Reap the Malediction

Have you ever been looking for a shitty blog to review and you come across a blog so smug you want to reach through your monitor and strangle them?
No?
Just a strange feeling I get sometimes.
I had two choices for blogs today. One was the ramblings of a fucking mental patient but that was so incoherent and divorced from reality I don't think it would make a very entertaining post unless you like to read me say WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING NUTBALL over and over.
Here we have the ominously titled "I'm not friend list padding. And I don't want your spam." from the even more ominously named "Givegodtheglory"
Ohhhhhh boy.

If you have the opportunity to be someone else for one week then who would you be? Tell us why and what you would do.

Today's writer's block. The amount of people saying they'd be their girlfriend (implying you have girlfriends) because-- I don't know why. A lot of people said "because she's really hot" which is-- Freudian, to say the least.
I can't say I'm surprised from this lot, though.

1) LJ people, this title is offensive. I don't see you using or making fun of the slogans of other movements or religions, so you shouldn't do it to Christianity, either.

The title of this post is "What would ________ do" which by this user's logic you're only allowed to apply to Jesus because Christianity coined this phrase.
I don't believe it did but even if it did get over it.
It's not even making fun of it. You're just being butthurt to be butthurt.
In fact, I'm not sure you can even claim "what would ______ do" is a valid slogan for something because it's a perfectly rational question people ask themselves constantly.
Like when I'm filling out this job application I ask "what would my father do?" because he's an expert at this kind of bullshit. I don't say "what did Jesus have to say about bureaucracy?"
Fucking Christ you people need to cool it.

2)Hmm. Question's worded kind of poorly, valeriaanne. It kinda assumes that everybody would want to be someone else and would jump on the chance. Maybe a better way to word it would be, "If you have the opportunity to be someone else for one week, would you do it, and if so, who would you be?"

LOOK IF THE QUESTION IS SO OFFENSIVE AND POORLY WORDED WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING IT?
It's like when people in my LS are asking for the thousandth time where the new swimsuit event is. Too lazy to look at the patch notes? Well fuck you, I'm not answering your question.
I just don't say anything.

I'm afraid I wouldn't go for it. I'd rather just be myself.

After all that shit you were slinging you don't even have an interesting answer.
OH MY GOOOOD.

Who are your favorite television or movie villains? What makes them so deliciously evil?

Darth Vader. In less than five minutes after being introduced to him he's strangling someone.
Five minutes into watching Luke he's already whining. Han Solo is a smug motherfucker and Princess Leia is useless as always.
Darth Vader is a man who gets shit done.

This question seems to make unfounded assumptions and generalizations that everyone fangirls/boys out on media villains. Which is not the case.

A better wording would maybe be, "Do you have favorite television or movie villains? What do you like about them?"

I don't do 'deliciously evil', thanks.

I STAND FOR GODLINESS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS and blow it out your ass, Jesus.

Which song gives you goosebumps? Good or bad-- tell us why.

I was listening to some shitty local radio and this banshee named Adele turned my spine to broken glass with one of her songs. I think I was lucky to come out with my life on that one because as you know, once you hear the howl of the banshee you're already dead.

None. I guess music doesn't affect me that way.

What, are you a fucking android? You appear to have no emotions.
Ha, ha ha-- in fact, looking at her "current mood" thing it's general statements of being like "awake" or "drained" which a fucking electronic device could tell you that but tellingly her most common emotional state is "blank".
ASSAULT CANNONS TO ON POSITION.

Sure, the pros are obvious—but what are the cons of having a friend with benefits?

Oh look, it's this shit again.
I'm sure Our Martyred Lady has much to say on the matter.

I deny the existence of any pros to such a relationship. They're lazy, selfish, deceptive, and damaging.

The only one of these that's not unproven nonsense is lazy. They are a bit lazy, I'm not gonna lie.
In fact one could make an easy argument that they're the opposite of deceptive: they're brutally honest. Two people just want to fuck and don't want to build a relationship out of what boils down to carnal feelings only.
Damaging perhaps but not necessarily--
Selfish, I don't see how. Both parties gain from the arrangement I assume--
No, I think you're just wrong on this one.

There are no 'obvious pros' that I can see. It's just a pair of people who want to be pervs while still being able to go play the game with anyone else they want. Because they're not together! They're just 'friends with benefits'. *snort*

Besides the obvious fear of something you don't understand (human emotion) and the incredulous emotion that I believe hinges on jealousy I have yet to hear one compelling argument against this arrangement.

This question reeks with assumption. The assumption that everyone will think the same way you do, and very many don't.

To undertake our crusade is to be immortal.

Which book would you want to see turned into a videogame?

So I spent a lot of time thinking about this question recently and the only correct answer is The Odyssey.

This question has a lot of assumption in its wording. I think there are probably many people who have no interest in video games, much less turning them into books.

Yeah I have a question for you. Why are you such a cunt?

However, I am a nerd. So I do. I think I'd like a nice puzzle and level game based on 'Hind's Feet in High Places' by Hanna Hurnard. One where players could make their own custom character, and then meet with obstacles and answer Bible trivia questions on their way up through the levels. I'd have fun with that game.

That sounds like the least fun you can have and still call it a game.
Here, let me show you what makes a fun video game session:
First you get swimsuits for a DBG:
And then you put on your warface and punch demons:


If you notice the demon is so large you can barely see poor Edie.
Not pictured: LS leader yelling at me that I shouldn't be engaging Batraal (the demon)
HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MY NEED TO ENGAGE IN GLORIOUS HAND TO HAND COMBAT.
Also unpictured: me getting yelled at because I couldn't provoke 5 Purgatory Knights at once.
Toolbag.
WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT THE MAGES TO GET KILLED BY THE PURGATORY KNIGHTS TELL THEM TO FUCKING MOVE BEFORE THEY GET GRAVE REELED.
I CAN'T SAVE THEM FROM THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE. I HAD THREE OF THE FOUR AND THE LAST WAS FIGHTING ONE OF OUR ARCHERS.
We lost that fight, unfortunately. I blame a decided lack of zeal in this great undertaking.
But seriously we had three Japanese people as our healers and our glorious leader refused to stop using internet shorthand so bad I, a master of the English language, could barely understand.
Needless to say our friends from across the world had more difficulty than I and stopping in a harshly timed fight with demons and the undead to translate from idiot to English in my own mind before switching my input to Japanese and translating for them (or wrestling the shitty auto-translator) wasn't really a viable option.
Also I don't like to advertise the fact I can translate for them because I don't like to represent idiocy. I feel it reflects poorly on me.
Oh right, back to this.
Number of good games where DBGs fight demons: LOADS
Number of good games featuring Bible trivia: 0

What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

Yojimbo and there were several American remakes.
The best of which is the awesome Fistful of Dollars, in fact.
Oh yeah, a movie so awesome Clint Eastwood is in the American remake.
Take that, shitty American remake of shitty Japanese horror movies.
Then later there was a remake starring Bruce Willis but we don't talk about that.
Yeah, how about that, actually. A movie so badass the only people you can cast in the remakes are Clint Eastwood and Bruce Willis.
Basically the greatest story ever told, not gonna lie.

Not everyone has a favorite foreign film. Maybe a better way to word this would be, "Do you have a favorite foreign film? If you do, do you think there should be an American remake?"

If you don't have a favorite foreign film you haven't seen Yojimbo and therefore your opinion on movies is invalid.

What’s your favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and why?

Mazes and Monsters.
Mazes and Monsters--
Tom Hanks' first acting role, in fact. He plays a man that loses his mind over a Dungeons and Dragons game and thinks he is his Dungeons and Dragons character.
Because as we all know engaging in the "far out theater of the mind" that is Dungeons and Dragons is akin to selling your soul to the devil.
And before you think I'm making an elaborate joke I'm dead fucking serious.
Also if you're under the mistaken impression that Tom Hanks can act I suggest watching this movie.

Not everyone has a favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and you know what they say about assuming. Maybe a better wording would be, "Do you have a favorite Tom Hanks movie or character? If so, which and why?"

You know this is somehow more tedious than Victorgreywolf's (why can't I stop talking about this guy) token response of "your mother's crotch".

I... can barely remember any of his movies or characters. He's in the start of 'Buzz Lightyear of Star Command', but I like that for Buzz, not for Woody. Um...

So here's a thought for you. You don't like the question and you don't have a proper response.
DON'T FUCKING ANSWER IT YOU STUPID CUNT.

What kind of spiritual or meditative practice keeps you feeling zen?

I like to recite lines from Warhammer, regardless of how much sense they make out of context.
They fill the AIR with BLAAAAAAAAAAADES!

I don't do zen.

IT'S A TURN OF PHRASE YOU STUPID CUNT. WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP YOURSELF BALANCED?
Which when it comes to you I'm guessing defrag your hard drive because there's no way you're thinking with squishy human bits.
Bits of gold and lead for you, all the way.

If you're using the term figuratively rather than assumptively, though, I keep my peace of mind by talking to the God of the Bible and reading and thinking about said Bible, remembering all the things I have to feel thankful for (it's a big list), and trying to let God do His will through me (doing good stuff, but not for Brownie points).

His will be done.
The Emperor of Man, that is.
Also I'm pretty sure this is the logic used to undertake all the crusades.
In fact Pope Leo X I believe it was even has this awesome speech that boils down to "The Bible says 'vengeance is mine' but what's to say the good Lord isn't working his vengeance through us?"
Ooooooh goodness. Anyway this entry has banged on long enough and it's barely about this blogger in the first place.
Anyway have fun being an android.