Friday, September 12, 2008

Welp

This could very well be my last update ever as far as I'm concerned, because I found it: the shittiest blog. Every lesson I have tried to instill into ye unwashed masses can be found here, and still more I hadn't thought of besides.
Do not click here, it invites madness.
So immediately every entry is titled "lastnight (sic) and today". Why? Who knows. Who cares.
Here's the first entry:

lastnight and today
so lastnite [thrusday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, and i just chilled here for awhile, just talkin to some people, and then i eventually let the dog out and fed the animals and then i was bored for awhile, talked to my mom wen she came home, then she bought pizza but i wasnt hungry, so i just chilled online, eventually took a shower, fucked around on melo, talked to kristy for a bit, try to call pete of course nothing happened, and i called him quite a few times, nothing, then i didnt feel good at all, actually i felt dying idk wtf was happenig and then i talked to trip for awhile, then went downstairs and watch that 70 show, try to eat pizza, didnt work at all, and then i watched rush, and then 2 hrs of dawson creek, then wen i was about to fall asleep, my mom woke up and was being loud, then finally after she stopped talkin i passedout, and then today [friday] i slept and slept and slept, cause i never sleep anymore, and then when i do sleep thats all i wanna do im horribly depressed this sucks, apparently i miss kristy's call, which sucks cause she was suppsoe come over today, and then i talked to chris and i said ill call bak when im awake, and then i got up around 3ish, did some things around the house, went online, talked to chris so apparently around 5ish hes gonna come over, and we gonna go to dp, and im gonna SPEAK TO PETE and get this over with, cause this bullshit really needs to fuckin stop i cant take it anymore, but other then that idk what im doin so if u wanna chill or somethin i guesss hit me up but im out for now peacee
Oh. My. God. That is one sentence. This is the ultimate "who cares?" entry. Jesus fucking Mary.
But guess what?
so lastnite [wednesday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, didnt feel so well, well lastnite i was pretty WASTED lolz. and then i hit up tanya and she said she wasnt sure whats goin on she gonna hit me bak up, so i was still tired and stuff and i decided im gonna go lay down so i get off the comp, and laydown which lead me sleep for a couple hrs, woke up around 8ish, went online, found out that tanya's van wasnt workin and her mom was outta state so we had no way there, so iw ent downstairs ate some food and then kurt called demanding i get my ass there, and jamie really wanted me there too, so he asked if he picked us up if tanya will go and i said hold on so i hit up tanya and she said yeah so i called him bak, finish eating dinner, and got readi, he got there mad fast like around 9ish, and then we went and picked up tanya and then we drove to the place, and then we got there and chilled there was mad people, but it was a sweet place cause there was outside thingy with a fire and shit like that, so i had a couple beers, some blue moon, man blue moon with lemon in it, is quite delcious i liked it a lot and then had some octoberfest which was rather good too haha me and tanya drink highclass beers son, and then we got offer free shots which was cool, and then eventually jamie played but of course she was the last one, then we just chilled and then after she played we chilled for a wheile, needed a cig so got one from lil jon and i also got hit from the bowl which was cool, and eventually we left, i got home around 1 somethin, went online real fast, attempt to call pete, to see perhaps he'l speak to me but he didnt answer, and then of course he turn his phone off, so i guess hes mad at me or somethin, idk anymore, i was too outta my head to worry paranoid like i usual do so then i eventually passedout, then today [thrusday] slept slept slept you get the picture, all i want to do is sleep, nothing else, and then finally i woke up around 2 something, try pete, it was off, try later it was on, but he didnt answer =/ so then i talked to chris for a bit, and now im bored online drinkin coffee, no idea whats goin on tonite i have nothing planned for once so if u wanna chill hit me up but im for now later ppl

THE ENTIRE BLOG IS WRITTEN LIKE THIS. Also all her entries start with "so lastnite (sic) [day of the week] i was bored" then no period. Every. Single. One. You could just exclude that thought all together after the first, oh, four entries because after that it's implied, isn't it?
Also every single would-be sentence is so generic. So I did this, then this happened, then this happened, then I did this, then... Goddamn liven up your thoughts once and a while you illiterate.
I would say this is the work of a four year old, but apparently not because she(?)'s getting drunk and carrying on like a regular grown up idiot.
Also no one ever calls. It's always "hit up" which is now going on my shit list of "terms I never want to hear".
It's a skill I was taught in fourth grade. Telling a story via its relevant and most important points and culling the irrelevant information. I seem to recall a rather grand project about making a haunted house out of shoe boxes, then we had to tell a story using only the vital information from each shoe box section.
so lastnite [monday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, just chilled online, nothing special, talked to a couple of ppl, fed the animals, talked to tina who i havent talked to in forever, i was suppose chill with her later but it didnt happened, then i did some cleaning and then i went online was bored a bit more then my mom came home and i talked to her for a bit, then my damn cat somehow got into my room and ate my cigs,

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Also there seems to be a problem with past tense. "didnt happened" sounds like a three year old babbling.
In fact, that's exactly how this reads.
Also "so I was bored" occurs with such regularity I might as well call it a conjunction as it bridges one part of a sentence to another. Apparently even a half a minute of "not doing anything" is boredom to her. I remember whan I was three I got bored easily too.
so i just watched dane cook

Somehow I'm not surprised you'd be a Dane Cook fan. Also "back" has a c in it. Just thought I'd tell you.
food from panda express i never ate there before i had some chicken kong fu shit, idk it was mad good actually but really spicey but it sucked cause it kinda made me sic afterwards.

"sic" is how I'd describe this entire blog.
oh well and then we walked around for a bit and then saw some ppl i knew and then eventually we left and went into the verizon store cause ryan wanted to look at phone's and i saw the cute pink blackberry phone i want too bad i dont have money aha and then we left and i came home around 7ish,

That's kind of funny, isn't it? Someone who can't speak wants a communication device?
Ready for the biggest horror story about this wide-awake nightmare?
She has updated nearly every single day since 2002.
THAT'S SIX YEARS OF ENTRIES.
Assuming she did update every day (some days have none but others have four, so it probably evens out) that's 2190 entries.
TWO THOUSAND ENTRIES.
I was wondering what sort of creature would write this, and thankfully she posted pictures of herself. I figured she'd have too much makeup on because why not.
Soulless eyes peer past a broken nose and-- that's all I have.
She also dresses like I imagined. You know, like an idiot.
So I guess that's it. I'd comment further, but if it came between having to read another entry or the thumb screws, I'd have a decision to make.
There's no advice for this. What can I say? "Write like an adult with some tact and thought"? "Stop being such a boring twat"? That'd never happen because that would involve thought and skill. Only advice I can give is "never write again."
Yeah, that'd be my advice to her. "Piss off."
OH WAS HE JOKING ABOUT NEVER UPDATING AGAIN?

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