THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Dreamwidth has been 100% fanfiction and I've been checking for like five minutes.
It finally happened. The fanfiction singularity.
So let's take a hop back to Livejournal and whoa it's still shit but let's read about people being scum.
I cannot attest to the quality of this entry because this is ostensibly people just explaining how much people suck so there might not be much to say.
We'll see.

Recap: Assistant Manager at a Thrift Store
It finally happened.
Someone took a deuce in the fitting rooms. Right on the floor. Giant, disgusting pile.

I'd walk the fuck out.
No job is worth the biohazard.

My coworker actually asked if someone let an elephant into the store, to give you an idea of the volume we're talking. It was even on the wall.
They left their pants and underwear and stole a pair of ours to wear out.
I'm not sure if it was malicious (there's a group of people around here none too fond of our company, as per local Craigslist rants...) or someone just had an accident... either way, I wish whoever they were would have just asked to use the restroom. We don't have a public one, but for emergencies, I make exceptions. That was an emergency... it took me and my coworker tag-teaming all day to clean it up. It was... horrific.
Bonus Suck: When someone steals a pair of shoes and puts their old disgusting pair back on the shelf. Ugh.

No amount of money
is worth this
what it is with you

At the restaurant I'm helping at, you're only allowed to come in and dine on days you don't work. So, I decided to do just that. On my day off, I got dressed up in my normal every day clothes and went to go eat.  I'm standing up front chatting with some friends when a woman approaches me, standing in between my friend and me and says "I need you to help me when you're done chit-chatting." 

Who goes to work when they don't have to?
This was a common problem on Kitchen Nightmares, too. Hanging out after your shift ends! Like what?
Who does this?
I might hang out at a school to talk to another teacher for a while (up to half an hour one time!) but I'd never just go in when I didn't have to.

I look at my other friend who is standing on the other end of the counter who IS working and raise my brow. Really? You're going to approach the girl in jeans and a t-shirt as opposed to the actual person working? "Uh, ma'am, I'm sure they'd love to help you right over there. The gentleman by that computer there."

"You were here when I got this yesterday. They gave me the wrong bottle of wine. I need to exchange this now." She replies. 

Well why didn't you handle that yesterday?
No I don't care about this.

This is strictly a wtf but it was so funny i couldn't keep it to myself. It's like a comedy skit but it seriously happened. The customer did not suck, he was great to work with and his problem got fixed. Just some crossed wires lol

I am wanting to do a hard reset on his modem which will reboot it and possibly cut off our call.
Me: Are you using a cellphone right now?
C: I have a laptop.
Me: *My bad, easy to misunderstand. Let's try this again* Are you using a cellphone to talk to me right now?
C: I've got a laptop.
Me: *Massive communication failure, let's move on* Your modem is going to reboot once I do this.
C: That's okay, I'm using a cellphone.

That's your fault for not asking if they were talking to you currently on a cellphone or a land line. You have to be specific with idiots.

I love comic books, and to placate both my wallet and my husband I tend to buy a lot from a second hand book store in the town near me.
It's not a big shop, and the comics/graphic novel section is a small section in the back corner. Today when I went in I couldn't get anywhere near it as a couple browsing in the rest of the shop had decided the comic book section was obviously the babysitting section and had left their two young kids sat on the floor, strewing the comic books all over the place. Seriously, the two kids were looking at a comic, then just dumping then on the floor. It was a total mess, and I could see the assistant was getting pretty annoyed.
It became clear pretty quickly that there was no way I was going to get anywhere near the things I wanted to look at as neither child seemed to recognise the words "Excuse Me", so I was about to leave when the kids dad came over, giving me the stink eye and started making comments to his kids that were quite clearly aimed at me along the lines of "Isn't it silly grown ups want to read comics? Ha ha ha!" and "Girls shouldn't be reading comics". So great, not only does he let his kids to make messes in shops, he's teaching them outdated gender stereotypes.
I left and went back later. The assistant recognised me and told me the family didn't buy anything, and she had to put the comics back. And one of the graphic novels the kids had been reading? Kick Ass. Cause that's totally for kids. 

So I'm playing the new Diablo 3 expansion, Reaper of Souls, and I'm having trouble disliking the nemesis in this expansion.
Malthael. He's the "reaper of souls" in the title.
His big idea is that since demons and angels won't stop fighting and humans won't stop meddling the only logical solution is to kill a ton of people so he can gain power because, as the angel of death, he is powered by people dying.
There is peace after death he argues and after reading blogs for the last 4 years I'm struggling to find a flaw in this plan.
Assholes like this get their souls sucked out and then there's no more struggle.

Get your imperialist attitude out of here

Don't tell me what to do.

This is a WTF that I can't stop laughing about.

Background: I'm an American, currently living and working in a cupcake shop in Melbourne. I don't know why, but whenever I encounter my fellow countrymen here, they can never tell that I am American. (Everyone else can.)

YOU ABANDONED YOUR FREEDOMS LONG AGO.

So an American couple came into the shop yesterday and wanted to buy six cupcakes. No probs. Unfortunately, due to stocking issues with a supplier, we're currently out of six-boxes. So I ask if it's cool to pack five in a box and one separately.

They didn't seem to mind or get angry, but the woman seemed very, very confused.

American Woman: See, in America, everyone orders cupcakes in a dozen or half dozen!

Luckily, her husband set her straight.

American Man: Yes, but it wouldn't be like that here. It's not a dozen in the metric system!

Yes, here in Australia, we only sell cupcakes by 10s. True story.

That's not an imperialist attitude. That's a dumbass attitude. An imperialist would be well aware of what systems were used to measure what in a different country.

Dear Asshole with a Cute Dog
Your Border Collie is adorable, and I don't blame him for what happened tonight, but you sir are a rude idiot.
Yes, I am indeed on my period, it's a perfectly natural part of being female. As such I'm not ashamed of it, but it's not something I like to announce. So when I came to the table next to you and your dog dove nose first into my crotch I didn't find it amusing that you yelled out "Watch out, the barmaids on the rag, he can always tell!" on the top of your voice so all the customers could hear you. I ignored you, but you seemed to think it was so funny and kept saying it to your mates, who quite frankly were cringing at your behaviour. Shame you were already getting up to leave, I'd love to have refused your service.
Grow the hell up.
No love,
Me
P.S. Your friend did give me a nice tip as you left, so thanks for that I guess.

AHUEHEUHEUEHUEHEU

-_- .....This might be a slightly judgmental statement, but if those pizzas were for a CHURCH....is a little respect and common decency in an interaction too much to ask? 

Yes.
Fuck.
Blogs are gay.
So speaking of jobs in Korea let's watch this.
I can jerk off to this.

Das It Mane

Dear Abby redid her entire website.
Good excuse as any I figure.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for two years. We gave each other our phone passwords as soon as we made it official to avoid keeping things from each other.
One night I had a sudden urge to go through his phone. I had never done it before, and when I looked at his Facebook messages, I saw he had been exchanging inappropriate pictures with someone. I was shocked and angry, and it almost ended our relationship.
He deleted and blocked this person, and I forgave him. 

Who
cares

DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and have been married for 12 years. My wife is 35. When we first got together, my wife did not want to have kids right away. She said maybe after I graduated from college, or perhaps we could adopt. It took more time because of some surgeries, but I have graduated now and I want to start a family.
She now says she thought I was kidding when we were talking about it all those years ago, and that I knew she never wanted kids. I am at a loss. I love this woman, but I do want children, or to adopt a baby if that's not possible -- but she says she's unwilling to do either. What am I to do? -- WANTS TO BE A DAD IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

NC represent
The answer is you divorce the lying whore.

DEAR WANTS TO BE A DAD: You either accept that you will be childless, or talk to an attorney about divorcing a woman who appears to have deceived you. How sad!

Somehow my response came across as gentler and I called her a whore.
At least you could muster a "what a shame"
"How sad!" with an exclamation point?
That's what I say when I die in Diablo 3.
Losing a match in League of Legends registers as higher on my list of shit going wrong than "how sad!"
Dude finds a relationship of 12 years is built on a lie and that's all you got for him?
How sad?

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged to my ex-girlfriend for three years. We broke up more than a year ago -- her choice. We reconciled briefly, but are now broken up for good, and she's dating someone else.
My question is about the engagement ring. It didn't bother me that she kept it until recently. Should I ask for the ring back or let it go?

Reclaim your overpriced property.
I'd bring garden shears just in case I had to hack her finger off.
I call in loans in EVE Online with more prejudice than you're managing over an actual engagement ring.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Gwen," just started middle school. She makes good grades, but she's strong-willed. Do kids grow up instantly when they start middle school?
She wants to know if she can have a boyfriend. I told her not until she's 15. Now she's flirting with girls who ask her out. I told her to stay away from them, not because they are lesbians but because they are not good girls. They are always in trouble.

Bitch I will not be on teen mom. I am disowning you if you get pregnant.
That's how you parent, motherfucker.
11 year old girl
flirting with other 11 year old girls
not on my watch.

Gwen says I'm too strict, and if I don't stop, she will run away.

Yeah, okay, Gwen.
I've been a substitute for 2 years, I taught at a shitty hood school, worked at a shitty grocery store and I'm about to go to South Korea.
If you want to go crazy then let's get nuts because I've been madder than a hatter for more than double the time you've been on earth.
Trying to hold me
emotionally hostage
with your shitty middle school psychological tricks
NOT TODAY, ASSHOLE.

I adopted her at birth (it was an open adoption), and she recently asked me if I am going to place her for adoption. She was worried that I would. I am very concerned that she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Any advice?

Mail her a bullet with a card that says "the next one is coming a hell of a lot faster."

DEAR MOM: People do not grow up "instantly." I know individuals who are immature at 50, and I'm sure if you think about it, so do you. From what you have told me about your daughter, it's clear that she is far from the grown-up she thinks she is.
If you do not to want Gwen to date until she is older, that is your prerogative as her parent. The gender of the person isn't the issue.

You know, Gwen, they say a prince can be judged by the company he keeps.
Do you want to be called a whore the rest of your life?
Better get your head on straight you little cunt.

Because you think she is hanging out with the wrong crowd, my advice is to make sure she is so busy she doesn't have time to spend with them. Involve her in activities outside of school -- sports, scouting, music or art. And be sure she knows that you are her forever mother and that nothing she could ever do will lessen your love for her.

SMACK U RITE ACROSS THE GABBA M8

I'm a single mother supporting four children with no help from my ex-husband. I am fortunate to have a good job that I like. I referred a friend to the company who has since become a regular employee, and he seems to be happy here. I was recently told that I'll be receiving a referral bonus, which was a pleasant surprise. My friend approached me and asked me point-blank to split the money with him! 

HUE HUE HUE you're a funny guy, friend.

I was taken aback. He knows my situation. He has a wife who also works full time, and two kids. I think he has a lot of gall to put me in a spot like this. The bonus money will be a huge help to me, and I don't think it's right that he expects me to give half of it to him. How do I handle this while keeping our work relationship intact?

Mail him a bullet with a card--

Ignore your co-worker's question. If the subject is raised again, laugh and tell him you thought he was joking. If he says he wasn't, remind him how hard jobs are to find and tell him he's lucky you didn't ask HIM for a referral fee. You don't owe him anything; he owes YOU his gratitude.

Murder him and find a replacement.
Repeat.
Live off finder's bonuses.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of 18 months, whom I love with all my heart, just learned an ex-boyfriend passed away. They dated on and off for 10 years, and she's inconsolable.
After their relationship ended, she married someone else and divorced. I am having a really hard time with how she's handling this. Can you please help? -- CURRENT MR. RIGHT IN RHODE ISLAND

Women, man.
She chose you over this sucker so whatever.
Don't be a twit about it.

DEAR CURRENT MR. RIGHT: Your girlfriend may not be mourning the death of her former flame as much as she's grieving a burial of 10 years of her history. Give her time and let her share her feelings with you. If you do, it will bring you closer. Do NOT allow jealousy to enter into the picture. (Remember, the man is dead, and YOU are her future.)

There you go.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem dealing with shopping mall kiosk operators. Many of them are outright obnoxious. They block your way and insist that you listen to their pitch or try their product. I find I have to avoid eye contact with them. They might say something nice as I walk by, but if I answer, it is a guaranteed lead-in to a sales pitch.

You've got 10 seconds to move or this is going to get fucking ugly.

I feel bad for not replying, but it's the only way. I know they are trying to make a living, but I can see their product as I walk by. If it's something I'm interested in, I'll stop and ask. Otherwise, I think they should respect my privacy. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Alternatively you can employ the Steve stratagem (so named after my friend Steve) who would try to sell the competitor's product to the salesman.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Dawn" for more than a year. She has an amazing 7-year-old daughter, "Charise," who started calling me Dad about six months after her mother and I began dating. I love being a "dad" -- going to the park, on trips, helping out at school and telling bedtime stories.
The problem is, I don't love Dawn. We don't get along well anymore. My mother tells me I should find someone else and have kids of my own, but Charise "feels" like my kid. I can't imagine losing her.
One friend suggested I marry Dawn so I can stay in her daughter's life, but I want to be in love with the woman I marry. Am I wrong for not wanting to lose a child I consider my daughter, but not wanting to marry someone I don't love? -- SPINNING MY WHEELS IN CALIFORNIA

You're in love with the 7 year old, mang.
Pedophilia ahoy!
At this point I'd like to say that isn't the suggested solution. That's just the reality of the situation.
I have no idea how to tell you how to fix this.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a member of the clergy who enjoys studying for my ministry and doctoral work at a local coffee shop. Three men who go there every day have found out that I'm a minister, and they each want to talk with me while I'm there. Although all three are members of the same religion, none of them is affiliated with a church.
I have invited them to visit my worship services, as well as call the office and set up an appointment with me. I have also tried to diplomatically explain that I go to the coffee shop to study. One of them ignores it, another appears hurt and the third one gets offended. When they're not around, I am productive. When they show up, they want me to be their chaplain.
Because of where I live, finding another coffee shop is not a viable option. How can I set a boundary with them and still do my studying there? Thank you. -- REVEREND KEN IN NEW YORK

Oh I'm sorry I thought ministers were supposed to help people with spiritual needs.
My fucking mistake.
Also "Chaplain" my ass.
This is the one true kind of chaplain:

And you will never, ever be that awesome.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Lizzie," continues to talk to a 14-year-old boy who is very controlling and abusive to her. I made her stop talking to him, took away her cellphone privileges, and tried to show her how wrong he was for her and that she was going to wind up very hurt.
After recently giving her the cellphone back, I learned last night that Lizzie has been talking to him and lying to me about it. He sent her a text that if she didn't answer his call within seven minutes, he was either going to shoot himself or cut himself. He included a picture of his arm with a knife held against it. She thinks that her compliance is all that's standing in the way of this boy killing himself.

No daughter of mine would be terrified into compliance.
The only thing you should teach your kids to say in situations like this is "do it, faggot"

I'm scared for her safety, but she won't listen to me because she "loves" him. When I called the boy's mother about it, she became defensive and accused me of implying she was a bad mother. Please tell me how to handle this.

Compromise is akin to treachery.

Really if you'd raised your child in a proper, Imperial manner this wouldn't be a problem.
My nephew is getting married next year. I was very excited because I love him and I'm a baker. I had planned on making the groom's cake as I did for his brother's and sister's weddings. The problem is, they have decided on a hunting theme for their wedding -- including a camouflage wedding dress for the bride.

Sorry to hear you're related to trash.

Abby, I am an animal-rights activist. I'm against any form of hunting. I am also involved with several animal-protection groups. My nephew and his fiancee know how hard I work for animal rights -- just the thought of a hunting theme for a wedding makes me ill.
I don't even want to attend, let alone make a cake. What can I do so there will be no hurt feelings if I don't want to attend or participate? -- BAKER IN THE MIDWEST

"I won't suffer white trash."

DEAR BAKER: The theme for your nephew's wedding is certainly unique. The concept of a camouflage wedding dress is practical because the dress can be worn after the nuptials, which isn't the case with many bridal gowns.

You can wear it to Wal-Mart, maybe, because I'm sure a dress isn't practical for hunting.

Feeling as strongly as you do about not attending, write the happy couple a warm letter wishing them a lifetime of happiness together and include a nice wedding gift -- I'm sure there will be no hurt feelings.

You know I'm sure a lot of people would say a society dictated by me would be especially brutal and uncompromising and yeah it would be but at least there wouldn't be much in the way of social ambiguity.
Everyone would know exactly where they stood at all times.

DEAR ABBY: I'm incredibly fond of my friend "Russell." He is always supportive, considerate and kind to me. However, I know that he is into S&M and this worries me, as I can't reconcile the two different people -- a gentle person with someone wanting to dominate and possibly hurt a woman in bed.
Should I be worried that Russell is hiding a dark side that will eventually come out and ruin our friendship? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN AUSTRALIA

It's not like he's raping women.
Presumably.
Also, good Christ you live in Australia. You encounter an average of 10 lethal things walking to your garbage can and this is what has you bothered?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Oh I see.
So it's okay when YOU do it but when they do it they're being big meanie heads.
You know for all the shit your religion doesn't permit it sure does tolerate hypocrites easily.
When asked to describe the difference in standard operating procedure between newer religions and older religions the most acute difference I see is the acceptability of hypocrisy.
And that is where modern religions started going wrong.

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? -- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

You are hypocritical swine.

I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

No, Abby, I got this.
You can't reason with these people.
I handled it as much as you can.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 33 years. I recently found a pair of her panties with "Booty Call" printed across the back. I can't help but wonder. She has never had underwear like that in 33 years. What gives? -- SURPRISED TEXAN
DEAR SURPRISED: Was your wife wearing the lingerie at the time? If not, how did you discover the panties?
The surest way to get to the bottom of this would be to ask your wife this question. She may have thought they were cute and bought them on impulse -- or they may have been a gift. Please let me know, because not only am I interested in her answer, but I'm sure millions of readers are curious, too.

YEAH.
HEAR THAT SHIT?
ABBY IS TELLING YOU TO KEEP YOUR SLUT WIFE'S BUSINESS TO YOURSELF.
 FUCK.
Time for bed.

What the fuck am I reading

So today's entry seems to fancy himself some sort of combat master.
He talks about some hand to hand security class like he's being tactically indoctrinated via hypnocasket by the Ultramarines.
Today I went to my first upper belt class for martial arts. It wasn't at all what I was expecting, and I have no idea if it was a "normal" class or not.
Well it starts with 5 minutes in the pain glove.
Not sure what that is?
Well fuck you.

It seemed more technical than the other classes I've been to, less strength-building and more fine-tuning techniques. We spent about an hour of the two-hour class doing nothing but spinning crescent kicks, over and over and over. The rest of it was mounting holds and throws. That was a lot more fun than the kicks, which got really, REALLY old after a while.

Well, you know, it's like Bruce Lee said:
I fear more the man who has practice 1 kick 10,000 times than the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks one time.

I am happy to report that I survived my personal security course this weekend. Yay! Thirty hours of intense hand to hand self defense training, full contact with no rules except to survive at any cost. It was a phenomenal experience. 

Or Deathwatch training, as we usually call it.
Surely you didn't think you could wear the black without training?
Intense assassination, evasive, breaching and barricade/hostage training.
It's the business a space marine isn't used to. It's the training that sets you apart from normal space marines.

The basic premise of the weekend was stress inoculation and violence desensitization. We learned that the primary mistake most people make when they're in a violent situation is that their brains go into vapor lock. 

Gotta accept the hypno indoctrination from the Deatwatch before they let you in as a full member. Loyalty to the chapter is subsumed by loyalty to the Deathwatch.
This isn't a comfortable reality for any marine.

We learned gun and knife disarms. 

You know the thing about a good knife attack is you don't realize you're being shanked until it's too late. If he's waving it in front of your face usually he's doing it wrong.
Also a gun disarm, really?
That sounds like a great way to get shot.

We learned how to channel our fear and shock into rage. Flipping a switch in our brains that says "Not me, not today" and then going forward with everything we have in order to make sure we survive the encounter. Constant forward motion is the key, and not backing down until the threat is neutralized.

Yeah, okay.
In her head she's thinking this is what's happening now:

But the reality is probably closer to:

Boy I sure am glad I have to agree I'm 18 or older to read this.

It's official: I am now a gold belt. Woohoo!!!

So this is you now, huh?
Here's a post entitled "early released"
can you believe today was a 2 hour delay then we got out early because of the ice?
North Carolina has lost its mind.
God I'm tired. Fuck this.
NO SONG OF THE DAY NO TIME FOR THAT.

Oh God I gotta read all this

Fuck, God.
First post is "dear fanfic authors" so I can skip this because it isn't addressed to me--
but I guess I will anyway.

And other authors, as well.

Being a virgin does not make you sweet and innocent like an angel.

Being promiscuous and enjoying sex does not make you devilishly twisted and evil.

Rape does not equal love, not even if the victim orgasmed.

Actual masters and actual slaves in rape scenarios is not even remotely like a D/s relationship.

Your horny bad evil nasty villains having consensual sex are better role models than your good virgin master who raped his good virgin slave.

Really fuck with the typical fanfiction reader. Depict an unclear consent sex scene with an otherwise conflicted character.
Then shop it around.
Sit back and wait for the arguments on Tumblr.

Although my NES games were a bit dirty, I had trouble with Tetris tonight, too. Apparently there's something either loose or dirty inside the NES again that's causing the bad connection and the blinky screen of not-starting. I'll have to try other games to double check before I - gulp - disassemble and clean the interior again. 

>not replacing the inferior contacts of the NES with the superior contacts of a Game Genie
get good, scrub

But yeah, bitches, I got through 9-4 tonight. Couldn't make it through 9-5 yet (came close a couple times before the RNG screwed me), but I just wanted to say...if you have...did you notice who was on that score screen?

>bitching about RNG on Tetris
GET GOOD, SCRUBLORD
Here's a mythology "pun" and it's so stupid I'm not even going to waste anyone's time explaining to you exactly why it's fucking stupid but just imagine I called her a cunt.
SCAMANDER SOUNDS LIKE SALAMANDER HUH HUH HUH that's not a pun so much as you're a retarded child.

Had a long and deeply involved dream about becoming sick, figuring out I had been turned into a zombie, and readjusting to a life of cannibalism. Is that creeping you out? Because my pragmatic "guess I need to eat your face now, sorry," approach to the ordeal seems a bit too nonchalant.

No you're fucking stupid.
I had a dream recently where I was sick and I figured out I had gangrene in my leg and instead of telling anyone I hid it by wrapping my leg tight in a sheet and then when I tried to peel the sheet away to check the wound the oozing pus had crusted it to my leg and I couldn't pull it off without passing out from pain.
Then I finally did and there was like exposed bone and shit.
Then I woke up and my leg was super asleep and that's why the weird dream.
I hope.
Hopefully it wasn't one of those prophetic dreams like what Homer talks about.
Oh well.
If it is I'll just have it cut off.

Winchester lady tells the Louisiana soldiers they were too late to catch the Yankees. Suave Louisianan busts out, "Madame! Je n’arrive jamais trop tard!"

HAAAAAA what

 Mario Kart was getting boring, so I connected to wifi and started challenging peeps. And I think I'm doing fairly well...like finishing in the top three or four against worldwide challengers with much higher race rankings kind of well. At least until my wifi craps out, as it is wont to do. XD

So yeah...I think I actually do have some Mario Kart bragging rights. Very pleased to discover I am quite good. Knew I wasn't the best ever, but those consistently good finishes leads me to believe I am pretty darn good, after all.

>bragging rights
>4th place
get good, scrub

Seriously, every damn book I read has incest, or suspected incest, whether or not I'm looking for it. What the hell? When did published books start reading like fanfics?

Right around the time they stopped publishing good books and let women run 90% of the publishing world.
Just saying Warhammer is mostly men and there is no incest.
There might be giant demon women giving birth to baby Chaos Space Marines with no skin but there is no incest that I am aware of.

I don't even mind it in concept, but every book? No. This is beyond coincidence. Incest is apparently the latest taboo to make a book edgy.

Just envision me hunched over, holding myself, weeping about gratuitous fake incest as plot device, all right?

Who cares?
Literally nobody cares at all about any of this.
So, uhhh, not to draw this entry short or anything but I suddenly find myself with business to which I must attend.
Let's do the song of the now, then.
I like this song because it seems like something that would have come out in the 80s but it came out like 2 years ago.

FUCK THE INTERNET

Ok so I know it's Friday and I haven't updated since last Friday but unlike usual I have a good excuse: I had no internet.

I even had a job interview over Skype with Korea the second before it cut out.
No joke, man.
All's well that ends well though, as I salvaged it and I got a followup interview.
No thanks to Time Warner.
Here's even how the conversation went:
"I know it's early but we can start the interview"
"That's fine with me I'm ready."
Like I shouldn't have said that. That was tempting the fates if ever I've seen it. I should have just said "yeah okay."
But you know I had been ready since I got the email at 9 AM so I was pretty eager to get it over and done with like goddamn.
Also protip for Skype interviewees on Time Warner: there's a Skype app for smart phones. Don't leave it to Time Warner to work properly.
I even had my netbook on standby if my computer crashed but I didn't account for the internet going out.
Like what's more likely to happen? The computer with 9 weeks of up time to crash or the notoriously bad internet service to not work?
Fucking stupid, man.
Anyway time to get our fucking murder lust on.
Oh and I'm sure some people might think oh well you're in the frozen hellhole that is North Carolina so maybe the ice downed some lines and it's not TW's fault?
Yeah, well, this was before all that shit happened.
Time Warner is shit the old fashioned way.
Fuck Time Warner
Fuck South Korea for only interviewing at night
fuck everyone.

as indicated in the other post
i found Simple Abundance pretentious
materialistic and unrealistic

here my abundance for
this wet cold grey day

* home made split pea soup
in the freezer
perfect to warm up the day

* old worn orange pashima shawl
comforting in warmth and color
a familiar "friend"

* marshmallow & carmel easter egg
50 cents
surprisingly good
a treat on a grey day

So this fucking blog is written as if it's poetry but it really isn't so it's just like normal fucking thoughts with bizarre line breaks.
Like imagine if
I conducted
the rest of the entry
like this.

I'd have no readers
before the end of the post

rooting around in my bookshelves
i had found it
thought i might use topics
for march posts
but no
Simple Abundance - Sara Ban Breathbach
when i bought it
i was a bit put off
too precious

but now
re-reading - no
published in the mid '90s
too materialistic
happiness is in the having
just the right little thing
positive thinking
but always the material indulgence
take a bubble bath
light a scented candle

i shall look for a book
yes here it is
Keep It Simple - John Nichols
beautiful photos
maybe truth to be found
in images

I can't even focus on this. 

watching news & commentary
still thinking about Arizona
flipping around the channels - waiting

because i love alliteration
tired of bullies, bigots, bad tv

need to retreat
to cats
and tea
and irish soda bread

"because I love alliteration" she says in a post with no alliteration.
Or no, my mistake:
because I love alliteration
she says
in a post
with no alliteration

all is well in the dream universe
but over there?
i can't get in

I sit alone in my four corner room starin' at candles

oh that shit is on?

let me drop some shit like this here

at night I can't sleep

I toss and turn

candlesticks in the dark

visions of bodies being burned

four walls just starin' at a nigga

I'm paranoid sleepin' with my finger on the trigger

my mother's always stressin' I ain't livin' right

but I ain't goin' out without a fight

see every time my eyes close

I start sweatin' and blood starts comin' out my nose

Is somebody watchin' the ak'?

But I don't know who it is so I'm watching my back

I can see him when I'm deep in the covers

when I awake I don't see the motherfucker

he owns a black hat like I own

a black suit and a cane like my own

some might say "take a chill, B"

but fuck that shit, there's a nigga trying to kill me

I'm poppin' in the clip when the wind blows

every 20 seconds got me peepin' out the window

investigating the joint for traps

checkin' my telephone for taps

I'm starin' at the woman on the corner

it's fucked up when your mind's playing tricks on you

well, no
dull boring drab
embarrassing!

old stars should be allowed

to just be
not put on display

I make big money

I drive big cars

everybody know me

it's like I'm a movie star

but late at night

somethin' ain't right

I feel I'm bein' tailed by the same sucker's headlights

is it that fool that I ran off the block?

or is it that nigga last week that I shot?

or is it the one I beat for 5000 dollars?

Thought he had 'caine but it was Gold Medal flour

reached under my seat

grabbed my poppa for the suckas

ain't no use in me lyin' I was scareder than a motherfucker

hooked the left into Popeye's

if it's going down let's get this shit over with

here they come

just like I figure

I got my hand on the motherfucking trigger

what I saw'll make your ass start gigglin'

three blind, crippled and crazy senior citizens

I live by the sword

I take my boys everywhere I go 'cause I'm paranoid

I keep looking over my shoulder and peepin' around corners

my mind is playing tricks on me

3. "religious freedom"
when does the freedom of person A
impinge on the needs and rights
of person B?
who decides?
when are the obligations
and duties of a person
negated by their religious beliefs?

i had it happen to me
a doctor refused to prescribe
birth control pills
his conscience forbade it
he did have the grace to find another doctor
who would do it
how was that less enabling
than doing it himself?
if the object was to deny me the pills?
or was it just to keep his conscience "clean"?
HE didn't give me the pills

fortunately there was another doctor
to write the Rx
what if he had been the only one?

And I lost my place because I went back to this blog.

Fuck.

Also he has the right to not do something he disagrees with.
Ignorant or not.

Truly the greatest rap song ever created, though.

Did you know Rx likely comes from the Eye of Ra?

The Egyptians associated it with healing and medicine.

And somehow Rx is supposed to look like it.

No I don't understand it either.

Go on, Google the eye of Ra and see if it looks like Rx.

All I know is people had a lot of imagination back then.

when i took the Rx to the druggist
does he have the right
to deny me those pills
because it is against his conscience?
does he have the right to further embarrass me?
what if that is the only drug store in town?

Plan B is now available over the counter
can the person behind the register
make a scene
deny the sale
because of their conscience?

Notice this is all about
"woman stuff"
would there be the same assertion of conscience
for viagra or condoms?

When Mr Hobby Lobby says
he won't pay for Rx for viagra
i may find him more creditable
i won't agree
but i will find it more creditable

Hobby Lobby also doesn't use barcodes because they think it has something to do with the mark of the beast and the end times.

Come the fuck on that's a weak argument.

Is anyone else trying to figure out when the line breaks come? I thought there'd be some kind of logic behind it but there isn't.

has anyone told a christian
you are unnatural?
unloveable?
dirty? crude? despicable?
said that in public
and been approved?

I have.

I wasn't approved, though.

AVE CAESAR.

why a New England girl
is happy in Maryland
(besides the climate)

Wait are you calling the climate in Maryland good?
Because if so I got some news.

Unless you mean it's good except for the climate.

In which case: I got some news.

Also COME ON BE MORE VAGUE I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.

Being vague is totally a replacement for having interesting things to say.

yes, Maryland was a slave state
birthplace of Harriet Tubman
and Frederick Douglas
(a bit up the road
from where i live)

yes, the county i live in
was the last to give up
legal segregation - until 1971
and had a lynching in the 30's

but
Maryland has marriage equality
has done away with the death penalty
is moving toward medical marijuana
and is moving to prevent transgender discrimination
recognizing that our current laws don't cover it

yes the state song
has some nasty verses
we just humm during those

and now i must begin work

Maryland has a state song?

 i am a child of the sun
solar powered
i need its energy

i am a leo
still blond
love the color yellow

i am a cat
sleeping
in a puddle of sunshine

i am a sunflower
turning
my face to the sun

i follow its rise
and setting
knowing just where and when

Amaterasu
holding her mirror
lights the world

Amaterasu is the goddess of the sun in Japanese mythology and probably theeeee (?) most central figure.

Don't worry, I got you covered on mythology.

And no, this still isn't a replacement for having interesting things to say.

A girl quizzed me on Greek mythology yesterday.

I almost couldn't believe what was happening.

Like you better check yourself before you get wrecked.

except for a glimpse
i didn't watch
saw team USA enter

pbs has so much good
especially a program on Alice Walters
made me think
when is Michele going to get real
let her hair go natural
guess she can't stop
"doin' the white thing"
until he's out of office

first lady with a fro
that would be really cool
what if the older first daughter
wants corn rows?

a mystery set in the 20s
oooo the clothes!
Downton Abbey is dowdy

a bit of Rachel on "Big Chris"

i can live without russia

I can live without this blog.
Fuck.

before there was velcro
there were zippers
before there were zippers
there were buttons

buttons were a big deal
you showed off just how wealthy you were
how fashionable or pretentious
by your buttons

Forgot buckles.
Those used to be the bomb-diggity, boy.

* be irritated
or amused?

If it's anything like the last year and a half of my life the answer is both at the same time.

sorry this is so long

is how an entry ends.
Like shut up, then.
Fuck.
Nope don't care about any of this.
Fuck off.
Song of the now.
I don't like this song as much as the other one but you know what can you do.