Fantastic.

So Japan. That long string of islands situated on the Pacific Ocean? Well let me tell you: Japanese people don't speak English. Also they have different cultural values than Americans. Or Europeans. Also Americans (and Europeans) might not agree with these values.
There you go I just described today's blog. I guess I don't really have to review it now so good bye-- oh all right I will. Absinthegaijin (doesn't make any more sense in English I assure you).
Absinthe is some sort of drug made out of wormwood and alcohol and a gaijin is a foreigner so go figure that out.

Had to go to the supermarket today at a truly obscene hour, midnight. For any spoiled Americans who might actually read this, did you know you have to bag your own groceries here?

OH MY GOODNESS THEY'RE LIVING IN THE DARK AGES!

Some scary old Japanese guy stopped his car right next to where I was walking and kept asking if I wanted a ride, I had to plead ignorance and go all doe-eyed dumb foreigner Me no understandy Japanesey on him. Thank goodness that tactic works.

Works in America too. If I don't want to deal with people I just pretend to be German.
Unfortunately the only German I know was either retained from high school or I learned it on the show Combat!, so I usually end up sounding like a Nazi.

Stopping your car by the side of the road, asking an adult woman to get in your car? That's serial killer creepy, my friend. LOL I half expected him to at least try to lure me with candy.

Well I'm certainly glad you're amused by your story because I'm bored shitless.

Just remember, never act confrontational or yell out police, tasukete or dameda, this will only encourage them.

Personally I'd yell IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN I SHALL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!

"No, you're being completely inappropriate." Chances are that should be enough to make any scary guy here go away.

Ha, ha great brotip to throw off serial rapists. "This sexual molestation is very inappropriate!" Goddamn my tips are better than you and I'm not even being serious. I'm being positively ZANY!

I don't really have to do this kind of stuff very often, though, Japan's pretty safe most of the time. If all else fails, I'm pretty sure I could win in a fight, drunk or sober.

Yeah you sound like you could win a fight. You sound like you're still a little bit panicked simply retelling it. I think that's a good way to win a fight: be really fucking panicked when it happens.
Guns are illegal in Japan so he likely doesn't have one, so that leaves a manly altercation: fists. Come on, keep your head together and you can win this. Remember, a fistfight isn't about who is strongest but who can strike fastest!

It's never gotten to that point, though. Just mildly frightening events, nothing worth writing about. Tonight was the first time someone actually scared me a little.

Well by your description Japan is a terrifying, Lovecraftian realm of demons waiting to rape you with baseball bat penises. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and all I have to fear is dying (naw dawg that ain't me) from criminals instead of being raped and scarred forever probably.
Wow that was kind of a downer.

Happier things................

Yes, captain ellipsis, let's think happy thoughts. So she's going to meet some guy and who gives a shit. You were more interesting when you were warding off rapists by telling them they were inappropriate.

I understand why he lets me talk, he's so shy. I wonder why Japanese people are so embarrassed to speak English in front of you? I always wonder about that..................

It's simple: they're ashamed of their accent/poor grammar. It's perfectly reasonable, and I'm ashamed for a lot of people who have shit grammar in their own fucking language, especially when they're talking to people who speak English as a second or even third language (who frequently manage better grammar skills than the idiot with whom they're talking).
In fact I've known Japanese people who understand English so well they're practically fluent but still refuse to speak in English. Usually you just talk to them in English and they respond in Japanese and as long as both parties know both languages it's no big deal.

Do they think we're all culture snobs who laugh at their linguistic mistakes behind their backs or make fun of their pronunciations when we're at home?

Most people I've encountered don't know you drop the "e" at the end of a verb when making it an active (-ing) verb, so no. No we are not as a people.

If that wasn't the case I might be introducing myself as watashi wa (name) desu with the u as opposed to the actual pronunciation where the u is silent.

A real pro at Japanese probably would exclude "watashi wa" as that's implied but we're getting off track.

The English language is a mess of useless silent letters and weird quirks. On that note, I can't believe those wacky Brits are getting rid of teaching i before e except after c ! Sad........

Because it's a bad idea with as many exceptions as there are words that follow it, so teaching kids it's a rule is confusing when they run into even elementary words that don't follow it like "weird".
Meanwhile in England they also teach kids that an ellipsis is three dots (...) instead of however many you can fit until you get bored and stop holding the period key down. Putz.

He took me to an American style bar here in my neighborhood ( I think he knows my neighborhood better than I do) and we talked forever. I still think he let me talk too much, but he said he didn't mind......... I always wonder about that, though.

I find your choice of words interesting. He "let you talk" as opposed to what I would naturally assume, "he listened".

Japanese people are so.....well, they call it polite. Where I'm from, we call it being waaaay too nice.

Well you're not in America anymore.

I guess I'm worried I was just as uninteresting and annoying as I felt, talking all the time.

You are. I'm not too shy (hush, hush) or whatever you want to call it to say it.

Sigh.........hazukashii eigo, I guess. So cute, so shy, so likable.

UGUUUUUUU.

He likes cats, actually has a cat, laughs at my jokes, can't cook and has a mystery job. I guess he's a little strange, too, but I like him. Strange or not, I like his company. Besides, I'm a little quirky myself.

I kind of wonder about his mystery job, though.............
Oh my no he's probably a spy or an assassin or something.

Sounds like a WACKY ROMANTIC COMEDY ANIMU/MANGO if I've ever heard one.
He's trying to hold a steady job as a yakuza hitman while romancing a woman! An American woman (ooo)! How will he balance his career as a hitman, his soul eternally pledged to Ares in the name of bloodshed and slaughter (whoa turn for the violent) and his romantic life?
I'd watch this. Especially if Ares is in it.

So yeah.....mystery job. What does he do? I wouldn't really care, but since I don't know, I really wonder.............. Man, I really hope it's not illegal or unethical. I doubt he's a gangster, he doesn't look the type..............

:3

I'm off to Kichijoji, reviews forthcoming

Sounds familiar. Didn't half of Shin Megami Tensei 3 take place there?

Saw a lovely image that made me a little nauseous.

Some J-pop star Gackt in a SS uniform.

Ha, ha I didn't know that fagort Gackt had that level of troll in him.

Do you have to be stupid to be shocking nowadays? Can't you do something besides wear the uniform of someone who tried to commit genocide against whole groups of people (the Jewish, the homosexuals, etc.)

Well it was either that or the KKK uniform.
So now this blog, as if it needed more of it, takes a turn for the Freudian. Let's put on our psychology hats.

I want a Japanese wife to make me bento lunches.

All right. Nothing wrong there I suppose. I'd say it's a little strange since you proclaim to be a heterosexual woman but whatever.

I know it''s an impossible dream.

No, also apparently she's serious because if this were a joke it would have ended before now. Presumably, anyway. I mean I know she sucks at sarcasm or comedic timing but I have difficulty imagining she's this inept from what I've seen thus far.

I want it anyway. I want little nori cut out hearts on top of rice, I want radishes carved into flowers, I want a cute little lunch full of love.

All right now it's getting Freudian. She cleverly hides this weird pseudolesbian (that's a word) fantasy by saying this:

I want to stop eating Kombini and restaurant food.

but that makes it even more suspect in my mind.
I DON'T ACTUALLY WANT TO BANG JAPANESE WOMEN (not faulting you there I might add) I JUST CRAVE HUMAN CONTACT AND ALSO FOOD PREPARED BY PEOPLE I KNOW :( wouldn't this be more framed around, I don't know, finding a boyfriend or something if that were the case?

Yeah, occasionally I cook, but not like that. That is crazy anal-retentive food made by perfect people with too much time on their hands.
Japanese housewives. Man, I want one.

All right finally we get to it. There it is: "perfect people". There are, of course, any number of ways to analyze this entire fantasy, but here's what I believe to be the actuality of her subconscious in this case:
Firstly I'd like to note that her view of "perfect people" isn't the common weeaboo archetype of Japanese people as a whole, or even all Japanese women: it's specifically Japanese housewives.
Also this goes beyond preferential mate choice of "I'd prefer to marry a Japanese woman," specifically or "I'd prefer to marry an Asian woman" in general. This fantasy seems wholly self contained and married to a culture she is part of, but not native to, that I suspect this fantasy wouldn't work with a woman of any other ethnic identity. This is noted particularly in her vocabulary choice: nori has a perfectly working word in English (seaweed), but she opted not to use it, ostensibly to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality.
Secondly this fantasy seems divorced from sexual connotations. There is love, but it seems more platonic, even philial, than romantic.
So, in the interest of not running this into the ground, I'd like to propose that she wants to be the Japanese housewives and that last sentence would probably do better with word "be" (as in "I want to be one"). Of course, knowing this is impossible as she, no matter how ingrained into the culture, will never be Japanese (hence the degredation of "I can't cook like that"), so we have a simple projection fantasy where she desires to be with herself in another form.
And there's my master thesis. I have entitled it: "female weeaboos in the wilds of the internet and the projection of persona".
So how about that? Come for the jokes, stay for the amateur essays on psychology.