AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

My text editor looks different WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE DIFFERENT?
Anyway, welcome... TO OBLIVION.

Which U.S. President has made the most positive impact?

FDR.
If you don't say FDR you are provably wrong.

Interesting that quite a few people find the mere asking of this question "US-centric", are "annoyed", or think even asking the question is "ignorant"

I'm interested in hearing what people from other countries or cultures think on a variety of subjects, including this one. Had the question been about British Prime Ministers, I wouldn't have immediately gotten up in arms and thought it "Anglo-centric" or biased or ignorant. I would have either stated my opinion, or ignored it, and gone on about my day.

I'm also cheered to see so few "JFK" responses to this.

Other people are annoying. Look, if the US-centric questions on the US website upset you stop going to it. Or stop looking at it. Or, go found a British Livejournal that only asks UK questions.

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

I always find it ironic that Americans want to celebrate Guy Fawkes day, a day that:
1. has nothing to do with them
and:
2. celebrates the endurance of monarchism and the defeat of a man who would have found a lot in common with the founding fathers.
But I guess V FOR VENDETTA MADE IT TRENDY TO TALK ABOUT LOL God I hate people so much.

As I explained to a coworker today; YES, I have a Facebook page, but the entire raison d'etre of my Facebook page as it relates to co-workers is to tell them that I shan't be adding them as friends to my Facebook page.

Did you just use a pretentious French term for a simple English term (reason) and the term "shan't" in one sentence?
Aaaaaand the only reason for this page is to purposefully exclude people?
Oh my God, dude.
People have asked me how I can be such a bitter enemy of my fellow man.
I ask them instead how can you not be filled with revulsion at them?

I then likened my page to that room in British gentlemens' clubs wherein members must be silent at all times.

I'm likening my right hook to the bane of witches right now and you're about to be judged.

From now on, I'm referring to supervisors/bosses as "harangue-utans".


Say it with me "HARANGUE-utans"

That is all

HAAAA-- all right, look, buddy. We were joking around before but you're seriously starting to try my patience.

Yes folks, you heard right, I've been spewing drivel from this here soap box for TEN YEARS! In that time I've had literally ("literally" in this case does not means "literally") DOZENS (meaning "one or two" not "twelve", fuck convention) of fascinating and original posts

Did you just use the term "fascinating" to describe your blog?
You know in the Roman Empire the most extreme punishment a man could face was called Damnatio Memoriae, where not only would they kill you they'd also destroy anything that indicated you ever existed.
I'm not sure that's a sufficient punishment for your douchebaggery.
You have made a fate called "damnation of memory" seem like a light sentence compared to your douchebaggery.

Soooooo...I was wondering; how does a character in "Moby Dick" (the new Encore version) quote the poem "Invictus"?

Not how a semicolon works you pretentious fucker.
Are you fucking serious?
After all this posturing and feigning at being smart about cultural matters you seriously fucked a semicolon up that bad?
Here's a question for you to ponder, cocksucker: can a semicolon replace a comma?
No.
Is "so I was wondering" a full thought?
If you said yes you're a jackass.
Why is that you may ask?
Because even though it has all of the parts of speech required to make a sentence, repeat with me now fucker:
a sentence must have a subject, a verb and it must express a complete thought.
Is that a complete thought?
"So I was wondering."
WHAT WERE YOU WONDERING?
SOOOOOO IIIIIS A COOOONJUNCTION YOU PIECE OF SHIT. IT IMPLIES A CONNECTION (CONJUNCTION-- CONJOIN, GET IT?) TO SHIT THAT ISN'T THERE.
If you cut me in the leg you would be hit in the face with boiling blood.
Time travel is the obvious answer as the book takes place 25 or so years before the poem was written.
So smart about literary matters but DOESN'T KNOW HOW A SEMICOLON WORKS FUUUCK YOUUU.
Which movie or book character are you most like, and why?
I've always felt a deep kinship with:
Reclusiarch Grimaldus.

Humbert Humbert

Oh it's the guy from Lolita.
Get it? I guess he's a pedophile.
No I like mine better.

What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

Yojimbo.
If your favorite foreign movie isn't Yojimbo you either haven't seen it or are objectively wrong.
And yes, we've been over this. Yojimbo was so great it required two remakes. One starred Clint Eastwood and the other starred Bruce Willis.

1) "The Grand Illusion" by Jean Renoir
2) GOD no

Yojimbo is such a timeless classic you can safely remake it in any culture in any time period and it works.
Of course neither remake were as good as the original but they were both watchable.
Fistful of Dollars definitely pales into insignificance compared to the other two entries in the trilogy.
Everyone talks about The Good, the Bad and the Ugly as the best entry in the trilogy but really For a Few Dollars More is by far the greatest movie ever made, let alone the best of the trilogy.

If I gave you all ten quesses, I'll bet you'd NEVER guess what kind of sandwich I had today.

Give up?

If there's any justice in the world it's a knuckle sandwich.

Sauteed venison pastrami and jarlsberg, with a home-made curry guacamole on a warm baguette

It were exceedingly delicious, especially paired with a bowl of shrimp bisque, and a glass of Louis Jadot Beaujolais-Villages.


YUM

What would Grimaldus do?
"I have dug my grave in this place and I will either triumph or I will die."
No that's not quite what I'm looking for--
"We are judged in life by the evil we destroy."
That's close enough, sure.

If God exists, He wants us to have faith in Him. The "Rapture" would be concrete proof of His existence. Concrete proof negates faith.
Therefore, if the IS a God, there cannot ever be a "Rapture", and if there is NOT a God, there cannot ever be a "Rapture".
The "Rapture" cannot happen.
Q.E.D.

That's not really how that works--
all right, whatever.
Not worth arguing about, honestly.

Whilst reading the local newspaper I came across a curious fact; If a man is paying child support, and consequently through a DNA test is proven to not be the father of the child in question, a judge can order him to continue paying child support if it is "in the best interest of the child".

Here's a curious fact for you: subordinating clauses not linked through a conjunction need a colon and not a semicolon.

Surely this can't be right. A personal can be held financially responsible for a child that is not theirs? How is this legal? How is this JUSTICE?

Oh you really don't want to talk about justice, friend.

I can hear people winding up the "think of the child" argument, but that doesn't cut it.
Theoretically, a woman can pick the wealthiest person in any given community and slap him with a paternity suit and even IF it's disproven scientifically, since that person is wealthy, a judge could order him to pay support for the child since it would be "in the best interest of the child".

That seems like a bit of a stretch.
I'll admit I'm no expert on law but I doubt very much that could happen.

You realize the man is question can then be jailed, or have other sanctions used against him if he refuses to pay? Jailed for something he did not do? How is THAT ever just?

And yet you walk free despite being guilty in extremis of douchebaggery.
Count your blessings.

Pardon my ignorance, but is not "one-fifth" preferable to "five times fewer", as in "one-fifth the calories" rather than "five times fewer calories"?? Those ARE analagous terms, are they not?

...
Well without breaking out the calculator let's logic this one through.
1/5th is the same as 20%.
five times fewer is the same as dividing by 5, which is 20%.
So yes. They are the same.
Other things you apparently don't know:
www.google.com
www.wikipedia.org
www.mathhelp.com
Asking a friend.

You know, I've never found Ms Perry attractive.

Me neither.
But I am honor bound to disagree with you on every point, so she's the hottest chick in the history of the world.

This bothers me a tiny bit as most guys I know are foaming at the mouth about her. It finally occured to me what it is about her I don't like; she has nice parts, but somehow, taken as a whole, she doesn't gel.

What, is she a Frankenstein monster? All of her parts clearly belong on her because they're on her.

She's like a woman designed by committee; all the constituent parts are what's supposed to be "sexy" but somehow the whole effect lacks harmony.

Hold on it's taking me more time than expected to take this crusade.
Hit me with the next line and I should have something.

Plus, in interviews and appearances, she comes across as not-terribly-bright.

I dunno she seems about as bright as any other pop star.
Not that it matters anyway. You don't listen to pop music for the deep intellectual discussions it creates.

You know what bugs me? When you order a pizza that's let's say, $12.00, and when the delivery guy gets there, you hand him a $20 and he asks "You need some change back?" That's just rude, and not only rude, who tips $8 on a $12 order?

I always pay in scorpions.

As will suprise no-one, I've dubbed my Nook "The Nookronomicon"

You know what I call my Nook?
My eReader.
Twat.

My mom is in ICU with a gastric infection. It doesn't look good.

Oh what, did she read your blog?
Fuck you I can be that callous. This guy has put me through a lot both emotionally and morally.

What has been the most surprising cultural event of 2010?

Wow I'm getting far back.
I'll tell you the most surprising cultural event of 2011:
WHY IS SKYRIM SO GOOD?
This fucking game, man. It went from early contender to game of the year when I first heard about it to "holy shit that looks so bad" back to game of the year contender.

That there IS no culture in 2010; just wretched excess and pretense

Don't talk about pretense. Were I to start a crusade against pretense you'd rank high on my list of things to go.
But don't worry I'm sure it's just because you're fresh in my mind. Give it some time and you will slip back into obscurity, worm.

So, someone on my flist posted something that I found rather offensive, wherein she made a sweeping negative gender-based statement about men.

You're a man.
You are begging for annihilation.
THEREFORE-- I dunno, I'm feeling her on this one. I'm starting to hate my own gender based solely on you.

I gently chided her for doing so by posting a clearly marked (subject heading was "a gentle parody, if I may be allowed") parody of what she'd written which was a sweeping negative gender-based statement about women to show how just plain wrong and hurtful such statements are.

Call her a cunt to her face and tell her to return to cleaning.
Don't even dress it up like a parody. Leave it to her imagination to determine whether or not you're serious.

Her reaction? NOT - as I might have assumed from her earlier posts - a thoughtful, reasoned, intelligent discussion of the issue, but instant un-friending.

Listen, buddy. The woman is clearly a saint for even entertaining the notion of being your friend.
I've known you for all of an hour and already I'm sure I don't want to live on the same planet as you.

Frankly, I have had all I am going to take from women saying stupid fucking things about how dumb or obnoxious or insensitive or just plain useless men are and I WILL call them on it, just as I would if they were making a racist or xenophobic comment. To make my self VERY clear, I would ALSO call out a man who was making sexist staements.

Who are you, the arbiter of all sexism?
You are in a poor position to be talking about obnoxious men, I might add.

"We've had to put up with it for years" IS NOT AN EXCUSE, in many ways, it make the offense worse.

-EDIT- Apparently, if a man has the temerity to have a disagreement with a woman, that, in itself, is enough to prove that he is sexist.

What's your title?
Chief arbiter of douchebaggery?
Disagreeing with the saint of patience?
I think not.

What is your ultimate dream job? Do you think you'll ever live the dream?

Space Marine--
No, unfortunately, I was born too soon.

"DREAM JOB" what an utterly middle-class question. Anyone with ANY taste at all would wish to be a gentleman (or lady) of leisure

My leisure is lighting witches on fire.
Don't judge me you cockeyed sack of shit.

What cheers you up the most when life gets you down?

Reading my own blog. It is delightful. Pretentious French.

To crush my enemies, drive them before me, and hear the lamentations of their women, natch.

I think our cards got mixed up.
Oh right, here we go:
IT IS NOT ENOUGH THAT THEY SUFFER AND DIE-- THEY MUST BEND THEIR KNEE AND ACCEPT MY ETERNAL DOMINION OVER THEIR MISERABLE LIVES.
Whew, sorry forgot where I was for a second.
What say you, Internets Friends, about the film "Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors" by Sergei Paradjanov? I just ran across the DVD and it looks interesting.

Yea or nay?
Nay and kill yourself.
Anyway I'm going to go do something more productive with my time.

Reap the Malediction

Have you ever been looking for a shitty blog to review and you come across a blog so smug you want to reach through your monitor and strangle them?
No?
Just a strange feeling I get sometimes.
I had two choices for blogs today. One was the ramblings of a fucking mental patient but that was so incoherent and divorced from reality I don't think it would make a very entertaining post unless you like to read me say WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING NUTBALL over and over.
Here we have the ominously titled "I'm not friend list padding. And I don't want your spam." from the even more ominously named "Givegodtheglory"
Ohhhhhh boy.

If you have the opportunity to be someone else for one week then who would you be? Tell us why and what you would do.

Today's writer's block. The amount of people saying they'd be their girlfriend (implying you have girlfriends) because-- I don't know why. A lot of people said "because she's really hot" which is-- Freudian, to say the least.
I can't say I'm surprised from this lot, though.

1) LJ people, this title is offensive. I don't see you using or making fun of the slogans of other movements or religions, so you shouldn't do it to Christianity, either.

The title of this post is "What would ________ do" which by this user's logic you're only allowed to apply to Jesus because Christianity coined this phrase.
I don't believe it did but even if it did get over it.
It's not even making fun of it. You're just being butthurt to be butthurt.
In fact, I'm not sure you can even claim "what would ______ do" is a valid slogan for something because it's a perfectly rational question people ask themselves constantly.
Like when I'm filling out this job application I ask "what would my father do?" because he's an expert at this kind of bullshit. I don't say "what did Jesus have to say about bureaucracy?"
Fucking Christ you people need to cool it.

2)Hmm. Question's worded kind of poorly, valeriaanne. It kinda assumes that everybody would want to be someone else and would jump on the chance. Maybe a better way to word it would be, "If you have the opportunity to be someone else for one week, would you do it, and if so, who would you be?"

LOOK IF THE QUESTION IS SO OFFENSIVE AND POORLY WORDED WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING IT?
It's like when people in my LS are asking for the thousandth time where the new swimsuit event is. Too lazy to look at the patch notes? Well fuck you, I'm not answering your question.
I just don't say anything.

I'm afraid I wouldn't go for it. I'd rather just be myself.

After all that shit you were slinging you don't even have an interesting answer.
OH MY GOOOOD.

Who are your favorite television or movie villains? What makes them so deliciously evil?

Darth Vader. In less than five minutes after being introduced to him he's strangling someone.
Five minutes into watching Luke he's already whining. Han Solo is a smug motherfucker and Princess Leia is useless as always.
Darth Vader is a man who gets shit done.

This question seems to make unfounded assumptions and generalizations that everyone fangirls/boys out on media villains. Which is not the case.

A better wording would maybe be, "Do you have favorite television or movie villains? What do you like about them?"

I don't do 'deliciously evil', thanks.

I STAND FOR GODLINESS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS and blow it out your ass, Jesus.

Which song gives you goosebumps? Good or bad-- tell us why.

I was listening to some shitty local radio and this banshee named Adele turned my spine to broken glass with one of her songs. I think I was lucky to come out with my life on that one because as you know, once you hear the howl of the banshee you're already dead.

None. I guess music doesn't affect me that way.

What, are you a fucking android? You appear to have no emotions.
Ha, ha ha-- in fact, looking at her "current mood" thing it's general statements of being like "awake" or "drained" which a fucking electronic device could tell you that but tellingly her most common emotional state is "blank".
ASSAULT CANNONS TO ON POSITION.

Sure, the pros are obvious—but what are the cons of having a friend with benefits?

Oh look, it's this shit again.
I'm sure Our Martyred Lady has much to say on the matter.

I deny the existence of any pros to such a relationship. They're lazy, selfish, deceptive, and damaging.

The only one of these that's not unproven nonsense is lazy. They are a bit lazy, I'm not gonna lie.
In fact one could make an easy argument that they're the opposite of deceptive: they're brutally honest. Two people just want to fuck and don't want to build a relationship out of what boils down to carnal feelings only.
Damaging perhaps but not necessarily--
Selfish, I don't see how. Both parties gain from the arrangement I assume--
No, I think you're just wrong on this one.

There are no 'obvious pros' that I can see. It's just a pair of people who want to be pervs while still being able to go play the game with anyone else they want. Because they're not together! They're just 'friends with benefits'. *snort*

Besides the obvious fear of something you don't understand (human emotion) and the incredulous emotion that I believe hinges on jealousy I have yet to hear one compelling argument against this arrangement.

This question reeks with assumption. The assumption that everyone will think the same way you do, and very many don't.

To undertake our crusade is to be immortal.

Which book would you want to see turned into a videogame?

So I spent a lot of time thinking about this question recently and the only correct answer is The Odyssey.

This question has a lot of assumption in its wording. I think there are probably many people who have no interest in video games, much less turning them into books.

Yeah I have a question for you. Why are you such a cunt?

However, I am a nerd. So I do. I think I'd like a nice puzzle and level game based on 'Hind's Feet in High Places' by Hanna Hurnard. One where players could make their own custom character, and then meet with obstacles and answer Bible trivia questions on their way up through the levels. I'd have fun with that game.

That sounds like the least fun you can have and still call it a game.
Here, let me show you what makes a fun video game session:
First you get swimsuits for a DBG:
And then you put on your warface and punch demons:


If you notice the demon is so large you can barely see poor Edie.
Not pictured: LS leader yelling at me that I shouldn't be engaging Batraal (the demon)
HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MY NEED TO ENGAGE IN GLORIOUS HAND TO HAND COMBAT.
Also unpictured: me getting yelled at because I couldn't provoke 5 Purgatory Knights at once.
Toolbag.
WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT THE MAGES TO GET KILLED BY THE PURGATORY KNIGHTS TELL THEM TO FUCKING MOVE BEFORE THEY GET GRAVE REELED.
I CAN'T SAVE THEM FROM THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE. I HAD THREE OF THE FOUR AND THE LAST WAS FIGHTING ONE OF OUR ARCHERS.
We lost that fight, unfortunately. I blame a decided lack of zeal in this great undertaking.
But seriously we had three Japanese people as our healers and our glorious leader refused to stop using internet shorthand so bad I, a master of the English language, could barely understand.
Needless to say our friends from across the world had more difficulty than I and stopping in a harshly timed fight with demons and the undead to translate from idiot to English in my own mind before switching my input to Japanese and translating for them (or wrestling the shitty auto-translator) wasn't really a viable option.
Also I don't like to advertise the fact I can translate for them because I don't like to represent idiocy. I feel it reflects poorly on me.
Oh right, back to this.
Number of good games where DBGs fight demons: LOADS
Number of good games featuring Bible trivia: 0

What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

Yojimbo and there were several American remakes.
The best of which is the awesome Fistful of Dollars, in fact.
Oh yeah, a movie so awesome Clint Eastwood is in the American remake.
Take that, shitty American remake of shitty Japanese horror movies.
Then later there was a remake starring Bruce Willis but we don't talk about that.
Yeah, how about that, actually. A movie so badass the only people you can cast in the remakes are Clint Eastwood and Bruce Willis.
Basically the greatest story ever told, not gonna lie.

Not everyone has a favorite foreign film. Maybe a better way to word this would be, "Do you have a favorite foreign film? If you do, do you think there should be an American remake?"

If you don't have a favorite foreign film you haven't seen Yojimbo and therefore your opinion on movies is invalid.

What’s your favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and why?

Mazes and Monsters.
Mazes and Monsters--
Tom Hanks' first acting role, in fact. He plays a man that loses his mind over a Dungeons and Dragons game and thinks he is his Dungeons and Dragons character.
Because as we all know engaging in the "far out theater of the mind" that is Dungeons and Dragons is akin to selling your soul to the devil.
And before you think I'm making an elaborate joke I'm dead fucking serious.
Also if you're under the mistaken impression that Tom Hanks can act I suggest watching this movie.

Not everyone has a favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and you know what they say about assuming. Maybe a better wording would be, "Do you have a favorite Tom Hanks movie or character? If so, which and why?"

You know this is somehow more tedious than Victorgreywolf's (why can't I stop talking about this guy) token response of "your mother's crotch".

I... can barely remember any of his movies or characters. He's in the start of 'Buzz Lightyear of Star Command', but I like that for Buzz, not for Woody. Um...

So here's a thought for you. You don't like the question and you don't have a proper response.
DON'T FUCKING ANSWER IT YOU STUPID CUNT.

What kind of spiritual or meditative practice keeps you feeling zen?

I like to recite lines from Warhammer, regardless of how much sense they make out of context.
They fill the AIR with BLAAAAAAAAAAADES!

I don't do zen.

IT'S A TURN OF PHRASE YOU STUPID CUNT. WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP YOURSELF BALANCED?
Which when it comes to you I'm guessing defrag your hard drive because there's no way you're thinking with squishy human bits.
Bits of gold and lead for you, all the way.

If you're using the term figuratively rather than assumptively, though, I keep my peace of mind by talking to the God of the Bible and reading and thinking about said Bible, remembering all the things I have to feel thankful for (it's a big list), and trying to let God do His will through me (doing good stuff, but not for Brownie points).

His will be done.
The Emperor of Man, that is.
Also I'm pretty sure this is the logic used to undertake all the crusades.
In fact Pope Leo X I believe it was even has this awesome speech that boils down to "The Bible says 'vengeance is mine' but what's to say the good Lord isn't working his vengeance through us?"
Ooooooh goodness. Anyway this entry has banged on long enough and it's barely about this blogger in the first place.
Anyway have fun being an android.