Oh my God Livejournal come on man

So it looks like Livejournal has redone their front page. It's completely the same upon a cursory scan but one critical button is missing: Journals. It looks like I can no longer browse the life section. Or any section at all for that matter.
I then discovered I could search by category or school, which is fantastic if you want to read the philosophical ramblings of a 14 year old made five years ago (no thanks). I'm fairly certain this feature has always existed but had previously been locked out to people not registered (oh hi me). I debated registering to see if they had just switched browse and search, but the fantastic Livejournal registration system wouldn't allow me an account, so who the fuck knows?
Of course the "Shop" button is still healthy and intact, so fantastic. Wouldn't want to do anything to that, would you, you cunts? Fuck blogging.
Fortunately Deadjournal, that oft-neglected emo sister to Livejournal, stands intact and ready to please.
If that sounded Freudian that was the idea. Anyway, here we go: Papyrus of Ani.

As of late, I feel like i'm here for no reason. Like I don't matter to anyone, except Raiden.

... The god of lightning?
He's basically Zeus but in Japan. Also not the lead god because their lead god is a girl (kind of an unusual feature in mythology, that). Although I think you can make a strong argument for the central figure in Greek mythology being Athena and not Zeus, even though Zeus is in charge of the whole operation.

And the only reason I matter to him is because I feed him and change him.

I don't think Raiden (or Raijin if you're not American. And fat) would need fed or changed. I bet he can take care of himself pretty handily, in fact.

And while I know he'd miss me if I was gone.

Were* gone. I don't know why I bother with something that freakishly subtle when 99% of the internet doesn't know the difference between your and you're, but it bothered me.

He'd eventually just stop missing me and because he's so young, maybe even forget about me.

You named your kid Raiden?
What the fuck is the matter with you?

I wish my cramps were worse. Right now, i'm thinking I deserve it. I can't believe how fucking stupid I am.

I can't believe you named your fucking kid Raiden. What's wrong with Roger?

Not a single day has gone by that I haven't cried. While i've already kind of realized things have gone back to normal, I don't want to admit it.

This is why I don't visit Deadjournal very often. All of the blogs (and I do mean all of them) are written in this incredibly cryptic language. I know Livejournal often does that but at least on Livejournal it's book ended by Bible quotes or Naruto quotes (or both for some reason) so you can at least get a vague impression of what's going on.
Not so on Deadjournal, so you're left with two contradictory thoughts of wanting to know what's happening but not giving a shit at the same time.

I want to remember how beautiful and loved he makes me feel.

Hurr durr I'm a hurr.

Every time I think about how beautiful things were just a week ago and how they are now. I break down and cry.

That was then, this is now, focus not on the past or the future but on the ever-present now, etc etc

I need even more love and support than before he left. Where am I supposed to turn? I'm going from day to day feeling like i'm barely surviving this pain.

Ha, ha okay, Linkin Park. Excuse me, I have some new Pokemon games to play.

With this much pain and what sometimes feels like noone to share it with,

Why is it people always want to share shit with Peter Noone? Is he some sort of sage and I didn't know? (Lead singer for Herman's Hermits [ask your grandmother]).

I think part of the problem is I still haven't come to terms with everything. In my mind I go to sleep thinking that maybe tomorrow all our problems will be solved and we'll at least have a plan.

People think too much when they go to sleep, Jesus Christ.
Now there are ten thousand words that I'm not reading. I'm suddenly reminded I have to finish The Morgesons this weekend, though.
Oh all right, I'll make an effort to read this.

As soon as we got back to the hotel room and just put down our luggage and focused on eachother, it was the most beautiful, natural loving thing in the world.

Kind of sorry I started reading this now, good grief.

I sat on the couch and he just started kissing me, I returned all this and, of course, the kissing led to making out and touching.

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-- gross, fat girl vag.

Making love to him was perfect. Feeling totally at ease and in love. Being so in sync and looking eachother in the eyes while saying how much you love eachother.

Each other is two words. I'm sure Peter Noone would tell you this.

Every time we made love it was a physical and a spiritual thing.

Ah, I know what you mean. One time I had a ball of wax in my ear that I swear must have been the size of my fist that I finally got out.
It was almost a moral victory, that's how good it felt.

I usually feel really cuddly and lovey at this time. And in a way, I do. I'm just afraid if I think too much about it that it will just make me sad. There has been no doubts this last month or so that the 25th of January was when Jav was supposed to be out here.

I think Jav is her husband and he's either dead (based off her posts it's really hard to tell) or he's away, possibly in a war somewhere?

10:09pm

I don't feel loved. I don't feel wanted. Since Sat nothing has gotten better. I play by myself just to feel something.

Fat girl touching herself.
I can see myself turning into that stereotypical starved for attention wife that will get it wherever she can.

I WANT TO FUCKING FEEL SOMETHING

So you say you want to feel something because you can't, longing being an emotion you supposedly can't feel.
Wow. That just blew my mind, man.

I just want this fucking feeling to go away..

But I thought YOU JUST WANTED TO FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL SOOOOOOOOOMETHING :(

I'm proud of myself for not writing during my emo phase.

Excuse me? You didn't write during your emo phase? Doesn't that imply what you're writing right now is somehow not emo, or worse, that you can somehow be more emo than this?
I'm trying to imagine you even whinier than you are now, and quite frankly it's difficult to comprehend.In fact I'm left with only one thing left to say:Also I hope Livejournal gets its shit together Friday.