Rust never sleeps

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Got this overtime thing I gotta do at work for a while and when that's done I'm going to Japan for 4 days so updates might be a little sparse.
Basically I worked 60 hours last week.
That might be normal for some plebeians but not for a glorious patrician class like myself.
And I was a little sick on top of it so basically what I'm saying is I know serious suffering.
Just kidding I'd rather do 60 hours like that than 15 hours at Harris Teeter.
Or, God help me, 50ish hours at that shitty high school I student taught for.
At least this place pays and has the good sense to not ask for the impossible.
Hey can you do 10 hours of work for 2 people in 5 hours with 1 person?
No?
Why not?
Anyway I'm just going to trawl the tumblr feminism front page because that's basically blogging to me at this point.

have you ever heard any wild gaming conspiracies?

Yeah I heard Chucklefish took your fucking money and ran.
Anyone who dropped 15 bucks on Starbound--
Well, that's 15 string cheeses you can never buy.
What kind of idiot would buy that game on the promises that it'd be a glorious space journey where you can build an entire techno city on an alien planet?
CERTAINLY NOT FUCKING ME ;_;

Yeah, there’s this one ridiculous conspiracy theory going around that women, LGBTQ folks, and people of color don’t actually play videogames, and any criticism they bring up is not the legitimate concerns of dedicated fans and consumers, but rather a shadowy crusade by disinterested outsiders to destroy anything fun and make everything “politically correct” - for some as-yet-unknown (but clearly unacceptable) reason.

I know tons of black people who play video games so that one isn't true but the others are real.
Let's look at #women in games for proof.

What I like in Game Of Thrones, it’s that the women are so badass .

That's a TV show and a series of books, dipshit.
Yet another fine example of fairly competent writing (not groundbreaking) that was ruined by its retard fans.
I salute George RR Martin, though. Fairly above standard author with an original spin on an idea catapulted into millions. Good on him.
Notice I didn't say good author or original idea. Because he isn't and hasn't.

3

JUST… some GoT strong womens .
yeah…. i just love Arya
and Brienne.
okey….i like Sansa too.

Game of Thrones again--
I love these .5 second gif loops that might as well be a still image. Please, let's keep doing that.
Because, you know, if you're browsing imgur on your phone like I often am you might as well put a bullet in your brain now.
I can't wait until I can read what people think about the characters in my book.
I'm sure it'll bottom sore tumblr feminists.
I'm not about to be super edgy here and say that's my goal because it isn't. I'm just letting the cards fall where they land and I'm sure it'll end with them being offended.
Because unlike every industry in the world I'm not kowtowing to this demographic.

If you haven’t heard about this yet, last night the BBC aired a powerful documentary called Blurred Lines that explored casual misogyny online and rape culture.

>casual misogyny online
Listen, as a man who has spent 10+ years playing female characters you sometimes run into someone who assumes you're either a woman irl or you're incompetent because your character is a girl.
The important thing to know is:
1. you can use this to your advantage
2. you just need to get your murder on better than them and then that dispels all doubts.

Assassin's Creed Unity:*no playable female Assassins* 

I'm glad Ubisoft told everyone to go fuck off about this.
Also there's a gameplay reason for it.
Hyrule Warriors:*10 playable characters, 8 of them are women*

Male gamers:WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! There are too many girls in this game! What about us, the male fans? Why the female fans have more options? Women aren't interesting, if you don't include more men in the game then the story will become boring!

1. they're not done announcing the roster
2. no one is overreacting like this
You know looking at this tag I see why some game companies and real gamers are concerned. #women in games is 90% not video games.
I guess women think game of thrones, bitching about clothes and general bitchiness is video games.
Way to destroy that stereotype.
Lol blog about repairing female armor
NOT IN MY WORLD.

alright, i hope this isnt too off-topic, but this game has a female protagonist with a face that isn’t doll like, 

 Yeah it's about video games.

Stop that.

Dudes complain a lot about how men are objectified as much as women in games.

No one cares. We just say that because you fucking moan about how skinny and attractive women are in games. The common defense is "yeah and men are ripped" but unlike you no one is actually losing any sleep over it on the other side of the camp.

Would I want to play a video game with someone with my level of physical competency?

No. That game would be over the second Alduin lands and starts breathing fire on people.

Can we ever have a talk about sexism in the games/digital art industries without one or more dudes having a whine about how boring they find having this discussion?
Dear Those Dudes: Not EVERYTHING is done for the entertainment of men. Jesus.

Go ahead and have it all you like.
Just not with me.
Just like how everything isn't done to entertain me, you don't need me to have your little discussion.

See, if a woman (especially in battle) would wear something more comfortable and logical the world would explode. Right?

Yeah I need a lot of logic from my games where I can make pacts with demons and shoot fire out of my mouth.

Here's someone bitching about Soul of the Ultimate Nation's armor:

Even she looks like she doesn’t want to be there.
“Sigh. Really? Do I really have to wear this?”

Well she is in Soul of the Ultimate Nation so she probably doesn't want to be there.

I had a great time speaking to a packed house at High Point University in North Carolina about women in video games. 

lol HPU enjoy your overpriced shit.

Seriously if you don’t have a crush on any of these women, (straight, lesbian, bisexual etc)
Then you need to get your priorities sorted!

STOP FUCKING OPPRESSING ME JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE WHITE WOMEN WITH MAN JAWS GOD HELP ME TRIGGER WARNING no but seriously you're out of your fucking mind.

Transformers Fans:why aren't there any girl transformers?
Hasbro:lol silly women. they are robots. alien robots. they don't have genders. why would there be girls? lol 

Fine argument to me but in fact Transformers did have girls.
Oh right I'm sorry I forgot no woman gave a shit about Transformers in the 80s and only leeched on when it was socially acceptable to be a nerd but they tortured you if you were one in high school.
My mistaaaaake~

[M]ale players who play female characters behave very differently than female players playing female characters, most tellingly in the way that they move. For some weird reason, they tend to “move backwards more often” and are more likely to physically distance themselves from the rest of their party. They also use a lot more smiling emoticons, tend to select more conventionally attractive avatars (duh), and jump around a lot more than female players — 116 times more on average, as a matter of fact.

>2014
>not distancing yourself from plebeians
the other shit is bullshit. I never jump unless I have to and I never go backwards because that would imply cowardice.

The research team thinks that this could be because many male players use female avatars so that other male players will be nicer to them (which is hilarious given the way that female players are treated in a lot of other multiplayer games), so jumping around is a way to hold their attention.

Lol not just picking girl characters to stare at their asses
why is everyone except me gay
If I see one more fucking picture of Natalie Dormer on this tag I'm out.
She's fucking weird looking. She's not hot.
There she is I'm out fuck the world.

FOR I AM THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD

Blogging is out.
Bullshit social media is in.
You know what blogs are?
Fanfiction journals.
No really. Go to Dreamwidth and find something that's not something I haven't talked about.
Anyway today we're trying something different.
I'm mostly going to waffle about Korea because who gives a solid fuck about any of this garbo but the garbage in question is something new.
Let's peel away the horrific layers of tumblr.
Where better to start than the feminism tag?
I can't figure this shit out.
Ok all this shit is really on tumblr and you're just going to have to take my word for it.
I think.
You know I'm trustworthy. I don't need to make these people seem any worse than they already are.

I came across a Tumblr account called “Women Against Feminism,” which as a feminist intrigued me, so I clicked. First, I immediately passed out from ignorance.

If you disagree with me you're ignorant.

Then I collected myself and looked through the posts and photos. I was actually shocked. I know a lot of people don’t consider themselves feminists because they’re not educated on what feminism actually is. I’m happy to discuss feminism and do what I can to reduce the stigma against it.

Isn't this kind of the religious argument made by Christers and Muslims?
WELL THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE NOT IS BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings condemning them to spend their lives in search for their other halves.”
~Plato’s The Symposium.

Zeus was also known to punch a motherfucker in the back.

Wicca is the only religion where women are seen as equal to men.. 

Also a gay religion made up in the 1950s.

 girls being kept out of the sciences and pushed into the humanities; the humanities being valued less in our society than the sciences; and the humanities and sciences being looked at as stark opposites that couldn’t possibly be enjoyed for the same reasons are all problems that need to in some degree be tackled together

Literally no one is keeping girls in the humanities. You are free to major in anything you want and using men as an excuse for why science is too hard for your dumbass doesn't mean you're oppressed. If you want to see oppression go to Saudi Arabia where they zing acid in women's faces you stupid cunt.

how many times have you only said yes because you were afraid of how a man would react to your no?

0 times.
And if you weren't such a drama queen your answer would probably be 0 too.
I'm reminded of that time that woman ran from me in the parking deck at college because I had the temerity to follow 50 feet back.
Sorry we parked in one of the literally 3 places you can park at the same time. Next time I'll be sure to check my privilege and kill myself.

This October, Marvel will introduce an all-new series called “Thor, God of Thunder”—and Thor will be a woman.
From a Marvel press release: “No longer is the classic male hero able to hold the mighty hammer, Mjölnir, a brand new female hero will emerge will who will be worthy of the name Thor.”

Oh someone played Skyrim.
That looks pretty kick ass. Not going to lie. Too bad comics are for nerds and women now.
Also I'm pretty sure Thor is based on a mythological character who is a man but whatever comics are for fags.

if they don’t make wonder woman this feminist in the movie then i’ll be severely disappointed

They probably fucking will because 90% of people who go to comic book movies are women who just want to look at shirtless men and write gay fanfic.
Here's one called your fave is problematic.
What is this?
I love that word "problematic", too.
I've been told something I said was problematic. Know what my response was?
"So fucking what?"
Motherfucker I will fight you. I will not be cowed.

*whispers* do you think ALL my favs are problematic? 

Probably.

Warhammer, Shin Megami Tensei, The Roman Empire and The Elder Scrolls.

ALL PROBLEMATIC.

I don't like things that aren't problematic.

Know what "not problematic" means to me?
Not challenging.

If you just want to sit around looking at your ass while you play with your tits go ahead but meanwhile shit gets real.

It’s great that you’re no longer using ‘native’ as a noun.  Is there a reason you don’t acknowledge your own racist language? And instead just edit to erase it?

Native is racist?
You can't be a native?
I am native to America.

I am a foreigner in Korea.

These are not racist words. These are facts.

That's normal here in Korea. If people don't know you they just call you by what you look like.

So I hear hey American a lot.

My response?
Hello Korean.

No one gives a fuck.

Appropriative Yin Yang tattoo

That is douchey as fuck but what, you're not allowed to enjoy another culture?

Or use shit from it?

I guess that makes me the fucking devil.

What about all the Koreans appropriating delicious American fast food?
Or their tattoos in broken English (yes those are real)?

Is that appropriating too or is that somehow different?

Appropriative tattoo

And it's written in Chinese.

No shit: Koreans have tattoos in broken English. I guess there's no resisting the allure of writing you can't read.

But only if you are trashy and stupid.

The one thing I disagree with is “don’t accuse anyone unless charges have been made,” I think that’s up to the victim to decide. 54% of rapes go unreported and 97% of rapists aren’t convicted, so if we only addressed those who were that’d be a very small portion of rapists.

Yes make sure you accuse without proof.

The Guantanamo Bay approach to justice.

Better 100 innocent men die than 1 guilty man goes free or so says Warhammer.

"My Fave Is Problematic. Now What?"

Who gives a shit?

Oh no tumblr doesn't like what I like. Better change what I think!

How about you roll over and let them stomp on the other side of your face?

Am I still allowed to like them?
Yes. No one is stopping you from doing anything. You can like and consume their work without liking them as a person. You can even like them as a person, so long as you recognize that they do have problematic issues.

Fuck off.
This blog has single handedly made me like Nicki Minaj just because she's on it.

How can I be a good fan?
Try and make them a better person. If they do something problematic, call them out on it. I recognize that famous people are busy and don’t read every single Twitter reply or Facebook comment they get, but still try it. At the very least, you’ll be educating other fans.

Shin Megami Tensei apparently exists to offend every demographic known to man.
The second they show a hint of kowtowing to these harlots I'm out.

Globalisation: On Cultural Appropriation and Why it Isn’t Always Bad

This post can also be subtitled “Why certain things aren’t problematic when certain races say them.”

OR: WHY BLACK PEOPLE CAN SAY NIGGER BUT CRACKER ASS CRACKERS CAN'T.
Fuck you I said it what are you going to do about it?
Here's a post about Selena Gomez.
Let me tell you the only thing problematic about her: the tent I'm pitching.

You said that "You’re right in stating that Japan was an imperialist nation, but the Japanese language is only really spoken in Japan." 

I talk to a 97 year old Korean man via Japanese because Imperialist Japan made him learn it back during the war eat a dick you stupid twat holy shit

Many people still alive today (especially Koreans) were forced to learn Japanese in the days of Japanese colonialism. I'm not trying to excuse English as a colonial language, but your half-assed justification about why Japanese is offensive to millions of Koreans. 

Koreans sure are bitter about Japan.
Like I'm not telling them to get over it but you know there's no reason for me to be angry at any Japanese person my age. It's not like they personally bombed Pearl Harbor or raped Nanking.

What point are you trying to make here? The people we’re calling out for appropriating Japanese are obviously not Korean. The Japanese have been in the role of the oppressor and the oppressed in recent history. The British and Americans, on the other hand, have not.

So that's different because they've been oppressed too.
Time to get over that Unit 731 shit because the Japanese were oppressed too you selfish bastards.
Make sure to always play the victim.
And you know further that 97 year old man isn't butthurt. He resents what happened but he also understands that Japanese people aren't inherently evil. They were under a tyrant and people just don't think that much so they can be swayed easily.
That doesn't make it right but being mad at some 17 year old Japanese girl today is fucking stupid.
In fact just today in my advanced class we were talking about this shit. Some kid was pissed at Japan and I said it was silly and he asked if I hated Muslims because of 9/11 and I said no I'm not.
Why should I hate every Muslim because some goat herder from Saudi Arabia was convinced to blow up a building?
There are far more practical reasons to hate every person I cross paths with. I don't even need to go to ideology to think of reasons to dislike someone.
For people so anti-racist there are about a million posts about blackface.
I bet the KKK doesn't even think about minstrel shows this much.

I saw that you have a post about John Slattery and his use of blackface on Mad Men. Mad Men is based in the 60s when times were much more racist and in the show they acknowledge that what his character was doing was fucked up. Would he, as person and not as a character, be considered problematic even though the show is confronting the racism of that era? 

If you depict or say anything in a story it means you think it. It is impossible, as a creator, for you to state something you don't agree with.
I have learned that from these social justice warriors.
Wow what does that say about them?

Era isn’t an excuse for racism. Racism was wrong in the 60’s and it was wrong before the 60’s, just because it was more widely accepted during those points in time doesn’t mean it was actually alright.
It was still problematic because it was still blackface. It’s great that the show acknowledged that his characters behavior was wrong, but he still put on blackface. Satiric racism is still racism, no one should ever participate in blackface for any reason.

So it is wrong for you to depict a racist character doing something racist because it might offend someone?
Wow.

Interesting blog, definitely something that people need to read to open their view on the world. I have a question though. My friend isn't Muslim and her parents are not though her grandfather is and he has taught her about the religion and meaning of it and she really identifies with it even though she isn't part of that religion. She also wants to get a tattoo of the Islam sign (crescent and star). Would that be cultural appropriation? 

The Prophet Muhammad would demand her hand be cut off.

Well, I don’t think it’s very appropriate considering tattoos are prohibited in the faith and getting something tattooed which you don’t believe in doesn’t sound very respectful.

Well the Prophet Muhammad was an immense coward. 
Is it cultural appropriation that I am listening to Ice Cube right now and enjoying it?
The album "The Predator" is one of the best albums of all time.
Of course the best rap album of all time is Straight Outta Compton.
Then Doggystyle.
Then probably The Predator.
But the best rap song of all time is Mind Playing Tricks on Me, which is off the album "We Can't Be Stopped" which outside of that one song is otherwise unremarkable. 

You know that Christians were actually severely persecuted before they were recognized as an actual religion? They were mostly the ones being crucified, they were tortured daily, they would even be dragged to Roman garden parties and lit on fire for a light source. I'm not saying their hands are clean (FAR FAR FROM IT), but there's not "no history of Christian oppression". 

Ave Caesar.
Also that's fucking sweet. As someone with Pagan sympathies I am going to claim persecution and cultural appropriation on everything in the world basically because in 380 AD Christians sacked a bunch of Pagan temples.

I think that whomever said that was referring to modernday, because yes, there was Christian oppression going on when it was just starting. But nowadays, you’re more likely to be accepted for being Christian/Catholic/Baptist/Jehovah’s Witness ect than a religion like Paganism. Hope that helped!

MMMM I'M OPPRESSED.
Also do I detect you using "whomever" incorrectly to sound smarter than you really are?
Yeah thought you could just get that one over on me huh?
I just spent 8 hours today having fairly advanced Korean students throwing the hardest sentences they can think of to see if they can create a monstrosity I can't diagram.
The answer is that's impossible.
"Whomever" usually indicates a dependent clause, retard.
"Whoever said that was referring to..." stands alone, but "I think that..." doesn't.
Or to make it even simpler:
whoever = he
whomever = him
"I think that him said that..." makes you sound like a caveman.

Characters, songs, etc do reflect on the creator. Characters, songs, etc are also open to criticism on an individual basis. We aren’t over-analyzing shit, the things celebrities are called out on here contribute to the oppression and harm of people. 

It is literally impossible to create something that you don't agree with.

What if someone is half a race (e.g. I am half Indian, half Australian) but they've never lived in that country, weren't raised in that culture etc? I use some indian words and I wear Indian clothes occassionlly, especially to family events. Should this not be allowed just because I wasn't raised in India/ an Indian society? 

No that's great. Ask the oversensitive white girls what you should do as a half Indian.

just a question, do you feel that the oppression of italian americans and irish americans during the 18th-20th century could be considered racism? 

Yeah because Koreans consider themselves white (and Americans, etc) but not Thais.
Basically I'm trying to say race is kind of made up.
Not to sound like a social justice warrior or anything but at some point we're all just spinning our fucking label makers.

While it wouldn’t necessarily be racism (Irish- and Italian-Americans could be white) it most certainly was oppression. Xenophobia is probably a more accurate term.

Nah go for it. We're talking about the same culture that produced Julius fucking Caesar and Machiavelli and now the best they can do is go deep, deep in debt and produce guido culture?
Fuck them.
I say this as an American with an unpronounceable Italian last name so kiss my dick if you want to bitch about Italiophobia or some made up bullshit.

In response to another ask, you said food cannot be culturally appropriated. However, it absolutely can - and is. A lot of food, especially in the US, is culturally appropriated. Even hummus. There are a lot of posts about it on tumblr. 

Who
cares

Care to give us links to these posts?

Yeah link us up in the way we don't.

Twats.
 Can we just make a disclaimer, once and for all that Western Civilization/Culture/Eurocentrici Ideals and Christianity (for the most part) CANNOT be appropriated because so much of it is oppressive and has historically sought to replace and destroy various other cultures AND succeeded to do so. Especially with regards to Christian holidays and iconography because Christianity as an institution has for a LONG time tried to force itself on other people and cultures. 

Lol show Christers some of the shit I've seen people here do to Jesus and see if that's still true.

Bless this message.

MMMM.
Tumblr is pretty funny.

if my asian friend brings me back gifts from a recent trip to vietnam, is it culturally appropriative of me to wear/use them? what if a white friend did the same? 

An Asian girl gave me a Starbucks coffee today. Is that cultural appropriation? Should I have thrown it in her face?
FUCK.

Are there any times when appropriation would be ok? For example, if a person has studied or immersed his/herself in the culture? I had a second question but can't remember now. Dang. 

I am ready to fall on my sword here.
I AM SORRY I OFFENDED YOU, SOCIAL JUSTICE GOD!

I don’t think you quite understand what cultural appropriation means. It is never okay.
However, taking part in another culture is okay if it is not a closed culture, if you are doing things properly (e.g., not using sacred items as fashion,) and/or if you have been invited by a member of that culture.

Whew dodged that bullet.
Anyway fuck this gay earth I'm leaving goodbye.

IT'S WEDNESDAY

At least where I am. Get on my level. So the common blog is basically dead. Livejournal is unusable and Dreamwidth appears to be fully switching to fanfiction which I am not reading. That's fucking stupid bullshit that should stop too but that will have to be another generation's fight.
So let's settle into our twilight of mediocrity with Dear Abby.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning to attend a birthday party for my friend "Sophia" who is turning 50. When I mentioned to her that I would be shopping for her birthday gift, she asked that while I was shopping for her, that I also pick up a gift for her friend "Stacy."
I have met Stacy only a couple of times, and I think it was extremely nervy for Sophia to ask me to do it. The party is only for her, and I don't see the connection.
Sophia has done this in the past, and I'm trying to think of a way to tell her I'd rather not buy a gift for her friend. How should I handle this? -- NO LONGER A DOORMAT

"Don't tell me how to live my life, bitch."

DEAR ABBY: My friend's husband has been writing a novel for several years. He just self-published it, and it's available on Amazon. He gave me a copy, asked me to read it and enter a great review on the Amazon page. The problem is the book is filled with misused and misspelled words, and there is missing punctuation. He even switched the names of two characters. (His wife, who is a "perfectionist," was his editor.)
Aside from the fact that I don't want to finish the book, I know he or my friend will ask me how I liked it. I don't want to lie because I'm afraid if someone else brings these things to their attention, they'll know I didn't read it or think I should have told them.

Nope fuck that he's in the publishing world now if he can't handle a little criticism he should stop writing.

I know they will be embarrassed if I bring it to their attention.
Frankly, I think it's too late to say anything negative because the book has already been printed. I also don't want to cause hurt feelings because I know how long he worked on this project and he's proud of it. How do I handle this? -- READER IN THE SOUTHWEST

You rip into that shit like you're a cannibal taking a big bite right out of his heart.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Gene" for three years, living together for a year and a half.

"Gene"

Our biggest problem is, he doesn't keep a "normal" schedule. Gene eats at odd hours, exercises at the strangest times and will stay awake 'til the wee hours of the morning, then crash for a day or so. He seems unfazed by this wackiness. He's responsible, holds a good job and comes from a terrific family, but his habits are taking a toll on me.

That's because he's Gene Starwind, captain of the Outlaw Star. He has to outrun Taoists looking for the Galactic Ley Line. Cut the man some slack.

DEAR ABBY: Can you settle a dispute for me? When you go up to a house with two doors -- a regular door and a screen door -- and there is no doorbell, is it proper to open the first door and knock on the second door or is it considered rude? 

... What, are you fucking retarded?
No, knock on the screen door until the glass breaks, idiot.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a new husband, and things I thought I could tolerate before we were married are really bugging me now. I raised a daughter with another woman, and my current wife deleted every picture of her -- from sonograms to her second birthday -- and won't let me keep anything of hers.
I understand she wants our lives to be about us, but I try to keep it separate and the resentments are starting to fester. I'd confront her, but she's pregnant and has been extra emotional about me even leaving for work.

Damn look at this thug.
Get used to having your nuts in a sling because I see who is already running your fucking life.

What do I do? Should I wait eight more months for the baby and then say something? I'm afraid I will snap before then. 

Remind that bitch you have another daughter that you need to pay attention to.
I can't believe how fucking stupid you are, though. You have fucked up on such an ineffable level that I'm pretty sure there's no advice that can be given to you that you'll take.
Like this really is the adviser's dilemma, and I've been in this situation before, where your dumbass did something so fucking wrong the fact you did this in the first place pretty much proves you won't listen to common sense on how to fix it.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Beth" has a boyfriend, "Danny." They have a 6-month-old baby girl. Neither one has a driver's license, and they both have low-paying part-time jobs.
Beth expects us to baby-sit, take her to the doctor, etc. Mom is now starting to refuse to do more than baby-sit on Sunday, because she says Beth needs to get her license and look for a better job, and it won't happen until she's "pushed to the wall." Only then will she realize she has to.
I agree, but I feel Beth and Danny should pursue their dreams. It takes money to get a license, and where we live there is no public transportation. What's your take on this tug-of-war? -- BIG BROTHER IN CALIFORNIA

Pursue their dreams?
What the fuck is the matter with you?
That shit takes work and perseverance and shit. Also usually you start that path before you inject a child into the mix.
Once you have a kid it's time to stop being selfish cunt hipsters and get your fucking license.
And fuck you for enabling this weakness.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriends are always trying to get me drunk. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and in fact, I rarely drink. They say I'm "no fun," which is probably true. But that's just who I am.

Well there you go. By your own admission you're not fun so to enhance the situation you need alcohol infused.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I share a credit card that was opened under my name. I use it for gas and household or family needs. She uses it for personal things such as buying dolls for her collection.
I was informed that I will no longer be able to use the card after the last statement we got. (I had spent more than $100 on gas for the month.) I feel I am using the card for the purpose for which it was intended. Buying things that aren't for the family but for her personal enjoyment wasn't our agreement.

It's your credit card, idiot. Cut her the fuck off.
What is it with people today?

I'm not sure how to approach her about this without it becoming an argument. She has a spending problem.
I recently found a job, so I contribute financially to the household. This is something that has been thrown in my face every time we talk about money. I want to see the statement so I can compare who spent how much on what, but when I ask to see it, she gets defensive. -- IN THE DARK IN MICHIGAN

"I recently found a job, so I contribute..." to me, seems to imply that previously you didn't have a job and weren't contributing financially.
This raises a couple of questions:
1. when I had a job, why was I denied a credit card with no credit (good or bad) and this retard with no job gets a credit card no problem? Fucking typical.
2.  bro what the shit are you doing with your life? You engaged this bitch with no job? So naturally she got a job first and let it go right to her head. Now the foundation of your relationship is set around this bitch having a job and you needing to submit to her insanity because you're now engaged to a permanently power tripping bitch.
Priorities, dick.

DEAR IN THE DARK: If the credit card is in your name, then you are responsible for anything that is purchased with it. The statements are addressed to you, and you have a right to see them. That your fiancee is refusing to show them to you is a sure sign that she has something to hide.

I'd tell you the ultimate secret to picking up bitches that aren't shit but it'd probably just confuse your dumbass so I'll spare you the details.
Suffice it to say if there's a good way to get women and a bad way to get women you just shit all over the salad bar at Pizza Hut.

That's why you must take the card away from her to ensure that she isn't putting you into a financial hole you won't be able to dig yourself out of. And because the lady can't seem to control her spending, I'm urging you to think long and hard before marrying her, because after you do, you will be responsible for her debts.

Abby, listen.
I appreciate the advice you gave this guy.
You are absolutely right. He shouldn't marry her.
The fact he can't see this and needed to ask you proves he won't be able to see the wisdom in your words.

DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my third child. 

Oh boy. Oh it turns out to be a non-issue that can be solved with even the slightest amount of critical thought--
sort of like most of these letters, really--
Fuck.
Anyway I'm all caught up now and I suddenly find myself with something better to do so goodbye everyone--
I've had this song stuck in my head a while.