A girl whining

that no one understands her--
You know, I didn't specifically look for a blog about this subject. I was kind of being facetious last Friday but that's kind of how it worked out.
So Christfag Wednesday it is, if I had to guess.
I really am psychic.
We're skipping the writer's block because it's PUMPKIN CARVING XP bullshit and no one cares--
I mean, I don't care anyway but today I especially don't care.

It's kinda funny how I went from being the loneliest bastard just a couple weeks ago, to having a few men competing for my attention.

The DELUUUUUUSIONS of a crazy or a group of completely beta male faggots?
I will leave that as an exercise for the reader.

I just don't know what to do, I don't like any one in particular more than the other. I can't decide which is cutest, who I enjoy being with more, who has the most potential....

In this case you need a completely impartial judge.
I consider myself a capable judge.

I feel a deep attraction to Mitchell that I don't understand. I've just always thought he was so cute, but I was also under the impression that he didn't like me.

Stupid name.
Next choice--

That's what Laura always told me, that Mitch hates everyone and he thinks I'm annoying.

On second thought, Mitchell sounds like a reasonable man.

But that seems to not be true, he says that she was worried we'd start dating. I always kinda thought that was the case, just from how she talked about him... And how whenever she'd want to do something with him and I was like, "sure invite him along" she'd be like, "no I don't want to have to listen to him talk about you". So I was surprised when I hung out with him that he was really easy to talk to.

Who is this friend who censors who you get to talk to? Tell her to get fucked.
Literally. I think she needs a nice dicking to calm down.

We went for a walk out in the freezing cold and got drunk. We were sitting at a park and I commented on how it was cold and he put his jacket on me,

This is really interesting and all but can you stop talking about it?
Oh hey, I just stopped reading it.
That's a neat trick~

This is what my horoscope said today: "Perhaps it is the sense of intrigue that surrounds a certain person that attracts you like a moth to a flame.

This is what my horoscope said today: "you are a stupid cunt for taking your horoscope seriously."

Pretty fuckin' freaky, seeing as I literally spent the whole entire day thinking about how attracted I am to Joey.

Joey, Mitchell--
Whoa, weird nostalgia rush. Remember that blog from about a year and a half ago where it seemed like some slut was fucking half the planet and I had to keep the names straight?
Heh, good memories.

And I got to hang out with him today, even though I wouldn't say I got to know him much better.

I distinctly recall worrying I'd have to put up with a ton of stupid Halloween posts today.
Glad that fear was unfounded. Actually, no, I'd rather slog through 50 bullshit Halloween posts than read this nonsense.

I remember thinking, "I have no idea what it is that's attracting me to him so much, but I just get this feeling from him. I like his energy frequency; it feels right to me". wow. I'm just still so scared I might have scared him away somehow, by something I said or my high anxiety level or anything, I don't fucking know.

You're really stupid.
I know I say that a lot but for real you are stupid. You are legitimately stupid the old fashioned way.

There was this one weird moment of silence and my thoughts kind of drifted off to when I first realized how cute he was.

Hand of the Gods is such a good ability, did I even tell mention this?
It's a free 50% in any craft. It's great.
Between Maker's Muse, Preserve, Fulfillment and Hand of the Gods it's basically impossible to fail a synth.

So I'm thinking about how a couple weeks ago I met this one boy. I can't remember if it was two weeks ago or just a week, but regardless I've been texting this boy every day since I met him.

I think we're in this for the long haul. Do you think about anything else besides how best to fill your cavernous twat?
I'd wager you don't if I had to go off these last three entries.

One boy she flagged down stopped and said, "you're too pretty to be smoking, you guys don't really smoke". Very flattering,

What a douchebag. Is that what girls really want to hear?
Serious?
Baby, I don't even care if you smoke. Give me some of that toxic.
No there's no way you're old enough to be legally allowed to smoke.
That's the part I find unbelievable.

but I don't care because I don't like being hit on, I just genuinely do not care. So the boy turns to say to his friend, "hey come here, do these girls smoke?"

"Gee, I guess they do by virtue that I'm watching them smoke. Any other obvious things I can point out to you, dipshit?"
... This is why I have no friends.

and he says, "no, I don't think so" and the guy goes on to say, "see, too pretty for that".

Look, I'm sure it won't win me any points with either men or women but I'd be willing to punch this cocksucker in the solar plexus for free, honey.
I'm not even hitting on you. I consider this a matter of honor.

But I still don't care because I'm too busy trying to not get caught starring at the guy's cute friend.

I'll throw in a solar plexus punch for him, too, if you're interested.
Your lungs are my speed bags.

We end up talking (or more like Aly ends up flirting with king of creepy compliments, Steven I think was his name? & the cute friend's name is Joey, which peaks my interest because that's probably my favorite name.

Idiots of the internet: peak and pique are different words.

So Steve and Joey come to my car with us to help direct us to Joey's house. We got there and me and Aly decide it's time to get high, and ask who's down to smoke with us. Steve is too cool for that and declines but I remember Joey like, nodding that he would or something like that and I was like, "really you're going to smoke with us? I like you already".

I can't believe I signed off my game to read this. What the fuck is wrong with me, anyway?
I could be leveling shit. Weaver level 46, getting to 47. Three more ranks, motherfuck.

Turns out he's a cancer, which is great because I love my water signs. I mean, four out of four of my serious relationships were with water signs.

I read that first sentence literally when I first saw it. Then I saw the other bullshit.
I will agree he is a cancer, but the kind that should be excised.

And we all talked about music briefly and out of all the guys there, I approved of his taste the most. Hell, we even debated the existence of aliens and he's a believer, his friends aren't.

The Eldar are capricious and deceitful by nature.

So all the men there kept losing points but here's Joey, win win winning one after another.

The galaxy cannot know peace until only man remains.

But then it started getting late and I wanted to go home, but Aly wouldn't come with me. I get panicky when I have to drive by myself, especially seeing as I had no clue where I was....

Huh, your slut friend turned out to be a slut.
That was really difficult to see coming.

I'd never been in Edina before. But dumbass me had to go and turn the whole argument into criticizing her parenting abilities since she wouldn't go home to her son, and how she's a bad friend for making me go alone when she knows how I get in situations like that.

You know not to take sides (especially when I find both sides so gross) but I have to side with you on this one. She is a bad mother and a bad friend. She should at least go home to her bastard because I'm sure he doesn't know his father.
Son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you.
Man, that was a great movie. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. Great movie, or greatest movie?

But she wouldn't budge, and I got pissed and started lecturing her. And when that didn't work I started panicking. Like, full on can't catch my breath sort of panicking.

Ever consider getting new friends?
Holy Christ this story goes on and on about shit I don't care about.
Here's how it ends, basically: "I'm a dumb slut and all my friends are dumb sluts too and Joey is a complete tool factory."
There, saved everyone fifteen paragraphs of nonsense.

I can't handle any other classes. I can't tolerate psychology. It's actually really fascinating. I do all the required reading and don't feel as if I'm being pushed against my will, but for some reason I just can't stick with the routine.

Oh man, psychology.
Took notes for the girl with some kind of palsy of some kind.
School offers me money for that shit but nah, I'm too cool for that shit.
I gave her my master copy notes, too, because I'm just taking notes for my own amusement in class. I don't need them.
Everyone liked me in that class because I'm pretty stand up and excel naturally.

Every week we're assigned 15-30 pages of easy reading, an article from the most current psychological studies and we have to write a one page paper summarizing the article for seminar.

Sounds vaguely like the class I took.
Although there was way more reading.

I attend class, I do the reading, I participate in seminar, but SOMEHOW I seem to be missing 4 out of the 5 summaries we've written.

Attend class, shoot the shit with the palsy girl, talk to that weird guy in the back, make fun of the weirder guy up in the front of the room-- good times.

It seems like the times that I actually do it, it turns out to be one of the weeks where we just have discussion. Or it was supposed to be turned in early.

What's it like knowing you were born inferior?

Or I can't make it to a printer and still make it to the session on time. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not cut out for college. Maybe the only thing I'll ever be good at is art. I mean, I can whip out a pretty decent painting in under two hours, a feat that seems to stun everyone.

Common birth, common man.

No where. I have no job prospects. And plus I know that's not my calling. I know my purpose in life is to help people, with my interest in humanitarian issues and the human mind. But I've gotta face it, I can't do college.

I'm deeply interested in humanitarian issues, too.
I am a humanitarian.

It's funny because lately I've been thinking about what exactly it is that I'm searching for from leaving Michael, and I'm coming up short. It's like the more I think about it, the less it makes sense.

I actually found out there's a name for my own unique brand of philosophy. It's called consequentialism and some pussies have called it the direst philosophical stance you can take, beyond even pessimism and fatalism.
I disagree, though.
Consequentialism is really just a natural extension of pessimism. Pessimism just states people are assholes. Consequentialism addresses what you can do about it.
I remember in my college philosophy class the professor said he hoped we would discover a world outlook that would avoid consequentialism.
That's pretty rude, really. What if I said "well gee, professor, I hope you discover a worldview that avoids Christianity"? I'd be thrown out, I bet.

The more ridiculous it seems that I just simply wanted to try something else. The more people I'm around, the more I realize I wouldn't ever want to be with them.

For all our differences we sure reached the same conclusion about people.
Of course, I wouldn't turn the phrase "wouldn't ever" (hint: never is a word).

I start to wish I could go back and skip all the bad parts, just cut them out. And just when I start to notice the little feeble voice in the back of my head that tells me there's really nothing more that I'm looking for, he goes and practically gets a new girlfriend. It occurred to me the other day that I can't exactly imagine myself really spending life with anyone else.

Oh you were talking about some dumb boyfriend. I was speaking about humanity at large.
Yeah I don't understand the negativity these philosophers have about consequentialism. It just states that the consequences of an action determine whether its ethical or not. I understand that does allow for some extreme interpretations (like killing people for personal gain) but there's still room for ethical altruism.
In fact, ultimately I think it's the most honest position you can take on an issue. You can have the best of intentions but if you're an asshole, you're an asshole.

I don't know if I could tolerate anyone else and I don't know if anyone else could tolerate me.

I can't imagine myself tolerating you.
That's okay, though, someone told me recently I'm not the most tolerant person ever.
Man, I've had some lip.
I'm intolerant, I have a dangerous worldview--
but I took notes for palsy girl for 0 economic gain, which I could have had.
Oh well.
Jesus Christ was much maligned in his own time, too.

But practically the same day that this occurs to me, I find out he's going for someone else. It must be a sign, right?

And yes I just compared myself to Jesus Christ.

I get this sick feeling that I'm getting a whopping dose of karma. I mean, I know I've wanted to be alone. & I haven't had that much of an interest in any guy, at least not in the way where I'd want to date them.

Not how karma works~

So here’s what happened:
Black and white, untainted by emotion, clear and simple…

Once upon a time, I had a friend named Nik. We spent the summer together, having fun just trying to get over life.

So I think we've established this is "girl who always needs to be in a relationship".
But what have her relationships accomplished?
Nothing but misery as near as I can tell.
So they're completely worthless.

Needless to say we developed feelings for each other, since we’d been spending all our time together and we honestly had no one else. Things went too far when we were both in a black-out stupor.

As things tend to do when you're in a blackout stupor.
In all of your years on this earth have you ever heard a story that contains the phrase "blackout stupor" that ends with "and everything turned out better than expected"?

I remember only him whispering in my ear, “please, please, please” and the marks left on my skin… and I remember feeling trapped, not knowing how I ended up soaking wet on the floor of my bedroom, not knowing where to go from there…

Step 1: determine why you're soaked
Step 2: hope it isn't urine

& he’d tell me, “Kelsey you’re so sexy, with that compact little waist and belly button piercing… Those little pointed shoulders, just the kind that I like…”

All right calm down, Green River Killer.
Long story short: they're both assholes.
I feel like I conclude that a lot.

I haven't even gotten to talk about my therapist yet. She's typical. She's this older lady that's not really THAT old but her hair's grey from a life of stress and she talks with a funny accent. But she was nice enough. I just really felt like she didn't REALLY understand anything I said. It seemed like she took everything I said in the wrong way because she was trying to fit me into some stereotypical psychopath category.

You are fucking nuts.
And full of yourself.
And a bad person.

Kinda like all she understood of humans and their thoughts and behavior came from textbooks. Maybe I only think that because once she thought she had me figured out, she read me what she thought my condition was out of a fucking textbook.

I've figured you out from this blog. All you need to do is forward it to a good brain shrinker and he'd figure it right the fuck out.
You have narcissistic and self destructive tendencies and you might also be bipolar.
But unlike a shrink I don't believe this is a chemical thing. I think it's a lack of character on your part. You are a weak person.

Then after I got home, my mom called me to "check on how everything went". I guess she was really concerned about how I was doing, as if going to therapy is going to make me go all crazy and kill myself. I'm already fucking crazy, therapy isn't going to bring up something I haven't already thought about and accepted.

The only solution I can think of is adversity.
Maybe teach in a shitty school for a bit. That'll give you some perspective.

3. The only tv channels I watch are History, Discovery, and Comedy.

I'm sure she writes this like I'm supposed to think she's smart but the History Channel is one of the more intellectually bankrupt channels I've had the misfortune of watching recently.
Also much like MTV, there isn't much history on the History Channel.

23 - A picture of your favorite book.
I loooooove Holden so fucking much. <3 I know so many people that didn't like this book, but for me, Holden is what makes the book. I identify with him so well. Some times I can't resist pretending my guts were shot out and I really do love my ear flap hat.

The book was Catcher in the Rye and you're not supposed to like Holden. He's supposed to remind you of yourself and he's a spoiled brat.
I guess you're not mature enough to understand it, though.
I wouldn't say you're supposed to hate him but "love" definitely isn't the emotion the author was going for with Holden.

I mean, people would probably tell me, "you have a boyfriend that loves you, you have nothing to complain about"... but what they don't see is how rejected by everyone else I am.

NO ONE UNDERSSSSSSSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDS MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I waited a long time for this sentence but I knew it was coming.

I think people expect me to be happy because I have one person in my life that accepts me. They just don't realize that sometimes, that's not enough. Sometimes you just need an actual, legitimate friend. Actually I don't even need that. I just need someone to fucking be HONEST.

Oh I can be honest with you.
That was a pretty medieval stance I took earlier saying that her mental illness is her fault but sometimes you're not chemically imbalanced, you're just an asshole.
It's what I keep trying to beat into you people. Sometimes you are weak and unworthy and it's not your Asperger's or your mental illness or your ADHD. It's just because you lack willpower.
In fact, usually, it is no one's fault but your own.

Sometimes I feel like no one actually gets it. I feel like I'm the only one on this frequency... & it's not like I'm wishing someone else would get on my channel... I just wish there was another one at least next to me.

Look, I'm not asking for perfection, here. I'm just asking you own up to your bullshit.
And it's not okay but you can make it okay.
But you won't because you're miserable.
Oooooooooooh man.
Well I'm going to go do something more productive with my time.
Like go to bed, even.
Oh yeah, that's right: sleeping is more productive than reading this crap.

Furries, Ahoy!

Monday's prediction: a girl whining no one understands her!
Wednesday's prediction: A Christfag!
Friday's prediction: a girl with anorexia! (just kidding those are still banned)
Then we rotate back around and Monday after next is transgendered person.
Might mix it up with philosophical asshole or something but we'll have to see.
Anyway, furries today~

What do you want done with your body after you die?

I don't really care because I'll be dead.

I guess interred, possibly in a sarcophagus.
I"M NOT DYING.

LOL but seriously, I'm torn between cremation and having the ashes scattered in areas of my choice, being buried with no coffin [the idea of haunting a graveyard is just so cool], and being used FOR SCIENCE *lightning*

STILL.

NOT DYING.

lol.

You remind me of someone who wanted in my Linkshell. I told them not only no but hell no and demoted the person who suggested they might be a useful addition to the LS.
They should have known better than to recommend someone who uses emotes in common speech.

But coconuts symbolize prosperity in several cultures. Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of well-being and wealth is depicted with a coconut with regularity.

Fascinating, don't you think?

No.
Not at all, in fact.
Wow, so food, especially a staple food, is usually a symbol of prosperity?
WOOOOW!
Christ.

Not a good day. It's all stupid little stuff, so I'm not even going to mention it, must suffice to say: blargh.

Just a steady stream of shit that was enough to drive me fucking batshit insane, pardon my language.

*sigh*

I hate days like today.

Gotta get alchemist to rank (level, whatever the term is now) 36.
It's just sooooo uninteresting to level alchemist. Alchemist doesn't even do anything good past level 20 but I gotta get that Hand of the Gods ability.
Not sure the alchemy guild is exercising good judgment by entrusting Edie Hart with an ability called Hand of the Gods but I guess she already has one called Contagion so I'm not sure one more will cause more of a problem.

And the ONE thing I want to do to make it all better, go to a nice little park or something to blow off steam? Oh no, I can't do that, some fucking creeper was hanging around the park. NO.

*bigger sigh*

This little whining entry has 21 comments, I'd like to point out.
I read legitimately interesting things yesterday that didn't garner 21 comments.
Oh, also I did extensive (and I do mean extensive, even by my standards) research on the possibility of muscle enhancement, because there are drugs that can decrease muscle mass, why not increase it?
Of course, they do exist but the major drawback is they all cause enlargement of the heart and brain tumors.
I feel these issues can be ironed out with enough research, though.
I suppose the problem is the number of people who want to be superhuman killing machines aren't as many as the number of men who want to be women.
We gotta start a movement, guys.

Today's subject: People who have no fucking clue that art improvement doesn't happen in a short time, and quit because they don't improve.

You can improve drastically in a short amount of time if you know how to learn (learning how to learn is a skill you can acquire) but it only works to a certain point.
Like learning how to thin your paints shows immediate improvement but then you kind of stop improving until you figure out the next breakthrough. Progress isn't a steady grind like RPGs, you know.
I feel like I say that a lot.

I've been drawing for most of my life. If you cut out the times I stopped drawing for varying reasons, I've probably drawn for about 20 years. I drew pretty much constantly between ages five and ten. I didn't improve but I didn't even know you could at that age.

I barely drew between ages ten and fifteen.

I had trouble painting within the lines when I was 10 but I did show a surprising amount of attention to keeping an even coat.
Didn't quite hit on the notion of thinning paints but my early Warham efforts are pretty smooth.

I didn't improve for years. If you saw art of mine between 1995 and 2003, There's very, very little improvement.

Me neither, then I had one figure that was a huge breakthrough and--
I feel like I explain how progress works a lot, did I mention that?

And still, STILL, my best year has been this one. 2011. How long is that? that's 3 years straight of busting my ass to improve. Outright TRYING. THREE. FUCKING. YEARS.

Did I mention going back and relearning the basics often yields the best results you'll get in terms of improvement?
The basics are basic for a reason.

And when I see someone bitching about how they busted their ass for four months [and claims to have filled two sketchbooks but doesn't provide but four pages for proof] and then quitting because of it, I want to beat them with their sketchbooks.

I kind of want to hit you for thinking 3 years is significant. What are you, 17?
No, I know you're not because you mention being alive for at least 20 years.

Art talent is not magical. You have to earn it. You earn it by doing it.

I think you need to look up the definition of talent, because I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean what you think it means. A talent by definition is a natural endowment. You can start with very little and still wind up better than someone who has talent, but the point is a talent is something innate.
There was an entire Bible story about it?
Never mind.

Art is not something that falls in your lap. You will not wake up one day with magical skills. I spent years wishing I would, and you know what that got me? Nothing. I started busting my ass with my art, and now I'm proud of it. Now I can look over a year of art and go "I am actually pleased with this."

Except you draw furry bullshit, soooooo--

"Art should be fun, art should not be work. Art should not make you hate yourself or want to throw your sketchbook out your window."

Actually, yes, art should be work. Art will make you hate yourself for choosing THAT pose and THAT angle, and THAT perspective. Art will make you want to heave your computer out of the window. And yet.

AND YET.

Art IS fun.

You're really annoying. I've never seen a choice of capslock that has pissed me off before.
Something about the "and yet, AND YET" thing really got to me. If you talk like that in real life someone should really punch you in the face.

At the end, you look at what you produced, and you say to yourself "All that hell gave me this. It's beautiful. LETS DRAW MORE."

It's a love-hate relationship, and to become a "true" artist, you must come to understand and accept that, or you will never achieve what you want.

Sorry I refuse to acknowledge furry artists as real artists.
I have a pretty loose definition of artist, too, because I'm willing to call people who freehand shit on their Warhams artists.

number 1- no matter what, a glaive is still just a piece of metal on a stick. It's a polearm.

Actually there was a fair period of time where the word "glaive" was used synonymously with "gladius" which is a sword, but all right it typically is a polearm.
This is how this entry starts, incidentally.

Unless it's made of lead and twenty feet long, a muscular human could wield it no problem, once they had practice.

I don't think a 20 foot glaive would be advisable.

number 3- show me a time when wood is heavier than metal when it comes to weapons. No, go on.

Oh, what's this?
And what do you fucking know?

Ain't made of titanium, and even so, unless it's alloyed with aluminum or plastic, it's not going to be lighter than wood.

Except copper is lighter than ironwood God you suck.
You talk as if wood is light. It isn't.

number 4- A person can misjudge how well they can use a weapon, especially if they're not familiar with polearms. An extremely well balanced weapon can fool you into believing you can wield it even when it's heavy.

A well balanced weapon kind of offsets the weight--
If it isn't balanced you're going to have to compensate for a lot, no matter how light it is.
I'm not even an expert on this shit but you're making so many mistakes in three paragraphs. I really think you should stop talking about this.

number 5- I'm not terribly strong in the upper body, but I can flail around a 40lb sword with no training and not strain myself too badly. This should give you an idea, as I'm untrained and fat [honesty here, not low self-esteem], and have little trained muscle.

40 pound sword--
because swords should weigh that much.
For comparison, the earlier mentioned Roman gladius weighed about a pound and a half and is widely considered one of the most successful swords used by any army.

number 6- why are we arguing about this? It's clear you don't know jack about weaponry. If you want to make it realistic, remember that no matter who's wielding it and how big and strong they are, unless they're 12+ feet tall and 500+ lbs, they're not going to wield a 100lb polearm. Sorry.

Even a 500+ pound man is going to wear himself out pretty quick swinging a 40 pound sword around.

RPGs. The one time when people who don't know shit think they know everything.

I know, man.
Crazy.
Also you do know most RPGs prominently feature mythical creatures and magic.
My Final Fantasy character punched a demon to death. I don't really question how she can haul 15 tons of sharks around or where she keeps them because she just punched a demon to death.
Things are a lot more fun when you don't really think too hard about how they don't make sense.
Here's a post entitled "RIP Steve Jobs" and the only thing in it is "you magnificent bastard".
Look I know the guy died and people love Apple products but can we stop going on like we lost a Christ figure? He had a questionable personal life and did relatively little with his personal fortune, unlike the often maligned Bill Gates.
I really don't mean to speak ill of the dead in this case but cool it, people.

"Why don't you get a REAL job?"

Hahaha seriously? I mean, really? You must be jealous because last time I checked, I provide a service AND goods.... and get paid for it. Sounds like a real job to me.

Jelly of making furry costumes for a living.
Unless you're raking in six figures for the fucking gayest job ever then no, I'm not jealous.
Oh that's right, being a professional furry costume designer is gayer than being in gay porn.

Maybe what you should have said was "Why don't you get a STABLE job?" Because that is far more understandable of a statement to make. Getting a "stable" regular job is hard in this economy, places that are hiring won't hire everybody,

I really hope I get to become president of anime just so I can say "I only applied to two places and got hired and I'm pretty much the epitome of a slacker."

and many of them make you jump through a billion hoops

I did have to jump through a few hoops, not gonna lie.

But don't start talking to me about whether or not my job is "real". At least you're not the jerks who sit there treating me like I'm a moneygrubbing scumbag just because I'm a homemaker.

A housewife is a job.
Excuse me, "homemaker" forgot my gender neutral words.
But no that's a hard job. Just because you don't get paid for it doesn't instantly qualify it as not a job.

The person I live with and I made that decision eight years ago. So knock it off and grow up.

I'd say you are fortunate to be in a situation where both of you don't have to work to live but that doesn't make it any less difficult.

Routers routers routers. We purchased a second router to try to get a better signal so I don't have to have my receiver hanging from a chair.

Several hours and a lot of nonsense later, and it completely died, I can't connect to it even though it's right there in the network list. It's not the key or anything, it just says "Cannot connect to router through the network" which is dumb because five minutes before, it connected. >_>

Check your NAT type, dipshit.
Christ all mighty. 192.168.1.1 in Firefox, click connections (or similarly headed tab) and switch NAT from 3 to 2.
Am I an expert or what's going on here?

Okay, we all know tragedies suck. And I mean the stories. They do! They're sad, they're painful, they're an emotional rollercoaster, and people are suffering.

BUT.

What did I tell you about that caps thing?
Cool it, Shatner. You don't write with the same voice you speak.

As stories they're some of the best material out there. They're more beautiful than any other type of story. /opinion

HOWEVER.

Oh man did you just do it twice in a row?
Also I like how you're trying to make a coherent argument with no proof outside of "it's my opinion." Yeah, well my opinion is most tragedies are melodramatic nonsense.
Fuck off.

Don't get your panties in a twist if I say I prefer happy endings. I'm not saying tragedies are bad. I just hate seeing people suffer.

They're fictional characters. They're not really suffering.

You know what though? I am probably most guilty for running my characters [haha when they're around of course] into the ground with suffering and tragedy and guilt and emotional rollercoasters... because giving them something to be happy about after that... it gives me that bit of joy because there's no suffering anymore.

Wow you just discovered a term so old it's still in Greek: catharsis.
Aristotle was figuring this shit out in the B.C.s. Good job, you just have about 2500 years of storytelling to catch up on now.

FOR NOW. >:D

Okay I'm not that bad. XD

Seriously though? Preferring something does not automatically make the other thing bad.

I bet your stories are complete and utter garbage.
I bet, after reading your stories, I'd be a little more sympathetic to Stephen King. I'd want to see what he's been working on, in fact.

A half hour ago now I went to bed. I laid comfortably for a while, and then suddenly I felt this hard pinching sensation in my left leg. As if someone had grabbed two spots with their hands and pinched fingers against palms. I jumped and slapped at my leg, muttering at my leg to stop it. (Figuring on it being the precursor of a charlie horse.) It stopped, but as soon as I laid down again, it happened again. This time I had a funny feeling about it. I point blank said "Leave me alone, and if you mean me harm, get out, this is my home."

Deciding to be safe, I turned the light on, got a red marker, and drew a pentagram on my ankle. then switched the light off and laid down.

...
Uh-huh?

Looks like whatever that was must have latched onto me in order to get inside past the salt barrier. Might have to get a pentagram tattoo, because I don't dare wear a necklace to bed.

Wouldn't want to dare that--
because you might strangle yourself accidentally in your sleep I guess.
Here's a post entitled "what is it with me and weird dreams?" and from the sounds of it, it's the supposed demonic possession.
Wow this is really boring.
Anyway I'll see you guys Monday for "misunderstood whining girl" I guess.

Gender Dysphoria

I really like the term "dysphoria", actually. Just like utopia, there is dystopia. Just like euphoria, there is dysophria. Interestingly, Firefox only recognizes the positive terms as words.
Anyway, I'm sure you can guess what's coming.
... I don't think this bears further introduction, really.

If you could ask the leader of your country anything, what would it be?

What's it like knowing you are inept and weak?

"How do you plan to do on living with this knife jammed straight through your heart?"

All right take it easy. He's inept, but unfortunately that isn't a crime worthy of death.
It should be I'll grant, but it isn't.

No, not really. Few things are worth killing over, and I don't think this is one. Besides, killing a politician for being corrupt and morally bankrupt would lead to either a lot of work or (accurate) accusations of hypocrisy when you didn't do all the others.

Very true.
I've often thought that killing one politician for being scum would necessitate a lot of killing.
Then I read that samurai would often obliterate entire familial lines for similar reasons, as did the Romans so I can't say it isn't impossible.

I feel slightly sour, tonight. As though I've had a couple of drinks, and maybe not enough to eat, and then the drink has soured inside me and made me the same.

It's not to do with events. I had a really good night on Thursday, a nice night in a pub on Friday, and exciting trip to Newcastle on Saturday to do vampire roleplaying, and a fun afternoon at a munch today. I don't remember much of today, I was too tired, but it seemed fun at the time.

... Is this the second blog in a month that has prominently featured vampire roleplaying?
I hope?

What was/is your favorite class?

Pffffft I dunno.

Paladin.

Oh, wait, is that not what you meant?

LOL
Idiot.
Who has paladin as their favorite class?
I had an awesome paladin planned out once in the long ago dark time when I did play D&D like a nerdling, speaking of. Wasn't allowed to run it because he wasn't "lawful enough".
Cue 2 hour debate about the definition of law versus chaos.
Then they later added the class I really wanted to be to the game after I quit. Thanks a lot.
Grey Guard.

Apparently this is a thing I do now.

The entry is entitled "passing", incidentally.
As in passing for-- man or woman, as the case may be.
I'm guessing man passing as woman because it's the safe bet.

My appearance and mannerisms are acceptably within cis norms, and therefore I am no longer instantly read as trans by everyone I meet. I can tell, because in addition to the torrent of abuse dying down (several months ago) the torrent of whispers has also died down, and men keep hitting on me.

Yes, I am awesome.
Man, I am so good at this bullshit.

Other trans people have written about this like it's the holy grail. Like once it happens, everything will be perfect. I've heard the phrase "it's just so validating" chucked around with varying numbers of exclamation marks after it. I don't understand this

You're not fooling me. No deception survives my sight.

It's nice to be less visible. I enjoy that.

It's sort-of-almost flattering to be chatted up by men, until you realise they'd do that to anyone they believe to be in possession of boobs and a vagina. Then it stops being flattering and starts being irritating.

DECISION YOU MADE.
It's like in FFXIV when I advertised the fact I could fix your shit.
Then I got pissed when people started asking me to repair their shit.
No, I didn't. I just started charging.
I do like the people who think I'll fix their shit for nothing, though.
I'm not running a charity, buddy.
"But I have no money!" someone seriously argued today.
Well, come back when you do.
Goodbye.

It's not validating, not for me at least. I know what the general public think of me - I remember them shouting it at me. Now they've stopped shouting. So what's changed? They've suddenly stopped being cruel and cowardly?

Cruelty can be a positive trait--
I think--
cowardly is never good, though.

No. I've stopped being a despised target? No. I've merely stopped being perceived as a despised target (in a trans sense. There's still that whole "sexism" thing going on). They're still cruel and they're still cowards and they're still hostile to people like me, it's just that now I'm demonstrating that they're also relatively easy to fool.

Lord knows I wouldn't be half as rich as I am in FFXIV if people weren't easy to fool.
Is there a real life situation that the parable that is FFXIV can't be applied to?
Of course not.
Made some high quality horn glue today.
Another 600,000 in my pocket~
That was such a fluke thing, too. Just grinding some out to sell no quality. Make a little money on the side but mostly in it for the experience when bam, horn glue +2.

It's not validating for me to know this. It's not validating to know that I'm only considered a non-target because I am successfully lying (about being cis).

I'm sure there are people who would call me insensitive for calling her deceptive earlier but she just admits she's successful at lying.
The definition of deceptive.
Actually I guess success has nothing to do with it but the lying part does.

I can't place any trust in people who are only being polite because they don't know what I am, and I can't build any sort of friendship or relationship on that.

So you don't give them a chance to prove they wouldn't be polite knowing the truth--
Even if a guy were sympathetic to this situation and would still date you he has to know that taking more hormones than a pregnant won't make you an easy person to deal with.
Personally I don't think anything at all about this although I do question why a heterosexually geared man wouldn't follow my plan, but then again as I've demonstrated time and again most people aren't as smart as I am.
Common birth, common man.
This does raise an interesting point, though. If this person was born a man but can pass as a female so convincingly no one can tell (I don't buy it but let's assume for the sake of this deep, philosophical issue) and a guy knew this person was born a man but still chose to hit that, would he be gay?
I mean ultimately he was originally attracted to features that are feminine--
I don't know, honestly.
I just want to know why you'd mess with that when there are DBGs about.
One thing I'm willing to admit is from a philosophical standpoint I have a very narrow range of interests and this isn't one of them so I'm not equipped to answer whether or not being attracted to traps makes you gay or not.

was trying to describe myself physically the other day, and I couldn't work out how. There are plenty of words that I could use that are accurate, but they're only accurate in a literal sense, not in a contextual one. I could say that I'm "big". this is literally true. I am larger than the majority of women my age.

Of course, that is assuming this person is so feminine as to fool me, which has already been established as so unlikely it's almost impossible.
I'd say practically speaking being attracted to traps at the very minimum makes you kind of gay.

But if I describe myself as "big" then contextually that could also be phrased as "distinctly chubby". I don't think I am. I'm over a BMI of 25, but that's more down to muscle than fat. I could describe myself as "heavily muscled", but that conjures up images of body-builders.

... SOOOO FEMININE SHE FOOLS MEN!
You have a BMI that calls you fat but you aren't fat, it's all muscle tone.
I can literally only think of two people who are like that and they are Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.
It's difficult to think of two less feminine people than those two.
In fact, Sylvester Stallone is one of two people injected straight into the grim darkness of the far future without changes.

I have obvious muscles, but that's not what I look like. I could say I have an "athletic" build, but "athletic" is (contextually) carrying less weight (both muscle and fat) than me. I could say I'm "lean", but contextually I think that implies, well, a narrower figure.

No. I've seen athletic people and none of them have a BMI of 25.

I'm wide in the shoulder (and as it turns out not that small in the arse). I could say I'm "toned", and that's sort of true too... but it's the same problem as "athletic" - it implies an "I do lots of jogging" figure, which is not what's going on here. I could say "curvy", and that's true too, now... but I'm back on "big".

How about this? I'm a trained and highly qualified litfag who came from natural talent in the field. Show me your image and I will describe you.

I could just give some numbers, but what do those mean?

... A lot, actually. Numbers exist to eliminate subjectivity.

So I'm at a bit of an impasse. The two most common adjectives used to describe me are "cute" and "scary", neither of which is helpful.

No, those are the words I use to describe my FFXIV character and I guarantee you don't look like her.

I'm tired of being told my muscles will shrink. I'm tired of people telling it to me semi-gloatingly. I'm tired of people telling it to me "as a warning". I'm tired of people telling it to me as though it's a good thing. It isn't. I don't want less muscle and I don't want to have to work harder to maintain the stuff I've got. I'm not going to stop taking hormones, but that doesn't mean that all the effects are good and pure joy.

Yes they are. It's a marvel of technology.
If there's one undeniable positive of this entire thing it's that this is clear proof that the mastery of the technology of man is so complete it even extends as far as our biology.
No Space Marines yet, though.
Born too late to be a Knights Templar, born too soon to be a Space Marine.
WHY.

I don't want to lose an inch in height if/when my cartilage shrinks.

But these are things women are. They have less muscle mass than men (on average). They are shorter than men (on average).
Though I have met women both taller and more ripped than I, paragon of manliness though I am, so it does it happen that way but I'd hardly think someone trying to "pass as a woman" would consider losing muscle mass or height a negative.

I don't want to lose a shoe size while I can't afford to replace all my shoes (though if I could, fine I suppose).

Jesus, does this really happen?
There are drugs that decrease things as fundamental as height in an adult and it isn't somehow draining all the calcium in your body?
Why aren't there Space Marines, again?
I need one legitimate reason that isn't boo-hoo ethical nonsense.
I am starting to feel a little persecuted now. On the inside I feel like an Imperial Fist Space Marine and yet there aren't miracle drugs to make me look how I feel on the inside.
Some people might see a bit of difference between a man wanting to be a woman and a man wanting to be a nine foot tall genetically engineered killing machine who can spit acid and breathe underwater but I consider the issues the same at their core.

I don't want my cartilage to shrink at all if it means an increase in my joint problems. I don't particularly want a lack of erectile function - as long as I have this penis, I want to get some use out of it!

In fact, I'd say my desire to be a Space Marine is purer than your desire to be a woman. I would be willing to risk the incredible metabolic strain that claim so many initiates.

Futurama. A programme I enjoy, usually. Episode from season 7 (or possibly 6), titled

"Neutopia". The episode was basically wall to wall sexist stereotypes, with a pro-male bias. Also obviously the usual utter lack of acknowledgement that anyone trans or non-binary could exist. It hurts because I expected better, I think.

Futurama is a great show.

The only bit I could even half agree with was the romantic line that I might be paraphrasing: "I don't care what bits I've got, as long as it's you I'm sharing them with."

Nice line, cis writer. Now fucking try it. Come back when you've found out how dysphoria feels.

... Except that doesn't make funny jokes.
Leave the comedy to the professionals, please.

Today is one of those days. I'm not part of this society, I just happen to live in the same place.

I'm not part of society, using electricity and the computer and the internet and living in shelter.

Today I had one of those thoughts that seemed utterly revelatory to me, but which I rapidly realised would probably seem axiomatically obvious to anyone who'd already had it. Is there a name for those?

Common sense?
I don't know.
I'm still debating about how redundant the phrase "axiomatically obvious" is.
An axiom, by definition, is something that isn't proven (mathematically) but is so evident it doesn't need further proof.
Logically, shit like a + b = b + a.
Or, to make it even clearer, shit like a = a.

This is it: some people consider the definitions of words to be personal things - they consider that their definition is their and only theirs, and they don't mind that other people use the same word to mean something different.

I certainly fucking do mind when people have different definitions for shit than me. I've spent a great deal of time to make sure my speech is as clear and concise as possible and here you retards come along and fuck it all up.
Unless I've been defining a word incorrectly (unlikely) our definitions should agree. I hate to be narrow-minded about this but I can say with confidence that if our definitions don't agree there is a fair chance you are mistaken.

The slightly more surprising (to me, anyway) thing is this: from personal observations it seems this viewpoint difference is somewhat socially gendered. That what we might call the "personal" viewpoint is correlated with being raised female, while what we might call the "standardised" viewpoint is correlated with being raised male.

Call me a woman but I willingly acknowledge my viewpoint is often atypical.

This fits strangely with trans politics I've observed. Trans women (generalisation alert!) seem to argue more over the definitions of words, while the trans men seem to just make them up (or use them how they like) as they go along, and then get offended when you point out that they are nowhere near the usual definition.

I'd appreciate it if people would stop using bionics and cybernetics interchangeably, incidentally.
Cybernetics are an attempt to make an artificial living system (artificial intelligence, for example) versus bionics, which are an attempt to integrate man and machine.
They are both very important to the future of man but they aren't the same.

A troll on fetlife started a thread about having a munch for "those of size 12 and under, and admirers".

Fetlife.
Not the first time I've run into Fetlife thanks to Livejournal, you know.
Not sure what a munch is.
Dare I Wikipedia this?
Oh, let's.

A munch (short for burger munch) is a low-pressure social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM, usually at a restaurant.

Or "lunch" as we normal people call it.

He did this because he's a troll, looking for an argument, and some guy he was arguing with before had been in favour of a BBW munch. The thread was unpleasant in places. Most people who commented did not recognise it for trolling.

One common theme is expressed here:

"I'm inclined to agree that if BBW munches are perfectly acceptable, then this is perfectly acceptable too, though I'm undecided as to whether either is desirable, as I'm not keen on anything divisive.

I'm inclined to agree there are drugs that can decrease height and muscle mass but there aren't any to increase them. I'll agree some of the Space Marine implants are a little far off and perhaps a bit impractical but there should at least be proto-Space Marines if what I'm reading is correct.

But accepting one and not the other amounts to double-standards, on the usual basis that political correctness sides with the 'oppressed minority.' I wonder how many of the people who are objecting aren't actually over size 12 themselves but feel driven to do the right thing on behalf of those that are."

I don't want to date any fat women.
I don't care if that makes me a sexist pig but I'm not fat, I don't want my lady friend to be either.
That's probably what this guy is thinking, too. He just likes different things than I do.
I feel for you, brother. You have a difference of opinion and suddenly you're a troll.
Not really how trolling works, guys.

If we accept that group X are discriminated against, then we don't need to provide a service for not-X. We do not, for example, need a cis-people only munch to balance the trans-people munch that some misguided cis person set up in London. The point of equal opportunities is not to give everyone the same stuff and call that fair. It's to give people who are disadvantaged more stuff in an attempt to make up for the acknowledged disadvantage.

Yeah, that was pointless. But I'm grumpy about it.

So let me see if I can keep this bullshit straight: you're a man who passes (sarcasm quotes) as a woman and is indeed transgendered and you're into the bondage thing.
And there's a thing called a munch and bondage people do this, because--
Anyway, there's one for fat people (or skinny people) and so the other group wants one and everyone is butthurt.
Do you people post on the FFXIV boards, by any chance? Because all I'm reading is a lot of nonsense.

Also, in order for your description of yourself to be of any value in conversation, the words you use have to be understood or at least decipherable by the people you're having a conversation with. The phrase "kinky sex-positive polyamorous heterodemisexual queer panromantic femme genderqueer transsexual man" has some problems with it

Has a few problems, really?
Just a few?
"Polyamorous" is just fancy for "slut" in my book.

"heterodemisexual" I had to look up, and I'm not convinced it warrants a word.

I'd have to look that one up too but I assume it means attracted to the opposite sex-- demi means half.
Half attracted to the opposite sex.

Apparently "demisexual" means you're not sexually attracted to people unless you're romantically attracted to them (which doesn't really seem to need saying),

On the contrary, you can easily be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically interested.
This is where the Greeks have this shit right: erotic love doesn't automatically imply romantic love.

and since "hetero" is in there presumably you're only sexually attracted to women? All told then, I don't think this word is doing anything useful.

I will agree it is a bullshit word.
In fact, I'm refusing to classify it as a real word.
Anyway it's late and I'm going now.
Bye losers.

Only in death do we earn our salvation

Back from my crusade to the dark state of Georgia.
Will I become the president of anime?
Time will tell.
Anyway, enough of this pointless speculation: HAMBEASTS AFOOT!
All you have to do is take one look at her avatar to realize she has a pretty face.
PRETTY BIG, THAT IS. HAAAAAR.
Oh yeah, score one for me.

Describe your dream vacation.

I want to spend an hour stuck on a runway next to a man big enough for three seats.
I should only pay 50% of my ticket price because I only had 50% of a seat after that fat piece of shit was done sitting.
You know the fucked up part of it? If I had set my bag on 50% of the seat next to me and wouldn't let the person move it they'd tell me to get fucked but I somehow have to tolerate this because this man is smuggling luggage filled with fat under his fucking skin.
Also during that flight the turbines were making this weird hissing noise towards landing time so I can only assume they were struggling to keep his massive girth aflight.
The part that slays me are the people who have the audacity to bitch about the flight itself. No, I'm pretty sure the flight itself is fine it's the fucking peasants I'm surrounded by that make this insufferable.
In fact, I feel if you don't show due reverence for the MIRACLE OF HUMAN FLIGHT you shouldn't be allowed on a plane.
Such is the dominion of man that we have conquered the sky itself.

To Japan. That would be amazing. I absolutely love their culture, their food, their way of doing things, their morals and beliefs, their cities and their technology, of course.

Their morals.
Because here in America we have no morals.
Let me tell you something about their morals: you only know the sugarcoated weeaboo look at it. It isn't all pretty.
How about when entire families were wiped out over issues of dishonor?
Personally I feel this is a very manly way of handling a problem but I doubt you'd take a similar stance.
Wouldn't work today but barbaric times, etc.

I love absolutely everything. It would be a dream come true. I hope to one day fulfill it. <3

Better make that a vacation because becoming president of anime is quite a difficult feat to achieve.

What do you love about autumn?

Fall sucks.

I absolutely love everything about fall. I love the colors, the smells, the familiar warm feeling I get that lets me know the holidays are on their way. I love the colors the leaves slowly change into, like a caterpillar during metamorphosis, and how this makes the trees look almost like they're in sepia tone. I love watching the leaves randomly fall off their tree and land ever so gently onto the ground, and then raking them up only to jump in the pile and scatter them everywhere again. I love the smell of the fresh cool air, and the smell of spices that make up cookies and pies people begin to make in the cooler weather wafting through the air. It all makes me feel so toasty and calm inside. Most of all, I love Halloween. I love participating in the rituals by dressing up and going out with friends, but I also love seeing others, especially young children, dressed up and excited about receiving their treats from smiling faces in the doorways of houses, lined up in rows in neat and tidy rows with porch lights glowing, yet even more excited about eating the treats. It's a great season, it wouldn't hurt me in the least if it was fall all year long.

JESUS CHRIST.
FUCKING WORDS.
I'm going to read all this.
Nope, I just took one look at that fucking block of words and couldn't bring myself to do it. Who knew there was so much to this shitty season?
BLAH BLAH BLAH SEPIA BLAH BLAH SMELLS BLAH BLAH CHILDREN I mean goddamn, what the fuck?

Okay, well I am really out of it right now, so bare with me please.

The implication of "bare with me" is she wants you get naked with me.
I think no and thank you.
(Hint, idiot: the term you want is "bear with me", the full term of "bear" is actually "forbearance" which has fallen out of favor for obvious reasons)

I have a lot of friends and exes who read this shit, so knowing that, I would like to apologize to each and every one of you, not specifically or by name, but just a general apology that goes out to all of you from my heart and applies to all of you.
I am sorry for the way I have been lately. I am sorry I ignore some of you.

Nothing like the fake apology on Livejournal.

I am not ignoring any of you because I don't want to bother with you, or care about you any less. I often don't mean to ignore anyone at all. I am sorry that I have been rude some of you. I am sorry if I have said things that hurt any of you. I am sorry if I have been selfish. The honest truth is I am not doing well. I am anxious a lot, with no real explainable reason. I have panic attacks and often find it hard to sleep.

Awww, poor baby!
Baby is just a bit cranky, that's all!
I'll give you something to cry about, motherfucker.
... That actually reads more ominous than I intended it to be.

I am tired every morning and all day. I feel weak and useless, like I wouldn't have the energy to move if a building were about to fall on me. I am having major esteem issues, about my appearance and the person I have become. I am not entirely the type of person I had envisioned myself becoming,

Man I sure have been tired lately today, too.
But then again I haven't been sleeping much so I have an excuse.
Even though I'm tired as fuck I'm still bringing the comedy. You just have to carry on.
Those hotel pillows, I tell you.

yet I fear it is who I am and there is nothing I can do about it. I used to be on medication, and I know I still need to be but I am stubborn and lazy and just do not want to go to a doctor. Period. I know none of this is an excuse for being a shitty friend or a bad person, but it's the only way I have to justify my actions, because I have no real way to defend them.

You just said you have no way to defend your actions.
By your own admission your actions are indefensible and yet you're still making excuses.
Someone really should smack you for this bullshit. We've all done it before, Jesus. Just say "yeah I was being a dickbag. I don't know what I was thinking and I'll stop." There you go. Most people, especially your friends, would forgive you if you just owned up to your actions.

I have become a tired, lazy, scared, timid, selfish, angry, judgemental, self-righteous person and I know it's wrong.

Nothing wrong with being judgmental, now.

I know I need to change but it's not something I can do over night. Not many people know what I am going through,

What are you going through again?
Oh right, I forgot. ANXIETY.

but now you all do, and I ask for forgiveness from you all. Please try and understand, and I will try to get better. I'm sorry. I really am.

Never say you're sorry. It is a sign of weakness.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. I feel horrendously depressed. I feel like I am once again alone in this world. I have my family and I have James, but that's it.

>I am completely alone
>I have a family and a boyfriend
You really don't know what being alone means, do you?
We should all be so fortunate to have not only a family that tolerates this but an unrelated person who is apparently compassionate enough to your fat, ugly face and problems that he sticks around of his own volition to hear you whine.

I have people who talk to me, and people who talk to me occasionally. I really couldn't say if any of them are truly my friends or not, and I suppose it's my own fault. I have so many problems that I make it very difficult for people to be around me, let alone friends. I should probably work on myself, but, what's the point? It doesn't matter anymore. I am who I am and I need to embrace it, and not care who doesn't approve.

That's the spirit. Blame other people for not tolerating your bullshit instead of fixing your shit.
You know, you can't really be mad at Hitler. He was just the way he was and really its everyone's fault for not tolerating him for being a unique snowflake.

It will be hard to do though, because I have become weakened, but I am determined to shine through.

Only one solution for weakness.

It's really upsetting how many people blow you off and forget about you. At least there is some people in life who truly care and would never do that to me or anyone else. Thank Buddha for them. :)

Thank Buddha, who created man.
I don't think you understand how Buddhism works.
What slays me about this particular posting is there are comments, and here's one:

I hope that I am not one of those people who forget about you. I know I have a tendency to be a flake, witch there is no excuse for, but yeh...Sorry for not being a better friend to you.

>witch
you seem like a complete toolbag so if I knew you I wouldn't regret you not speaking to me.
To which this cunt has this to say:

Noooooo really, I wasn't thinking of you at all,

>I hate it when people forget about me
>but I forgot about you
I just noticed her username is "Koopaqueen" and yeah, that's about right. She looks like a human female form of Bowser.

Well yeah.....except for the getting gifts and money part, my birthday celebration was a total waste of time and energy.

Except for getting shit and having enough people in my life care about me to remember the day I was born and give me shit on that day it was a complete waste of time.

I am soooo glad I got drunk. I don't think I would have made it through otherwise, lol. To make a long story short, some of my family decided it was a great time to drag up drama and act like little fucking babies over a bunch of bullshit.

Somehow I imagine it wasn't drama and I bet it was entirely your fault.

So I ended up a stressed out wreck, feeling like a mess and a half while no one gave a fuck. I realized that this happens to me every year, because I always let my fucking family talk me into spending my birthday with them. So next year, FUCK THAT SHIT. I'm going to spend my birthday by myself, spending money, getting wasted and doing something stress free, like going to a spa. Seriously.

PFFFT THOSE MOTHERS, RIGHT? WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH THE PERSON THEY BIRTHED ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF THEIR BIRTH?
Jeez, mom, time to cut the umbilical cord already.

People reading this, remind me next year, when my birthday is upon me, NOT to celebrate it with anyone in my fucking family. Fo' realz. Anyways,

AnywayS.
This blog just keeps getting better.

today, which happens to be my real birthday, is going so much better because I am just chillin on the couch, watching shows and trolling the internet at my mom's (the only family member I don't hate to death.) and it feels fabulous. My food stamps went on today, and I have no school tomorrow, so tonight James is bringing me some ice cream, some cuppy cakes, maybe some booze (lolol) and we are going to order dinner out and just chill.

Your food stamps-- but you're eating out--
and whining that you don't get enough presents on your birthday or whatever--
no, something is very wrong here.
I mean Jesus, at the very least you live in a country so great that they feed you with no expectation that you'll ever become a productive member of society and expect nothing in return from you. Any sensible society would let you starve to death but such is your country's might and beneficence that it provides you with food.

Tomorrow I am going back to the mall for some more make-up shopping and some Starbucks, and that will be my last leisurely day before having to go back to real life, unfortunately.

You get food stamps from the government, and yet you go shopping for makeup and stop at Starbucks.
Every day is like a birthday from the government. That is how you should look at it.

Lol. Fuck though, what a nightmare. Every single one of my birthdays has always been a nightmare. I think it's a sign that I shouldn't have been born. Either that or a sign I need to whack all the retards in my family. :)

You guys should see the blisters on my feet. They are so cool.

I am getting money from her, and using it towards the up and coming ICP concert in Anahiem on October 7th. That will be fresh.

Insane Clown Posse fan.
Okay, now you can't get any worse as a human being.
You are officially scum of the earth as far as I'm concerned.
You were almost there already but this seals it.

"Nobody knows the real me. I don't even know the real me. I have hid it for so long it's lost forever. I change from day to day just to hide the pain."

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Idiot.

Not much going on really, just busy with school. Thank Buddha that my books came today, I really needed them this week.

Buddha isn't really supposed to be watching over your life--
okay, forget it.
Not that important, honestly.

So that's one obstacle out of the way. The books set James and I back a bit, so we will be a bit strapped til next payday. Next payday I get to go birthday shopping, so that's nice. The only things I really want is is a nice hoodie for this coming fall and winter, some more plugs for my ears

Gauging the ears.
Fat and with gaping holes in your ears to match the gaping hole that is your vagina.
Lovely.

and of course some indulgences, mainly a perfume from Victorias Secret and some makeup from Urban Decay.

Oh, so that's Victoria's Secret. She sells to hambeasts.

If anyone on here wants to get me anything, just 10-20 dollars, whatever is affordable for you is perfect because It will go towards what I have listed above. Other than that, I haven't decided what to do for my birthday yet.

I will mail you 20 dollars in bullets if you promise to destroy yourself and whatever spawned you with them.

My first day back at the college has went well. I got into one of the classes I was wait-listed on, and one I may not get into, but it's just a phys. ed class, so it's no biggie.

Normally I'd agree but in your case I'd say it is a big deal.

I was just hoping to lose more weight, lol. Anyways, there are millions of fucking people at this college and it is punching me in my OCD,

lol why would you want to lose more weight?
Oh right, because you weigh 300 pounds.

*Sigh* Here we go again. I see my ex has a picture up of him and some foolish girl. One can assume it's his girlfriend for the time being.

Some foolish girl.
You aren't foolish at all, though.
Maybe he wised up, though.
Probably not.
Oh well~

I wonder how long it will be before that ends and he comes to me again, all sobs and heartache. It's sad really, that he can never be true to one woman because he will always be obsessed with the ex before her. Either that or he will have a secret desire for someone new he has just met while he tells his woman at home that she is his everything.

Look, he wanted to date you, so clearly he isn't very good at picking women out.
Cut the guy some slack, he's clearly operating at 10%.
Well, it's 100% for him but you get where I'm headed with this.

He will never understand true love or how to love another fully. He loved me and cared for me more when he couldn't have me than he did when I was all his. He will never have my trust or friendship because he will never be able to prove to me that he cares or ever cared about me. All he thinks of with women is sex and their body.

I have some pictures that indicate their bodies aren't foremost in his thoughts, because he was having sex with you and you look like this.

Some days life just isn't worth living.

• Mood:hopeless

Dear Livejournal,
Mood: hopeless
Here's a post entitled "is pleased to say..." and the the post says this:

That my loverawr has a nice, big hunk of meat between his legs. <3

What I mean come on are you serious
are you fucking serious
God, now I have to think about the uncomfortable reality of you breeding?
There really is no justice in the world.
Here's a post entitled "I am fat"
I think I should change the title of this post to "I am mean"

A fatty fat fatty. I am sitting here, on my fat ass, with my fat belly hungrily growling and rumbling, awaiting my delicious Subway sandwhich soon to come. I cannot wait. Is that so wrong?? No. No,it isn't, because I'm still a fucking hot, sexy bitch.

Fucking hot, sexy bitch--
No, not to anyone with at least one sense.

Suck it, whores!

Shit, got those skinny bitches.
Ohhhh man this blog is really boring and I don't feel like reading it anymore.
Goodbye.

In every man's heart, a spark of evil

So I'm sitting here in my hotel room waiting for my interview tomorrow and what else is there to do except review shitty blogs?
Nothing, as far as I can see.
Are you ready for a pathetic journey into some faggot's life?
I hope you are, because it's coming.
Oh lordy, is it coming.

Tell us a ghost or supernatural encounter you’ve experienced.

It's almost supernatural how shitty Livejournal is but I don't think that's quite what you meant.

When I was 20, my cat DC died.

To this day, I sometimes see flashes of movement out of the corner of my eye, or feel a sudden, soft weight on my cot when I'm lying down.

I know rationally that it's just a trick of the brain. But part of me wants to believe there's more to it.

It's grief, dipshit.
God.

I'm a brony, as I've mentioned before.

Yeah, brony. Let's talk about that briefly.
So there's this cartoon for little girls called My Little Pony and sometimes guys in their 20s like to watch it.
But no, it can't just be a show for children that you enjoy, oh no, it has be this bullshit secret club for the eternal virgins of the world. I can't imagine seriously liking a show for little girls (and I mean little girls, like five) but to admit to it, even on the internet, is something beyond pathetic.
They get really defensive about it, too. Like furries.
In fact, this is how bad they are: furries look down on them.
When you are beneath furries socially it's time to reexamine your choices in life.

I don't normally participate in the (occasionally laughable) arguments over plotholes that take place in certain sectors of the fandom. But this doesn't mean I don't have opinions.

I have a simple solution to shore up any plotholes: it's a cartoon for little girls. I mean little girls. Five years old, even.

Today we'll discuss one such example.

About a third of the way through "The Return of Harmony, Pt. 1", Discord makes his first appearance in the stained-glass windows. As he moves around, he greets Princess Celestia with a line that has caused much debate:

"Do you have any idea how boring it is? Oh, wait, of course you don't - because I don't go around turning people into stone!"

Cartoon for little girls--
can't emphasize this enough.
What, are you expecting deep, complex characterization on a show for five year old children?
Because I hate to disappoint but it isn't happening.

And that brings us to the real reason he said it - not because he has any moral objections to it, but because it's not his style. Discord is a very active monster. What he does involves warping personalities to force ponies to do what they wouldn't normally do. Turning people to stone is a passive-based punishment - it's thus the worst thing you could do to him, and the opposite of what he would do to you given the chance.

So it isn't about morals. It's him being snippy about professional standards.

Discord doesn't have a leg to stand on here, and fans don't seem to get it.

I skipped some shit because, uhh, I don't care and it's a show for children.
The reason fans didn't get it is because they're six and don't know what discord means.
I know what it means because I've been to high school.
Now there's Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction (not making this up)
Oh he went to Vegas. Let's see how that went for him--

- Lost my virginity for $160.

Ha, ha, ohh--
goodness. Let it all air out, I say.

- Visited a pinball museum.

The implication is he visited a prostitute but maybe he just wooed some lady with visits to the pinball museum.
Hey, man, if the bitch won't go down on you after a visit to the pinball museum she is an ice princess.

For reasons that I don't really want to get into, I don't have a driver's license. I've had a learner's permit for seven years, which has served as a handy means of identification, but it doesn't let you do much.

Autism.

I was a PS1 user when I was a kid. It gave me the Third Triad of Final Fantasy, FFT, Medievil, Vagrant Story, Breath of Fire 3... It gave me a lot.

Boy, did it.

But in retrospect, I rather regret having let the Sega Saturn pass me by. So when I saw it for sale for $60 at a local retro-games kiosk, I considered it.

Then I looked at the games.

Sega Saturn games run around $70.

So much for that.

Can't emulate a Saturn so that's out.
OH IF ONLY CD BURNERS EXISTED IN 2011--
hey wait.

Recently, I began to take up emulation. zSNES and Nestopia have served me well. MAME, not so much. Virtual GBA is finicky but workable. So I looked into Saturn emulation.

Turns out that the Saturn is notoriously hard to emulate, to the point that early Saturn emulators were considered to be successes if they could read CD data, play or not.

The first emulator I tried, Satourne... doesn't seem to have any ability to LOAD games.

So I tried to download another one. The computer was hit with a virus.

You are no good at computer, give up.
I actually liked you a lot more when I was calling you a fag for liking My Little Pony. Go back to that shit.

I've woken up at 6 AM regularly on my days off the last few weeks.

Not because I have to, but because My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is on at 7:30 and I want time to wake up.

Between this and some of my music choices, I question whether having a Y chromosome and testicles qualifies you as a man.

No it doesn't. Some of the blogs here are conclusive proof of that.
Why would you admit to this shit? This is stuff I'd take to the grave.

I just discovered that, yes, they ARE releasing the PSP remake of Persona 2: Innocent Sin in America.

...goddamnit. I still have to finish the first one.

FUCK I HATE SEQUELS TO MY FAVORITE GAMES

And meanwhile I have an English-patch version of the original SMT in my emulator files, Nocturne and both DDS games are wrapped in plastic on my shelves, and I recently started up a Law playthrough of Strange Journey.

All this started with Persona 3. Damn you, Atlus.

Fuck you Atlus for making great games that often come with the soundtrack and artbook included and it isn't even considered a collector's edition--
HARUMPH.

...time to saddle up and start Persona 1 again. Damn it.

I HATE VIDEO GAMES >:C
I think I've reviewed this blog before. He keeps talking about this Operation Powderpuff bullshit and I remember another blog did this too and I can't believe this is popular enough to warrant multiple mentions from two different sources.
ohhhhhh man.
Well, I have MUCH WORK TO LOOK FORWARD TO TOMORROW SO AWAY I GOOOOO~

Step into it

Sage advice from back when I was a kid and took karate.
Always stepping into your punches. I know more about punching than any six year old has a right to know (which was when I stopped learning this shit). 90% of your power comes from your core~
Anyway, enough of this: it's time for some douchey blogs! Hurray, I bet you were skeptical whether or not we'd get here.
It's also important to hold your hand properly. Remember, punch with your middle two knuckles. Never tuck your thumb or you'll lose it.
Angle your hand slightly outwards for maximum impact. Always imagine you're hitting through your target. The rest is all practice.

Who do you talk to the most?

Today's writer's block. I imagine most Livejournal users live in a sewer and are some kind of frogman hybrid monster so they talk to themselves.

I do write original posts, I promise. Just . . . I felt like writing on this topic.

I talk most to my mom. Ironically, yes, because we don't talk even once a week lately. But when we do talk, I become such a chatterbox I wonder how she can stand it.

People who aren't comfortable with long pauses in a conversation won't get much out of me. If you can't wait more than three seconds before saying something, "just to fill the silence," I won't have much to offer. It takes me time to complete a thought.

My brain is a lot like a Vic-20. Slow write speed.
It doesn't take me long to think of something but generally I find it best not to say what I'm thinking so I can go forever in silence. It's not awkward for me, assholes.

I'm noticing more and more lately that I'm a slow starter. This isn't an appreciated trait. People want go-getters and quick movers.

Slow start is a shit trait in Pokemon, yes.
Attack and speed halved for five turns, better stall them out until then.
Good thing a grand total of one Pokemon has the trait so it's not something you encounter that often.

They want snappy, witty. My husband's witty. I love that about him.

In conversation, I start out a little cold. Unless I've sought out someone to talk to about something in particular, I'm not really ready to spill my guts two minutes into talking. If you want depth from me, you have to wait.

Don't care that much. Are we seriously still on this writer's block? Time to pack it up, woman.

These are the kinds of things I wonder if I should change about myself to become better-liked, but at the same time am stubborn in thinking that I shouldn't have to change this quality; it's not a bad thing to be a little slow.

Yeeeees it is?

It's helpful to myself and others. I'm not always saying witty things that are ultimately hurtful or glib.

And that comes to you by virtue of being slow?
That sounds like you're just too stupid to think of something clever if you ask me.
Even quick people can keep a lid on that shit. The opposite of "a little slow" isn't "complete dickhead." See, it's statements like this that makes people think you're stupid, not the fact it takes you a second to start talking.

When someone takes the time to get to know me, they almost always conclude that I'm a deep thinker and provide helpful insight. If I focused my energy on being the first to speak, I wouldn't be able to ruminate so long on what I say.

Oh I can see you're a deep thinker, Mrs. "the opposite of slow is dick."

But . . . there's the rub. Not many people take the time to get to know me. It's too much work. I make it too much work. I should make it easier on people. I should be more outgoing. I could certainly use more friends.

Well we're one entry in and already I know you're a person I don't want to know.

What is your favorite word, and why?

Going by my last entry, "yet" has to be my favorite word. I must have said "and yet" a thousand times in that post.
There were a lot of contrasts to make, okay.
YET NOW, OUR CHAPTER IS PURE AND NOBLE.
Still trying to work "yet now" into common speech.

I literally saw this question and went "Oooh, favorite word!"

No but there's a website that makes a graphic of your most used words on a website and fuck was a good two times larger and in bold font compared to my other words.
So, fuck.

Before I tell you mine, which won't be a surprise at all, I have to tell you what someone else's is.

Dilapidated.

... Ok.

No joke. But not because of what the word means - because of how it sounds. "It sounds like what it is," she told me. Funny thing, though, is she couldn't define the word for the life of her.

I find the etymology of "revenge" kind of interesting. Most people don't think of it because all you say today is "revenge" but there is a re- prefix on it, just like rewind or realign, implying your typical status in life is venged, which is a word but won't turn up in most modern spellchecks.
In fact, in all of the modern things I've read I've only seen the term "venge" turn up once, and that was Final Fantasy Tactics. Further proof that game stands on its own as classic literature.

She could only give me word-pictures. The words "falling apart" never left her lips, yet she described that perfectly with her picture of an old, forgotten house.

Pretty sure dilapidated comes from dilapidare which is Latin for "waste".

Sherry, her name was. Neat woman. Very high-energy. Knew how to rock the makeup.

Okay, so my favorite word is . . .

Da da da dum . . .

Mercy.

Really?
Mercy?
As in "no mercy for the misguided"?

Well, as far as meanings go, it ties for first place with Grace, but the word "grace" doesn't sound as smooth and comforting coming out of my mouth as "mercy."

Oooh, time to psychoanalyze this.

Let's not.
Grace is such a stupid imprecise word anyway. Poise is vastly more accurate and sounds better to boot.
Because you can be graceful, which could imply both physical grace or some sort of mental or behavioral grace but then there's a grace period which isn't to be confused with being in a state of grace.
Christians ruined that word, man.

I think I don't like the sound of "grace" so much as "mercy" because I have a harder time accepting God's unmerited favor than I do accepting that He accepts me regardless of where I've gone wrong. I know those are quite nearly the same, but they're different enough.

God's unmerited favor.
Did you know in Cambodia there's a spore that, if inhaled by a specific kind of fire ant, the spore eats the brain of the ant, gains control of its body, forces it to climb a tree whereupon a new spore pod erupts from the ant's head, repeating the process?
I never really hear Christians bringing this up when they talk about the miracles of the physical world as proof of a loving God.
Or, God loves us unconditionally but what about cancer?
If God created all of the creatures that creepeth upon the earth then surely he created cancer, too.
I know this isn't a strict argument against God (he could be real and created cancer and brain spores, too) but I do consider this strong evidence for not worshiping him.

Mercy is "I love you anyway." Grace is "I love you just because." Mercy is "I'll tolerate you." Grace is "I revel in you."

God is all merciful and graceful. Brain spores.
Well, I guess we should be thankful the spores are limited to ants and don't infest people, too.

I feel I don't believe I am to be cherished. It makes me nervous when someone acts loving toward me with no provocation. My brain is locked into this pattern of thinking I must do something in order to be treated well.

Yes, that is how it works. If you act like a complete dipshit no one will like you.

I'm just now, in my mid-twenties, beginning to understand that while I have never felt that others need to do something to receive love from me, my actions say otherwise. I act grateful and nicely towards most everyone, but overt displays of affection come at a cost.

As well they should. Look, don't become an entitled twat on me.

You might be relived to know that I fit none of the descriptors of a sociopath.

Oh really, someone whose favorite word is mercy isn't a sociopath?
I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

Cynicism is a sickness. Skepticism can be, if not held in check.

Optimism is a delusion.
I can say extreme shit too.
I say cynicism is the preferred stance to hold on the world. Take my Ifrit fight last night in FFXIV. Idiot healers, no one (myself included) is really properly geared for this-- we're going to lose.
So we lost. Am I disappointed? Fuck no, I knew it all along.
But had we won? Holy shit, that would have been an event worthy of song.
We did pretty damn good, all things considered. We got him to like 50%, at which time he promptly went Super Saiyan being close to him caused damage. Then he opened the ground up and lava came out and everyone died.

Song on the radio a lot lately has this line:

"You don't need to move, love has come to you; all you gotta do is turn around."

But another song has the lines:

The night is calling
I have to go
The wolf is hungry
He runs the show
He's licking his lips
He's ready to win

That is the second song I know if recorded in the 80s that compares love to a hungry wolf as a major metaphor of the song. Well, really, Duran Duran's classic is a simile so the comparison isn't as strong.

I love that picture. Too often, receiving love becomes a sort of test: if you jump through this hoop, say this prayer, dress this way... you're okay.

No I like the Duran Duran/The Scorpions picture better. Love is something you have to earn, possibly through trial by fire. Having seen both of those videos, they both go through a lot of shit to get their DBGs.
You know, who wants this bullshit "oh turn around and you get me tee-hee~" nonsense. No, that's not a relationship built to last. Now, comparing yourself to a hungry wolf and wandering through the jungle and almost drowning or falling to your death on a rickety bridge in India and then you get her, well, you've really done something.

You're lovable. I think most everyone seeks love, respect, acceptance (all at their core the same) as the ultimate goal of life. For love to seek us out is completely opposite of what we expect.

But love does seek us out. And so powerful is love that we cannot hide; love has found us. If we would only stop looking.

Stop looking? So just kick back and accept mediocrity and all will be fine.
I can't believe it. Even pop songs from the 80s were wiser than the bullshit out today.

When we are little, we are consumed with the outside world, completely un-self-aware, and unburdened. As we grow, we become increasingly self-conscious and self-aware. Then, as adults, we finally let go of being consumed with ourselves... only to find that we've lost the fascination we had as children with the world.

Oh God, this nonsense. Chasing phantasms is what you're doing. Life wasn't better when you were a little kid. It was really just a prolonged exercise in waiting until you're old enough to understand shit. You just look back fondly because you were too stupid to know better so you think it was better.

We must become children again. We must regain that sense of wonder, that unashamed ignorance. To admit we don't know and not cringe!

No, let's not.
Goddamn I remember the frustration at not being able to read when I rented Final Fantasy III. No, let's not go back to that dark time.
Ignorance isn't fun. Ignorance is frustrating.

We grow up and learn about ourselves so that we can learn about others. We begin to take responsibility for ourselves, begin to give as much as we're given. But instead of taking this maturity and going forward, we find a spot we like and content ourselves with contentedness.

Yeah, we find our niche. Something we're competent doing. Something children can't enjoy and 90% of the angst of childhood.

Eternal life begins with the complete acceptance of an unfathomable universe and undying desire to know more. Salvation is meeting Jesus. Eternal life is a gift, and if you know Him you have it. But you won't experience it until you open your eyes.

Holy shit how did this become a sappy post about Jesus?
What if I'm content with Jesus? Would your suggestion be to move on from Jesus?
Somehow I bet that didn't figure into your bullshit posturing.
You Christians really can make anything about Jesus.

First, I love God. I believe His commandments are The Commandments, and I love His law. I also love that He became a child and a son unto Himself, taking on human flesh, and I honestly believe that He paid the price for our sin in blood. I believe that Jesus died and canceled my debt, and I believe just as much that the debt was valid.

You know the economy is bad when the major comparison to religious passion is debt cancellation.

I must make myself clear on this point, because I know many who believe that Jesus died to save them, but don't seem to acknowledge that He had a real reason other than the "unreasonable, irrational" wrath of God.

That's what I need to defeat Ifrit. The unreasonable, irrational, unbridled wrath of an angry god.
The baleful hate of a dying god, in fact.
Here, look at Edie going toe-to-toe with Ifrit:
Landing those 840 damage Victimize IIs, oh yeah. Make him your victim, not the other way around.
Half of my skill bar is for the express purpose of buffing up Victimize II. My entire goal in that fight is to Victimize II.
You might notice no other people around and Ifrit is facing Edie.
LAST ONE STANDING OH YEAH~
And to draw this full circle: someone properly stepping into a punch.

So, am I pro-choice? No. I believe that though we have free will, God has made it clear that He has a single-minded purpose for our lives. Every choice we make, if we believe in God, ought to be made in light of that overall purpose.

"Here let me give you free will and then punish you for using it instead of following what I tell you to do."
One might wonder why he bothered at all but then again he does have a PERFECT AND MYSTERIOUS PLAN.

Am I pro-life? Of course. Who isn't pro-life? Life, in general, is what we all strive for and exist to experience.

I don't think that's what that means.

But I'm being facetious. Let me ask a different question, since I seem to have an issue with the "pro-life" banner.

Am I anti-choice? No. What do I mean by that? I mean that the opposite of pro-choice is called "pro-life" but in reality it's anti-choice, and I am not that. I am not for legislating no abortions no matter what the circumstance.

... So there you have it, I guess. She's pro-choice because she's not anti-choice.
And she's not against legislation for no abortions.
Or you might say she's for legislation in favor of abortion, to keep this syntactical nightmare a bit more manageable.
The only reason she set it up like that is because she didn't want to say she's in favor of abortions. She wants to be moderately for it.
No, fuck that. BE FIRM IN YOUR CONVICTIONS.
How's this shit? I'm against abortion but for killing babies. Everyone loses under my system.

I think if families taught their children, sons and daughters, that an unborn child is not a mass of tissue and blood like a growth inside a woman that could either become a child or not, then there would be no "abortion controversy." But as long as children are not taught that fetuses are really lives, we have this problem of people considering abortion as one of their options after they become pregnant.

So a fetus is life because it can become a baby.
By that logic sperm is life because it can become a fetus, and as we all know there are billions of sperm cells released at once but only one becomes a baby, so every man who has ever ejaculated is a killer far in excess of Hitler and Stalin combined.
Or, hey, an egg can become a baby so any woman who has had her period is a serial killer.
I mean that egg could have just as easily been a baby as not but you selfishly chose not to get pregnant so you are clearly guilty. Would you watch as a two year old drowned? Of course not. You'd wade into the pool and save it.

It's possible to fight culture, but not without unnecessary casualties. It is better to fight for souls. Fight for those unborn children, but don't fight against their mothers! Win the mother, win the child. Lose the mother, lose the child.

I updated my stance. I'm against abortion but for killing women.
I don't know why but for some reason that looks so much worse than "for killing babies." I guess saying you're against abortion but for killing babies is clearly so ridiculous it's a joke but "against abortion but for killing women" sounds like something a guy in jail might say so it doesn't seem as funny.

And teach your children God's truth if you believe it. Don't soften the hard truth of God's word to match the malleable beliefs of your culture. Don't tell your children that "some people believe it's just a fetus, and that's okay." It's not okay. Are the people who believe that okay people? People we can become friends with and love? Yes. But is that belief okay? No!

Beat your thoughts to the mold of your will.

I don't put myself in the pro-choice camp, but at the same time I really can't say I'm pro-life, because what it boils down to is that no matter how huge an issue abortion is, the fate of our souls is bigger. And pro-lifers, in my experience, are prone to lose sight of that. May I never, ever forget what really matters.

I'm not saying I wish it on you but it would be really interesting to hear your thoughts on this subject if you were having a rape baby.
Also you'd think God, with his perfect and mysterious plan for all life would have headed off this problem before it happened. Or maybe abortion is part of his eternal and perfect plan? If he has a plan for all life then clearly aborting fetuses isn't against his plan because it continues to happen.
Oh, man, fuck this blog.
And by sheer coincidence I am up to the first post.
Time to stop writing.