I have waited long for this day

By "long" I mean "since Friday" because holy fuck people, you have to be more conductive to interesting entries. I sat around for about an hour looking for a good blog to riff on, and I came to the conclusion that to be even the least bit amusing I'd have to expressly not post about whatever blog I found. I considered doing that, or perhaps even revisiting one of the old favorites, but that felt like cheating. Rehashing.
Praise be for this glorious day, though. Chiquitachica (some name you have there) brings the proverbial goods.
Anno Domini Two Thousand and Eight, December 29.

Santa Claus. IF I ever have kids, I don't want to teach them to believe in Santa Claus.

Smart, really. Superstitions are stupid. Really, to me, it sends them the completely wrong message. It compels them to do good for some external reward rather than wanting to good for the sake of doing good. It creates disingenuous people.

Ok before you go into hysterics!! Open your mind and listen why...

No I was agreeing with you, actually.
I mean I don't necessarily agree that pounding every last ounce of fun out of childhood is a good thing, but hey it's certainly your prerogative.

Yes, I remember the excitement and anticipation of discovering the gifts that Santa brought on Christmas morning. I definitely do not want to deprive my children of that joy.

So we're in agreement still.

But the reason children love Santa Claus so much is that he is the guy that brings the presents. Most children are actually terrified of the physical representation of this guy.

They are?

So, since I am a believer of God, and I believe that God gave His Son as a Gift to the world, and that Jesus was the perfect example and the perfect sacrifice so that anyone who accepts that Gift may spend eternity in Heaven...

Oh boy. Here it is.

I would prefer that my children grow up remembering THAT as the reason that we give gifts to them, and to one another.

Yeah, you know, exactly the original meaning of Christmas.

Instead of writing to Santa, I'd like my kids to pray to God for things.... and instead of thinking that their gifts came from a mythical man in a red suit, I'd like for them to thank God for providing for them, and to know that they are blessed by GOD.

oh so instead of praying to a mythical man who obviously doesn't exist, they'll pray to God who CLEARLY is real. Makes perfect sense.
Also glad to see you're instilling your children with the ability to solve their own problems. No, instead of working to earn what you want instead sit back and really, really hope it comes true because it will. This definitely won't create passive, superstitious fuckwits or anything.

Even non-believers want to believe sometimes. And that makes me smile.

Personally I pray to Moros, daughter of Erebus and Nyx.

God likes it when we pray, no matter what! (but don't forget to say "Thanks" for the things He already gave you)

That's what I like about Moros. No rituals, no symbols, no cult, no followers.
Okay now there's some baby pictures or something. I always like these because I get an indepth look at the person I'm reviewing. It's like an added bonus because they really didn't have to go to all that trouble for my amusement.

I'm pretty sure that in all my time on earth,

All, what, TWENTY TWO years of it or something?

Every time I remember that OBAMA WON... I get a little tiny adrenaline rush and a little rush of excitement. Every time they talk about it on TV the same thing happens.

I don't know. I just have a good feeling about this.

"I just have a good feeling about this." Famous last words if I've ever heard them.
Now there's an entry entitled "some delightful randomness" which I really appreciate the heads up, because I am skipping this bullshit.

A couple of weeks ago my friend Jennifer asked me to take some photos of her pregnant, while she was still pregnant!

Take some photos of her pregnant, while she was still pregnant.
I give up, is this a zen riddle? How can you take pictures of someone pregnant without them being pregnant?
Oh, no wait, I know the answer to this one. I read that some nutty women want to be pregnant so much they actually trick themselves into believing they are, with suitable physical symptoms to match, but they actually aren't. So that way she would, at least in appearance, be pregnant but not actually.
Yes, I am now enlightened.
Looking at these pictures-- white trash tattoo spotted on her right upper arm. Class act, you.

I happen to know, from experience and from not being superficial,

Yeeeeeeeeees?

(and from the BIBLE!) that the opinions of the masses.... i.e. society, "other people," people I don't know, the status quo...

Oh well excuse me, if the BIBLE says it it has to be fucking true, right?
You know, even the parts that talk about the firmament above the Earth and the giants and unicorns and shit like that? All true!

Their opinions do not affect me, nor do they matter. That is not where my value lies, and it is not my source of decision-making. they are not the people I aim to please, in my daily life.

Not true at all! Remember when the vast majority of people believed the earth was flat? They were right! Case closed.

I used to go to a church where everyone acted like they were perfect Christians and never did anything wrong. For one thing, that's totally impossible. We all have sinned, and do sin.

This God fellow, what a jerk. Always judging his followers and calling them guilty and sinners-- that's what I like about Moros. Never judges me, never asks questions. Shit, she doesn't even require followers. I just threw in because I liked the cut of her jib.
Now there's some pictures of her and some other bimbo and some Michael Phelps-look alike but sans the success, fame and money. Also the women.
He also looks impotent (you can tell by looking).
Wow you're kind of fat. I couldn't tell before because you were doing that old Myspace trick of taking all your photos at a downward angle to hide your massive girth but now that someone else is clearly taking the photos they don't lie.
Wait let me check-- no your chin is normal size. I also know girls with HUGE MAN CHINS to do this to hide their huge Lurch jaws.

dear nabisco: when i buy a box of flavored triscuits, why do some of them taste really good, and others just taste like tree bark? love, kaela

A question of the ages. I have oft wondered the same thing about Cheez-Its.

So, if you know me, or read my blog much, you know that I'm not really into politics. I consider myself apathetic. Well, apathetic is really a cover-up for how I really feel, so I don't have to talk about it.

Remember, Kaela: to withdraw in disgust is not apathy.

But what about the part of our country who doesn't belong to any sort of religion? If they don't have a set of religious beliefs preventing them from practicing a lifestyle of homosexuality, then what is really wrong with allowing them to make a lifetime commitment to their same-sex partner?

Hey whoa you're forgetting the absolute best part of Christianity: forcing people who don't agree with you to conform to your own ethics.

Would you argue the same for groups such as Nambla? They too are arguing legalization.

This is a comment someone made.
Also if you can't see the difference between two adults pledging their faith to each other and pederasty, then I think you might want to invest in a dictionary.

So far I have lost FIVE POUNDS!!!

Let us reward ourselves with a large helping of cake, because nothing chases weight loss like a nice slice of cake.
And you know what chases cake down? More cake.

Since I was worried that my child (my dog) might die, I didn't even notice until I got home that a wild pack of CHIGGERS had attacked my underwear area.

Hey, whoa that's racist and-- oh, oh chiggers, ha, ha. I was about to say I didn't expect you to be the type.

Can't other people learn from our mistakes as well, so that they dont have to go through the same struggles?

I think that's the beauty of free will, Kaela. You are free to learn (or indeed not learn) from anything you please.

I would let you win when we play video games.

Chyah like a girl could beat me at any video game.
Also you live in Texas. TEXAS.

Clint recently got married, about 6 months ago, to a girl named C'arron.

Wow that is some name.

crap. i just typed a huge long entry and i accidentally closed it.

HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?
I just pushed closed my eyes, pushed my mouse in the direction towards the close button and clicked it and I still missed. I tried several times and still couldn't achieve this by accident.
Also are you ready for this awesome joke she told?

so on a lighter note, here are some photos from the week.

my face:

LIGHTER AND YOUR FACE TOGETHER IN A SENTENCE? HA, HA, HA, HA GOOD ONE
AH, HA, HA--
Also entry over.

Oh My Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.
The Ramblings of a Teenage Writer, how I loathe this type of blog.

In other news, I finally changed the title of my blog(little long, isn't it? But I like it so meh).

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

Unfortunately, all the scripts for the fanfics I'm currently roleplaying/writing with friends are on the computer at home...

Oh of course. Fanfiction.

So in other words, Ichi-nee is making more one-shots, drabbles and ficlets for fanfics she should be writing the main story for, or series she wants to write fanfics for...XD Orenji would probably kill me if she knew...shh!

No. You didn't just say that.

...my brother really needs to get a lamp for his desk *is writing in the light the TV and monitor is giving off*.

Get your own fucking lamp, Jesus Christ. Or better yet, stop writing. I mean, I haven't read any of it, but I can tell it's atrocious.

Yeah...I got a virus last night. Luckily, knock on wood, I've managed to get rid of it through the powers of Norton, Google and my noggin'.

Yeah getting rid of a virus with antivirus software sure is difficult. I bet you had to click, what, three whole buttons!

x Zero-Rei(Code Geass): Chapter 7 at 2% completion.

More like Code GAYASS, Am I right, guys? Huh?

And in some not-so-nice news...I just learned there are plans to make a Cowboy Bebop movie with Keanu Reeves as Spike...Kami help us.

Kami meaning, of course, God, or as she used it specifically, a god or spirit. Usually when people say "God" they're referring specifically to the Judeo-Christian God, so that'd be more like "Kami-sama" in Japanese, but can't expect proper grammar from weeaboo FAGGOTS, can I?

*waddles off to build a shrine to Dragonball, Cowboy Bebop and any other animes that will fall to Hollywood*

Waddle is right, you fat fuck. Yeah that's right, eat more cupcakes fattie.

Well, now that I don't have an exam tomorrow, back to fanfics I go! Bonzai!

Actually wouldn't that be "Banzai"? Forget it.

It'll definatetly be done in the next few days

I'd probably mention here that if this had been Japanese she would have spelled that perfectly, but based on what I've seen so far I doubt she would have spelled it right in either language.
You suck at speaking. You are one of those rare mutants who was apparently meant to never speak.

but if I do well on the last assignment I can get a final grade of 70 even if I get a 50 on the exam, so that's good at least.

And that is satisfactory, and that is passing. Way to go, Maple_tea. Way to strive.

YU YU HAKUSHO! YU YU HAKUSHO! YU YU HAKUSHO! HIEI IS CRAZY, KILLER, THREE-EYED MIDGET LOVE! WHEE! ♥♥♥♥♥

I just seriously had a cold shiver down my spine.

I still love you Hiei, even though you'd probably hate me if you were real...

This Hiei sounds like a reasonable fictional character.

I failed an assignment...oops?

Oops! What else are you doing, goddamn? I goof on the idiots around me for getting drunk and sucking dick in the bathroom instead of doing what they're supposed to be doing in college, like, you know, graduating, but at least they can claim to have done something. You, on the other hand, I doubt very much find yourself in such a situation.
So what were you doing instead of passing your writing assignments?
Don't you claim to be a writer? I'd be ashamed to fail a writing assignment.
Ashamed.

Back to school work I go...save me, Kami-sama D:

Yeah, see, you're getting it! You're really getting it!
Interesting, however, that you'd choose to pray to the Christian God (a non-Japanese God if I may say so) while using Japanese epithets instead of just praying to, say, Izanagi or Izanami, or, realistically, Amaterasu. Then you could claim to be Shinto then I could really go off on you for being a weeaboo cunt.
But, no, you can't even do that properly.

Read Paradise Lost for English Seminar on Monday (This is going to be funnnnnnn).

Ha, ha, ha you're fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked.
Apparently she draws as well (real renaissance, err, woman) but unfortuantely her account is set to private, so I'd need a password to get in. Don't worry, I wouldn't let you down, faithful readers, so I tried to brute force it. After literally three guesses I had been defeated.
In conclusion, Maple_tea, you are a very naughty person. This blog is offensive to all human senses and probably several more besides.
There's a feeling I sometimes get like after watching all 90 minutes of Turkish Star Wars or Begotten. It's a "WHAT HAVE I DONE!?" nihilist feeling. That's kind of the feeling I get after reading this blog.
Many moons ago I read Hawthrone's Ethan Brand. In this story, he wrote extensively about the "unpardonable sin" and at the time I couldn't imagine something like that. Mostly because the concept of sin itself seemed rather silly to me, but that's not my point.
Well now I fucking know. Litfags may say "oh well it's searching for the unpardonable sin" or something like that, but they don't know the truth.
The truth is, Maple_tea, reading your blog is the unpardonable sin.
It's true, too. It's in the Bible. "And yon author of Edie Findeth A Corpse beheld Maple Once Underscored Tea's internet journal, and he trembled, for yea, he knew damnation was eternal." Straight from Leviticus, friend. Read it sometime.

Typing on the Internet

It always cheers me up when someone runs to Livejournal to report their life's great victories, because ten times out of ten I've done better than they, and I didn't even have to tell anyone about it. I'm basically a pro at everything, is where I'm going with this.
So when Samantha (I love being on first name basis with anyone I'm reviewing) reports that she got 3 Bs and one A I laughed.

I am trying to enjoy my time off, sadly though I have had to spend most of it so far in the mall.

Oh holy shit woe is you, you had to spend time in the mall. There is no other place to purchase gifts.

I want to hand out soap to people in the mall, and explain to them how to use it.

It's like you've been on a different planet and are just now getting used to people. They're stupid, rude, and usually smell bad. Welcome.

Mel and I were playing some Sonic and then later on I was playing my Super Nintendo for the first time since we moved here, it was awesome!

Wow you have a Sega and a Super Nintendo? You're the coolest kid in 1993!
Do you know that one guy who always talks about shit you don't know about like the Turbo Grafx 16? Fuck that guy. He's a dick.

Well, my brother finally got his tattoo tonight. He got a wolf with flames surrounding it, and it looks awesome.

Holy shit I set out to review a douche and I found the coolest family ever. A wolf and flames? This just needed a Chinese character and a tribal band around it to complete the triumvirate (triumvirate is three, not four, boss) to officially be the coolest tattoo ever.
In case I wasn't sufficiently sarcastic before, your brother's tattoo is fucking stupid and he's going to regret that around the same time the permanence of it sets in.

Next semester looks to be a boring one, but a plus is my schedule is pretty awesome.

This sentence doesn't even make sense to me. Boring is never awesome, no matter how close your classes are together. I suppose you could be counting your blessings, like I did this semester, in fact, because holy shit at least I don't have Literary Theory at 8 in the goddamn morning.

Which I don't mind other then the fact that won't happen until I am thirty something, and I don't want to wait that long to start my life.

Other than*
Seriously how did you make it this far without knowing the difference between "then" and "than"?

It's hard enough at twenty three convincing myself that I am not a loser for not having a job right now, I can't see being able to convince myself at thirty.

I'd say you're the biggest winner of all. While those other fags are working their asses off you get to watch TV and go to school. As I understand it, once this work thing starts it doesn't stop until you're too old to enjoy not having to work, so you might as well have fun now, unless you have an awesome scheme to become independently wealthy.
Also hedging your bets on the lottery is not a scheme.

In other events I am kind of blond now.

Uhh...

What I mean by that is I got a shit load of blondish highlights, and I along with some others think it actually looks blond; however there are those who believe it to be another shade of brown.

"those that believe"? What, is your hair color a mystery religion now?
You know they say Orpheus learned the secret of life and death in his journey to the underworld...

I also am trying to be a truthfull person no matter the result of it, I am funny, I am smart, and I am as loyal as they come.

I think they have a word for people like you.
"Truthfull (sic) no matter the result of it," huh? What that tells me is you're one of those people who often starts sentence with "sorry but," followed by something horrible no one wanted to hear. Then you feel self important because you told the truth, and telling the truth is important.
Telling the truth is rarely as important as how you tell it, which I can tell, based on your grasp of language, is a foreign concept to you.

I am human and I can't change that no matter how much I may want to at times.

Oh then you rationalize everyone hating you for being an annoying cunt by saying you're "just human". Not good enough.

I understand how hard it is to watch someone be so much less then they are.

Care to explain that one? How can someone be "less" then (sic) they "actually are"? Wouldn't someone only be what they are? How can you be anything but what you actually are?

I have no answers to how you handle that.

I guess self improvement is out of the question.

I just have to pray that it will all work out in the end,because again I am human just like everyone else.

Ha, ha, that's it. Pray. Ohh I hope one day I'll stop being an annoying cunt~
You seem the type to be superficially religious, so let me tell you something I heard once: "the Lord helps those who help themselves."

No better or worse.~

Compared to whom?
I'd say you're a lot worse than most people.

Apparently I would rather appear to be a cold hearted bitch, than a stupid pathtic girl when talking about my past relationship with will.

No, stop. You, being a bitch?
I refuse to believe it.

I am defently the bitter fuck who just got her heart broken right now. I invison differnt ways of hurting or killing people.

Whoa. Easy. Also you broke up with him, so why are you bitter?

I just got banbared with phone calls, voice mails, and text messages at three something in the morning.

Banbared. Bombarded, Banbared. Close enough. You know you have fucked up when spell check can't even recommend the right word.

First he tried that angry messages,and when that didn't work then he tried the pitty messages, and finally the I love you message followed up by please don't throw me away.

Anger, grief, repentance, followed by the harsh reality: I was better off without that stupid bitch anyway.

Words like void, insignfcant, and emtpy constantly come to mind these days when thinking of myself.

So made up words?

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could lay all their cards on the table and no one would look down on them, no one would bully them, and the ones you wanted to care would?

I'd still say something mean because I'm a dick.

I am tired of having to protect myself all the time, but if I dont people will destroy me, and no I am no being dramatic when I say that.

Actually you are, come on now. You'd only be destroyed if you'd let others do it. Quit playing the victim.

I feel stripped of just about everything.

No, if you had been, you wouldn't be nearly as evasive as you are.

Earlier I was talking to my dad about my life and how much of a straight up screw up I feel like these days.

Straight up screw up.

Thats my nature to just surrender and hope for it to be quick.

No you're never dramatic.

This time around *knock on wood* I find myself with a totally differnt out look on it all.

This is something like the seventh time you've done this. It's spelled "different". At first I wrote it off as a typo, but now I'm not so sure.

They can't make my whole life shit I wont give anyone that power anymore.

Jesus Christ you're 23 and just now realized you are the one in control of your emotions?
Samantha, if I may be so bold, you're easily manipulated. I bet I could scam you out of most of your money in fifteen minutes.
I bet you watch those shows like Crossing Over with John Edwards and really believe he can talk to the dead.
I bet you believe in things like fate and love at first sight, ostensibly because it's "romantic" but in reality because it provides a convenient excuse for your own ineptitude.
Here's my advice to you, Samantha: embrace the philosophy of the strong. It's you. You are in control of your emotions. You won't feel bad if you don't let others make you feel bad. If someone "made" you feel bad, you made yourself feel bad.
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, either.

Non of which I am all that intersted in except my friends. Feel void of anything real or important.

You seem to have a lot of trouble with words like "interested" and "different". I think you might pronounce them like this, too. Maybe a speech therapy class would make you feel better about yourself. Talk less like an idiot, be less like an idiot.

I guess I am bitching because I feel alone and without any real joy. Things could always be worse though~

"Well I'm a miserable cunt and know no joy, but it could be worse~"
I really can't imagine how. You might as well be dead at that point.

So today was Robin and Lisa's two year anniversary and we celbrated by going to Hershey park.

There's that 'e' thing again.

Everyone should be very proud of me because I went on two water slides,two logflumes, and four roller costers.

Are you fucking serious? Everyone should be proud of you?
Hey Samantha: fuck you.

The reason isn't because I merly did these thing no the reason is because I over came my fear of heights somewhat today.

Merly. That sentence is a mess anyway, who am I kidding?
Also maybe you took my "embrace the philosophy of the strong" thing (retroactively somehow) a bit too far. Don't mistake your new found empowerment for anyone caring. People are still stupid, rude and smell bad.
Well Samantha, I've enjoyed reading your blog. You're a character, all right. Take that how you will.

Oh Yeah

This thing I update sometimes.
I think I found a winner because this person has Final Fantasy 12 stamped all over their blog.
Of course it could have been nearly any video game and I still would have done it, but for some reason FF12 is a particular offense to my sight.
It's not that it was a bad game. Quite the contrary-- for a Final Fantasy in the double digits it's probably the best.
If you're unfamiliar, one look at the art can confirm one thing for you: everyone dresses like they're blind.

I finished exams yesterday. I really did not study for the last one, but it was more of an essay type exam anyway.

Oh wow don't give a shit.

I mostly sat there the entire day before the last exam watching youtube vids of male models douching around in their underwear and watching a bit of Hackers, which I might add, is hilariously bad.

Wow sounds really lame. Why would you willingly watch Hackers? That's a movie you watch on a bet (or, preferably, not at all, because winning that bet would be not watching it).

I did not realize this fact when I first watched it as a kid.

Yeah, well, you like a lot of stupid shit when you're a kid. It's part of being a kid.

You are now remembering the scene in Home Alone where the snow is falling and Kevin looks out his window and Old Man Marley is hugging and reuniting with his family after all those years. He waves at Kevin and Kevin waves back happily.

MANUALLY! LOL! Die.

I nearly feel asleep about 3 times, twice at a desk in the library and once while I was just lying on the ground in the hallway. Boringest day ever.

I know you probably did that to be cute (or grind my shit, which is your real reason for doing this. All of this, that is), but take it easy.

...HOLY SHIT, is this what I call a post? I feel like I used to be kind of funny, now I'm just uninspired.

Wow. I was worried I was losing my spark after 60 something updates of this drivel, but if you were "kind of funny" then I'm goddamn Groucho Marx.

Maybe I should take up creative writing.

Don't. I took a creative writing class and it was just a bunch of bullshit and made me a bitter cynic when it came to writing.
... That is, more than I already was.
Although maybe that's what you need. People with a positive outlook on life are rarely funny. I'm not saying you have to be a flaming emo fag because those people aren't funny either, you should probably exhume the air of being bitter and not giving a shit about it, like you're gleeful about it.
It's very hard to pull off convincingly, believe me. You'd probably be better off just failing it up constantly and leaving it to the pros to do something with it.
You know, exactly like what's happening right now.

YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS ARE FLICKERING AWAY LIKE A GODDAMN SINGLE CANDLE IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT.

No, no, friend, you're going the wrong direction.

So I actually got tickets to the So You Think You Can Dance Canada tour. I'm lame, but THAT'S OKAY.

Well at least you know it.

Also, I saw Twilight today. It wasn't as horrible as the trailers would lead one to believe, but it was kind of boring on account of the fact that the main characters have no personality.

That sounds fucking awful. I'd like to see what you define as a really horrible movie.
Ha, ha yeah, wait a minute. Hackers is kind of mediocre and Twilight isn't that horrible? What's a shit sucker, then? Do you have to go straight to the Gigli bin for that?
Next there's a story involving dialog so there's no less than five "so I was like..." and I'm not reading that.

I realize I'm coming off like an asshole to anyone who's a fan of the series,

Good. They should feel bad for liking stupid things.
Now there's a long post about "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" which I didn't think anyone lame was allowed to read. At least, that's how I understood it as a child.
I guess I was mistaken.

Which bands do you think will be classics in 20-30 years? The kind that pretentious, arrogant teenagers will like?

Hopefully none of them.

I've got to say that I was listening to the new Coldplay songs just now (which are damn good)and I'm certain many of their songs will be classics in the future.

Oh that's a dark thought for the future.
In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only Cold Play.

I'm just thinking about whether or not there's any possibility of Linkin Park being a classic.

Holy shit.

Anyone else have Windows Vista? Any idea how to turn off the constant security scans that just gum up the works and make the computer run like a pile of shit?

This is kind of funny in light of your later post "I am an expert at technology". I guess expertise doesn't extend as far as navigating the control panel, eh? Now there's a fairly competent sketch of a character from Final Fantasy 12. Clothing is... Surprisingly logical for a Final Fantasy character, seems in proportion, perspective stays consistent-- this is a good drawing.
Wow that felt funny to type.
This is good.
This is good.
Hmm, no this isn't right at all.
Now she's posted more of her drawings and shit, and I have to give credit where credit's due.
She's pretty good at it.
This is kind of a surreal moment for me, actually. I never expected talent from one of these things. I guess that goes to show occassionally dog shit will have some bits of corn in it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: 3 eps. :\ It's no Cowboy Bebop. Kind of confused as to why people think this is the best anime ever. Seems like the regular FIGHTAN ROBOTZ thing.

Err maybe you watch TV shows for a different reason (girl reason no doubt) than I, but "fighting robots" is pretty much top of the list for "do watch". In fact if there was anything to fault Evangelion about (and there is a ton, don't get me wrong) "not enough fighting robots" would probably be number one through three on my list, followed by "all of the main characters are whiny cunts", which would be items four through seventeen.

p.s. Other favorites or mine are Wolf's Rain, Samurai Champloo, Haibane Renmei, Elfen Lied, shit like this. Basically, good animation/art but a well-done/interesting storyline is most important. REEECCC MEEEE SOOOMEE. I will love you.

Ha, ha anime.
Your problem is you only like shit made within the last five years when everyone knows all the good shit happened in the 80s.

Is... is it that weird? I know my classmates are younger than me. I know it's another year of HIGH SCHOOL.

So let me see if I understand this. In Canada you can opt to take another year of high school (uhh, why?) and not only did you decide that it might be a good idea, you actually did it.
To me, that's like saying "you can cut off your left hand with no benefit to you" and actually thinking "hey yeah I should do this."
That's fucking stupid and you should probably take that to the grave with you.
That's it. That's what I have for today.

M

When you have a user name like "Skater_Boi_82" it piques my attention. What kind of tool factory names themselves, of all things, Skater_Boi_82? 82 as in 1982, as in the year you were born, as in old enough to know better.
First entry entitled "My ROFLCOPTER goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi". Yeah, I found a winner.

In doing so, they decided to use Adobe's (Microsoft's?) voice reader on some of the passages.

It's called Microsoft Sam, friend. Search for "Text Aloud" on your computer. It's probably there. Then you, too, can exploit every lame World of Warcraft guild Vent server's jokes.
ROLFCOPTER SOI SOI SOI LOL SO RANDUM xD
Die in a fire.

If you've ever watched an episode of Arby and the Chief, you know that this all sounds exactly like the Master Chief is sitting over there reading it. I've been sitting here all morning trying not to laugh.

Yeah I'm going to need a few days to break this secret Nazi code.
Arby and the Chief?
Eagle six four this is Lander one nine two--

So November 19 came, and with it came by far the Xbox 360's most significant firmware update yet.

Significant being a relative term, of course, because I still haven't updated yet.
In fact I'm not sure my Xbox has been on since November 19th.

Firstly, everything looks different. There has been an effort to merge functionality with aesthetics in a way that clearly steals from Apple, from increased menu responsiveness to cover-flow.

Oh so it works like a piece of shit and is driven by moon logic?

Then there's the ability to create Mii-like avatars, which is a fine distraction for those who choose to persue it.

After reading all this I'm starting to wonder what was wrong with the old browser. Admittedly it wasn't the greatest thing ever. Simple tasks like deleting old saves were often not hidden beneath wave after wave of features you'll never use. Networking it to a computer was an involved process that included generating keys you had to enter into the Xbox and your computer. I (still) get frequent disc read errors when the system is feeling bitchy.
OF COURSE THESE THINGS PROBABLY AREN'T FIXED. I JUST GET TO MAKE A STUPID AVATAR.

So. I figure this would be a good Christmas to get a decent digital camera. The one I have now is second hand crap, so almost anything would be an upgrade. Any recommendations for this n00b?

I suggest acting like an adult number one, and number two let me Google this for you, you simpleton.
On November 10th he gives his Bioshock status report, continuing with a litany of posts no one gives a shit about. Real timely on that Bioshock thing too, by the way. That game definitely isn't a year old now or anything.
Now there's three entries regarding the monumental task of choosing a plasma television. This is riveting entertainment, folks.

So if you updated your Wii this last week (v3.4), you will now be unable to install homebrew.

I had trouble sleeping last night. I now know why.

The paradox of this update is that if you install it, your homebrew experience will be crippled (can't install WADs, but HBC still works mostly), while if you don't install it, the Wii Shop Channel won't work, and your homebrew will be fine.

That's not a paradox. That's called a duality. Also I'm sure while you wasted 15 minutes typing this there was a work around or a patch to your homebrew released.
Seriously you must be new to this whole piracy thing. Allow me to help you out:
when in doubt, wait fifteen minutes. It'll correct itself.

I'll also say that if you're going to try the newly translated Mother 3 on the Wii, I recommend you look at VBA GX 1.0.3 (newest release).

Or I could, you know, dump it to a flash cart and play it on my actual Gameboy.
That's just me, though.

So. This weekend I finished EarthBound for the first time.

Major life accomplishment achieved.

This has been a personal goal for many years, but not one I've always been proactive about persuing.

Jesus, years? Earthbound is an easy game, friend. I can't imagine if someone plugged you into a Megaten game, or a Might and Magic game, or, God forbid, Wizardry.

I found the cartridge at Electronics Boutique back in 2003, but at the time I'd hit saturation on retro RPGs.

I like how he has about five posts devoted to piracy and the fine usage thereof but insists on buying an actual Earthbound cartridge and playing on an actual SNES. Somehow, based on his language, taste and views of gaming he's recently into it and trying to go back and play everything he missed as a child to achieve the proper "hardcore" status but by my reckoning he is now... 26 years old and all of his peers don't give a shit because they have work and bills and ladies to kiss on the lips and shit.

Knowing what I know now, I regret that it has taken me so long to play this game, especially with this spoiler universe known as the internet.

Yeah wouldn't want anyone to spoil that 15 year old game for you.

And while I know that I'm late to the party on this whole homebrew front, some of the recently released apps has made the experience worth mentioning.

Only a decade or two.

For me, Big Spring Jam is almost ubiquitous with high school, with the better acts including Pain, Jimmy's Chicken Shack, and Curbside Service.

I think you need to look up "ubiquitous" because I don't think it means what you think it means.
Speaking of "words people don't know" he's now linking me to an article about spelling.

People who have trouble with spelling are punished when it comes to applying for jobs or even filling out forms, even though their mistakes are far from unusual, says Jack Bovill, chairman of the British-based Spelling Society, an international organization that has advocated simplified spellings since 1908.

Yes, welcome to the fucking species. You are punished for not knowing things you should know. I wasn't coddled through my math classes so you babies aren't going to be coddled through spelling. Tough fucking shit. No one would dare suggest such a thing about math. "Well four is close to five, so how about that be right too?"

"In the 21st century, why learn by heart rote spelling when you can just type it into a computer and spell-check?" he asks.

Have you seen your spell check, friend?

Justin went with me yesterday to search for a decent alarm clock/radio.

Sounds like a wild time.
As is often a problem with these fucking things I find myself making excuses not to read it. There is absolutely no excuse to bang on for three entries about a plasma TV purchase. My life is boring as fuck and yet somehow I manage to be entertaining when I'm typing for an audience. I do that mostly by not talking about myself ever. I know people don't want to hear about the monumental decision of arming my space marine devastators with heavy bolters instead of missile launchers so I don't fucking say it.
Except, of course, in examples where I say exactly that.
I guess people feel they have to fill the void with something otherwise they're boring and their lives are meaningless but to me, an outsider, your blogs just highlight the fact that the world wouldn't mourn your passing.
I know I've said it before (and people have said it to me) if it's boring just don't read it, but then I wouldn't have anything to bitch about.
Besides it's on the internet, presumably for the purpose of being read by others.
So no, Skater_Boi_82, fuck you and your boring life. Make more interesting posts.
Shit, if I had one of those life story blogs I'd make shit up to seem more interesting. When people say "reality is stranger than fiction" they don't mean your reality, because you are a boring pleb who goes to a boring cubicle all day and shuffles papers.
In fact, mine would be so well written and filled with clever conceits it would be impossible to tell which parts were reality and which were lies but, rest assured, it'd be 90% fiction.

Persona 4 is out, fags

Best be going to your Gamestop and getting that shit.
You can thank me later.
So today is our typical weeaboo, which felt appropriately hypocritical after my PSA about Persona 4.
Although, no, wait, this isn't a regular weeaboo, this is a super weeaboo.
JLPT is, for those of you not familiar with Japanese, the Japanese Language Proficiency Test. Basically you take a ton of tests to prove you're fluent so you can be a translator.
A translator of anime, of course, because there isn't any other possible translator job related to Japanese.

You might not be able to stick to it, but you should at least try. I forced myself to learn 50 vocab words a day plus 3 to 4 grammar points.

Ha, ha there's no way you retained 50 new words. You must have a super memory.

It's partly for my own benefit--the next time I take the JLPT, I want to study better instead of harder.

Maybe it's my limited fucking understanding of how languages work, but it's basically impossible to study better. Your only option is to slave through it.

Skip the reading questions and go directly to the grammar questions. Answer them as quickly as possible.

Exactly what you want to do with grammar: answer as quickly as possible. Don't spend any time because God forbid a grammar test is never knit-picky.

If you can't, just guess and move on.

You are the best grammarian ever. JUST GUESS.
I bet her next tip is "pray. Pray everything turned out okay."
Of course now I see why she's doing this sheer madness of attempting to learn 500 words in a single day. She signed up for this test October 6, the test being a little under two months later.
At her current skill level on October 6, she had to learn 4000 words by December.
Good job pacing yourself, boss.
Her current method of study? Why, to put words she saw in a video game into an electronic dictionary!
This'll work. I have a good feeling.

Haven't been on The Internets much lately because The Internets keep giving me headaches.

Didn't George Bush or whoever say this shit four years ago? Isn't it about time we moved past the whole "internets" thing?

What's more, I'll be leaving Japan in August,

Yeah, returning to the motherland you weeaboo fuck?

Le sigh.

Yeah keep it up. Just keep it the fuck up.

He thinks it's going to be easy to just walk into a foreign country and get a job and place to stay.

Depending on the country it probably isn't as hard as you make it out to be.

Can anyone give me some advice on finding work/residence in Japan (especially Tokyo) that I can pass on to him?

Google it you stupid cunt. You're on the goddamn internet.

Names of English schools, good districts to live in, contacts, etc. I've never had to hunt for a job or apartment while actually in Japan, so I don't actually know very much information that's immediately useful to him.

Gee I didn't know this blog came with a homework assignment. I might have reconsidered my involvement had I known this.

Am 99% sure I passed, yay! I did terribly on the listening section though...the girl sitting next to me had a really loud pencil, it totally distracted me.

At what point are you just making excuses? A loud pencil?

finish and mail off my test for my lame-ass Japanese course for JETs (the textbook not only has terrible explanations, it's also racist and sexist and discrimates against left-handers. I guess it's leftist?)

That textbook sounds like it kicks ass. Fuck left handed people. They're sorcerers.

As a sidenote, my family once caught pufferfish while we were fishing in the Philippines. But we threw the suckers back, since we aren't stupid.

Too bad.

This site lets you bypass your workplace's firewall so you can access blocked websites! Yay!

Holy shit welcome to 1999.

as I'm sure you're all dying to know about my sordid little life.

So why are you posting it? Your blog is arguably the most boring fucking thing I've ever read. I've skipped through 45 entries just waiting for something to comment on and it hasn't happened yet.

Today my students asked me my age and I answered truthfully (twenty-three). Her response was along the lines of, "No way! I thought you were way older! I thought you were older than _____-sensei!"

The teacher she was referring to is close to forty years old.

Shit, destroyed.

It's funner than it sounds.

AND YOU TEACH ENGLISH.
Here's the thing, though: had this been Japanese you know that would have been conjugated perfectly.

First off, my computer attempted to commit suicide tonight so if I suddenly disappear off the face of the net (more than usual, I mean), it's because my computer succeeded in its attempt.

I know I might try just to get away from you, holy shit.
I can't take this anymore. This is so fucking bad.
Flonnebonne, this is bad and you should feel bad.
You seem to like Japanese, so let me say something in a language you can appreciate:
糞食らえ、われめちゃん。
It's always good to know your favorite words in several languages, that way you won't be caught unawares should you suddenly find yourself in Japan and in need of calling someone a cunt.
Which happens to me quite often, I might add.

GREENSKINS! PURGE THE BEASTS!

Keeping with my theme of title = Warhammer quote today.
Today might be a short entry because this guy seems really boring, and he was the most interesting one I could find after constant surveillance.
Even though I believe this guy to be a man, he's still a cunt.

Should I be nervous? You know, turning twenty-three?

TERRIFIED. BIG TWENTY-THREE, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY OLD!
Quit your job, go to a retirement home, buy sweater vests, take up golf. You're practically dead.
You better qualify this with something because if you seriously think being twenty three means you're old you are the biggest cunt I have ever heard of.

I wanted to be done with school before I turned thirty, but that doesn't look like it's going to pan out.

So I take it you're majoring in medicine or law?

My entire life has somewhat been devoted to the arts. Not in the sense that I can create great art, but more of a wanting to create art.

Oh. So you're devoted in no way beneficial to anyone. Good.
Better throw away what sounds like a hopeful career as a paralegal to pursue something you've thought about maybe getting into. You know, because it'll work out just like the movies.

Even this whole writing thing that has consumed my life for the past few years isn't a guaranteed money maker, but it's the life that I've grown accustomed to.

What I don't even--

Yesterday I walked home from work and ran into George, Danny, and Nikki. We talked for a while--jokes and other fun stuff. We talked serious, too; about work, money, and other things that suck.

Wow sounds really interesting.

Though I was extremely flattered, two things are wrong with the situation: one, I could dig into my Asian American Studies background and say that by her perceiving my "gorgeous" looks to my ethnic background, she is in fact a racist;

Yeah don't take a compliment you putz.

Penny-Arcade Expo was amazing.

PENNY ARCADE. I knew I didn't like you.

Life is like God of War,

Oh so it's like a Spartan captain accepting a quest from Athena to kill Ares?
Yeah it really is a lot like that, come to think of it.

it's all about timing and precision.

Ah. That as well. I don't know what kind of boring fuck life you lead but Athena sends me on quests to kill mythical entities all the time.

fight the minitaur

Minotaur*
Minitaur would be a small bull.
See Minotaur comes from Minotaurus, literally "the Bull of Minos"
... Look up the story of Theseus you illiterate twat.

I saw Sex in the City with my mother before I left Burbank.

Oh, so that makes you gay?

There's a part where Sara Jessica Parker's character wants to restart her life, so she dies her hair brown.

Dyes*

I'm going through a phase where I feel like nothing is worth posting, but I'm going to post anyway.

Most people would say "so I'm not going to post" but nope, not you.

So, the Olympics.

Surprised you spelled that one right, honestly. You seem a little uncomfortable with the Jeopardy category "words with Greek origins".

Dragonball Z: Shin Budokai, the thorn in my side.

You can't beat the AI in a fighting game? Holy shit my mom, who has never played a video game beyond Animal Crossing since the Atari days can kick the shit out of the highest difficulty AI in any fighting game.
Quit video games now you're no good at them.

I can't stand my voice right now. But not my voice, as in my voice that I speak with--which is annoying as it is--, but my style of writing.

Wow that must be really tough for you.
Try writing better. That always helped me.

Eye of Judgment is difficult for me.

I think I have a game more your speed, friend. It's called "Elmo Teaches Counting".

Am I the only one who realized that peeing is really poetic?

I'm going to let you finish this thought before I call you an idiot.

It's like a burst of emotions; all of this pressure is removed and you have this overwhelming feeling of relief.

You're a moron.

So I'm writing this essay about the representation of Asian Americans in film and how they represent racial stereotypes and how we should have positive Asian American role models.

Positive Asian role models in film.
Well off the top of my head, Bruce Lee, Toshiro Mifune, stop there that's all you need. You know I've heard this bullshit rhetoric before and the only examples anyone can ever pull are all from the 30s, which let's face it, unless you're white and a man you were basically maligned.
He'd probably be offended, too, at my suggestion that Bruce Lee and Toshiro Mifune are postive role models. Yeah why would you want to be a total badass who kicks the shit out of everyone?

What is that? Cum Lade? Is that how you spell it?

Laude* Jesus Christ.
You and dead languages, huh?
Somehow you manage to spell "Budokai Tenkaichi" right but you miss "Cum Laude" and "Minotaur"?
Well that's it. That's his entire blog.
I skipped about fifteen boring as fuck entries but I figure no one will fault me on that.

THE FALLEN SHALL BE FOREVER REMEMBERED AS THE EMPEROR'S FINEST

Special Sunday spectacular because Dexter isn't on for another seventeen hours or something and I don't feel like writing any papers at the moment, so here I am.
Most people, when they decide to go to college, usually do so to improve themselves so they can get a better job so they can make more money. That's the way it works, in theory. Still, others decide to take classes in literary criticism or under water basket weaving or, as this young lass (or lad) did, a class on The Beatles.
Perhaps even more telling, though, is that not only did this person take this class (everyone has a fine arts credit to fulfill so no judgment there) she (or he) is actually studying for this.

I was totally flipping out because I was having the hardest time studying for my Beatles exam.

Yeah that must have been brutal for you. While the rest of us have to prepare for biology or the psychology of education you have to study for The Beatles final. You're right that's worth "flipping out" over.

With the material done for the writing portions of my exam, I'm listening (thanks to YouTube) to the stuff that'll probably be on my exam.

While I'm thinking of it, goddamn school. They literally have to pound the enjoyment out of everything, don't they? Now they have classes on goddamn pop music. I'm glad I'm out of it before THE FOUNDATIONS OF VIDEO GAME PLAYING (REQUIRED COURSE) happens.
It's no wonder kids these days have shit taste in music. They have to stay on the edge of all music so they can stay one step ahead of school pounding the fun out of it. Doesn't matter if it's good or not, the school hasn't gotten their talons in it.

So far, I've written 5 of my 20 pages, so here I am at the library...skipping work (I e-mailed my boss because my phone's not working)...and I'm praying I'll get at least 6 more pages done today.

Yeah that's it. Pray. is this for the Beatles class, because if so I can't believe there are 20 pages to write.

Anyways, we all know about Black Friday, and maybe Cyber Monday...But up here in Canada, we have Boxing Day. Anyways,

Stop. Ugh. Forget it.
JUST FUCKING FORGET IT!

I'm procrastinating...I went to the gym today, so I feel entitled for some time to surf and blog.

Holy shit. Well by that logic I shouldn't feel bad about not working on my homework right now because I just finished some Warhammer figures so I'm entitled to be typing this.

Friend is telling me not to e-mail my pastor about this...so...ya'll better read this!!!

Oh I'll be sure to read this, friend.

So you know about my issues with worship right?

Yeah I keep that constantly on the top of my memory.

Let me tell you a bit about our worship co-ordinator. Let's call her...um...Betsy. That's the name of my friend's pick-up truck. Anyways!

Die shittingly.

She spent 2007 doing missions in Japan, and I mean the whole year.

You know who I feel bad for?
Well, two groups of people, really. Number one has to be the Canadians for having to deal with two incredibly annoying people.
Second is the nation of Japan for having this pox inflicted upon them. What did they do to you, Canada?

She came back and then started teacher's college at OISIE and around that same time she was named (not elected) worship co-ordinator.

I'd think the politics of the church should be less important than the actual spiritual shit but on second appraisal that probably is the interesting part.
All right I'm tired of writing this shit, goddamn.

THE ENEMY FIGHTS BACK!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

PRAISE THE EMPEROR AND STRIKE DOWN HIS FOES

After Monday's intrigue I need to wind down a bit with a nice no punches cunt blog.

I'm having one of those days.

This is basically why I picked this blog. Who opens like that? One of those days what?

One of those days in which I can't get it out of my head that there are no interesting boys who aren't already engaged or completely unsuitable for me.

Oh one of those days. I was having one of those... Wait. No I wasn't.

One of those days in which I oscillate between not knowing what to do with my life and knowing exactly what I want to do with my life but feeling completely unable to do it.

Most people would have said "I swing between" but apparently I've discovered Mrs. Vocab.

I crave distraction but can't find any.

You're on the goddamn internet. You obviously didn't even look.

That's one more essay done. This is what I have left:

Don't care.

Friday, Dec. 5: Canadian Lit exam

Oh, well if you insist. I didn't even know Canadians could read.

Saturday, Dec. 6: Honours Lit exam

Should be piss easy.

Monday, Dec. 8: Anthropology research essay

Mine took all of one evening.

Thursday, Dec. 11: Romantic Lit exam

Frankenstein's creature was typified by the Romantic movement because... Then go on about how Dr. Frankenstein treated the form of his creature as the function and how this is a Victorian dilemma. A+ would read again.

Friday, Dec. 19: Anthropology take home exam

A TAKE HOME EXAM OH MY GOD.

See? I don't get to stop yet. Not even for a breath.

Yeah I do see. That anthropology take home will be fucking hours upon hours of intense physical labor I'm sure.

My laptop is experiencing an ever-quickening death. A few terms back, I replaced the hard-drive after the blue screen of death and a diagnosis of no revival. It was fine up until this semester. Then it started getting full because the partition that Windows is on is only 9GB and keeps getting filled with useless updates.

Buy a bigger hard drive? You're losing me here. Or you could have reinstalled Windows.
Or, more likely, just use the last known good boot of Windows. It happens to me on this Vista machine on a near monthly basis.
But you could always replace hardware. That is always a cure to what ails you.

But, you know, I handle all that stuff. Except now, I can't open the screen. At the hinge on both sides, the case has cracked so that the lid doesn't hinge properly.

Prop it open like the hood of a car.

The computer is 3 years old. I will never recommend an Acer to anyone.

Acers own fuck you. My first computer was an Acer.
I used to play the Wishbone Odyssey game on it. Shit was so cash.
Wow. Here's her official computer advice from an obvious expert in the field:

Only laptops I trust for greater durability are Apples and Thinkpads.

Apples are certainly known for their durability. In fact anything made by Apple is known to be on par with Nintendo products in terms of durability.
I definitely didn't read any warnings that my iPod might not survive a short fall onto carpeted ground or anything, or that Apples can overheat for no apparent reason because you had the audacity to place it anywhere not dead center in the middle of the room.
From the same computer expert:

You're worried about price: If you essentially want a glorified typewriter / browser / music player and don't do anything intensive like gaming consider

Stop. Notebooks aren't for gaming. Stick to your Apple products, trendyfag.

See? Intelligent women are allowed to love clothes too!

"Allowed"? I don't think an intelligent anybody would allow themselves to be pigeonholed into the set behavior of a cliche, but maybe that's just me.
Also, contrary to what the TV has taught me, intelligent people run the gamut of dressed like slobs to fashion forward.

In Toronto, they're running this program in which one can exchange their gun for a $300 digital camera.

What if my gun costs more than 300 dollars?

Friday: Canadian Lit essay, 2400 words (1088 down)

THAT'S LIKE THREE ENTIRE PAGES CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE WORKING THE POOR GIRL TO DEATH!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Next Friday: Frankenstein presentation (15 minutes worth of material, portion of a handout, nothing finished)

Ha, ha did I call that Frankenstein essay or what? In college "Romantic" is code for "read Frankenstein again."

I have no idea how I'm going to survive the next two weeks.

I know how I'd do it: "there's what on TV tonight?" Then realize nothing and type on the internet.
Then maybe think about doing an essay or two.
Also you must be a freshman. Only freshmen panic when they see finals.

The number four contains plenty of symbolism . . .

Like...
Uhh...
Oh yeah. I guess it does at that. Lots of Christfag symbols revolve around four. Tetragrammaton has four letters, four arch angels, shit like that.

A Profession of My Faith

Uh-oh.

1. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God sent to redeem the world.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Wow this does go on and on. What was wrong with this?

Ἅγιος ὁ Θεός, Ἅγιος ἰσχυρός, Ἅγιος ἀθάνατος, ἐλέησον ἡμᾶς.

And off they went with their liturgical readings.

Tomorrow, I'm doing my profession of faith.

Yes, I just helped you out, friend. If you want the longer, Latin Sanctus I have that as well.
Either way you'll sound a lot cooler reading something with some history to it that this nonsense.
After this she launches into some bullshit about some job or something.
I don't know.
What I do know is I'm tired of writing this.

Finally

Friday was so boring. Livejournal boasts something obscene like 13,000,000 active users but all 13,000,000 would be goddamned if they were going to do anything even remotely interesting on Friday. WENT TO MY GRANDPARENT'S FOR THANKS GIVING (TWO WORDS BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT). Stop.
But today seems more promising. I already have a winner I think. This person might be a girl and she (or he, honestly) might be a furry. I can't tell.
But what I can tell is this person is a huge fucking baby and whiner to boot. Also fuck them.

After a week of not working on the Anatomy Book I can finally get back to it.

Studying the perfect human form and ruining it by adding aberrations and mutations the likes of which even the most depraved mind cannot imagine to be sure.
By the way I'm just going on the belief that this person is a furry until she (or he, to be honest) can prove otherwise.

I brought up to my aunt about the IPod, and said I didn't care if it was taken but that I wanted the music off of it. I don't actually know how IPods work other than you have to Download onto it and don't know if you can get music off, but would like to try.

I'm guessing by the word choice in this paragraph you don't have a lot of familiarity with technology at large.

I tried to tell her I wasn't saying he stole stuff when she said the keyboard I allowed. Well yes, I waved it off. It was already in the car anyway...what was I going to say...I was sick to my stomach as it was. I wanted a key to the house but again, she just said we'd figure everything out together the next time we went to the house and everyone would get what they wanted from it and she didn't want anyone inside the house without her being there too.

Allowed the keyboard, together in the house-- what is going on here? I must have missed a lot.

I hate to argue and I hate conflict, and I am so shattered as it is I can't stomach it. Eric says I'm being taken advantage of and walked all over, and before I know it everything will be gone despite the fact that I should have first dibs to anything inside the house in accordance with the will but I just have such a hard time fighting with family.

Ah. A petty squabble about the items left in the wake of someone's death. The bigger person would say "take whatever you want. I'm not a vulture and I won't fight you over what invariably amounts to pickings" but this is Livejournal we're talking about.

I have lost the ability to stand up for myself. Then again, how many people have to stand up to their families like I have done over the years and continue to do?

Most people. You're not unique.

When does it end?

It doesn't.

I don't know why I called my aut about the IPod. I only made things worse. I should have shut up about it.

Yeah, well, hindsight is, as they say, always 20/20.

Don't I care to fight for what's legally mine and what my grandfather wanted? I do, but then again, I just don't have the stamina or strength. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Ha, ha what a weak excuse that is. Either you care or you don't. Saying you don't have "the strength" (like you're fighting an actual battle here) is the same as saying "I don't want to" which is fine. Shit, as I said earlier, it makes you the bigger person. This Eric character sounds like a real rabble rouser.
I like this Eric. He reminds me of me.

No one sees how I suffer in silence and I can't tell them.

I do. I see exactly what your problem is.
The thing is I don't give a shit. As I've told many people, just be thankful you don't have real problems.

I am glad I have Eric and my son. They are keeping me alive.

You should be setting the example but NOPE ALL ABOUT YOU YOU YOU, is it?

I had my aunt and her family come in for Thanksgiving for dinner at our house, along with Eric's sister and his family.

Interesting that she'd call it her aunt's family (making it her family) and her husband's family (making them in-laws). Very sterile word choice for someone clearly so melodramatic.

We had a full house and 3 dogs, and it all went well overall...only, I was not expecting my aunt to invite me to my grandfather's house the day afterwards to meet up with a realtor.

Here's what you do, chief. I'm going to make this so easy even someone like you can follow my instructions.
"Aunty dear (you're British for this bear with me), I understand you're going to assess grandfather's estate. I'd be most curious as to the mechanisms for this and would like to accompany you."
There. That's it. Don't leave an opening for her to say no because, as you yourself pointed out, it's your estate now in accordance to the will. You wouldn't let your aunt sell your own house out from under you, would you?

In a good market, the house would have easily been worth 400k or more, and I hadn't wanted to even think about selling it for less and just sit on it until the market picked up. After all, the house was all paid off and the bills could easily be taken care of from the trust.

She doesn't want to dip into the trust because, as is becoming painfully obvious to someone with two eyes and a brain situated somewhere in his head (and not up his ass) she's trying to get that for herself.
Also, as a perceive this, your aunt is your grandfather's daughter, so really if your mom is dead (which I take her to be because I hear no mention) it should go to your aunt anyway, unless there was a falling out (which explains the animosity between you and your aunt~) so she probably sees this as rightfully her property anyway.

It all happened so fast, and now there won't be any stopping my mother from buying it should she get word of it...

Ah so your mother is alive. Interesting that you two wouldn't be pooling your resources if the aunt is clearly in the wrong.
I'm starting to get the feeling you're being a cunt about this.

And now I have no say, and the dream of possibly moving into it is gone, and here I am stuck in kankakee with white trash, afraid for my son's upbringing, and thinking I made a big mistake leaving home and wishing things had gone differently.

Funny you call someone white trash when you spend every waking second squabbling about inheritance (like trash).

It is just a house, and it was only logical to sell it, and Eric and I could never afford buying my aunt out for it, nor could Eric leave his Kankakee job.

SO WHAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM?

But all the reationale in the world doesn't matter to me.

Reationale. You also spell "realtor" as "relator" so you're completely ass-backwards on your spelling today. Get your fucking act together.

The house is not mine. Techinically it is my aunt's...at least the majority, so I don't have anything to really complaign about.

Wait so the house isn't even your property-- Jesus I'm starting to get a headache. Also it isn't "techinically" your aunt's, it's completely your aunt's. If she owns the majority she gets final say, unless she's only a dominant minority. if multiple parties own it (your grandfather kicks ass for causing so much havoc from beyond the grave) then in theory two parties could overpower your aunt, but I'm guessing you and your mother are either at odds or don't have a majority together anyway.
I'll tell you who I feel sorry for in all this fiasco.
Well, two people. Your son and the estate's attorney.

I'm so completely devestated I can no longer face the problem. My husband says I take everything personally, well maybe I do.

"devestated", eh? Also it's not a question of maybe. You're a complete nut.

I've even though of seeing someone to help me cope but I don't have the money for that..and they'd probably stick me on anti-depressants anyway and I don't buy into that crap. I just closed up, shut down, and now don't want to talk about it to anyone. Why...just so someone can tell me I am wrong to feel the way I do?

I'm certainly not a mental health professional but I cannot imagine any psychiatrist (with a degree) would tell you that what you're feeling is wrong.
You must go to the coolest psychiatrist ever. The Doctor House of shrinks.
Well whatever House gets shit done.

You know what...I have a right to my feelings despite how illogical they may be.

Very true.

Just because you say, it's wrong to think of feel that way...doesn't mean I instantly check myself and say, hey, you're right...I need to rethink my feelings here.

Just because you say, superfluous commas.
Also that is what mentally healthy people do. "Wow you're right I'm being a total untamed psychotic here I better get my shit together." But you are apparently blind to that.
Not only blind but actually attempting to justify your behavior.
... That's actually a sign of something clinically wrong.
I'M ON TO SOMETHING.

No. I feel the way I feel and I refuse to just let somebody tell me it's wrong.

I also feel sorry for Eric, your husband. After some thought on this I realize he's probably trying to negotiate an impossible situation.

I need to buy the guitar.

Speaking of totally related thoughts--
Jesus. I either need to get my emotionally frustrated nutty head together or buy a guitar.
To borrow a joke I heard somewhere, I need to either take a piss or swim in ice cream.

I'm afraid of what people will say to me about how I feel because I've already faced adversity when I've left my soul bare.

Wait I thought you said you wouldn't change--
What. So you're afraid of what others will think but you won't change anyway? Why bother being afraid-- no, no. This doesn't make any sense at all!

There's this game for boys called Bakugan, which in Japan means "Exploding Spheres."

Very true.
Which is, coincidentally, probably what your husband would rather have had happen before having a kid with you.
Seriously he's trapped with an emotional leech. Nothing he can do. Can't leave the kid to become the leech child from Japanese mythology, can he?
Also rereading that joke I have less faith than usual in it. I think I was going for an exploding testicle joke or something.
Oh well they can't all be winners~

But yes I do tend to like childish things...but where do you draw the line?

I play with Warhammer (they're toys let's face it) and I watch cartoons still so who the fuck knows or cares?
Seriously is someone making fun of you for liking Pokemon at the playground? Are you an adult? Why do you care what others think so much?

What does growing out of something mean anyway?

It means you don't like doing it anymore.
Seriously does everything need to become a personal vendetta with you?

I've wanted an acoustic guitar for many years.

Spanish, electric or GTFO.

I can't just not have ideas floating through my head on all the cool stuff I want to do. I was, and still am, the type of artist that gets into an art zone and does not like to be interrupted.

Good thing you decided to have a kid. Two, in fact.
Well, raising a baby you're inturrupted non-stop. First...forget a full night's sleep.

Second...prepare to have to sit for 30 minutes or more feeding the baby every 2-3 hours. Add that up...it's at least 4 hours a day spent feeding the baby.

Yeah apparently babies are a pain in the ass or something.

don't feel safe putting Nicholas into the school system here, so I have made up my mind to home school...

Based on your grasp of grammar and spelling he's doomed.
All right, that's it. I'm tired of typing this shit.

Fuck it

Today is the day before Thanksgiving and people won't shut the fuck up about World of Warcraft. When did that expansion come out? It was last week, right? So why are people still going on about it-- ugh.
But praise be to Allah that there's this blog.
From a Texan, no less.
I fucking hate Texas. If a Texas-shaped meteor hit Texas, ignoring for a moment the fact that the impact would destroy most of the solar system, the world would be better off.
Seriously, name one good thing that came from Texas.
See? You can't do it.
I'd say "give it back to the Mexicans," but to be honest I'm not sure they'd want it back. I know I wouldn't.

When my membership expired at the Bikram Yoga studio in north Austin where I’ve been practicing for the past year, I decided to take advantage of the *newcomer special* at my old studio, located further west.

What is Bikram Yoga?
Just kidding I don't care. To me Yoga is code for "I'm too much of a huge faggot to take Tai Chi." Tai Chi is for men. It may seem like it's for old men (because the kind they teach in America is) but real Tai Chi is basically Kung Fu times a million.
At least that's what the movie "Twin Warriors" starring Jet Li taught me. I'm not really sure if that's true or not but goddamn.

The 90 minute classes at both studios are identical in that we do the same 26 postures and 2 breathing exercises every day.

Imagine that. Yoga is the same no matter where you are.

But I grew to like and trust most of the instructors to the point I even felt comfortable showing them my blog and being open about my job as a stripper, which they totally *get* and have always been really casual about.

I think I have an appropriate reaction to this hold on.
This update suddenly became incredibly awesome.

I’ve also grown to really enjoy the students I see every day, one of them in particular, a 54 year old woman with the body, face, and spirit of a much younger person, really lit up my mornings with her humor and our rapport.

This has to be the most eloquent stripper ever. I cannot believe this shit.
Usually I just read straight through but for the sake of intrigue I'm going to click the "stripper" tag because that's what I want to know about.

They say life isn’t a destination but a journey.

That's very true (not really).

His fiancée just divorced British royalty, so god only knows what my ex's and her combined million$ amount to now, but suffice it to say their *journey* will be first class all the way.

No wonder he didn't want to meet you again. Fuck some stripper in Austin he has money to spend.

Meanwhile I can’t afford a decent gynocologist visit or the mamograms I'm supposed to be getting, not to mention a facial or massage, much less the extensive nip/tucks I’m quite sure his flawless beauty has already had.

What can I say? I roll the dice and usually come up with furry #15, but sometimes I hit the lottery and find the one that writes itself. The reason I reacted to "stripper" is not because hurrr stripper but because I knew from the get go this would be filled with incredibly awesome stories that she probably shouldn't be telling everyone within earshot.

I’ll age as gracefully as possible while hunched over my laptop, typing out my blood, sweat and tears, for years and years to come, while also competing with younger and younger strip club beauties for the privilege of grinding 3 days a week on the laps of various horny strangers, fending off their wandering hands and misbehaved tongues and ridiculous invitations, while Mr. & Mrs. Fabulously Wealthy travel the world in the utmost luxury, dripping in diamonds, dining on caviar, and making love in the most elaborate suites of the finest hotels on the planet.

When I had to come up with a title for my blog it was between "Edie Finds a Corpse" and this paragraph right here. Longest title in history I understand, but still I think it has a certain ring to it. "I'll Age As Gracefully As Possible..." or IAGPWHOLTOMBSTYYCWACWYAYSCBPG3DWLVHSFWHMTRIWMMFWTWULDDDCMLMESFHP for short.

I know I’m full of self-pity here. And that it’s actually part of my journey to get over these bitter feelings… to be forced to suck it up as I watch this painful, heart-wrenching in-flight horror movie of their relationship...

It probably goes without saying, but when someone says "I know I'm..." and then they continue to go on, it doesn't actually validate their bitching. No one wants to hear this shit. "I know I'm full of self-pity here" so why are you posting it? Also this is the third sentence I've caught that I could so easily take out of context that it isn't even worth doing because derp derp.

I’ve spent more time flat on my back lately than I care to remember and since I’m currently, completely, celibate (as opposed to partially?) that’s not nearly as fun as it sounds.

Maybe strippers have a different definition of "celebate" than I but it's either on or its off.

So during my last (3rd) song, a gorgeous, brunette dancer whom I’ve never met, approaches me on stage.

Little known fact but you don't actually need a comma between "gorgeous" and "brunette" because brunette is functioning as a color in this case and you don't need a comma between one adjective and one color word.
Just pointing it out.

“Are those real?!” she asks, beaming with genuine curiosity and not a trace of typical stripper-competitiveness.

This cannot be real.

Later on I complimented her on her choice of stage music (Danzig!). She thanks me then mentions that one of my nipples has popped free of my favorite red bra. I’m pre-menstrual and in the middle of a week of swollen *Special Boob Days* which means they barely fit into any of my bras and are also probably at least part of the reason she was so impressed by them in the first place.

I was looking through my folder of reaction pictures but I'm not really sure what I should be feeling here.
After much thinking on the subject I've decided this face is always appropriate:

I also need an occasional spinal adjustment to ensure I don’t miss any work, not to mention averting the potential tragedy that some sad, lonely, ex-preacher or recent divorcé be denied the extra-special holiday comfort that is my Amazing Bosom… like a warm-hearted TV special, titled, A Miracle on 34 C’s.

I like you, stripper from Texas. You even have your accent marks in the right place.

The metal padlock on my front door has a brand name etched into the outside face plate.

Yeah? What does it say? If it's Defiant or Faultless you might as well not even bother.

look down to slide in my key and every single time misread the word FAULTLESS as FRUITLESS.

Don't even fucking bother. Any idiot with a torsion spring and a pick could be through in five seconds.
”Is there any chance we can meet outside of here so I can watch you masturbate?”
Suddenly my previous comments about kung fu seem more appropriate. Why wouldn't you learn some version of "I can punch you and your head explodes" with this line of work? Meanwhile Wonder Stripper here is taking Yoga thinking it does fuck all for this creep who will bury her under his porch.

“Ya know I think we may live near each other,” he continues.

Holy shit he really will bury you under his porch watch out.

This ain’t my first rodeo. I’ve been around the block enough times to make an entire Cirque du Soleil troupe dizzy.

I was about to say "please work another cliche into this" but I'm not sure the second one is a cliche. I'm not even sure it makes sense-- why would a Cirque du Soleil troupe get dizzy by you-- I don't know.

It’s working its magic as I experience the skin outbreaks that come from the release of 41 years of stored toxins and excess testosterone, not to mention the occasional bursts of repressed anger also known to be stored in one’s liver.

41 year old stripper.
So that's where anger is stored. I thought it was a chemical reaction in the brain but I'm not taking Bikram Yoga.

Or maybe I just related to her, in this strange duality I still sometimes feel about my desire to be of service with my desire to sometimes smack some sense into the world.

What.
A duality is a division of two mutally exclusive or contradictory groups. You could serve by forcing it to make sense. It is, therefore, not a duality at all.

It's magnificent really. Like some profound & esoteric, color-coded, heavenly message from the almighty god of gum... saying what, I do not know. Anyone?

All right, stripper. I said I liked you earlier but now that's starting to wear thin.
Actually I'm starting to get a headache. Something about "profound and esoteric" is starting to grind my shit.
Fuck it. There's your Wednesday update.