Are you serious?
Let's discuss this layout briefly, shall we?
I don't have the largest monitor in the world, I'll admit, but my resolution is currently 1920 x 1080. That is about three times larger than the 1990s CRT monitors.
And yet somehow I can't shake the feeling that fully half of my screen real estate is devoted to a picture of some anime girl, and another 45% is devoted to absolutely nothing at all, leaving the text itself on a narrow strip about as wide as an iPod screen.
I counted the number of words on each line for two posts and the highest number was six.
SIX FUCKING WORDS ON A LINE.
THAT WOULD BE LIKE IF EVERY SINGLE LINE IN THIS BLOG WAS THE LENGTH OF THE LINE ABOVE.
But that's okay you might argue (if you have brain damage) as long as the content is good.
... I actually haven't read the content but with a presentation like this I'm prepared to be so not surprised I'm almost surprised again.
Where is your happiest place on earth?
After looking at this blog the concept of happiness is so far beyond me I can't even remember what that emotion feels like anymore.
Oh let's guess what his answer will be. I'm guessing it's going to be some sort of Dragonball Z/Sailor Moon-esque thing about FIGHTING FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY but whereas Dragonball Z will at least promise violence or some sort of resolution to the plot this'll just be boring.
Anywhere with close friends and family. I also love being under the blue skies. Blue skies, with or without clouds (as long as they're white and puffy, not rain clouds) is good too.
I really feel so empowered by the sky. Unlimited possibilities, infinite realities.
Thank you.
AND THIS IS A SUPER SAIYAN.
Jesus Christ.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten (and want to share with other LJ users)?
I don't remember the advice I gave last time but I have new advice: pick a layout that doesn't make me want to vomit blood.
Best advice is. To remember who you are. And when you've forgotten or lost your way, your friends are there to bring you back to reality.
I keep looking at the anime girl to the right after every sentence and I can't shake the feeling she's preaching at me in some video game (possibly Final Fantasy). This is the most cliche, trite bullshit I've ever read this makes Final Fantasy XIII (that game which shall go unnamed) look good by comparison.
And your friends are awesome, but you must've done something amazing to earn those awesome friends. People don't just become your friends for no reason. YOU did something awesome.
I'd like to point out this sentence in his blog was seven lines. It's only three in mine after block quoting. This is ridiculous and this guy should probably be drawn and quartered for it.
Also you'll notice how I say "this guy" because despite tons of evidence to the contrary I'm guessing this is a man.
In short, friends are awesome.
Oh that's the advice you're giving me? It's good to have friends?
Yeah, well, Goku taught me that it doesn't matter how strong I am as long as I have a lot of internal strength. Strength of character will let me beat Freeza.
What is your biggest regret? Did you learn from it or does it still plague you?
Spore, why?
Was that my answer last time? I don't really remember.
You know, everyone always said I would regret not going to prom. But honestly, I don't regret it at all.
Let me start responding to this question by talking about the exact opposite of what I'm supposed to be answering.
Let me tell you some more things I don't regret: putting an anime girl's picture HUGE ON THE SIDE OF MY BLOG.
Making the maximum number of words that can fit on a line six.
Writing dumb boring bullshit.
Being an enormous cunt.
All of these things I have no regret from.
I do have a few regrets, and I am not sure what I regret the most.
I'd like to change my regret: your mother didn't have you aborted.
That is the greatest tragedy in my life.
I regret not asking out this girl who was in my summer PE class 2-3 years ago.
Hmm. Wasn't that the last guy's regret, too?
Except his was like 10 years ago so you are only 20-30% as pathetic.
Heck. I don't even remember her name, because I had given her a nickname ("Dandelion").
Didn't know her name.
So that begs the question: did you talk to her or did you just stare at her longingly in a way that made her uncomfortable?
We may never know or care.
I regret not trying harder in High School as well. Some of that was being naive, other was being scared. I regret being so scared. I wish I was stronger then, more command, more confident and more assertive.
Well if you remember back to DBZ again, Gohan--
he was a scared little boy, but then he learned to fight for things he believed in I guess.
Seriously all the lessons I should be learning from this blog read like DBZ episodes.
So here's an log of a conversation he had over AIM or Skype and I it basically confirms my suspicions that he's a man.
As you may know I usually have a ban on all IM logs for being a waste of time but this also reads like it's from a romantic comedy to the point where I suspect I'm not actually dealing with a human being in this blog but a super computer that generates blog responses based on an aggregate of all other media.
Here's the preface:
She's definitely interested in someone else. Going to visit him at Disney World for a week or two.
AWWWWW.
Also apparently this guy missed the writing on the wall hard enough to not realize this girl has a relationship SERIOUS ENOUGH FOR HIM TO TAKE HER TO DISNEY WORLD.
Either that or fucking bitches is way harder now that it used to be, good grief.
[11:03:32 PM] Nice Girl: I really hope that we can stay friends, I enjoy being with you and doing things with you.
Translation: you are really creepy and I never want to see you again but I'm afraid telling you this outright would cause you to go into a jealous, berserker rage.
[11:03:41 PM] Nice Girl: That was never the issue.
This is literally the next line after the one previous which leads me to believe there's a missing line that might cast our boy in a less-than-flattering light.
Bro: asking her to dress up in the fursuit you made her so you can have an ungreased backdoor slam session = bad move for a first date.
[11:03:57 PM] Nice Girl: Hopefully the same thing that applied with her, can work with me..if you'd like.
Translation: all girls are basically the same in that most don't want to dress up in fursuits.
[11:04:16 PM] Me: Wait, what was the issue =p
[11:05:06 PM] Nice Girl: Things just got too serious, too quickly. It felt like you expected more of me than what I was and it just felt..I don't know how to explain it.
See above.
[11:05:20 PM] Nice Girl: It's nothing wrong with you, so don't think that.
[11:05:40 PM] Nice Girl: You were nothing but good and sweet and caring. I attribute no fault to you.
Translation: this is entirely your fault and you were incredibly overbearing and creepy for a girl you didn't know that well, all things considered. I'm letting you down gently before I discover you have hair samples and photographs of me on the toilet.
[11:09:43 PM] Nice Girl: And so are you..obviously since you're being so kind and good about this.
[11:09:59 PM] Nice Girl: I never wanted to hurt you, and I know you'll find someone who is right and perfect for you.
Again I get the impression this document has been heavily censored for our (his) protection.
What prompted the "and so are you..." comment? I don't know because according to the information provided that line follows after her previous comment of "I attribute no fault to you."
Which is an awkward grammatical construct if I'm being perfectly honest. It sounds like a legal document which leads me to believe she's choosing her words with greater care than she wants to let on.
[11:11:16 PM] Me: Already did, I was just too average. =)
Oh, gag.
She's giving you your walking papers, bro. Get angry. Bitches don't like a pushover.
I don't know if it is fact or not, but it's my feeling the girl I've been talking about is interested in someone else.
Gee, I wonder.
You know a trip to Disney World (unless you happen to live nearby which considering it's a two week vacation I'm guessing no) usually takes a lot of planning and forethought and I'm guessing this guy didn't just happen to buy two tickets in case the girlfriend thing happened to work out--
I think she's been playing you for a chump, man.
Anyways. I know what I must do. But there is just this empty feeling in me. The feeling of a vast void. That is what I don't know how to deal with. How do I overcome this void? How do I stop feeling empty? How do I forget about her? How will I replace the emptiness/her?
MASTER ROSHI? HOW DO I DEAL WITH THE PAIN?
To top it off, I feel sad and depressed. And I genuinely don't know what I like or what to do to make me happy.
I don't know what I like.
HELP.
You know having a little spine and conviction will help prevent this feeling.
I realized, I really don't know what makes me happy.
Over the past few weeks, it was the girl who made me happy.
Shut up.
IT WAS A FEW WEEKS AGO. WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU WERE HAPPY A FEW WEEKS AGO?
He's talking like an old man in his 90s who just lost his wife of 65 years. "I don't remember what it was like without her. We met during The War--" then he dies a few weeks later and a nice human interest story is written in the paper and you say "awww they really loved each other" but THIS JUST READS LIKE SOME CHUCKLEFUCK BEING CREEPY.
But that's unhealthy. I should not have relied on her so much to begin with. But she literally did sweep me off of my feet.
FUCK.
MEN DON'T GET SWEPT OFF THEIR FEET. THEY DO THE SWEEPING.
HAVEN'T YOU SEEN DRAGONBALL Z?
I THINK IF YOU HAD YOU'D KNOW MORE ABOUT ACTING LIKE A MAN THAN THIS.
Seriously there's even an entire filler arc where loser gets girlfriend, realizes she's a cunt and ditches her only to hook up with a better chick later.
All significant life's lessons that you should have learned from your parents can, in fact, be learned from a children's TV show.
You're clearly an anime fan, there's no reason you shouldn't know this shit.
In fact, strong argument for being a loser comes from DBZ.
Goku, uncontested strongest being in the entire universe totally pussy wiped by his banshee wife. Why? Married her when he was 17.
Loser waits and hooks up with a robot chick who can cook.
FAGGOT: WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE OLDER.
Speaking of: there's this video game called Catherine (I don't own it, long story about how I know this) and there's a series of polls it asks you throughout the game (apparently) and then it keeps tally against your friends (not that you have friends because you bought an Atlus game but you get my meaning) and against all other people that own the game.
One of the questions is "would you marry the perfect girl if she were a robot?" and more people said no than yes.
This is entirely baffling to me on numerous levels but I have to assume when they said "robot" people think Gundam robot and not a robot made to look like a hot chick which suggests you people have a clinical lack of imagination.
I'd even go so far as to say were it possible being a robot would be preferential to her being human.
OH YEAH.
And so after four weeks, it appears our relationship has ended.
Things just moved too fast and spun too out of control for both of us. I want to write about this, but I don't know where to start.
I feel a song coming on for some reason.
With her sweeping my off my feet and going through my guards and walls? Or with us basically going so fast and ending up crashing and burning.
Let the bitch disarm you?
I'm pretty sure that was grounds for decimation in the Roman Legions.
Oh yeah, you've never heard of decimation in the proper Roman sense?
So a group of dudes fucks up and they have to draw lots. It's set up so 1 lot in 10 is a loser (deci-) and that person gets stoned to death (-mation). Leadership executed separately.
THE PRICE FOR COWARDICE IS HIGH IN THE ROMAN LEGIONS.
I feel like this entry has been even more off topic than usual what with me talking about Dragonball Z and a video game I don't even own and the Roman Legions-- basically anything except this boring, vaguely creepy nonsense.
You know how sometimes I advocate going outside and interacting with people as a solution to these losers' problems (ironic advice coming from me I assure you)? This is the first time I think the guy should probably stay inside and be alone for a while.
Oh, and now I've come to the entry where this whole business starts. Let's get some closure to this and then I'm promptly never speaking to another human again.
So, for some four weeks or so I've been crushing on this girl. I mean I've really fallen for her. We use to talk constantly. She use to want to talk constantly and I allowed her.
All right fellow grammarians: what verb tense is "we use to talk"?
Sure others might have thought it was clingy behavior, but I liked it and reciprocated it.
When the term "clingy behavior" and "I liked it and reciprocated it" there should have been an air raid siren going off in your head, that's how loud this warning was.
Of course, while it's understandable, it makes me sad. And I am torn. I am torn between being understanding and being sad. I really, really like this girl, and there are a lot of amazing qualities between us. She just drives me crazy with all these thoughts and my desires to want to be with her, to hear her voice, to be with her presence.
Hopefully your driving desire isn't to make a girl suit out of her.
Unfortunately I suspect that is your driving desire and when she says she's going to Disney World with her new boyfriend she really means she's working closely with the FBI to capture a serial killer and is promptly joining the witness protection program.
I think she's absolutely glowing, radiating and stunning. She's definitely motivated me like no one else ever has. I love being around her.
I don't know why but suddenly I'm reminded of Dawn of War II when you teleport a tactical squad in sometimes their line is "WE WALK WITH DEATH."
Just a weird thing I think about sometimes.
Hoooo boy. This guy. The hits keep rolling. Next up: WORLD OF WARCRAFT DRAMA OH NO!
But because this entry has already banged on long enough I think I might return to this loser Wednesday.
Or maybe not, I'll have to see if this blog is tapped out.
But hey, returning to him Wednesday would prove I've shown more loyalty than his girlfriend.
HAW HAW HAW.
No comments:
Post a Comment