM wrote:

I maintain that Communism is a religion; it has its own sacred texts, it brooks no contradiction and it selects its major prophets for placement on a pedestal.

It's always been bloody obvious to me that Communism is a religion. Sacred texts? Check. Cult of its prophets? Check. Apocalyptic prophecy? Check. Incorrupt bodies? Check. Liturgy? Check.

This is why atheists amuse me. You can tell the people that there is no such thing as a god. If you repeat yourself often enough, some may take it to heart and make it a movement. For atheism must always be a movement; without constant reinforcement of the faith, people will backslide and accept the supernatural the way people always have.

Oh God do I have to deal with this shit

But even atheistic faiths end up with sacred totems, liturgy, ritual, public worship, mass rallies, and apocalyptic prophecies. All of the oppressive orthodoxies they got rid of God to be free from just came right back. Since we're human, we're stuck with that kind of mummery.

Fuck.
All right you retard step back and behold:
atheism is a religion as much as not collecting stamps is a hobby.
Just because a lot of atheists are zealous mouth breathing cretins doesn't make the idea inherent a religion.

Getting rid of God accomplishes none of the goals atheists say it will. It just annoys your neighbors. People do that mostly because they fancy themselves endowed with a special understanding of precious and saving truth, which is why atheists tend to be evangelical. Why bother? You're right back to square one, and you don't even get to go to heaven.

The only way forward is Zeus, clearly.

I go into a chain bookstore, select the book I was looking for (Better Off Without 'Em by Chuck Thompson) and take it to the counter.

When I get there, the clerk begins a memorized patter about their repeat customer reward program. This cues one of my less elaborate scripts:

"I understand how your rewards program works, and I don't want to buy a membership, thanks."

>not bringing friends to the bookstore
>not talking to them nonstop over the guy trying to sell you shit
PLEBEIAN GARBAGE.

I'm old enough to remember cheering when that DJ blew up the disco records at the baseball field in Chicago, back in the late 1970s.

Yes, I hated disco back then. Yes, race was involved. But no, it's not what the anti-rockist diatribes say. I didn't dislike disco because the performers were Black. I disliked disco because it stood in stark contrast to Black music I knew that was more vital and interesting to me. If you grew up with James Brown and the Temptations and the Supremes, disco is going to be a letdown. One of the things wrong with disco was that it was not Funkadelic. 

SO WAY TOO FUCKING OLD TO BE UPDATING A BLOG.

As a lawyer, I refuse to take divorce, child custody, and other domestic and family law cases. There are a couple of reasons why.

A lawyer with a moral compass?
This is quaint.

I have a tin ear for human emotion much of the time. Now, mere felons, mere murderers are one thing; but a person who has contracted a marriage or begotten or given birth to a child has done something so unwise that I find them hard to relate to. These are simply some of the worst things you can do to yourself from a legal perspective. You'd be better off carefully filling in your address and SSN on the first page of your tax return, then attaching your screed saying that you object to the income tax because the fringe on the flag is the wrong color, and submitting it to the IRS in person, naked except for those guns you're carrying. Marriage and parenthood are simply rotten deals if you have a penis. And you aren't going to change that, either; the only good option is none of the above.

FEAR NOT, WARRIORS OF PURGATORY, FOR I HAVE BROUGHT TRUE WISDOM FROM THE LAND OF SAFFRON AND WILLOWS.

On another site, there was a thread about a newscaster whose first name was "Megyn".

I cringe whenever I see its title. "Megyn". Apart from the fact that "Megan" itself is a faddish name and ought to be rarer than it is, but why on earth did the parents who chose to bestow it also choose to tart it up with an original spelling?

Eccentrically spelled names are only one part of what I'm griping out. I became aware of a problem about fifteen or twenty years ago, when it seemed that every breeding couple was calling their daughters something like Tiffany or Chelsea or Kayleigh or Amber. These were often spelled in highly original ways also. Their clueless fathers had either:

1./ No hand in the selection, or
2./ Were so cowed by the womenfolk that they never visited the back room of the video tape store.

The only solution is not to reproduce with a woman so clearly inept.
Caesar himself said it: "Caesar's wife should be above suspicion."
I say naming your kid "Megyn" is suspicious.

Of course, if you name your child Lashonda or Roveeta or T'Juana or something like that, you may as well be hanging a "KICK ME" sign on her ass. All of these names mean one thing in Greek: "You can't read my tattoo."

I blame heresy.

Specifically, the practice of anti-paedobaptism. Used to be, at least in Christian folklore, a baby didn't really have a name until it was conferred at baptism, and up to then the parents could change their mind. 

FILTHY UPSTART.
THE NAMING DAY IS ALL WE NEED
CEASE AND REPENT.
Baptism made it official. And that meant that baby names were conferred at a religious ceremony in front of God and the family and everybody in the congregation. In ritualistic, ceremonial occasions like this, creativity is happily restrained.
Hera is the goddess of names and would be patently displeased with these naming conventions in 2013.

When you postpone baptism until adulthood, naming the baby becomes a matter of filling out the form at the hospital. Nobody's looking, and the creative juices start flowing. Odd spellings and improvised names get put down and copied onto birth certificates before the drugs have worn off completely.

If you breed and get a daughter, here are a few suggestions:

Esther
Maude
Ruth
Lucille
Edith

Names like that are given to people who go on to be taken seriously. Unless that's not what you want.....

We're in agreement, Christian.
Somehow.

The Europeans need to stop being such milksops about the death penalty.

We're in agreement, Christian.
Somehow.

The interpretation of astrological charts is like looking at Rorschach blots, which in turn is like reading tarot cards, which in turn is like taking a Myers-Briggs test, which is like using DSM-IV-TR. What they do is to give you a symbol set, or a language, in which you frame the human behavioral and mental traits you are trying to describe.

We're in agreement, Chr--
I am agreeing with a blog way too much for my own comfort.
The only question remaining is where you went so horribly wrong in life.
Oh God I gotta read all this
No I don't.
Fuck blogs.

U wot m8

I can add captions to shit

Hope everyone is ready for massive confusion today.
This person is probably some sort of transsexual-- I'm not too sure, actually.
They're also likely a furry.
In fact, no, definitely they're a furry.
So it's a chick/dude/something on the outside but inside--
it's a chick/dude/squirrel.
Also the background to this blog is giving me serious eye strain. I think my 3DS has permanently ruined my eyes to patterns like this. My eyes just kind of un-focus themselves by reaction.

Christ, remember the Virtual Boy that had all those warnings that if you were under the age of 7 you shouldn't play it all because you'd go blind?
And even if you were a grown adult you shouldn't play it for more than 30 minutes because you'd, you know, go blind? Not that anyone could play the Virtual Boy for more than 30 minutes without dying
in real life
Anyway I'm just whinging at this point to avoid having to read this.

This client feels that he or she has been dealt with badly by circumstances beyond control. Such a client can tend to bitterness and will immediately respond to a sign of respect and sympathy toward whatever goal or desire has been thwarted. Challenging this individual's bitterness will result in a strong negative response. 

My clients in EVE Online sure are pissy.
"Don't transport those crates of slaves," says the Gallente Federation and the Minmatar Republic, "or we'll be REALLY MAD AT YOU"
Cha whatever.
Crates of slaves one trip, crates of cigarettes the next trip.
Crate of hardcore porno the next.
I don't give a shit. Pay me and it's whatever.
It's going onto my ship.
And don't worry, Minmatar, I'll move to your side five seconds before you get so pissy you throw an elementary school level tantrum and stop talking to me.
Due to the brilliant way this game was engineered (I can't put enough sarcasm quotes around brilliant or engineered so I won't even try) doing missions for you will piss the Amarr and Caldari off less than how much they currently like me.
So if you just juggle that shit back and forth ad nauseum eventually everyone in the game likes you.
Of course this can cause a case of burnout so bad people quit (I've known people to) so it's best to temper this with something that less resembles a real life job.

The state of your life is causing you to make compromises and to change your manner of living to better deal with the future that you plan for yourself. This is causing stress and anxiety, though were times better suited to you, you would be able to find satisfaction in your relationships with others. You see your problems as being temporary ones and so you are willing to forgo pleasures for the present in order to achieve your goals.

Welcome to being an adult, I guess.
Life is a nightmare~

I want Knuckles
From Sonic the Hedgehog. I want to find him... Where is he?

Uhh--
he's a video game character so currently he's very busy being fictional.
Oh fuck you Zoar & Sons I wanted a story mission for Imperial Shipment
fucking goddamn it now it's going to take even longer to grind reputation for these assholes.

I think I have something weird going on. My mind shifts between these... states.

Also, for some reason I feel more and more interested in blood.

I don't get it.

It's okay.
You're just stone cold, bat fuck insane.
Zoar & Sons wants me to rescue a Caldari spy of theirs before she gets thrown out an airlock.
Sounds like a personal problem to me--
The only interaction I've had with these people has been me moving crate after crate of porno and cigarettes to their space station. What makes them think I can destroy Gallente Navy ships?
Now I have to log on to the other character and move her to position--
this game.
Here's some furry fanfiction I'm not reading one word of--

Hi everyone, my name's Lenny. I've been hanging around here a lot so I thought I'd say something. Just a "hello". I'm 12 and my birthday is February 11th (but obviously we celebrate them on out physical birthday), and I'm a fox-squirrel. I've been here for a while but haven't really wanted to use the body. Now I want to experience this.

I'm not really a writer or an artist but I might do some work sometime.

I'm not sure what else to say. Just... "hello".

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's (?) now writing as if she's another person entirely.
Did you know Thomas Edison believed we all had 12 little people living on our brains?
Ok now is where shit gets real.
I hope you're seriously ready for some shit
because it's coming

In light of my recent social developments, my "big bro" Liam told me that I should work out who Matt is, now that I have been given the opportunity to be him in a setting apart from online. This is a bit difficult, given how I see myself in general, but there is one thing I've been wanting to say and this is the place where I can say it.

Okay.

Flutters is Fluttershy. That is a fact that we all accept. Likewise, there are others here who feel as if their energy matches that of "fictional" (I use this term very loosely, but I can't think of another) characters. I guess I'm one of them, but I'm not a pony. It's hard to say for sure, though, because I also identify as multiple and have had several "characters" from various medias interact with my system in some form.

She's not a pony so you know
there is that
in case you thought she was an equine.
Nah I'm being facetious. Of course she means My Little Pony-- AKA the worst thing to ever happen to the internet.
I'm still debating the meaning of her putting "fictional" in quotes and "various characters interacting with my system".

Matt is another matter entirely. He is from the series Death Note, and although he has a very minor role... it just clicked. A roleplay I did with Liam only cemented what I knew was going to happen before I even touched the series.

I am Matt. I don't know entirely what that means, but... I just... Yeah. It fits so much that even after a few months, I'm still in awe.

So she watched an anime called Death Note and decided--
through some undescribed and likely nonsensical and crazy explanation--
that she is the fictional character.
What the fuck?
Here's a post entitled "The wrong things"

Gender
weight
face
hair

EVERYTHING IS WROOOOONG.
WHAT AM I FIGHTIIIIING FOOOOOOR?
So did you get all that?
This is a female who wants to be a male anime character but that character (I guess) in her mind is also a furry.
So it's a woman
who wants to be a man
who wants to be a 12 year old squirrel/fox hybrid.
Got it yet?
Let me break it down further:
female > male anime character> fox/squirrel hybrid

Sooo tired.

But happy.

I had an amazing night out with an old elementary school friend of mine and her boyfriend (both of whom are trans). We went to the transgender support group, then went out for coffee with a few people from the group, then went to McDonalds for something quick to eat. And I got called Matt the entire time (though I did get called she by the lady who served us at McDonalds, but I don't have a chest binder so I guess that's not really avoidable).

And there are support groups for this.
There are enough people out there that think like this that they band together.
Do you know how many hours I spent finding a tutorial that was coherent on the subject of planetary interaction in EVE Online?
Like five hours that took.
Five fucking hours.
I could have found a support group for people that are transanime faster than I could a tutorial for a video game.
What is happening in life?

This is exactly the thing I've needed for so fucking long. Words cannot explain how I feel...

Just.

Yes.

Well it couldn't have been that fucking long because Death Note has only been out for a couple of years.
I've wanted to be a robot since I was like four but at some point you just have to acknowledge some things aren't meant to be.

Hearing some of the girls talk about their experiences (there were a lot of FtMs there, like probably 6 or 7, but most of them didn't talk much) really put a reality to everything I've been feeling lately. Like I'd read articles and watch documentaries and talk to people online, but actually sitting and hearing others talk about it in real life is just.

Yeah.

This reminds me of that (maybe) trolling blog where the guy calls himself a transnigger but you can't get offended by his use of that word because he's black on the inside--
God that was the funniest thing on the internet.
Social justice warriors up in arms.

It makes everything feel... tangible? Yeah. Like something that's real, and not that you just hear in the news or whatever.

There were a lot of people there, though, more than they expected, so it was kinda hard for me to talk at times and my friends kept telling me to not be so shy, haha.

It was still cool, though, and I'm so happy I finally got to do this.

I believe I've said this before but on the outside I'm a scrawny white guy but inside I'm an Imperial Fists chaplain.
You think you're oppressed but there are steps you can take to appear masculine.
The genetic and cybernetic augmentations I need don't exist.
WOE IS ME
My favorite superhero
The only correct answers are Superman or Batman.

Spiderman. That is all.

lol
Incidentally did you see the preview for that new Batman game?
Arkham Chronicles or whatever?
That shit looks off
the
fucking
chain

It's nearly six AM, and I haven't slept. I've spent the better part of the past three hours or so browsing YouTube for documentaries on transgender people (mostly children), and it occurred to me that I've never really talked about my own, personal experiences regarding it.

1.92 standing with Imperial Shipment currently WOOO GETTING THERE
ONLY NEED 6.67
Anyway sorry you were talking about bullshit.

This is mainly because I figure there is no point to it, since I don't hide who I am online. I have no need to officially 'come out' - the transfurs and FtM groups in my journal footer are enough for anyone who views my page to know.

Transfurs.
Need help in a video game?
Hey fuck you, buddy. Figure that shit out on your own you freak.
Transfurs?
Yeah we have a couple groups right here. Which do you need?

When I first started this account in 2008, I presented myself as a cisgender (basically, not transgender; 'biological') male. This was before I even fully realized that was what I was, and at the time thought myself to be some freaky tween (I was 13) chick who pretended to be a guy on the internet, because maybe she wished she was. I learned about FtM (female-to-male) transmen a year later, from an episode of Maury my mom had left on the TV, and everything seemed to click immediately

I am transspacemarine

It wasn't until 2010 when I started really exploring the idea of being transgender. I had spent the past few months in a relationship with a straight guy who I had convinced myself I loved enough to be a girl for him. Naturally, that didn't work out too well, but once I was out of that I was free to be who I wanted online. I joined a support site for transpeople, and a lot of the guys on there helped me figure out just what it meant to be a transman. For the first time, I didn't feel like I was a freak because pretty much every one of them felt similar things to what I had always felt.

#420yolo

I figured that was fine, because what was another three years? The problem was, the Internet was (and still is) my only outlet.

OH SHIT THE INTERNET IS YOUR ONLY OUTLET
OH NO
You know not to pull that card but you could have real problems.
You could be at war or something.

I'm not sure exactly what to say, but I feel like I should say something. It's been a little while since I posted a regular entry, and much has happened in the past few days. I gained a girlfriend (Sesame) and got back in contact with Flutters. That isn't the purpose for this post, though. Every so often I like to do posts describing who I am. It serves a few purposes, but predominately it helps me to figure out how I view myself and figure out where I am in my growth.

IN MY GROWTH OF MENTAL ILLNESS.

But I don't know how to do that this time.

My true identity. What is my true identity? I sometimes use characters like Gaara or Zuko to represent myself, but I for the most part I present as someone separate. For unification purposes, I go by either Matt or Jerry, but underneath that presentation exists a deeper world. It functions much similar to Earth, with a few key differences:

- The inhabitants are anthropomorphic animals
- 'Rules' are looser
- It functions as if it knows that it is a world that exists on a different realm, set apart from what most know as reality.

Within this world exists huge masses of land and ocean, but for the most part only a small section of it is the focus.

So she's transplanet.
DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY?
So you had a thought about a planet filled with furries and you decided that was somehow your identity?
Did you know you can have thoughts and that's not who you are?
Why just today I was thinking about trying Star Wars: The Old Republic again (because it's free to play now and I want to relive the glory days of how fucking bad that game was) but then I said "naw, man, that ain't me" and at no point did I stop to think "wait, what if I am Star Wars?"
Not even a Jedi or like a guy who adapts the philosophy of Star Wars to real world applications (I can understand doing the latter) but actually being the franchise.

Among my nearly 500 characters/ocs/fursonas/whatever you want to call them, there are two I gravitate to more frequently to express my online identity with: Jerry and Matt. In addition to that, there is also Aiden who, although not as often seen, is somewhat of a midpoint between the two. I decided to describe the three of them and what they mean to me, and their connections to my life. I may do this with my other characters, but I am not sure.

Wait, wait, no, no.
No, not the transanime Matt or the furry planet persona but here is yet a third (and fourth and fifth) persona.
I told you motherfuckers it was going to get loud.

 Matt
Matt is the identity I present as more often, because he is the closest to my irl self (with a bit of wish-writing here-and-there), and if you know me you probably know me under this name (TigerFoxMatt as the username). Matt (full name Matthew Leonard, although he prefers to just go by Matt) is a seventeen-year-old fox who has been with me ever since 2005, and has grown and developed alongside me. In a lot of ways, he created my identity (or rather, I formed it around his image).

Well it's still more coherent than VALIS I guess.

Jerry, my main cub fursona, will be turning five on June 8th (the numerical opposite of my birthday, August 6th). Coincidentally, June 3rd will mark my 5th year on FurAffinity, but that wasn't the reason for me aging him up. I simply felt it would fit my personal growth in the physical world.

God what is happening

1. I started this blog.
2. I had and lost a girlfriend.
3. I attempted suicide, twice.

Pretty casual about that.
EH TRIED TO KILL MYSELF NO BIG
Post entitled:

I wish I was incontinent, somewhat

What the actual fuck?
Apparently this person has just turned 18.
I know I shouldn't be surprised but frankly I've been used to these women being well into their 40s.

What I am insecure about:

1. My weight
2. My gender
3. My sexuality
4. The idea that I am multiple
5. My fetishes
6. My being a furry
7. My being a cub

All right I get it.
Another post about how fucked up she is but only the internet understands--

I am a writer and an artist, but I don't really consider myself that. My writing is merely me writing down what goes on in the people inside my head's life. Some would say that kind of thinking makes me nuts, and that I'm just a no-good loser who can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy.

I'd say this entry has been an extended version of that, yes.

To that, I say, you might want to reconsider what 'reality' means.

OH SHIT
CHECK YOUR FUCKING REALITY PRIVILEGE, ME.

"You can't prove these stories are actually happening!"

And you can't disprove them.

Burden of proof is on you, however. I can't prove a negative.
You can prove a positive.
God fuck this blog.
Fuck everything.
Fuck it.