2 days later: still angry

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Let's have a dialogue~

I can't find a blog but I found a great entry on ontd_feminism that's about a million words long with a hundred thousand comments.
So I figure why the fuck not. Let's shake this up and review a lone entry and its comments.

New book details the struggle of a blonde white thin girl to find love in reverse racism world 

Ohhhhh--
so edgy?

"Save the Pearls” is a vanity published YA novel trying to bill itself as the next “The Hunger Games.” The publisher says that “‘Save the Pearls turns the tables on racism.’”

Vanity press--
so who cares?
Wow, some shit story was so shit the woman had to publish her jungle love fantasy on her own dime.
There's a shocker.

It uses blackface as a plot device.

So did The Jazz Singer. 

In author Victoria Foyt’s futuristic world, no one wants to mate with white people—or “pearls”—considered to be the ugliest humans oppressed by people of color. In order to survive, they must put on blackface make up to be attractive to the ruling class of “coals.” Hoyt explains: “their stunningly dark skin that carries the greatest amount of melanin…makes them the strongest, most powerful race alive.”

[citation needed]
See when you shoehorn bullshit plot elements into a story like this you should at least attempt to explain why people act like this--
like I dunno, the Ozone layer exploded so black people would survive better?
Why are there white people at all then?

The protagonist is a white girl who must smear her face with “midnight luster” make up in order to protect herself from radiation and in order to look beautiful to the oppressive “coals” in hopes that they will mate with her.

Oh so there's the radiation angle.
I guess that is it?
Wow, I was just scatter gunning it and I hit the target. 

The rule in Eden’s post-apocalyptic world is: the darker the skin, the higher the mate-rate. Other factors calculated into one’s mate-rate include wealth or employment status. For example, Ronson Bramford, a handsome Coal titan of industry, is at the top of the heap with a mate rate of 98%. At age twenty-two, he only has two years left in which to mate—or else he’d probably have a 100% mate-rate. Tiger’s-Eyes, or Latinos, usually rate above Ambers, or Asians, in the future race wars. 

I dunno guys I'm not feeling this one. You have fun reading about jungle fever, though. I think I'm going to reread Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Instead. 

The claim: “TURNS THE TABLES ON RACISM”
The reality: No it doesn’t.
If you’ll notice:
 |*| White ppl? Pearls - A pretty precious/semi-precious gem
 |*| Asian ppl? Ambers - Another pretty semi-precious gem
 |*| Latin@s? Tiger-eyes - Another pretty semi-precious gem. One striped w/ dark and light.
 |*| Black folk? Coals - Something to be used; something which pollutes, something that rubs off on you, something not precious.

Or, you know, coal is the only rock that has a practical application outside of being pretty.
Also wouldn't this be a good reason for this kind of thinking?
People with dark skin literally survive better than people who don't in this world.
This wouldn't even require a eugenics program. In 100 years anyone who found themselves unable to survive in the new climate would be dead.

And yes, I did this list in this order on purpose. It’s the author’s chosen names, I only organized it according to current valuing of the materials.Turns the tables on racism my left tit. All this story does is expose the writer’s racism in stark, honking, stinking relief and their belief that anyone in the minority SHOULD be doing everything possible to appeal to the majority and fit in with them.
I’m not even touching a world full of PoC who’re obsessed with mating at an early/young age. Someone else can deal with that. My blood pressure says no.

It's just some white bitch's fantasy. Who gives a fuck?

Also there’s this, from Huffingtonpost (always trust Huffingtonpost to bring the RaceFail)

    “Conceivably, if the book had not reached the African-American community of readers, if such a category still exists, perhaps there might be some backlash. 

>if such a category still exists
Burned the fuck out of black people, I guess, Huffingtonpost.

Oh, for God's sake!

Soap-mouth-washing words that were forbidden in my youth now populate rap songs so often I wonder if, happily, they have lost their vile connotations.

Yes, because black rappers use the n-word in their songs, it means that it doesn't mean anything bad when white people say it now! ~*RACISM IS OVER THROW THE CONFETTI YAY*~

This sounds like a gross book, and yeah, I really, really hope it doesn't end up with a huge following. Ick.

Wow she is really angry.

THE LIBERAL RAGE IS STRONG HERE.

She must be really not racist!

I like how, even in this world the author has created, that she gives white people a “derogatory” name like “pearls” (a beautiful gemstone), and PoC are “coals” (a plain rock).

A plain rock that fueled the entire industrial revolution.
Why are people talking shit about coal?
Also can I say I am so glad PoC is a common term now?
Like holy fuck, an entire group of people that is "everyone except white people" is now an acronym. It's like Livejournal had a contest: "how useless an acronym can you create?" and that one won.
Are Asian people PoCs?
The answer, unsurprisingly, is no.
Why?
Because Asian people give approximately 0 fucks.
Just like white people.
I have two categories of people:
people who treat the acronym "PoC" seriously and another group of people I have dubbed "tax payers".
Because if you use the term PoC you are either:
in college, currently majoring in women's studies
or on welfare
or a trust fund baby.
Either way, you aren't paying taxes.

I'm adding "Black people who read" to my list of reasons I Don't Exist! 

Good idea.

 this is unbelievably gross & i'm sorry it exists :( 

Shut the fuck up. Stop apologizing for shit you're not in control of. If some white cunt wants to write a book about how much she wants to be filled with black dick let her. 
Why is this anyone's concern?
If the book sucks no one will buy it and it'll soon be forgotten about. The worst thing you can do is give this attention.
That is, if that's really what you think.
And this whole "I'M SORRY I'M WHITE ;_;" shit isn't a cover for the exact same sentiment the writer of this book has.
I'm on to all of you.

Nah, don't get all feely-bad. I've collected my list as a testimony of how much people are stupid.

At this rate of nonexistence I soon won't have to pay taxes~ 

There you go, white people. An authentic black person (POC SORRY) said you don't have to feel bad.
Let's call it a day and read real scifi.

When Eden unwittingly compromises her father's secret biological experiment, perhaps mankind's only hope, she is cast out -- into the last patch of rainforest and the arms of a powerful beast-man she believes is her enemy, despite her overwhelming attraction to him. To survive, Eden must change -- but only if she can redefine her ideas of beauty -- and of love.

>black dude
>call him a man beast
Yeah ok.

If this becomes the next Hunger Games...so help me...

Yes, the incredible literary standard that is Hunger Games.
If it does I'll see it in theaters, incidentally.
And I'm not going alone, either, so I HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS, FRIENDS.

All we need is a book series with magical negros who are the "most powerful" race and the sweet, precious white pearls who are vulnerable and trying so hard not to fall victim to the coals.

Fuck this...  

Sounds like the plot to Daggerfall, wait a second--

in addition to everything that's already gross & awful about this, i get the impression from the author's 'resources' and how most of her reviews are from people who received free copies, that this is all a huge marketing scheme to get famous?

...
NO!
Authors usually send free copies to people who review books professionally out of kindness!

Oh, so books DO get worse than "50 Shades of Gray". Good to know. *returns to Westeros* 

Worse than 50 Shades of Grey?
Ok first, 50 Shades of Grey is basically softcore bondage porno for housewives who haven't had a good dicking in 25 years. Let's not get crazy with "WORST BOOK EVER" and shit because it isn't.
It maybe tasteless and fucking stupid that it's as famous as it is, but it's not that bad, all things considered.
Second, Westeros? What the fuck are you on about?
Also:
*VERBS*

Wow, um, okay. Note to self: never try to post something in jest ever again. 

After a bunch of whining.
And yes, lesson learned.
ONTD_Feminism is somehow less humorous than ONTD_Political.

You know, it's okay to like something that is problematic as long as you acknowledge that it's problematic and can have discussions about it. I say this simply because if I, as a POC, were to shun everything that is problematic, I'd have very little to entertain myself with. 

I think you might want to fuck off with your reasoning and sensibility because you clearly don't belong here.

and i as a poc have the right to point out that being disdainful of one problamatic series yet so enthralled and engaged in another as if it's better is laughable at best, hypocritcal at worst


but thank you for teaching me that it's okay to like things with bad elements to it, i had no idea and am ever so grateful for your brilliant insight and wisdom. i'm not sure what i'd do without it or where i'd be 

Have you guys read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, incidentally?
There's absolutely 0 fucking misogyny or racism because all of the characters are white men or robots!
Genius, huh?

and you know what, no fuck all that about oh but grrm portrays these things as baaaad and has great female characters!!! is it really too much to ask out of a fantasy series to oh idk take advantage of it being a fantasy and chill the fuck out with the misogyny? dragons, white walkers, magic, years long seasons, that's all acceptable but by god not using rape and misogyny as a tool and entertainment? that would be too unrealistic.

When I write fantasy stories (which isn't often) I usually say "well it's a medieval kinda setting anyway so I'm guessing they're not too progressive with their social issues".
I mean I can accept people shooting lightning out of their hands but a woman not whining?
Come on, this blog is living proof that's totally unrealistic.

yes the rape and misogyny is shown as bad. it is also reveled in and used as a hamfisted shortcut to emphasize just how horrible the villains are. it's used as a constant reminder that the women in the series don't really have power, it's used in situations to make the hero of the situation so noble and of valor for rescuing the damsel from her attack, and then there's sexy roleplay rape of one of the strong female character because...because well why not?

I haven't even read this but it sounds awful.
If you kids want some real fantasy might I recommend Conan the Barbarian?

and that's just some of the misogyny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

go ahead and like it all you want, i even actually enjoy the series somewhat, but acting like it's not nauseating and just as shitty is bullshit 

"Oh well that woman that isn't real got raped-- at least a real woman didn't get raped" is usually how I treat rape in books.

This is so sick, I'm totally lost for words.

Plain disgusting. What is the message? Watch out white ppl because the "Coals" are going to gain the power one day and don't expect them to be as gracious as we are to give us equal rights?

Ok I know this is a ton of bullshit whining about nonsense but put this on in the background.
I'm not even reading this shit now.
 Hear that guitar riff?
Holy fuck.
And here's my attempt at being liberal and tolerant today: based off that introduction these guys are clearly gay.
But who even cares with a riff like that?

And what's all the bullshit about mating? I wasn't aware that my biological clock stopped at 18...

I visited the book's website and left a comment on how sick this is, I wonder whether they'll let it pass or whether they delete it....  

WOW A PERVASIVE GOVERNMENT PROGRAM TO CONTROL YOUR REPRODUCTION?
DYSTOPIAN FICTION HAS NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
You might even call it a trope of dystopian fiction!
I mean Jesus Christ how dumb are you?

I ate chocolate mousse cake with doublewhipped cream to make myself feel better. It was no hardship! <3  

Yeah I'll bet. But you waste all those calories chewing, chewing, chewing--
If only someone could liquefy all your food and put it into a caulking gun--

When I first read this post, all I could think of is the concept of "throwing pearls at swine", which may or may not be intentional on the "author"'s part. (I don't necessarily want to give credit for that level of allagory, to be honest.)

Also, mating? Really? There's no racist history surrounding defining the worth of men of color by their verility and ability to "mate" like livestock.

Rasist fuckwittery is racist.

*shudder* 

WATCH ME OVERREACT
I AM SO LIBERATED~

How the Author even got this idea and acted on it is beyond me
But not only that, she wrote an entire book about it and got it published.
It must have passed through a lot of people during the process -- did no one give her a fucking reality check?

Ew. Just ew. 

Someone didn't read the article. She's doing this through a vanity press, dipshit, meaning she's publishing it herself.
I hope she sells this fucking thing like crazy, too.
I hope she sells it
specifically to piss ONTD_Feminism off.
Fuck ONTD and fuck ONTD_Feminism especially.
Fuck.

elisif the fair having sex fanfiction

See that fucking title?
That's what someone was searching for when they found this blog.
Of course that's what you'd be searching for and of course this is where Google would want to send you.
Considering my most common referrer is Google followed by Google Poland (for some reason) I think I have a new respect for both Google and the country of Poland.
Maybe you two aren't so bad after all.
Anyway here we are.
You keep setting them up, Google and Poland, and I'll keep knocking them over.

As some of you already know a few months ago we packed up and moved to Memphis. On paper it was a good plan. In execution...well, we wound up in an apartment where the floors slope at an angle so steep nothing on wheels can stay in place. One of the bedrooms has a hole in ceiling big enough to stick my arm through that we've been trying to get fixed since the week we moved in. And then there's the roach problem (complete with a nest inside the dishwasher), which...let's just say that we landed with the worst landlord possible and he shows no signs of getting better. 

Sounds like your average day in Tennessee, honestly.

We're a family of walkers and Memphis is not pedestrian friendly in the slightest. We do have access to a car, but we hate having to drive everywhere. The kids were excited in the beginning, but between the apartment issues and the lack of playmates at any of the parks (it is too hot to play outside and the pools aren't open yet) they're miserable. We'd rather cut our losses now, instead of moving into another apartment in a city that we don't love in the first place. It doesn't help that having attracted the attention of the Cult of The Fetus

The fucking what?
The Cult of the Fetus?
This is heresy if I've ever heard it.

I was just reminded why I sometimes dislike ontd_feminism.

Of course she doesn't say why she's reminded of this.
Maybe she was just reminded of it in general.
"God that website is full of cunts. Anyway, salad on a shelf."
That's how my average day at my job goes, really.
Here's a post called "trigger warnings are important" and they really are. I need a warning when you fuckers are going to start firing randomly in my direction so I can remove myself from the fire lane.
THIS GAME
HAS FRIENDLY FIRE
YOU CHUCKLEFUCK

I'm going to talk about something that I rarely discuss. Food. And ED. 

EATING DISORDERS.
Anorexia blogs are still banned but I didn't know this coming in so I think we'll be ok if it's just this post.

I'm not sure I ever had a normal relationship with food. As a child, I suffered from something that doctors couldn't figure out. I barely kept water down and spent much of my kindergarten year at the family physician and UVA medical center. It was so bad I missed 45 days of kindergarten (I would flunk my today's standard because you can't miss that many days now) and if it wasn't for my mom coming to the school and learning how to teach me, I would have flunked kindergarten. So you can imagine what I looked like as a kid. You could literally see my ribs as a child and my puffy braids were wider than my wrist. Still, I think, as a kid, I was okay with food. I don't remember if I was or not, but I do know I was skinny. 

K.
TRIGGER WARNING.

I haven't held a truly positive relationship with food since I was around 13. The summer before my 14th birthday was a bad one and puberty coupled with some other things hit hard. I starved myself that summer, maintaining my life on one meal a day. I lost 30lbs that summer while my mom freaked. The stress of the school year put the pounds back on. 

That's cool, gatling style rail turret. I can totally absorb this with my body.

My point is I REALLY need people to put trigger warnings on numbers when it comes to ED. It's not pc for me at all. I need people to do this. I don't care if someone feels it's whining.

Not PC for me to be skinny.
Fucking
pussies.

I admit to enjoying Avatar's graphics/cinematography and Zoe Saldana was phenomenal in this movie, BUT it was once again a "White Man Saves The World" thing.

As a white man I'd just like to say:
white men are pretty awesome.

I did spend a lot of time wincing at the plot. It's basically: White people steal resources from native land. Decide they want more resources and are mad the natives of said land won't move or give it to them. They think the natives are savage and their religion is stupid and can't figure out why the natives keep telling them to go fuck themselves with the trading of stupid shit and stuff.

The part I didn't understand is how the natives are basically primitive people with bows and the white men have walker robots.
This seems like a fairly straightforward solution considering the lopsided technological base.

Reading afro_dyte's latest post found here: http://afro-dyte.livejournal.com/25993.html made me start thinking of my own religious journey. 

Great.
Free plugs all around I guess.

I'm not sure how I got where I am. Well, I am, but I'm not. By all the things that happened in my life, I should be a fundie Christian, a staunch conservative believer that takes the Bible literally. I grew up in a religiously conservative Christian household, attended evangelical southern baptist schools my entire life in a city known for its conservative christianity (not kidding about this. I mention Lynchburg and people go "oh?" I mention Jerry Falwell's hometown and they go "OH!". Also, note that I put the C in Christian as lowercase there.) and went to church so many times a week as a child that I could have just lived there. 

And you kept Baptist in the lower case because--
I guess you're an idiot.
I know. I know. Tons of people have this same experience and they rebel just like I did, except I eventually came to Christianity.
So you're like the Soul Drinkers.
Fell to Chaos only to return to the light of the Emperor.
Then the Imperial Fists catch wind of this and say "wait a sec are you trying to rustle my jimmies?" then they burned them all alive.
God I love the Imperial Fists.

Sort of. First, I was never a Christian as a kid. I could fake it because it was required in my immediate social circles but I never believed most of it and until high school I never had anyone to agree with me. In high school, H was either agnostic or atheist and she happened to be my best friend during those years. I believe she's a wiccan now, not sure, I should ask her.  

lol so edgy
Really?
Wicca?
For a woman in her 20s?
Don't you grow past that in high school?
And I'm up to the beginning of this blog. Fuck everything.

Oh of course

This is AngelofDeath275's journal.
What do you expect from someone who names themselves ANGEL OF FUCKING DEATH?
Boring posts about how haaaaaaaaard algebra 101 and Japanese 101 are.
Because, you know, you definitely can't sleep through that bullshit or anything.
I found this blog on ONTD_Political (of course) and I found this blog through 3 potential entries.
GUESS WHICH:
1. entry about republicans blocking one of Obama's pet projects to bring more jobs back to the US
2. a US senator proposes the only reason the Colorado massacre was allowed to occur was because the movie goers were too cowardly to stop the shooter (I don't even think Warhammer would propose something that crass)
3. Chinese dictionary refuses to acknowledge a word's new application: homosexual

For a blog about politics you'd think 1 and 2 would be the natural candidates but, of course, ONTD_Political can't shut up about gays.

A newly published edition of an authoritative Chinese dictionary has come under fire for leaving out the homosexual definition of a word commonly used to refer to gay men and lesbians.

The word "tongzhi" traditionally means "comrade" and has been widely used by the Communist Party. But in recent decades the word has evolved to refer to homosexuals.

I mean Christ, this makes news?
Wow, imagine, a country with literally thousands of years of history in white washing its own past regimes doesn't let that shit fly!
I'll be sure to write a strongly worded letter to China that some whining cunts on Livejournal in America are very unhappy that they didn't put a definition in a book!

Because if you don't say it, it's not a thing, right? :p

Says one comment. In fact, yes, in this case. Words will shift. If you suppress this one long enough people will apply it to a new word. The Chinese government, I assume, could give two shits about gays. They just don't like the application to the term "comrade" because, unsurprisingly, most of the central political figures in China are remnants of the old communist regime.

ugh its like trying to write them out of history

All right calm down. Last time I read a line like that my FFXIV character was watching a city get obliterated by a magical death laser from an airship.
When China invents a magical death laser--
First I want to see a Youtube video of it and second I hardly doubt they'd use it to menace gay people.
They might wave their new weapon willy at the US but I hardly doubt anyone gives a shit about gays.

...I knew that this itouch would act up more than usual. The wifi bars thing didn't show for the entire day until I turned it off and on again.
...guess for now a journal post can serve as a note of this.

HOLY SHIT GUYS
I WAS TRYING TO TEXT MIKE THREE DAYS AGO IN THE COOLER AT MY SHITTY JOB
AND IT DROPPED THE TEXT.
Then it didn't even give me a bounce notice until today.
CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE?
Let this serve as a note.
So in case you didn't get the memo, Mike:
haha yeah
HOPE YOU CAN FILL IN THE MISSING PUZZLE PIECE

Ugh this scald burn mark on my right hand....the layer that makes melanin is gone and it will take some time for it to come back. But dealing with the fact my skin looks like meat.....I can see the dark spots where the fair follicles are and it's weird... I just want my skin color back... When I push on it it turns white....

... So don't push on it?

I should've never had taken college algebra at this point in my life. My life is too damn stressful at this point in my life. I cracked under it and still thought I could go on. What an idiot I am.
Traveling between two colleges.
At one college, I'm taking Japanese and thaws annoying ass group of friends think it's ok to fucking talk while others are giving presentations. In every Japanese class I've taken there's always annoying people.

I'm trying to illuminate you baka gaijin (translator's note: "baka gaijin" means "stupid foreigner in Nihongo [Japanese]) about the WONDERS OF ANIME AND YOU DARE SPEAK OVER MY PRESENTATION?

God damn I've never was aware of how much if my CPU I use.....man I really need a new one

Because a CPU
you know, it's a finite resource. That shit cannot be replaced once it's gone.
And you definitely can't free up system resources by stopping unnecessary processes.
Bottom line: once your CPU is full you might as well replace it.

I had so much fun last night. For my birthday we went to moto-i, the first sake brewery outside of Japan! It was 7 people altogether, just a small group of close friends. Only two people couldn't make it due to schedule conflict. I didn't go crazy and get shit-faced I had one cocktail, shot of nigori sake, and a little bit of my friend's bloody mary because she didn't expect it to be spicy XD

XD holy fuck you are retarded.

I am completely obsessed over Angry Birds.


That is all.

Grrrrrrl gamer here

So when I was at the Job Fair Friday, I saw a guy from my English class. He said his paper isn't coming up too well. Ok, not everyone is great at writing.

But then.

But then he goes on about gow gender studies really don't interest him that much and and thats why hes having trouble with his paper. He claims to acknowledge that this is probably a bad thing since its an important thing to learn, but....hes just not that interested.

You're telling the preacher, brother, but what can you do?
Bitches gonna bitch at you until you drill that drivel into your fucking skull.

I can just imagine how he'll contort this to mean he doesn't want to attacked for his views. IT JUST HIS OPINION GAIZZZZZ. Douche's opinion are apart of an institution that oppress women, non-cis and non-hetero people. I do not care at all if he were to be attacked for his views in class because he would deserve it.

AND IF YOU THINK DIFFERENT YOU ARE A BIGOT.
LIBERALS: EMBRACING DIVERSITY UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO DISAGREE WITH THEM.
You're both assholes and you both suck at writing. Stand aside and leave your petty politics out of my sight because I don't have time for either one of you.

I now realize why going to school always ends up bothering me......because of the lighting they use, the floaters in my eyes become REALLY apparent. Its fucking annoying.

God why can't there be a cure for them.

Because it's dust in the lens of your eye.
If you're really aware of floaters it might be a serious medical condition. Might want to have that checked before you go blind.

I just was harassed today at school. Around 1:45 pm.

OH SHIT PEOPLE
WHITE WOMAN HARASSED
DID SOMEONE SAY HELLO TO YOU?

I was playing the piano, when someone opened the door. I turned around and it was this creepy as guy just standing there, w/ his foot in the door. He kept on asking "c-can I listen to you play the piano?" he wanted to stand IN the tiny ass room watching me. I told his I'm not comfortable w/ that, go away, etc. but he didn't. He just stood outside the door, watching me. I yelled "AWAY!" but all he did was move outside my view. I just didn't feel safe. I didn't want to play the piano anymore, but I also didn't want to leave the room. He looked in one more time, then left. After gathering up the courage. I left the room.

>doing shit at college

I knew I had to talk to someone about this. 

So a guy--
wanted to listen to you play the piano
maybe was taking some sort of interest in your boring life and you immediately freak out and have to tell someone like you were just raped.
I mean the guy was probably an asshole but I think this might be a bit of an overreaction.

I didn't want to but I knew I had to. I tried finding my Intro to Women studies instructor in her office, but she wasn't there. So I tried finding my Women Respond to Violence instructor. Not in her office. I went back to the 4th floor of the H building to find Jennifer March. Not in her office. Looked at when she would be in her office. Not for a couple of hours. Feeling completely hopeless. YES! she just walked right in to her. Told her what happenend to me, crying my eyes out. She suggests that I go talk to the counselor. 

Guy made eye contact. Clearly a threat.

She tells the secretary what happened. And he calls the counselor. Its a guy.....didn't feel comfortable talking to him at all....I bring up why this harassment is triggering to me, and he tries to delve deeper into that....theres are the peopel you talk to about shit like that, but not NOT going to talk about it w/ a male. He suggests if I want to talk to a females counselor. Yes I do.

So I talk to her about what happened, and she says the best thing to do is to file a report w/ the public safety office. I'm comfortable doing that, so we talk to the police officer, I give a discription of the creepster, and write the a report. The most unforturnate part is.....there are no cameras near the piano room. Theres one way down the hallway, and thats the closest one....so the officer says he wants me to come by tomorrow after my class, and he may he an ID on the creep. I hope so.

This asshole clearly belongs in prison. I hope you get him.

And the harassment doesn't end there.

Oh shit
it is so hard being you.

I'm walking to my bus stop and this guy is talking about me body like I'm a god damn object to his friends. Like I can't fucking hear. I know I wasn't the only one he did this to, but the creepster I can't take it. SO I tell him "God, I cannot fucking stand your kind!" And then he follows me to the bus stop (luckily there were people there) and tells me the SMILE.

All right that might actually be harassment. I don't know the full details because you seem a bit unreasonable but if it's actually as you described then that qualifies.

All I wanna do is stare him down. And to make shit worse, a little prick dancing to his music tries to say hi to me. 

See then you say shit like that and I suspect you're just a turbo cunt and everyone involved in this story was just being friendly and you immediately have to tell your therapist about the scary eye contact all the men in your life make.
Here's a post with a cut that says "this gives me alot (sic) to think about"
there is no such word as "alot"
you don't say "acat" or "adog" so why is "alot" a word?

White liberals know about racism. 

Black liberals don't know about it, though.
Or black conservatives?
OR WHITE CONSERVATIVES?
Only white liberals know about racism.
Oh this is a cross post on ONTD_Feminism.
I'm rolling with the punches, people. If you can't keep up--
don't feel bad because neither can I.

If they're good liberals, they try to modify their behavior, because they care. They listen and watch and learn and figure out how to avoid the blatant racism a lot of people don't even notice they carry out. But they're not perfect. Their racism inevitably takes on new, more insidious forms, and the places it accumulates are usually those where white liberals assume elitist positions. One of those areas has been cutely dubbed "food snobbery", and it irritates me to no end.

You're just looking for something to whine about.

I come from a poor town on U.S./Mexico border. Fancy dining was in the few chain restaurants that dared take a risk on the populace. The population is 95% Latin@. Mexican food was part of the landscape, not anything special or fussed over. Suffice to say, I was somewhat astonished when I went off to college and met a girl who whined about how Tex-Mex wasn't REAL Mexican food. No, it's not Mexican Mexican, but it's made by Mexican-Americans and Mexican immigrants who live right next to Mexico and thus I didn't care to hear her whitesplaining about authenticity. But she knew better, you see; she had traveled into Mexico's interior, dined at some authentic tourist trap and had authentic ethnic cuisine, and now she was clearly an expert on the subject. No silly Latina was going to sway her views, and at the time I lacked the vocabulary to articulate what about her relentless obsession with authenticity rubbed me so wrong.

So the black guy that works at this Japanese restaurant I go to sometimes--
does that make the food soul food too?
This is a legitimate point. The stuff you buy in America is watered down, homogenized pap for idiot masses like you. The fact is, Mexicans don't cook their food like it's cooked in America.
This might be a good thing  (sanitation) and it might be a bad thing (homogenized taste).
You have to ask yourself if it's worth it.
Preferrably in a mirror.
While crying.

I finally realized what it was. You see, what "food snobs" really want is to appreciate food that helps them pretend they are removed from the rabble's banal American existence, and immigrants and non-white populations are tools for doing that. 

>Banal American existence
Because you know, it's only boring to be white. Other people have culture but white people are blank slates--
Isn't this racism itself?
Saying these people are unlike white people?
You go to China and you can't eat orange chicken, as delicious as it is.
Well you can now after it was imported to China.
Yes, orange chicken, staple of any Chinese restaurant in America, is an American invention and an American export.
But you see where I'm coming from. If you throw fucking--
I don't know--
Duck sauce on fish and chips suddenly it's not British cuisine. It's British cuisine plus something you, an American, have added.
It's now American cuisine.
It might be fucking radical. I'm not saying it sucks because it's American but calling something American Mexican food is a marketing ploy by Americans to sell shit food to Americans.
You should probably just go to McDonald's because I'm getting tired of explaining this and goddamn those fries are good.

They want to be special white people, well-traveled and educated white people, who eat all kinds of crazy ethnic things that will impress their friends. No cream of mushroom casserole here; they are all about "real food". They eschew mainstream restaurants and invade hole-in-the-wall places in ethnic neighborhoods.

If you want food poisoning be my fucking guest but meanwhile I don't mind the Chinese food I get from that one place.

Mostly because the girl who owns the place is pretty cute but also because it's pretty good.

They'll award points for rough edges and sparse decor, and they love it when the staff barely speaks English.

She speaks English beautifully.
Not as perfect as I, but she does a damn fine job for a nonnative speaker.
And that's how I know the place is up to code.

(Look at how tolerant we are! We dare to venture where most white people do not!) If they're feeling really enthusiastic, they'll join their local gentrification pioneers and find a way to install themselves next to these adorable foreigners until the neighborhood is full of other white people, at which point they'll grumble about racism and oppression. They'll grumble about those other white people because they feel in their hearts they have somehow transcended white, transcended trashy.

Because only white people can be trash.

I've heard people say that "you can't good Mexican food outside Mexico/the Southwest". People, Mexican immigrants are everywhere. They do not lose their culinary powers the farther they wander from the motherland. They are allowed to modify traditional recipes to their own tastes, even if doing so horrifies the white people who think that immigrants have an obligation to uphold the static and pure vision of "authentic cuisine". Making changes, food snobs say, is so American.

IF YOU DO IT
IN AMERICA
TO SELL IT TO AMERICANS
IT IS AMERICAN.
Mexican immigrant?
Guess what you're now an American citizen.
Americans
selling shit
to Americans
isn't Mexican food anymore.

Food snobs ignore the fact that most nonwhite people do not have the money, the time, the childcare available to travel the world and dabble in the foods of their or their ancestors' countries of origin. They forget that most nonwhite people in the U.S. live in grocery deserts, and thus cannot indulge in organic beef and exotic ingredients from the farmer's market (does the bus even go there? Who knows, we use the Prius.) They are not interested in immigrants or nonwhite people who cannot facilitate their journey of culinary discovery.

Ok there's this pizza place called New York Pizza (shut up that's what it's called I don't think it's a chain) then there's the Mellow Fucking Mushroom, then the guy down the road who is actually Italian (AUTHENTIC)--
that covers your pizza food group
Then we go to High Point to a place called--
I forget the fucking name but it's awesome YOU'LL LOVE IT and that has your grain and chicken food groups covered.
I have now covered all three food groups there are.
Chicken, pizza, grains.
Best food I know of, you're welcome.
Shut up everyone.

What happens if you challenge food snobs and confront them with their bullshit? Oh, they'll argue with you. Good food, they'll say, has nothing to do with race, and they'd really love a world where everyone could eat like them. 

Unfortunately there isn't enough protein on earth for everyone to eat like your typical fat American.
This isn't a racism thing or a privilege thing so much as it is a statistics thing.
Speaking of I'd like to make a quick aside to tell you about a baller as fuck guy:
Fritz Haber
You have him to thank for all the fucking food you've been shoveling into your fat, unworthy maws for the last 150 years.
This guy was so fucking smart he realized all the fat people he created would be a problem in the future so he promptly invented ways to gas them all in WWI.
He's German
fucking with chemical warfare
but he's not a Nazi because he died before that shit happened don't you people fucking read Jesus Christ not all Germans are Nazis.
Guy was BFFs with Albert Einstein anyway.
That's how smart people function, you know.
Oh, you're German?
That's great I guess but what's really cool is FEEDING HALF THE WORLD WITH THIS THING YOU DISCOVERED.
Oh you're a Jew?
Great but YOU CAME UP WITH THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY.
You know if you ONTD_Feminist cunts want a real woman historical figure to be proud of why don't you pull someone like Kathleen Antonelli out of your list of important women achievers?
Because unlike some radical feminist cunt this woman actually achieved something in her life:
she was one of six people to invent the fucking computer.
Never hear about her, DO YOU? Know why?
Not because she helped contribute to one of the most important inventions of all time--
but because she also did it while being a housewife.
NOT RADICAL ENOUGH SORRY~
This woman literally invented a field of mathematics to make computers work but you never hear about that shit.
I've almost decided to write a religious text--
because you idiots need more self help books you'll promptly ignore--
and I've decided that one of the things I'm going to encourage is a meritocracy.
Jew, German, black, white, Chinese--
stand ye on your merits alone.

They hate bland American food and they complain about how white food is accused of being boring, as if white people didn't constitute the bulk of internationally acclaimed chefs, restaurant owners, grocery chain owners, farmer's market farmers, and even the goddamn cookbook authors.

I like how at one point I might have skipped over where she bitches that these food snob people bitch that Americans use ketchup.
Yet ketchup is the one thing mentioned so far that isn't actually an American invention.
It's a Chinese invention.
I think that, above everything, is my problem with people in general.
You talk and you talk and you're so enlightened and you're so high and mighty and yet you're completely dead fucking wrong in everything you say.
Step 1: learn something
step 2: then you spout off about it.
"Ketchup" doesn't even sound like an English word, DOES IT?
I can even write this shit in Mandarin you pretentious fucks because I actually paid attention in school and took useful classes instead of fucking woman's study 101:
鮭汁
Gui-zhi.
TRUST ME IT WOULD TURN INTO KETCHUP IF YOU SPOKE ENGLISH.
It's brine of a pickled fish, but then the Malaysians got the recipe and said "wait what if we use tomatoes we borrowed from the Italians instead of rotting fish" AND THUS WAS BORN THE GREATEST GARNISH EVER.
It's a Chinese
and Malaysian invention
imported to America
by the British--
it is not a fucking American invention.
And this is why you don't want ethnic cooking because all of the food you eat no matter where you're from is disgusting.
It's just your mother shoveled it into your ungrateful face when you were a kid so that's what you like now.
"Be saved, as unworthy as ye are"--
Thus spake the book of Timothy chapter 1 verse 5.
After the opening lines which are
"you're stupid and full of shit
I hate you
you're going to hell
live with it."

When they talk about American food, they talk about white and whitewashed traditions. They do not include nonwhite people in these broad statements. They'll proudly tell you that they knew what horchata was before that song came out, as if there aren't millions of people who grew up with the stuff. In their mind, there's no problem with passing judgment on people's diets, any person's diet. Food snobbery makes them special.

Or how about the only Japanese song to ever top the pop charts in the US: "Sukiyaki" by Kyu Sakamoto?
It has nothing to do with the Japanese food. They only called it that because it was about the only exposure Americans had to Japanese culture outside of sumo wrestling and origami.
The reason for the name change?
Because its actual name, "Ue o Muite Aruko" doesn't roll off the tongue of a typical English speaker.
Also the song is depressing as fuck and I think the marketing people realized this.
Great fucking song though, probably one of the best Japanese singers of all time--
and, like every great singer in the 1960s, died in a plane crash.
Why am I talking about this at all?
I don't remember either but I feel like this blog is so full of shit I have to draw attention away from the bullshit.
Seriously the guy could whistle almost as good as Otis Redding I'm dead fucking serious.

Food snobbery is about race. It's about xenophobia and the cynical use of immigrants.

Hail Caesar.
Sorry felt that fit in.
Surely a religion that blends Greek mythology, transhumanism, personal efficacy, futurism, technocracy, meritocracy and a strong Gothic (like from the Goth people in Germany) aesthetic will be a huge hit with the common idiot.
Wait--

It's about class and fatphobia and the relentless desire of a certain set of white people to be identified as uniquely sensitive to other cultures. To be the most special privilege monsters in the pile.

I don't want to hear about your food snobbery.

Let me take another brief respite before I depart to tell you about another great thinker:
my favorite Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius.
One of the first people to propose nutrition as a key to being healthy.
Look how baller this guy is.
Look at this one half paragraph from his Wikipedia page:

Like many emperors, Marcus spent most of his time addressing matters of law such as petitions and hearing disputes. Marcus took great care in the theory and practice of legislation. Professional jurists called him "an emperor most skilled in the law" and "a most prudent and conscientiously just emperor". He shows marked interest in three areas of the law: the manumission of slaves, the guardianship of orphans and minors, and the choice of city councillors (decuriones). In 168 he revalued the denarius, increasing the silver purity from 79% to 82% — the actual silver weight increasing from 2.57 grams to 2.67 grams.

One half of one paragraph in like a 50 page article about how baller this fucker was.
Will you ever read anything like that about Obama?
"Most skilled in the law" and "prudent and conscientiously just emperor"?
He revalued the currency.
Like the Chinese did.
And what did Obama do?
FUCK ALL.

"Alone of the emperors," wrote the historian Herodian, "he gave proof of his learning not by mere words or knowledge of philosophical doctrines but by his blameless character and temperate way of life."

HOLY SHIT.
There's a leader you could take some pride in.
He wasn't preaching fucking bullshit about austerity then jetting off to Hawaii for a vacation.
He wasn't whining on Livejournal about what white people were eating.
He was busy being emperor and writing one of the most influential philosophical texts ever written.
2000 years later Wikipedia acts like it's on a first name basis with the guy.
Will the entirety of Livejournal ever add up to even a fraction of a fraction what the people I've just mentioned have accomplished?
Of course not.
Fucking
Livejournal
is bullshit.
I'm going to bed.

LET'S DO THIS

This is Arama They Didn't.
What the fuck is that?
Well it's ONTD_Political sans the politics and with 100% more weeaboo bullshit.
Arama, for those of you blessedly uninitiated in weeaboo bullshit, is the Japanese version of "oh dear!"
Quite why they used what I'd consider an obtuse interjection instead of the closer "ah" I don't know. I guess it's not different enough for my special snowflakes.
This was a really easy way to pick blogs, actually.
Instead of having to sift through a bunch of literally gay posts and shit I don't care about I just had to find one post about one of these hot Japanese chicks I do care about, find the comment that says "she isn't that hot" and in.
What kind of person doesn't think Namie Amuro is hot?
A land whale who is mad fucking jealous, that's who.
Considering how irrational these women are about pop stars they are surprisingly rational about Final Fantasy, of all things.
FFXIII-Versus got canceled (maybe) and precisely one person gives a shit.
Welcome.
OH NO ANOTHER MEDIOCRE FFXIII SEQUEL GOT CANCELED OH SHIT.

Today I went into town, already it's pretty packed with tourists. But that is fine, maybe they should be doing something more interesting that hanging about outside Poundland though? 

That's what Americans do. We go to other country's dollar stores.

I've been playing a lot of Russian (Soviet Union late 1940's-early 1950's era) 78 records at the moment.  I love the designs of the record sleeves, so pretty and the music is nice too.

COMMIE
COMMIE SCUM

I was reading some fashion blogs for ideas about consumerism for my university course, and found this statement "Hottest fashion tip from Japan 2012 - Acid wash denim"

Thank you, Japan.
Acid wash denim.
In 2012.
You know, Japan, it pains me as much as it pains you but the 80s are over.

Oh dear, I thought that style was so awful that it couldn't be revived!  But then again I saw stirruped leggings and batwing jumpers in shops this year.....and how many ladies swore the last time they went out of fashion NEVER AGAIN?? Each to their own, but I'm not a fan.  I wore acid wash dungarees as a child, well you have to wear what parents like/what's for sale.

The 80s are back.
Thank you Japan.
 I didn't read any of the other shit you said, incidentally.

Hmmm Japan in the 80's.  I love Chisato Moritaka!  Unlike most "idols" she actually wrote most of her songs as she progressed as well as playing drums, keyboard, bass and guitar, she's also famous because her management insured her legs for 1 billion yen, they sure are pretty though *__*.  One of the first Japanese artists I listened to, oh my I sound old.

Miki Matsubara.
See I can name obscure Japanese pop stars from the 80s too.

Now just a little rant about Apple.  I LOVE THEIR MACHINES.......and their OS too.  But charging £85 to ask a question about hardware? WUT?

Apple?
Overcharging?
Never.
Also I thought Apple computers were easy to use and "just worked".
Why is there an entire service for asking questions about it?
Shouldn't it just work?
Having to call someone up sounds pretty not "just working" to me.

To circumvent totally sneak around the issue I phoned their retail division pretending to ask about new machines, whilst bewailing the loss of my husband's laptop where the advisor inadvertently gave me a big hint of costs - £400-ish was his estimate for a full repair of the hard-drive and cables blah blah (which was the problem).

You are willing to pay
a thousand fucking dollars
to have some yahoo resolder some wires?
Apple, I have to hand it to you. You are geniuses.
Component cables?
No, man, hardwire that shit then we'll get the idiots coming and going when the join weakens.
Then make up some bullshit about how our machines are better and we'll brainwash them.
This is a genius idea.

Husband was very upset, so he sulked for 30 seconds and went to his big box of crap  electronics box and found our broken Playstation 3 which co-incidentally has the same type of hard-drive as a MacBook....and swapped them......IT WORKED AND IT WAS GOOD!  A quick click on Amazon and a new HDD will arrive by courier today at 4pm.  

...
Coincidentally uses the same hard drive--
because--
How--
how are you removing the hard drive from a laptop?
Something about this story isn't quite adding up.

I haven't been completely bedbound for more than a week for a long time now, but the daily annoyances of the illness are with me all the time.  The brainfog, the soreness, the emotional problems, sound/light sensitivity are there every day to some extent.  Some days are better than others, but after 20 years of this crap I know that I won't recover by myself.   

Typical woman, am I right?
Apparently she has some sort of brain condition.
I guess that goes a long way to explain the Livejournal.

I think my enthusiasm, non-stop squee and giggling is going to drive people nuts, but at least it makes them smile.

Sounds annoying as fuck.
Is this part of the brain condition too?
No, unfortunately, it's just part of being an annoying twat.
What a shame.
Well that's it for this blog as I am literally up to the first entry.
Guess it's time to play some Saints Row 3.

OH BOY

ANOTHER WEDNESDAY
ANOTHER SHITTY BLOG
Where'd I find this one?
Where else?
I guess I'll start this with the new grand tradition of commenting on the shitty ONTD_Political article I found this tripe from.

Though Chick-fil-A has come under considerable fire for its documented support of anti-gay Christian organizations, officials for the fast food chain have remained mostly tight-lipped about the controversy -- until now.

In a new interview with the Baptist Press, Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy -- the son of company founder S. Truett Cathy -- addresses what the publication describes as his franchise's "support of the traditional family."

Cathy's somewhat glib response: "Well, guilty as charged."

He went on to note, "We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit.

Guilty as charged of selling shitty chicken strips, maybe.
I wish the Bible said something about the proper amount of breading you should put on a chicken strip because way to gyp me out of the best part.
It's not like it doesn't go on and on about other dietary restrictions and other nonsensical shit like space being filled with water and bats being birds so why the fuck not illuminate your poor followers with the proper amount of breading on a chicken strip?
At least Zeus deigned to teach his idiot followers how do properly cook a hamburger (no joke).

 We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that...we know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.

McDonald's is still #1 and they operate on Machiavelli's principles.
Also I don't entirely see the problem. He said he supported traditional marriage, not that he hated gay people.
If you support gay people you're a hero but if you say "yeah and a man and a woman marrying marrying and having boring sex for the purpose of procreation is all right too" suddenly you're an asshole crusader Nazi.
Maybe he is an asshole crusader Nazi but from what I've read he's just donating to the causes he thinks are important.
Maybe I'm too tolerant but the same thing that makes me tolerant of gay pride parades also makes me tolerant of this.

Five years ago, I had already failed the Florida Bar Exam once.  Having taken it for the second time, I was awaiting the results with no small amount of anxiety.

I didn't want to make any big life changes before knowing the outcome of that all-important test, but life got the jump on me in the form of three beautiful fluffy kittens.  I drove to Jacksonville and brought them home one day before the results were due.  The joke was that even if I had failed yet again, having my kitties waiting at home would keep me from offing myself.

And for four hours the following day, I did think the worst.  The online score report said I had failed.  My work mentor took me a consolation lunch at a local sports bar, but while there, the breaking news came in about the Virginia Tech shooting.  Nothing like a report of seventeen college kids dead (and rising) to give you a little perspective!

Leave it to a lawyer to try to find the positive part of seventeen people getting fucking murdered.
Also how selfish is that?
WELL THEY MAY HAVE GOTTEN MURDERED--
I GUESS IT COULD BE WORSE THAT I DIDN'T PASS A TEST I CAN RETAKE.

Much hysteria and numerous phone calls and babbling and shrieking later (not just from me either - I wasn't the only who got my score that day) we determined there had been a glitch in the results.  I had passed.  I was a member of the Bar.  I had a law license.  I still had my job.  One of my colleagues referred to it as "emotional whiplash," and she wasn't wrong.

Hurray.
World saving woman here.
With her law degree.
Saving the world.
Doing the important work.

Between two particularly grueling years of practicing law (a small, understaffed, overloaded office) topped off with studying for and taking the Virginia Bar in February, I've been, shall we say, out of touch from most popular culture for quite a long stretch.  When I had a chance to read, I stuck to my dear old favorites, my easy books, my fanfic, for a relaxing sojourn away from the legal world.

Important work.
What a saint.

Mission:  See movie.  BUT FIRST... read those books!  I haven't been this titillated since Peter Jackson's glorious Fellowship began releasing tantalyzing TV spots in 2001 and led me to buy tickets to film and head for the bookstore to purchase... Harry Potter.

All right she may be a lawyer and a patron saint of sacrifice and patience but she doesn't know how to spell tantalize.
She's a lawyer, not God, after all.
Comes from Tantalus?
You know, the guy the gods punished for his hubris and being a sick fuck by banishing him to a cave for all eternity?
The cave has a pool of cool water and a tree with apples on it, but every time he reaches for an apple the branches move just out of reach and every time he goes to get a drink the water recedes out of his reach?
Probably one of my favorite myths in Greek mythology.
It's hard to pick, really.

After the Virginia Bar Exam, I am now reacquainting myself with the notion of "spare time" in the evenings by indulging in my more morbid interests - crime. 

...
Isn't that what being a lawyer is about?
Crime?
Hello?
So it began this morning at the stroke of midnight... when I went to bed after the night's Bar Exam studying (Virginia Corporations. Woo. Hoo.)
Corpos.
Let me tell you all you need to know about corporations:
they're all assholes. Just play them as hard as you can until you make the mad cash.
AKA the story of EVE Online.

No, no, I must not go down that mental road.  I psyched myself out in July 2006 - that's why I ended up having to retake the thing in February 2007.  I will not do that again.  Although I did freak a little when I first cracked the outline book on Wednesday, reminded again of just how damn much material needs to get studied.

Why is the law so complicated?
I think Judge Dredd had this shit pretty well in hand.
I AM
THE LAW
and then if someone disagrees with you you shoot him in the face with your grenade launching handgun.

The Bar-Taker User Manual

1. Your bar-taker is busy.
2. Your bar-taker does not want to talk to you.
3. Your bar-taker does not want to do housework. Do it for them.
4. Your bar-taker does not want to make you dinner.
5. Your bar-taker does not want to go out to dinner with you.
6. Make your bar-taker dinner. At their home.
7. Clean everything up after you make your bar-taker dinner.
8. Your bar-taker did not ask you how your day was because your bar-taker does not care. Get over it.
9. Don't ask your bar-taker how their day was. It sucked! Don't waste their time by making them tell you how much it sucked.
10. Stop calling your bar-taker. I told you already, they don't want to talk to you.
11. Don't try to teach your bar-taker anything new. They don't have room in their heads for anything but the rule against perpetuities. They will not listen to you. 
12. Your bar-taker does not want to go see a movie with you. Go by yourself and leave them alone so they can study.

This list goes on and on but I think maybe I'll just get new friends and leave the bar taker alone on a permanent basis.

Spouses and significant others, your bar-taker does not want to have sex with you.

Spouses and significant others, if your bar-taker does want to have sex with you, they will inform you of this fact. You should then be prepared to tender prompt and efficient performance. Then leave them alone.

It should go without saying but don't marry lawyers.
If this isn't sufficient proof for you (assuming you needed proof) then truly there is no hope for you.

Your bar-taker does not feel like bathing. Hold your nose and learn to live with it.

How about the bar-taker gets the fuck out of my house and finds herself a new method of supporting herself?

Your bar-taker has, in fact, degenerated into a subhuman creature whose sole purpose in life is learning the law. All semblance of compassion and human decency has been drained from their bodies. You are lucky they don't attack you and eat your brains.

Oh wow a lawyer with no compassion or sense of human decency.
Let me call the fucking press.

22. Don't like it? Might I offer a solution?
23. Be warned that by seeking the above solution, you will never get the chance to do this.

The first one linked to an article on divorce and the second one a picture of money.
Like I need your useless ass to make the mad cash.
I MAKE OVER MINIMUM WAGE AT MY SHITTY GROCERY STORE JOB.

Your bar-taker does NOT want to hear about how much is riding on this exam. Really, they don't. That's because they know. They spend hours stewing on how much is riding on it. Lecturing them about it has the potential result in decapitation-with-teeth, and be assured, any judge in the world would rule it Justifiable Homicide.  Remember, judges took the Bar too.

Any judge would rule it justifiable homicide because the pussy is too afraid to send someone to jail so he'd rather have criminals out murdering people.
Fucking useless assholes every single one of you. I can't believe this fucking article. Have you seen one of these about a medical licensure exam?
I sure fucking haven't and yet I've seen lawyers whining about this shit numerous times.

Getting sedated wasn't as bad as I feared it might be.  The oral surgeon, small-talking as we prepped me, asked if I had considered following in Mum's nursing footsteps.  "Are you kidding?" I said.  "I can't stand blood or needles!"  I couldn't even look when they put the IV in.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
DO SOMETHING USEFUL?

ME?
For any of my dear friends, relatives, casual acquaintances, fangirls, fanboys, fanbrats, and snarkaholics who read my LJ and are yourselves, like myself, currently engaged in the delightful and intricate dance of the job market, please do heed this one item of advice I have just discovered:

DO NOT READ CLASSIFIEDS AND WRITE COVER LETTERS AT 10:00 AT NIGHT!

You will be so antsy and stressed that you'll have no chance of getting any sleep for at least six hours. 

Well we're not all wonderfully useful like you so not everyone has great job prospects so I try not to let it bother me too much.
Good Christ this blog is boring.
Why did I pick this blog?
Oh right because I'm lazy and it was the first one I found that appeared suitable.
Ha, ha, oh me.

It wasn't easy to lose 18 pounds in 2007.  But somehow I at least managed to keep it going for a week at a time!

I'm an emotional eater - stress, frustration, boredom, you name it, it makes me crave stuff.  I don't eat until I feel physically full - I keep on eating until I feel "mentally full."

RRRRRR SO HUNGRY WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING

Dear World:

The United States of America, your quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for its 2001-2008 service outage.

HAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Yes, the US invented the idea of liberty and democracy.
Athens?
What's that?
No, America totally invented freedom. The entire world was a police state before the US.
What? The pilgrims actually went to the US because Europe was too free and they had to move here so they could persecute others because the same rule that made Europe tolerant of Puritans also made them tolerant of Quakers and the like?
No idea what you're talking about.
USA! USA! USA!

The technical fault that led to this eight-year service interruption has been located. Replacement components were ordered Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, and have begun arriving. Early tests of the new equipment indicate that it is functioning correctly and we expect it to be fully operational by the end of January.

Yes, thank you for promoting peace, Obama.
Great use of UAVs, incidentally. I'm a huge, huge fan of mechanized warfare in gaming.
How's that peace medal working out?

We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage and we look forward to resuming full service -- and hopefully even improving it in the years to come. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Very Truly Yours,

The USA

Yes, we're really sorry for the inconvenience of warfare.
So sorry about accidentally lighting your citizens on fire.
I promise it's hard to not catch women and children in the crossfire sometimes.
HEY, MOTHERFUCKERS.
WE INVENTED FREEDOM AND WE ARE GOING TO FREE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU EVEN IF WE HAVE TO KILL YOU TO DO IT.
Jesus Christ this blog.
Anyway I'm going to go do something else now.
Bye then.

MY BODY IS READY

Today we're taking our first uneasy steps into Tumblr territory.
Is Livejournal too high brow for you?
Maybe a little too masculine?
Well we have Tumblr here just for you, retard.
Anyway this blog actually came as a request--
because I'M FAMOUS ENOUGH TO GET REQUESTS FUCK YOU and here it is.
This is a return to one of my old favorites: poetry blogs.
Did you miss poetry blogs?
Aaaaah me neither.

I wanted to write something about her but
she’s so small then I thought men don’t measure things
by their absence,
she seems to have seen all 27 cracked and ordinary years of me
still laughs at my dumb jokes about old movies
three mocking birds worth of laughs while I pay for our booze
like I have many times before,
they said fuck you to all the saints with high heels and now she
touches my leg lightly and smiles at me like no one does, 

HOLY
SHIT BRO
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING
Poetry isn't actually sentences with random page breaks contrary to one of the first jokes I told about poetry on here.

for now I will just try to make her
laugh,
because graveyards are full of the boys who went for the
high heels and liquor, so rarely do they have
tombstones next to anyone important,
because graveyards are also full of boys like me,
I will die someday too,

amen,
plastic jesus candle lying upside down in my neighbor’s window,
hear my prayer,
“don’t let me
fuck this one up…”
He’s heard it before, He’s quite unimpressed, the
sun has melted his face into only hints and He has never been
lit, which explains everything
if you think about it 

So this poem makes sense if I think about it.
So you're a pretentious hipster faggot and this is all garbage.
Got it, asshole.

Sometimes I sit alone in the break room chugging red bull and listening to the Wrath Of Khan score wondering if I’m ever going to buy a decent razor so i stop giving myself terrible razor burn when I do remember to shave.

Gotta get up at 5:30 tomorrow, speaking of.
God I love my fucking shitty job.

Thai food, the Aquitaine, the Hyde Out, Willie Williams, the Revenger’s Tragedy, whiskey, and getting lives on track. Ups and downs. Life, you know?
Okay, I’ll write something cooler, settle down, jeesh. This was for me. SO I CAN LOOK BACK. I DO THAT SOMETIMES, JERKS.

HOLY FUCK BRO IS THAT A COHERENT THOUGHT OR THE RANTINGS OF A FUCKING TWEAKER? 

• Sally: What are you doing?
• Me: Waiting for a text.
• Sally: You do that? I thought the oh so edgy writersmith was above such things. He was never the active contact.
• Me: I'M TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF SALLY.
• Sally: I DON'T THINK A NEW LEAF MATTERS IF YOU CUT THE WHOLE DAMN TREE DOWN
• Me: I NEEDED THE WOOD BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA GET ON THE CROSS
• Sally: Damnit, Daniel.

Is it possible to hate these two people more than I do right this fucking second?
Because I don't think it is.
This is the 9/11 of blogs.

 Had a weird John Hughes moment in the Mission today; went down to go see the show at the Dark Room with Juan (oh that Juan) and was walking down the street and saw this very pretty girl who was extraordinarily familiar, who then asked me “Do I know you?” and then we talked about Roald Dahl’s adult fiction (gotta find a copy of his Hamlet) and now I’m looking forward to buying her a drink and talking books. Also, really, I wonder where I know her from — if I do in fact know her. It’s a small city. And I’ve got the soul (or at least wardrobe) of a detective. 

The soul of an asshole.
I can't imagine how you dress. I bet you own at least one fedora in which case you should be violently scourged with razor wire.

when you slammed the door in my face, I laughed, because I couldn’t scream, or yell, or beg. when you slammed the door in my face the air pushed me back a bit, and I teetered on the top step. I’m clumsy, and if I had fallen backwards and broken my neck and ended up crippled or dead, would you have wept? not in that moment, I’m sure. the bitterest satisfaction is only empty in retrospect. in the moment it fills you, like a good meal, like great sex, like religion or a long movie.

Like great sex
or religion
or a long movie
You know what three things I didn't expect to see tied together?
Well a lot of things but those three things especially.

I tried to explain she was a moment of weakness. it wasn’t hers — women are savage, and paranoid, but so rarely weak, and in that moment I touched her, and other things, and it was without meaning. meaningless but loaded with consequence. like all small actions, it became something greater, and worse, a free-floating emotional and social maelstrom. 

Coooooooool.
So you cheated--
You know I get this but I'm having a hell of a time giving a fuck because this is so pretentious and hipster I feel like I shouldn't be getting this as much as I do.

she was a great laugher, and a great smile, and a great body, and pretty — yes, she was all those things. but not like you. your laugh made me call you from thousands of miles away.

"baby it ain't be like that"
HOW IS IT
I CAN ACCOMPLISH IN ONE SENTENCE

WHAT TAKES YOU PARAGRAPHS
 your smile stood below mine in the mirror in the morning when you made fun of me. your body, well. I don’t have the time to describe. art. form and void. 

So she's got a great smile
and she's really fucking hot--

 when I touched her, she laughed. when you slammed the door in my face, I laughed. people do crazy things. people are fundamentally crazy, or perhaps we’re just sane and pretending.

But is she
half as hot as Anna Tsuchiya?
The answer, of course, is no.
So really whatever, bitch. Peace out.
FUCK HER. YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A BITCH I AIN'T A SUCKA.

but I loved you, like fire and songs, because that is how I love. until I do crazy things. I won’t ever change, not until I die. 

Anna Tsuchiya
I even saw that fucking movie you were in where you were a hooker
what the fuck was that anyway?

the memory of her laughter is all I can recall about her, what became of the rest of her I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. I loved you all along, but she was beautiful too, in the way that all women are — exotic and painful and unlocking, always becoming more complicated and wonderful.

What?
Listen, bro, she's just a pop star.
She's not even the hottest Japanese pop star so let's keep our shit together.
Or the sluttiest. Just putting that out there.

I knew when I touched her, I hurt you, and I hurt myself. perhaps that is why she loved it. perhaps that is why she laughed. now you are gone, and bigger than me, and I am still a boy who knows nothing, who plays with his toys and stares upwards not knowing just what to wonder. 
and you will crack the sky with your dreams, darling. 

Darling.
I think Anna Tsuchiya should probably send me an email or hell I'd accept a text of her thanks.
Because I think after watching her movie I'm about the most dedicated fan ever.
All right you've got a sexy voice do I really need to watch a whole movie featuring this?

• Me: I gotta get outta my hotel room. It's too small and creepy and it's making me stir-crazy and mean and weird.
• Zach: I hear the real estate in Damascus is good.

 I hear your face would make a good home for my fist, Zach.
Is anyone named "Zach" (with an 'h') not a complete twat?
Here's a picture of him reading a book and drinking Jack Daniel's with iTunes on in the background.
COOL.
COOL.
COOL.
LET ME POST ABOUT HOW I GOT REALLY BUZZED ON KAMIKAZES AND SAW THE ROOM IN A HIPSTER THEATER BECAUSE THAT'LL BE AN INTERESTING POST FOR PEOPLE TO READ ABOUT.
Dipshit.

Fuck a good life — I just want the story, you know? You die alone anyway. It doesn’t matter if you die holding someone’s hand, there’s no guarantees with the clearing at the end of the path. The story is what matters. I don’t care of I have to live a ridiculous cartoon hyper-allusion of a miserable life to get one good story. You don’t sign up for the writing gig and you don’t get to go AWOL. Journalism, poetry, telling dick jokes on twitter; go, go, go kid go! Write that ridiculous love song! Blog something about someone you don’t know! Burn it all down on the way and sit alone in a small room. 

And yet every single one of the best authors say "my life was complete shit so let me tell you this story so my life will be slightly less shit". They don't go seeking it out.
Like what, Dante just decided "yeah to tell a good story I should get myself arrested"
or what, Milton said "yeah I think I'll almost get executed as a traitor so I'll have enough material to write Paradise Lost."
That's not really how this shit works, idiot.

Last night was the thrilling experience of watching some first timers take some low-grade acid and dance, get topless, while I (also dropped) and graphically and repeatedly described the Coen Brothers spit-roasting Frances McDormand (for almost forty five minutes) and we laughed about fax machines, tried to get Siri to admit she hates Zooey, and made fun of each other’s weird mannerisms and lay about on the floor trying to figure out how the fan worked.

THEN WE WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE THEATER SO WE DECIDED TO FUCKING MAKE SHADOW PUPPETS ON THE SCREEN--
IT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS YOU GUYS JESUS CHRIST.
God this guy is an asshole.
Here's a picture (that just just a bunch of words, inexplicably) that says "any time a scene is two characters talking about a third the scene is shit" which is actually pretty true.
Except half of Pulp Fiction is that kinda shit and it's one of the best movies ever so whatever.

girl,
with your exquisite cataclysms calming mendacious impertinent folk medleys,
I have built 27 years and 37 teeth worth of poems and
sad songs for you,
I have witnessed the tragic splintering power in the voice
of broken windows, 

MAD LIBS: THE POEM

Most of the girls at the fashion store across the street are leggy Deschanel analogues (and therefore barely noticeable) or surly looking heavily made up Asian girls in hipster glasses (also something this city has overdosed on)

I propose that you cannot overdose on the latter. 

Everyone’s miserable sometimes.
Let me back up. You’re probably in love with someone right now; you, the abstract reader and you the specific — whether it’s known or not. Human beings are mechanically or biologically programmed to love, to facilitate stronger bonds and therefore stronger children.

I am?

There’s no answers anymore. That’s part of getting older. You like the bands you like and you like the certain friends’ facebook statuses and some mornings you wake up and almost don’t go to work, and sometimes you get drunk and dance with a stranger and sometimes you stay at home and watch an episode of something utterly forgettable that completely entrances you. But you don’t have answers.

I have all the answers.
All you have to do is ask me and I can give you them.
Anyway I gotta be up soon for bullshit and salad on the shelf.
Bye then.