2pro

Let's take a break from all these women blogging and go for a guy blogging.
You know what I say: all guys with blogs are gay.
Read this shit. I can almost see the fedora through the monitor.

I was in despair, I tell you: utter despair. There had been no sightings of any feathered beings anywhere near any of my feeders, bar only Black Phoebe the Tyrannical Flycatcher posing on the hanger while she watched for insects to massacre; I quite thought all my efforts to be in vain. Spurned, I felt. I did.

But I was just making a cup of tea, in the classic British manner, when I happened to glance out of the window - and lo! Hummer! Zooming around the feeder, trying the sunny side and the shady side alternately (I was worrying at five o'clock this morning, whether it would get too hot for the little birdies under our relentless sunshine), pausing on the hangar, being entirely darling. So that's okay.

How much money do you want to bet this queer is American?
And fat?

Today's good news: the bottle of vanilla extract didn't break, tho' it fell from a great height and not much like the gentle rain from heaven* upon the plates beneath.

Today's bad news: those plates. They did break.

M'wife says "So fucking what?", but, y'know. I get so sick tired of dropping things and breaking things and so forth, and yet I continue to do it.

He never says "my" it's always "m'" which really leads me to believe he's tipping his fedora every single time.
Like run through this thought exercise with me:
"my wife"
"m'wife"
"my lady"
"m'lady"
What do you think?
"My wife" = man with wife
"my lady" = knight
"m'wife" and "m'lady" seem like an incomplete thought. The clause needed to finish the thought would be "he said, tipping his fedora."

As with most of my bad habits and character flaws, come to think. I read once that short-sighted people are often clumsy, and I drew solace from that for years, decades; but solace wears thin in the end, I find.

Anyway. We get to buy new plates, yay?

Also I am instructed that I should point out that m'wife is taking shameless advantage of her inside track, and has posted a list of my award-eligible stories on her blog. Hrrumph.

(Also also, I hadn't realised quite how little I published last year. Good grief: what happened there?)


*Which, I might put out, we are still waiting for, here in NoCal.

>NoCal
>faggot doublespeak for "Northern California"
Got you you motherfucker.
You're not British. Stay where you belong, Amerifat.

Actually, at the moment I'm quite in favour of lists.

British spelling.
Do you hear that? It's the sound of neckbeard rubbing against double chin.
Actually I just found out his irl name (Chaz Brenchly dude what) and if you google him you can see he does indeed have a neckbeard but appears a reasonable weight. Also he's wearing a baseball cap but I feel that's just a replacement for the fedora.
Inside it's all fedora.

In my backpack I have put changes of jeans, of shirts, of underwear. I have a small pharmacopoeia of chemical aids and bathroom appurtenances. I have my phone, the Laptop of Utterable Delights and a spare little bag full of cables. I have my sunglasses and my reading glasses. I have a book and my Kindle (and, again, my phone: now with Kindle app applied).

I do believe I may be ready for a day and a night in the city. 

"laptop of utterable delights"
"laptop filled with porn"

So I have all this lovely goose fat, which as we know is yummyscrump for roasting potatoes. What I'm wondering, though, is how else I might splendidly use it. I don't really have enough for a pot of confit, alas; but in any case, I'm thinking of more general uses. F'rexample,

I'm sorry, can you run that by me again with none of the pretention?
Oh that's right you can't because you just seriously asked Dreamwidth how to use goose fat.

I came home this morning with a lovely piece of skirt steak*, which I am browning for tonight. Is it wasteful of me to be browning it in goose fat, or will that make a blessed contribution to the complexities of flavour...?

I did also come home with small quantities of various rices, for purposes of playing with the new toy. And yet, and yet - we are not eating rice tonight. This is because I am an Imp of the Perverse, and I want to make beef stew in a pumpkin. Because I can.


*The word "steak" is added here purely to obviate and head off at the pass any tendency among my readership to go "fnar, fnar". Or local equivalent.

 I'm going to need a minute to decompress after reading that.

Redefinery: where crude language is converted into smooth innocuous prose. Lede-free.

 I'm going to need another minute.
In fact brb I'm going to play a game of League of Legends and take this out on hapless idiots.
Jesus that didn't even help.
Uhhhh.

M'wife has the sleeping sickness.

Isn't that seriously fatal?
How'd she get that?
You only get that in Africa.
Like deep Africa.
Like the Congo.
What's happening?

Down to the farmers' market this morning, for the usual round of fruits and veggies - strawberries, raspberries, broccolini, fennel, kale, brussels sprouts, beetroots, Chinese beans, chocolate from the nice Vice lady* - and also to drop in at Leigh's bookstore, where she was hosting three local foodie writers.

The note is talking about chocolate being a vegetable.
But it's not. It's a seed, technically.
I know because I just googled it.

I just spent a thousand bucks on lumber for the fencing.

I should like it noted, though, that at least I did it in American. Bucks, you say? Lumber? Very well...

So let me tell you about League of Legends.
I suck.
Then I get a bit better and a magic number in the game starts matching me with better people.
Then I suck again.
Until I learn--
Then the magic number goes up and I suck again.
I can't see this number but it must be there because I'm facing increasingly tougher competition.
It's like Caesar says. Better first in a village than second in Rome but okay, at this rate I can be first in Rome.
But whoa hold on. I was used to everyone sucking so hard they couldn't even buy their own champions so I'd just play all the free rotation once and I'd at least know what everyone was going to try to do a bit.
But now I've rotated up enough that people can buy their own champions.
So besides the usual free rotation (because they're not that good yet to just not use free rotation) I'll encounter at least 3 people using shit I've never even seen.
Like spike turtle man. Apparently named Rammus?
Then Vlad the gay vampire who is surprisingly not bad at all--
And nothing prepares you for this. You just get in range and hope you don't die to a move you didn't know existed until five seconds ago.
Meanwhile half your team is screaming at you for dying too much because you've never even seen half this shit before and you're too busy telling them how you're going to find where they live and staple their lips to their own assholes if they don't shut the fuck up about how bad you are because you've only been playing this fucking game for a week and I'd like to see how fucking good you were the first week in--
it's all very stressful.
But if you go 14/7 with Ahri because you've been studying a lot about how she works no one says a fucking thing.
Basically the quest to not be a scrub lord is intense and fraught with screaming middle schoolers.
Much like teaching.

That may be the first time I've ever fried a strawberry.

Welcome to Freedom.
So what the fuck am I supposed to do for the song of the day huh
All I've been listening to all day is gay Korean pop.
So I guess it'll have to be that.
Oh by the way don't get excited and think the girls are going to kiss at the end. I've seen this video 197 times and they don't.
So let me explain to you what this group is about.
Much like all pop bands created by committee they're all the same so the thing to set this one apart is they're all slutty.
You'd think someone would try a group that can sing.
That's ostensibly The Wonder Girls (I know a lot about Korean pop, ok) but the thing is they can't sing either so I don't know what that's about.
I guess they did have that song Nobody from like 2003 or something but that doesn't count because I don't think any of those members are still in the band.
Then there's all the bands that kind of blend together in their mediocrity.
KARA
miss A
Girl's Day
Afterschool
These are real. You can look these up. It might sound like I'm making up but I promise you I am not.
Then there's all the single singer spin offs from previous girl groups like Hyuna and Gain--
am I going insane?
What am I talking about?
Then it gets really confusing when the Korean girl groups cross over with Japanese has beens or never weres--
like when Afterschool did a song with Namie Amuro.
That's a thing I listened to.
That's not even the most obscure Asian music thing I know. I have a CD of Matsubara Miki's greatest hits in my car.
That's a Japanese bossa nova singer who had a couple of minor hits in the late 70s and early 80s.
That's a thing I know about.
Is this being a weeaboo or is this neurosis at this point?
No wait that's not the most obscure thing about Asian music I know.
Midori Kinouchi's 1979 one hit wonder Yokohama Eleven is.
That's a song you can listen to on Youtube if you want.
89 people have listened to it.
How do I know this
am I going insane?

Blogs are gay

and boring

I private-lock the boring stuff after a while. It's nothing but my desire to keep my journal clean.

AND YET I SEE WORDS.

EXPLAIN.

seriously guys, i feel like, stylistically, fanfic masturbates to itself.

Wow when did you make this shocking discovery?
I haven't even read any fanfiction and I knew it was an exercise in verbal masturbation.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

My rating: 2 of 5 stars



It's a solid ancient Greece fanfic. It has semi-legal teenage gay porn, genderswap, wifeswap. I'm not saying that as a bad thing - just not my cup of tea, so I'm not going to finish it. Anybody who has read the Iliad knows how he dies, anyway (Achilles throws a fit).

>The Song of Achilles
Also known as "The Iliad" you illiterate plebeians.
Holy shit
this blog is boring as fuck.

I pee a lot. A LOT. The reason for this is because I have super intense allergies and I try to take at least 3 grams of vitamin C a day. My allergies are so bad that if I don't take meds before bed, I'll throw up from the drainage when I wake up, ESPECIALLY if I drink something quickly and on an empty stomach.

This has changed my morning drink from coffee to tea because coffee burns like hell coming back up, but tea kinda just tastes like sweet tea. Hoorah!

Would you believe this is by far the most interesting thing in like 20 minutes of reading?
Her bitching about allergies and vomiting?

So last night I was all ready to Zen into sleep and get up early and go walking and all kinds of really good and productive things. Cos I listened to the Miracle of Self-Discipline, a little one hour audio by Manesh, and I was MOTIVATED to get off my ass and stop distractions!

Then Pope called me after the wedding and was like, "I NEED TO DRINK. ON MY FEET FOR TWELVE HOURS. BRIDESMAID DRESS WAS NOT OF BREATHABLE MATERIAL."

So we did rum & the Green Hornet, and I lent her FEED & DEADLINE, as well as the Manesh audio, cos that's how I roll. 

Oh my God what the fuck am I doing
is this really what has become of my Wednesday?

I would have updated with something earlier, but my life has been pretty decent in the last week (since I found out about you-know-what, the stress levels DROPPED and I could stop feeling shitty about myself). I guess I'm in the "fuck it all!" stage of grieving a relationship? Oh I love this stage except last time I dared myself to be strong by showing up at a party where he was at, and I guess he dared himself to be strong by showing up at a party where I was at 2 days later, and basically, he's much stronger than I and I was set back a freakin' MONTH.

*phuh*

Man Dragon's Crown is such a good game
if you have a PS3 and hate fun don't get it.
Otherwise do.
It's like everything right about video games rolled into one thing.

Why do I not find any super cool apps for Android Market for Dreamwidth&LJ? I would be on Dreamwidth SO MUCH MORE if there were super cool apps. You know, where I could read like at least TWO PARAGRAPHS of my friends page, not just get an RSS feed of titles that I have to click and open.

Yah.

First world problems, huh?

Can I loofah in the shower the morning after I apply Jergens natural glow (fake tan lotion)?

I seem to remember, in high school, that I didn't like Jergens because it came off in the shower. But it could be because I didn't let it set.

I *must* loofah. I epilate my legs & arms every other day (electronic tweezers for the win for Polish/Irish/German/Mexican granddaughters!), and so I *must* *must* *must* exfoliate. There's no getting around that, unless I want to spend an hour inspecting my body looking for ingrown hairs with tweezers.

But I really would like to get a Jergens glow. But I must loofah really hard.

Oh to be consumed with such nonsense.

I have 14 unusued Dreamwidth invite codes if anybody is interested.

Oh my God this piece of shit used to be invite only?
Holy shit man.

SUCKER PUNCH.

SEE IT.

and then explain to me what happened.

omg i don't even think the filmmakers knew.

hashtagILOVEDIT

I'm going to start a new hashtag called #whitewomen
let's do this shit.

Made a mocking comment on how such-and-such a thing was "too mainstream." Nobody got it. Was afraid for half a day that I might actually be a hipster. Looked them up and, hey, I'm way too gangsta for a hipster!

#whitewomen
maybe I shouldn't because that's all this blog would be.

with the invention of twitter lists, I do believe it is possible to have a twitter-based RPG. This would be EXCELLENT. Make a master account, follow the people, make a list, and let others subscribe. Now if ONLY I were, like, more into RPGs. Bwa

think about it! there could be TAGS and all!

Sounds stupid and also gay.
Fuck blogs, man.
This is so fucking boring I can't even pay attention to it.
It's the anti-attention equation.

OH I GUESS THIS IS GOOGLE NOW

NOTHING LOADS
EVEN YOUTUBE IS SLOW AS FUCK
EVERYTHING GOOGLE TOUCHES TURNS TO SHIT
BUT NO KEEP BOWING DOWN TO GOOGLE
HURRR I WANT GOOGLE FIBER
Might as well get an AOL disk and cram it up your ass because that's all the faster the internet will be when Google is done with it.
Blogger and Youtube are owned by fucking Google.
2/3rds of the tools used in the creation of this blog are currently unmanageable.
Fuck.

I received a beautiful present from an elderly lady I visit sometimes! I'm a little staggered by it. It's a German language Bible - with 40 prints by an artistic fascination of mine: Salvador Dalí, among other things.

Oh good a book no one bothers to read in a dead language with art by Helen Keller.
Thx.

An anecdote to begin the post: The love of my life, T., arrived in Montreal from Iran on a fake Portuguese* passport in '84 - running from the draft, running from war, running from poison gas. He'd never met an Iraqi teenager, and he was independent-minded enough to know he had zero intention of heading off to kill any. Perhaps he already understood something deep in his soul about that war: that by the end, foreign powers would be funding both sides, and he wanted nothing of it.

I already so don't care about this.

T. is violently atheist ("Dear," he tells me as I read him that last line. "I am a secular humanist you know." Well, perhaps.) a position I never argue with because he has suffered in his life in ways I haven't and I can put up with jokes about going to mass, but he shares my deep love of Nuns. Nuns are very "dear and darling" as he often says (it's a phrase unique to T.). That they are women helps with this perception. T. loves women with a certain sweet sentimentality ("I am not sentimental!" - but you are, my darling - you really are). Ask him in a weak moment when you sense he is in a confessional mood and he'll tell you that Quebecois women are nearly as lovely as German ones. T. is generally, to his credit, rather delicate on this matter.

I can't think of the last time I hated a paragraph this fucking much.
I'm currently using my whole body to hate this paragraph.
Fucking goddamn it.

I'm a migraine sufferer who can't bear the sun most days. It blinds me. As such, I look for clouds behind silver-linings. Scents, sounds and sensations can be wonderfully enhanced, and completely unbearable at the same time.

Can't wait to read this.

I've become convinced that migraines affect mood depending on where the pain is coming from. There is no scientific basis for this thought because supposedly, your brain can't feel pain.

Objectively it cannot feel pain.
Your brain has no pain receptors.
It has no nerves, in fact.
The blood vessels around it do, however, and that's the source of the migraine.
Presumably.

I clearly remember my migraines almost from infancy. 

Considering your brain isn't developed enough to retain memories at infancy I'm going to assume by "almost" you mean "when I was four almost five".

Also: my mother's upbringing. In the late 1950s my mother was hit by a car. The woman who hit her cried for 2 hours from shock in the living room of my mother's grandfather's house. My mother was tucked up on the sofa and given pepper-mint tea: my great-grandmother's cure-all remedy.

...
Take her to the hospital?
They had those in the 1950s.
I think.
Sprinkle some chicken blood on her--
whatever people did in the 1950s do that.

For all the woman's pleading, there was no question of taking my mother to the hospital. Concussion? Well - as her devoutly Catholic grandmother (who had survived the depression, 10 live-births, life in a factory, rationing and the flattening of Nurnberg during the war) comfortingly told the woman: "Never mind, my dear. It's God's will."

I know people call voodoo priests primitive but at least they're making a fucking effort.
It might be backwards and barbaric but at least they try.
"God's will" is the ultimate cop out, lazy excuse for bullshit I've ever heard.
How do you know God's will isn't take your fucking cunt daughter to the fucking hospital?
If I were a god I'd probably tell you not to take her so she'd fucking bleed out from internal injuries but then again I wouldn't be the god of mercy.

On a day when an homage to fromage competes in the Eurovision competition I've realized that not only am I addicted to cheese but really: I think about food far too much! Also: I've kicked the sugar habit (possibly for good) but am now addicted to salt.

Oh good.
Migraines are connected to water intake.
Make sure to dehydrate yourself as much as possible.
Also hasn't cheese been linked to migraines?

This morning an e-mail was waiting for me from my sister. "Terrible news about Jack Layton," it read. I'm so sorry."

No not Jack Layton!
Who the fuck is Jack Layton?

I logged into the Globe and Mail to find out what she was talking about - and then I saw the news. Jack Layton Dies At Age 61 of Cancer.

Well that's a shame.
He was a good man.
I guess.
What a rotten way to die, though.
Seriously who the fuck is that?

We all knew he was ill because of the press conference he gave when he temporarily (or so we thought) handed over the leadership of the NDP to Nycole Turmel of the Quebec Caucus, but he'd promised he would return.

Canadian politician.
Wow, I care even less than usual about this political post.

Jack was born in Montreal. His dad was a cabinet minister in the Mulroney government - or, as Jack put it: "He fell in with a bad crowd!" Jack studied at McGill and York Universities and later taught at Ryerson. He was a Toronto City Counsellor and deputy mayor of Toronto. His wife, current NDP parliamentarian Olivia Chow, also served on that council They met at a hospital fundraiser.

A wiseman.
ALL RIGHT JACK MAYBE I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU.
Anyone with his personal affairs that in order must at least be a consideration for office.
So few people can get their personal affairs together let alone a nation's.
Anyway that's the start of this blog.
Unless you count soccer as an entry.
I don't.

This is a hard choice

Today strangers know me better than myself. As I'm driving home from my horrible high school the radio proudly tells me "MORE MUSIC YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR" as they start playing Rihanna.
Yes, 105.7 KZL, that is what I've been waiting for.
Then today's writer's block is just an impossible choice (like choosing between children):

If you had to give up swimming, skiing, hiking, or biking for the rest of your life, which would you choose, and why?

WELL I LOVE ALL OF THOSE THINGS SO MUCH I JUST CAN'T PICK!
Anyway today we have-- whatever the fuck this shit is.

I have never gone skiing - cold sets of my asthma
Not much for swiming - never been very boyant
But I am big on hiking and biking.
Basicaly this is an issue my medical history has decided for me. However, my resperatory problems ma force me to give up all of it eventualy.

Stop. Are you always this fucking stupid?
I know for a fact Livejournal has a spell check. There is 0 excuse for this bullshit.

Now befor anyone points out the controlabity of asthma these days let me state that I'm refering more to resperatory distress syndrom which is a condtion that only effects premees.
My epilepsy has me as a nondriver curently so I realy hope not.

10 errors that Firefox caught for me. I didn't even have to prompt this.

Learned something new recently when a teen son of a freand of my mothers had to see a male dr. about pain in his groin. It seems that they were told that he needed to masterbate more because aparently the production of semin in young males can be high enough to create preasher

Why the fuck did I pick this blog? I can't even focus on your dumb thoughts because I'm so focused on your retarded spelling.
How the fuck do you spell "pressure" with an h?

Today a conversation with mom came around to how I was not suposed to have children dou to my health issues.
Frankly I have always figured that with the asthma on top of the resperatory dystress syndrom my health was going to get worse over time any way so what ever.
My children are the best of me and with out them what would the strugle with the health issues be worth any way

There should be an IQ test before you are allowed to have children.

I was infored ysterday that I have aways been a very confient person. I would have to argue that sentament. I suffer from socail phobias that used to be so sever that I used to have to build up the curageo go threw a checkout lane at a store.

I'm surprised she managed to spell phobia correctly.

Crowds are terafieing to me and I find it dificult to speak in public.

Terafieing.
That is so many spankings we might as well move that punishment up to death because that's what will result.

The only reason Im able to be outgoing online is because I dont actualy see anybody so I am able to distance myself from everyone else. I put my book and poetry up on my web sight because I dont realy feal that ether is good enough for publication

OH REALLY? YOUR BOOK MIGHT NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR PUBLICATION?

I am rairly pleased with how my paintigs and such turn out. I have a modicrumb of talent in a veriety of areas but Im not good enough in anyone to make a living threw it. My health has never been good and I have never thought of myself as particularly attracive. The simple fact is they are misinterpriting a blend of abject terror, stuborn resolve and absolute necessity as confidence but I realy did not feal up to arguing the point, besides it would have been just a waist of time.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh--

The upsetting thing about it wasnt that it was my mother and an aquantance from high school it was that they were claiming that the sever harasment and excessive amount of bullieing I suffered wasnt realy a big deal because Ive always been so self confident. I had no real freands, no suport network, no one to turn to, my schools reaction to me being harrased was to try to have me comited, nothing I have ever done has been good enough, nothing I ever do will be good enough I know this and exsept it.

So I haven't really read any of this yet (I've been doing that school thing where my eyes kind of move along the words but I'm not really focusing on what's in front of me). This is really good, whatever this is.

Got my keyboard today and have three Shadowrun books comeing tomarrow some time.

Wait, what?
You mean that cyberpunk series?

This morning while I was half asleep I thought took up resedence in my brain and grew into an idea that became a theory concering the formation of stars ad glixsies.

Oh wow.
As opposed to all those thoughts that aren't ideas, of course.

We know that when some stars blow up they have enogh core mass to draw back nto themseves colapsing to form black holes ( singularities )Which then draw more matter and even light into them.

I'm amazed someone who confuses the term "supernova" for "blow up" manages the term "core mass".

They know that the center of the galixsy ( as well as others ) is a masive black hole.
We also know that large stars die faster then small stars
Perhapse when the universe was first created It was filled with massive stars, star of such sizee and mass that nothig we have discovered yet avencmes close to rivaling them.

Quick I'll inform NASA.
Dear NASA,
Stop all that deep time research and shit you're doing because some idiot on Livejournal who can't even spell galaxy has figured all this shit out!
YOUR WORK IS DONE GO HOME
Love,
Tim.

Star ofsuch sze would be extreamy short lived n comparisin to hose that exsist now.

Didn't you say a black hole is a singularity?
Isn't a singularity by definition beyond our current realm of understanding?
Oh God I accidentally clicked spell check and I think my computer almost hit the spell check singularity. Just an eternity of waiting for it to catch all the spelling errors but they're being generated as fast as it catches them so it will never finish.
Oh look, her book.
CHAPTER 1.
Dare I?

She trudged threw the rain, her feet ached from walking. The nearest subway access was five blocks away from the warehouse she had purchased and converted to a studio and flat. On top of that she worked as a waitress at a coffee shop.

Waitress affords warehouse.

Her shifts could be anything from four hours to over ten. It was getting late and her legs were starting to distract her from her feet.
She stopped at a light and was sprayed with muddy water as a taxi sped past while she waited to cross. She still had over a block left to walk and was beyond sodden. She hoped that her groceries were okay. She had picked up several things on her way home including bread at an area market just about one block past. It had been cloudy when she had entered the store and by the time she came out it was pouring down rain. She could only hope that the storm would bring the heat wave to an end.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
In any one of my stories someone would have already died or there would have been a sentient supercomputer or some kind of mutant or something--

She reached a decrepit looking building and removed an old heavy looking chain from the gate she stepped into the rustic looking platform of an old open elevator, pulled the gate closed and re-locked it.

Or someone had their fingers broken--

With a press of a button the mechanism lurched into operation. With a creaking protest. The flat part of the warehouse slowly came into view. She had acquired the building at a government auction for less then a thousand dollars. When the elevator finally arrived at the floor level she stepped off into her place.

I'm dying here.

She walked over to what passed for er kitchen and set the bags down. Opening a small refrigerator similar to the ones found in dorm rooms and in some hotel rooms

Mini fridge.
Let's just skip down, Christ all mighty.
On second thought let's not.

I run movies threw my DVD player because it upgraids to a beter qualitiy picture. Not that it maters - My TV is my moniter.

Holy fuck I just spent about half an hour looking for a reaction image to this shit and I couldn't fucking do it.
I think I'm just going to surrender here and do something more constructive with my time.
I mean goddamn.

I Ain't Even Mad

When you have a name like "Flirting with Pretension" you're not allowed to be angry at them when they do indeed turn out to be pretentious. What'd you expect?
Also, the elephant in the room: yes, you have to agree at the start and at every post that you're 14 years or older. Because, you know, posts about how pretentious you are and how delicious noodles are is really shit for the mature audience.

I'm going to write a paragraph now. I'm keenly aware how pretentious and presumptuous this paragraph will be, and it is somewhat embarrassing.

"I am already aware how bad this paragraph will be and yet I will continue to write it and post it for all to see."

Like three-fourths of middle class America, I want to be a writer. That is to say I AM a writer--as the tens of thousands of written pages will attest to--but I would love to be published and paid for my work.

I write a lot : I am a writer :: I own a roll of stamps : I am a stamp collector.
See what I mean when you sound like an idiot?

I am a senior in a Creative Writing/English major, and I'm planning on grad school.

Yes, because truly creative, marketable ideas come from the creative vortex that is college. If ever there was a place where good ideas go to die, it is college. It's like a black hole. Sucks all the mass right out of whatever you have going in.

If I've added you to my friend-list, it means I enjoy reading what you write, find you interesting, want to subscribe to your newsletter, whatever.

I see we've come to understand how the friend list works. Also why mine is empty.

I maintain several filters, but I manage most of them. If and when I trust someone enough that they could be on a sensitive filter, I will ask them if they want to be.

A highly complex system of filters ensures your reading experience is tailored to your skill level. Is this like Oblivion where I use magic and blunt weaponry in the tutorial so the guy at the end says "by the looks of you, you must be a skilled witch hunter, am I right?" and it's really cool to see the AI is that advanced.
Then you realize it's literally only advanced for that one little section of the game and the rest of the game is clones talking about how much they enjoy buying items from the shop owned by their clone.
Anyway, back to the system of filters.

Sometimes (though less and less lately) I post something that might be controversial. I WELCOME debate in these matters,

And this was posted in 2025, so I guess we have some time before this happens.
... I feel like I've written that before.
Now we have the writer's block of the day question. Are you excited yet?
Well you better get that way:

How do you think personal relationships would change if people could read minds?

I think absolutely nothing would be different.
>Implying most people are paying attention to anyone but themselves
>implying implications

Yeah, I don't have writers block. I haven't had writer's block in ten years thanks to Dorthea Brande. However one of my friends puts these up regularly and today's struck me. Not the question really, but her answer made me think about other things.

Great. So?

Because I think this touches on something that actually isn't totally speculative and IS changing within our culture. As the internet and social media sites basically erode our ability to compartmentalize our lives--a trend that shows acceleration if anything--we face a new lack of privacy between the spheres of our existence.

No one is making you use Twitter, asshole.

When our boss can check out our politics and look through our drunken weekend photos and our grandparents know what we're up to, times are a-changing.

Unless you, you know, don't post those pictures to Facebook.
Am I the only one with common sense anymore?
Am I going insane?

I catch people in lies. Pretty much everyone I know I've caught in a few lies. I have a really good memory--far better than most people realize or give me credit for. (There's a reason I can read the textbook once and ace a test.)

Oh, so what do you call people like me who never read the textbook and ace the test?
I guess we're just psychic is the thing.

The point is, I very quickly adjusted my view of lying as a big bad and adopted a much more world-as-I-actually-experienced-it view of integrity, morality, trustworthiness, etc... My social contract changed.

What does any of this have to do with the question asked? Also: can you believe Pokemon Black and White hasn't been leaked yet?
Here's an in-depth review of Neuromancer, one of the titans of science fiction.

Despite evidence to the contrary in the opening paragraphs, this is a very informal review of Neruomancer.

I don't really-- I think we're in for some shit.

Slowly but surely, against the current of books I must read for school not to mention this horrific development I've discovered where they surround the ENTIRE New Yorker short fiction work with these totally interesting articles like that's why anyone would buy it--I mean seriously they're okay, but they're not great; I'm going to read this one about Afghanistan before I read the short fiction, which is really the only reason I bought it and then I'm.....damn, this is actual quality journalism here.

Which is more than I can say for whatever you call this word-diarrhea-on-a-page.

And other than having a real highbrow, prescriptive tack on grammar, they're pretty cool. Seriously though, you really CAN use myriad as a noun these days; I promise....

Oh um....where was I...?

Doesn't the phrase "where was I" imply you were somewhere to begin with? You just start vomiting words out at me and no one knows what's happening. Maybe you should start again?

What I'm getting at is that I can see the relevance of what Gibson creates. I actually did post-structuralist homework, and I know a bit about the work and why it is considered so important.

I guess this is why we're different, you and I, Dice_Dork (great). You see "post-structuralist" and roll with it and use it in your writings, meanwhile I try to do everything to forget the term exists.
Somehow, in trying to avoid filling my brain of fuck my brain is filled with even more fuck.
What he writes after here I have no idea about but I certainly wouldn't call this a "review" of a book entitled "Neuromancer" by a man named "William Gibson".

There's a bit of my friendslist doing the take-a-picture-of-yourself-right-now meme. I sort of wish I knew how to work my camera and upload photos and stuff.

Yeah the Livejournal interface is so hopelessly complex. Why, you might even have to Google something!

By the by, peeps, I'm not even going to TRY to catch up on LJ, so if there's something you want me to see from the last five days, please let me know specifically.

Too much shit going on in the vast world of Livejournal? That'd be the first time in ever.

The pains taken to make her look soft and supple though she was actually hard as steel struck me as a metaphorical chiasmus to femininity.

What? I actually had to stop and reread what you wrote. I am in awe at how much of a cunt you are, currently. If ever there was an anti-cool equation, you just discovered it.

A lot could be said about how the gender roles of women expect them to be be soft in their exterior and hide any hardness, but I'll save my amateur artistic critiquing for things at least tangentially related to writing--studying humanities doesn't mean I'm fit to speak intellectually about any artistic discipline without sounding like a pretentious fop.

He even knows how much of a complete fag he is and yet he persists in writing anyway. I'd say he's an asshole but I can only dream of having this much self-confidence. If I wrote like this I'd be looking to bore nails into my brain so I could forget how to write entirely.

It's like playing an MMORPG. If you play one of those games for long enough, you start to overlay game priorities onto your life as if they're real priorities.

Well it's not like you have any friends and school is such a clusterfuck of nonsense you just transpose whatever nonsense in a game you can into your real life because at least it's something you understand and can see the end result of.

You wake up and you think "what do I have to do today?" And if your "list" is "Level fishing. Get gear. Grind faction," those feel REAL to you.

Well they are real goals. Just because they aren't good goals doesn't make them any less valid as goals.

MMORPG's aren't the only things that can create a false sense of importance, and project an entire reality worth of goals and objectives that require your attention but aren't real.

Well you'd certainly know about a false sense of importance, wouldn't you?

They want to be happy, and make themselves miserable in that pursuit.

Deeeeeeep. Tool.

Dear Scott,

Ur a n00b.

Dear Scott,

Fuck you.
Fucking hell, man. It's like you're trying to piss me (specifically me) off and you're succeeding.
Oh wait, you're not Scott. You're Chris.
Well fuck you too, Chris.

She's smart, well-educated, has an epic smile, is fun, likes video games, is homygod hawt,

She's also probably stone cold fuck nuts, what're you gonna do? If you like her so much why don't you date her?

Your pal who totally pwned you in finishing Zelda 2nd quest without using Nintendo Power as a guide,

Chris

My goal in life is to punch you right in the fucking mouth, Chris.
It'll be one of those punches where "personal safety" doesn't even register. I don't care how much it fucks up my own knuckles, your mouth is destroyed.

There's so much going on that no matter how much I want it, routine is just impossible. I'm trying to get settled into classes I'm taking, classes I'm teaching, buy books,

OR HOW ABOUT TRYING TO TAKE TWO CLASSES OUT OF ORDER AND GETTING AN EMAIL THREE WEEKS AFTER YOU CLEARED IT WITH EVERYONE ON THE PLANET ABOUT HOW SURPRISED THEY ARE YOU'RE TALKING THESE CLASSES TOGETHER AND YOU'RE JUST SURE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DROP ONE AND IF I HAVE TO BE HERE ANOTHER SEMESTER I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY--
Sorry I'm off topic, proceed.

I really just hate this time of year.

Well, Chris, I must say: you are a cunt.
You are everything wrong and fucked up about not only writing but the internet. And life.
Anyway I gotta go.

The Reflex

Gag reflex, more like.
So I was just basking in the glory of the vidya (perfect IV Rotom and perfect IV Gengar joined the fray) and I was listening to Omen, one of the greatest video game, nay, one of the greatest songs ever, off the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack.
So right off the bat the opening entry to this blog appeals to me.

Hi folkies! Well, I was totally trashed last night, so went to bed before nine. I slept like a rock, and woke up at about five this morning.

>9 until 5
Yeah last time I did that was... Never, come to think of it.

Man, it was colder than a witch's titty, but I came in here to see if anyone was around, which not many people were, but I had some nice talk on Twitter. I also played a game of Q9. the cool thing about that game is, you can save your game,

YOU CAN SAVE YOUR GAME!?
That is indeed impressive by 1987 standards.
You kids and casualfags might not remember it, but back in my day we often had to enter what are called passwords to resume your progress. Typically we were just thankful of having a way to resume our progress at any given point but in retrospect the entire system was very messy and frustrating, not to mention slow. the number 1 and lowercase l and uppercase I frequently looked like the same shit, etc.

in fact it saves automatically once you begin a new level, so you can just say ok, had enough for now.

Automatic saving? This is impressive by... What, 1994 standards?

Anyway, I got to the mountain world before I stopped.

This is your gaming glory? I am disappointed.
I clicked on this with the promise of hard fought battles and instead I get casual stories about flash games and saving.

By this time I was beginning to feel Migrainey, and it was freezing cold still, so I snuggled back into bed, ready for the monster to hit, which it duly did.

She gets migraines a lot, and while I can sympathize, I'd like everyone to think back to the opening of this post:

Well, I was totally trashed last night,

Hmm. That is, as we say in the field of law, "an inconsistency in her alibi". Usually if it's a real migraine you can kind of feel it coming on, sometimes days in advance, so the last thing you'd want to do is AGITATE IT BY DRINKING, CHRIST.

I settled down to go on with my game of Q9, and I'm proud to write that I have now reached level 2 of the death world, the hardest world there is!

WHAT IS THIS Q9 AND WHY ARE YOU STILL POSTING ABOUT IT?
I'm going to play it real quick and see what all the fuss is abo--
>game costs $24.99
WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE?

O, talking of the U S of A, I heard something that worried me considerably this morning. It's being rumored that, after the last bomb attempt, any electronic devices on planes flying into the U S are going to be outlawed! And what are people supposed to do on those long transatlantic flights?

Awww, poor Americunts can't live without their technowomb for fifteen hours?

And what are we supposed to do with the electronics we all live by, our i-pods, our cell phones, cd players, kindles, streams, laptops? Pack them? I've heard you're not allowed to pack electronics, and don't tell me anyone's going to travel without a cell phone! I'm just hoping this is extra hype, and will never happen, but it's worrying me!

I hope it does. People need more adversity in their lives. It's what makes you slightly less of a cunt.

Anyway, when Charles came back he brought me doughnuts, so I had them and a cup of tea, which was yumpsk!

I'm going to pretend you're Polish and that's a Polish word.
I'm feeling unusually generous this evening.

Oh, I have to tell you, last night's dinner was just too yumpskelicious for words, I don't think I ever made a better meal!

>yumpskeliciousHoly shit.
Also: this is blogging in a nutshell. People talking about such frivolous nonsense that it doesn't even warrant writing about in your own personal diary, and yet here it is on the internet like it's some kind of accomplishment.
Some "devil's advocates" (I'd call them assholes) might argue that it's for the author's own entertainment, but there are multiple things wrong with this thinking, and I'll cover the big ones:

1. Usually these events were boring (often by the author's own admission) at the time, so you definitely wouldn't want to relive them,

2. If they are just for the author's personal recreation, why can anyone access them at any given time?

and finally,

3. Assuming they aren't just for the author's recreation, who else is the intended audience? Who gets a kick out of this bullshit?

Answer: NO ONE, STOP MAKING BLOGS.

So, that's the end of a very yayelicious kind of day. Aw man, Avril Lavine is shrieking at me, I wish she wouldn't. I'm off for now, see y'all laters, and huge huggies!

All right, take it easy. You just checked off my entire "douche bag vocabulary list" in two sentences.

Anyway, so, in the morning I was playing this Q9, which is an awesome action adventure, but unlike most of these, easy to play key wise, I mean just a few simple strokes to remember, and no 3 d sound.

Oh viral marketing.
Also obligatory:
>side scroller
>keyboard

Well, we had two platefuls of this awesome Southern home cooking

>awesome
>Southern
>two platefuls
I'm guessing you're several pounds on the side of morbidly obese. Actually I know this to be true, based off your avatar.
Now here's a post about her new wheelchair, and I'm guessing the aforementioned Southern cooking had something to do with this development.
Here's a post with the "word" "crapasticated", which isn't a word in case you have a nail in your head or don't speak English (or both), now here's a post where she has what sounds like a serious psychotic episode (which she somehow makes really boring)-- hmm.
Yeah I think I'm done mucking about in this stall.
Be seeing you, AIDS patients.

I'm busy

Whew sorry about missing Monday. New Pokemon games to play and such.
I'm back now, but I'm also playing some grinding games (samurai won't level itself) so I'm very busy. It's difficult being me :(
So what's today's blog about?
Heretics.

Yesterday, Renee and I celebrated the Autumn Equinox together. Admittedly, it could have gone a little better but we had both spaced on the date dealing with too much stress both from online and offline stuff, realizing only a few days in advance that the ritual date was actually here.

>stress
>online
:3

There was some brief talk about skipping it, but we decided that we couldn't pass this up for two reasons: one it was a festival of Hermes that happened to be falling on this day and there was something he had asked me to do that the energies of the day would be perfect for,

Wow Hermes tells me to do something and my response would have to be "broheim, you know I'm going to be turning into some kind of donkey or ox after this, so how about we skip it and cut to the horrific death?"

We honored our various gods, honored Dionysos as I've been feeling a need to spend some time with him lately,

k
You do know these gods don't really exist but are personifications of abstract principles, don't you?

I was going to end with a picture of a necklace I made for Dioysos yesterday, but the picture didn't come out too wonderful and so we're waiting for day light to try again. But pictures are forthcoming. :-)

Can wonderful act as an adverbial phrase? Well, whatever. After encountering the cunty followers of the Greek pantheon, I've decided they are so last Wednesday.
Mithraism is in now. Praise be to Mithras, etc.

It is apparently Invisible Illness Awareness week, and a lot of people on my friend's list have been posting about their own various struggles with such. I wasn't sure if I should participate or not, but I've been encouraged, and so here it is.

Let's analyze this. If you have an illness that's invisible is it really an illness?
By "invisible" I'm going to assume "without symptoms" because if we're just talking about illnesses that have no outward appearance then we could be talking about nearly any affliction and this entire week is silly.
Wow this is a long post. I'll quote some of it here, but you can probably skip it and cut to my summary:

The big reason why I was going to bow out was because I have no official diagnosis on any of my problems. There are of course good reasons for this. For those of you who haven't been around long enough to hear the story in detail, or have seen me hint about it but wasn't sure what I was talking about, I was abused by the mental health system and the department of social services when I was a teenager (on top of the abuse I already experienced from my parents and the school system, only ten thousand times worse). Mentally and physically abused - yes I mean physical violence and yes I mean from staff members not other patients (although that too, which always went ignored) as well as being forced to take drugs I didn't need for years (yes forced, I was threatened with violence every time I hinted I might not take it on my own).

Sure, I believe you.

So, what are my invisible illnesses? Severe anxiety, depression (not so much anymore, but not so long ago it isn't worth mentioning) and a sleep disorder, this one in particular I believe - yes I know a rare disorder I by rights should not have, and yet after ten years of it I know exactly what my symptoms are and this is the only one I have ever found that describes what is wrong with me.

Ok I've done a lot of research (on Wikipedia) and I think I found your problem. I will link it here for convenience. Now here's an entry entitled "Internet Drama" which is not only the dumbest kind of drama, but also the best kind.
Wow I am disappointed. It's dumb but also boring as fuck. OH NO THE PAGAN FORUM I BELONG TO IS MEAN TO ME! :( wow don't give a fuck and I'm not skimming 10000 posts to figure it out, either.

I am sick to fucking death of summer, of humidity, of having to keep a fucking air conditioner running at all times. Sick of having my energy drained by the heat. Sick of the dry air in the bedroom, I literally can't take that anymore.

Dry air, humidity, dry air, humidity-- okay.

If truly Hermes loves me as much as he claims, I will not have to do this again for several years. Gods I hate shopping for shoes so fucking much, I swear it just gets worse and worse each time.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

I also try to avoid going to places that force me to interact with the sales people, having run into a couple of oh so helpful ones in the past. Not the last time I had to buy shoes but the one before that, I asked the moron for a nine and a half and she was just convinced my feet could not be that big. So she gets her little foot measure thing, and oh look, says here you're a seven, I'll just go and get you a seven then (I was sixteen so I guess she thought she could talk down at me like that). And does it fit? No, of course not, much to her empty headed bafflement.

k
Amazingly, this story continues. I've never seen such butthurt over menial chores.

So I say, you going to get me that nine and a half now? Well, she does, and those fit, and again she is bewildered, but that thing said you were a seven I just don't understand!!! Yeah, like I don't know how big my fucking feet are, like I've never had to shop for shoes before, like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. (those were some good shoes I bought there, lasted me almost ten years they did)

THIS HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO? I'm all for bearing a grudge but Jesus Christ, there's a point where it becomes ridiculous and you crossed it.

Unfortunately most of the shoe places I can think of in the immediate area cater only to women that want to pay way too much for something that will wreck their feet later in life but oh it looks so good (I guess, if you're blind) and that's all that really matters, right???

Yes. Yes it is. I feel like I'm quoting really long blocks of text in her blog but I almost have to. Her blog is like an asbestos fire. It just goes on and on forever until it (finally) reaches its point.
Oh my fucking Christ there's a Nine (NINE) paragraph ESSAY about her fucking neurotic cat and her mother visiting and how she was surprised the cat was actually okay HOLY FUCK ME.

Oh. My. Gods. *is dead*

No fuck you. Entry over. Holy shit.

Drinkin' Some Listerine

All right fgts I want to play some FFXI tonight so let's keep this short and sweet.
Some furry or something, I don't know.

First of all, all hints of depression are poof, gone! I'm joyful, bouncy, and generally chipper; although my stress levels are fairly high. I've papers to right of me, programs to left, websites in front of me -- into the mouth of Hell, coded yon squirrel; April is a month of deadlines.

Wow that's really--

15:43 Have a level 9 Barbarian in Diablo II now. Mm...I love revisiting old games.

Wow that took, I don't know, 15 minutes?
Hey I have a level 5 monk in FFXI. Just saying.

15:13 Started keeping a chronological index of my written journal in a separate comp book. Can now look up key times/events very easily.

I crossed that out for you, friend. Just some editing.
Also I can't imagine having a life so interesting and full of content that I'd need a separate book from the one I'm keeping on it just to index shit. The history book I needed last semester, which covered a period of time from 4000 BC to last year managed to keep its index in the same book. (Admittedly the class was some dumb shit like art history but whatever, required courses).

Saw Watchmen. I approve wholeheartedly, enough that I picked up the graphic novel. Very good piece of literature, and a very faithful rendition on the screen.

>comic book (not graphic novel, don't be a cunt)
>literature
Oh a vlog. Based off your avatar I was guessing you were some kind of 6 foot tall muscular squirrel man, but now that I see your person-- let's watch, shall we?
Huh cool receding hairline, brosef.
"so my friends can see it." YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, ENJOY YOUR CRUSHING LONELINESS.
"I really have no idea what to say" followed by fifteen seconds of silence. All right, shut the fuck up you deviant.
Jesus Christ all mighty. So you're going to start a vlog (dumbass) and you get in front of the camera, then you remember OH SHIT I FORGOT CONTENT. Here's a protip for you: A SCRIPT YOU DUMB CUNT.

Man, I've been wondering WHAT I could do for aerobic exercise in the confines of my bedroom ever since I started exercising. Since I'm not particularly popular with the ladies right now, the obvious answer is right out.

... Oh ha, ha, I see why you aren't popular with the ladies.

Let's see...ooh! Started playing Dwarf Fortress again.

Yeah tell the girls that. Your dick will be raw.

Oh yes. Tomorrow shall be FILLED with awesome. Doctor Who, XBox 360, movies, board games, and all sorts of other misc.

Dang son, if that party gets any wilder a chess game will break out.
Now he claims a pocketwatch is badass, which it might be, but somehow I doubt anything on him is badass.

Due to the nature of a public (or even semi-public) online journal, I can't REALLY spill my heart out here.

Oh don't be such a fucking baby. You can say whatever the fuck you want on the internet. It's not like anyone knows you personally. It's like writing bad words on a bathroom stall-- no one knows you did it.

A more mature, enlightened, and less wussy squirrel,

But you still are an immature, unenlightened PUSSY. Just by comparison you're less sniveling.
Also for someone so depressed five out of... Thirteen entries start with "today started amazing." Are you sure you're actually depressed? I know I'm not and 90% of all my days start with "WELL I KNOW WHAT TODAY WON'T BE: AMAZING!"
Now he has a post entitled "Thoughts for the Day" which is a regular feature on my blog, in fact (it's in the tags). Usually mine include such gems as "I'LL DRINK THE BLOOD FROM THEIR HEARTS!" and "zeal and fury are rewarded with victory" but I'm sure he's capable of posting some winners, too (ha, ha)

Starfleet Battles is a pretty fun wargame, but takes FOREVER.

Doctor Who is still freaking amazing.

Well you tried, and as they say you only lose when you stop trying (!!)
Of course I'd argue you can lose long before that, but whatever.

Taking a vitamin every morning, making sure I space it far away from my thyroid stuff,

Ha, ha do you know what calcium does to--

so the calcium in the vitamin doesn't nuke the effectiveness of the hormone.

Well fuck you, too.
All right you bore me.
Rare is the day I genuinely dislike one of these fuckers, but this fuck managed. I really don't like him. I mean as an individual, not just because his blog is offending my senses.
He doesn't offer much about his personal life but I get the impression he's a real cunt.

It begins.

Today I'm trying something new. Instead of my bitter jaded (awesome) self, I'm going to be pleasant this entire entry.
It's opposite day, I've decided, and I'm playing.

So I have been thinking as of late, why do we chose the hobbies we do?

Wow what a thoughtful question I hope spending three fascinating paragraphs on this subject brings you close to your answer! Also: God bless.

Really, now some of them are easy to explain they are cool and a thrill.

I think anything you do is cool because you're a cool person! Like all of Livejournal! LOL!!

So that one I can understand but what about the "duller ones"

As I said before, anything you do is cool w/me!

I mean I knit and do cross stitch and what not.

Please tell me more. Please.

I bake because my family and friends seem to like what I make so I am more then happy to do it and I LARP because well it is just fun *S*

LARPing, that is, Live Action Role Playing, certainly is tons of fun for socially well-adjusted individuals!

So lets see what I have been up to as of late?

I didn't ask but it's nice to see you're a mind reader because that is definitely what I was thinking.

It has been a good weekend this weekend.

This weekend. That's good. I was worried you were referring to a previous weekend and then I'd be totally lost.

Went to a movie with nolans cousin and saw My Bloody Valintine.

That sure is some creative spelling you have on the word "valentine", Lishazkatz. It's refreshing to see such a rebel on the virgin spelling planes of Livejournal.

I got things done for D&D tonight so I may work on my knitting.

D&D, LARPing, knitting AND cross stitching? My word what a range of talents you have! I bet there's a whole treasure trove of skill that you haven't yet shared with your faithful readers!

I have been a little moody but that is part from the season sensitivity, the fact I have not been sleeping well and the fact I have not been feeling well to.

Oh, well, as long as you have an excuse. That's okay.

I know not really great excuses but they are the truth.

Telling the truth is important. People always love to hear the truth.

I Love You, I find that these are three of the most powerful words someone can use on a person. And these seem to be the most important words there are in my opinion.

No, I agree. Also thanks for changing your font. It adds a lot of variety to my drab Times New Roman posts!

Squeeee I get make up from a place I thought I couldn't. *happy dance*

Yaaaaaaay!

Things are going wonderfully with nolan and I.

Clever use of "I" there. Glad to see the grammar lessons haven't caged your creative spirit.

He is going to be getting his hearing checked by and occupational therapist through the school in the new year, either he is not hearing things properly or his hearing is to sensitive.

Oh that's good, I was worried he was like his mother.
Err, he-- uhh-- had hearing problems. That's what I meant.
I wasn't insinuating you're an idiot, or anything, far from it.

I know a lot of people have been telling me we are making to much out of some of the things he is doing but well.

I'm sure there's a bitter grammarian somewhere keeping a tally of how many times you've gotten the difference between "to", "two" and "too" right and I'm certain he's not happy about the result.
Luckily I know of no such person.

That I am not smart enough, looking at my friends and what they do, lawyer, managers, working for the government, jobs that you need to be smart to do.

Yes I have known a number of people who work for the government and all of them have been paragons of intelligence. Entire offices filled with nothing but the best and the brightest.
That really explains why our government, here in the United States, is run as well as it is.

But then I come down to earth and realize that no not really and it is just a matter of time before I am told to take a hike and they get someone better...and I wouldn't blame them.

What a sourpuss attitude!
Think positive, no one would want to fire you! You're awesome.
Well friends, I think that's about it for my new acquaintance, Lishakatz.
Have a pleasant evening.

Welp

This could very well be my last update ever as far as I'm concerned, because I found it: the shittiest blog. Every lesson I have tried to instill into ye unwashed masses can be found here, and still more I hadn't thought of besides.
Do not click here, it invites madness.
So immediately every entry is titled "lastnight (sic) and today". Why? Who knows. Who cares.
Here's the first entry:

lastnight and today so lastnite [thrusday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, and i just chilled here for awhile, just talkin to some people, and then i eventually let the dog out and fed the animals and then i was bored for awhile, talked to my mom wen she came home, then she bought pizza but i wasnt hungry, so i just chilled online, eventually took a shower, fucked around on melo, talked to kristy for a bit, try to call pete of course nothing happened, and i called him quite a few times, nothing, then i didnt feel good at all, actually i felt dying idk wtf was happenig and then i talked to trip for awhile, then went downstairs and watch that 70 show, try to eat pizza, didnt work at all, and then i watched rush, and then 2 hrs of dawson creek, then wen i was about to fall asleep, my mom woke up and was being loud, then finally after she stopped talkin i passedout, and then today [friday] i slept and slept and slept, cause i never sleep anymore, and then when i do sleep thats all i wanna do im horribly depressed this sucks, apparently i miss kristy's call, which sucks cause she was suppsoe come over today, and then i talked to chris and i said ill call bak when im awake, and then i got up around 3ish, did some things around the house, went online, talked to chris so apparently around 5ish hes gonna come over, and we gonna go to dp, and im gonna SPEAK TO PETE and get this over with, cause this bullshit really needs to fuckin stop i cant take it anymore, but other then that idk what im doin so if u wanna chill or somethin i guesss hit me up but im out for now peacee

Oh. My. God. That is one sentence. This is the ultimate "who cares?" entry. Jesus fucking Mary.
But guess what?

so lastnite [wednesday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, didnt feel so well, well lastnite i was pretty WASTED lolz. and then i hit up tanya and she said she wasnt sure whats goin on she gonna hit me bak up, so i was still tired and stuff and i decided im gonna go lay down so i get off the comp, and laydown which lead me sleep for a couple hrs, woke up around 8ish, went online, found out that tanya's van wasnt workin and her mom was outta state so we had no way there, so iw ent downstairs ate some food and then kurt called demanding i get my ass there, and jamie really wanted me there too, so he asked if he picked us up if tanya will go and i said hold on so i hit up tanya and she said yeah so i called him bak, finish eating dinner, and got readi, he got there mad fast like around 9ish, and then we went and picked up tanya and then we drove to the place, and then we got there and chilled there was mad people, but it was a sweet place cause there was outside thingy with a fire and shit like that, so i had a couple beers, some blue moon, man blue moon with lemon in it, is quite delcious i liked it a lot and then had some octoberfest which was rather good too haha me and tanya drink highclass beers son, and then we got offer free shots which was cool, and then eventually jamie played but of course she was the last one, then we just chilled and then after she played we chilled for a wheile, needed a cig so got one from lil jon and i also got hit from the bowl which was cool, and eventually we left, i got home around 1 somethin, went online real fast, attempt to call pete, to see perhaps he'l speak to me but he didnt answer, and then of course he turn his phone off, so i guess hes mad at me or somethin, idk anymore, i was too outta my head to worry paranoid like i usual do so then i eventually passedout, then today [thrusday] slept slept slept you get the picture, all i want to do is sleep, nothing else, and then finally i woke up around 2 something, try pete, it was off, try later it was on, but he didnt answer =/ so then i talked to chris for a bit, and now im bored online drinkin coffee, no idea whats goin on tonite i have nothing planned for once so if u wanna chill hit me up but im for now later ppl

THE ENTIRE BLOG IS WRITTEN LIKE THIS. Also all her entries start with "so lastnite (sic) [day of the week] i was bored" then no period. Every. Single. One. You could just exclude that thought all together after the first, oh, four entries because after that it's implied, isn't it?
Also every single would-be sentence is so generic. So I did this, then this happened, then this happened, then I did this, then... Goddamn liven up your thoughts once and a while you illiterate.
I would say this is the work of a four year old, but apparently not because she(?)'s getting drunk and carrying on like a regular grown up idiot.
Also no one ever calls. It's always "hit up" which is now going on my shit list of "terms I never want to hear".
It's a skill I was taught in fourth grade. Telling a story via its relevant and most important points and culling the irrelevant information. I seem to recall a rather grand project about making a haunted house out of shoe boxes, then we had to tell a story using only the vital information from each shoe box section.

so lastnite [monday] after i updated i was bored for a bit, just chilled online, nothing special, talked to a couple of ppl, fed the animals, talked to tina who i havent talked to in forever, i was suppose chill with her later but it didnt happened, then i did some cleaning and then i went online was bored a bit more then my mom came home and i talked to her for a bit, then my damn cat somehow got into my room and ate my cigs,

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Also there seems to be a problem with past tense. "didnt happened" sounds like a three year old babbling.
In fact, that's exactly how this reads.
Also "so I was bored" occurs with such regularity I might as well call it a conjunction as it bridges one part of a sentence to another. Apparently even a half a minute of "not doing anything" is boredom to her. I remember whan I was three I got bored easily too.

so i just watched dane cook

Somehow I'm not surprised you'd be a Dane Cook fan. Also "back" has a c in it. Just thought I'd tell you.

food from panda express i never ate there before i had some chicken kong fu shit, idk it was mad good actually but really spicey but it sucked cause it kinda made me sic afterwards.

"sic" is how I'd describe this entire blog.

oh well and then we walked around for a bit and then saw some ppl i knew and then eventually we left and went into the verizon store cause ryan wanted to look at phone's and i saw the cute pink blackberry phone i want too bad i dont have money aha and then we left and i came home around 7ish,

That's kind of funny, isn't it? Someone who can't speak wants a communication device?
Ready for the biggest horror story about this wide-awake nightmare?
She has updated nearly every single day since 2002.
THAT'S SIX YEARS OF ENTRIES.
Assuming she did update every day (some days have none but others have four, so it probably evens out) that's 2190 entries.
TWO THOUSAND ENTRIES.
I was wondering what sort of creature would write this, and thankfully she posted pictures of herself. I figured she'd have too much makeup on because why not.
Soulless eyes peer past a broken nose and-- that's all I have.
She also dresses like I imagined. You know, like an idiot.
So I guess that's it. I'd comment further, but if it came between having to read another entry or the thumb screws, I'd have a decision to make.
There's no advice for this. What can I say? "Write like an adult with some tact and thought"? "Stop being such a boring twat"? That'd never happen because that would involve thought and skill. Only advice I can give is "never write again."
Yeah, that'd be my advice to her. "Piss off."
OH WAS HE JOKING ABOUT NEVER UPDATING AGAIN?