Screaming 12 year olds

Apparently it's poor form to shoot people as they're dropping down in that new Call of Duty game. Excuse me I thought we were playing a war game, not a sportsmanship simulator.
Well if he was butthurt the next three sure were when they got hit in the face with a flashbang.
Five kill streak in the first thirty seconds of the game. Awesome.
The rest of the game them proceeded to be pretty mediocre for me so let's just move on to today's blog.

I can't seem to access LJ to post unless I finagle my way through doing the writer's block thing without signing in.

Intuitive. I'd call you an idiot but Livejournal does seem to be scaling back its usability. THINGS ARE TOO EASY TO USE, QUICK MEN, QUICK!

There's not much excitement to post about, though. It seems that we are going to get a snowstorm tonight, and I am lining up for the lame switcher at 0400.

Oh yeah, let me navigate what is admittedly a frustrating and convoluted user interface to post about nothing. Good.

Otherwise, today was a completely wasted day. I felt pretty D&D (dead and drained, as I say, although it is really Business Nomenclature for Design and Development down at head office)

Also Dungeons and Dragons. Just putting it out there.
Here's a post about something. I have no clue what he's talking about. It's just a series of acronyms and buzzwords. I try to ignore these in my own field so this is an immediate skip for me.
Speaking of my field, I kept a list of the acronyms I heard in a thirty second stretch of speech:
EL
ELL
ELC
EC
SC
I AM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.
I can translate some of these (to my own horror): EL is English Language, ELL is therefore an English Language Learner, I'm not too sure what ELC or EC is (someone told me but I forgot to pay attention) and an SC is a Sheltered Classroom but I'm not entirely sure what that is, though.
Here's a job interview. Or maybe it's just a regular interview because our boy is a celebrity.

Interviewer: So how would you describe yourself?

Me: That's a tough question. I was pondering it earlier today, in fact. If I were to write about myself, I would indulge my love of adverbs and describe myself as moderately offensive.

Offensive in the sense you're a douche, maybe.

Dickens, I think, would have described me thus: "he was a man with the habit of going about with his hands in his pockets, and who insisted on growing whiskers in spite of their lack of cooperation." Wordsworth may have called me one who murders by dissection, and Johnson, I feel, would has described me as Thomas Gray, that is, "a good design ill-directed."

Good ol' Ben Jonson.
Oh we're talking about Johnson with an h. Who is that?
Probably Samuel Johnson who isn't nearly as cool.

Interviewer: It seems that you think about yourself too much.

You are so right, interviewer. First person I feel I can agree with in a blog.

Me: You mean to say that I'm selfish?

Interviewer: Not exactly. Perhaps I mean that you are preoccupied with yourself, but not concerned with yourself to the exclusion of all others...

Here was the answer they were looking for: "I'm a hard worker and I never give the fuck up, even when surrender would be advisable or even preferable." If you're in the army or some sort of equally killy occupation you can also add: "to the last, kill them all."

Me: ...most of the time.

Interviewer: Go on.

Me: Do I love myself? Yes, I suppose I do, as much as anyone with a strong sense of self-preservation. Am I in love with myself? I think that that is much different. Most people with opinions form them on the basis of conformation to their standard, not the standard to which they aspire. I am not my own gold-standard.

Why is it someone who is comfortable with himself is automatically in love with himself? Can't I just be casually friendly with myself?

Interviewer: So you mean to say that arrogance forms opinion, but claim that self-deprecation in the basis of yours?

It's not arrogance if it's true. Also: it's like I'm reading a competition between two people trying to out-douche themselves. I retract what I said earlier about interviewer, here.

Me: To the first clause, I would say yes. Those with opinions need to believe that they are right. That kind of mentality is healthy.

Can an opinion be right? If it can, is it an opinion?
This is some Zen shit, motherfucker.

I have my own brand of arrogance: I tend to believe that I am right, but my passivity makes me think that I am doing a poor job of being right.

If you're right do you really need to explain yourself?

It is odd to me that the release of Call of Duty: Black Ops was so close to November 11.

... That a holiday or something?
Oh, oh right, Remembrance Day.
Day they signed that armistice to end WWI.
Then later they renamed it to Veterans Day.

I'm not one of those up-in-arms people, (or am I?) but it seems strange that, at this of all times, the marketing for a war game is as aggressive as it has been lately.

Well to be fair the game is pretty fucking rad and if I were a veteran I'd be honored that my occupation is depicted in such a way.
Except for the several graphic torture scenes.
Also the part where your character goes insane for about ten full minutes.
Also the part where you destroy a Vietnamese village.
But otherwise it's awesome, honest.

I saw a backgammon board yesterday and I almost bought it.


I don't know how to play, but I would like to learn.



It seems to me that there is something delightfully, if harmlessly, Imperial about it.

>Imperial
>developed in ancient Egypt
whatever.

I had the misfortune of having to talk to a drunk woman the other night. A drunk stranger, that is, with whom I shared some acquaintances.


"So," she says, in a tone both overbearing and minorly hostile, "what's your story?"

Deciding immediately that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her, I replied, "well, in terms of Canadiana, I suppose that you could describe me as a glacial erratic."

"You're gonna hafta use smaller words, honey."

You're lucky she let you off with just that. I know people who would have turned violent.
While sober, even.

I was also told once that I was looking "like a Modest Mouse fan."

Translation: you look like you just sucked a couple of dicks.

I received a compliment today.

"You are a counter-cultural guru."

> counterculture
> works for the shipping industry
nothing says "anti culture" than providing bulk goods.
Oh he makes model trains. Here's a picture of one.
Ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'd expect more weathering on a train but fine I suppose. No real detailing or highlighting but not bad I guess.
Anyway I think that's it for the evening. I got shit I'd rather be doing than listen to this idiot dither on.

Fantastic.

So Japan. That long string of islands situated on the Pacific Ocean? Well let me tell you: Japanese people don't speak English. Also they have different cultural values than Americans. Or Europeans. Also Americans (and Europeans) might not agree with these values.
There you go I just described today's blog. I guess I don't really have to review it now so good bye-- oh all right I will. Absinthegaijin (doesn't make any more sense in English I assure you).
Absinthe is some sort of drug made out of wormwood and alcohol and a gaijin is a foreigner so go figure that out.

Had to go to the supermarket today at a truly obscene hour, midnight. For any spoiled Americans who might actually read this, did you know you have to bag your own groceries here?

OH MY GOODNESS THEY'RE LIVING IN THE DARK AGES!

Some scary old Japanese guy stopped his car right next to where I was walking and kept asking if I wanted a ride, I had to plead ignorance and go all doe-eyed dumb foreigner Me no understandy Japanesey on him. Thank goodness that tactic works.

Works in America too. If I don't want to deal with people I just pretend to be German.
Unfortunately the only German I know was either retained from high school or I learned it on the show Combat!, so I usually end up sounding like a Nazi.

Stopping your car by the side of the road, asking an adult woman to get in your car? That's serial killer creepy, my friend. LOL I half expected him to at least try to lure me with candy.

Well I'm certainly glad you're amused by your story because I'm bored shitless.

Just remember, never act confrontational or yell out police, tasukete or dameda, this will only encourage them.

Personally I'd yell IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN I SHALL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!

"No, you're being completely inappropriate." Chances are that should be enough to make any scary guy here go away.

Ha, ha great brotip to throw off serial rapists. "This sexual molestation is very inappropriate!" Goddamn my tips are better than you and I'm not even being serious. I'm being positively ZANY!

I don't really have to do this kind of stuff very often, though, Japan's pretty safe most of the time. If all else fails, I'm pretty sure I could win in a fight, drunk or sober.

Yeah you sound like you could win a fight. You sound like you're still a little bit panicked simply retelling it. I think that's a good way to win a fight: be really fucking panicked when it happens.
Guns are illegal in Japan so he likely doesn't have one, so that leaves a manly altercation: fists. Come on, keep your head together and you can win this. Remember, a fistfight isn't about who is strongest but who can strike fastest!

It's never gotten to that point, though. Just mildly frightening events, nothing worth writing about. Tonight was the first time someone actually scared me a little.

Well by your description Japan is a terrifying, Lovecraftian realm of demons waiting to rape you with baseball bat penises. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and all I have to fear is dying (naw dawg that ain't me) from criminals instead of being raped and scarred forever probably.
Wow that was kind of a downer.

Happier things................

Yes, captain ellipsis, let's think happy thoughts. So she's going to meet some guy and who gives a shit. You were more interesting when you were warding off rapists by telling them they were inappropriate.

I understand why he lets me talk, he's so shy. I wonder why Japanese people are so embarrassed to speak English in front of you? I always wonder about that..................

It's simple: they're ashamed of their accent/poor grammar. It's perfectly reasonable, and I'm ashamed for a lot of people who have shit grammar in their own fucking language, especially when they're talking to people who speak English as a second or even third language (who frequently manage better grammar skills than the idiot with whom they're talking).
In fact I've known Japanese people who understand English so well they're practically fluent but still refuse to speak in English. Usually you just talk to them in English and they respond in Japanese and as long as both parties know both languages it's no big deal.

Do they think we're all culture snobs who laugh at their linguistic mistakes behind their backs or make fun of their pronunciations when we're at home?

Most people I've encountered don't know you drop the "e" at the end of a verb when making it an active (-ing) verb, so no. No we are not as a people.

If that wasn't the case I might be introducing myself as watashi wa (name) desu with the u as opposed to the actual pronunciation where the u is silent.

A real pro at Japanese probably would exclude "watashi wa" as that's implied but we're getting off track.

The English language is a mess of useless silent letters and weird quirks. On that note, I can't believe those wacky Brits are getting rid of teaching i before e except after c ! Sad........

Because it's a bad idea with as many exceptions as there are words that follow it, so teaching kids it's a rule is confusing when they run into even elementary words that don't follow it like "weird".
Meanwhile in England they also teach kids that an ellipsis is three dots (...) instead of however many you can fit until you get bored and stop holding the period key down. Putz.

He took me to an American style bar here in my neighborhood ( I think he knows my neighborhood better than I do) and we talked forever. I still think he let me talk too much, but he said he didn't mind......... I always wonder about that, though.

I find your choice of words interesting. He "let you talk" as opposed to what I would naturally assume, "he listened".

Japanese people are so.....well, they call it polite. Where I'm from, we call it being waaaay too nice.

Well you're not in America anymore.

I guess I'm worried I was just as uninteresting and annoying as I felt, talking all the time.

You are. I'm not too shy (hush, hush) or whatever you want to call it to say it.

Sigh.........hazukashii eigo, I guess. So cute, so shy, so likable.

UGUUUUUUU.

He likes cats, actually has a cat, laughs at my jokes, can't cook and has a mystery job. I guess he's a little strange, too, but I like him. Strange or not, I like his company. Besides, I'm a little quirky myself.

I kind of wonder about his mystery job, though.............
Oh my no he's probably a spy or an assassin or something.

Sounds like a WACKY ROMANTIC COMEDY ANIMU/MANGO if I've ever heard one.
He's trying to hold a steady job as a yakuza hitman while romancing a woman! An American woman (ooo)! How will he balance his career as a hitman, his soul eternally pledged to Ares in the name of bloodshed and slaughter (whoa turn for the violent) and his romantic life?
I'd watch this. Especially if Ares is in it.

So yeah.....mystery job. What does he do? I wouldn't really care, but since I don't know, I really wonder.............. Man, I really hope it's not illegal or unethical. I doubt he's a gangster, he doesn't look the type..............

:3

I'm off to Kichijoji, reviews forthcoming

Sounds familiar. Didn't half of Shin Megami Tensei 3 take place there?

Saw a lovely image that made me a little nauseous.

Some J-pop star Gackt in a SS uniform.

Ha, ha I didn't know that fagort Gackt had that level of troll in him.

Do you have to be stupid to be shocking nowadays? Can't you do something besides wear the uniform of someone who tried to commit genocide against whole groups of people (the Jewish, the homosexuals, etc.)

Well it was either that or the KKK uniform.
So now this blog, as if it needed more of it, takes a turn for the Freudian. Let's put on our psychology hats.

I want a Japanese wife to make me bento lunches.

All right. Nothing wrong there I suppose. I'd say it's a little strange since you proclaim to be a heterosexual woman but whatever.

I know it''s an impossible dream.

No, also apparently she's serious because if this were a joke it would have ended before now. Presumably, anyway. I mean I know she sucks at sarcasm or comedic timing but I have difficulty imagining she's this inept from what I've seen thus far.

I want it anyway. I want little nori cut out hearts on top of rice, I want radishes carved into flowers, I want a cute little lunch full of love.

All right now it's getting Freudian. She cleverly hides this weird pseudolesbian (that's a word) fantasy by saying this:

I want to stop eating Kombini and restaurant food.

but that makes it even more suspect in my mind.
I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO BANG JAPANESE WOMEN (not faulting you there I might add) I JUST CRAVE HUMAN CONTACT AND ALSO FOOD PREPARED BY PEOPLE I KNOW :( wouldn't this be more framed around, I don't know, finding a boyfriend or something if that were the case?

Yeah, occasionally I cook, but not like that. That is crazy anal-retentive food made by perfect people with too much time on their hands.
Japanese housewives. Man, I want one.

All right finally we get to it. There it is: "perfect people". There are, of course, any number of ways to analyze this entire fantasy, but here's what I believe to be the actuality of her subconscious in this case:
Firstly I'd like to note that her view of "perfect people" isn't the common weeaboo archetype of Japanese people as a whole, or even all Japanese women: it's specifically Japanese housewives.
Also this goes beyond preferential mate choice of "I'd prefer to marry a Japanese woman," specifically or "I'd prefer to marry an Asian woman" in general. This fantasy seems wholly self contained and married to a culture she is part of, but not native to, that I suspect this fantasy wouldn't work with a woman of any other ethnic identity. This is noted particularly in her vocabulary choice: nori has a perfectly working word in English (seaweed), but she opted not to use it, ostensibly to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality.
Secondly this fantasy seems divorced from sexual connotations. There is love, but it seems more platonic, even philial, than romantic.
So, in the interest of not running this into the ground, I'd like to propose that she wants to be the Japanese housewives and that last sentence would probably do better with word "be" (as in "I want to be one"). Of course, knowing this is impossible as she, no matter how ingrained into the culture, will never be Japanese (hence the degredation of "I can't cook like that"), so we have a simple projection fantasy where she desires to be with herself in another form.
And there's my master thesis. I have entitled it: "female weeaboos in the wilds of the internet and the projection of persona".
So how about that? Come for the jokes, stay for the amateur essays on psychology.

GREENSKINS! PURGE THE BEASTS!

Keeping with my theme of title = Warhammer quote today.
Today might be a short entry because this guy seems really boring, and he was the most interesting one I could find after constant surveillance.
Even though I believe this guy to be a man, he's still a cunt.

Should I be nervous? You know, turning twenty-three?

TERRIFIED. BIG TWENTY-THREE, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY OLD!
Quit your job, go to a retirement home, buy sweater vests, take up golf. You're practically dead.
You better qualify this with something because if you seriously think being twenty three means you're old you are the biggest cunt I have ever heard of.

I wanted to be done with school before I turned thirty, but that doesn't look like it's going to pan out.

So I take it you're majoring in medicine or law?

My entire life has somewhat been devoted to the arts. Not in the sense that I can create great art, but more of a wanting to create art.

Oh. So you're devoted in no way beneficial to anyone. Good.
Better throw away what sounds like a hopeful career as a paralegal to pursue something you've thought about maybe getting into. You know, because it'll work out just like the movies.

Even this whole writing thing that has consumed my life for the past few years isn't a guaranteed money maker, but it's the life that I've grown accustomed to.

What I don't even--

Yesterday I walked home from work and ran into George, Danny, and Nikki. We talked for a while--jokes and other fun stuff. We talked serious, too; about work, money, and other things that suck.

Wow sounds really interesting.

Though I was extremely flattered, two things are wrong with the situation: one, I could dig into my Asian American Studies background and say that by her perceiving my "gorgeous" looks to my ethnic background, she is in fact a racist;

Yeah don't take a compliment you putz.

Penny-Arcade Expo was amazing.

PENNY ARCADE. I knew I didn't like you.

Life is like God of War,

Oh so it's like a Spartan captain accepting a quest from Athena to kill Ares?
Yeah it really is a lot like that, come to think of it.

it's all about timing and precision.

Ah. That as well. I don't know what kind of boring fuck life you lead but Athena sends me on quests to kill mythical entities all the time.

fight the minitaur

Minotaur*
Minitaur would be a small bull.
See Minotaur comes from Minotaurus, literally "the Bull of Minos"
... Look up the story of Theseus you illiterate twat.

I saw Sex in the City with my mother before I left Burbank.

Oh, so that makes you gay?

There's a part where Sara Jessica Parker's character wants to restart her life, so she dies her hair brown.

Dyes*

I'm going through a phase where I feel like nothing is worth posting, but I'm going to post anyway.

Most people would say "so I'm not going to post" but nope, not you.

So, the Olympics.

Surprised you spelled that one right, honestly. You seem a little uncomfortable with the Jeopardy category "words with Greek origins".

Dragonball Z: Shin Budokai, the thorn in my side.

You can't beat the AI in a fighting game? Holy shit my mom, who has never played a video game beyond Animal Crossing since the Atari days can kick the shit out of the highest difficulty AI in any fighting game.
Quit video games now you're no good at them.

I can't stand my voice right now. But not my voice, as in my voice that I speak with--which is annoying as it is--, but my style of writing.

Wow that must be really tough for you.
Try writing better. That always helped me.

Eye of Judgment is difficult for me.

I think I have a game more your speed, friend. It's called "Elmo Teaches Counting".

Am I the only one who realized that peeing is really poetic?

I'm going to let you finish this thought before I call you an idiot.

It's like a burst of emotions; all of this pressure is removed and you have this overwhelming feeling of relief.

You're a moron.

So I'm writing this essay about the representation of Asian Americans in film and how they represent racial stereotypes and how we should have positive Asian American role models.

Positive Asian role models in film.
Well off the top of my head, Bruce Lee, Toshiro Mifune, stop there that's all you need. You know I've heard this bullshit rhetoric before and the only examples anyone can ever pull are all from the 30s, which let's face it, unless you're white and a man you were basically maligned.
He'd probably be offended, too, at my suggestion that Bruce Lee and Toshiro Mifune are postive role models. Yeah why would you want to be a total badass who kicks the shit out of everyone?

What is that? Cum Lade? Is that how you spell it?

Laude* Jesus Christ.
You and dead languages, huh?
Somehow you manage to spell "Budokai Tenkaichi" right but you miss "Cum Laude" and "Minotaur"?
Well that's it. That's his entire blog.
I skipped about fifteen boring as fuck entries but I figure no one will fault me on that.

Fuck it

Today is the day before Thanksgiving and people won't shut the fuck up about World of Warcraft. When did that expansion come out? It was last week, right? So why are people still going on about it-- ugh.
But praise be to Allah that there's this blog.
From a Texan, no less.
I fucking hate Texas. If a Texas-shaped meteor hit Texas, ignoring for a moment the fact that the impact would destroy most of the solar system, the world would be better off.
Seriously, name one good thing that came from Texas.
See? You can't do it.
I'd say "give it back to the Mexicans," but to be honest I'm not sure they'd want it back. I know I wouldn't.

When my membership expired at the Bikram Yoga studio in north Austin where I’ve been practicing for the past year, I decided to take advantage of the *newcomer special* at my old studio, located further west.

What is Bikram Yoga?
Just kidding I don't care. To me Yoga is code for "I'm too much of a huge faggot to take Tai Chi." Tai Chi is for men. It may seem like it's for old men (because the kind they teach in America is) but real Tai Chi is basically Kung Fu times a million.
At least that's what the movie "Twin Warriors" starring Jet Li taught me. I'm not really sure if that's true or not but goddamn.

The 90 minute classes at both studios are identical in that we do the same 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises every day.

Imagine that. Yoga is the same no matter where you are.

But I grew to like and trust most of the instructors to the point I even felt comfortable showing them my blog and being open about my job as a stripper, which they totally *get* and have always been really casual about.

I think I have an appropriate reaction to this hold on.
This update suddenly became incredibly awesome.

I’ve also grown to really enjoy the students I see every day, one of them in particular, a 54 year old woman with the body, face, and spirit of a much younger person, really lit up my mornings with her humor and our rapport.

This has to be the most eloquent stripper ever. I cannot believe this shit.
Usually I just read straight through but for the sake of intrigue I'm going to click the "stripper" tag because that's what I want to know about.

They say life isn’t a destination but a journey.

That's very true (not really).

His fiancée just divorced British royalty, so god only knows what my ex's and her combined million$ amount to now, but suffice it to say their *journey* will be first class all the way.

No wonder he didn't want to meet you again. Fuck some stripper in Austin he has money to spend.

Meanwhile I can’t afford a decent gynocologist visit or the mamograms I'm supposed to be getting, not to mention a facial or massage, much less the extensive nip/tucks I’m quite sure his flawless beauty has already had.

What can I say? I roll the dice and usually come up with furry #15, but sometimes I hit the lottery and find the one that writes itself. The reason I reacted to "stripper" is not because hurrr stripper but because I knew from the get go this would be filled with incredibly awesome stories that she probably shouldn't be telling everyone within earshot.

I’ll age as gracefully as possible while hunched over my laptop, typing out my blood, sweat and tears, for years and years to come, while also competing with younger and younger strip club beauties for the privilege of grinding 3 days a week on the laps of various horny strangers, fending off their wandering hands and misbehaved tongues and ridiculous invitations, while Mr. & Mrs. Fabulously Wealthy travel the world in the utmost luxury, dripping in diamonds, dining on caviar, and making love in the most elaborate suites of the finest hotels on the planet.

When I had to come up with a title for my blog it was between "Edie Finds a Corpse" and this paragraph right here. Longest title in history I understand, but still I think it has a certain ring to it. "I'll Age As Gracefully As Possible..." or IAGPWHOLTOMBSTYYCWACWYAYSCBPG3DWLVHSFWHMTRIWMMFWTWULDDDCMLMESFHP for short.

I know I’m full of self-pity here. And that it’s actually part of my journey to get over these bitter feelings… to be forced to suck it up as I watch this painful, heart-wrenching in-flight horror movie of their relationship...

It probably goes without saying, but when someone says "I know I'm..." and then they continue to go on, it doesn't actually validate their bitching. No one wants to hear this shit. "I know I'm full of self-pity here" so why are you posting it? Also this is the third sentence I've caught that I could so easily take out of context that it isn't even worth doing because derp derp.

I’ve spent more time flat on my back lately than I care to remember and since I’m currently, completely, celibate (as opposed to partially?) that’s not nearly as fun as it sounds.

Maybe strippers have a different definition of "celebate" than I but it's either on or its off.

So during my last (3rd) song, a gorgeous, brunette dancer whom I’ve never met, approaches me on stage.

Little known fact but you don't actually need a comma between "gorgeous" and "brunette" because brunette is functioning as a color in this case and you don't need a comma between one adjective and one color word.
Just pointing it out.

“Are those real?!” she asks, beaming with genuine curiosity and not a trace of typical stripper-competitiveness.

This cannot be real.

Later on I complimented her on her choice of stage music (Danzig!). She thanks me then mentions that one of my nipples has popped free of my favorite red bra. I’m pre-menstrual and in the middle of a week of swollen *Special Boob Days* which means they barely fit into any of my bras and are also probably at least part of the reason she was so impressed by them in the first place.

I was looking through my folder of reaction pictures but I'm not really sure what I should be feeling here.
After much thinking on the subject I've decided this face is always appropriate:

I also need an occasional spinal adjustment to ensure I don’t miss any work, not to mention averting the potential tragedy that some sad, lonely, ex-preacher or recent divorcé be denied the extra-special holiday comfort that is my Amazing Bosom… like a warm-hearted TV special, titled, A Miracle on 34 C’s.

I like you, stripper from Texas. You even have your accent marks in the right place.

The metal padlock on my front door has a brand name etched into the outside face plate.

Yeah? What does it say? If it's Defiant or Faultless you might as well not even bother.

look down to slide in my key and every single time misread the word FAULTLESS as FRUITLESS.

Don't even fucking bother. Any idiot with a torsion spring and a pick could be through in five seconds.
”Is there any chance we can meet outside of here so I can watch you masturbate?”
Suddenly my previous comments about kung fu seem more appropriate. Why wouldn't you learn some version of "I can punch you and your head explodes" with this line of work? Meanwhile Wonder Stripper here is taking Yoga thinking it does fuck all for this creep who will bury her under his porch.

“Ya know I think we may live near each other,” he continues.

Holy shit he really will bury you under his porch watch out.

This ain’t my first rodeo. I’ve been around the block enough times to make an entire Cirque du Soleil troupe dizzy.

I was about to say "please work another cliche into this" but I'm not sure the second one is a cliche. I'm not even sure it makes sense-- why would a Cirque du Soleil troupe get dizzy by you-- I don't know.

It’s working its magic as I experience the skin outbreaks that come from the release of 41 years of stored toxins and excess testosterone, not to mention the occasional bursts of repressed anger also known to be stored in one’s liver.

41 year old stripper.
So that's where anger is stored. I thought it was a chemical reaction in the brain but I'm not taking Bikram Yoga.

Or maybe I just related to her, in this strange duality I still sometimes feel about my desire to be of service with my desire to sometimes smack some sense into the world.

What.
A duality is a division of two mutally exclusive or contradictory groups. You could serve by forcing it to make sense. It is, therefore, not a duality at all.

It's magnificent really. Like some profound & esoteric, color-coded, heavenly message from the almighty god of gum... saying what, I do not know. Anyone?

All right, stripper. I said I liked you earlier but now that's starting to wear thin.
Actually I'm starting to get a headache. Something about "profound and esoteric" is starting to grind my shit.
Fuck it. There's your Wednesday update.

Writan

Typical annoying cunt today. Nothing big.

BIG HUGE GIGANORMOUS News that I can't tell you about yet....book related....

Oh you got published. Congrats. That's a difficult feat (he lied).

Cold front coming in. After the cortizone shot, my hip has been about 75% better...all that came crashing down today, lol. Slapped a lidoderm/lidocaine patch on there, so hopefully it will go numb soon. The things one wishes for...

I haven't read the rest of this but I'm already getting used to this type of statement. I imagine she's one of those people who always has some sort of injury (imagined or real) and always over dramatizes it.

Does anyone have experience with a preemie and would you know what this means:
" they closely monitor his degree of oxygen saturation and the possibility of internal hemorrhage in his ventricles" ?

I've heard tell the greatest computer scientists have put their huge nerd brains together and developed something called a search engine, but since Livejournal is apparently your only means to acquire information:
babies who are premature often have underdeveloped lungs, and so they have to monitor the child to make sure her lungs are working properly. The reason they'd be monitoring for a hemorrhage (bleeding) in the ventricle (of the bronchial airways) is because the weight of the child's chest can compress the lungs, which is why they aren't breathing properly, which is why oxygen saturation would be down.
I don't have a premature baby so I guess I'm not qualified to answer this question.

In other news: stopped new medication.

I fucking called it.

Seems one of the 1% FREAK category side effects is hypoaesthesia and facial hypoaesthesia.

... Did you mean hypoesthesia, doctor?

me I lose feeling in my face and arms/hands

Well technically hypoesthesia is the loss of tactile response (reduced feeling of touch) and not actual numbness, but all right you're the doctor.

That's my first medication rule: if it jacks with my mind and thought processes I'm not taking it.

That's funny because that's the exact opposite of my first rule of medication.

If I can't write I won't take it...just not worth it to me.

Yeah people are certainly never better at that when they're obliterated or crazy or anything.

Okay...tonight is writing night. Hoping to get 2 chapters done tonight, but we'll see how it goes.

Oh boy should be quality.

News on Symphony for the Forgotten, and thanks to everyone who has emailed asking about it, the publisher is waiting for the final proof and then it's out...Yay!

Looking this up.

From ancient goddesses and Philistines, Mary Queen of Scots and the French Revolution, to modern country back roads and different worlds….Symphony for the Forgotten, a new horror collection by Angeline Hawkes, takes you on a journey through time and places feared. Fifteen stories of torment and terror await you.

Sounds like bullsh-- I mean the next H.P. Lovecraft.

If the Mayans get proved wrong, hopefully the Republicans can run a strong candidate in 2012. If the Mayans are right, then I guess none of us need worry about politics anymore.

Not even going to repeat myself again. The Mayans didn't predict the apocalypse.
I would think a horror writer would be at least familiar with the difference between a change and the impending end of the world.
It's also worth noting the apocalypse isn't the same as Armageddon. Armageddon comes from this word: מגידו Tel Megiddo, which is a mountain.
There now you can't say you never learned anything from this.

Basically, conclusion is the warranty is running out and things are falling apart as predicted...from here on out, there will be more drugs, surgeries, and, oh, yeah, more drugs. I'm in agony right now...will have to try to do my chapter tomorrow. Scheduled writing tonight is not going to happen.

A good horror writer could probably do something with this but nope not you.

I'm worried my tomaters that we FINALLY are going to...

"Tomaters"? I'm sorry, did you just say "tomaters"?
Tomaters. I just can't get over that.
Did you just get back from the crick where you were doing your wash by any chance?

I dreamed that I was cleaning house and suddenly Cthulhu manifested from under the house.

I wish Cthulhu would eat you. That's what you need. An ancient, unnamed horror eating your mortal shell.

I rebuked Cthulhu in the name of god.

Even in your dreams you suck holy shit that won't work.

My feet are throbbing, my hands are throbbing, I've got 2 ribs on the left side that feel as though someone broke them and they're being turned around, sharp edges out...the back is off the pain scales this morning, and it hurts to move my neck...and the hip and right shoulder are pulsing so loud I can almost hear it...

I bet if I cataloged every small pain I had it would be a list near this long.
Shit anyone's would be. Maybe if you focused on something worthwhile (like becoming a good horror author like you clearly aren't) then maybe you'd feel better.

I'm convinced that people are convinced that Horror is a dirty word....when you break it down from a genre as a whole to subject matter like particular monsters or twilight zone-ish plots suddenly they DO like horror.

... You don't know what horror is at all, do you?
I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries here because I am contending with a published author (fuck me).

You see I'm a gardener. I nurture and grow lots of things. Some of them more amazing than others. God has blessed me with many talents.

Too bad writing wasn't one of them, oh ho.

I would have had half a dozen of them had God saw fit to allow that.

This is such bizarre logic coming from someone whose recent book is about Sumerian (or some shit) gods. What, did God tell you to do that one, too?

With a spinal fusion and steel rods, I can't push the car...so I tell the kids to get out w/their stuff and go sit under a tree off on the other side of the ditch...because now I'm shaking like a leaf [already feeling bad, the heat and no A/C added to the problem...then of course, I had a heat flash....my feet are bright freaking red...]

Well with that Negative Nancy attitude I guess you couldn't push a car. What did the Little Engine That Could say? "I think I can, I think I can!"
While I would continue with this fascinating tale of being stranded in the middle of civilization I have things I'd rather be doing.

YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER!

I knew this one would be a winner when the second entry was entitled "A Couple More Political Things". Great in the current explosive political climate I'm glad I could turn to your leadership, xomomentofzen.
That's some name you have there, by the way.
Immediately I get a taste of her(?) literary tastes, which, like all people on Livejournal, is refined.

English- Finished Troy and got the due date for our essays pushed back until Monday. Such a nice class.

I loved how they threw Aeneas in at the very end in a holding-the-door-open-for-a-possible-seq

uel sort of way. "Do you know how to use a sword?" xD

Lol xD
I honestly don't see why English teachers feel the need to do this. REMEMBER READING THAT ODYSSEY THAT YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T LIKE AND COULDN'T APPRECIATE? WELL HERE'S A MODERN INTERPRETATION. Great.
I haven't read Troy because if I honestly had the urge to read about the Trojan war and its resulting mythology I'd just read the original because I'm sure the modern rehash is unnecessary.
I'd like to see the Aeneid remake, though. Even the original Aeneid felt like Odyssey fanfiction so I can't imagine what a remake of a fanfiction would be like. I'm sure it'd create a black hole.

I've never had anyone call me a political junkie before. My feet were binding themselves in my shoes, I was so happy. :D

I would say that as an insult but sure whatever.

English- Continued to watch Troy. I love our class so hard because every time we watch a movie it's like I'm in an amateur MST3K episode.

I'm not really sure why I thought Troy was a book. I guess because it was an English class. Silly me.
I liked the Troy movie, though. It was a fun movie.
Also I'm sure it was like an MST3K episode. Since you're such a riot in the first place I'm sure you could pull that off.

"Turn off the lights! I feel like I'm at homecoming." LULZ.

Ha, ha... Guess you had to be there.

I HAVEN'T SQUEED THIS LOUD SINCE I WATCHED M. BUTTERFLY!!!

EEEEEEEEEE!!! THIS IS FUCKING AWSOME!!!

Holy shit that actually hurt my head for a second. I almost heard your annoying voice through the internet.

I don't know why I yelled at her so bad.

Cool Boston accent you have there. Seriously who qualifies "yell" with "bad"?

I'm relieved to see things are looking so good for Obama (AND HOW ABOUT THEM HOUSE AND SENATE RACES, AMIRITE?)

Why are you saying a-- fuck it.

NEED MORE SYNONYMS FOR "FRIENDS" THAT DON'T ALLUDE TO THEM BEING FUCK BUDDIES.

Uhh... Amigos, allies, pals, buddies, BFFs, uhh-- fuck you get a thesaurus.

I am too young to vote this time around, so I have to sit at home and trust other people are being awsome and taking advantage of that opportunity.

I'm just taking advantage of knowing how to spell awesome.

- Watch V for Vendetta because midnight tonight is the fifth of November (HOW SWEET IS THAT?)

Ha, ha yeah just like in the movie.
Seriously what is it with people and celebrating Guy Fawkes day? He was a terrorist, basically. Americans really don't get it (saying that as an American even).

"I was hoping I'd see one of you this morning," he said. Yeah, that's right. Keep associating me with work ethic. ;)

Fuh yeah I'm sure he will.

English- DONUT PARTY. FUCK YES. Too bad it was way too early in morning for donuts and by the time I was done with mine I kind of wanted to throw up.

I guess nothing happens in this English class. No reading or learning the English language.

What an asshole. I mean, that's racist, isn't it?

No, assuming someone speaks a language isn't racist. If you said "ay caramba! Let us eat tacos!" because he looks Spanish then yeah. Otherwise you're being an oversensitive cunt.

I ended up not going trick-or-treating on Friday, not because I felt I was too old or anything, but because I couldn't think of a decent costume that was cheap and couldn't be considered cross-dressing.

You are a walking embarrassment. I would be ashamed to even admit I know you.

Abby brought candy to pass around, or really, throw around. My 100 Grand bar hit me in the back of the head.

Good. Too bad it wasn't fired from a high powered rifle.

I just want a couple of my friends to tell me it's a good issue (even if they lie, I don't care) and if they have criticisms or suggestions I'm open, but the glory fades fast and it's not five minutes before the first issue is crumpled and tossed on the floor by some little kid.
Talking about the school newspaper.

Which is fucking insane. Who gives two shits? When I worked on the school newspaper it was basically a mad scramble to finish my articles in a day so I could have the month off so I could cut out early.

Oh, and who gave me the names out-of-order for the caption on the front page? Nicole. Granted I should have known better and double-checked with someone else, but only because Nicole is such an unreliable source.

Ha, ha, ha awesome. It's Nicole's fault, but I should have known better but it's Nicole's fault I even had to check in the first place. Genius.
I remember the editor in chief (some asshole kid I don't know) tried to jump up my ass for having the name captions out of order. "Hey it's your paper chief I just write the articles," and walked off. You have to learn to take less shit from people.

The worst days in Psychology are the days Mr. Bailey tries to debunk evolution.

What fucking school is this where they try to debunk evolution in psychology and watch movies in English?
Oh wait it could have been mine, son of a bitch.

Spanish- Ok, so our workbooks are pretty outdated. It wouldn't be so bad, but whenever they incorporate celebritities' names no one knows who the fuck they're talking about.

That's the best part of a language class. Everyone knows the last time they made any language resource was 1987, meaning if you're still in high school the materials were made at least two years before you were born.

It didn't matter anyway, I guess, because we all had this assembly about underage drinking. A mother of a boy who had drowned after he passed out drunk talked to us for a solid half hour about how her son died.

I only went to those when they had accompanying pictures. I knew the kid who operated the slideshow so I could ask beforehand.

I know some kids need to hear that stuff, but I was so depressed by that point in the day that I just wanted to go home.

Why wouldn't you? It's not like they keep attendance.

The Iliad, or what we were supposed to read of it. I'm always so disappointed when kids die in stories, especially when they're at the end of a bloodline.

What kid? Hector? Patroclus? Forget it. I'm not having this conversation with myself.

I got a couple compliments today, and one freshman in my Spanish class even walked up to me and, after a pause, said, "I like your hair straight."
I thanked her, but I was really thinking Fuck off. DEAR EVERYONE, STRAIGHTENED OR CURLY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!

Fine don't take a compliment you ungrateful cunt.
This has to be the most boring thing I've ever read. I can't believe how goddamn boring her life is.

or will I be walking around saying, "WTF, my generation invented 1337 speak, betch"?

Your generation didn't invent it.

Holy shit, I just read someone's comment that in Will & Grace, Grace Adler's wedding music is the theme to Brideshead Revisited! IS THAT WHY IT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR?

Oh man, did you know my initials are an anagram for HAG? xD

It's like I'm watching someone descend into madness. I can only imagine she's covered in the blood of her victims while she's writing this.

I just got through the first episode, "Et in Arcadia Ego"--And in... Something Something?--and I can't stop squeeing over Charles Ryder/Sebastian Flyte. Seriously. I keep making weird squeaky noises. xD

Oh gag. You are disgusting. Also "Et in Arcadia Ego" means "Even in Arcadia, I Am." Or it could be "I, too, was an Arcadian"goddamn I'm not here to teach you Latin. It's a painting, you uncultured twit. Maybe instead of making annoying noises and making everyone around you miserable you should read a book or do something constructive?
Well I guess that's it. This was a weird entry for me. Her constant hopping from one thought to another with no transitions made this difficult.