Gaben

STEAAAAAAAAAAAM SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE
My wallet is ready, Gaben. Please take all my money.
Day 1 acquisitions: Rogue Legacy- AKA what if Rogue-likes weren't all fucking gay and stupid and Hotline Miami- AKA what happened if the 80s never ended and turned into a surreal horror story.
Anyway Dreamwidth was playing some whiny music I couldn't find the source of (I think some twat uploaded it and set it to autoplay so the main page was just playing it by default) but none of that matters because this blog comes via request.
Yeah I'm popular enough to get requests.
Anyway I'm just waiting for the new Steam sales.

Holy mackerel, ya'll, I have ninety-nine volunteers for transcript work. I'm pretty sure that if we haven't broken some kind of Volunteer Transcripting Feminist Brigade then we will soon if I keep getting more folks on board. SOMEONE CALL GUINNESS.  

Transcribing the important texts.
Pop quiz, everyone: name one feminist author and one book she wrote.
Margaret Atwood doesn't count because that's just bondage fetishist writings masquerading as whining woman bullshit.

Yesterday, I noted that the farm bill had passed the House with no funding for food stamps. The expectation was that Republicans were wrenching the two apart in order to attack the food stamp program with deep cuts. And so it begins:

Yeah. Cut food stamps but continue subsidizing crops that don't need subsidized anymore.
Bang up job all around, retards.
We're saving money while losing even more money to shit we don't want to cut because we'd lose graft!
I say cut everything.
Man is a wolf to man, as the Romans used to say.

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY THINKS PEOPLE ARE NOT ENTITLED TO FOOD.

Well I mean technically speaking you aren't entitled to anything. There was a time not too long ago where if you didn't grow/make money to buy your own food you were pretty much fucked. There was no social net to catch you.
I might contend with all of our progress and technology (which, like all great scifi authors, I believe hasn't set us as far apart from beasts as we like to believe it does) we should be a bit beyond letting people starve but trusting man to overcome is own nature to do so is a bit silly.
If I were people I'd try to endure and overcome because at the end of the day the only thing you can trust to get a job done right is you.

They think people are not entitled to jobs. They think people are not entitled to healthcare. They think people are not entitled to homes. They think people are not entitled to education. They think people are not entitled to safety. They think people are not entitled to equality. They think people are not entitled to vote. They think people are not entitled to agency. They think people are not entitled to any of what the baseline security of being a citizen in a wealthy democracy should guarantee.

Pretty sure the constitution entitles you to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It doesn't entitle you to any of the shit you just mentioned.
PURSUIT of happiness doesn't mean you'll achieve it.
It's like Steam achievements, man. Just because the game lists 60 achievements doesn't mean you'll get them all.
You gotta play it and do well.
Or if it's like most games beat the game then get really lucky with the rest.
This blog is really boring.
Why did this come requested?

[Content Note: Hostility to agency.]

What the fuck does that mean, exactly?

Hey, ya bunch of radical feminist weirdos! Long time no talk about LOVING AMERICA.

Man, all this abortion talk lately has really been getting under my skin. Along with three ticks I acquired while fishing with my best friend Dick Balzac last weekend, but I guess that ain't relevant right now. 

What the fuck does that mean?
I'm not reading all this.
More abortion shit I don't care about--

[Content Note: References to death and disaster.]

From a recent interview with British Cosmopolitan (What—did you think she would do an interview with NOT-British Cosmopolitan? You're so weird.):

    [Paltrow] disagrees with doctors who warn patients to avoid tanning. "We're human beings and the sun is the sun -- how can it be bad for you? I think we should all get sun and fresh air," the actress tells British Cosmopolitan. "I don't think anything that is natural can be bad for you -- it's really good to have at least 15 minutes of sun a day."

Well it does help with Vitamin D production.
She is right. Being outside 15 minutes probably won't kill you.
While I haven't been outside a contiguous 15 minutes in the last month that doesn't mean it's inherently harmful.
I just see no need to venture out.
She then proceeds to bitch for about five paragraphs about nature could conceivably harm you.
It's true it could but that's unlikely.
Being inside could harm you. You could accidentally swallow your own tongue if you contemplated how boring you are.

[Content Note: Fat bias; eliminationism; racism.]

What is eliminationism?
Sounds like something I need to be a part of.
Wikipedia defines eliminationism as:

Eliminationism is the belief that one's political opponents are "a cancer on the body politic that must be excised — either by separation from the public at large, through censorship or by outright extermination — in order to protect the purity of the nation".[1]

That gets a cool out of yes in my book.

Yesterday afternoon, I had the amazing opportunity to speak to a photography class taught by Shaker gwyllion about the Beauty Standard, culturally constructed norms, visibility, and transgressive/deviant beauty, specifically around fat bodies (although during the Q&A following my Skype talk I ended up talking a lot about other marginalized bodies, too, like trans* bodies, bodies with visible disabilities, etc.). 

What the shit?
If I majored in photography (I'd switch majors to something less useless) but if I majored in photography and that's what the class was about I'd walk the fuck out.
I'M TRYING
TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE A GODDAMN PICTURE.
I DON'T NEED THIS COW MOANING AT ME.

[Content note: Discussion of trans*phobia]

Gaben if this is the Steam sale today I think my wallet is going to come out largely intact.
75% off a game that barely fucking works.
COUNT ME THE FUCK IN!
50% off Fez, AKA pretentious hipster garbage!
HOLY SHIT.

[Content Note: Image of gun.]

The hilarious thing about this warning is I saw the gun before the warning.
Unless your monitor is especially small or you've configured your browser in a clever way you're almost guaranteed to have the gun and the warning on screen at the same time.

This weekend, after being friends online for a very long time, Jessica Luther (@scatx) and I met in person for the first time. And it was amazing. And we talked about all the things.

ALL THE THINGS THERE IT IS
I WAS WAITING
God that's the worst saying there is.
WE TALKED ABOUT ALL THE THINGS~
I can almost hear the annoying high pitched whine her voice hits to say that.
It really just needs an anime emoticon to bring my piss to a boil.
ALL THE THINGS ^.^
God I'm so fucking angry.

f you have appreciated being able to tune into Shakesville for coverage of the goings-on in Texas, or the recent Supreme Court decisions, or discussion of Paula Deen's racism free of fat hatred, ageism, and regionalism, please remember that Shakesville is run exclusively on donations. I would certainly appreciate your support, if you can afford to chip in. The donation link is in the sidebar to the right. 

Her blog is Shakesville.
She's asking for a handout.
Incidentally if you want to support the only guy who tells you how it is consider donating to Edie Finds a Corpse.

What is something you regularly do that people might consider "old fashioned?"

I'm not offended by everything I see or read.
I know, I know: way old fashioned but what can I say?

As for me, I still totes play my Atari 2600. For a long time, I was just super uncool. Now I'm a "retro gamer." LOL.

GRRRRL GAMER HERE

I don't use birth control.

I don't use birth control because I'm in a relationship with a man, and we would like to become pregnant. 

You mean you.
If he becomes pregnant that'd be worrying.

Two years ago, we spent a lot of time and money and tears trying to become pregnant through IVF -- a step we thought was necessary due to low sperm count after a vasectomy and vasectomy reversal -- but we didn't succeed. We didn't succeed because all the embryos we created ended up failing to thrive due to genetic abnormalities; the doctors decided that my husband and I were genetically incompatible to create healthy babies. 

Sounds like weak genes.
I think it'd be best if you adopted--
although your life outlook is an aberration, too.
Maybe cloying, crushing loneliness is best for you.
Fuck this gay earth.

Spin me a tale of fanfic, o muse

Let me tell you people about Dragon Age. Dragon Age is a video game released by Bioware and according to everyone that plays it it's the greatest RPG of the generation with a TOOOOTALLY DEEEEEEEEEEEP story and totally realistic characters.
I played it-- don't really get it. I mean it was okay but I definitely wouldn't call a plot that's basically "so there's this bad guy--" the deepest thing I've ever experienced in my life. The game play was refined-ish but I definitely wouldn't call it deeper than Baldur's Gate, and that shit came out like 10 years ago.
So then they released Dragon Age 2 which apparently (I haven't played it) reads like Twilight fanfiction. It was basically confirmed to have been written to attract women to the genre.
Because, you know, grimdark fantasy about demonic possession and blood magic is a natural choice for most women.
Anyway, welcome to the woman who was sold on DA2.

Shit. My private student loan isn't eligible for deferrment even though I'm a full-time student again and on federal loans. Where am I going to come up with $100 a month for that?

Work?
Is this a trick question?
If you rake in 7.50 a month you'd have to work about 15 hours a month (I adjusted for up to 12% of the payment in taxes) which even if you're double majoring in medicine and law you should be able to swing.
It's either that or die, so it seems like a small price to pay.

Have you or a friend ever been bullied? How did you get through it?

Today's writer's ('s's's) block. Guess how long it took me to find this blog thanks to this question?
Not very long.

I was bullied every single day in elementary and middle school from 3rd grade on, when my family moved to Woburn and we were the outsiders. My excessively frizzy hair has always been a target. I'm still the quiet kid in large group settings, but it was even worse when I was younger before I made myself join the drama club to break out of my shell.

I just noticed in her tag cloud thing the largest tag (which means the one she uses most often) is "bitching". This is promising.

And then in middle school I started building a shell, that has unfortunately caused a lot of emotional problems for me even into adulthood. I built myself up to be a "tough bitch." I'd snap back, I'd start snark and attacks first. I was so terrified of people being mad at me, I caused problems to bring things out to light so they couldn't sneak up and surprise me.

I'm sorry my delicate snowflake is expressing such self-destructive tendencies.
I'm sure is what she wants everyone to think.
The best part is I had a choice of about five blogs that read exactly like this. I just picked the one that was the best written and the least wordy.
I'll let that sink in for a moment.

By high school I went from being bullied to just being ignored. I became completely invisible. But at that point all the damage had been done. I was lonely, depressed, anxious, and suicidal because of bullying.

And you started writing fanfiction.
The true damage wrought by bullying.
So please, prevent fanfiction. Don't bully.

I may not be able to prevent my children from getting bullied, since they're likely to be huge nerds, and since Bill and I both credit martial arts with or discipline, we're hoping to put our kids in that as soon as they can, so hopefully they'll be respectful to their teachers.

I'm raising my kid to be an assassin.

Spent all day in bed with the flu. Not good when there is so much cleaning and organizing for me to do in the next two weeks. It's all happening pretty fast.

I did play the Me!Hawke for a little bit today, and it's really fun saying exactly what I would say.

"Hawke" after digging through my various reaction images to Dragon Age 2, is apparently the main character's last name in Dragon Age 2, so sort of like Mass Effect and "Shepard" that way you're allowed to give them a first name while the script can read their last name so they're not left with the uncomfortable voice acting option of skipping any time a name is read.
This apparently caused a lot of butthurt originally because--
uhh--
anyway Me!Hawke is an uncomfortable grammatic construct that says she's playing her character the way she would act in real life.
We call this "lazy roleplaying" where I'm from but whatever.
Of course in real life I'm guessing she'd run away terrified at the first sight of blood and you're frequently covered in gore in Dragon Age (because gore = grimdark according to Bioware's 13 year old writing staff).

Up to this point I've done characters that almost entirely one personality type and that's all they respond with, and then I've done Bill which has been mostly Snark/Aggressive and there was my first Hawke who was Snark/Diplomatic.

Then there's how I usually play characters in video games: violent/proactive.
No 10 minute diplomacy for me~

I'm primarily diplomatic with people I don't know, but really snarky with people I'm friendly with, if the friendship warrents it. Varric and Isabela? All holds off, flirting/joking every possible moment.

Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shut up.

Aveline is a little more stern, so I don't joke with her... often. Carver's a little shithead who I try to be nice to, and no matter how hard I try to get his friendship up, it barely budges and he whines so I want to knee him in the crotch.

I don't remember any characters from Dragon Age except Sten who seemed to hate his companions as much as I did so we were pretty bro.
I remember there was some slut with a French accent who was trying to jump my bones then another sorceress slut who vaguely looked like a man (who everyone loved for some reason I don't fully understand) who also wanted to ride my purple python. I think I banged the French slut (slim pickings, really) because I felt that would piss off the witch more than the French slut would be pissed off if I banged the sorceress.
I prefer The Witcher, incidentally.

Ending on a random note to my DA friends: if *you* were Hawke, which LI would you have the most attraction to and pursue? I'm curious because my current playthrough is Bill as Hawke, and next I thought it'd be fun to play me.

Bill is her boyfriend.
There's something very Freudian about creating your own boyfriend and controlling him in a video game where he has sex with women not you.
In fact some might call that downright creepy but I think it's just a criminal lack of imagination. This is a game where you can be anything from a dude with a sword to an elf with a bow-- wait.
No you're right. This game doesn't really give you many options.
At least, options that weren't around with THE LORD OF THE FUCKING RINGS.
Actually I think DA2 forces you to be human so you can be a dude with a sword or a dude who shoots magic out of his butthole.

I know I'd most likely be a Spirit Healer Mage, I just don't know if I'd romance Fenris or Anders. Bill thinks Anders, and I'm leaning a bit towards him too because of my own personal interest in revolutions, but guh, Fenris!

No idea what's going on.
Let's Google this.
Oh apparently they're both men.
You're made your own boyfriend in a video game where you're controlling him and having him engage in homosexual relationships--

It's funny how when all the world goes wrong for me, I got back to FF6. I was replaying DA2 for the 5th time, and was going to go through all the Final Fantasies start to finish, but I think I'm going to pop in my PS version of FFVI and play again.

>FF6
>PS version
ENJOY THOSE LOAD TIMES.

And right now I'm trying to challange myself by writing Sabin/Terra with a level of sexual tension between them, something I think I've never been able to tackle because I fell in love and started writing this couple before I was a teenager. (The fact I've been reading romance novels to see if I could write that genre maaaaaaay be influencing me... maybe.)

>FF6 fanfiction
Oooooooooh goodness.

I think I need a new scale. According to this one, I've gained nearly ten pounds in a week, when measuring at the same time of day. I, what? There's no way I've been consuming enough calories to have that much weight gain!

There's no way.
No really, I believe you. Why would I have reason to doubt you on this?

Yeah my metabolism has probably slowed down a little bit because I've cut the number of meals I eat a day by accident from this heat, and I haven't been walking because of the heat and humidity, but really, ten fucking pounds?

And I did eat an entire lunch buffet but really, ten fucking pounds?

Plus, it's depressing when I think I'm doing well with what I'm eating and the scale goes up that much. I think I have an overeating or addiction to food issue, but I don't have health insurance to be able to get medicine or therapy for it.

Awww, poor baby!
There's this wonderful new invention. In fact, your Dragon Age character has it as one of their stats: it's called willpower. Check into it sometime.

I just have no idea what to do. I feel like I could stop eating all together and I'd still be fucking gaining weight. I'm about to cut down to just fruits, veggies, hummus, and a little cheese. And I keep wanting to work out more, but since coming off of the antidepressants cold turkey, the fibromyalgia's been bothering me to the point I'm having trouble sleeping I'm in so much pain. There aren't enough words for my frustration.

Let's contrast this with her previous statement of "I have a shell built up so I don't have to interact with people and I'm basically a turbo bitch."
I'm really seeing that in effect right now.

Yeah, that's Isabela jacking my F!Hawke/Sebastian fanfic and making sure it becomes a f!Hawke/Sebastian AND Isabela/Fenris fanfic. (And I can't help it because pregnant!Isabela is giving me great, great joy. Especially when she's pissy Varric won't buy her a drink.)

Pregnant-- fanfiction--
I don't think I need to say anything more about this, really.
Pregnant fanfiction.
You know what isn't fair? Sigmund Freud died before someone even conceived of the internet. How many hours-- no, days-- did he spend unlocking this fucked up shit? All he'd have to do now is sit on Livejournal for five minutes.

So what was going to be a smut fic is now becoming a double smut fic. I hope it goes over well.

Maybe it's best he didn't encounter fanfiction, though. I can see where this might become overwhelming. He might have given up. Who could blame him for that?
SHIT'S FUCKED.

Oh my God! Downloaded the Legacy DLC for Dragon Age 2 tonight and finished it tonight. AWESOME. If anyone's on the fence about buying it DO IT YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

The two times I bought DLC the word "regret" was probably foremost in my mind.
INSTEAD OF RELEASING A FULL GAME, LET'S RELEASE 75% OF A GAME AND CHARGE MORE FOR THAT 25% OF CONTENT THAT'S STILL ON THE DISC!
THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN EXPANSIONS!
"It is AWESOME!" responds the internet.
Fuck the police.
Oh God her LJ avatar is a character from Final Fantasy Tactics.
Whatever happens from here on in I promise not to get angry.

Tonight I had a very unhappy moment. I got on the scale and am now the heaviest I've ever been, which okay, what the hell, I'll share. Pretty much everyone who reads is female and can likely understand or at least appreciate how frustrating it is. I'm about 195, meaning I've gaine about 15 pounds just this year. Yuck, how the hell did that happen??

MCDONALD'S IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD--

I know I'm fighting genetics. My mother has always been a large woman, and she looks heavy, but she doesn't look obnoxiously obese even though her BMI classifies her as that. She's just a full-figured, large boned woman.

AND THE MCDONALD'S TASTES SO GOOD WHEN IT HITS YOUR MOUTH--
A slave rolls over and accepts the easy excuse of fate.
A man accepts that which the very stars themselves proscribe.

So ideally I'm looking to lose about 70-75 pounds. Though, to be honest, I'll be thrilled over losing 50, and very pleased if I manage to lose anything at all. The biggest hurdle I have to overcome is that I don't know how to eat healthy.

Okay here's a simple solution: whatever you are eating, eat a quarter of it.

Day 03 – Your favourite Final Fantasy theme/song.

This is hard. Unbelievable difficult.

Delita's Theme from Final Fantasy Tactics.
If you didn't pick that you don't know shit about anything.

Final Fantasy music over the years as done everything from motivating me during a workout, to calming me after a bad day, to being the inspiration for a scene and making me write it. I could do a 30 day meme on ust my favorite music from Final Fantasy. Eyes on Me was one of my favorite,

Somehow I'm not surprised the pop abortion from Final Fantasy VIII is your favorite.
Remember like a year ago when I said only girls like Final Fantasy VIII?
Yep.
All too true.
Oh God all her favorites are from Final Fantasy XIII. It's like she's doing everything in her power to make me angry.
Ohhhh fuck.
Well I think I'm going to go because from here on out it's incessant whining and I'm starting to get a headache.

Haah Waaw

First:
Now that that bit of merriment is out of the way, let's get to today's subject.
Oh yeah, Fierce Fatties. Do you feel that shiver down your spine? That is anticipation.
Oh, you know, we're just a bunch of bitches from hell and we speak our mind. Think we're ugly? Well you're just not strong enough to handle beautiful curves.
We won't censor you because we're freethinking, liberal ladies. Unless you disagree with us, then expect your post to be deleted.
Classy, ladies.

Hey guys… as many of you may or may not know, I am practically married to an amazing man who has changed my life forever. When he found out it was my week to write he asked if he could do it, he had a post knocking around in his head and had to share. So, without further ado here is my beloved BeOhBe with his rant on fat men and employment.

I WAS PROMISED A BLOG ABOUT FAT WOMEN AND THE VERY SECOND ENTRY (after the one whining about 4chan that I omitted) IS A POST BY A MAN.

I don’t blame that job loss on my being heavy. I don’t have any reason, really, to believe that to be the case, but it really started me thinking about the jobs that are and aren’t available for a guy my size. I spent ten years in a Fortune 50 company, mostly in technical roles, and, apparently, IT is full of guys like me.

So there you have it. Job loss is minutia in relation to being fat.
Are we just looking for an excuse to be butthurt (yes)?
Am I the only person who doesn't look for an excuse to whine?

It’s up to you to avoid those comedians who cross your line and sully topics you hold sacred, including fat jokes.

Patton Oswalt has an awesome bit about fat people.
Just thought I'd share.

I don’t believe in censorship (unless you’re an unrepentant asshole, in which case, I have no problem) because there is no end to the amount of offense people are capable of experiencing.

>I don't believe in censorship
>UNLESS--
God that is the best word in the English language. It's like magic. You can say you believe in something when in fact you're in the exact opposite camp because you qualified it a little bit.
You know what I believe should be censored?
NOTHING.
That's how actual proponents of no censorship think. There can be no exceptions. If you personally disagree with something then you, too, are free to voice your disagreement and evolution will take over. The strong message will endure and the weak will fade into obscurity.

Of course, I’m all for putting pressure on artists and entertainers who “cross the line,” but I am against any particular group or groups drawing that line and saying, “This far and no further.”

Cross the line according to who? You? The government? Which government? Outside of the people agreeing to let the government dictate these things, what authority is the government?

Since I was in third grade, I’ve wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Teacher, at the time, seemed like an easy profession, but as I got older, I realized how complicated my career of choice was going to be.

BUREAUCRACY MAKES WHAT SHOULD BE A SIMPLE TASK A DAILY HERCULEAN EFFORT.

Especially when it comes to body positivity and what society calls “health.”

>Body positivity
So I'm starting to fall into the Iron Hands camp of "body positivity": their motto is "THE FLESH IS WEAK."

Soon, I will be mentoring “at risk” kindergarten and first grade students. I had to fill out a questionnaire which asked a number of questions about my skills. One question was “Are you able to mentor children on the subject of personal health? (Hygiene, nutrition, weight management, etc.)” and I thought about this for a long while. Honestly? No. I am not able to mentor children on the subject of health. Why? Because I’m not going to say what they want me to say. I’m going to suggest what I think is healthiest.

And now we enter this same issue I've been pressing. What do you know? "Suggest what you think is healthiest"? How do you know you're right?

I’m going to share my own experience (in a way a child can understand, of course).

I’m worried, though. How do I help instill body positivity in a young child? How do I teach it in a classroom? I guess it’s a learning process for me, too.

Any suggestions?

Yeah, I have a suggestion: teach them to read before they get to 9th grade and I have to deal with them, please.

Our comment policy isn’t posted or anything, but we do have one. It’s called the Asshole Rule and it’s fairly simple. If five people tag your comment as you being asshole, then I delete it. If this happens to three of your comments, then you’re banned from commenting entirely.

:3
Is this automatic? If so I could easily form a pretty powerful inquisitorial council where we just agree to burn the witch and report until they're banned. For someone so against censorship you sure do resort to some pretty byzantine measures to see only your message endures.

As fat activists, we have our work cut out for us. We literally have to fight for every advance we make. We have to fight for the right to be seen in public without being abused, to have clothing and medical equipment that accomodate us, and for countless other perks that some of our thinner counterparts take for granted.

>clothing that accommodates us
I can't find pants that fit me because I'm too skinny now and everyone is an out-of-control pig. Please, do continue.

Usually, when we think of fighting, we think of concrete actions such as protesting, writing letters, or shopping ethically.

Actually when I think of fighting I pretty much specifically think of this.

I work in a predominantly female office environment, so as you can imagine, the diet talk is nonstop.

Ha, ha, bet not much gets done there, am I right guys?

Whenever a group of people gang up on you to lecture you or ask if you’re really going to eat that, be blunt. Say yes and eat. Don’t hide.

Punch them in the face like Bruce Lee.

Fat acceptance has many facets. There’s Fatshion, HAES, conferences, studies, books…all sorts of ways to inform and educate yourself.

Hagen Daas is another form of fat activism.

Tthere are tons of super-articulate, amazing bloggers fighting the good fight out there, putting up with the trolls and the neigh-sayers, being “out” as fat, as it were.

>being "out" as fat
It's not like being gay. You can tell a fat person when you see them. That'd be like being "out" as a black person. You can kind of tell.

I know I really enjoyed blogging over at Fat-n-Sassy…until the trolls came and started arguing with me.

Giving me future targets, pretty much. This blog is an ally.

I watch a lot of A&E, (take from that what you will) so I got an eyeful of previews for their new show called “Heavy.”

It's about a class of tanks.

Maybe you have heard of it, but in case you haven’t, it follows two extreme deathfats through a weight loss program.

It follows an M4 Sherman and a Type 97 Shinhoto Chi-Ha. Bold move to follow the oft-unmentioned Japanese tanks.
Personally I'm rooting for the M4 Sherman but I am a bit biased when it comes to WW2.

The cons, however, outweigh the pros, which is to be expected in a program like this.

The fatal flaw of this, and most other programs similar in nature, is the reliance on cliches. The most extreme examples of obesity, health impairment, and limited mobility are paraded around to represent obesity as experienced by the typical American.

Oh right, the blog. Enough of my fictional television shows.
I have been stuck behind a huge pig in Target many times. Mobility is a problem for fat people, yes.

Serious trigger warning: The following post is about anorexia, thinspiration and suicide.

k
I've reviewed quite a few anorexic blogs and fat blogs so I'm very happy I'm getting this cross coverage.

How many times have you read, heard or been told that Fat Acceptance is enabling fatties to make horrible health choices?

You're free to eat whatever the fuck you want. Who the shit cares what you stuff into your fat, ugly face? You'll never be a DBG or DYG so you might as well live it up. I think you've made a critical mistake in assuming people care. Just don't complain to me when you have to buy five seats on a plane because your ass is 50 feet wide.
Take up more space, expect to pay more for services. Welcome. Welcome to humanity.

And yet, we never hear about how the wider culture, the popular culture, is doing a much, MUCH better job at encouraging reckless lifestyle choices and hastening our deaths.

People need more shame in their lives.
It's what keeps you normal.

Sometimes it’s really interesting to see the different ways that ideas are conveyed and how ironically a spin-off can vary from the original. Take Marilyn Wann’s Yay! Scale: it’s a product that, instead of giving you a number when you step on it, compliments you instead. It’s a great idea and I wish I had one.

Oh God, really?
The hugbox has really been invented.

Obviously there’s a big problem here. First of all, this is, of course, focused on women. Our only job in this world is to be thin and beautiful. If you’re not doing that, there’s something WRONG WITH YOU.

Lose all the weight you want, it'll never fix the unfortunate arrangement of your facial features.

Secondly, the big emotional rewards that come from losing weight are things like compliments from friends and family who now — what? — love you more because you’re thin? Being eyed-up by strangers at the bar/on the bus/walking down the street/at work/at school because you’re more fuckable?

WHOAAA, SOMEONE'S JEALOUS.

Personally, I think anything that gets women out of the “lose weight, feel great!” mentality is a GOOD THING.

GOOD THING.
CAPS FOR EMPHASIS.

I’m hoping I made a difference. However, the thing that kept coming up was the idea that losing weight would improve people’s health.

Well there are still legions of DBG and DYG out there.
Looks like the ol' American woman (MAMA LET ME BE) is a lost cause.

I have a serious issue with food policing because there is a shitload to hate about it: self-righteous lectures, healthist boasting, unwelcome interventions, guru obsession.

>Healthist
and other invented words.

I keep seeing references to fat women that are meant to be positive, calling us “real women”: plus-sized clothing stores who advertise that their clothes are for “real women”; calling thin women “anorexic” or “twigs” and suggesting that they “need to eat a sandwich”; shirts that say “real women have curves”; men who find fat women attractive saying that they like a woman who “looks like a woman.”

Yeah, those people slay me.
"IF I WANTED TO FUCK A 9 YEAR OLD BOY I'D FUCK A 9 YEAR OLD BOY."
I don't know what kind of women you idiots have been looking at but you can have less than massive deposits of fat in your gross, sweaty floppy tits and still be built like a woman, I mean Christ all mighty.

I would love to have more fat positive t-shirts, but they all seem to be saying something nasty about thin women.

Proving your entire "movement" stems on jealousy so you try to establish yourself as somehow equal to thin women as if this is some sort of binary comparison to make.

Or the phrase “curves in all the right places,” which seems to mean fat is cool if you mean a small waist and huge boobs and ass.

"Curves in the right place" do not exist. You either look attractive or you do not.
There is a range of acceptable deviation but once your SD starts to approach a certain number your odds aren't looking good.

I personally know a woman who was ridiculed in a belly dance class by a plus-sized instructor who told her, “Dearie, this class is belly dance for women, so if you look like a boy and you don’t have a belly, this probably isn’t the class for you.”

Haah waaw

I love the old line “You’re just choosing/making excuses to be fat!”

Oh, which excuse will she deploy to counter this? Metabolism? "I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ON THE HEAVY SIDE"?

Frankly, who in their right mind would choose to be fat in our culture?

:|
self-control is hard, eating McDonald's 3 meals a day is so tasty-- not much of a choice to make for most people.

To me, making excuses is about placing the blame on someone else for your own faults, or at least minimizing your culpability. But fatness isn’t a fault, we really AREN’T culpable, and we aren’t blaming anyone for anything.

It can also be dodging blame like you're doing now.
You made a choice, just own up to it. I'm not saying you're wrong for making the choice but you are for being COWARDLY about it.

Furthermore, why aren’t people ever accused of making excuses to be anti-fat? After all, they just don’t want to accept that they labored for nothing/

>staying skinny
>labor
Really it's continually making right choices than actual work but you wouldn't know that having just eaten your way through an entire Arby's.

Ahem, allow me to get my geek on here a bit. For Christmas we were unexpectedly gifted with a Wii. We promptly borrowed Mario Kart from my brother-in-law and have been having a hoot with it ever since. Normally I’m not a big Mario fan (though I am a HUGE Nintendo freak

How can you not be a huge Mario fan?
Whatever--

my main love being Samus Aran from the Metroid series),

That's kind of funny considering she's ridiculously attractive, athletic and blonde. She was also created by a man, so isn't that PERPETUATING STEREOTYPES OF WOMEN THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE STANDING FOR?
She's also a ruthless bounty hunter who commits genocide at least twice that I know of. She'd make Space Marines proud, despite being raised by FILTHY XENOS.

My first game system was the SNES and it came with Super Mario World. It didn’t seem odd to me in the slightest that the protagonist was a short, fat man.

You do realize they made him portly so he'd appear as a more solid target on the screen?
The only reason he has a mustache is to establish the fact he has a face?
I'm serious when I say character design decisions back then were made out of necessity more than anything and often anything complex we now take for granted simply was not technologically feasible at the time.

His fat is never an issue: Peach never asks him to lose weight, Luigi never pokes fun at him.

Someone never played Mario RPG or Paper Mario.
Anyway I think this post has dragged on long enough and I didn't even get to the posts I wanted to talk about, good grief.
TIME FOR A TWO-PARTER OH NO~

Oh wait, what?

Forgot to post Monday. Well, I didn't "forget" I was just busy with other shit and then in my down time I was playing FFXIV. I had a meeting with some people in a closet where they talked about me like I wasn't there and then I had to go to class. Then today I had to sit in high school remedial English.
Yeah my life has been a bit strange lately. Anyway I'm sure you're not here to listen to me drone on about boring shit like how idiots don't know what a comma is: you're here to listen to me blather on about how idiots don't know what a comma is on the internet.
Here we have Faithful_Summer (hurrrrr) and I can discern from what I've read of her post (critical analysis yo) that she's a hipster bitch.

Based on the books on your bookshelf, what conclusions would people draw about you?

He was probably born sometime around the year 1450. He owns more than three books with a Maltese cross emblazoned on the side or front so he's probably some sort of Nazi.
No you plebs the Maltese cross is different than the Iron cross. I keep telling you this shit.
Here, compare:
Iron cross
Maltese cross
See? Completely different. Could not be more dissimilar-- all right they're virtually identical.

I like teen fiction, vampires, scifi and classic Lit.

Ever notice that when talking to girls? They'll ask some bullshit leading question that I'm not going to answer because you'll think I'm weird so I just reroute it back at you and your response to "what kind of books do you like?" is "I LIKE ALL BOOKS." HURRR THEN YOU WON'T MIND ME TALKING ABOUT DANTE'S INFERNO FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. "Tee-hee I don't know what that is!" HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU LIKE ALL BOOKS IF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN READ THE INFERNO GOD YOU SUCK.
Or, even better: "what kind of music do you like?"
"I like all music!"
"Oh yeah? Like Pink Floyd?"
"No."
"Dire Straits?"
"No."
"Otis Redding?"
"No."
THE FUCK ARE YOU LISTENING TO THEN?
This is why I don't talk to people. You trying to be cute and agreeable is very disagreeable to me.
Oh but I'm sure if I had trotted PITBOOOOOOOOOOOOL out she'd have been all over that. Goddamn, you don't have to listen to every shitty song popular radio feeds you. You're allowed to form your own opinion.

My doc is out of town and this certainly doesn't seem like anything I need to rush to get checked out, but it sure is annoying. Since the last weekend of our vacation (starting Sat., Aug. 28th), I have had this bad smell/taste lingering and popping up at the most random times.

Sinus infection shut up it'll go away on its own you don't need to be on everything for every little sniffle you have.
That reminds me of what we were covering today in honors English: run-on sentences. I use run-ons strategically for momentum. Don't cover that shit in 9th grade English. Gotta learn on your own, kids, or they'll ruin you forever.

No one else smells it.

No they wouldn't. That's because your nose is rotting.
Now here's a three paragraph essay about a pair of shoes I'm not reading.

I've been home for less than 5 hours. My feet are swelling back up and fast.

EDEMA. Be less of a hambeast~

I'm going to see my doc next week after he gets back from vacation, but I'm honestly getting kind of freaked out. Should I be heading to the ER?

I'm sensing a theme.

What is your favorite weird food combination?

I don't eat weird food combinations There's this thing called "taste coherency" and I think I made the term up but just because shit tastes good does not mean it'll taste good together.

When I was in highschool, we used to eat vanilla ice cream on Doritos.

See this is exactly what I mean.
Oh here's this old gem from a few weeks ago:

Do you think a marriage license should have a renewal or expiration date, just like a driver's license?

and her response is equally brilliant:

Sorry, this seems like a dumb question to me. It's not like you have to take a test to get a marriage license. And once you're married, it's not like your marriage can expire (and they sure shouldn't change it to be that way b/c then people like Zac would continually forget to renew it and things would be chaotic). So why on earth should you need to renew your marriage license?

NO STUPID THE QUESTION WASN'T WHETHER OR NOT THEY DO EXPIRE IT'S WHETHER OR NOT YOU THINK THEY SHOULD EXPIRE.
Now she's talking about a nose piercing and quite frankly

I need to know everything you know about Parathyroid issues.

All right here we go.

My back is in bad shape. Has been for ages. I'm sure at least 50% of it has to do with my weight.

Where's my picture of Groucho Marx making a troll face?
It's somewhere--
Ah fuck it.
Now here's 5000000 posts that compromise her Twitter posts. So I'm reading Twatter on Livejournal. I wish there was a single word for the feeling you get right before you cock the trigger and blow your brains out, because I'd be using it right now.
I know, I'll coin the phrase: Faithful_Summering.

How is it that until just recently, I had never heard of the terms "fluid" or "pan-sexual"?

You never heard the term "fluid"? Like a liquid? "Pansexual" is an okay term to have never heard because they made that the fuck up but fluid, really?
What scientific or medical breakthrough do you most want to happen in your lifetime?
Bionics. If you say anything else you're provably stupid.

Easy. A cure for cancer.

PICK BIONICS. STOMACH CANCER? BOOM, BIONIC STOMACH. Also known as "biomechatronics" if you're a fan of words that are impossible to pronounce.
Stem cell research is so nearsighted. So, what, you grow a replacement organ WITH ALL THE SAME FLAWS AS THE HUMAN ONE THAT FAILED.
No, you need enhanced organs.

My ideas are ranging anywhere from Greece/Santorini to Holocaust sites.

I could go to the CRADLE OF ALL WESTERN CULTURE or where some atrocious shit happened. WHAT A DECISION.

I spilled a soda on my phone. Now it is dead. At least, it seems that way. Currently letting it dry out to see if that changes anything. *cries*

You spilled a liquid on your phone, then to see if it was ruined you turned it on? Well guess what ruined your phone, dumbass. Here's a brotip: submerging something electronic doesn't ruin it automatically. Gotta have some sort of current in there.

Way to go, Va. Epic fail.

EPIC FAIL GUYS XD
EPIC FOR THE WIN
Oh right, this. I ended up doing my rank 10 Guildleves in FFXIV instead.
Anyway entry over because I don't feel like reading posts about Obama from 2 years ago.

Rev your engines

FANFICTION. Can't you idiots just be a fan of something without "joining the fandom"? What a dumbass concept. "It's not enough to just like something, you have to join creepy internet communities and make an ass of yourself to show you really like something."
No, of course not. Here we are.

So I'm sitting here MSUing...what exactly is MSU? It stands for Making Shit Up. It's a term created by my work only "they" use the G version.

"they" use the G version. What--

What am I MSUing? I'm sitting here pondering what my friends on here actually look like. I've been corresponding with a few people for a year now. Shit, has it been that long? Anyhew,

>anyhew
Wow we need to talk.

So I thought I'd share with you my everlasting love for Fringe.

Here's me giving a fuck.
What's going on with FFXIV?
No patch today, huh.

So I've found out I have a freaking food allergy.

How bizarre is that?

That is so bizarre! Who has food allergies? No one but you, that's who!

I've never been allergic to ANYTHING besides dust, grass, mold. You know the usuals. I've never been allergic to FOOD.

"I mean I've eaten my way through several buffet-style lunches before, so you'd think if I had a food allergy I would have learned about it before now."

Apparently I have some sort of wheat allergy.

Oh. They call that Celiac Disease (or Coeliac Disease if you're British. And stupid). I don't think this is nearly as common as people would have you believe. I mean grains make up a pretty huge part of the diet and you'd think anyone with a serious allergy to gluten (what you're actually allergic to in wheat) would have been bred out of our glorious species before now.
I mean it's strange, isn't it? You never see Asian people with Celiac and they'd logically be the ones most likely to have it because gluten isn't present in rice and that's their primary grain crop.

The reason I found this out was while on vacation I cut out pretty much all wheat products and my severe heartburn and I mean SEVERE (Zantac wouldn't touch it) went away and I felt clear headed and was able to sleep through the night.

Scientific.
How do you know your heartburn was diet related and not, say, stress related?
How do you know your vacation in general didn't fix the problem?

Two nights ago I made a HUGE mistake. I had a Blue Moon beer. How was I to know it was a Wietbier made from fermented wheat?!?!?!

Considering most beer is fermented barley (which also has gluten) beer is pretty much out of your diet in general, what?
Oh I guess she only claims to be allergic to wheat.
Yeah, you know, all the hypo-allergens in wheat certainly can catch up to you.
Goddamn people who post on Livejournal are mentally ill.

Hey everyone! *waves*

How is your Sunday treating you?

Just shut up and do your post.

I can't believe what a doofus I am. I decided last night to post a personal ad on Craigslist. Now I remember exactly why I don't post ads on Craigslist.

I've actually debated doing a Craigslist post on Edie Finds a Corpse. It is pretty entertaining.

It causes weirdoes to come out of the woodwork.

Weirdos, on the internet?
Let me adjust my sarcastic shocked face.
:V

There's always that ONE guy that feels the need to critique your ad and point out the flaws as if being sardonic and mean is the way to a woman's heart.

Well it has been proven in two entire studies that men who don't look at the camera get more responses than men who do when taking a picture for their dating profile, so I can kind of see where he was headed with that.

Really asshole? Might I quoth "Goodfellas" when I say "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

All right when you try to sound smart by saying "quoth" and then you use it incorrectly you just look like an idiot. "Quoth" is past tense. It's the same as saying "quoted".
That's why The Raven is written in past tense?
Fuck.

Next is the guy who likes hitting on younger women.

How strange.

Did I mention he's 56 and I'm in my 30's?

Okay you're in your 30s making Craigslist ads. You are clearly no prize, let's just be honest with ourselves.

So I'm sitting here weeding through replies and some actually sound normal. I'll see. Last time I did this I ended up going out on three dates with a closet Nazi.

Three dates so at least he was a charming Nazi.

When life get's me down I tend to turn to comedies for relief.

Especially anything that makes me laugh.

As opposed to all the comedies that don't make you laugh, what? Well I guess there are a lot of unfunny comedies but why would you even mention those?

Shit!

Fuck!

Son of a Bitch!

FFXIV just went down?

I've fallen into yet another FANDOM!!

Christ Almighty...

Say, aren't you a little too old to be doing this kind of thing?
Now here she's having a "Midlife crisis" which let's just suppose when she says she's "in her 30's (apostrophes don't work that way)" she means she's 39, because that's the only way she's technically in the middle of her life, although of course for most people that's something that happens in your 40s, but whatever.
Maybe she's like Dante and going by the Biblical midlife in which case she's exactly 30.

I finally figured it out what I want to be when I grow up.

I want to be a Human Rights Activist.

You're someone who has admitted to several thousand dollars in credit card debt and you're trapped in a dead-end job you hate with no relationships with other people. I think you've grown up.
But, hey, at least you're not in a self-imposed exile to the Dark Land, huh?

I'm pretty much obsessed with World War II. Specifically Easy Company and the 101st Airborne.

You know, like what all them TV shows and video games focus on.
Oh yeah, I see what you did there.
Here's how she describes her "sense of humor" in six words (I don't need that many words: you have no humor)

Dry, crude, intelligent, dark, easily amused.

>crude
>intelligent
Do these go together?
Anyway I think I'm going to go do something with my life because what follows is FANFIC FANFIC FANFIC LOL xD

IT'S LIKE THE MISTS OF TIME ARE RETREATING FROM MY SIGHT

WHEN MY FLESH IS BUT DUST IN THE SOIL AND MY BONES ARE BUT LOAM MY SPIRIT WILL RETURN TO THE COSMOS--
Oh right, hi. I beat the odds. I got into the FFXIV beta so that's why my entry is a little late. It was an epic struggle (literally. I don't mean "lol epic xD" I mean this story is literally worthy of song) but what can I say? It was an easy matter for one of my skill. Basically it involved paying seven bucks for a chance (a chance, mind, but when my chance is 100% I'll take it) and waiting. I waited for two days, basically.
Then when the flood gates opened I was one of probably less than 50 people out of thousands to EMERGE VICTORIOUS.
Anyway here we have someone who claims their skills are great but they are clearly mistaken. I found this blog on Fatshionita (see what they did there). Fat girls into fashion, heh.

So I was mildly bored by last night's True Blood, even though tons of important stuff was happening, and then suddenly came the last five minutes when Russell Edgington abruptly became the awesomest thing in the history of television and totally pwned everything that has ever existed.

I'd get on your shit about "awesomest" and "pwned" but let me tell you what isn't boring: FFXIV. Everything that abortion of an entry XIII should have been and more and it isn't even out yet.

He's about to come pick me up and we're gonna go through the Starbucks drive-through.

It bears mentioning that Starbucks uses real cream in their coffee. Just a thought for why you weigh 500 pounds. Also the smithing mini game in FFXIV makes absolutely no fucking sense. I don't get this.

I am going to once attempt to listen to an audiobook while I make the eight-hour drive home to Janesville.

I wish Lance Henriksen would record an audio book. Tell me he couldn't make even Stephen King listenable. Him or Mickey Rourke, hmm.

It is so beautiful outside that it is almost physically painful for me to be sitting here in my windowless office. It is 75 degrees with a clear blue cloudless sky and a light breeze. It's making me ache.

Hmm that must be really tough. I'm guessing the reason you're in pain is because you are 300 pounds overweight and your heart doesn't have any room to beat anymore.
What do you think, should I level lancer or marauder next? Lancer looks promising.

We often say that everyone's good at something. Everyone has a skill set. Generally when we say that, we're talking about the Big Skills.

My craft is mental illness. Who else could sit there for 5 hours doing nothing but refreshing Twitter? Never again, incidentally. If I see that dumb fucking Twitter icon again in my life it'll be too soon.
Then I unraveled the secret: just camp their forums and when the admin posts click the "claim beta code" button over and over and don't give a single fuck about loading times and all that shit.

I'm good at ironing.

Yeah. I know. Ironing? It's true.

IRONING? BUT ONLY ONE PERSON HAS EVER BEEN GOOD AT THAT SKILL-- Jeeesus Christ.

Saturday afternoon I went in search of a tank top and some jewelry to wear with a new dress. Then I had a massage.

Massaging fat deposits.

someone's mom had made all this super awesome vegan food including dairy-free ice cream in flavors like wasabi and peppercorn basil

wasabi ice cream. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Okay, guys. I need the wisdom of the flist! I need some new tunes for the exercise playlist.

I don't know, somehow exercising after eating gallons of wasabi flavored ice cream hardly seems like a reasonable solution to losing weight.

So since I am clueless, I must come to you to find out what have been the big popular club/dance hits this summer? I've already got that Flo Ride "The Club Can't Handle Me" song. Lately I've been listening to Taio Cruz's "Break Your Heart" a lot.

I hear all you kids like Kajagoogoo's "Too Shy" or perhaps Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round". Those are popular in the dance clubs with you kids, right?

What songs should I be dling for the Pod?

ETA: I wrote this two hours ago and then went off to do other things.

Billie Jean is another good choice. Or how about Def Leppard's Armageddon It? That was a big hit on this blog last entry.

I'm about to go all science geeky on yo ass. Be warned.

There are a number of concepts in chemistry which are super useful shorthand for regular life.

Oh yeah? Chemistry is useful in every day life? How so, Bill Nye?

The first is activation energy. Basically this is the energy barrier you must overcome to do a chemical reaction. The driving force behind pretty much everything in the universe is that Low Energy Is Better And More Stable, as anyone who's ever spent a Saturday afternoon on a couch can tell you. So you've got some starting materials, happy and content and stable and relatively low energy.

BORING LET'S SET OFF A VOLCANO INSTEAD. Baking soda + vinegar =
See it's the same principle only a lot more interesting than you being boring for ten paragraphs about shit I learned in high school.

You'll all be SO relieved to know that my second attempt at styling my hair as well as my hairdresser does was much more successful.

I know it's impossible to hear sarcasm over the internet but I'm just going to pretend you're being sarcastic.

I'm sure you've been on the edge of your seats, dying to know what's going on with my hair.

Probably sarcasm.

Yesterday while I was driving to work, I saw a large rectangular bumper sticker on the car ahead of me. It had a picture on it of a smiling, handsome young man. Then I got close enough to read it. It said "17-year-old Jordan saved the lives of four people by being an organ donor" and then went on to urge me to be an organ donor, too (I already am).

I saw a bumper sticker recently: "Jesus saves". The funny thing was the car was on the side of the road with the front all caved in from the truck that had just hammered it. I guess Jesus doesn't save from on head collisions.

Now, I'm no marketing genius. But if I'd been designing that sticker, I'm not sure if that's the way I would have gone. Because all I could think about then was that smiling, handsome young Jordan in the photo had suffered some untimely, tragic accident likely involving brain injury, had his organs harvested and is now dead, dead, dead.

My bumper sticker would have been going on about JORDAN'S HEROIC SACRIFICE and how WE SHOULD ALL STRIVE TO EMULATE HIS EXAMPLE. Mine would be way more effective.

So I am chilling at home tonight. I'm cooking dinner for the peeps tomorrow so I picked some recipes and went to Whole Foods for groceries. Lots of produce and vegetables. Spur of the moment bottle of wine from a local winery that looked yummy.

There's something about the word "yummy" that brings my piss to a boil. Have I ever told you about the worst show on television, incidentally? It's called "Yummy Mummy" and I'd rather watch an infant being strangled to death than Yummy Mummy. It's all about how these cunts are going to not watch the kids they squirted out and sit around in a cafe and drink Keystone Light. Whenever I see it I have to stop doing whatever I'm doing because I need my whole body to hate these people.

Have you ever seen purple sausage? You have now!

I sure have. I think I'd throw that away if I were you.

This is the Ginger Blueberry chicken sausage I bought last weekend at the farmer's market.

Ginger
blueberry
chicken
sausage.
Not everything is like peanut butter and chocolate, people. You can't just stack things that taste good and expect to have a coherent taste.
I'm not even being some pro gourmand here, either. One of my favorite foods is chicken nuggets from Wendy's.

Okay, geeks, nerds, fangirls, fanboys, and geek-adjacent folk of every variety. I have a topic. More like a hypothesis based on observation.

Oh hey, don't give a shit.

In any canon which has a definite central character, that character is the one that gets the least love from the fandom.

I said I don't give a shit, why are you still blabbing at me?

Luke Skywalker? Don't think so.

I'd argue Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader) is the actual main character of the Star Wars canon even though Luke was the main character of the good movies (the older three).

So, what do you think? Have you seen this phenomenon in YOUR fandoms?

I don't have any "fandoms". Anything I like that other people happen to like I try to keep away from those people as much as possible.

It really is fantastic. It's just so...Holmes. It's porn for Holmes enthusiasts, the way the classic Holmes tropes have been updated and reimagined. Holmes performs the same deductions on Watson when they first meet as he did in the books, except instead of a pocket watch, he deduces Watson's family problems from his phone. Instead of monographs, Holmes has a website. Instead of chronicling his adventures with Holmes in diaries, Watson keeps a blog.

That sounds awful. I can't even begin to imagine watching this horseshit. What, so bankrupt for ideas whoever made this you're just going to take all of the creative bits and just say "OH LOOK, WATSON HAS AN iPAD NOW!" and people like this? I can't say I'm surprised, actually. People are pretty stupid and will watch anything with Apple products in it.

He wears nicotine patches instead of smoking a pipe and there are references to him being an addict in recovery.

Oh get it because Holmes was an opium fiend in the books.
Wow.
Well anyway I have to go on my own Sherlock Holmes mystery in FFXIV. Only unlike Holmes I like to have a back up plan. Gotta get my gat.

日本に行きましょうか

"Learning a new language can be difficult. This active community offers friendly advice and support for those looking to improve their Nihongo," says the community "Japanese". Yeah, I got a tip for you: study a lot, asshole. (translator's note: "nihongo" means "Japanese language" in Japanese)
Thanks to this excellent community filled with fascinating people I managed to find this blog.
I'm in for it now.

For those of you who don't watch unholy amounts of anime speak Japanese, my entry title means "I'm saved!" and I really am.

:|

I just found out that I owe my school $2300. I don't have that money. At all.

Yeah amazing how prompt and clear schools are when it comes to money but how secretive and unclear they are when it comes to "can I take these classes at the same time?" STILL WAITING TO HEAR BACK, SPEAKING OF. How utterly arbitrary this entire thing is. CAN'T TAKE THESE TWO CLASSES AT ONCE, HURRR.
Why not? BECAUSE PREREQUISITES. But why is one a prerequisite to the other? They're the same class, practically.
IT'S A PREREQUISITE.
Fuuuuuuck me for asking.

Yesterday, I had math class in the morning. I've had this class for the last 3-4 weeks and my teacher was unexpectedly caucasian when I expected someone asian.

Because Asians are good at math I guess. White people never are good at math except a lot of the theories are named after the white guys that discovered them.
Wait--

Anyways, I want to watch episodes 2 and 3, which I hear are out, but YouTube is CRIMPING MAH STYLE!

What the fuck, man?

Usually, the fact the the future is a big fat question mark, that I, and the world as a whole, can go any of 20 directions I can think of and another 40 million I -can't- think of, scares me. Well, to be more accurate, it scares the shit out of me so badly that it frequently leaves me cowering in a metaphorical corner, tearing my hair out with terror.

Yeah I know what you mean.
(man who has been quoted saying "the future is trivia" and "the future is immaterial")

But this isn't about that.

Hey, yeah, speaking of something irrelevant.

This is about that one-in-a-million time when that big question mark delights me to the point of bouncing in place and squealing.

Wow you're really annoying. Oh, dare I click on the link that says "squealing" so I can read more of this wonderful post? A lesser man might recoil in horror but I am trained for this kind of situation. I'm going to do some editing here because quite frankly who gives a shit:

Today, my school did one of its many cheesy little events, but since I'm here and they offer free food, I decided to stop by. It's a diversity fair, but not about what you'd think it'd be about. Because this was about AGE diversity--how awesome is that?!

Not really.

Anyway, people were divided by when they were born, from as far back as WWI, WWII and the Depression, all the way up to 2000 and they fell into four overall groups: Veterans, Baby Boomers, Generation X and Generation Y.

So cool people, assholes who ruined the world, faggots and pussies respectively.
Fantastic.

They had little sheet thingers detailing general personality traits for each generation

Wait let me visually represent this. So in order from veteran to "Gen-Y" (my generation is so uncreative we can't even come up with our own name):Wooooooooooow, it's fucking nothing!

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, YET!! NOONE DOES!!

Peter Noone guide us.

How exciting is that? Our future is wide open.

Dark age up and coming, calling it now.

In the next 20 years, the whole world is going to learn how this generation of globally-conscious, hyper-connected, instantly-gratified people make decisions, how we lead, how we inspire the people who follow us.

The age of Twatter, Livejournal and DeviantArt. Glad to be here.

I thought about it, then realized that I first met a computer when I was 10, in 1999, and I first got to know one when I was 12, in 2001, so I believe that factlet.

First memory of a computer: playing Wishbone's "The Odyssey" on my Acer. Fuck yeah I just played that game recently, even.
Beat it in like 15 minutes because I've practically memorized The Odyssey in the interim 11 years, too.

It is possible to find God without finding a church.

Let me tell you about a really cool god, kids: his name is Zeus, and he doesn't require money from you like the Christian God does.
I plan on teaching at a Christian school. How long do you think I'll last before I'm fired (from the job or literally)?

I like pissing people off. Not people I like, obviously, but everyone else in the world, I kinda wanna piss them off. I ENJOY defying normality and taboo.

Considering this post is called her "Rant O Doom" (so randum xD) I'd now like to mention a recent phenomenon I've discovered. Everyone claims to be so randum xD and unique but they all do it in exactly the same way with the same vocabulary and everything, so their uniqueness and randum xD-ness is now a pattern you can track.
... Am I going crazy here or does anyone else spot the contradiction?

Anything I am told not to do, I want to do.

Wow so cool-- college-going white girl. You sure are zany and unique!

Of course, this defiant streak means I DO NOT want to do anything I'm told to do, either explicitly or implicitly. Do your homework? DNW. Lose weight? NOPE! Hate your squishy bits? FUCK YOU! See where this is going? Yeah.

So you're another fuck up asshole who's overweight and burdening our laboring health care system, and yet somehow you're proud of this, err, achievement.
Wow you sure are a unique snowflake.

Anyway, I can take direction when I need to. I finish my homework just in time to turn it in.

So-- you're special and unique because you don't do what you're told (including homework) and yet you do your homework and turn it in on time-- am I going crazy?

Now, I'm not gonna harass people about their opinions, even when it's WRONG, so long as they can explain WHY they think it.

>opinion
>wrong
It's like my brain is collapsing in on itself!

So, I haven't been complaining to you guys about my computer, because I probably deserve most of my computer woes. I watch free porn and hentai, download yaoi from semi-suspicious sources and visit mangafox.

>download porn from suspicious sources
>has computer troubles
You're just trying to get up on my tits, aren't you?

AVG is not only free, the newest version is so awesome it won't even let you open stuff that could kill you system, which it quickly proved, because I am an idiot. =.=

Wow the only AVG warnings I ever get are "you need to restart your computer to finish your updates" but then again I am smart enough to not open "childporn.jpg.pdf.exe.jar" so whatever.

I'm fat. This isn't a surprise. I want to be known as being pretty. I want someone to think I'm beautiful.

Even if you lose weight it still will not fix the unfortunate arrangement of your facial features~

So....I've started the summer semester. It's pretty much what I expected: a weird combination of too much work and too much free time.

SITTIN' IN CLASS FOR FOURS HOURS, TALKING ON MSN
GETTING AN A WITHOUT EVEN TRYING
SEMESTER OF THE YEAR ALL YEARS

I also finished watching Twelve Kingdoms. If you have never seen this anime, you DESPERATELY need to watch it.

No that's okay, really.

Ok, I'm taking IS 220. It's an international studies class focusing on Japanese history. My teacher is a 70 year-old white woman. Already makes you wanna go HUNH?

It does?
You can know stuff about cultures not your own, you know.
Anyway the rest of this blog is the same shit and zzzzzzzz so I'm going to go do something with my life.

Good evening pussies

Ho boy you people sure have a lot of problems. I just found this fantastic community called "LJsecrets" because it's everything dramatic and stupid about Livejournal distilled into a series of images with font that's way too hard to read against the image (naturally). While it might be fun to review this community, too, it's way too hard to follow along because I'd have to copy images in and then there's user comments that are equally amusing and no, I'll just find someone who posts here, thanks.
My favorite post on this community, though, has to be "The night you brought home your BFF for a threesome with you and your girlfriend, I didn't just leave because I didn't want to hear it. The idea that you have two people dying to fuck you while I have none was killing me inside."
Ignoring the syntactical and grammatical nightmare these sentences are presumably this is a girl talking to another girl about two guys that want to fuck her. That's my best estimation of this situation, anyway.
Like, what, fucking people occurs in a vacuum? I'm sure you could go out and become the town whore if that was really your goal but it's so much easier and safer to bitch about it on the internet.
Anyway today we have the workings of Flavius Arrianus, better known as Xenophon, historian. I didn't know he was a girl living in the 21st century but apparently.
Oh no excuse me that's just the name of her journal. This is Emma. hi Emma :3
Pretty grandiose to have one of the world's most important historians chronicling your personal blog, huh?

In 9months I will be a nurse.
Kind of crazy no?

No, actually. So what? There are thousands upon thousands of nurses in the world.

I am doing a bit better now, I think the new meds are helping.

Nursing school is going well, and I have lost a ton of weight.

Also take a look at this fucking blog layout. I know it's probably supposed to be both unique and soothing to the viewer but it kind of makes me want to kill. That's what's supposed to happen while browsing Livejournal, right?

I want to peel off this chrysalis and spread blue and silver dusty wings to the sky and fly away,

Oh well let's just ride our chariot of rainbows into friendship.

I am not in a cocoon, I am really just a worm, and unlike caterpillers, worms don't morph into something beautiful, worms just stay worms.

Good you realize it. Now turn the wheel of bureaucracy forever until you die, unmourned and unloved. Peon.

God, life has been so hard lately in so many things- I am just feeling suffocated by things- I want to give everything away and float to neverland on a cloud.

I don't really have any other nonsense phrase regarding this kind of thinking other than "chariot of rainbows into friendship" and I can't really recycle that just yet.

I feel like I am smothered by all this surrounding hate- it is hard to wake up sometimes. Hard to make myself get out of bed.

Oh there's a picture of you. As expected.
Also don't color correct your photos that way. I can tell you're not that tan because your HAIR IS NOW GREEN, DUMMY.

I'm such a jerk, even though I don't mean to be. I don't really know how to deal with pressure, or things that bother me. I'm terrible with words when I am so full of emotion I can cliche'edly burst. :(

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance
I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself

I hate it because it really hurts my feelings to see what people actually think of me, I think that the application should just show your 10 best traits and not the things that people don't vote for you at all.

Oh dancing with myself
Oh dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
I'll be dancing with myself

Like, I know that I don't really have pretty eyes, or that I am not sexier than most- but come on, no one wants to be stuck in handcuffs with me for a day? That could be fun! Am I that uninteresting?

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself

Blah, hate that application- though, it did make me feel pretty good to see that I am most intelligent- *puffs up her feathers*

Sorry everyone she's going on and on about nonsense and I just flashed back to the 80s for a full minute.

I'm sitting in my room lamenting the loss of my childhood, in that half-baked cookie kind of way.

In the what kind of way?
Sorry not everyone is as fat as you so food analogies aren't always the best way of expressing yourself here.

I miss the days when being an angsty teenager was okay,

Because you never really moved out of that phase of your life and it just seems silly now?

I am an insecure person and I can't help it.

I CAN'T HELP IT I AM HELPLESS PLEASE PITY ME :(

This is my emo rant.

I am sick and tired of things in my life.

AS OPPOSED TO YOUR OTHER POSTS? WHAT WERE THEY, THEN?
Holy shit strap in motherfuckers, this is post is going to be the ass.

I want to be pretty, I want to be thin, I want to be smart, I want to have a job I like, I want to be.....a useful member of society....

AS YOU WALK ON BY~
WILL YOU WALK AWAY?
COME ON AND CALL MY NAME
COME ON CALL MY NAAAAAAME
WILL YOU CALL MY NAME?
YOOOOW
I SAID LA LA LA

I hate that I don't feel like I am interesting to anyone.

Goddamn this blog goes on and on but the complete works of Billy Idol keep oooon coming, too, so it's okay.

I'm lonely, I realize. I'm lonely because I don't have anyone that I am really close to, and I don't have anyone who wants to be around me in a way that is not 'yeah were buds' you know?

So you might say that you're DANCING WITH YOURSELF?

I understand that I am not the most creative, or pretty, or even friendly outgoing- you know?

Didn't we already talk about this? I get it, you're ugly and unfriendly and not creative and you're a bore, can we please move on?
This is why no one likes you incidentally.

I am really sick of living in this mucky state.

I got a 62% on my first bio test....why?

I got a 97% on my first biology test in college.
Proud moment in college to be sure.

Well, this is what happened- our class average on that test was 43%

Ha, ha, yeah and my test was graded on a curve. OH I'M SORRY DID I FUCK EVERYONE'S AVERAGE UP FOR THIS TEST?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I understand why people go to war.

Yeah, Ares tells them it's a good idea.
But don't listen to him, guys. He only cares about the slaughter.

I am done with being depressed I think.

Maybe

NOPE.
YOU ARE A BIG FAT LIAR.
I HATE YOU FOR IT.
Anyway I think that's enough because all this blog is is whining about not being pretty/smart/interesting whatever over and over and then Billy Idol songs for some reason.
But come to think of it I think that last part is my addition.

Praise Be to General Electric

Today, as I sit in the pollen-laden air (record breaking pollen count, hurrrrr), angry at my current lot in life (stuck behind some asshole in the fast lane doing 30 in a 55 zone, snail racing with the asshole immediately to his right, also doing 30) it hit me. What I want, more than anything else in the world, is to have this mounted on the front of my car somehow.
It's not a gun. It's a Gatling-style cannon.Anyway, today we have Welcome to My Truth. Good thing it's just her truth, too, because if this were a universal truth it'd confirm what I always suspected: the truth is incredibly dull.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, maybe I'm just fishing for compliments or maybe I'm hoping someone will kick me up the butt and help me do something with my life.But I'm going to tell you this anyway.

Waiting for the big "oops! I forgot I needed a point!" moment. Then I call you an idiot.

There is this girl that I sort of grew up with, I shan't name her. She's pretty much perfect.

Hit me with your best shot, etc?

She's like me, but a better version. By that I mean she's fairly short and she sings, but she's prettier, thinner and although not a better singer she generally does more with her voice. And I'm sure most people /do/ think she's better than I am anyway.

Yo dawg we heard you liked obnoxious bints so we put a louder voice in your obnoxious bint so you can have a headache while you have a headache.
Sorry Xzibit Pimp My Ride parodies are so last year.

And it upsets me and angers me every time I hear about her. And she hasn't done anything wrong. It's horrible feeling like this.

WOMEN. Am I right?

I am so full of anger right now, and I do not know why.

YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY.

To be perfectly honest, i hate Friday nights. I'm sick of spending them alone and going to bed at 10 o clock and waking up on Saturdays thinking "what's the point in bothering to leave the house?"

You just need a more positive (positiver? I've never had to use this word in my life before) outlook on life. You're not a dateless loser, you just have more time for Pokemon now!

I hate how lonely I feel right now. I know I'm not alone and I shouldn't complain but I can't stand feeling like this.

Ah this reminds me a lot of Otis Redding when he says "and this loneliness won't leave me alone." Only when he says it it's in reference to leaving everything and everyone behind to travel 2000 miles only to come to the horrific realization he had nothing to live for and it looks like nothing will come his way, even now that he's left, so--
wait no, that's totally different.

It's like everyones changing and growing up and having fun, and I'm stuck being the same old me with no life.

Somehow when Otis does this it's more meaningful than when you do it.
Oh right, talent. Yeah. That helps a lot.
Also Otis frames it a little different. His is more indifference towards his situation, kind like he's resigned to it, so you feel more for his situation than had he just blatantly whined about bullshit.

I am currently the heaviest I have ever been.
I don't know how to feel about that.

You should feel good about yourself if you're a boxer. Otherwise-- probably disappointment.

So I have no real reason to complain.

... BUT?Oh wow, she's really not whining this post.
Good work, then. "Steady on", as you British say.

I want to talk to you all about my body, because I think I aught to share this revelation with you all.

Yes, this is an important revelation. It's like the Apocalypse of Saint John, it's that important.
You thought all that Trumpets of Jericho and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and the Dragon and the one third of the waters being turned to blood bullshit were dramatic?
Let me tell you, it has nothing on what's about to follow.

As I am sure you all know, or are in denial about, I am a bit bigger than your average girl. Horizontally anyway.

Translation: I am fat.

Vertically, I'm tiny. I have hips and boobs and a belly, arms and thighs that wobble when I move.

Translation: I am shaped like a meatball.

People always say that that's how I'm supposed to look and how "real women have hips and a belly"

No they don't, shut up. That's just fat people comforting other fat people.

but let's face it, they'd all rather look like Megan Fox than Aretha Franklin.

They'd rather have a man face than be fat-- err, bad analogy.

I've always been extremely self conscious and insecure about my body and my weight. I am not telling you that now, I no longer have these insecurities, because I'd be lying. But tonight, something changed.

Here we go, revelation time. This is going to be great, I can feel it~

I still do not like how wobbly I am. But I have started to develop a certain respect for my body. I know, right? It's completely insane.

I think a part of it is because I know that society and the rest of the world HATES it. Every clothes store and fashion magazine is dedicated to stick thin women whose ideas of "curves" is being able to see their hip bone sticking out. And as much as people say that curves are in, teenagers are getting skinnier and skinnier.

THE MEDIA HAS AN UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION OF WOMEN BLAH BLAH BLAH EATING A HOAGIE NOW

And it's sickening. By being the way I am, I am rebelling against society in my own way.

You and every other slob American/Englishman/German whatever the flying fuck you are.
Also, yeah, real impressive. Rebelling by doing exactly what you were doing before. I'm rebelling against organized society by playing video games today.
MAAAAAAN I'M TOTALLY BONKERS! COUNTERCULTURE, ANARCHY!

Another thing is, recently, I've been looking at thin girls, and thinking "okay she's thin. Nothing wobbles and she has a beautifully generic face and figure. What's so special about her?"

She's in magazines and you aren't?

You probably don't understand what that means, but not long ago, as short as a few weeks ago in fact, I would have looked at that girl and thought "God, she's so thin, I HAVE to be her!"

Yeah I had a similar debate with some Pokebros recently about the effectiveness of Scizor. They said he's overused Smogon faggotry, and while I had to cede the point, I think they gained a new appreciation when I trapped half a team with mine. Pursuit ruins your faggot shit, faggot.
It's a praying mantis made out of metal. What's not to like?

But, I've started being bored by perfect people. My imperfections are what make me who I am, you know?

Ah, but what if the perfect looking girl also has a perfect personality to match? You'd be positively inferior by comparison, because all you ever do is bitch about how you're not perfect, and now I'm supposed to laud that as superior because it makes you who you are, whatever the fuck that means?

So where has all this come from? Anyone who knows how self conscious I am, knows that this is almost as big as the time Galileo said that the rest of the universe actually revolved around the sun.

I'm pretty sure Copernicus was the one that suggested that. Displacing the previously held Ptolemaic model, don't you know.

Today is Ash Wednesday A.K.A the first day of lent A.K.A the day I go vegetarian. Yes that's right my friends, I'm giving up meat for lent.

I'm sure the reaction she's looking for is something like this:
But it's not happening.
Now there's a post about "guys she'd sex it up with" and I'm starting to think about putting my head in front of my desirous M61 Vulcan.
I think that's a sign it's quitting time. Enjoy your hoagies, fatties.

Oh my God Livejournal come on man

So it looks like Livejournal has redone their front page. It's completely the same upon a cursory scan but one critical button is missing: Journals. It looks like I can no longer browse the life section. Or any section at all for that matter.
I then discovered I could search by category or school, which is fantastic if you want to read the philosophical ramblings of a 14 year old made five years ago (no thanks). I'm fairly certain this feature has always existed but had previously been locked out to people not registered (oh hi me). I debated registering to see if they had just switched browse and search, but the fantastic Livejournal registration system wouldn't allow me an account, so who the fuck knows?
Of course the "Shop" button is still healthy and intact, so fantastic. Wouldn't want to do anything to that, would you, you cunts? Fuck blogging.
Fortunately Deadjournal, that oft-neglected emo sister to Livejournal, stands intact and ready to please.
If that sounded Freudian that was the idea. Anyway, here we go: Papyrus of Ani.

As of late, I feel like i'm here for no reason. Like I don't matter to anyone, except Raiden.

... The god of lightning?
He's basically Zeus but in Japan. Also not the lead god because their lead god is a girl (kind of an unusual feature in mythology, that). Although I think you can make a strong argument for the central figure in Greek mythology being Athena and not Zeus, even though Zeus is in charge of the whole operation.

And the only reason I matter to him is because I feed him and change him.

I don't think Raiden (or Raijin if you're not American. And fat) would need fed or changed. I bet he can take care of himself pretty handily, in fact.

And while I know he'd miss me if I was gone.

Were* gone. I don't know why I bother with something that freakishly subtle when 99% of the internet doesn't know the difference between your and you're, but it bothered me.

He'd eventually just stop missing me and because he's so young, maybe even forget about me.

You named your kid Raiden?
What the fuck is the matter with you?

I wish my cramps were worse. Right now, i'm thinking I deserve it. I can't believe how fucking stupid I am.

I can't believe you named your fucking kid Raiden. What's wrong with Roger?

Not a single day has gone by that I haven't cried. While i've already kind of realized things have gone back to normal, I don't want to admit it.

This is why I don't visit Deadjournal very often. All of the blogs (and I do mean all of them) are written in this incredibly cryptic language. I know Livejournal often does that but at least on Livejournal it's book ended by Bible quotes or Naruto quotes (or both for some reason) so you can at least get a vague impression of what's going on.
Not so on Deadjournal, so you're left with two contradictory thoughts of wanting to know what's happening but not giving a shit at the same time.

I want to remember how beautiful and loved he makes me feel.

Hurr durr I'm a hurr.

Every time I think about how beautiful things were just a week ago and how they are now. I break down and cry.

That was then, this is now, focus not on the past or the future but on the ever-present now, etc etc

I need even more love and support than before he left. Where am I supposed to turn? I'm going from day to day feeling like i'm barely surviving this pain.

Ha, ha okay, Linkin Park. Excuse me, I have some new Pokemon games to play.

With this much pain and what sometimes feels like noone to share it with,

Why is it people always want to share shit with Peter Noone? Is he some sort of sage and I didn't know? (Lead singer for Herman's Hermits [ask your grandmother]).

I think part of the problem is I still haven't come to terms with everything. In my mind I go to sleep thinking that maybe tomorrow all our problems will be solved and we'll at least have a plan.

People think too much when they go to sleep, Jesus Christ.
Now there are ten thousand words that I'm not reading. I'm suddenly reminded I have to finish The Morgesons this weekend, though.
Oh all right, I'll make an effort to read this.

As soon as we got back to the hotel room and just put down our luggage and focused on eachother, it was the most beautiful, natural loving thing in the world.

Kind of sorry I started reading this now, good grief.

I sat on the couch and he just started kissing me, I returned all this and, of course, the kissing led to making out and touching.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-- gross, fat girl vag.

Making love to him was perfect. Feeling totally at ease and in love. Being so in sync and looking eachother in the eyes while saying how much you love eachother.

Each other is two words. I'm sure Peter Noone would tell you this.

Every time we made love it was a physical and a spiritual thing.

Ah, I know what you mean. One time I had a ball of wax in my ear that I swear must have been the size of my fist that I finally got out.
It was almost a moral victory, that's how good it felt.

I usually feel really cuddly and lovey at this time. And in a way, I do. I'm just afraid if I think too much about it that it will just make me sad. There has been no doubts this last month or so that the 25th of January was when Jav was supposed to be out here.

I think Jav is her husband and he's either dead (based off her posts it's really hard to tell) or he's away, possibly in a war somewhere?

10:09pm

I don't feel loved. I don't feel wanted. Since Sat nothing has gotten better. I play by myself just to feel something.

Fat girl touching herself.
I can see myself turning into that stereotypical starved for attention wife that will get it wherever she can.

I WANT TO FUCKING FEEL SOMETHING

So you say you want to feel something because you can't, longing being an emotion you supposedly can't feel.
Wow. That just blew my mind, man.

I just want this fucking feeling to go away..

But I thought YOU JUST WANTED TO FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL SOOOOOOOOOMETHING :(

I'm proud of myself for not writing during my emo phase.

Excuse me? You didn't write during your emo phase? Doesn't that imply what you're writing right now is somehow not emo, or worse, that you can somehow be more emo than this?
I'm trying to imagine you even whinier than you are now, and quite frankly it's difficult to comprehend.In fact I'm left with only one thing left to say:Also I hope Livejournal gets its shit together Friday.