Because when I think Pokemon, oh yeah, I think adult content.
I do enjoy the implication that this is somehow appropriate for people older than 14 when in fact it is inappropriate for everyone on the grounds that it sucks. It feels like I've been harping on that annoying censorship thing on Livejournal a lot lately but it really has been coming up a lot lately.
I will give user "Pokemon Card" some credit, though, because at least each individual entry isn't hidden behind a cut. That shit gets annoying quick. Just one cursory warning and then you're in.
Knee-deep in the shit.
Let me preface this by saying I'm as sure as I can be that this is a man.
Which means I'm about 50% certain.
BEHOLD:
What is the first line of your favorite book?
Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy.
Proper use of the term "muse", take note.
But I actually consider the first sentence of Dante's Inferno technically superior:
Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
I have far too many favourite books.
Let's see here...
First, not really a book, per say, but a short story:
>per say
you're clearly not of a mind to judge good opening lines.
it's "per se" you stupid twat. It's Latin.
As in "in itself"?
Fuuuuck you.
"There's a guy like me in every state and federal prison in America, I guess--I'm the guy who can get it for you."
---'Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption' by Stephen King
FAVORITE BOOK
STEPHEN KING
I can see we're not going to get along already.
You know what's annoying?
When you gauge up to half an inch on your ears thinking that it will be the biggest you go, and a few months later find out that the damn plugs just slide through the hole backwards, prompting you to go bigger, but not having the next size bigger.
Carving massive holes in places where massive holes don't belong
Being surprised when it turns out to be inconvenient and a bad idea
Not too bright, are you?
There's always a time in one's life that one starts to think about how it's turn out thus far.
I think about mine every now and then.
I regret a lot of it. I know that we shouldn't regret our lives as they make us who we are today.
What are you, 87 years old?
This shit only sounds impressive when it's said by someone who is actually old, you know.
Like when someone says "I've been waiting my entire life for this tee-hee!" like fucking woooooow, how old are you again? 17?
Now when a Dreadnought in Dawn of War says "I HAVE WAITED LONG FOR THIS DAY" it actually comes off as impressive because not only is he a several ton killing machine but also because most dreadnoughts are several hundred to several thousand years old which means their "long wait" is actually a period of time longer than most people have been alive.
That is waiting long.
Or like a few years ago when the Red Sox won the whatever that crap is in baseball (I don't follow sports [big surprise]) and they had a bunch of 100 year old men saying they'd been waiting their whole lives to see this--
now that's a fucking wait.
LOOKING BACK ON MY LIFE AND IT HAS BEEN A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT--
What are you, like 20? You're in college, I know that.
But fuck today. I want yesterday and tomorrow. I'll take any day except today. To be honest, today hasn't actually been a bad day by any means. What I'm saying is that this moment in my life is what I wish to be rid of. I'd like to skip through a few years. I'd like to see where I end up.
Fucking I hate people my age. Another one of these self-entitled twats demanding instant gratification. I'm sorry you have to go to college and get a degree but welcome to life, pusscakes.
I know lately I've been complaining about my lack of motivation and determination on my creative fronts. But I'm pleased to announce I've retrieved a lot of that back. i don't know whether it's perhaps that I'm excited for school to begin, glad that last semester is over, frustrated about certain things, or the fact that I am just so angry lately that I have no other way to vent, but I'm glad it's back. I missed my 'mojo' (I guess you could call it that).
Acknowledgement of your problems does not excuse them.
How many times do I have to tell you bloggers this shit?
I KNOW I'VE BEEN A WHINING TWAT A LOT LATELY--
Ohhhhh that's okay, user "Pokemon Card", I forgive you~
Just some info.
It's information per se (excuse me, "PER SAY") but it's definitely not anything I, or anyone normal, gives a shit about.
Tonight is her goodbye to you. You don't know who you are, but she certainly does. It hurts her knowing that this needs to be done.
For too long things have gone unsaid. Far too long.
And tonight is the night where it ends. She waited and you never spoke.
What--
Wow, this "she's doing shit and it relates to YOU" goes on for like five fucking posts.
What's happening?
Is this an entry written about the writer in second person?
I hope?
Gawd, it's been forever since I posted. Working full-time and going to school, and doing said school's homework will do that to a girl.
I said I was only 50% sure.
Which means I was also 50% sure it was a girl.
This will probably be a controversial call at home but I'm awarding myself full points for correctly guessing the gender.
So maybe the above entry about "the girl is blaaaah" is written in second person towards a boyfriend, or love interest, but she's actually the girl--
no this is stupid. Don't give three shits about this.
Oh and there you are in all your mall goth glory.
How, what's a word besides stupid, douchey or cunty--
quaint.
Y'know, I've been really thinking about it, and I've decided what I miss most about pre-stroke grandma is her ability and willingness to read. I miss her critiquing my work, and telling when I have to make a change, or when I'm amazing.
I have yet to read something you've written that is "amazing" outside of "amazingly boring".
My mom won't read my writing very well, and even if she did, she might have a hard time understanding it. My sister won't read anything over a paragraph. I know Kaleigh would read it, and share what she thinks, but sometimes her critique isn't quite what I'm looking for, especially when it is something personal.
Her critiques aren't what you're looking for.
It's important to take any critique with a grain of salt but honestly with someone of your caliber of writing you should be thankful you can get any constructive criticism.
I guess I got an A- on my short story for CRWR. Which I suppose is pretty cool, and I should be happy about. I'll break it down for you guys:
Story = 8.5/10
Characterization = 7.5/10
Writing = 8/10
Total = 24/30
>7.5 on characterization
IN A COLLEGE CREATIVE WRITING CLASS?
INEXCUSABLE.
I also like the nebulous "writing" grade. Thanks you for this, professor.
Although to be fair in a college creative writing course I'm sure I'd get hammered on all fronts so whatever.
Good job being conventional, I guess.
I know I got mauled in high school over characterization especially because YOUR MAIN CHARACTER ISN'T EVEN GIVEN A NAME because that's what's really important in a story.
Pretentious fucks.
I will fist fight you over this.
DID CLINT EASTWOOD'S CHARACTER IN FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE HAVE A NAME?
THANK YOU.
That was my defense, too.
(Also, I'm just gonna point out that my ENGL professor was totally dressed like Justin Beiber today! LOL!) Anyways, back to my work. I'm fairly okay with it, hell, I even knew what was wrong with it! But I was too fucking lazy to fix it. Stupid me. He said he liked my "tart, dark humour."
You know who gets a lot of unfair jokes leveled his way?
Sylvester Stallone. Everyone calls him an idiot because he looks like a thawed caveman and talks like he's working with some sort of steam-powered brain but he did write the entire script to Rocky, an Academy Award winning script, in like 20 hours.
That's an impressive feat by any measure in my opinion but he also somehow managed to do it without creative writing classes in college.
In fact, most successful writers do.
Just saying.
I suppose I should post the story here so y'all know what I'm talking about, but I'm thoroughly against posting any writing that I'm even remotely happy with publicly. I'm always worried that it might get stolen!
HAHAHA OH WOW.
Flatter yourself, honey.
Christ.
Which sucks and people are stupid for stealing other people's works. So you all get to make up your own story for my marks and story.
Oh I get to make up my own story.
I'm going to write a book that's entirely blank but the first line on the first page is "make up your own story."
On a darker note, my tooth really fucking hurts! I think it's my wisdom tooth, but I'm too scared to find out. I don't want to have to get them removed. Owie!
That's your fucking darker note?
Your tooth hurts?
And you claim to be an expert on horror and suspense-- not buying it.
Oh shit now there are entries hidden behind a cut.
Thanks for nothing.
Cunt.
OH BOY AN ENTRY HIDDEN BEHIND A CUT WITH THE TAGS "DEPRESSION" AND "ANGST".
I find that there is always something I can't fully explain. Whether it be why I'm so emotionally depressed 98.7% of the time, or why I enjoy doing the things that I do.
I wish that I felt happier most of the time. I wish that time could slow down and let me catch up, let me make good first impressions,
Oh so it's their fault that you're an unlikeable twat.
Did you seriously just blame others for your inability to make first impressions?
I've seen some blame shifting in my time but this has to be one of the more brazen attempts I've seen.
let me show people that I can be that good person that some people think I am. Well, I may not actually be that person, but I can be, with a lot of faking and a faux perfected smile.
Oh so you have the potential to be a good person.
Who gives a shit?
I have the potential to be a fucking astronaut but I'm not.
So speaking of boundless potential I was grinding culinarian in FFXIV (because culinarian sucks and is really hard to level so when they fix food in the next patch I'll have a market fucking locked down until everyone else can catch up) and I finally hit rank 30 when Edie learned this ability:
She's also a fairly accomplished thaumaturge (or "miracle worker" if you're not too familiar with Greek) knowing life's purpose-- working miracles--
Who knew Edie would turn out to be such a Christ figure?
Also SHUT THE FUCK UP SPATZ STURM YOU WEEABOO FUCK I'M TRYING TO TAKE A GODDAMN PHOTO FOR HUMOROUS EFFECT.
Also when I used Life's Purpose it was to turn fish into sand.
So the implication I'm getting here is the goal in life is to turn fish into sand.
Or maybe Edie is trying to teach us that we are all going to return to sand, like the fish.
SUCH WISDOM.
Like dust in the wind, dude.
Deep.
Ohhhh goodness.
"This sand is my body and this sand is my blood."
Somehow I think the Sermon on The Mount would have gone differently if Edie were in charge.
Conjuring plagues and sandstorms out of nowhere.
FUCK MY FOLLOWERS AHAHAHAHAHA.
She has quite the insatiable bloodlust for a Christ figure.
5 years of customer service has shown me that pretending is a lot easier now then it used to be as a child. I'm quicker to hide and judge, but also quicker to tell people that I outright hate or like someone. A surely unattractive quality.
I met someone like you in real life once. Also in college. She looked at me around the fourth day of class and said "I don't think I like you" so I looked at her without a change in my expression and said "good that means I must be doing something right in life" and she looked like she was going to cry.
NONE CAN MATCH MY MIGHT.
I like to mope, but I also like to express. I flourish in emotion. But I do not communicate my own inner turmoil as well as I could. I write, I draw, I thrash. I scream, I yell, I anguish. But not publicly. Shame really.
If you truly wish to master troll-fu you must first master the roiling emotion in your own heart.
You must be as implacable as the surging waves on the ocean and as placid as a still pool.
Am I writing a Zen text or trolling technique?
It's Zen and trolling.
The Buddha himself said there were as many paths to enlightenment as there were men that walketh upon the Earth.
I wish that the people I work with would stop assuming I'm a lesbian. Just because I haven't had a boyfriend and I'm almost 19 doesn't automatically make me gay.
You never sound gayer than when you're saying "I'm not gay".
One last thing. I HATE HATE HATE it when Ricardo calls me CUTE. "Why are you sooo cute?"
Why don;t you go tell your GIRLFRIEND that you think she's cute. What if I told her you think I'm cute. Hmmm? What's gonna happen then?
Fine don't take the compliment.
I saw your picture. He's far more generous than he has any reason to be.
Stupid customers making fun of the goth girl who came in. "Hey, did you see that Hellowe'en costume over there?" "EXCUSE ME? I'm a fucking goth. Don't even start." "Seriously?" "Yes." "Whoa, true Surrey Girl." "GTFO OMG DICKHEAD."
I've never thought to call a Goth a Halloween costume somehow.
Making a note for future use--
Well thank you, anonymous shop workers in balmy London who I don't know and will never know-- you've single-handedly been more useful than all blogs I've reviewed combined.
Anyway the only reason I did this entry in the first place was because I had that "Life's Purpose" bit already planned out. I guess I'm out, then.
I believe Warhammer said it best and succinctly (like always):
"We are judged in life by the evil we destroy."
No comments:
Post a Comment