Reef Blastbody

It took me a long time today to find a blog even worth reviewing. I had quite a few false starts, though, where I'd read an entry and say "oh this'll be good" but then that's the only entry.
Never fear, though, because I found this.

Is there any song that reminds you so much of an ex-partner that you can't stand to hear it? Details, please.

This is the politest Writer's Block ever. Details, PLEASE. Well that really helped people be as vague and opaque as they always are.

Yes.
I Can't Be With You by the Cranberries.
Also, Pretty Eyes by the Cranberries
Also, Linger by the Cranberries
Also, When You're Gone by the Cranberries.

Who?

Basically, listening to the Cranberries= memories to make me start missing my ex.

But it's also hard to listen to Street Spirit, by Radiohead.

Oh, Radiohead.
Anyone remember that really shitty band-- oh man, what was it?
They had the worst video about this girl being misunderstood and then she's standing in the bathroom and her WRISTS ARE BLEEDING BLACK OH NO--
oh I'm thinking of Linkin Park.
Ha, ha wow. I don't know why I thought this was the work of someone else.

Today and tonight, I ate too much! D:

I mean, in the morning I had a piece of toast and an egg and for lunch, I had a salad with romaine and a black bean burger, but then for dinner I had a burger with a white bun, some mac and cheese with white pasta, and some potato salad. We also got honey roasted peanuts and animal cookies and granola bars. So I ended up having a granola bar with milk, about a 1/4 cup of peanuts, and like 8 or 9 animal cookies!

Sounds like food for three days to me.

This is so immature. But I need someplace where I can just have some alone time.
And cry.

Mood: apathetic.
Isn't the internet so much better with Livejournal?

Defeatist attitude. My father told me that I had one and gave me no ideas of how to fix it.
Which makes me want to give up.

Oh God I hate people my age so fucking much.
THE ANSWER ISN'T EASY OR INSTANT GRATIFICATION I QUIT. ALSO IT WASN'T GIVEN TO ME.
Holy shit I hope you fucking die in abject poverty.

Thus, the attitude is exemplified.
How strange.

Yeah, here's how you do it: you stop acting like a goddamn pussy.

I'm done with this constant fear, discomfort and disgust with myself.

But I've said that before.
What got me through?

Oh good it's one of these. Where we sit in introspect at what a tortured soul you are and meanwhile no one but you has any clue what the fuck you're droning on about.
I've also conclusively proved in these past 3 years that you cannot wish someone dead because if you could I'd be in prison.

Probably fear. Probably cowardice. I wouldn't know what would happen to me after I died. I wouldn't know how to go about offing myself.

I know a few painless ways if you'll just promise to do it.

Look at me, using big words. Haha, I must be smart. I must think I am.

Big words?
What, cowardice?
Exemplified?
Wow your 6th grade English teacher must be very proud.

But no, I'm not.
If I were, wouldn't I have more to contribute?

That's a great point.
Wait, no it isn't.

Someone other than myself could contribute so much more to the world. To their trade. To their university. To their society. To their family and their circle of friends.

I bet your friends hate you.
There's this one guy in my FFXIV Linkshell who reminds me a lot of you and I always think whenever I see him on "oh God please let him just be quiet today."

In conversation. In innovation. In invention. In intuition and wit.

Confidence is key. That's a true cliche that is awakening in my mind. My mind is awakening to the idea.
Confidence is what makes the individual thrive. Confidence is what the individuals that make up groups thrive off of, making the group thrive.
Confidence is life.

Confidence, for me, is always in flux.
More big words.

What, flux? Intuition?
These are concepts I'd expect any 9th grader to know.
Yes, even the kids at my horrible high school could probably define flux.
... Actually no let me recant that.
So I'd expect any... 11th grader with a reasonable educational background to define that word.

Do I really know what they mean or am I just doing it like the parrots do? That wouldn't say much. That wouldn't help my confidence levels. Already dangerously low.

Why is it that I can't just find a glowing exit sign and stroll out of here? The idea of being trapped, in a physical state, deeply affects me in an emotional sense.
It creates a kind of prison in an emotional state. I'll be locked inside of this dark place, escape from some radical earthquake, like Peter or Paul or Simon or whomever in the Bible,

Job is the name you're looking for.
Peter and Simon might work-- Paul not so much.

and I won't have any clue of why the bars have been broken and I'm suddenly free. So, when I am thrust back into that emotional prison, I don't know how to escape by my own devices.
What's happening?

Does anyone seriously have any clue what's going on here? I haven't cut any of this out, I promise.

Today, I started getting a handle on my eating, exercise and meditation habits. It helped lots.
I felt sort of bad in the morning. The night before, I ended up drinking some. I was kind of upset about a couple of pictures that I saw on a friend's facebook, because I get upset way too easily. So, I just sort of had that in the back of my mind whilst drinking.
I didn't really feel it until the morning. It wasn't a bad hangover, but long story short, I ate carbs to help.

Carbs and water are the best hangover aid.

Something I discovered today is that my senses are very much heightened directly after meditating. I meditated on the back porch for thirty minutes. It was a great feeling.

Fat loser here finds she becomes Daredevil after meditating.

I came back inside, did dishes, which was also therapeutic, and then worked out for thirty to fourty-five minutes. I ran on the elliptical for twenty minutes and did floor thigh, hip, and butt exercises.

WORK THEM KEGEL MUSCLES (had to look up how to spell that for the first time in Edie Finds a Corpse history) ALL THE BOYS WILL LOOOOOOVE YOU NOW.

I made sure to keep up on my water intake.

When I craved something sweet, I made myself the SB vanilla coffee milk and was satisfied.

Mmmm I love being skinny. Big bag of Swedish Fish right here I can eat whenever the fuck I feel like.
Four in the morning and it's Swedish Fish time?
AWWWW YEAH I CAN DO THIS SHIT.

We bought yogurt, whole wheat bread, romaine lettuce and carrots today, so there are lots of healthy options in the fridge again! I was strong today, considering that most of what we had was carbs.

My strong girl.
Temperance is a virtue, you know.
And by "temperance" I mean more as a synonym for "fortitude" than what it came to mean to mean later.

I'm talking to a really cute girl on OKCupid and I'm excited about eventually meeting her! Using that site has made me feel a bit better about myself, though it also adds a little bit of pressure. But at least it is the summer, when I will have time for self-improvement!

Oh so you're a lesbian.
RIGHT?
RIIIIIIIIIGHT?
OR YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR A FRIEND?

So, I'm not //exactly// seeing this as a failure, because I'm becoming motivated to get on track for healthy eating again.
Part of my motivation is to keep the ability to fit into the cute clothes that I brought with me to Maryland. Cute light-colored short-shorts and skinny jeans, and the like.

This has to be a girl, right? Cute clothes, I mean really?

Another part of my motivation is the online dating site that I've just joined. I created an account on OKCupid.com, looking for a girl to go out with short-term while I am in Jacksonville, or maybe even someone to show me around Maryland, while I'm here. We'll see, but either way, I would like to look my best and feel my best while exploring new romance.

Hooo-boy, Maryland. Well we have the-- well, there's the Target, and then there's the grocery store, and then we have a BIG EMPTY FIELD-- and that's about it.

Anyways, I leave for Maryland on Tuesday. I can't wait to see my sister again. I'm nervous, because I feel like, for some reason, parts of me are always fluctuating- my weight, my ability to sing and speak loudly, my anxiety-levels, my confidence- and I'm hoping for some stability in that area when I meet Nicki's friends.

ANYWAYS GUYS
ANYWAYS I'M JUST GOING TO THE PIMPLE ON THE UNITED STATE'S ASS
ANYWAYS I'M GOING TO GET A LOT OF PITY POINTS FROM THE POOR SOULS TRAPPED IN THAT GRAY MONOTONOUS HELLHOLE
ANYWAYS I CAN'T WAIT TO EXPERIENCE A MERGER LANE IN MARYLAND WHICH MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD THEY'RE SO SHORT.

They will be who I will be seeing for the next couple of months, so I hope to make a decent impression and get along with them well. I really don't want to give off the hurt-puppy-needing-pity-and-friendliness vibe.

Just listen to this song in its entirety. It's only 2 minutes and it'll steel you towards pretty much any emotion you can possibly feel.

I want him back so badly.
Looking back at old pictures. Like the one from homecoming last year... We look so happy.
I was getting there.

I want so much to give it another try.

It hurts so bad. I'm not PMSing. It's not too late to be getting overemotional.

Sorry I just took my own advice.
I can't even be angry at you anymore.

I feel like I'm a fifteen year old boy.

I crush way too easily.

I need to come up with some kind of list of attributes that I'm looking for in a potential relationship.

Barometer for a relationship:
"favorite Billy Idol song?"
"Who's that?"
KEEP FUCKING WALKING.

I can't just decide to like every girl or guy I see. Mostly, it's girls though. I don't know if it's because UWF has so many pretty girls on campus. I've been noticing that, lately.
Just going through the commons, every girl I happened to spot while kind of being on the lookout for cute girls was either really pretty or really, really cute.

Last time I went to "the commons" on my campus my only thought was "wow look at all these hipster bitches" followed very shortly by "I am so beyond this bullshit now."

And that's a bit depressing, as a girl, too.

Also followed on the heels by "if these girls didn't dress like they fell into a donation bin in front of Goodwill some of them might actually be kind of cute, even if they are bitchy white girls."

I don't feel like I'm stylish or peppy or beautiful or proud enough to even be noticed by them.

We should all be so lucky to evade their auspices. Every time I've had to speak to one of these poor, misguided creatures it was an unpleasant experience in the extreme.

I wish I could work on this, and I felt like Ryan was helping this, but now I've lost Ryan (which is good because he was really oppressive), and so I almost feel like I'm losing some confidence, too.
But I'm not gorging or anything. I'm exercising and watching what I eat, so I won't feel even more resentful of myself.

Resent is a powerful emotion.
Suddenly I feel like a fucking Sith Lord giving advice.
USE YOUR HATE AS A WEAPON YOUNG JEDI.

If not a girlfriend, I'd like to just have some more girl friends. I wonder if I would come across as flirtatious to them, too, eventually. I know that I sometimes do with Casey.
Maybe that is why I push away straight female friends.

Is there anyone more annoying than a bisexual?
Not to be rude but I've met a lot of straight people who were cool, I've met a lot of gay people who were cool but every bisexual I've met has been a flaming asshole or a raging lunatic.

I'm just speculating. But I need to jump to action about a couple of things.

1) I really need to work on my confidence and anxiety problems.
2) I really need to figure out what I want in a guy or girl.

I'd give you the advice I usually give people but to be honest I can't really tell what your gender is because the very next post is entitled "Manchild" and I'm not sure if this is self-applied or not.
ESPECIALLY SINCE THE ONLY TEXT IN THIS POST IS "BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER" which is a disorder that affects mostly women, I think.
I am supposed to be denying myself today.

That's what I learned last night at the BCM worship meeting.
I don't know if finally livejournaling my feelings is focusing too much on myself and "feeding my old self".
Hopefully I can get away with one entry. I mostly want to talk about what happened at the meeting last night.

Oh good, just what I needed from this blog: religious melodrama.
DID YOU LISTEN TO THAT SONG I SENT YOU?

I'm not going to make up any bullshit about feeling "saved" or "feeling the Holy Spirit entering me" or anything, because I know that I already am saved, and the Holy Spirit is already in me.

Too bad it's not the staff of Zeus on your fucking face.
And then I felt myself completely let go and it was almost kind of scary because I really couldn't control it.

I started to cry, but kept a straight face because there was also this intense calm feeling in me.
Before the song ended, I was able to wipe my eyes and gain control, though, but when it was happening, it was a really strange feeling.
I don't remember having felt something like that ever before. Maybe in a really sad movie. That was kind of the feeling.

Oh God.
Ha, literally: "Oh God!"

Despite my confusion, I want to believe and grow in my beliefs.

This is why it's pointless and dumb to argue with the religious.

I am curious as to what they might tell me about homosexuality, abstinence and such. I've been trying to do my own research but when I look at the other side of the argument (as in the Biblical one) I just find myself getting disgusted and frustrated and confused...

Great.
Blargh I just burped and tasted acid. That is completely what this blog does to you.
In fact that is the best review I can ever give of this blog: stomach acid burp.
Oh man it's even the beginning of this blog. It is truly the Holy Ghost entering me and telling me what to write.

Let's update once a week

AND ONLY ONCE A WEEK FROM NOW ON. :C
No I've been busy lately with things that somehow aren't the vidya lately and coincidentally on both Monday and Wednesday of this week have been especially trying.
Anyway enough of that: as the Orks in Warhammer say, 'ere we go.
Come to think of it, Orks don't really say that so much as one book about Orks in 1988 was named that.

So for extra credit, my teacher wanted us to memorize the first 25 digits of pi.

Ha, teachers and their useless extra credit memorization assignments.
I'm about to assign my merry bunch a chance at extra credit if they memorize all the prepositions.
The difference is none of them will do it because there's, like, a million of them, man! WHAT MIND COULD POSSIBLY RETAIN THIS MUCH INFORMATION?
I'd be willing to recoup two entire test grades if they do it. That's how confident I am that it'll never happen.

Since I have an insanely good memory I thought I should give if a try. I spend a few minutes all week attempting to commit the digits to memory.

It's 25 fucking numbers. What, are you a goldfish? I could memorize the first 25 digits in an hour.

I was sure I had it down until I went to recite it to my teacher. It was all good until I got to about the 17th digit and my mind went blank. I couldn't remember those last 8 digits no matter what I did. So I didn't get any extra. I really needed it too... :[ And the moment I sat down at my desk I was able to remember everything.

>Insanely good
>can't retain 25 numbers
Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe I just assumed people can visualize shit they read and can remember basic information when it's arranged in an easy to remember way, but I guess not.
Since pi is not a rational number and therefore there's no pattern to memorize I'd probably look into mnemonics but that's just me.

Clearly I have a pressure problem. That makes me kinda scared to do my solo at Cabaret. >_<>
MAYBE, I DUNNO. DEFINITELY NOT SOMETHING TO INVESTIGATE.

What was the worst significant purchase you ever made, and why?

Hmmmmm.
Xbox 360 or my last computer, probably. That's what I get for buying prebuilt, I suppose.
BUT NOW I HAVE BUILT A TITAN.

Hmm... Well, I spent $1000 dollars on a keyboard I barely ever play. :P

I can't believe I didn't take that computer back the second I got it out of the box. It failed to boot the first time I turned it on. I had to reformat. Shouldn't that have been an indication of future trouble?
Oh, also it overheated playing FFXI. I know SE can't program worth a goddamn and the game was ridiculously processor intensive for something that old but come the fuck on.
Well I guess it works out regardless because I ended up needing to upgrade to play FFXIV but that game has FALLEN INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN NOW GREAT.

There's been alot of negative energy and occurences in my town lately.

Negative energy--
so speaking of because FFXIV is down for at least one week I decided to give this RIFT game a try.
It's pretty fucking good. I was worried it'd be too much like WoW and I just threw 40 bucks away and admittedly the game play is pretty much a carbon copy of WoW's but the shit around it is way fucking cooler. The sides are more interesting-- the graphics don't look like puke-- the game doesn't treat you like a mentally handicapped child-- yeah, it's all pretty good.

Last week there was a shooting. My best friend and I drove past it and we could feel the hate and terror in the air.

What the fuck are you, a demon of Chaos? You can't really see, so you just read the channels of psychic energy and look for the leak of mortal corruption?

There was something wrong going on that day.

I don't even know what Warhammer quote to use in this situation.

I can tell that this negative energy is only going to get worse. I just hope that it doesn't have any affect on me or anyone I love.

Sounds like cultist activity to me. Stay where you are: a purgation squad has been dispatched.

Compared to yesterday, today has been easy as pie. I was able to finish my essay and turn it in so hopefully I got an A this time.

The only easy day was yesterday.

But you never know. My teacher is kinda crazy. Anyways, speaking of teachers. I'd like to talk about my math teacher. He's a really nice guy, but I hate how he calls on me randomly and expects me to know the answer when he asks it.

Hey idiot: we already know the 5 students who participate know it. Gotta make sure the rest of you miserable lot knows it.

Now everyone thinks I'm stupid because I don't get problems right when I'm under pressure, Its rather unnerving. And it doesn't help that this new kid showed up in the class and I feel a strange connection to him.

Ruh-roh.

I can't really describe it. He's not very attractive and he's such a nerd, yet I really want to get to know him. I'm still trying to figure out why.

Run, friend!
There is no cowardice in a strategic withdrawal!

I had a straight guy and a gay guy fighting over me today! it was so funny. They both wanted me to walk with them.

The part she's not telling you: they each wanted the other guy to take her.

I ended up walking with Keith because I never see him. He told me that his girlfriend got jealous of me because I hugged him today.

But if she's walking with a friend who happens to be a guy and he hugs her then you're clearly overreacting and too possessive.
BROS, LISTEN: DO NOT LOOK TO YOUR OWN HOME AREA FOR WOMEN.
Think of it like this: when looking for a chick do you look right in your own household? Of course not, that'd be creepy.
NO DIFFERENT.

That kinda made me feel powerful and full of awe at the same time. I've never had another girl jealous of me before. I'm not skinny, pretty, or very smart so its really cool to know that someone actually thinks I'm competition.

PETTINESS KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES.

Not that I would ever date a freshman, but still. That thought boosted my self esteem alot. Enough about school.

Yeah enough of that bullshit.

Its mostly because of school and homework. When I'm not working, I'm hanging out with my friends.

When I'm not working I'm preparing for the next day (or playing RIFT but officially just preparing for the next day)
VICTORY IS BUT A PRELUDE TO THE NEXT BATTLE.

Meet my Mom and Dad. They seem like the good, middle class, hardworking Americans. They provide and care for their children.

But they're really crab aliens OH NO.

They have family that supports them and people who love them. This is a misconception. No one really knows what they are like.

Because they're aliens, honest!

Meet me. I'm your average 17 year old girl trying to enjoy her senior year in high school. I play piano, sing well, write novels and get average grades; A's, B's and C's. I don't do drugs, smoke, have sex or do anything that stupid teenagers of this century do.

Sex was invented 11 years ago.
Teenagers in the 90s? No sex.

Yet, my parents act like I'm the most useless human being on the face of the Earth.

Well you are. You're 17.

And this is where people don't believe me. They think that my parents are doing a good job raising me. If only they knew how my parents really are.

Seems like they're doing fine. I mean you are a cunt but what's to be expected?
It's as I've said: common birth, common man.

My Dad just spent the last five minutes yelling at me for eating ice cream. This is because he thinks I'm "fat" because I don't exercise everyday. I'm 5'7" and I weigh 140 pounds.

5'7" and 140-- I mean I'm taller than you and I weigh less but I am skeletal.
You could probably stand to lose a couple pounds, honestly.

My Dad acts like I have all the time in the world to exercise and I should've done it 5 hours ago. I've been working on school projects all night. I did the same last night. My Mom checked my grades online and I had 3 C's and 2 D's. I told her that I brought them up since then but she won't believe me.

If there is one thing I've learned about interacting with teenagers it's that they are all cocksucking liars and are horrible liars to boot.

I've gotten a 100 on every assignment and done every homework paper assigned this week.

Well this should be real easy to sort out. Show me the proof.

And yet I'm still being punished this weekend. They expect me to spend all weekend studying for finals next week. As if I'm going to do that crap.

I thought you were an A/B/C student. Let me tell you: A students study for their fucking finals.
Except I never did but then again I knew by 17 that "anyways" isn't a word.

And when I'm in another room they talk bad about me all the time because I'm not like my sisters and get straight A's and play a sport. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to change my lifestyle just to impress them.

I wonder if she even realizes how cliche her life is. Does this really happen? Do you ever deviate from the script a little? Even your deviations are accommodated by the script.

I'm going to be a musician all through and after college. I don't have book smarts. I'm good at music theory and putting beauty into writing music and language.

You will have Gen. Ed. courses-- God help you, you will have Gen. Ed.

They don't even care about my creativity. All they see are those dumb grade letters on the computer. I wish they would accept me for who I am.

I JUST WANNA BE ME.
Wow we have hit the mother load of teenage cliche.

I don't have a reason to write this. I literally have nothing to write about. I'm just really sad right now. I don't understand why. It probably has something to do with whats going to happen in the future.

... Because being from the future I already know what's going to happen.
What?

When I'm suddenly taken aback by an emotion or series of emotions, usually it means something bad is going to happen soon. I'm super weird, I know. But I just felt like typing. Its not like I can do anything else. I'm going to fail at my voice and piano lesson tomorrow because I haven't practiced at all this week.

... So practice?

All I want to do is hang out with my best friend but my parents aren't gonna let me til New Year's Eve. I know its only 2 days but Alex and I have been hanging out every day for the last week and it pains me to have no contact with her for 2 days. And no, I'm not a lesbian.

You never sound gayer than when you're saying "I'm not gay."

I just love my best friend and she needs me right now. She is having so much trouble with boys. It really makes me never want to date again.

I see where this is going. Lesbian hookup, uh-huh.

So my Dad decided that I spend too much time on facebook and since my GPA is only a 2.9, he put a password on my user account and delete facebook from my browser. The only way I can get on is if I sneak on using his computer or use facebook mobile. So now I practically have no way to contact a majority of my friends. And as if my life couldn't get any worse,

>couldn't get worse
>no longer have Facetube
I know you're a dumb cunt 17 year old girl but come on, let's not overreact.

I lost my government book so I haven't done 8 assignments in that class. The only way my dad is going to give my computer back is if my grades go up. Its so stupid because I have to wait til 6 at night or later when he lets me on the computer to do homework and sometimes I can't finish in that short of time.

Just go to a shit school and then you'll never get homework. What's the point in assigning it when it won't get done?

I want to get out of this house so bad but I don't have a job, I'm not pretty enough to get a boyfriend, and I don't have any rich relatives to pay for an apartment I could get.

Too annoying to have a boyfriend, more like.
Also yeah, not pretty enough.
Or smart enough.
You are the complete package.
Weeeell RIFT just went down for a patch so I guess it's time to finish this, but this has gone on long enough-- time to go do something else, then.
Farewell, pussies.

I'm busy

Whew sorry about missing Monday. New Pokemon games to play and such.
I'm back now, but I'm also playing some grinding games (samurai won't level itself) so I'm very busy. It's difficult being me :(
So what's today's blog about?
Heretics.

Yesterday, Renee and I celebrated the Autumn Equinox together. Admittedly, it could have gone a little better but we had both spaced on the date dealing with too much stress both from online and offline stuff, realizing only a few days in advance that the ritual date was actually here.

>stress
>online
:3

There was some brief talk about skipping it, but we decided that we couldn't pass this up for two reasons: one it was a festival of Hermes that happened to be falling on this day and there was something he had asked me to do that the energies of the day would be perfect for,

Wow Hermes tells me to do something and my response would have to be "broheim, you know I'm going to be turning into some kind of donkey or ox after this, so how about we skip it and cut to the horrific death?"

We honored our various gods, honored Dionysos as I've been feeling a need to spend some time with him lately,

k
You do know these gods don't really exist but are personifications of abstract principles, don't you?

I was going to end with a picture of a necklace I made for Dioysos yesterday, but the picture didn't come out too wonderful and so we're waiting for day light to try again. But pictures are forthcoming. :-)

Can wonderful act as an adverbial phrase? Well, whatever. After encountering the cunty followers of the Greek pantheon, I've decided they are so last Wednesday.
Mithraism is in now. Praise be to Mithras, etc.

It is apparently Invisible Illness Awareness week, and a lot of people on my friend's list have been posting about their own various struggles with such. I wasn't sure if I should participate or not, but I've been encouraged, and so here it is.

Let's analyze this. If you have an illness that's invisible is it really an illness?
By "invisible" I'm going to assume "without symptoms" because if we're just talking about illnesses that have no outward appearance then we could be talking about nearly any affliction and this entire week is silly.
Wow this is a long post. I'll quote some of it here, but you can probably skip it and cut to my summary:

The big reason why I was going to bow out was because I have no official diagnosis on any of my problems. There are of course good reasons for this. For those of you who haven't been around long enough to hear the story in detail, or have seen me hint about it but wasn't sure what I was talking about, I was abused by the mental health system and the department of social services when I was a teenager (on top of the abuse I already experienced from my parents and the school system, only ten thousand times worse). Mentally and physically abused - yes I mean physical violence and yes I mean from staff members not other patients (although that too, which always went ignored) as well as being forced to take drugs I didn't need for years (yes forced, I was threatened with violence every time I hinted I might not take it on my own).

Sure, I believe you.

So, what are my invisible illnesses? Severe anxiety, depression (not so much anymore, but not so long ago it isn't worth mentioning) and a sleep disorder, this one in particular I believe - yes I know a rare disorder I by rights should not have, and yet after ten years of it I know exactly what my symptoms are and this is the only one I have ever found that describes what is wrong with me.

Ok I've done a lot of research (on Wikipedia) and I think I found your problem. I will link it here for convenience. Now here's an entry entitled "Internet Drama" which is not only the dumbest kind of drama, but also the best kind.
Wow I am disappointed. It's dumb but also boring as fuck. OH NO THE PAGAN FORUM I BELONG TO IS MEAN TO ME! :( wow don't give a fuck and I'm not skimming 10000 posts to figure it out, either.

I am sick to fucking death of summer, of humidity, of having to keep a fucking air conditioner running at all times. Sick of having my energy drained by the heat. Sick of the dry air in the bedroom, I literally can't take that anymore.

Dry air, humidity, dry air, humidity-- okay.

If truly Hermes loves me as much as he claims, I will not have to do this again for several years. Gods I hate shopping for shoes so fucking much, I swear it just gets worse and worse each time.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

I also try to avoid going to places that force me to interact with the sales people, having run into a couple of oh so helpful ones in the past. Not the last time I had to buy shoes but the one before that, I asked the moron for a nine and a half and she was just convinced my feet could not be that big. So she gets her little foot measure thing, and oh look, says here you're a seven, I'll just go and get you a seven then (I was sixteen so I guess she thought she could talk down at me like that). And does it fit? No, of course not, much to her empty headed bafflement.

k
Amazingly, this story continues. I've never seen such butthurt over menial chores.

So I say, you going to get me that nine and a half now? Well, she does, and those fit, and again she is bewildered, but that thing said you were a seven I just don't understand!!! Yeah, like I don't know how big my fucking feet are, like I've never had to shop for shoes before, like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. (those were some good shoes I bought there, lasted me almost ten years they did)

THIS HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO? I'm all for bearing a grudge but Jesus Christ, there's a point where it becomes ridiculous and you crossed it.

Unfortunately most of the shoe places I can think of in the immediate area cater only to women that want to pay way too much for something that will wreck their feet later in life but oh it looks so good (I guess, if you're blind) and that's all that really matters, right???

Yes. Yes it is. I feel like I'm quoting really long blocks of text in her blog but I almost have to. Her blog is like an asbestos fire. It just goes on and on forever until it (finally) reaches its point.
Oh my fucking Christ there's a Nine (NINE) paragraph ESSAY about her fucking neurotic cat and her mother visiting and how she was surprised the cat was actually okay HOLY FUCK ME.

Oh. My. Gods. *is dead*

No fuck you. Entry over. Holy shit.

So many choices

Wow usually I have to take what I can get in terms of douchey blogs, but not today! There must have been a sale at the Summer's Eve factory, because douches are half off and therefore flooding the market! (this made more sense in my head than when I typed it)
So without a single thought to my own safety, I picked what I feel to be the worst of the worst.

So heres the thing, why does everyone here bring their significant others to school with them.

Never met anyone who has done this but all right.

All the hot guys, well ok, just Brian and Jeremy, but Brian is way hotter than Jeremy, anyways, they both have girlfriends here and I don't like it.

Let's edit for thought, clarity, grammar and content:
All the hot guys, well ok, just Brian and Jeremy, but Brian is way hotter than Jeremy, anyways, they both have girlfriends here and I don't like it.
There you go.

Brian is really nice and just a cool dude. No I do not have an affinity towards Brians, I just think that the people with that name are amazing.

Hey there you go, regular commenter on this blog & all around bro Brian.

So Saturday, I moved in. I was sad. I missed my daddy. I almost killed myself.

I wonder if she's being serious? I know drama queens who would be. I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF TODAY SUPER SERIAL GUYS.
No you fucking didn't shut up.

Yesterday was a lot better. Ryanne came to visit us, and we met people on our floor.

Ryanne. Ryan? Ree-ann? Ri-ahn-ay?

I dunno how I feel about them. I just feel like people are so desperate for friends, I am, that they will gravitate towards anyone that will hang out with them.

k

Oh and the boys across the hall are really hot, I think they both have girlfriends too, WTF!

I thought you said only Brian and... Jeremy (had to go back and look) were hot. Now two other guys are hot? YOU'RE A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT, JESSI11.

Anyways... So there are some people that are really cool, like Brian, and Willy, and Jeremy, and Bree, and Paul is kinda pretty cool too.

ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS
ANYWAYS GUYS
ANYWAYS

Cuz I am attached to my phone and don't know how to live without it.

Oh fuck you. There's always that girl who has her cellphone go off every fucking class and she has to rush out to take it. I always want to put a fucking pencil in her eye. Annoying cunt.

Oh man, ok I really haven't seen that many hot boys here. They're all kinda skinny and geaky.

So there are 2 hot guys, wait no there are 4, no wait not that many. I'd say make up your mind but I really, really don't give a fuck. I should probably be apologizing to anyone I have ever said that to, because compared to how much I don't give a fuck right now, I cared deeply.

Why do I think that. Why am I so judgemental.

Because you're a dumb whore who only cares about one thing: girth. Girth to fill her cavernous twat (and lack of a soul).

I like these people I really do, I just don't really find many of them physicially attractive.

Well good thing "physicial" beauty isn't a requirement for forming a friendship with someone OH WAIT YES IT IS YOU HAVE NO PERSONALITY.

Eventhough I have a full ride, I can't spell worth shit.

:|

i feel like everyones off doing fun things without me, i want to party with people and get hella drunk and make out with boys.

Woe is you.

but it will be good, im gonna be fucking hot and itll be great, but probably not, ill probably look just the same and will have put myself through torture for nothing, welcome to my life.

Whoa, what? Sorry I was counting the bumps on my ceiling. Sure is a lot of texture up there!

Im like super lonely, but i feel like i see people a lot. i dunno, i need a freaking vacation. this weekend kinda sucked, but it shouldnt have, i mean, its not like i did anything, but its not like i didnt do anything, tor came over on saturday night and we hung out, but still i dunno. working constantly is getting to me, yeah im making money and all that jazz, but its draining. and then add on the 4am wakeup twice a week and its just lovely.

Wow my desk is really reflective. I guess glass has that property but I'm just now noticing it.
Ha, ha now here's a post entitled "weekend full of whoa". I seriously doubt she's clever enough to pull a pun like that so it's probably just a casual malapropism (feels good being that much of a grammar nerd, in fact).

So this weekend was absolutely amazing. Probably the best weekend of my life, it probably wasn't but it was my most recent good one,

I know this is hard to believe but I'm actually familiar with hyperbole and understand that when you say "most amazing weekend ever" you're probably not being literal. Actually just kidding you probably do that to reaffirm to yourself that it wasn't, in fact, the best weekend ever because you are, after all, an idiot and anything non-literal is above you.

Ok... So since i work for the lovely goverment it was my holiday on friday so i got the day off which was lovely.

I-- what? Oh I see. Wow, I had to read that a few times.

So to start our date we decided to go eat somewhere yummy. the choices came down to olive garden and applebees.

>yummy
>Olive Garden and Applebee's
Oh hi Jessi11 confirmed for fatty.

we went back to her place and attempted to decide where we were going to drink our vanilla vodka

Attempted to decide? What, you failed at having a thought? Actually no, that's probably exactly what happened. My mistake.

So amber sat outside in little lawn chairs, drinking our drinks and smoking cigarettes, cuz thats how we do, we felt pretty snazzy im not gonna lie.

Yeah real chic.

Needless to say... ryan and i found these magic trick box in his room and we tried to figure it out, eventually we just gave up and made our own magic. whoaa.

Gross.
Now what follows goes something like this: "amazing amazing amazing amazing drinking amazing pot amazing amazing I'm a vapid whore."
Jesus Christ this entry goes on forever. How can you say so much about so fucking little?

I can't believe I'm helping Jenni get laid by Levi, do you see something very very wrong with this, because I do.

Surpris-- wait, aren't you Jenni? Oh no, you're Jessi. Well fantastic. To keep this straight in my head you're Vapid Whore Alpha (VWA) and your friend is Vapid Whore Beta (VWB).
Well, VWA, surprisingly not everyone knows VWB and some yo-yo named Levi.
Wow this blog has a very confusing chronology. So confusing, in fact, I'm going to end this post here.
Smell ya later, losers.

The Bro Crusade Continues

Today I tackled the Promyvion runs in FFXI and cleared them all, so pretty much any achievement imaginable pales in comparison. It's all there in the title: PROmyvion.
So here we are today.
A fellow Final Fantasy fan, going by the avatars. Yes, Final Fantasy VI was the best. This does not mean I'm going soft on you, though. If anything I'm now holding you to a higher standard because you are familiar with things that are not shit and therefore have no excuse for your heathen ways.

Two things that I find unfair:

Somehow I bet both of these articles you are, in fact, in control of, but do continue.

That I only truly want to be writing when I am nowhere near something that I can use to write.

Yep definitely don't give a fuck.

That in order to get a good job I have to do things like apply and interview and go to job fairs and that just scares me and makes me unhappy.

OH, WELL FUCK ME! LITTLE PRINCESS DOESN'T WANT TO DO WORK TO... GET A JOB?
Also I've cut about a paragraph from each of these two items. You didn't miss anything, she just literally got her point across in one sentence and then continued to prattle on.
See that, Jen (I love being on a first name basis with the various bloggers :3)? I didn't have anything further to say so I ended the thought.

I GOT AN A IN RESEARCH METHODS, AKA THE CLASS THAT HAS BEEN IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE SINCE SEPTEMBER. Okay so yes I got As in all other classes but the B in econ but those don't seem NEARLY as wonderful/exciting/etc. I GOT AN A IN 406.

Well whoopdeeshit I got an A in all my classes.

Now it's time to make Aziraphale's life miserable by remixing my angsty WWII slash fic <3>

I know what World War II is, and I know what Azazel is (an obscure character in Jewish Apocrypha, but given this cunt probably from some anime) but I have no clue what this sentence means. At all.

Belial just popped into my head, along with his reasoning for deciding to seduce Uriel

What is this I don't even
All right for those of you unfamiliar with Jewish and Christian mythology and associated texts and apocrypha (who could blame you?) Belial is, well, first a term, as in the oft-mentioned "riotous sons of Belial" basically, greedy people who would do anything for money. Crooks, thieves, rogues, etc. Belial was later personified as the demon of greed. His most famous appearance is perhaps in Milton's "Paradise Lost", where he attempts to convince the Court of Hell to develop the natural resources of Hell, which was rich in valuable metals.
Uriel is a rather obscure Seraph (highest order of angels) who I believe is briefly mentioned in Dante's Divine Comedy as well as "Paradise Lost" and figures only slightly more heavily into the cult classic Shin Megami Tensei series.
I can't be certain if they were gay or not, but I would have to assume Uriel would spurn this advance considering they are embroiled in a bitter war and are on opposite sides of the conflict.
UNLESS THIS IS A GAY ROMEO AND JULIET STORY HOW ROMANTIC~
Oh here she posts an excerpt.

Uriel was tidying up and singing to himself. “Love me hate me say what you want about me, but all of the boys and all of the girls are beggin’ to IF YOU SEEK AMY!”

Belial’s eye twitched.

“Say, you know, that song is so catchy but makes no sense,” Uriel admitted, “No sense at all. IF YOU SEEK AMY? What does that even mean?”

Belial’s eye began to spasm.

“IIIIFFFFFF YOOOOUUUU SEEEEEEK AAAAAMMMMYYYY. FFFFFFF UUUUU CCCCCCCC KKKKKKK MMMMEEEEEEE. Huh. No, doesn’t mean anything. Weird.”

If Belial had a soul, it would have died.

Well that was bad and didn't make a lot of sense. I'd like to mention that Belial is only a soul by definition but whatever, hey who needs all this book learnin' when you can shit out this PURE GENIUS?

XD Sorry those two amuse me.

LOL XD IN THAT CASE YOU'RE FORGIVEN.
Oh now we get deep insight in the form of an AIM conversation. These are always fucking stupid. Put your goggles on, because I suspect unprotected eyes will be irrevocably damaged upon viewing this:

[15:29] steadfast: he will get involved in a duel to the death (not sure with who XD) that occurs over a pit of spikes that are on fire while the kraken tries to suck him down
[15:29] steadfast: so i guess we could do that XD
[15:29] foxxfire5: xDD
[15:30] foxxfire5: what are we going to do? have him spiked underwater?
[15:30] steadfast: XD
[15:30] steadfast: just
[15:30] steadfast: XD

In a two minute window (at most), FIVE "XD"s.
This conversation continues in this fashion for another five minutes, and in that window there are another SIX "XD"s, bringing the grand total (in a six minute clip of a conversation) to 11. That's almost two every minute.

So I finally sat down and forced myself to read Twilight. It took about 4 hours.

It wasn't nearly as bad as I figured it would be.

Thanks. I didn't put much time into my best seller but it has made me a fortune.

Two more scenes to go, still. Well, three, if I'm including some sort of climactic fight scene against el dragon, which I haven't quite decided whether or not I'm going to write or not.

I don't usually count climactic battles where most of the action is resolved as a scene, but I can see where you might consider it one of the most important parts of a story.

I finally got up the metaphysical balls to look at the grad school apps I still have hanging

I guess all those big bad psychology classes (and an English minor, no less) don't extend into the definition of "metaphysical" (protip: your statement didn't make that much sense).

Do you remember how I complained that my brain doesn't think linearly - that I can write the end of stories before the beginning, etc.? Prime example of this: MY BRAIN HAS DECIDED TO WORK ON THE SEQUEL.

OH NO IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME METHOD OF WRITING WHEREIN YOU COULD DIVIDE INDIVIDUAL STORIES INTO SMALLER SECTIONS AND THEN ORGANIZE THEM LATER IN A FASHION THAT MAKES SENSE TO THE READER! Unfortunately to my knowledge no such thing exi-- oh no, no wait, I remember now: they're called chapters. Might want to look into them.

Second, it turns out that my Good Omens novella has gotten about 300 viewers per chapter.

*~success~*
I'm parring the next paragraph down to a sentence so that it isn't so boring (and stupid).

Oh, and I ordered statues of the archangels so that they don't smite me because of the fact that they're all characters in the novella.

I forgot what I was going to say about this, honestly. The glaring stupidity of this paragraph just crushed all rational thought I had for about ten minutes.

Things Jen needs to get done today:

But wait, aren't you Jen?
Oh who cares?
This goes on and on forever about shit I don't care about, so I'm going to do something else now.

Barf Alpha III: A New Age of Vomit

Japanese, like all languages, requires years of diligent study and practice to become even scantly fluent. Japanese, unlike most languages, has many weekend practitioners who fancy themselves masters by stringing together as many awkward phrases together (all learned from anime) together as humanly possible. Behold, Mada Boku Niwa Sukui Arisou? Which, to save the grammar lesson, rest assured: it is about as awkward as he could have made it.
As yet I (dimuntive form of I) probably have received help? Why the question mark? Why "ni wa" instead of a standard predicate? WHO KNOWS?

On a further note, I just heard that my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. I'm not really surprised to realize I don't even give a flying fuck about it.

So you were close, I take it.

He's a heavy smoker and refused to give that up even after the doctor warned him over 10 times that this was what was going to happen.

Yes that often happens to heavy smokers.

I've always said that smoking is a choice someone makes, in my opinion everyone is free to make said choice - even kids if they feel the need to 'impress' their peers - but I'm not about to pity the consequences smoking brings.

Watch out folks, internet badass.

Not even in the slightest. Again that was the choice HE made, not mine.

You can still feel human emotions you emo fuck.
I mean I don't give a shit that he's dying but then again he's not my grandfather.

So yeah, I just got accused of being 'cold and calm' about the situation while my 'poor grandfather is dying'.

Nothing wrong with that. Going apeshit will not bring the dead back to life.

As for the dying part, we don't really know anything about the severity of the situation - we'll supposedly hear tomorrow - so why say he's dying already?

Because he has lung cancer? I'm not a doctor but I suspect that's reasonably severe.

Lung cancer is a horrible but treatable disease.

I don't think so but then again you probably played Trauma Center on the DS way more than I have, so you're clearly the expert here.

But apparently this (now dubbed so by many) personal soap-serie hasn't ended yet.

Series. Personal soap series. The singular version of series is still series.

My grandfather ended up sending a christmass card specifically to my mother and as you can guess my name wasn't on it. At all.

Christmas only has one 's', heathen.

One less seat to reserve at my graduation and again a whole shitload of stress I don't need dissapears.

Disappears*
also that's really cold, to cut your dying grandfather out of your graduation ceremony because he forgot to send you a "Christmass" (sic) card.

Oooooooooooh! And guess what! I'm spending Christmass over at my girlfriends place ^_^

By which you mean "in my room, downloading porn" because let's face it, any girlfriend you have has a name that ends in ".jpg", do ho ho ho.

But whatever, if she doesn't even believe in my capabilities when it comes to my education, she can go fuck herself.

I think she might be reasonable to assume that. You do seem to have trouble with elementary grammar.

She's most defenitely not welcome at graduation and neither is the rest of my family (except maybe my grandpa).

Well the next entry makes a liar out of you, doesn't it? Also like going to your graduation is such a reward for putting you through school, you miserable shit. I mean it'd be one thing if you were fucking awesome and it was like your parents could feel a sense of accomplishment at watching their child grow but you were clearly a miserable fuck to be around so they're probably just relieved to be rid of you.

I did meet a really nice girl like I more or less said in my previous post. She's a bit younger than me, but it's ok.

>bit younger than me
Did you know child porn is illegal in all 50 states and Canada?

I'm really comfortable with her and I like her family (as far as I'm familiar with them that is). I plan on spending my christmas over at my new inlaws just to get away from my family.

They're not your in laws unless you are married. Also I'm amazed you have a girlfriend. I would have guessed you were gay for sure.

Funny how I absolutely adore my new girlfriend and inlaws and I can't even share that with my own mother?

Maybe if you weren't such a miserable twat you could, but nope.

She seems to believe that gay (and lesbian) people are somehow disfigured or ill and that they date people from their own sex because of it. Yet somehow bisexual (or pansexual in my case) people are sick and twisted andthey apparently completely disgust her.

Pansexual-- What does that mean? I mean obviously pan- means "all" but what does that entail, precisely? Let's check that regular fountain o' knowledge, Wikipedia:

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality^[1] is a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex.

Too many fucking links, thanks Wikipedia.
So she (?) is a bisexual?
Oh, the article continues:

Bisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by attraction to both men and women. Unlike pansexuality, it does not specifically include people who fall outside the gender binary.

Oh Jesus Christ, who cares? Fuck girls, fuck men, I don't give a shit. Just shut up.

Oooooooooooooooh me nearly forgot!
I got Photoshop CS2 recently!

I'm very VERY happy with it.
My coloring/shading days have never seen brighter days XD

Coloring days have never seen brighter days. Great.

Yeah, me bitching yet AGAIN...

( getting sick of me yet? X3 )

Yeah I am, actually. Fuck off, you stupid twat.