MONETIZE MY BLOG!?

I could monetize this son of a bitch and make pennies, pennies, I say, per month! I won't do that, though, because then I can't gloat more about all these shitty blogs with ads all over their shit. I provide all this high quality entertainment for free and you fags are asking for money? I think not.
Oh right, today's blog. I see ads, but that might just be Livejournal~
I didn't even really read today's blog before diving into this entry, but from the sounds of it our boy needs knocked down a peg. As Don Henley said (I hate the Eagles) "kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down."

That's a bad word now, isn't it? ^_~

^_~ faggot.

Well. School was quite fun today.

>school
>fun
what

Swedish class went by rather quickly, after which I had some lunch and then proceeded to call a certain English girl who sounded very sleepy . So damn cute.

HEY GUYS I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I'M JUST SAYING.

Anyways, that really made me happy and energetic and just... happy! <3

Whatever, putz. By your emoticons I'm sure you're just upset she doesn't have a dick.

I banded together with the more talented people in my class, gamesdev-wise, and we've decided to make a semi-3D roleplaying-game in Microsoft's XNA environment.

You can't have part of a dimension, people. Either it's full 3D or it's 2D with models rendered in 3D. Knock this whole "2.5D" shit off.

Also, mischievous rabbit is mischievous? =D When I got home from school, her damn cage was open and she was happily hopping about in the living room. ^^';

:|
Ok gearing up for the world's longest entry ever, and I'm actually going to read at least part of it before skipping.

Upon walking through the gates to the arrivals hall, my eyes find a very specific girl amongst the other randomers, smiling. I walked towards her, but she disappeared. Then I heard a voice that I've heard through my headset oh-so many times before. Upon turning around, I was welcomed by the most heartwarming embrace I've ever felt. I've known her online for over a year, and I just couldn't believe she could be as nice a person in real life as she was online, but... she's all that, and much more.

k
also: lol internet romances

I acted as her pillow on the train ride back.

Heh

A while later, Bry came back down and said she couldn't sleep. She cuddled up beside me on the couch, and... we kissed. And Gods, did it feel wonderful.

I hate it when people say "gods" instead of "God" because they're Pagan or some shit. Talk proper, Christ. I don't believe in God or gods or Jesus Christ either but that doesn't keep me from invoking his name every other second, inevitably at something douchey one of you assholes said. Dipshits.

Saturday, the 8th of August, was a very special day.

Ah, she slobbed your knob. Say no more, my man.

The most important reason the 8th is a special day, though, is that it was the day upon which me and Bryony officially got together, which is something that means so much I can't put words to it.

Yep.
Really you don't need to go into details, bro. I get you.

Skegness was really fun.

Excuse me?
I don't know what (or where, for that matter) "Skegness" is but it sounds treatable.
Ok I can't read any more, good grief.
Moving on~

Meaning, I can play a song perfectly in theory, but my damn hands just can't do it.

That's a convenient excuse.

Then I made a new EVE Online account (shock!) and played 'till four in the morning.

Oh you played a screen saver until four in the morning?

It appears as though 2009 is approaching rather quickly.

Oh what, I just skipped nine months' worth of entries? Goddamn, kid. You're boring as fuck. I'd read a sentence, then skip, read a sentence, then skip for a whole nine months? Bro. Seriously. Liven up. Say something interesting once in a while. It won't kill you to have a personality.
This blog is left with so little content (five minutes spread across at least nine whole months) I'm left with little else to say.
So here's a humorous picture to amuse you:

You sure do lead an ironic life

How many times should the word "ironically enough" appear in a blog? I'd argue 0 times because if it's truly (and humorously) ironic then the irony should be apparent from the situation. It's like when someone says "PUN INTENDED". When you have to point out that you did something clever or funny, you have already fucked up in exactly the same way as when you have to explain a joke.
So here we are, Mace's Thoughts.
Mace might be a guy named after a weapon or a girl whose full name is Macy, I don't know at this point.
Oh also Mace fancies himself (herself, whatever) a writer, as do all people on Livejournal. Writers, actors, directors, artists.

I started my story (or stories rather... or novels...whatever) a long time ago. First as shortstories, basically taking my first limps (I dare not call it steps) as a writer.

So whatever I don't really care how you decided you wanted to move from Harry Potter fanfiction to Bleach fanfiction.

At the end of my stint in that fantasy club, after much soulsearching, and realizing that German wasn't (ironically enough) my language when it came to writing (after all most of the books I was reading/am still reading are in English).

k

I never learned to learn, ironically enough.

That sure is ironic. At this juncture I'd like to make my typical statement that things that are interesting (to you, naturally, because it's stupid and boring to me) aren't automatically ironic. Irony has a fairly strict definition that you can't just apply to fill that void of "don't know what to say at this point". This shit doesn't even need qualification, actually. Surprisingly I'm not a complete illiterate and can follow your thoughts from one point to another.
Also "learning to learn" creates an impossible cycle of events. If you have to learn to learn, you could never learn to learn because you'd require the skill to acquire it.

When I didn't understand something I lost interest... unfortunately my mother (who incidentally is/was an elementary school teacher) told me she never had the force of will to get me to learn this stuff.

Oh, incidentally? Sure it's not ironically?

Last year, I met an old friend of mine whom I finished school with.

With whom I finished school* but whatever.

That's when I began to rewrite the novel again. Not everything, mind you, but those parts that were "wrong". No, I'm not going to detail every bloody thing (OK, I detail lots of bloody things, read gore) but with the alterations so far it feels even more alive. Also, I will restructurte the entire book.

Because details = showing and not telling, am I right?
Let's compare and contrast these:
The man happened into a room. There was a body in it.
The man happened into the room with the corpse. There was blood on the walls and a knife on the table.
Which is better? I'd argue they both suck, but I don't think I could argue the second one is less detailed than the first. Adjectives aren't the magic fix-all of storytelling, chief.

Amazingly enough people don't quit smoking because the price has gone up. The government is counting on that, ironically enough.

That damn government and their humorous ironies!
Now he's arguing the government wants the people to smoke so they can collect tax dollars on the cigarettes which is a brilliant hypothesis ignoring for the moment that I'm sure the hospital bills you assholes rack up with your cancer and shit outweighs the taxes the government collects, and being in Germany you have socialized medicine so the government foots 100% of that bill, so whatever.

Now there's a ton of entries I don't really understand because I'm not a fucking mental patient.
Given that I only gamed for 23 or so years, no, I'm no dinosaur of gaming...neanderthal of gaming maybe.

Nope definitely don't care about this.

yeah, well, I'm having a StarWars moment...trench and all that...

Ah?

Anyway, back to me book...yea there are kinks still....what? You thought I'm perfect?

I sure did, Mace!

or me being kwazy enough to send those 600+ manuscript pages via mail to some publishers...

Oh I'm sure they'll read all 600 pages and get right back to you (brotip: they chucked it without even looking at the title. Try sending a cover letter first).
Now here's a long post dealing with religion and it ends with him mentioning he's listening to "Cradle of Filth". Cool story, bro.

I also like magic-users to be more powerful than fighters.

Why?

Um... I dunno... cuz Merlin could hand Arthur his ass every day of the week?

Considering Excalibur (and the sheathe, more approximately) made him invincible I doubt it.
To make a long and stupid (and hard to follow at times) post shorter: it's called balance, bro. Not everyone is interested in your totally awesome wizard as you are.

and videogames in general bore me after a while (WoW lasted 7 months and that was that!).

>WoW
>video gamesNow there's 100000 entries about Dungeons and Dragons (not reading)
and that's the end of the blog. Well, Mace, thanks for keeping it real.

You suck at spelling holy fuck

I've long since given up on people and spelling. Individual or collective no one can spell worth a goddamn. I'm one of a dying breed. So I've learned to accept this and move on. There's bad spelling, then there's spelling extra with an 's'.
Also douchey user name but frankly if that surprises you at this point you're easy to surprise.

When I was younger, I wanted to be accepted into the spanish riding school in vienna. I wanted it more than anything. for the past 500 yrs they have only accepted male riders and I had this plan where I would dress as a man and somehow get accepted. Its part of the reason i initialy took german in high school, thats one of the requirments.

500 year old riding school that only accepts males, what is this where knights used to send their kids?

I just found out that last yr they final droped thier ban on women and allowed 2 girls into the school. Thats awsome.

Not really. I remember (well not really remember, but whatever) the last woman who tried to pull off the knight routine.
Didn't end well for her.
Showed those Britishfags what for, though.

Research and science is a deep part of me, but equaly as deep is my yearn for horses. I may never make it to the olympic, but I don't need that.

Research and science but apparently not grammar, spelling or diction, good Christ.

Yeah, the once in a rare event that a hurrican *actualy* goes this far north, and I am *actualy* on the right side of the country....I'm ofcource too far inland to exsperience it.

Wow my brain almost had a spelling explosion. I'm going to spot her "hurrican" because she spells it right in the title, but really it's "actually", lady phonics.

Darn, I was wanting my exstreme weather.

Every x is immediately followed by an s. This happens nowhere at all in the English language so I'm not really sure where she got this.
Actually I do know. This is probably the result of a popular practice in the early 90s to "spell it like it sounds" because as we all know it's much, much easier to correct bad habits than to just learn right in the first place.
Further proof the educational standards in America are as disconnected from reality as everyone accuses them of being.

We had some sever tornado warnings the other day. the same day, ironicaly, my friend and I decided to go out to dinner.

Not fucking ironic but whatever.

as were leaving, I look out my window and notice that there is a very very smal patch of clear sky, slowly being swalloed up by the ominous clouds. By the time I set my foot out the door the sky is almost black and very very engry.

so what do i do?
"ye ha! lets go for it."
Half way there it is pouring. like uber pouring, and my roomate is not amused. We have 1 umbrella between us that isn't doing a bloody thing.
To make matters worse...there is crazy thinder and lightning very very cose. I don't like that.

I have a blanket reaction for everything: the stupidity of the actions taken, the spelling, everything:
So here's an Rorschach ink blot test and it asks what I think it is. She said the Green Goblin from Spider-Man and I said a Skaven from Warhammer, which I don't think proves anything other than we're both huge nerds.

As far as my project is concerned, I did an exstensive literature review and designed a pretty awsome exsperiment from that from the ground up...

Hope whatever you type that shit on has a brutal spell checker.
Also there's something terrifying about you working for the CDC. I know your ability to spell "experiment" has nothing to do (really) with how well you perform that action, but I don't know I'd feel more comfortable if you were capable of spelling what you did for a living. It shows a certain command of basic skills that I think are important if you're going to combat contagions. I don't know, tell me if that sounds completely off basis.

Grah, writing a personal statment seems to be an exsersize in emotional exstremes.

I never notice how prevalent the letter x is until this blog.

I was also looking at my grades and well, I have a 3.3 right now. I've brought it up a good amount. And Assuming I pull another 4.0 I can get it up to 3.4 by the time I graduate. Thats fully respiectible.

APPARENTLY NONE OF YOUR CLASSES ARE ENGLISH BECAUSE EVEN IN THE DIMINISHED STANDARDS OF 2009 YOU WOULD HAVE FAILED.
I *really* want a prius and it looks as if I can offord the early modles.
At first I thought the particularly atrocious spelling was funny but now I'm starting to get a headache.
What? Hi! Sorry I just wandered away for three and a half flow-breaking hours.
Uhhh... Entry over, I guess.

BY THE EMPEROR!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

Well... balls.

Step one of that grand plan didn't quite go according to plan - namely in that I didn't get the job >_>

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

So~ am trying other places now, as before. Am tempted to just say 'sod it' and go to YCon funded on my uni grants, but that assumes I'm going to uni...

Wasting tax payer dollars to go to a yaoi convention.
Also "sod it" but whatever, Ork.

Flist!

Got a wig; it needs styling. First, though, I need to get the hairspray etc that's already in it out of it. So what's the best way to clean wigs - just cold water, just warm water, either with a cleaning agent of some sort...?

Oh hey I hear there's this website where you can search for things. I think it's called "goggle" or something.
Also I hate the term "flist" it sounds like one of those fake curse words I might hear in an Elder Scrolls game or something. S'WAH!

On an unrelated note, I fsking hate grass clippings >.< *scratches like crazy at itchy arms*

fsking, sod off, flist? I think I might actually be dealing with an Ork. Only one way to deal with them, don't you know: fire.

With bursary and government grant payments (grants, not loans - no paying those back!), I'll be getting £4k a year (ish) just for attending uni.

Which you later contemplate spending on an anime convention. I hope someone finds out and you go to jail for fraud or some shit.

I'm actually kind of amazed, though not entirely surprised. Even by carrot standards, it came out incredibly phallic...

Shota-cawk? :3

:|

(Herf derf :B)

You fucking-- wait what the shit is that on the side of the screen? Some sort of animu boy in his boxer briefs with a bulge-- whatever. Back on point.
Now here's a lot of pictures I'm definitely not clicking on.

Best way I can describe myself right now? Not got a headache, don't feel up-chucky or anything, and my brain and body are totally alert. It just feels like my brain is currently sitting 4ft away from me. This must be how it feels to star in a Shintaro Kago manga...

A what?

[/pointless entry is pointless?]

:|
Now here's some form she filled out like I give a shit. I have to fill out enough of my own forms, lady, I don't need to look over yours.
Wow you have awful handwriting.

Those jobs I applied for yesterday?

Phone call just now.

Interview in two hours.

HGUHRGMREHGMCKTJRHGVMRTSDNGSRL!!!

:|

No, no details. Because cryptic emo-wank posts are what LJ's really about, right?

:|
Actually "cryptic emo wank" pretty much describes Livejournal, thanks.

...that said, Australia are looking like they're in trouble in the Ashes match...

Words. Also "Australia is" because it's one thing but whatever.

1) edsfgsraedqdsa GUH! *headdesk*

Old-school flisties, I need your help! ;_;

>flisties
I wish I had saved my reaction face for this. Oh, well he is looking down so I guess it's still appropriate.

Today, my free upgrade came through. I now have a 10mb connection, running 9.91mb in real-time. And did I mention it was a Free Upgrade?

What. Free upgrade, it actually runs close to the speed advertised? Sure you're not doing something wrong or is England a magic land where the internet isn't absolute fucking horseshit?
Given that England is still a place run by a government made of people and has companies that sell services (also run by people) I'm guessing it's far more likely you're just wrong (and also stupid) than this being true.

Alright, mon mews - it is time for the neko to jet off!

:|
This fucking shit. I have to go do something else before I strain a facial muscle with all this :| I'm doing.

CUNTIEST CUNT UPDATE: AUGUST

Yeah you may have thought I forgot, but I certainly fucking didn't. Time to be mean to my favorite cunt in the world: THE MEANEST MOM (ALL CAPS POWERS ACTIVATE).
No specific reason this time, I just wanted to keep her in line. In case she started to think I forgot. Well I haven't.

If I were a Neanderthal, I would be a hunter-gatherer.

Implying if anyone was a Neanderthal they might not be a hunter-gatherer (brotip: they were a hunter-gatherer culture).

I found the shoes in the shoe department of all places...and they were even in a box!!!

Whew slow down, you're getting very technical. Okay, shoes in shoe department-- got it. Proceed.

After purchasing the shoes and taking them home, I realized that there was a good reason why they were so cheap.

"Those shoes are really ugly," my husband observed.

Wait stop. Sorry, can you go over this box business again?
To cut down on some bullshit dialog:

Searching 8,000 hours of security tape to verify a $10 purchase seemed like a reasonable request and a productive use of everyone's time, so I agreed.

:|

"This is going to take at least an hour," the man warned, clearly annoyed.

Ha, ha yeah working does suck when you have to deal with twats like this.

As I made my way to the shelf of unfolded towels, chipped serving platters, and ceramic Easter eggs, I began to have a change of heart. The shoes weren't that ugly. The more I looked at them, in fact, the more I started to actually like them.

Fifteen minutes later, I stopped by the return counter.

"Tell the manager that I've changed my mind," I told the woman. "I've decided to keep the shoes."

I would punch you in the solar plexus for this bullshit.

My husband and I took the kids to Baltimore for the weekend. The Orioles were playing our hometown team, the California Angels, and we thought it would be fun to go to a couple of the games.

Whatever, sports.

Kellen and Cortlen (age 5) were very interested in the activities on the field. Camber (age 6),

Hi just quoting this in case you forgot she was a cunt and named her kids the dumbest fuck names ever.

I already lost my driver's license. I have no earthly clue where it is or when in the past week it escaped me.

I was going to say something about this but I was distracted (then promptly forgot what I had to say) by the link. What the fuck is this? Why are all your posts linked together? Is someone really going to say "HEY WAIT EXPLAIN THIS DRIVER'S LICENSE BUSINESS TO ME!" Well here's an entry I wrote about it, inquisitive reader! Goddamn no one cares about your fucking license, lady.

When I was at the dollar store earlier this week, I spotted several bottles of name brand spray sunscreen. Since this stuff typically runs upwards of $9 per bottle, I swiped the whole lot into my shopping cart.

There's a reason it's at the dollar store.

As I was applying the bargain sunscreen to myself and to my children later that afternoon, I noticed that the substance had a distinct odor which I couldn't quite place...until one of my pool friends sniffed the air around me and asked, "Do you smell ant poison?"

No thought given to the safety of your children? Oh well whatever. Can't say I'm surprised with some of your earlier antics.

Last week, I got my license renewed at the DMV.

Hey guess what? Still don't give a shit. This is like fucking Green Eggs and Ham, Christ. No I do not care five minutes later, no I do not care on a train, plane or on the moon.

A large sign at the doorway instructed me to 1) take a number from a ticket dispenser and then 2) take a seat.

And before you ask someone and end up in an hour run around, yes the rules apply to you.

You will be proud to know that I waited a whole seven minutes before taking yet another number.

Thanks for screwing the process up for other assholes like me who only took one number, asshole.

On Tuesday, I had an interview to be a part-time literature instructor at a local community college. I prepared for the interview by watching The Bachelorette and rolling the lint brush over my only suit.

Oh I get it those things have nothing to do with getting ready for an interview.
Wow.
What the fuck has to be the matter with you where that passes for humor?

It's kind of scary to think who could be teaching you or your college-aged children.

Yeah it could be you. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

In my church, every person has an assignment or calling.

Oh oh I call crusader. I'll take the holy land back from those heretics.

A few weeks ago, I was 'promoted.' Instead of throwing dinner parties for the women's organization every two months, I now get to host activities for the tweens in my congregation every two weeks.

This is why I can never go to church. Too much bullshit and not enough armor.

More than a costume that resembles a green bean, I want something that makes my position of authority transparent to the world, or at least to a bunch of fourth and fifth graders...and their parents.

Again my wisdom knows no bounds. If you showed up in full plate there would be no question who's in charge.
Here's an entry entitled "Further Proof That my Ph. D. in Medieval Literature Did Not Prepare Me For the Real World" like there's any shock there.

Now there's a picture of a book written in medieval Latin. Big fucking deal.At this very moment, a steeply discounted blouse in a color that does not flatter my skin tone waits patiently for me in my e-shopping bag, unable to make the leap into a UPS box until I can decipher the company's security Sanskrit.

Of course one might argue that just because you can read Medieval Latin does not qualify you for anything but doing just that but whatever I am dealing with a self-entitled cunt here.

Like our outward bound flight, our flight home was jam packed. My family's popularity was confirmed when the very last passenger to board the plane was directed to our aisle. The lucky ducky this time around was a nineteen-year-old math prodigy named Jeff.

Nerd.

Through an extensive pre-flight debriefing, I learned that Jeff is from Philadelphia, took Calculus in the eighth grade, just finished his freshman year at M.I.T., and had spent the previous week at a math conference in Park City.

Yeah and I have my own blog.

As I learned during the second hour of the flight, Jeff also likes Japanese cartoons. I smiled when Jeff began watching an anime cartoon on his computer.

>anime cartoon
Redundancy but whatever.

I stopped smiling a few minutes later, however, when two of the cartoon characters started taking off their clothes.

Yeah they are prone to do that. Cultural values, etc.

My husband ignored the pilot's insistence to remain seated and swapped seats with our daughter while I stared at Jeff from an uncomfortably close distance until he closed his laptop lid.

I'm sure she expects me to take sides in this but I hate all parties involved.

We had just read a book about warty trolls, and when the spots appeared, everyone began to eye Kellen suspiciously.

"One of us is turning into a troll," Cortlen announced authoritatively. "And it's not me."

Being an internet troll I happen to be an expert on trolls.

"It's in your genes, what can I say?" I told him. Although I lack fleshy growths, I do have several other defining characteristics of the mythical beast including a surly temperament, mood swings, and a large nose.

Also regenerative powers and weakness to fire.

Have you ever stayed at someone's house who abides by a completely different moral code than you?

No.
Also before you get butthurt: not everyone is obligated to think like you.
All right so I think this entry is done. I HOPE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON, CUNT.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAH NOBODY FUCKS WITH THE WHIZ.

So many choices

Wow usually I have to take what I can get in terms of douchey blogs, but not today! There must have been a sale at the Summer's Eve factory, because douches are half off and therefore flooding the market! (this made more sense in my head than when I typed it)
So without a single thought to my own safety, I picked what I feel to be the worst of the worst.

So heres the thing, why does everyone here bring their significant others to school with them.

Never met anyone who has done this but all right.

All the hot guys, well ok, just Brian and Jeremy, but Brian is way hotter than Jeremy, anyways, they both have girlfriends here and I don't like it.

Let's edit for thought, clarity, grammar and content:
All the hot guys, well ok, just Brian and Jeremy, but Brian is way hotter than Jeremy, anyways, they both have girlfriends here and I don't like it.
There you go.

Brian is really nice and just a cool dude. No I do not have an affinity towards Brians, I just think that the people with that name are amazing.

Hey there you go, regular commenter on this blog & all around bro Brian.

So Saturday, I moved in. I was sad. I missed my daddy. I almost killed myself.

I wonder if she's being serious? I know drama queens who would be. I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF TODAY SUPER SERIAL GUYS.
No you fucking didn't shut up.

Yesterday was a lot better. Ryanne came to visit us, and we met people on our floor.

Ryanne. Ryan? Ree-ann? Ri-ahn-ay?

I dunno how I feel about them. I just feel like people are so desperate for friends, I am, that they will gravitate towards anyone that will hang out with them.

k

Oh and the boys across the hall are really hot, I think they both have girlfriends too, WTF!

I thought you said only Brian and... Jeremy (had to go back and look) were hot. Now two other guys are hot? YOU'RE A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT, JESSI11.

Anyways... So there are some people that are really cool, like Brian, and Willy, and Jeremy, and Bree, and Paul is kinda pretty cool too.

ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS GUYS
ANYWAYS

Cuz I am attached to my phone and don't know how to live without it.

Oh fuck you. There's always that girl who has her cellphone go off every fucking class and she has to rush out to take it. I always want to put a fucking pencil in her eye. Annoying cunt.

Oh man, ok I really haven't seen that many hot boys here. They're all kinda skinny and geaky.

So there are 2 hot guys, wait no there are 4, no wait not that many. I'd say make up your mind but I really, really don't give a fuck. I should probably be apologizing to anyone I have ever said that to, because compared to how much I don't give a fuck right now, I cared deeply.

Why do I think that. Why am I so judgemental.

Because you're a dumb whore who only cares about one thing: girth. Girth to fill her cavernous twat (and lack of a soul).

I like these people I really do, I just don't really find many of them physicially attractive.

Well good thing "physicial" beauty isn't a requirement for forming a friendship with someone OH WAIT YES IT IS YOU HAVE NO PERSONALITY.

Eventhough I have a full ride, I can't spell worth shit.

:|

i feel like everyones off doing fun things without me, i want to party with people and get hella drunk and make out with boys.

Woe is you.

but it will be good, im gonna be fucking hot and itll be great, but probably not, ill probably look just the same and will have put myself through torture for nothing, welcome to my life.

Whoa, what? Sorry I was counting the bumps on my ceiling. Sure is a lot of texture up there!

Im like super lonely, but i feel like i see people a lot. i dunno, i need a freaking vacation. this weekend kinda sucked, but it shouldnt have, i mean, its not like i did anything, but its not like i didnt do anything, tor came over on saturday night and we hung out, but still i dunno. working constantly is getting to me, yeah im making money and all that jazz, but its draining. and then add on the 4am wakeup twice a week and its just lovely.

Wow my desk is really reflective. I guess glass has that property but I'm just now noticing it.
Ha, ha now here's a post entitled "weekend full of whoa". I seriously doubt she's clever enough to pull a pun like that so it's probably just a casual malapropism (feels good being that much of a grammar nerd, in fact).

So this weekend was absolutely amazing. Probably the best weekend of my life, it probably wasn't but it was my most recent good one,

I know this is hard to believe but I'm actually familiar with hyperbole and understand that when you say "most amazing weekend ever" you're probably not being literal. Actually just kidding you probably do that to reaffirm to yourself that it wasn't, in fact, the best weekend ever because you are, after all, an idiot and anything non-literal is above you.

Ok... So since i work for the lovely goverment it was my holiday on friday so i got the day off which was lovely.

I-- what? Oh I see. Wow, I had to read that a few times.

So to start our date we decided to go eat somewhere yummy. the choices came down to olive garden and applebees.

>yummy
>Olive Garden and Applebee's
Oh hi Jessi11 confirmed for fatty.

we went back to her place and attempted to decide where we were going to drink our vanilla vodka

Attempted to decide? What, you failed at having a thought? Actually no, that's probably exactly what happened. My mistake.

So amber sat outside in little lawn chairs, drinking our drinks and smoking cigarettes, cuz thats how we do, we felt pretty snazzy im not gonna lie.

Yeah real chic.

Needless to say... ryan and i found these magic trick box in his room and we tried to figure it out, eventually we just gave up and made our own magic. whoaa.

Gross.
Now what follows goes something like this: "amazing amazing amazing amazing drinking amazing pot amazing amazing I'm a vapid whore."
Jesus Christ this entry goes on forever. How can you say so much about so fucking little?

I can't believe I'm helping Jenni get laid by Levi, do you see something very very wrong with this, because I do.

Surpris-- wait, aren't you Jenni? Oh no, you're Jessi. Well fantastic. To keep this straight in my head you're Vapid Whore Alpha (VWA) and your friend is Vapid Whore Beta (VWB).
Well, VWA, surprisingly not everyone knows VWB and some yo-yo named Levi.
Wow this blog has a very confusing chronology. So confusing, in fact, I'm going to end this post here.
Smell ya later, losers.

Let's post about anime!

Just got level 30 warrior in FFXI today, which means some mad attack bonus, new armor and additionally dodge and some other shit by virtue of monk subjob, so today is pretty fucking awesome. Way better, in fact, than anything else anyone can come up with, which in this case involves anime and dolls and possibly the Japanese language (日本語) (translator's note: 日本語 means Japanese language).
So here we have Spiderling or something, click or don't.

Congratulate me! I am now one 250 Gig external hard drive ridher and about $70 poorer.

Just found a 1 TB external for 90 bucks, you got ripped off. I didn't even look for a deal, either, I just went to Newegg > external hard drive. Also before anyone comes up with a flimsy excuse of "maybe she doesn't have 90 dollars, maybe she only has 70" I found a 250 GB one for 50 bucks, so whatever white people.
Also I'd wager an internal hard drive would serve her equally well in her situation but she is no good at computer to know how to install that (it is a little tricky I'll give it to her, I needed help my first time installing one).

I have decided to take backing up a littl emore seriously!

Oh God, what?

I tried to save my Art Docs file from my art computer on a 4 gig flash drive but no go! I needs more storage than that. Lots more apparently. If the 250 gig doesn't hack it I shall cry! But it ought too! I mean jeez!

What the fuck do you mean "ought to"? It's not a sentient being. It's not like if it tries harder it'll store more. Either 250 GB is enough or it isn't.
Also what the dick art documents are you saving that are more than 4GB? They're pictures, for Christ's sake. Even in the off chance you're saving a ton of PDFs I know for a fact a 250 page book in PDF format is like 80 MB, so you've fucked up somewhere. Unless you're like my FFXI Linkshell and enjoy saving pictures at obscenely (25000x30000) high resolutions.

Well, been a awhile since I talked dolls huh? I can hardly beleive it!

While I'm sure my mom would enjoy this talk I don't actually have a vagina (although I've eluded to things earlier, like watching American Idol, that might suggest otherwise) so I think I'll pass.

Why do authors give a character a name and then AUTOMATICALLY call them by a nickname??

Perhaps because real people often have nicknames and authors try to make their characters as realistic as they can so as to create a more interesting story? You know, people tend to be more interested in situations they can relate to.

Just name them the fucking nickname or use their full name!

All right I'm going to explain this slow using real world examples so you can understand how nicknames work. I'm sure I've said my name here before. It's Tim. Well that's not actually my name, see, it's actually Timothy, but people refer to me (and indeed I respond to) Tim.
My parents could have named me just Tim, I'm sure, but they didn't, because as is often the case people pick names with history attached to them.

I can't think of a single character of mine that had a snappy (in the author's mind) creative (also ONLY IN THE AUTHORS HEAD) nickname. Priscilla was NEVER called Priss.

Of course you could pick better names than Priscilla but fine whatever. This is such a non-issue I can't even believe she's still talking about it (or me, for that matter).

But seriously! I 'm so sick of it. Why even give your character what is to your mind, a creative name and then give them a stoopid nickname, thereby completely subverting the original "creative" (sarcastic air quotes) name??? Do you think you're being clever? Is there an actual physical 'teehee' moment where you are amazed by your own cleverness?

Son of a fuck, what? Maybe it's just because I never read any book written after 1800 but I never encounter this problem.

But so far I have maybe- cute mythological girls??? Like a kawaii Medusa which I have a total obssession with.

>kawaii Medusa
>kawaii
>Medsua
>kawaii Medusa
(translator's note: kawaii means cute)
I can't believe what I just fucking read. Cute Medusa. She has snake hair, woman.
Also she gets decapitated by Pereus (fuck year Perseus). OH BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT KAWAII ENOUGH (or at all, for that matter).

Oh! Amusing con faux pas-

Here's your convention faux pas: going to one.

SO- ideas? Anyone? Dover seems to have covered everything at least twice, but so far NONE of their artists are like me so I think I may have a chance at this.

NO GO AWAY.

Today I went swimming then did almost 2 miles on the treadmill. That isn't really as impressive as it sounds.

It doesn't sound impressive, either. Two miles, whoop-de-shit.

I walked for only 40 min. including cool down.

Walked for forty minutes as a function of running 2 miles? Or is this in addition to? If it's part of, then you are seriously fucking slow. That's at least 20 minutes a mile.

Swag- I got some free books. But I have to say I think the publishers were a little stingy. On Sunday they were handing books out only to kids! WTF? Oh well.

They let children go to conventions (also known as NAMBLA meetings)? Now nothing can go wrong!

The Family Guy panel was cool and they showed a long clip from their Empire Strikes Back parody episode. SOOOOO FUNNY! OMG!

Family Guy and funny in the same sentence.
No.

So my fashion question is: Is wearing a dress over pants still verboten or is it okay??

I always thought girls looked stupid wearing that combo so I'm going to say yes. Yes it is.

I just happened across a post which mention how obnoxious all the Airbender fans were being about the movies cast so I looked up the cast list. Not thrilling really so I see their point but everyone is condemning the movie before they've seen it. It could be good.

Reason is the bane of conviction, as they say.

I hate new words replacing already servicable words that have been in place fore AGES, except everyone acts like the new word somehow describes A NEW IDEA, when infact it's an old idea which already HAS a word to describe it. Case in point TROPE.

>Trope
>from Ancient Greek "tropos"
>new word
:3

Someone who I think very obviously wants to show off how bloody smart they think they because THEY read the dictionary.

Someone's jealous. Also it's an old word. Very old. ALSO THE DICTIONARY ENTRY YOU ARE NOW QUOTING FROM HAS IT AS ENTERING THE ENGLISH LEXICON IN 1533. YOU HAVE DEFEATED YOUR POINT IN YOUR OWN POST YOU TWIT.

I am a pretty smart person of decent education and I have never heard the word 'trope' until LAST WEEK when I saw it twice.

Oh well if you haven't heard the word it must be stupid. I bet you don't know any other language besides English (and pretend Japanese) so I guess that makes all languages not Japanese and English stupid, huh?

And as described- tropes are CONVENTIONS.

Actually if you had bothered to read any part of the dictionary entry YOU LINKED you'd know a trope is a cliche (or alternatively a verse added as an embellishment to the sung part of Mass during the Dark Ages, which is how I learned this word originally).
Now she posts pictures of her "book haul" which is probably why she's a pleb because this is a lot of garbage. Trash serials, I see some animu books that aren't Fist of the North Star, very disappointing.
Now she's posting some dolls which if she painted the faces for I'm mildly impressed. So she must not have, do ho.

Guess who got their rockin' pronstar body today??? EISHETH that's who!!!

Eisheth. Eist-- no, how do you pronounce that? I'm not often confounded by pronounciation (as the only person I know of who knows how to pronounce Einherjar correctly [it's not ein-her-jar]) but this has me for a loop. Eis-heth? Is the h silent? Ei-sheh-th? What in the fuck?

Lately I've been reading a lot. I read Persuassion and Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austin,

Persuasion*, Christ. Learn the title of what you're reading. It's by Jane Austen (e not an i like the city).
That's okay because halfway through the post "Persusassion" becomes "Pursiassion" so I'm sorry about jumping your shit about "Persuassion" when it gets a lot worse down the line.

Brett and I may start a webcomic!! YAYS! Although neither of us can code html so I've been eyeballing Drunk Duck as a place to host it.

Starting a website without knowing the foundations of website programming. No, no problems here. She then later reports she won't be learning HTML and since I never heard from this webcomic after this point in time I'm guessing it didn't go so well.
Also for your approval I found (and by "found" I mean "saw a link at the top") her Etsy shop. So you may now judge her artwork. I found this one in particular to be horrific. Ignoring for the moment it's furry, that has to be the longest torso and upper arm I've ever seen in my fucking life, goddamn. Well whatever if I keep this shit up I think I'm going to piss myself (literally) so I'm going to go do something that lets me retain bladder control.

Ye Guilty

Oh lucky for me Blogger got its fucking act together because if it hadn't I couldn't update, and subsequently I would have missed this piece of work.
Where to begin? If I were teaching a class on blogging and someone asked me to point out what not to do I could just circle this entire blog with my laser pointer and say "pretty much this." I mean good grief I had to get my douche shivers in check because it was starting to look like I was having a seizure.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah school is coming soon. It's something to do but *cries at the thought of the book cost*

So immediately I'm having this problem with font colors and this goddamn blog, so this is already turning into a fucking project THANKS A LOT.

So *squeeee*

:|

On a serious note... I don't think I can forgive my cousins, his daughters.

On a note more serious than brain injuries. All right.

Jessica is turning 21~ So now I just need Amanda to get her butt legal and me and my bffs will drive to Vegas for girl fun *wiggles*. And ya know >.> if Ka-chan get's herself all healified.

Heh, words do indeed work that way.

I lost weeeight~ About ten pounds actually. Don't ask me HOW cause I seriously don't know.

But I have~

Please be AIDS.

And I know I'm a permanent full-time sub which is great cause they call you like every day.

permanent substitute wha-- oh I get it, like a teacher.
No I see no problem with a woman who "squees" and seriously says "healified" teaching the young.

Anyways. The Think Together job is over, ended yesterday after the trip to the aquarium with the students.

ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS GUYS
ANYWAYS

Ugh, not too happy with my classes though.

This is my schedule:

The Bible as Literature
Mondays and Wednesdays
9:30 to 10:45

>The Bible
>Literature
:3

Why is it that during my orientation for my new job everyone and their grandmother suddenly calls me yet before that their completely silent?

>their

Her job GAVE her Photoshop CS 4. I'm soooooo jealous. It's like... like sex on her computer it was so pretty. Lol.

Yeah Photoshop is almost impossible to get for free.

And late fact is late BUT OMG STAR TREK IS TEH AMAZING.

>teh Amazing
>teh
Also opinions are facts on the internet.

For all my dislike of Thomas Jefferson he had the amazing idea of making college free.

How can you dislike Thomas Jefferson? I mean he had some pretty questionable personal life stuff but that's personal.
He was a pretty fucking awesome president, in conclusion. Way better than that asshole Obama. Yeah, I hated him before it was cool to do so. Go screw.

I ALMOST got straight A's this semester.

Yeah well I did. Further proof that I'm better than the internet.
Here's that fucking what Tarot card am I test again. I wish people would stop linking this shit like it makes any goddamn sense at all. Also name one person that isn't The High Priestess or The Hermit.
Hasn't happened yet because ALL BLOGGERS ARE THE SAME FUCKING ASSHOLE :C

So my mother thinks that I have may have mercury poisoning. I'm not sure if I agree, I don't know what the signs/symptoms are.

Uhhh...

I'm reading about 100-200 pages a week if I combine all the readings I need to do for my classes, sounds about right.

>100-200 a week
>a week
WOW BITCHING ABOUT A SMALL AMOUNT OF READING IN THIS BLOG.

And I dropped fencing. But not for the reasons you think. Instead I'm taking Acting!

Ares mourns, Thalia rejoices!

Is anyone else reading the AMAZING series called 07-Ghost? Dude go read it!

No.

Because my parents and I just found out that the exterminator service we have come into our house may be stealing my parents PILLS.

Oh how I have waited to use this picture:

Oh and no just some ibuprofen light-weight stuff. OOOHH no, no stole my parent's bottle of vikoden. My parents NEED those pills to function without pain! Hell, to function AT ALL.

They NEED it? Sounds like your parents are pillheads. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS HERE.

Now, for those of you going "But Jax, where's your proof and why did you only just notice now?"

You don't need proof for conjecture, duh. Also likely one parent is hooked, took a ton and then blamed the exterminators.

Well allow me to explain my dear.

Naw dawg, that ain't me.

I had to DONATE four of them back to the school cause it was either get no money and keep the books or donate the books and STILL have no money. And guess what, I need room on my bookshelves, cause I'm a literature major and one class can require 10 books all by itself.

In situations like this I just take them and throw them out. Yeah, I'm a petty douche.

And now, I most go stir the chicken liver, turn the heat on the sweet potatoes down, and peel the eggs.

PEELS. Oh wait, verb.

Jax is pissed. She is referring to herself in third person. And Jax is pissed.

Jax is also a dipshit.

I will post this up with a list of my muses,

Here are your muses:
Also Apollo for some reason.

My FRENCH book, by itself was two. hundred. eight. dollars

Oh shit just had one of those huge yawns that kind of made me dizzy for a minute.
And so ends another entry by myself. Good work, me.

Touch your vagina

If the Roman Empire was still about I think they would have put this woman (?) to death, perhaps not only for being a Christfag (of which she is abundantly guilty) but also hopefully for a far worse crime: for being an insufferable twat.
Her first post is really long about some guy who is trolling the Catholic church hardcore irl and she's butthurt about it (brotip: of the hierarchy of the church doesn't give a fuck you shouldn't either). It goes on and on about the Christian mysteries like anyone gives a fuck.

there's a lot of talk in various news sources about what we should be doing to cut back on environmental harm.

Oh boy I bet this isn't a butthurt rant about how WE WORSHIP THE EARTH AS A GOD (at least it's something we can see, asshole).

recently, it's been snowballing in the direction of addressing human reproduction.

Realistically we don't need nine billion people or however many there are, but people are going to reproduce like fucking cockroaches anyway so whatever. Enjoy your Soylent Green future.

this really isn't the best approach to take, especially in this early stage of radical but obviously necessary solutions to the scandalous damage we do to sweet mother Gaia.

Personally I'm still waiting for Gaia to send her monsterous children after fuckers like you a-la Greek mythology (where we get the word and concept of Gaia from in the first place) but unfortunately they aren't real. You know, like the Christian God? (burn)

then we could go for the people in prison for life. what a dumb prison sentence. we'll take care of all your needs for the rest of your life, and you get to die in relative ease and comfort.

>prison
>ease and comfort
what

desperately need help moving the library. if you can pack a box, move a box, or help move a bookshelf, please get in contact with me. I'll make you food. crispy cheesy chicken is on tap.

Help yourself. The Lord helps those who help themselves, as the Bible says (this isn't located anywhere in the Bible) (no one cares)

...I figured I owed y'all a post. : )

:|

my GPA went up - woohoo! no more worries about massively bombing all my classes and getting kicked out of ASU. after three years of shamefully screwing around, my GPA is 2.89, and will only get higher.

Ha, ha oh wow. 2.89 AND GOING UP! WOO SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, A C AVERAGE!
Now she's implying she took Chaucer in Middle English (a class I've been trying to get into and failing to do so because it FILLS INSTANTLY :c) without reading any of it.
I know we go to different schools so my exclusion from this has nothing to do with anything, but seriously go get fucked.
I'm guessing you're one of those "WHAT? THIS ISN'T THE BIBLE!" types. Fuck you.
Now she's implying she's taking all of these classes to not work. Wow are we subscribing to a 1920s idea of college: women go to meet men to get married so they don't have to work.
Well good luck with that and everything.
No I think it's a good thing. Someone should stay home and pay attention to the fucking kids you'll squirt out. It's too bad you're such a cunt in the first place.
Now she's discussing the fine difference between a bodice and a corset (real interesting there, glad to see you're adopting fashion popular in the Victorian era).

so I was waiting at the bus stop when a black guy came up and asked me the time. I pulled out my pocketwatch and told him it was 10:10. he went and checked the bus schedule, then came back over and said thanks, then went on to say that at first he was kinda afraid to ask me "because of this" - and he touched the Confederate battle flag keychain on my backpack.

Before you get butthurt over this I'd like you to do something you've probably never done before and imagine yourself in the place of this guy. Yeah, you'd be nervous around some hick with a Confederate device too.

because yeah, I know that to most people, that flag represents racism of the worst kind. my family (on my mom's side) has been Catholic since we crawled out of the mud and saw God, and my aunt (who's big into genealogy) has dug up documents of theirs.

Connected thoughts, or insane rambling?

the flag represents to me so many more things.

Oh boy, now I get to watch you navigate the complex social and moral issues of the American Civil War. This should be enjoyable.
Skipping thoughts she no doubt borrowed from someone else:

the American Founding Fathers are heroes because they won. the Confederate Founding Fathers are traitors because they lost.

That's right and don't forget it. Scum.
Holy fuck this goes on forever about nothing.

so I had my ENG 222 midterm today. it's a big scary test since it's a survey lit class which means we read a list of works about as long as your arm and then get tested on all of it.

Not if you studied, dipshit.

one of the girls saved my bacon by telling me the entire plot and symbolism of one of the stories I hadn't read and missed the lecture for, and which I then totally rocked on the midterm.

Study groups are for the weak. Real men do this shit with nothing but their balls and grim determination.
The harder something is to gain, the more appreciation you will have for it~

so I read the three prompts very carefully. couldn't do the first one - didn't know enough about a Byronic hero

Dope. The Byronic hero, so named after Lord Byron, author of such epics as Don Juan (epic poetry being something I'm sure you're unfamiliar with, being a bore and all) are all marked by their magnetic personalities, self-destructive behavior, deep intellect and cynicism. They closely mirror the tragic hero in a sense, I guess.
This type of character has had profound influence on modern writing, perhaps the most famous example being Batman.
OH WAIT YOU WOULD HAVE TO HAVE READ SOMETHING TO KNOW THIS SORRY I FORGOT.

first I panicked cos I didn't think I could remember the names of three Romantic writers. yeah, pretty sad, I know, but I had a hard time recalling which ones were Romantic and which ones were Victorian.

:|
Mary Shelley, Alexander Dumas and John Keats. That's a fair representation of Romantic literature, I think. Compare Frankenstein, The Count of Monte Cristo and Lamia GO GO GO GO. Oh that's right you would have to have read these three. Uhh... I guess this is why you prepare before a test and not during.

I also have another test today, in Greek and Roman Religion.

You stupid cunt you better redeem yourself on this shit.
Since it's never mentioned again I'm guessing she didn't do so well.
Now she seems to be taking the reactionary stance that the Catholic church should have its masses in Latin again, which is funny because for someone who can't even be assed to remember three Romantic authors I can't believe she knows Latin. I know the two have nothing to do with each other but whatever.

- Skinny dipped?: not yet *sly glance*

Man emotes give me douche shivers. Also gross, fat girl skinny dipping.
Well whatever white people I'm tired of writing this shit and reading her stupid thoughts on stupid shit, so piss off.

u mad

Wow you people are extra boring today. This is probably why I never leave my house. Also, you know, dragons to slay on the internet and such like.
Anyway today we have According to Desiree... she's pretty bland and devoid of character. Her life reads like a Lifetime movie character's life.
doctors appointment today.
still on prozac. the doctor recommended some councilors/therapists. mom doesn't think she can afford one. we don't have health insurance.
So already this is registering high on the "who gives a shit" meter. In fact, I'm already looking at my DS sitting in front of me. Yeah, I do wonder what's going on in the fascinating world of Pokemons.

i got asked out on a date.
like. a date date datey date.

So many directions I could take this, but I think I'll go the self deprecating one this time: something I'll never know, having admitted to playing Pokemon do, ho, ho.

not "let's hang out sometime"
but "are you free saturday? i wanted to take you to dinner."

I've seen pictures of Desiree, I think you made a critical flaw your wallet is going to be regretting.

by jesse. i don't even know his last name. i don't know anything about him.
we've been playing phone tag.

Ah yes I forgot to address the million sentence fragments that are her blog. You know there's a punctuation mark between a full stop and a comma, right? It's called a semicolon. Actually just kidding based on what I've seen so far the only punctuation marks you're aware of are the ellipsis and the period.

i miss youth group.
i miss everyone there & most importantly, i miss feeling close to god.
i'm not joking. i miss reading my bible. i always forget to pray before i go to sleep.

Personally I suggest finding better things to read but all right if that's your bag you could read the Bible on your own. You know, use that critical thinking English teachers (in theory, anyway, if they're doing what they're supposed to be doing) tried to pound into your head for your entire childhood?

my life is weird & i don't know why i feel like crying right now.
the tears are swelling in my eyes & my body is getting goose bumps all over
and my ears are tingling & my heart feels like breaking.
what am i doing?

I'm listening to I Ran by Flock of Seagulls. Feels good, man.

i HATE it when you get like this.
you didn't even let me explain myself.
you just signed off.

Ha, ha treating the internet like real life. You girls need to stop treating the internet like an overly complex networking site and treat it for what it really is: a sewer.

i was talking to other people via facebook im & my computer is really old, it freezes up.

So take better fucking care of it. I got a computer for 20 bucks (monitor included) from a flea market that still has Windows 95 on it (and is from 1994) that I'm sure has been dropped before and after much dicking around with it it works perfectly. I use it to play DOS games. Fuck year, DOS games. DOSbox? Get that shit out of here.

he was venting to me & all i said in response was "i'm sorry." as in... i'm sorry you feel that way. what else was i supposed to say?

How about "stop talking to me" or "I gotta go do something interesting now and you're definitely not invited" or "get some nice Summer's Eve because you're clearly a cunt" I don't fucking know. They're your friends. My friends don't bitch like faggots every time something bad happens to them.

gosh, how could you say i do a horrible job of being there for you?
every time you like a guy i have some interest in, i let you go for him.
i drove you to the airport & to your school today.

Jesus, God do you make everything complicated. Look, you two are bros. Bros drive each other to airports. You shouldn't tally this shit together like it's some kind of give and take, because if it's a friendship it shouldn't fucking matter.

she is a riot. she has the worst mouth ever & this thick brooklyn accent.

Ha, ha you are a card.

this past week has been cah-razy. shaun & joan are here. you know, my older brother who lives in china & his new chinese wife who i have never met before now.

Huh looks like the interesting family member left for the other side of the world.
Well good for him.

she likes to talk to me about makeup & hair stuff & shopping. she's really ridiculously tiny, like most asian girls. makes me feel like a huge elephant around her, but that's okay.

Huh yeah I'm sure you just look like an elephant next to her. Not, you know, most people not 150 pounds.
ICED.

this is her first time being in america. we're going to hilton head tomorrow. =) maybe we can go to harold's diner!

Yes you truly haven't been to America without stopping by HAROLD'S DINER!

anna leaves on wednesday, too. back to texas.

Back to Texas, implying they let you leave there once you're there. TRULY THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD.

our jonas concert is soon. =) we're staying at the ritz in atlanta, where the boys will be staying, too. i cannot wait.

>staying at the Ritz
>at the Ritz
>RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITZ
Ha, ha wow this post does drag on.

i have important stuff to do, i need money to do it.
so i work, but since i work so much, there is no time to do the important stuff.

Life is hell.
But seriously, you know, you could try to be less of a materialistic whore JUST KIDDING THAT'S NEVER HAPPENING.

mel, anna, derek, & van were in an car accident. they were coming back from savannah & it was raining really hard, with extremely strong winds. they hydroplaned & hit the car in front of them & landed in a ditch.

Further proof New Yorkers suck at driving and shouldn't be allowed to buy cars.

i am scared to bring back these overdue books to the library.

So keep them home and incur an even larger fine. Smart.

i always feel selfish when i'm writing in this blog. i feel like i use to the word "i" way too much. or "me", "my", "mine"...

I wonder what my most commonly used word is. I'm sure there's a website. Not counting conjunctions and articles, of course. No common words.
Now there's a post about her best friend's mom dying and somehow she makes it all about herself. Impressive.

i have been miserable since saturday & i've been totally "eating my feelings".
meaning i've been stuffing my face with food.

:3
Wow, Desiree, you sure are boring. I think I'm going to go do something less boring, which is to say could literally be anything. Enjoy your weekend, AIDS patients.

Hey ponder this, Socrates:

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO BORING?
Goddamn I wanted a blog to review, not the world's first no-drug insomnia cure.
I hate junior philosophers, mostly because they think they have something significant to contribute to society, as if anyone actually gave a shit about philosophy. In terms of philosophical movements all are about equal to each other, so just pick the one with the coolest name and say you're that. Alternatively, you could pick Zen which is basically the ultimate troller's philosophy.

So, as I mentioned a very long time ago, I've been forum going again, and (for reasons unknown) waded into a debate about how scientific method applies to religion.

Science does not apply to religion. This is like saying Math applies to English. Perhaps tangentially (mathematical proofs can bet written in English, for instance) these are separate disciplines.

So really, this is another debate about Hume's criticisms of inductive logic?

Oh boy David Hume. Snore.

Firstly, that science is effectively conditional.

I had another sentence typed that actually trounced this logic but then I'd look like as much of a bore as this bore, so instead I'll just go with the tried and true: firstly, "your" dumb

By it's very nature, science can't explain the why.

its* also science can and does explain why regularly.

Either our universe was created by the Big Bang, which arose from a singularity, or it was created by some kind of higher power.

Oh my God you suck so much at philosophy. I'm not even trying to be hardcore pro either, you just really suck at deductive reasoning.
Long, rambling post later: he's trying to make an argument out of first cause, essentially that something had to "start" the universe and without knowing the nature of this event all subsequent events are unknown and unknowable, which if you think that you are provably wrong. In fact, science can know relatively little about how the universe was created but still be perfectly comfortable concluding shit about unrelated subjects, such as biology.

So, I quite often come up with little hypotheticals. Small musings on a scenario that offers a little escapism from the restrictions of my current existence.

Oh, gag. That's douche for "I fantasize when I'm bored."

(Most of those restrictions come in the form of "Must not get arrested", but that's neither here nor there)

I hate that phrase. "Neither here nor there" all right, if it isn't here and it isn't there then it has to be somewhere, doesn't it? Fuck you. You suck, kill yourself. Also yeah you're so badass you'll throw down and get arrested. Right. No, I believe it. Go screw.

Everyone who thinks otherwise, and whinges about how much Placebo have changed, should go back and listen to their first, self titled album.

Oh boy a Placebo fan. Now I know to immediately disregard anything you say about anything.

Have you ever taken a personality test like the Myers-Briggs or Enneagram?

No because I'm not a huge bore who worries about what the internet thinks of me.

In ten years time, my ultimate ambition is to be married to Lauren, possibly with kids. She'll be a highly paid doctor, and I'll be free to hang around the house, look after the kids, and potter around and pretend to write my novel.

WRITE MY NOVEL. It'll suck. Also cool dream: I plan to mooch off my wife. I'm sure she'll be appreciative.

I'd make an awesome house husband. And even with the kids, and the whole pretending to write a novel thing, I'd get so damn good at Guitar Hero....

:|

2. What is the best book/book series you've ever read? Why?

In before some shit no one has ever heard of/general shit.

So far, Wars Of Light and Shadow by Janny Wurts. It's written in the most overly descriptive, florid, bizarre style, and it's very cliche in places, but I'm very fond of it, and I've been reading it for years.

Oh great, florid and cliche, my two favorite words to describe my favorite books. You're a douche.
Meanwhile the actual greatest story ever told, The Odyssey, is fucking rad. That's how I'd summarize it in two words or less. It has been a slow decline for literature ever since.

4. If you could be anyone other than you, who would you be?

Wow what a dumb question. I bet he has a lengthy answer for this one, though, as if he actually has thought about it before (people with anything at all to do with their lives haven't).

Well, as most people are aware, I started out in Genetics.

Yes. Most people.

It's my birthday. I'm 21. That's a strange and far off notion.

Oh we're the same age. Where did you go so hideously wrong?

However, I did end up with a hand and a half bastard sword. Which is nice.

I'd say this is scary but I'm sure it's too heavy for your candy ass to swing in any other direction besides vertically and horizontally, making your movement arc pitiful.

I did however also get a pocket watch with "The owls are not what they seem" inscribed on the inside.

Wow that's really cool. You're a really cool bro.

So in other news, I've given serious thought to retitling this collection of expositions "Pseudo-science: Wouldn't it be cool if?".

Translation from Douche to English: "I'm going to rename my blog something even gayer!"
Holy shit now there's a post about semantics that seriously made me forget to breathe. Wow, dude, this is serious.

A cooking show for the non sequitur crowd.

I-- what?

So, next semester's subjects are determined. Judgement and Decision Making, Attitudes and Social Cognitions, Intergroup and Relations and Processes, and Evolutionary Approaches to Psychology.

Judgment is actually spelled without an 'e'. Just putting it out there because I figured my pro at language (using Latin in sentences, what are you, me?) should know something like that.

In my newly found quest for some kind of spiritual erudition

Translation from Douche to English: "I'm trying to be wise."
Let me give you a protip for your stupid book, asshole: it's not what words you use, it's how you use them. No one gives a shit if you know the word erudition (from erudite, from Latin erudire, to instruct, see it's not hard) it's what you do with it.
Goddamn.

That was a close one whew

Guys my computer stopped loading websites for some seemingly arbitrary reason and I'm going to do the lazy/techidiot thing and pretend it was an isolated event. Whew, but I got it back! Thank goodness too, because I wouldn't know what to do without the tri-weekly blog update!
So without a thought to my own safety I dive right into Chivalrous at the core, which is a funny title given the first entry's title: "I hate menstration. Quick, somebody lemme borrow a dick!"
Presumably she means menstruation. Yeah, there's a 'u' in it the same way there's a 'd' in Wednesday or an 'r' in February. Also I learned from FFXI today Bandanna has a double n in it and they are actually correct in spelling it that way. But yeah, real chivalrous. Talking about your bleeding cunt (literally). Of course chivalry is for men doing manly things. You know, like trying to stab each other with huge, straight, thick, hard lances (not phallic, honest).

I feel so drained, I get dizzy whenever I try to walk.

That's what your mom said when I was done-- all right no even I'm above that joke.

What was strange about them was that they lasted all day, I got sweaty and hot all over

:3 natural reaction to seeing me for the first time, I assure you. Baby.

I'm going to see the hormone doctor tomorrow. I think my biggest concern is that he won't have an answer for me.

Oh no I'm having flashbacks to last Friday.

Today, I watched a movie that has been described as "The Citizen Kane of bad movies".

Hmm... I'd think the obvious answer would be Manos, Hands of Fate, but I'm going with Heaven's Gate. Watch the director's cut of that for a true endurance test worthy of a Space Marine (it's almost 5 hours).

Directed, produced and acted by a very creepy, very talentless Tommy Wiseau. The Room breaks pretty much every film rule known to the industry.

I haven't even heard of this, and it's basically my occupation as an internet warrior to see all of this shit.
It's unlikely something so awful passed under my radar (unless it was made recently in which case get bent, all movies made after 2000 are automatically shit) so I would say it's probably one of those movies people watch to fancy themselves hardcore, meanwhile they're missing actual bad movies.

"I'm just saying"

This vague and ultimately purposeless phrase somehow comes out of me with intention of meaning something to the effect of; I want desperately to see eye-to-eye with you and it's likely that I do for the most part.

No shit. Shut up.

It's a lot of underlying meaning for three stupid words.

That's why I lie constantly. No one actually wants to hear the truth, as evidenced by this bullshit psychological study on three words.
"What do you think of this plan?"
"Sounds good to me."
"Really I was thinking it was shit."
"I mean yeah it's bad, whatever."
Just don't contradict their opinion ever and it doesn't really matter you just contradicted yourself in a five second window. As I've stated numerous times here, people don't actually want your opinion, they just want their opinion stated back at them, possibly in the form of a question.
Also never tell any jokes that require more than three steps of logic or require inside knowledge into any area of expertise (I literally mean anything, even mundane shit) because it's too much to ask. Your joke repetoire in common company is literally limited to a step above knock knock jokes.

Moreover, what exactly is the person you've said this to supposed to say back?

Whenever someone says that to me I say "I'm just listening." My goal in life is to make conversations as awkward as possible for the other person for my own amusement.
This is probably why I don't have many friends.

I find a lot of times you wind up getting a somewhat heated, counter-productive "Well, I'm just saying" - which ends up being a point completely and infuriatingly opposite to the one you've just made.

Oh hi lack of tact. Most people see this as you attempting to supersede their opinion with your opinion. The correct course of action is to defuse the situation by saying something like "whatever I'm going to McDonald's."

At this point, the argument becomes circular and it's probably best to relinquish and throw yourself out of a window - because there's no way you're going to be able to settle on anything verbally.

Compromise is akin to treachery, as they say. Just agree and continue doing what you want. Only way to seize victory.

Maybe I should become a mute or something. I think troubles would end with the death of speech patterns, right?

Ah yes, the Holden Caulfield decision.

Today my grandmother told me in detailed, poetic Spanish the representations, religious mythology and other meanings of a recent painting that I have been working on.

Fucking rad

She was unwilling to accept that all of the elements of the painting were added purely for the sake of what I thought looked the best - even though I tried to tell her this several times.

Thanks for ruining my fantasy of having a cool grandparent by being a twat.
No, you didn't put them there just "because they look good". Psychologically they look good for a reason, and that likely stems from the original mythological meaning behind them, all of which would be so ingrained into your cultural identity you aren't even aware you're using it FUCK YOU.

I think a lot of the pretentious bullshit that the art world faces would be gone if people were just more genuine about the art they were observing and/or creating.

That's why you're a shitty artist am I right? Brotip: good artists can put symbolic meaning in a painting without being cunts about it. Incidentally the last good artist died before the Vietnam war.

I think that very slowly, I'm becoming depressed. Everyday, I feel marginally worse then I did yesterday.

No that's called growing up. You'll snap out of it, trust me.

I am the world's biggest dickhole.

D:

Ha, ha, yeah.

I just teared up during a wedding scene in a dumb sitcom.

Oh my God, what have I become?

YOU ARE SMALLTIME.
I'm going to join two paragraphs together and cut the middle part out for the sake of brevity:

I am such a scatter-brain.
I'm afraid that one of these days I'm going to forget something really detrimental. But how do I stop this? Does this mean I have ADD? Do I have to go on Ritalin again? :/

How do you fix a problem that you don't remember having?

I hate to pull a Dr. Phil here but you just kind of have to stop doing it. Get a planner and write shit down, try and remember it, something.

Love is not a miracle. It happens all the goddamn time.

Yeah now you're getting it. Show anger at things people find sweet.

The real miracle is loving someone functionally, unselfishly and mutually.

All right your kung fu is still kind of weak. Here's how you really troll some fags:
LOVE IS GAY AND IF YOU KISS A GIRL YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT

There is suddenly a very real possibility that I could lose my 7 month relationship.

Wow 7 months. Really fucking long, kid.

I am not sure if this is something I want. I certainly do not want to hurt him and thus far, I have failed miserably on this objective.

Make your decision in 5 seconds. As I'm learning the less you think about something the better the result.

We communicate a lot with one another - but we have different methods of communication and often times perceive things differently.

Adults are intellectually stimulated by ambiguity and differing opinions, as psychology class taught me.
Of course in reality--

There's also an inequality in what we feel for one another. He says he loves me, wherein I am just very fond of him.

Ha, ha oh girls and their range of things I understand are called emotions.

I feel a lot of guilt being in a relationship that is unbalanced in that respect; that he is so certain and so passionate about what he feels for me when I am more indefinite and moderate.

He sounds like a pussy. I say you're better off without him.

For example, I'm ovulating today (Is this considered TMI? I don't really know. Sorry if it is?).

Yes. Also you don't need a question mark and a period. Here's a quick rule of thumb for you to know if it's too much information:
if it, in any way, involves your genitals, it is in fact too much information.

Zach always says that I should call him when the ol' insomnia spins about. But I virtually never do. I just don't see the point in disturbing his perfectly nice sleep to go on about how I can't sleep.

Sounds reasonable.

I hate it when my friends trip, get stoned or compare and discuss the symptoms and differences of certain drugs. I can't relate to that lifestyle, and I have no desire to. It makes me feel like an outcast. I feel like they sorta do them too much, too. I mean, it's not healthy.

Narc.
Now there's another long post about how she thinks she has ADD because she doesn't know what her goals in life are and she's all over the place and-- kid you're in college, no one knows fucking dick about shit (yeah that's right: fucking dick about shit) stop thinking so much. Jeez, I thought I was high strung.
So anyway bored now--