Very nearly very nice

I had another entry almost completely done but I keep losing interest in it and it has been like this off and on for about seven hours. If I were an average idiot blogger I'd post it, but I think my inability to finish it is my brain telling me something about it, so I'll just keep it to myself.
SEE, IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD, OTHER PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET?
Speaking of people with no content filter: "yr nasty"
It's basically what you'd expect.

I wish the thought of having sex with someone didn't make me want to puke.

Which is oddly appropriate because I'm fairly certain no one can think of having sex with you without wanting to puke, so the feeling is mutual.

I also wish I didn't want to kiss this boy so much. Don't you just ever want to kiss someone with every fiber of your being.

No I can't say that I do.

Kiss someone for so long it seems like days, till both of our lips are chapped. With someone who doesn't try to stick his hands in my pants.

Oh well now I definitely know the answer to that question is no.

Do straight up make out sessions even happen anymore? Or am I the only one who longs for kissing the way most people want sex? Sex is dumb and uncomfortable and I'm pretty sure I wont change my mind until it's with the perfect guy.

I've taken up sketching while I do these updates. I figure it's more constructive than playing Pokemon or FFXI, because for some reason "Edie Finds a Corpse" time tends to turn into "FFXI time".
I guess I could just power through it but quite frankly even my superhuman metabolism couldn't handle that much raw bullshit.

I'm really not a fan of casual dating. I don't think it's meant for the socially akward. Any time I've ever been on a date I end up talking about how awesome my grandmother is or how much time I spend with my dogs and the funny names I give them. I never seem to be able to make it to the second date.

So winning personality so far, I wonder why she can't get a date?

On a different note, I'm doing a detox. I've always been overweight but I'm getting rediculously fat.

Oh, what's up, complete package?

god damnit i am so stupid.
i am not in love with every boy i see why is my brain telling me that.

I HAVE A GAT DAMN CRUSH ON EVERYONE WHO TALKS TO ME.

Must be tough having such-- I'm pretty good at this sketching thing, actually.
I don't know what your problem is, Deviantardlets.

FIRST THINGS FIRST
I'm dressing as beyonce for holloween.

That's appropriate because Beyonce does have a fat ass.
Although I suspect you're just fat.
Also Beyonce is a model. I'm sure you're nowhere close to model material.
So...
Not really sure what my point was, come to think of it.

onto more sexy things.

sexier things than a fat girl in skimpy clothing?

two boys with the same name want to date me.
BUT, I have a crush on a blonde boy. Which is wierd because I normally am not attracted to blondes.

Sounds like a zany sitcom if I've ever heard one!

I really am acting like such a fucking chick lately. It's lame but it's also kind of fun.
boysboysboysboysboysboysboysboysboys
BOYS.
I want to go dress shopping, I need more dresses.
Something to accentuate my flawless rack.

Oh that's not the picture I wanted. Actually it can stay because it's the most awesome thing to come from this entry today, I suspect.

I miss having a libido.....

Miss having libido? By my advanced statistical analysis, five out of six (or 83.333333333333333333333333333333333repeating percent) of your posts are directly related to sexual activities.

sometimes i just really wanna kiss boys.

This summer has been life changing, just not in the way I wanted it to be.
I feel like I've gone against everything I believe in like I'm somehow less of a person.
I recently (actually a month ago to this day) had sex for the first time.

sugoi monogatari, aneki.
(translator's note: "sugoi monogatari, aneki" means "cool story, sis" in Japanese)
Christ it's 20 entries later and this bitch still isn't done eating cock (and Twinkies)

i read all your discustingly disgustingly bittersweet romantic blogs and i I pretend that i'm I'm the girl your you're writing about.

....
lol

Glad to be of service.

when i get to england im going to be a kareoke bar godess.

I was going to correct you on "karaoke" but you're barely literate in English, so forget it.

tonight im going to drink coolers and be girly as fuck.
i found a boy who will listen to bad 90's music with me.
we're going to get married.

Hey listening to bad music is one of my major hobbies.
No way I'd do it with you, though. I only listen to bad music with people who have character.
Sorry~
And there's a picture of you.
Good grief are you obese. I'm going to be especially generous and even pretend the camera adds 20 pounds.
You weren't kidding earlier. There's no way you can brush this off as "I gained a little weight I need to lose it~ <3". You didn't just gain that weight. It has been a project between you and Chester Cheetah for a while.
Ugh that's it. I'm so bored with her nonsense now my eyes are getting all blurry from the yawning.

Uh-huh

Click image to go to blog.

My entire life I have been looking for love in all the wrong places. I have just about done anything and everything to just feel love from somone, anyone.

Oh look it's this shit again.
I'm not trying to find the same shit over and over, too. This is literally the first blog I clicked on again.
The only conclusion I can come to is that there is a sentient AI within the internet planting all of these blogs to fuck with me specifically.
Either that or people really are that similar and douchey.

I have used my body, my natural sweetness, my money, my time, my faith, my sexual skills...just anything I had, and when I didn't have it I would create it somehow.

Great. Mind if I multitask while you try to justify yourself to yourself?
I'd be the worst shrink ever, holy shit. YEAH YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SHIT BUT MEANWHILE I'M HAVING A HELL OF A TIME WITH MY GAMEBOY, HERE.

I looked for love in boys as a teen, men as an adult and even women.

Woo what a sexual dynamo she i-- holy shit, sorry. Huge yawn.

I married a man that in the beginning gave me love, who made me feel special and who I thought would protect me. However, he didn't do anything of those things shortly after we were married and so I began committing a adultrey to find it.

Super cool story.

Chris, Tom, Jesse, Kern....

Yep, yep-- wait, Kern? Is that a name?
Kern. Sounds like a truck driver.
Oh fuck I just clicked on my other tab (which happened to be school work) and I was assaulted by different, yet similar douchebaggery. It's an assault on all sides!
Holy shit. Emerson on my left, "Kat's Life" on my right.

I struggle so hard, I fight myself and my thoughts and I fail misrabley at it. I am not good at this being Christian thing. I love Jesus, I really really do and I WANT to please him.

Wow that was an unexpected turn.
I don't know what I mean by "unexpected" because quite frankly 90% of all blogs end with something like that, but given the build up-- I don't know.

I want to honor him, I want to be a Godly Woman but it just seems like no matter how hard I try, I still end up failing in my attempts. I just don't know what to do anymore, mistake after mistake. Making more mistakes even now and I haven't even dealt with the consequences of the previous mistake fully yet.

Of course this runs contrary to the Christian message, which teaches that all have fallen short of the glory of God. That's kind of where the whole "accepting Jesus and repenting" bit comes in. Special emphasis on "repent" in this case, which at its root means to "turn away". Effectively "turning away" from your sins. The assumption is that you won't stop sinning, because Christfags have that so figured out you basically can't be human and not sin (literally, you've sinned the second you're born simply by the virtue that you popped out of your mother's vag).

I just don't know how to become who God wants me to be when I have damaged myself so badly. Will God still accept such a damaged heart? Will God forgive me for damaging my own heart?

Yeah all that shit I just said.
Holy shit how is it I know more about Christfagging than you and I don't even believe in this bullshit?

The sun rises and the sun sets, the wind blows, and the seasons change and I awake and I return to sleep. Its just the motions of this life, this empty life with Kern.

But I thought Kern was THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.

R and I were talking this morning and I realized that Kern gave me everything I have ever wanted out of a man. HE filled and met every need I had, he naturally just met my needs. His love for me even if it was fake, was real to me it MEANT something to me.

Me me me me me~

I have gone through the last six months feeling so empty, so alone, so sad. I feel like I will never be able to love again, I will never be able to trust again. Kern has changed me as a peson from the inside out, he has made me loose all hope and trust in so many things.

I accidentally loosed once. Hurts the bowels.

When Kern left, he took with him so much of myself. He broke my ability to believe in so many things such as unconditional love. It makes me sad not because he couldn't love me uncondtionally as he said he did, but that it was because of him I had begun to truly exprience God's unconditional love.

>I can't believe in unconditional love
>I believe in unconditional love
You really have no idea what you're writing, do you?

It just seems like all I ever have are words, lots of words that get written into the world of cyberspace, they go out and just get lost.

Yeah it sure does seem that way. Imagine my luck. All this vast desert that is the internet and I had to find the one patch that was concealing the dog turd of a blog that is "Kat's Life". What can I say?

Sometimes when the pain seems so deep. When it feels like it will never ever go away.

These are not fucking sentences but okay, I'll go with it. You are very clearly mentally deranged, so I'm cutting you some slack on your rather dubious grasp of how English works.

Sometimes the loss of something so important, so vital to your hapiness and living comes crashing down on you like a Tsnamui.

Like a tsnamui.

For the first time in all the weeks I've been getting sonograms....I saw only my precious child, my beautiful perfect son who was sent to me by God.

Wait shut up a good song just came on.
Fuck yes, that piano followed by that guitar riff.
Roger Hodgson, you are the motherfucker.
That's what I'd say right now if I were reviewing his blog instead of this.

Have you ever cut so deeply you needed 28 stiches but not even that pain seems to come close to the pain you feel inside everyday every moment you breathe?

No but I did step on a roofing nail once. That hurt a lot.

I don't ever cuss and I don't ever hate but I am going to today... KERN DAVID KIMBLETON IS THE MOST HORRIBLE MAN ON THIS PLANET!!!!!!!
I hate him, I simply hate him with every fiber of my being. I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!!!!!
That man has hurt me more deeply then any other man in my life, he hurt me more then than my rapist!

Sorry you're spilling your guts out or whatever and I'm fixing your grammar. I know there's more wrong with this than that one part but that one part was bothering me especially. What are you on about, woman?

I am going to keep on going as I am and face the pain of loosing Kern each day.

Christ I thought he was an asshole.
You know what your problem is?
You're stone cold, batsqueak nuts.
You're so nuts I wish Barbara Stanwyck was still alive just so she could slap some sense into you. (obscure reference)
In fact, you're so nuts I'm left with only one thing to say to you:

Ha ha

It's one of those days, man. Everyone on Livejournal is just extra boring and DICK is happening. I found a blog, I guess, but before I begin I want bellatragedia (that's quite the name) to know that under normal circumstances her blog would be passed right over. That's pretty bad, Bella. When I'm looking for a bad blog your blog is rejected for being too bad. That's a feat.

I now work at Cuban Crafter Cigar Shop at the register. I actually rather like my job; I can sit where I could not at my last job; I can read and write in peace without being annoyed or harassed by anyone, so long as its downtime; I can smoke freely; I am a perfect little goddess there, surrounded constantly by men who all find me stunning.

Yeah right.
Perfect little goddess of... Fat?
I'm not very good at the joke construction today.

I stayed the hell away from males for a while, using them only to cruelly [sic] amuse myself more or less and then I found someone for whom I have no words. We fit.

Oh look, it's this shit again. Further, I'm not sure why "cruelly" got a [sic], because (for once) it's spelled and used correctly.
Sure it's not exactly a modern definition of cruel, but it works.
Also, people, time to check your definition of "a while". In light of what she has just said (in a post made January 25th) how long do you think it'll be since she broke up with her last boyfriend?
Well it's hard to say what transpired between December 3rd and January 25th, but she was still with her previous idiot on the 3rd of December, so apparently "a while" is "less than a month" in relationship terminology.

How can I expect you to be better than what you are if you're nothing to begin with and have no desire to raise yourself up from your ridiculous ignorance?

Oh please.
That's an awesome excuse, by the way. MY RELATIONSHIP FAILED BUT THAT'S OKAY I'M TOO AWESOME FOR RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!! (!!!)

The other day, as I catalogued, was one of the most morbidly miserable days I can remember, but as is the nature of my life things did indeed change dramatically.

Let's diagram this sentence.
On second thought let's not.

But there is a reason they call me Shivzik. I went home and stayed home for two days with the Mister Robert Capone. Needless to say he is mine and I am am one step closer to attaining that name.
But in all honesty I am going to fall for that man hard.

Ten days later he's an idiot and doesn't appreciate her. I guess Bella's favor is fickle.
That's what I really do not understand about these bints. They go from I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE WE GET MARRIED :3 to FUCK MEN GODDAMN THAT GUY WAS A HUGE FUCKING PRICK in less than ten days.
As I understand it, if you sit back and properly gauge the situation you can probably tell this shit before even having sex with someone.
I know that's hard to imagine, but it's true.

Robert treats me wonderfully and for once I don't feel like I need to worry about his motives; I took bars and basically passed out the moment my head hit the pillow. When I arose this morning, there he is in bed beside me, not have distrubed me once.

You guess. It sounds like you blacked out, so you really don't know what happened.

I was paid more attention this weekend than just about any other weekend of my life and for once I saw it. I seriously caught so many glances made at me both meant for seeing and for not. Jason was twice if not thrice as cheeky and honestly made cracks just to get me to look at him and smile, which I did of course.

And from here on in it gets really bad.

Ever ready. Ever loyal. Ever strengthened. I am a warrior.

Yeah probably a shitty sword warrior because "that's what SE gives warriors at the start and if they intended for warriors to use axes they'd start with one."
Or my personal favorite "I'm going to be a paladin so I'm getting practice in now" because leveling a weapon from 1-50 is so scary difficult and can't possibly be soloed in half an hour.

I know this even though I am not suffering but I know that regardless of how a day goes, everyone is in a battle. The day could seem the most perfect and idyllic of days, but we all must fight for our lives. I don't see this to be rough, pessimistic or negative in any light; such is life for humanity and the faster one realizes it the better off they will be, if not in the world at least with themselves.

I love these little paragraphs that are these bizarre "deep" thoughts about life. It reminds me of an opium-induced aside written by someone in my American Romanticism class (fuck American Romanticism).

Are you male or female:
Girl

Describe yourself:
Her Majesty

I think I had a point to make in quoting this but I can't honestly remember what I was going to say because it's just so incredibly douchey I can barely wrap my mind around how awe-inspiringly bad this is.

I wish to inform all you fellow readers, and random motherfuckers who end up on this page because you're nosy, that I, Anezka, will be sticking with Erik,
for better or worse, forever and ever.


I came to this epiphany sometime after I lost count of how many orgasms I was having in our two hour session after number... 15?

Ho ho ho oh no.
Wait, I have the perfect reaction image for this:
That's the topper, incidentally. Nothing is getting worse than "fat girl having 15 orgasms (oh God the smell)" so I'm just going to duck out here and gouge my eyes out like our boy Oedipus, here.

OHWHATTHE

Livejournal has a new ad scheme that's very good: clicking on any section causes the screen to darken and an ad to start playing, and you can't go to any websites until it ends. "WATCH THE AD TO CONTINUE ENJOYING YOUR LIVEJOURNAL EXPERIENCE!" it says. That's awfully presumptuous, Livejournal. I'm not sure I need entirely cockblocked like this just to read the latest earth-shattering thoughts of Furry #5982174.
Today we have Zap Rowsdower's Journal. I learned a lot from it, actually. I learned "unemployment" is a viable career option. Fuck this teacher certification, I guess.

minor freakout yesterday when the unemployment check didn't come. Didn't think that Monday being MLK day would affect my check since I call to claim it n Tues.

Didn't think that the holiday where the entire government is off would affect something like a government-run institution?

But it came today and it is in the bank. A good thing since my balance was fifty-five cents.
Bought the traditional Starbucks (Venti roast, nothing fancy for me) and came back here to get back to being unemployed.

>nothing fancy
>Starbucks
>he's unemployed
Tax dollars at work.

Want an easy way to donate to Haiti relief? iTunes users can donate using their account setup. easy as buying a song. Just donated to RED CROSS.

Yeah I saw that. I downloaded "Shake It Up" by The Cars instead. I think it was a wise investment.

OK, so I am not "actually" on a diet. I am diabetic and I am going to have to start eating like I am diabetic.

By going to Starbucks-- I think I found a hole in your diet, bro.

went to the Doctor yesterday.

My Doctor is cute. I know medical school and college and years of study have been involved, but this woman looks like she just got off the school bus. I have a little crush on her.

That's a little bit Freudian. Have a thing for girls just got off the school bus, huh?

But the reason I am posting this is that I am having to eat healthily again.

sigh.

responsibility tastes like a hamburger/no bun.

Yeah man, gotta lose that weight otherwise you won't score any 12 year olds. What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

if I ever see Russell T. Davies on the street I am going to kick his ass.

Don't know who that is and I don't know what he did to warrant an ass kicking, but if I ever see you on the street kicking his ass I'm going punch you right in your fucking face.
No reason, really. You're just a tool.

Now, I nap. Because grating potatoes is hard work. Well, tedious anyway.

Wow how fat are you? ONE ACTIVITY DONE, TIME FOR A NAP.
True story: yesterday I realized I forgot my parking pass in my car, so I went all the way up five entire flights of stairs, back down, paid, back up. Wasn't even winded.
You, too, can complete menial tasks without getting exhausted.

My GF's Daddie used to say, "Believe and you will receive. Doubt and you do without."


amen AGAIN.

"Doubt begets heresy, heresy begets retribution."
My quote is cooler.

Gotta love Paulie Perrette. She ended an interview with these quotes:

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere" - MLK Jr

Oh, oh I have one: "our ways must be cruel to be fair."
Man my quotes are so much better than your shitty ones, holy fuck.
Here he asks for donations. Not for Haiti or anyone that actually needs shit, but he himself. From Amazon. Funny, for a guy who quotes the Bible sometimes he sure missed the (arguably most important) quote from the Bible: "the Lord helps those who help themselves."
Oh wait, no, that was Benjamin Franklin.
Same shit, really.

Philadelphia Cream Cheese Spinach and Artichoke flavor and Wheat Thins Crackers FTW, kids.

Wow-- wow.
Now there are five hundred more posts about food. I guess my problem with people that quote the Bible is that there's usually cooler shit surrounding the Bible than the Bible itself. Like, in this instance, DANTE'S INFERNO.
YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL WHERE YOU WILL FEAST ON FILTH, GLUTTON.
Holt shit Dante kicked ass.
Also there were BEES that stung people eternally until they fell underneath the filth.
Then some guys in the 2000s looked at that and said "yeah this is pretty cool, but how can we make this even more awesome? Also a video game" and the answer was make Dante a crusader instead of a gay poet who kills Death with his bare hands and takes his scythe.
I can't fucking wait. It's going to be the best thing to ever come out of epic poetry in like 350 years.
Oh yeah, this.
Now there's a post about him having Supraventricular Tachycardia (his blood pressure dropped and his heart started beating very fast) because he either has anxiety or he's so morbidly obese his heart doesn't have enough room to beat properly.

And today, the GF bugged me until I made an appointment at a clinic that doesn't care that I don't have insurance. My appointment is Dec. 22.

And people wonder why we need health reform...

WE NEED HEALTH REFORM SO I CAN KEEP INJECTING BACON GREASE INTO MY ARTERIES.

Hi,

I just signed a petition to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to stop protecting corporate Democrats who are willing to filibuster a public health insurance option.

Can you please add your name?

No.

The BEST thing about Obama? He pisses the republicans off more than Clinton.

Oh, crap. I have to go to the unemployment office this week. That sucks the life out of you, let me tell ya.

"Maybe I should get a job instead of complaining about the free money the government is giving me-- nah, that'd cut into my requisite 20 meals a day."

I am fifty-five years old. I lived through the sixties and seventies demonstrations and movements.

Bro, what?

I am the bargain lord! I purchased a "new" computer! It's a 600MHz iMac (white jellybean style).

AND THE BOTTOM LINE: IT WAS ONLY $64!!!!!!!!

because MHz is the important measurement.
Oh wait, back in the mid-90s (where our boy is from, evidently) that was the important measurement.
Uhh...
Well as long as we're waving our computer willies around, my computer is 3 GHz (5x faster) and it also has 4 cores, so whatever, white people.
Sometimes I open Oblivion 10 times just because I can.
And that's all I have today. Get out.

Jawesome

I was playing some FFXI last night and finally got around to leveling dragoon. Jump is the coolest ability ever. My character jumps so hard she leaves a dust trail, like she's lifting off. She apparently approaches some sort of sonic speed, too, because she can clear like 10 yards in half a second. It's not a straight line, either, because she goes up and then down, so presumably the path is elliptical.
Somehow the enemies survive this. I'm pretty sure having a harpoon impale your entire body at sonic speeds should be fatal, but I guess rabbits in Vana'diel are tougher than real life rabbits.
So speaking of things that don't like t having extremely phallic objects pierce their supple flesh, this bitch.

Brother: Can you tell? Don't you have some kind of gaydar?
Me: Yeah, but only for girls.
Brother: Fffff-
Me: Yup, only works on my own kind.
Mom: Wait, Jay's a lezzie?
Me: Yeah uh, didn't I tell you this? Like... years ago?
Mom: No...

See what I did there? I did the old double entendre because she's a lesbian.

The PC I've been using for the past 5-6 years is broken for good.

I know when my last PC died I was more relieved than broken. OH THANK GOD, FINALLY SOMETHING SO EXPENSIVE HAS BROKEN IT'LL COST MORE TO REPLACE IT THAN JUST BUYING A NEW ONE.

Things have been pretty up and down lately. The PC has a bunch of viruses, again, so I can't scan any of the horrible things I've drawn lately.

How the fuck is it I have been on the internet for something like 13 years and have never, ever had a virus and yet every single blog I read they claim to have computer viruses again?
Oh that's right, I'm not a complete idiot and don't run things like "freeporn.jpg.exe".

I finally got a new X-Acto knife, which I've been meaning to do for about a year.

I don't even know what to say. How can you shop around for an X-Acto knife that long? Here's what I did when I went shopping for one: "yeah this one seems heavy enough. I guess that'll work" and I still have it.

Finally saw the Watchmen movie. I read the comic a while ago and so much of it went over my head, I really can't complain about the movie being less subtle. I dunno, I liked V for Vendetta but I feel like Alan Moore just really isn't my thing.

>V for Vendetta
>over her head
KNOW WHAT V FOR VENDETTA IS ABOUT?
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT: IT'S IN THE TITLE.
I'm sure some neckbeard comic nerd will argue it was actually about fascism versus anarchy but fuck you, nerd, go back to your comic store.
Here's her recent work with markers.
Maybe I don't understand how drawing works but I know when I was learning how to paint Warhams the importance of coverage was drilled into my head.

I've done a lot of thinking, and it's made me realize something.

Subconsciously or not, I'm always trying to play a role.

Yeah I think they call that persona.
Then they made a really awesome series of video games based off that principle.
"Completely awesome" being unrelated to the subject at hand (this blog), of course.

BLAH BLAH BLAH SHAR--

FUCK SHE JUST VOMITED BLOOD I HAVE TO GO

EDIT: DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS

k

My IRL friends have been huge dicks lately and it's getting to the point where I really don't want anything to do with them. Times like this I really miss public school... I remember one incident in which a girl was arguing with a teacher. The girl was so absolutely wrong and everyone knew it, but all her friends supported and agreed with her anyway.

I always hated this bullshit in school. Shut the fuck up, everyone. The teacher is just trying to get through the fucking day and we're just ticking down time until we go home. Let's not get melodramatic.

It's really made me notice how incredibly unsupportive they really are. I dunno, all my friends are guys, so I guess I can't really blame them for being retarded. It's in their genes... or should I say jeans?

get it

that's where the penis is

because men have penises

hehe

Well you do have a lot in common with guys, do ho.

OVERHEARD DURING SOCCER PRACTICE TODAY

No I don't believe it the girl who plays soccer is a lesbian--
At my school all the cute girls played field hockey, which I've heard from numerous people is pretty much the opposite of any other school.
Now she admits to going to "special ed" school which isn't nearly as interesting as it sounds.
Oh and no more blog.
Well-- at least it was short.
Get out.

Heh llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Today is Monday, January 18th, 2010 and on this momentous (arguably [though certainly not something I'd be arguing]) holiday it's nice to see people aren't posting about it constantly. Possibly because 95% of Livejournal is the complexion of an uncooked breadstick, MLK day hasn't really won Livejournal's approval. But, really, it makes my job a whole lot easier.
So today we have Derek William Armstrong's blog, derekwilliamarmstrong (by Derek William Armstrong) and you'll fucking remember it.

Turtles are loving, affectionate animals.
But, turtles have shells.
Now, that doesn't make them any less loving.
Or, affectionate.

Oh hey a sample of what I have to deal with three times a week. Blind yet? You will be.

Hawks have beautiful, luxurious feathers.
But, hawks are predators.
Now, that doesn't make their feathers any less beautiful.
Or, luxurious.

And here's me not giving a shit.

I don't wanna be wrong
I don't wanna be right
I just want you here
By my side
But when the words I say
are never good enough
to make you feel
the way you wanna feel.

Don't wanna be wrong but don't wanna be right. Deeeeeep.

1. Don't read my livejournals and then complain that they wasted your time. Its my livejournal. Don't read it then, idiot. Really ?

Oh there's a bulletproof defense. WELL IF IT'S SUCH A WASTE OF TIME DON'T READ IT-- well it doesn't make it not shit if I just avoid it, now does it, dipshit?

The rain hadn't so much fallen as it had condensed.
You couldn't say it was dark or light, and the razors of green grass buckled with the weight of yesterdays percipitation.
Being the only person up, it's hard not to notice the smallest of moduled dissapointment.
People are always too happy or too sad when they wake up early.

Not me. I'm too fucking angry.

Don't try and make any sense of this.


I cannot help but feel a little bit ahead of my time.

Oh shit. Stand back, plebs, he's going to be ahead of his time. Let's just ride the Thorazine. Don't even fucking try to make sense of this. It's too deep for your pea-sized brains.

1. "I've done everything you could ever imagine doing, so don't think you'll get away with it."

You've never worked your ass off
to get into a phenominal schools honors program
and raised yourself to be an immaculate human being,

Got me there I guess but my parents did raise me to not be an egomaniac.

You've never pushed yourself to be better
or surprised yourself with a future worthy of kings.

Yeah actually I have, dipshit. In fact a lot of people push themselves to try harder in school. You know how all those kids graduate every year magna cum laude and shit? I think they push themselves at least a little bit.

So don't tell me I am unprepared, ignorant, irresponsible, and lazy.
I am doing something that you could never do.

Like what, major in poetry? Not hard, dude. Some people even major in such useful subjects as medicine and SCIENCE or whatever.
Shit, something more on your level: some people can even manage that and an education major. Because, you know, someone has to teach your dumbass kids.
Well not *your* dumbass kids because unless dudes start dropping babies from their asses you're not having a kid, but you get my meaning.

I don't understand. If my parents offered me all the money I wanted
and a house, and a car, and gas money,
and would pay for everything and i could just "have fun"

I still would not do nothing with my life.

Oh so that's what you're doing that's way ahead of your time? Bro I have you way beat on that front. I just got a perfect IV Tyranitar. I clearly have a lot of free time on my hands.

"Why do you think the author made all of the intelligent and compassionate characters physically beautiful?"
"To antithesize society, like a satire, kind of?"

Antithesize. It's a word, actually, but I'm watching you.

I do not lack humanity. I do, however, lack sympathy.
A boy at my school is in a wheelchair.
He is pushy and rude, never says excuse me
and has run over my toes on more than one occasion.

No, Derek William Armstrong, I'll tell you what you lack. SHUTTING THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOURSELF FOR TWO SECONDS, CHRIST ALL MIGHTY.
I have a question for you, anyone reading this. How many entries have gone by?
In almost any other entry you might be able to hazard a guess that's kind of close to accurate because at least the subject (the degrees of "how much I'm fucking talking about myself" in the case of blogs) varies a little, but for all you know (probably) this is just one continuous entry.

Whats strange to me, however, is the amount of people who are wrong about me. I'm not a complex person,

Ha, ha, no you are not.

It's just strange. And I've already gotten, 'Why do you care what other people think ? As long as you're happy, that's all that matters!'
Which is, of course, the most ignorant thing I've ever heard. In my opinion. My life is entirely molded around what other people think.

Oh no, not what other people think about Derek William Williamson or whatever!

There are 10 of each. You can decide for yourself wether or not I think to highly or lowly of myself. I just thought I'd clear up any misconceptions.

Wow, I can decide for myself about Derek Derek Derekson or whatever! It's just like Fox News. They report, I decide! I feel so empowered.

i have never been drunk, ive never done drugs, i have never smoked
i have never snuck out

I love it when people equate not doing something as self control. No, asshole, you're just doing what you're supposed to be doing. Although when it comes to "self important" you fit the bill, so I can't say I'm surprised.

Lets start this livejournal off with a statement: I am gay.

No, you're kiddin'! Sure could have fooled me, William William Williamson!

But what's strange about it is, no one has ever disliked me for being gay.

Who could hate you for that when it's so much easier to hate you for something that's actually worth hating? Like, I don't know, your personality?

People constantly think that I'm so overly in love with myself that I need to be "knocked down a peg" so I stop thinking so highly of myself.

Can't imagine where they get that idea.

Although I'm not one to judge, and as you'll notice, I called him an asshole the same way he would have called me a faggot, I'm pretty sure he pretended to like me to get into K's pants.

So what, the faghag wouldn't have sex with this yo-yo unless she got her boy's approval?
Whatever, I gotta catch this fucking Beldum. He won't get in the fucking Pokeball, and I can't hit it because all my Pokemon are too fucking strong. Even moves it resists are 1 hit KOs. Then he just struggles himself until it KOs itself, so I have to FALLBACK AND REGROUP.
Catch rate of 3. Goddamn legendaries are easier to catch.

LET US PRAY

I love praying. When I'm sitting there playing Team Fortress 2, or Pokemon or something like that, I like to pray that I'll do well instead of, you know, trying to do well.
Or in school-- I always pray I'll do well on a test instead of, I don't know, studying harder or focusing or something.
It's my belief, along with all the other rational members of society, that if you have time to pray you have time to not act like a fucking pud and do something about it.
So first thing right off the bat our boy is bottomsore.

People who never did anything for anyone else are happier then I am.

Oh well boo-fucking-hoo.

My mom gives me advice. My mom wants me to pray more, just be 'nice', and to have no ambition in life- just like her.

Sounds reasonable to me, actually. Except the whole prayer thing. What is it they say about ambition? Last bastion of defeat, or something?

I've spent most of my time the past few days fixing a eleven year old laptop for resale.

He expects to resell "high", too. I think it'll work out for you, bro. Laptop packing Windows ME will certainly sell for "lots and lots".

Tonight I went to a new home group. I've been wanting to go there for a few months. I love the intensity of it. It's all speaking in tongues this, prophecy and laying on of hands that.

Sounds really "keep your dirty hands off me, slobs. Also, talk right."

I saw Ms. Moses tonight. And I got a ride home with her again. Before I left the car I hugged her again. I couldn't help but touch her poofy coat- she slapped my fingers away gently and asked me to not go all touchy feely.

Wow there's something really creepy about that.

She smiled as I left the car- my parents are inviting her out to eat this monday. I can tag along too. I like to tease her that she's my parents favorite child.

Oh ho I can so imagine the court transcript for this kidnap/rape/murder waiting to happen.
"SHE SMILED AT ME THE WHORE WAS ASKING FOR IT."

We all hanged out in the hotel room with my parents, prayed together, and shared our food with her. She's so hungry- cutting back meals- it's easy to feel compassion for someone prayerful and cute like her.

What were all those sayings that I had to learn when I was roped into sitting through an anti-rape seminar in high school, like I had already raped someone?
No means no, if you're drunk it's still rape, uhh--

It's moments like these- looking for work- striving, trying, that I feel hatred towards Hercules.

How can you hate Hercules? He strangled an invincible lion with his bare hands.
I didn't even know you could kill something invincible, and Hercules did it barefisted.
That's a badass.

He betrayed me, to his boss. Lied about me and got that slut into my job.

(he thinks Hercules is real) oh-- oh this must be a real person nicknamed (possibly seriously named?) Hercules, I guess.

Now its been a struggle for me the past few months to make rent and he's even happier then before. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Forgiveness feels like I'm grinding myself into the gravel. I gain nothing by swallowing my anger and despair and lose everything financially. He's so fucking well off it sucks so much.

Didn't that guy, what was his name? Jesus? Have something to say about forgiveness and shit?
Yeah he did, something about loving your enemies and shit?

I wish I could either find paying work and actually start having a life- a car- a girlfriend I can take out- or buy a revolver and kill that judas and all who stood with him against me before killing myself.

Let's contrast this with what the Biblical Jesus had to say:

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

So sort of similar, right? Forgiving someone a lot versus murder/suicide?
I see a lot of parallels, anyway. Also interesting contrast you have there, bro: "I need to either get a girlfriend or kill myself" Christ all mighty.

Electra invited me to join her singles group.

No don't she's having an affair with her father-- oh, oh right. Goddamn you know a lot of mythological figures in real life. Here I was thinking they were fictional or personifications of abstract concepts (or at the very least dead, Electra would have to be over 2000 years old by now) and yet you know them on a personal basis.

I stayed up too late last night. I was connecting with people over at a web forum. Posting my first erotic story online in my entire life. I've made two contacts there.

What I wouldn't give to read that wreck. You know it's filled to the brim with the most fucked up, Freudian shit you can imagine, too. I think I have a great idea for another Dirty Harry movie, incidentally. Dirty Harry versus THIS GUY.

.She was cute and dressed to the nines with high heels, a one piece dress, and stockings that had numerous runs on the knees. She was trying so hard to dress up. I wondered why. When I sat down on the living room floor with the other people I noticed she made a point of closing her knees. I thought that was so cute. Later she changed into her pajamas near the end of the party- she looked so much more normal and comfortable in them. After I noticed how flat the crotch of them looked when she was sprawled face up on the couch she went out and smoked.

IT WAS CALLAHAN, THE BIG ONE! HE DID THIS TO ME!

It's very hard to talk about my prayer life iwth God since its one of my most private parts of my life.

And yet 21 entries are about his prayers. That kind of makes a liar out of you, doesn't it?

My parents are still living in their car. I now have enough money for a car. I should get a permit.

These thoughts are tangentially connected, I suppose. Usually one would fill the space after "my parents are living in their car" with emotions like regret, sympathy, panic or some sort of plan to have them not living in a car, but I suppose declarative sentences are also appropriate.

She also attends the packed youth group and used to have anger issues. I envy her opportunity and youth.

Envy, greed, wrath, lust-- they should really compile these destructive behaviors into a list or something. Oh, oh that's right. They already did.

I am short on amusing anecdotes to regale friends with.

Well that would require a personality, which as I think we all know, serial killers are deficient--

Anyways, God told me the night we first started sharing a lot of time together (this was at a church meeting) that she was not mine. That she will not be mine. God doesn't use the megaphone voice on me except on the rare occasions when it deals with someone elses well eing.

(He thinks God is talking to him).

However recently if I throw one or two dollars into a collection plate for worthy missionaries I tend to end up with a lot of paying odd-job work coming to me.

This fits neither the 'if you tithe you will have all you need' theory neither the 'God will reward you financially many fold all the time' theory neither the 'God doesn't exist and tithing is irrelevent' theory.

Actually none of those are theories. Theories require physical evidence and shit to substantiate, and all of those aren't even coherent ideas or comment on things that are, by definition, beyond the scope of human understanding but you keep right on trucking, brother.

The last girlfriend I had was in 2004.

She was a technical virgin and wanted me.

I always make a :3 face when girls say that "I'm a technical virgin." "Yeah-huh?" is my response. They get really butthurt when I do that, for some reason. Must be all the dicks in their asses over the years-- OHHHHH.

She helped me to feel hetero for the first time in my 20s.

Trying to find a picture that fits the face I just made but I'm not really finding it.

Wait just found it. If you don't "feel hetero" how do you feel? Homo? Well, whatever. I guess that's all I have today-- hopefully our boy doesn't find this, hunt me down and murder me-- in retrospect, that's very unlikely since 90% of his posts are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Haven't had one of these in a while

So one common complaint in modern video games is how creepily the same all the non-player characters are. They look the same, talk the same, and frequently spout out the exact same lines of dialogs to other clones of themselves.
I don't see how that's a complaint, really, because as I've learned ALL PEOPLE ARE FUCKING IDENTICAL. Art imitating life, etc.
I can literally summarize every single blog I've ever reviewed ever by using five or six archetypes.
Which is your favorite?
Self-important Philosofag, self-important artfag, whiny mentally ill fanfiction writing girl, anorexic girl, Wiccan girl or unidentifiable gender furry?
Quick, guess which one is up today! Assuming you guess at random, you have a 16.666666666repeating chance of guessing, so better make it a good one.
I really would like to see what would happen if one were to put all of these people in a room together. I can only imagine it would smell incredibly offensive in addition to being the most obnoxiously whiny room in existence. It'd probably be a perpetual motion bitch machine. It'd be glorious in how horrifically depressing it would be.

I need a hug.

Well, I need more than a hug. I don't know how much longer I can go on pretending to be almost normal before I snap and rip someone's face off, most likely my own because God forbid that I should hurt anyone else.

I just realized I'm really hungry. Excuse me while I remedy that.
So where was I?

To say that today has been a bad day would be an understatement. It's not that anything in particular happened, it was just my moods seemed more uncontrollable than normal. I can't deal with it.

Hmm, wonder if I can get an Adamant 31 IV Pokemon to pop up in RNGreporter. Maybe today will be my lucky day.
Okay, that'll be about 10 minutes before it spits out THE SAME MODESTFAG IT HAS FOR THE PAST WEEK.

I cannot go from being elated one second to bawling my eyes out, self-harming depressed the next. I just can't do it anymore. I am going to snap.

The doctors suck. They just keep referring me to other people, who send me somewhere else, and they send me to another doctor, and nothing is actually getting done to help me.

Oh wow I just noticed I'm missing some album art for my various MP3s.
Oh iTunes found artwork for everything except three albums. That's-- impressive, actually.
There it is.

I think I'll be dropping out of college (again) soon. I haven't actually been to lessons since late November, and I never wanted to go there anyway.

Oh that reminds me, I should see if any of my classes moved into each other like that hilarious situation that occurred last semester.
Nope, looks good.

I am tired of doing what my family wants. I'm almost nineteen years old. I think I'll just get a normal job, maybe in a pub or something, get mental help (if the doctors actually pull themselves together) and write in my freetime.

Let's see how RNGreporter is progressing-- looks like one match found, so that'll be that Modestfag I mentioned-- hmm.
It's not even anything good, either. It's ability 0 so you can't even get a good Gardevoir out of that (I'd just breed one anyway, I have a male Ralts with half perfect IVs from my Mismagius) so I don't really know--

You know a band that you like for ages, but then you end up loosing their music, forget about them but always have the feeling that you're missing something good? That is what I had with Delays. I loved them a couple of years ago, deleated my harddrive and lost them.

Ah, RNGreporter is done and-- yep, Modestfag.
Goddamn.
Well I guess I could breed a Gyarados, but that would be really involved and it won't be in a cool diveball. Guess I'll keep trying.

I think that is all for now. Back to being depressed and trying to work up the courage to tell my nan I want to quit college (again), get a job and move out because she is driving me insane(er).

Huh, Gardevoir is now considered "never used". That's sad, really. Don't worry, Gardevoir, I'll be sure to get one of you and use you. In the over used tier, even.

My arse is killing me.

:3 stop putting so many dicks in there and maybe it won't hurt so--

Not for any kinky/gross medical reason.

Oh. Whatever. What was I doing? Ah yes, tier lists.

I may have did done a bad thing.

Bodyshop kept crashing, so I deleated my 18GB downloads folder.

What is "Mahjong Titans" and why is it on my computer?
Oh free Windows games-- I want the Spider layout, please.
Ah. No idea what I'm looking at, here-- no, no that doesn't really help-- oh, two tiles went away when I clicked on them. Great.
It's a cleanup simulator.
Tile blocked, but two other tiles in the exact same situation aren't blocked. I don't get this.
Yes I want to quit, Windows. Oh sure, go ahead and save. I'm sure I'll be revisiting (I might be lying).

I want to pass this class with an A grade, and go on to get my PhD in Creative Writing, and they are always talking really loudly so I can't even hear the teacher.

Heh, money well spent.

Proof that you need mental help:

You burst into tears because you can't get the fucking letter to the mental help experts into the envelop. After hours of filling out a five page questionare on my mental-ness, I could not fold the thing right to get it in the envelop.

I'm going to go kill myself now.

Wow. What a failure.

I am 5 foot 4. My boobs are 36 DD and still growing. I'm not fat.

At least try to lie convincingly, Christ.
Oh, what, RNGreporter? No reasonable seed found? Yeah, your mother.
Oh, I was off by a minute. Probably should have checked that closer, oh well.

A bit chubby, maybe, but it's no excuse for the bitches to be so fecking enormous!

Delay 1157. Maybe that'll help find good shit?
Doesn't seem to be.
Oh well, I think I best be off to solve this riddle.
Wait, what was I reviewing?
Guess it doesn't really matter~

Hmm.

Today I've found some kind of something, I don't know. I think she might be what they call an "Otherkin". Basically, you have furries, who pretend they're animals, right, and then you have Otherkin, which is the same shit only they think they're elves or fairies or other such like fantasy creatures that I frequently slaughter with reckless abandon in the vidya.
Purge the unclean~

*cries quietly*

I used to attend a program before I moved. Most of you know this.

Yes, most of us do keep regular tabs on your life.
Ugh, whatever.
Waste of my fucking time with posts counting down the new year, knock that off--

My Christmas was the best for the simple fact that I was also with family. Even if I was a little hurt by the whole conversation thing, I, like mama, simply love it when we're all just together, talking, laughing and being a family.

A little hurt? Impending bottomsore post.
Ah ha, I sure can call it. Next post: "ignored and alone"
awww poor baby :(

I don't even know why I bother trying to say things when unfamiliar company is around. Even the familiar people just cut me off and ignore me completely to talk to the new people.

Oh sorry I totally got sidetracked. Were you saying something?
Which would you rather: someone cut you off, or just get totally ignored?

They may not think it bothers me, but it does. I hate it. It just makes me feel like the little blind girl trying to play at a big girl's game.

Err, what? Usually when you go for the simile it's a common thing everyone understands (kind of the point, expressing something unfamiliar through familiar terms) but since not many people know exactly what "a big girl's game" is or how a "little blind girl" would do at said game, you kind of lose your audience.
... This is probably why people don't listen to you, come to think of it.

I really shouldn't let it bother me, I know. But I can't help it.

Yeah, actually, you can help it.
You can stop being such a goddamn dork and assert yourself.

Okay, somebody please kill me now. No, I'm serious. Take something and smack me over the head with it. *spikes fingers through hair* Shit. I am

Spikes fingers through hair? Is that necessary, honestly?

such an idiot. Hell, I'm thinking of closing out my facebook completely. I wrote some really hurtful stuff up there while angry and my mom saw it.

Hurr I'm a durr

What, the fuck, Samara. Go kill your fucking self.

Yes, do.

You know something? I don't even know why I lit on that particular thing. (I ranted about setting $50 aside each month to go not into my savings account but another account altogether that's joint moderated so to speak by me and my mom.) It's different and a bit uncomfortable just because it's new, but hell!

Err-- okay--

Even I can see it's a good idea! *shakes head* Why did I light on that particular topic? Maybe because it was there. And now look at me. She'll never wanna
recommend anything for fear of my retribution and no matter what happens, that'll always be in her mind. I'm gonna go drown myself now.

Did I miss something? What's the fucking problem, exactly?

Okay, I was sick. Nearly all over the bathroom floor. Thank God for toilets. My stomach is roiling with my self-loathing and disgust. I cannot believe I wrote that stuff! When I'm angry, I always do that! Always say things I know I don't believe! And then it gets back to that person and it ends up hurting them!

Goddamn I think I see why people ignore you.

I just want to bury myself alive or drown myself or purposefully get hit by a car or do something equally reckless that'll rid the world of my gangreen-like presence.

Oh yeah, great, get everyone else involved in your suicide. Self-important twat.
Also it's "gangrene" you illiterate. I know Livejournal has a spell check, there's no fucking excuse for that.

It's real. What daughter hurts their loving, gentle, helpful mother for no reason? Yes, you on the right.

You do?

Ding ding ding ding! Yes! 2 million bucks to the man on the riiiiiiiiiight!

I do, dammit!

How am I ever going to face her? Gramma says I should call her because she's really, really hurt.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING?

*drops head into hands* God, somebody please kill me.

• Emotion of the Moment::ashamed, worthless, vile, dead
• Name That Tune::Tourniquet by Evanescence

Great.
Now here's a story she wrote. It's fanfiction about The Lord of the Rings, which contains this rather perplexing gem:

Story Rating: NC17
Chapter Rating: PG13
Worksafe?: Yes

So the entire story is NC17 (a rating reserved for porn, which is what this is) but for this particular chapter it's okay to read if you're 13.
Also it's work-safe, which is good because everyone knows when you're reading porn at a glance.
Also that's what The Lord of the Rings (The Hobbit, the prequel to said saga, is actually a story intended for children) contained a lot of: pornography.
One might argue (which is just a soft way of saying "you missed the fucking point") The Lord of the Rings was written as a historical account and didn't contain a lot in the way of character development, so your fixation on the characters is pretty fucking dumb.

*squawks around ecstatically* I diiiiiiid iiiiiiiiiit! I know how to work with the bloody software now! Oh, blessed be my previous teacher! I just followed what he did in the other site as well as read the manual and didn't allow myself to get infuriated and blow it all off! Go me! Look? I'm already more mellow and I haven't even moved yet!

What-- no, no, forget it.
Oh she's trying to figure out PHP. Whatever, cunt.

*sings* It's my birthday and I'll be stupid if I want to, stupid if I want to, stupid if I want toooooooooooo...

Wheeeeeeeeee! Me 23 now! Now my life over. I all old now.

*giggles*

Me just kiddin!

I has to be silly because I can.

I just skipped through about 40 entries because I couldn't bring myself to reading any of her bullshit. My eyes were unfocused the entire time. I think I almost slipped into a coma.
I guess I'm going to go grind my Scizor up to level 100.

This'll end well.

I always enjoy it when one of these bloggers bangs on about how lucky they are and how great their boyfriend is or whatever.
Because, as we all know, Luck is a capricious goddess, and her smile will inevitably turn into this frowny face: :C
So with that grave warning behind us, let's get right to it.
Truly it is better to live a life untouched by fortune than it is to have it turn against you.

I don't even know where to begin.
I love my life right now, so much.

I'm back in new york again, living with my wonderful boyfriend and it's going so well.
I have the best friends anyone could ask for.
I have my own room in our house!!!
My birthday is coming up soon!
I'm going to be doing some modeling pretty soon also!
I'm getting more tattoos soon also!

The only thing I have to worry about is how I'm going to get rent money :(

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah this'll turn. She'll get kicked out because NO MONEY, her boyfriend will turn out to (shock) be an asshole, she'll grow tired of her friends not acting exactly like she wants-- I've seen it all before.

You said
'I'm done feeling like a skeleton,
No more sleep walking dead.'
You're gonna wake from this coma,

Being a skeleton would be awesome.
Or, even better, a mummy. Like in that episode of Johnny Quest? Holy shit, that mummy was like the Terminator.
Then Race shot the ceiling above the mummy and the roof caved in (for some reason) and crushed the mummy and that other evil guy with a fez (is there ever a good guy with a fez?)
Just like Terminator.

I think this is going to be the most personal entry I've written in a long time, if not ever.
I had a break down tonight.
Or an epiphany, I guess depends on how you look at it.

k
I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading.

I need to stop drinking. I need to stop doing drugs. I need to get the shit I want to accomplished. I need to become something that I value.
I need to quit drinking, because when I am sober, I freak out. I break down, and I freak out. Drinking makes it so I don't have to think about things.

Uh-huh-- wait, why do you need to quit drinking, again? This is a strong case for drinking, actually.
OH MY GOD THIS ENTRY IS AS LONG AS MY ENTIRE BLOG PUT TOGETHER.

got molested in New York City. I was trying to make money, and I went on craigslist and some dude said that he needed to practice back massages and he'd pay $40 to let him give me a back massage. Getting PAID for a back massage??? I was all over it! But he obviously had other intentions in mind.

... NO, you're kiddin'!

Bone Saw said I handeled that situtation incredibly well but I actually just began drinking more.

Well if you ever need someone tuned up your friend nicknamed Bone Saw would certainly be the logical choice.
I wish I had a friend named Bone Saw. That'd be awesome.
I bet he dresses like a 1930s gangster.

This is why I have been drinking so much for the past year. It may not seem like alot to some people, and it probably isn't.

... You got raped (possibly? I don't know), arrested and you have a friend named Bone Saw.
I'd say that's enough, actually.
Of course you are a drama queen and 3/4ths of this probably didn't even happen (and what did was not nearly like how you describe it).

I'm done fucking up. I'm done drinking, I'm done giving myself stupid ass fucking tattoos,

Post made: December 1st, 2009.
Dum-de-dum-- oh hey, what's this? Post made... Today, January 8th, 2010?

I'm getting more tattoos soon also!

Huh, how about that?

I AM DONE WITH BULLSHIT.
Mad changes are about to come down.




You'll be happy.

Yes, truly my life is brighter knowing that SUNSHINEINLOVE is making "mad changes".
Now here's a compilation of "all her favorite Bright Eye lyrics" and I have to scroll like a madman to get past this post. Christ, what, did you just post their entire discography in written form?

...I'M STILL FUCKING SCROLLING.

i finally got rid of my lice ive had for like 3 weeks.
i think.

... Ew, what the fuck is wrong with you? Somehow I doubt you're modeling, bedbug.
I think they usually like their models washed and shit.

sometimes i feel so in love, with not only people, but every thing, my life, the world.

Wow I suddenly really have to take a piss. I wonder if this blog causes urinary track infections?
Probably should be a warning on that.
No everything checked out.

ok the end bone sawww (the best girl in the world) needs the computer now goodbye,

Oh, Bone Saw is a girl.
Why am I suddenly reminded of Persona 4? You know, where the gay kid and the girl that cross dresses really hit it off?
I'm not sure who is who in this, but-- actually no, those characters had redeeming qualities and were likable all the way around, whereas this blog kind of makes me think I have a urinary track infection.
Also whereas the gay kid came to terms with who he was and the cross dressing girl kind of blossomed or whatever, I somehow doubt I'll come to any satisfactory character growth from this blog.
To make a long point short: I've seem more character development from a Digimon.
OH MY GOD THE WORLD'S LONGEST PARAGRAPH.
That got an audible reaction from me, not even kidding.
I think that's why I was reminded of Persona 4, actually. The color scheme. A lot of black on yellow from both parties.

P.s. I finally got dreads!!

There is no way you don't smell bad.

I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy. I mean, I love being single!!!!!!!!!! I think it is the best thing ever to happen. I love love love it. I'm the first one to encourage someone to break up with someone else, simply because I know being single is more fun.

Funny, because in... Well, none of your posts that I've seen have you been single.

i waited and i waited and i waited...

and finally! he called me!!!!!!!!!!! :)))

i feel like an idiot! im one of those girls who waits for boys to call her :( but it was way worth it!

Yeah, speaking of.
Well anyway I could deal with this asshole forever but quite frankly I have 10,000 coins to get so I can buy Thunderbolt in Pokemon, so I'm very busy.

Basically perfect, so hit me with your best shot

So it took a little more than two steps (three steps) and a lot longer than expected (it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize any NPC movement in the zone, regardless of whether or not they were visible on screen fucked the whole process up) but I did it. Perfect IV Mismagius.
Whether or not this is an ideal arrangement is academic, really. She misses out on hidden power fighting (and therefore has imperfect coverage), but gains a perfect speed IV and therefore outspeeds both Honchkrow and other Mismagiuses (Mismagii?) so I'm okay with this.
I have also not been neglecting FFXI, and am now level 51 and have to level both ninja (:C) and dragoon now (:c).
If you can outdo this you are a LYING CUNT, so let's dig right in.

Dressing up and wearing new clothes makes me feel pretty and good about myself (I think I want to get another haircut for even shorter hair).

hurr hurr

Even though after early release school today the guys and I didn't do anything, I got a ride home and right now pumping some music still feeling so good!

Oh my God what is this song? It's-- it's horrific. They took all the shitty music of a shitty music year and blended it into one thing. Holy shit, it's like a universal still point of shitty music! It's like every point of time existed solely to come to this moment.
This must be what the Bible as banging on about in the Book of Revelation with the Trumpets of Jericho and the four horsemen and shit.
Quick, someone call the Vatican. I'm wrong about everything, and I've found the Antichrist.

I am going to channel all my energy to making myself feel good despite what has happened, and focus hard on homework.

Despite THE END TIMES I'm going to try hard to focus on homework.
Now we come to my favorite part of blogtime: shitty poetry.
There's a lot and I'm not going through all this, so I'm going to pick out a couple based solely on the accompanied "current mood" tag.
Here our sweet Juliet (her name is Julie, roll with me on this, all right) is "rejected" so let's see.
Presumably the title is actually the first line of the poem, otherwise it would start with "but", and that's not proper grammar.
Not that it would stop anyone, but whatever, let's just assume.

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song...

Wow that was... Wow. I hear tell there's this thing in writing called, what was it, "imagery"? Yeah, something about describing images or something.
You know that song by Duran Duran, Hungry Like The Wolf?
No of course you don't. Well look it up, and that's kind of what imagery is like. See, he's in touch with the ground and shit? Yeah, that sets the mood. It also employs something called an "extended metaphor". Specifically, in this case, a simile. You remember that shit, don't you? Comparison using "like" or "as"?
See, he's not actually a wolf, but he's like one, and that helps build the image and the tension of the story--
Well whatever.
Oh great now she's quoting from that song by that bitch, what's her face, Kesha (not spelling that with a dollar sign get fucked). Which reminds me of another thing I abhor: the song "Tik Tok" by Kesha.
Oh and there's her picture.
Yeah she's a cute girl. I'm not sure what her fucking problem is otherwise, but she's cute.
Now here's another poem, called "Hope Like an Ocean" which I don't know how I can "hope like an ocean" or if an ocean can even hope, but let's find out.

Well I rise and fall I hit the ground,
I just don’t know where to turn,
But the good lord he told me that,
Some day you’ve got to learn
That hope like the ocean will return with tide,
Don’t get lost in the moment,
You gotta see that there’s more to life

So-- hope, like an ocean, is something? Is that the comparison we're going with here?

Don’t be so pessimistic
Not a reason in the world to complain
Don’t waste a moment
Feel the sunlight shine on your face
You’ve gotta be optimistic
See the world from a different view
Don’t waste a minute
This life might escape from you

Wow, that's deep. Don't be pessimistic, be optimistic! You know when you describe two interchangeable states of mind it doesn't really make sense, right? You could have just as easily said "don't be happy, be angry!" or "don't be fatalistic, be nihilistic!"

Recently, I started talking to myself in the mirror >___>. It seems like lately I have to lie quite a lot. I feel terrible but I was told to, in order to deceive a family member for their own good.

Lie constantly. There's never a good reason to tell the truth.

There's a FORK in my UTERUS. Twisting. Aching. OW.

Wow.
I have a pen knife in my testicle right now.
Don't see me complaining, do you?

*Fork in uterus is metaphorically describing how I feel right now.

Oh.
OH WELL FUCK YOU. You do know what a metaphor is, so what the fuck is with you poetry?
Goddamn, people.
Now there's one of those meme things where she posts a ton of personal information-- yeah I think we're going to skip that, Christ. Make it easy for a stalker, why don't you?

I dealed to 8-14 people for Texas Hold'em. It was fun, but also very stressful as I had to start making lots of sidepots for when people did all-in.

Texas Hold'em, like all things Texas, is really just a facade of something invented by other, superior cultures.
Also cool grammar on "dealed". What are you, five?
Now here's her Halloween costume and she went as Ash Ketchum from Pokemon.
Yeah I don't know what that's about, but we can trade Pokemon, if you'd like.
I'm not using creepy double entendre, either. I need a Tyranitar :(
Besides, the bitches are so turned on by my Pokemon skills I don't need double entendre.
Also: girl dressing up as a boy. Very Freudian.
Well my darlings I think that's all for today. You're pretty boring, Julie. I suggest livening up some, or having some interesting thoughts or personality traits or something.
I've seen more character from my Pokemon, do ho.

Oh.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so I clicked on this "blog spotlight" entry called "wtf_sexism" and I had to agree that I was 14 years or older before I was even let through the door, then I had to click on each individual entry because it had content "not suitable for minors". Most porn doesn't have this much in the way of safety checks. After all this work I'd expect some PG-13 action, but no, just boring words and bitching.
WHICH IS REDUNDANT, AM I RIGHT GUYS? WOMEN AND BITCHING? HUH? (hopefully they'll see this and I'll get a free plug)
On to a group that isn't quite as boring.
Maybe it's because I'm the antithesis of ADHD (I just bred a Pokemon with four out of 6 perfect IVs in a brilliant two part strategy that took 3 days, which required me to enter a death-like torpor to achieve, and this is an activity I supposedly do for fun, although at the end it probably wasn't that fun) but I always found ADHD to be a very convenient excuse.
Oh sure, I'm sure many people do suffer from it, but you'd think such a "debilitating disease" that's supposedly so rampant would have had more of an impact on the human race before now.

Hello guys, I must say that I'm feeling really blessed that you guys are here. It's a relief to find others that think like me.

So here we enter the first part of the blog that I have trouble with. Is ADHD a thought process or a disease? Is it both? Can a thought pattern be a disease? If it can be, isn't that approaching (or indeed arriving at) the exact same logic used by the Inquisition in Warhammer to burn people?

Are any of you guys graphic designers/creatives by trade? I am, and I'm scared to to death that Adderall or Strattera or whatever they put me on will kill my creativity.

Isn't that how you "creative types" touch the cosmos or whatever it is you do?
Personally I'm just a roiling Kodachrome sea of creativity so anything to still THE FURY would be helpful, but I suppose those of a more demure talent would be worried about such things.
Of course I don't need such things because I LIVE ON THE EDGE.
LIVING ON THE EDGE?
MORE LIKE LIVING ON A PRAYER.
Now here's another entry "only for adults".
Well, fortunately, I think I fit that criteria so here we go:

Does ADHD affect your sex life? I find that it may be affecting mine. I get distracted when I'm with my partner. He's being romantic, affectionate, sweet, doing all the right things, and then I remember that I need a new bra and where I should get one and is there anything else I wanted at that shop - I have been thinking about getting that CD, but I could get it cheaper in this other store etc etc etc ad nauseum.

You see my predicament.

Any tips?

Yeah I do, actually, "Taiba": don't be such a dead fish in bed. Try giving a little and maybe it won't be such a blanket mediocre for all parties involved (which I like to imagine seventeen parties involved to keep your white bread hum-drum sex life as distant as possible, thanks).

I hate that I need medication just to go to a movie or a party. I hate that I have to be so careful about who I tell, because they might stigmatise me. I hate that, because of ADHD and a lack of support and understanding in The Real World, my first year of full-time work was much more painful than it should have been.

Wasn't "The Real World" (proper noun) a TV show a few years back? Wasn't Fred Savage involved and some ridiculous lead female character with a name like Tapioca?
Wow I sure do know a lot of gay shit.
Oh, no, The Real World is where a bunch of strangers live together.
What the fuck am I thinking of?
Ah, Boy Meets World.
And that wasn't Fred Savage but his brother Ben Savage.
Great.

I read Delivered from Distraction and the author had included on chapter that had a series of mental exercises that should help improve attention. I haven't done any of those yet (drawing a line with one hand and a circle with the other at the same time sounds hard) but I'm going to start including those during the day and was wondering if there's any other mental exercises that are good for ADHD.

So you had enough mental faculties to buy and read an entire book without becoming distracted and put serious thought into doing the mental exercises the book recommends-- I don't really know what to say, honestly.

My coach/therapist asks me: "Why are decisions so difficult for you?"

I don't know!!! Why are they???

Why are you looking to strangers on the internet for personal answers? Could it be because you don't actually have an opinion?
Here, I'll answer for you: it's because you're a cunt devoid of personality, ergo no personal opinions to be had. If your opinion cannot be determined factually, you can't make it.
How to fix this: I don't know, maybe focusing less on yourself (for once)?

We are having a medieval wedding, pre-1100. I have pretty much decided what I want for a dress and how I'll do my hair, though I have no idea what to wear on my feet.

Oh, time traveling for your wedding? I hear Antioch is beautiful that time of the millennium.

We're Anglican, and my uncle is an Anglican bishop, and I've asked him to take the ceremony, and I just got confirmation from the priest in charge at his cathedral that we can have the cathedral for either date.

Uh-huh-- wait.
>Anglican wedding
>pre-1100
Pretty sure that's impossible.
Now here's a post that uses "we" and "us" as if the writer is royalty or perhaps speaking for all ADHD sufferers.

As are the similarities between this obscure folktale and Lancelot in L' Mort d' Arthur (OMG, there is no way Malory* didn't know about this Irish folktale)¹

Sir Thomas Malory was Welsh so probably-- no, he probably didn't know it, actually.
What does this have to do with ADHD, exactly, outside of you showing off your (modestly) impressive knowledge of English literature? Also I'm pretty sure it's properly called "Le Mort d'Arthur" so good job remembering how to spell the title, putz.

Anyone else have experiences like that? Crappy short-term memory, but a ridiculous range of random facts and memories that you're not sure how you acquired? I love that we have all of these random, wide-ranging resources at our mental fingertips and yet we can barely remember to lock the door on the way out to work. ;p

Yeah, I call it "thinking".
Whatever, white people. I have to move my timid Synchronizing Ralts to Pokemon Pearl to catch a female timid Misdreavus so I can continue my GRAND SCHEME. I'm very busy with work far too important to continue wasting on drivel like this.