FLATTERING CAMERA ANGLES

Ever notice when people paste their own picture all over their blog it's always black and white shots at an obtuse (usually high angle)? Hides the fact you're fat and ugly far better than conventional shooting.
Also most of these shots are self-taken to hide the fact whatever spawn owns the blog is crushingly alone.
Anyway, Journal of Fbrobey.
First, today's writer's block:

If you worked for a newspaper, which section of the paper would you like to write for, and why?

Definitely advice. Although 90% of my advice would be "fucking kill yourself."
Hope my paper has a killer insurance policy~

Geeky as this sounds I've been thinking a lot lately about trying to incorporate my enjoyment and love of writing with my interest in science, so I'd love to be a scientific correspondent reviewing journals and commenting on new discoveries...

Wouldn't you need some sort of qualifications to do that?
No I guess not, actually.

I'm home for Easter and by God is the break a welcome one. I say break, but I still have university work coming out of my ears, I'm just not currently having anything added to the pile meaning I actually feel like I'm accomplishing something unlike before.

Whatever.

I have actually completed my epic coursework list apart from the one piece of biochemistry coursework, which doesn't bear thinking about for now.

I SAID WHATEVER. SHUT UP.

So yesterday I was too drained to really explain what had happened, and I'll spare you all the details, basically though I text Jayne Wednesday night because I wanted her to know it wasn't her I had a problem with but didn't feel comfortable walking down with Milly.

Yes spare me the details because if you give me the details I might actually comprehend what's going on for once. It's not like the two sentences of exposition would make this essay in bullshit any shorter.

This turned into her telling me she didn't think me living there next year was a great idea either and I'm just sick of it. I ended up crying myself to sleep much later than I planned and had to be up early the next morning (yesterday). Miraculously I managed to get my arse out of bed in time, and stood outside with Gen and Amy while I waited for Aimee to appear. She didn't Milly and Jayne did and they both walked past me with looks on their faces as if I was a piece of unpleasant shit on their shoes.

Milly and Jayne with a y. What do they know?
Seriously what the fuck is going on?

Had a pretty awful day I have to admit, again following on with the "Milly" theme. Currently can't be assed to make an explaining post so shall leave that to tomorrow when I'll be posting anyway as in precisely 12 hours 10 minutes I will have in my sweaty little mitts the result of January's 5 exams... wish me luck! :/

Oh here's the anticipatory post in relation to the drivel I just copied.
So we have an introduction to the post that doesn't actually explain anything.

So last night I came to the conclusion I really can't bear the idea of four new freshers, especially as next year is my last and most important year, I'll have a dissertation to do as well as lectures and will need all the ease and peace and quiet I need. I thought Milly can't tell me what to do so I'm just going to move in, Jayne and Aimee want me there anyway. So I sent her this message:

Oh good, some exposition on this issue.
Want to bet it will explain precisely dick?

"Hiya milly, I'm sorry to bring this up again, I know you don't really want to live with me next year and trust me I've been trying to find new people to share with me next year to respect your wish. However, everyone already has plans and Aimee doesn't want to leave your flat, which I completely understandm however this left me with the rather awful prospect of living with 4 new freshers next year, I hope you can appreciate this isn't something I really want as I want to spend my last year with friends and I need peace and quiet with a dissertation to write. I'm sorry if this is going to upset you but I'm moving into the double room next year, I want to make the most of my degree, which I'm sure you know. You have my word it'll be like living with a ghost if you want, I can stay in my room to avoid tension, after all I don't want to cause trouble. Hope you understand and I'm sorry if this upsets you, I did try the alternative first xx"

So apparently she did something (or maybe not) and now her roommates are pissed so they want her to move out but she'd be living with freshmen so she doesn't really want to do that--
got it.
What'd she do, I wonder?

"You won't live with new house mates this year yet you made us live with new house mates last year... hmm yes fair... you have brought this situation on yourself and as they say make your bed and lie in it. To be honest I'm really not happy and frankly don't give a stuff where you live as long as it's not with me. You say you will be a ghost in this flat so why the hell not where you are currently if you are going to stay in your room it should make little difference to you. You say you want to live with your friends, yet to be honest only one of us in this flat even count you as one since xmas before last."

Burn I guess.
This all reeks of melodrama that's exciting for exactly three seconds and then I get bored and start to stare into the middle distance.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there is no more exposition on this subject. Nothing ever says "here's what I did to make everyone hate me" which leads me to believe whatever it was is probably her fault.

Okay well I never really left my diet, though it's certainly not doing the good it was earlier this year so time for a kick start as I said a couple of days ago. My exercise class at home is run by a wonderful lady known as Pat, who is so helpful and supportive. I have a dress in my sights and I really want to look good in it and my sister is in the same conundrum. I'm currently UK dress size 16 and 12 stone 8 lbs (as of the wii fit this morning). By July next year I'm hoping to be down to a UK 12 (at a push but I'd love to do it) and as close to 10 stone as I can get.

Bri'ish.

So Pat suggested a diet known as the Dukan Diet it's a 4 phase diet developed by a French nutritionist. Take a look if you like but the four phases are essentially as follows:

1st phase: Attack phase - eating proteins only (lean meat, eggs, water, fat free dairy and tea/coffee and fat free fizzy drinks) this lasts for a week maximum

2nd phase: Vegetables are added (except for starchy ones such as beans, peas, sweetcorn and potatoes)

3rd phase: once target weight/size is achieved normal food is slowly added (e.g. bread potatoes etc) 2 days for every 1lb lost

4th phase: final stabilization, 1 pure protein day a week and a portion of oats everyday to keep cholesterol low.

In addition to this I have to do 30 minutes walking each day, which I'd happily do since it helps to destress me at uni. I also plan to try and keep up jogging (instead of walking some of the days) and also swimming once a week.

I have a revolutionary diet: take whatever you do eat and just eat half of it.

Why is it whenever something wrong is done to me it's my fault anyway?

Your fault for not predicting it and preventing it.
Takes two people to make a butthurt, you know.
Here's a post entitled "I'm 60% a virgin" and I'm having trouble with not only this statement but the math as well.
I'm sure it'll be disappointing but let's take a peek.

Stolen from Diane. Add up how many are unchecked and that’s your virginity percentage.

Oh it's a dumb meme thing.
Fuck it I am even more disappointed than I expected.
Here's an online quiz that confirms she's an attention whore (thanks internet, next thing I know you'll suggest you have to licking a stamp makes it sticky so you can stick it to shit)--
about 100000 memes--
Words I'm not reading--
Oh man this so bad I'm going to have to bust out a word I've never even used before and had to make sure actually existed before I wrote it.
This is really stultifying.
I've never been so enthusiastic to write an update only to have all the will sapped from me. I don't think you could have stripped my zeal for life out faster if you tazed me right in the coconut.

It's funny how a single thought can strike you and turn your perspective of that particular day completely. Manipulate a good day into a bad day, taint your heart with a melancholy undertone.

It really is.
What?

I didn't think my birthday would ever be the trigger for such a mood, yet here I sit, typing out yet another miserable journal entry because I don't seem to know how to do anything but whine about my life lately.

LIVEJOURNAL EXPLORES NEW GROUND.

I have my health, my mind and my whole future to look forward to.

To Zeus, All-Father:
I have found the perfect target for your shenanigans.
Love,
Tim.

So what's got me bluer than Saturn this time? In 15 days I will be celebrating my 20th birthday, which while exciting put things into a wild perspective for me.

Ah yes the big 20th birthday.
Yes.

I'll be halfway to 40, a third of the way to 60 and a quarter of the way to 80, by which time I'll probably be the lonely old lady pictured above, gazing out at the spattering rain wondering where my life went, how my glasses got so thick, my memory got so bad and my jowls so saggy.

The entire sum of your life adds up to one quarter of 80 years. Every single moment has added up to not even a quarter of a century.
Seriously how long do you want to live?
Imagine if life stretched on into infinity-- what would be the point in doing anything? The fact you have limited time to do shit is kind of your motivator.

Musing over big matters like who whatever little money I may have collected over the years will go to. Will I have a husband? Kids? Grandkids? If the past 20 years is anything to go by I'm supposing no.

Well to be fair you could really only have gotten married in the past two years.

Maybe I'll even think back to this moment and wonder what on Earth I ever had to whine about in comparison to the pains of crumbling bones, the frustration of stairs and the pang of loneliness when I realise it's my 80th birthday and not a single card has dropped on my doormat to tell me this, because no one remembers the bubbly young woman I once was.

Now that is sobering.
I actually had a similar thought while I was teaching at my shitty high school. "What if I look back on this and think it's nothing?"
So I've now vowed to make that the darkest chapter in my life.
So instead of whining like you I did the manly, Space Marine thing and took a vow.

Only the frail old lady with the mottled hands and mop of white curls occasionally seen wandering with her shopping trolley to Tesco every Wednesday just for a bit of company and a loaf of bread.

In fact I one day aspire to be old enough to use that as the excuse for how crotchety I am.

Maybe that little girl didn't realise that you should be careful what you wish for. That the promise she made to herself was a foolish one, that 15 years on she'd be sat typing this and regretting every carefree syllable of nonsense she would let escape her mouth without any comprehension of how hideous being old and alone must be.

YOU'RE 20.

She didn't really comprehend what being a spinster entailed. Did she realise the flow of hormones that came with puberty would change her perspective? How could she foresee the anguish of being a teenager watching her friends grow up, caged in an aging body, forced to face facts, scared and helpless.

I think there's a Warhammer quote for this.
I know that always cheers me up immensely.
Let's see. Theme: doubt, fear or perseverance?
We have:
Perseverance and silence are the highest virtues.
Fear is the Mind Killer.
The Mighty have no room for doubt.

The sparkling intuition that children have that makes them think nothing bad will ever happen to them as long as mummy and daddy are around being torn away in a messy operation that left many scars only seen from the inside.

I can't remember the moment they became separate. It happened in a whirlwind of spots, flab, taunting and embarrassment. Braces and glasses, disgust for my curls, attempting to eradicate them with brushing and gel.

Or how about this one?
The present changes the past from moment to moment. Only pray for the future to vindicate your action.

The awkward nerd trying to fit in with her peers, praying personality really does count for more than a pretty face and slim frame.

Only the insane prosper.

The realisation that it didn't, that my prettier friends were receiving valentines day cards and being asked on dates. The confusion when girls I would deem worse looking than myself also seemed to understand the art or dating. Now I have to dig deep to find the skipping carefree girl, peel through the layers of inner pensioner that seem to line my body, the part of me that worries, the cleaner, the tea-drinker to find the scared little girl shivering and blinking through tear filled blue eyes.

Cease purpose and die.
There is not a problem in your life that cannot be solved by a 5-15 word sentence from a Warhammer rulebook.
Anyway this entry has gone on long enough and suddenly I feel like doing something else that isn't a bunch of dumb melodramatic bullshit.

Apoplexy

Friends only! is a myth.
This blog is friends only and I kind of wish it were a myth too but here we are, so clearly I'm staring it down as I type.
I'm not sure how to describe this blog but it's pretty archetypal. "Woman being twit" would be the most obvious branding but I'm pretty sure if you look left you can find a listing of about 500 entries that share more than a passing similarity to that description.
It's not that I'm sexist it's just that most bloggers happen to be women.
Or act like women.
Anyway it's all very complicated.

Hello, peeps. Hello as well to bunny peeps, patriotic red/white/blue peeps, and the like. Just some updates, nothing too thrilling, but you're still reading, so yay.

I just turned this song on and suddenly I feel a lot more stately than I did previously.
Name one soundtrack better than the Final Fantasy Tactics soundtrack.

Just got back int from walking the dog. Yes, we now have a dog. Crandall was giving away his dog, Bella, so we agreed to take her. I thought it was a bad idea to get a dog at this point in time, but I was overruled. She is cute, she's part golden retriever, part something else. She has very short ears. they're still the floppy kind, not the stick-uppy kind. I like her, she's a sweet, affectionate dog, but very stubborn.

I'd just like to take a moment to say bloggers as a whole have a very bad habit of telling, not showing. This single paragraph has more exposition than both of my two previous stories I've written combined.
Describe characters through action or their speech. If you can't and you can't mention it in passing, the detail is irrelevant and the audience doesn't need to know!
WRITING.

I am sick and tired of being here. There are too many people in the god damned house all the time. I can never get any peace. The people that are supposed to be here invite a shit ton of people over. They make noise, eat our food, and leave messes everywhere. I am tired of there always being someone else in the bathroom every time I turn around to want to pee or shower. I'm tired of having to go upstairs and fill up plastic jugs full of water to lug downstairs to refill the animal's water bowl, or to rinse my pasta. I'm tired of having a broken dryer, tired of stepping in water from a leaky toilet valve every time I go into the bathroom. I'm tired of scrounging food out of whatever I can, because the food stamp budget runs out halfway through the month.

Oh tired of scrounging food?
Looked into an occupation?

I remember at one point eating two meals a day for an entire week consisting of spoonfuls of peanut butter, and glasses of chocolate milk. Not even sandwiches, because gluten free bread is not one of those things that's cheap and can buy anywhere, like regular bread.

Living on handouts means you have to get rid of your fictional food allergies.

So, yeah, just eating peanut butter off a friggin' spoon.

Is there anything better than a spoonful of peanut butter?

Hello, all. I'm at Craige's house.

How do you pronounce "Craige" exactly?
Is it like Craig?
Cray-j (soft g)?

Been here for three days. It's kind of nice so far, except today Craige's mom stole his money and drove off like a frigging dirty thief. It's disgusting. Anyway. Enough disgust. I've just been chilling since I got here. Craige ordered some bulk foods from amazon for me.

Crayj.
Cray-guh?

We're also going to go to Famous Dave's. It's a barbecue place that makes these ribs that are amazing. They re-awakened my love for barbecue. They have, like, five different kinds of sauces sitting right at the table, it's fantastic, and they're all delicious. We'll probably see a movie while we're there, 'cause it's movie theater-adjacent.

I can't eat gluten but ribs with God-knows-what kind of sauce goes down smooth as butter.
I know ribs have nothing to do with an inability to digest gluten but I dunno I still call bullshit.

I wish I could socialize more. I know a ton of people that would hang out with me(unless they're just saying that 'cause they know they'll never meet me), but everyone lives far away. The only local friend that I have is Sarah, and she's never here anymore. If I'm lucky, I see her once a month now, when she used to come over every frigging day in the past.

What about cree-guh?

When she does visit, it's only for a very short period, like maybe 15 minutes, half an hour, something like that. I'm sure everybody who passes through this house (my brother's friends, basically), wonders why I'm always in my room, on the computer, talking to Craige all the time.

Kraid.
You know, from Metroid?

Are there any subjects you either embrace or totally avoid talking about when you meet someone new?

I'll talk about whatever dumb bullshit they want to talk about because if we talk about what I want to talk about they'll get lost.
Peasantry.

Er, religion. People tend to think I worship the devil or something. I'm a Wiccan, not a Satanist. :P

You're a bullshitter is what you are.
True story: I pissed a girl in high school off once in science class and she wanted to cast one of her little Wiccan spells on me but needed my permission.
What kind of bullshit spellcasting is that? You need the victim's permission to inflict harm? Who is going to say yes?
Well I did because I feel my collective video game experience would at least give me high magic resistance and either it didn't work or I'm right because here I sit.

Internal Monologue:

One Part of my Brain: "I laugh at people and think they're hugely lame dorks when they freak out over something I'm not interested in. Then I turn around and dork out like crazy over Harry Potter and Eragon. Does that make me a hypocrite?"

Other Part: "Yes. Yes it does."

Internal monologue:
One part of my brain: holy shit this woman is a cunt.
Other part: holy shit, yes.

Well, I figures it's about time I make another post. It's been about ten days since my Birthday, and I still don't feel any different. I think it's because I got used to referring to myself as 25 before I actually turned 25, so the transition wasn't strange.

There's a lot of transitioning to be done from age 24 and 364 days to age 25.

Anyway, I feel especially immature right now, because yesterday I had a dream that I was still in school. I mean, high school, or junior high, not like college.

You're supposed to be out of college by the time you're 25.
Unless you're a doctor.

In the dream I felt that I was going back to school, but not that i was done with it, but I had one more year that I didn't attend, so that's why I was there. Like dreams are supposed to, it gave me the feeling I was actually there. Not the physical feeling, but the emotional state that I felt when was actually in school. I wish I could interpret dreams well. All I can do is guess what they might mean for me. Do I feel I'm still too young? Do I feel like I reached adulthood too soon, that I should still be in school?

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE?
IS THIS JUST FANTASY?
CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE
NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY
OPEN YOUR EYES

Well the only way I can learn about the real world is to go out into it, there's really no other way. One thing I'm very sure of is I can't stand being so far away from Craige all the time.

Kratos. From God of War?
Also god of power in Greek mythology.
I don't know why I can't get over this Craige name.

I get this anxiety sometimes when we're close to saying goodnight on Skype, like I desperately don't want to say goodbye to him. I don't want to hang up and go to bed alone. Craige is urging me to see a therapist;

Kaldor.
From Warhammer?
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I think "Craige" vaguely reminded me of "Kraid" from Metroid if you pronounce it with a soft g sound but now I'm just thinking of fictional characters whose names start with a K sound.

he has one, and he talks about how much better it makes him feel. I know it would be so liberating to pour all my feelings out, all my anxieties and worries and perhaps articulate these feelings I don't have a name for. I'm not suicidal, or depressed, thankfully, but it would be nice to talk with someone and work out some of my issues, maybe improve myself a little bit. I want to wait until Mom comes home, to suggest therapy for me. Dad worries about me too much, sometimes irrationally so.

Maybe that's where you learned that behavior from?
Everyone should pay me to solve their problems.
However you must take my advice.

I want to go down to Craige's, but I don't want to leave right after she gets here.

Kayvaan Shrike.
Also from Warhammer.
I can do this as long as you can, Craige.

Hello, everyone, today is my 25th birthday! Yay! Nothing going on today, really. Dad's going to give me my present when he gets home from work later.

He's going to molest you.
It's long overdue.
I don't even know what I mean by that.
I think I just advocated child molestation in this blog.
Most tasteless joke I've ever told?

I swore to post more, and I haven't, really. I'm ashamed. Not that there's been much to post about, but still. Dad's still in Florida, I've been basically by my lonesome here. Chris, my brother, is usually working at his job where he makes money that he spends only on himself. Feh.
Well it is his money.

See what I mean? If only the father had done is fatherly duty and molested her a little it might have evened her out.
Ok I'll stop.

I keep getting up really late, like quarter to five or so, which is not good. It's a hard cycle to break. I'm not tired until late(early?), because I got up really late, so then I wake up late because I stayed up late, etc. I forced myself to bed, around 4:30.

I fall asleep at 5 and I still manage to get up at 1.
SUMMER MOTHERFUCKER WOOO.

Random thought: When you change your name, what happens when you need to show your birth certificate for something? How is that all taken care of?

... They give you a new birth certificate?
Are you stupid or something?

Also, I found out Craige's mother

The Aggro Crag.
From GUTS?
Remember that show?
Yeah me neither.

is even more of a shit person than I thought she was. The day after the accident, I wasn't cleaning my dishes. I was just leaving them in the sink. Because I was in pain. Up until then, I've been trying to clean up after myself. I just wanted to rest as much as I could. Well, it turns out she was bitching to Craige that there were dishes in the sink. She was angry that I, who was in severe pain, didn't wash dishes one day. The messed up thing is that she didn't even yell at me for it. She yelled at Craige.

Oh boy. I need two things that sound vaguely like "Craige" now.
Well if "Kayvaan Shrike" counts this shouldn't be an issue--
Maybe I should actually read these words instead of just playing this weird game.
Sorry I can't get more than two words without my eyes crossing. Something about dishes and an accident--
OH
YEAH.
Warhammer always bails me out. Pedro KANTOR and CANIS Wolfborn.
Hard K and hard K, baby.
Huh, what am I doing again?

Craige. She doesn't even care how much pain I'm in, and she doesn't care that Craige has nothing to do with my actions. Craige tells me that every thing I do that she has a problem with,

Oh God three Craiges in one sentence!
I'm in trouble now!
I also use that picture to reference my earlier quoting of Queen.
It felt more appropriate here, though, for some reason.
What am I doing?
Speaking of those creepy fucking snow monkeys:
I had an entire speech in Japanese class a few semesters ago about how those snow monkeys are the devil.
Seriously every year they come down from their creepy mountains (more like the mouths of hell) and kill a bunch of old people.
And this is your national treasure, Japan? Really?
Compare and contrast:
snow monkey
Predator
Beady yellow eyes, creepy elongated face, killer instinct
facial cloaca--
and hey, while the Predator was bound by the code of the hunt and they'd only fight targets they find challenging, snow moneys frequently target old women and young girls.
I HAVE CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN SNOW MONKEYS ARE MORE OF A MENACE THAN PREDATOR ALIENS.

So, I thought I was having a good day. I went to the beach, with my brand spanking new bathing suit, and sat on the beach and let the waves wash over me. I splashed around, and had a wonderful time. Craige

Oh right. I've been derelict of duty.
I need four Craige counters now.
Uhh--

and I walked back to the house, and I got in the shower to wash the sand out of my bathing suit. I kept it on in the shower, so I could just take it off and rinse the sand out while I showered. I decided to sling my suit over the curtain rod. Unfortunately, it's not attached to the wall. I slipped, the curtain rod came down, and I fell and hit the side of the bathtub square in the chest. I crawled out of the bathroom, half naked, and gasping for air, and collapsed onto the floor of Craige's room. I was sopping wet, in severe pain, and I couldn't breathe. His mom got me a towel, and I had to sit there and try to catch my breath. I was in a lot of pain, so they drove me to the E.R.

Ha, ha, ha oh God.

I managed to put on my pajamas before I left, thankfully. I was seen fairly quickly, for which I was thankful. I got x-rayed, and it turns out there was no severe damage. I didn't fracture any ribs, and I didn't mush any organs. While I was waiting, they gave me a motrin and a percoset. It didn't kick in until I was getting ready to leave. I don't know why everybody's always going on about pain medication. I thought it felt horrible.

Well yeah. They gave you Percocet because you fell on your bottom.

Today's Craige's 25th birthday, also our 2nd anniversary. We've been together two years already! It's hard to believe. We're going out to dinner tonight. It's this place called Ginza, it's a japanese restaurant. It's the kind where they cook the food in front of you. I believe it's called a hibachi grill.

Not sure though.
Google? What?

A word/phrase I love for a reason I cannot discern: "Clusterfuck".

Suggestions for "Clusterfuck" by spellcheck: Cluster, Lackluster, Blusterous, Knuckleduster. What the hell is a knuckleduster?

Brass knuckles you twit.
Other things I don't know:
Google.com
Wikipedia.org
Asking a friend

I realize how bad my problems with gluten are, how much I've lapsed on my diet lately. At the present, I'm reading a thread in the celiac comm about someone who has problems resisting foods with gluten, just like I do. I think I'm going to go write negative stuff about gluten on the chalkboard decals in my room, stuff like, "Eating gluten gives you CANCER!" Because it very well could.

Too bad it can't give you rapid-onset AIDS.

I know Mom and Dad won't like this, but I'm going to ask for my own pots, pans, and instruments for myself, which nobody is allowed to use but me, A.K.A. "Dedicated" stuff.

DENATURING PROTEINS VIA CHEMICAL INDUCTION?
IMPOSSIBLE. YOU SPEAK IN RIDDLES, SORCERER!

The only reason they won't like it is because this costs money for extra pans, which we are low on at the moment. At least I know that when Craige and I have our own place one day, he's okay with our house being completely gluten free. Just have to deal here, the best I can.

Or you could get some dish soap.
Seriously if you can get the starch out of flour by soaking it in cold water I think a little Dawn will get that shit off your pots.
Anyway this entry is way too long now so I'm going to go find something more productive to do with my time.

CUNTINESS

I bet all three of you reading this thought "hey, we're up to day six with no mention of that Meanest Mom cunt," well you impatient twat today is your lucky day.
I know I've spoken at large (this is the fifth entry on the subject) but the most recent entry was this one.
I rather enjoy my opening to this post:

Like a dog returning to its vomit, I find myself returning to the subject of THE MEANEST MOM (ALL CAPS POWERS ACTIVATE!)

It's like it's written to compel you to read further or something.
How do I do it?
Well enough of tooting my own horn, let's begin.

This morning I went to the post office to mail a couple last minute gifts. Everything went fine, except for the fact that somehow I managed to get my dad's Christmas gift stuck in the mail bin.

Recurring theme in this blog: she does something stupid and expects the world to fix it for her.
TYPICAL WOMAN AM I RIGHT GUYS?
Wow that was really uncalled for, even by my usual standards.

After waiting in a ridiculously long line, I notified the woman at the front counter of my predicament. She told me that what happened to me "happens all the time" and that someone would "try" to get the package out later that afternoon.

Ha, ha wow you're getting trolled hardcore.

"If another customer doesn't figure out a way to get to it first," she told me with a hysterical laugh.

Wow not only is she not going to do anything she doesn't even give a fuck if your shitty package gets stolen. I'd give this woman a high five.

I have something very special to give away this week!!!!!

It is incredibly awesome and something that every family would love to have in their home for the holiday season.

I'm not going to tell you what it is (surprises are rad),

A gun.

but I will give you two clues:

Oh I love these kind of games. I'm always spot on.

1. It's a gift that keeps on giving. I got it on Friday night, in the middle of Ikea, and still have it!!!!!

A deep dicking.

2. You won't be able to keep it to yourself! This gift is not for the stingy. No matter how hard you try to keep it all to yourself, it will be nearly impossible not to share it with somebody.

Definitely a deep dicking.
Also stop getting on my shit about my spelling, Firefox. Dicking is so a word.

I love a good giveaway and this one is, I'm sure you'll all agree, pretty awesome!!!!

I bet it's a cold, eh heh heh heh I like my suggestion better.

Last week, the family who lives across the street got a dog.

Today, a man came and installed an invisible fence around their yard. The concept is genius: every time the dog crosses the line, it gets a little bit electrocuted.

Radio waves, actually.

This weekend, my husband and I took our older kids on a short cruise to the Bahamas. We specifically left Cameron at home so we could do some fun activities together as a family.

Yeah fuck you Cameron. Too young to remember shit anyway.
I do enjoy the implication that Cameron was left home alone at the ripe old age of 3 or whatever he is now.

I shouldn't have bothered.

All my kids wanted to do the whole time was watch television in their cabin.

Amazingly cruises aren't too interesting to 10 year olds.

"We didn't come here to watch T.V.," I told them. "Let's go check out the buffet or something."

Lesson of the day: staying home saves money and all the fun activities are already there.

My husband ticked off the options on his fingers. "How about ping pong?" he asked. "Or shuffleboard or basketball? At 3 o'clock, we can learn how to fold towels into the shape of animals."

I came 2000 miles to play basketball?
Dad, have you ever heard of a playground?
Or, no, my mistake: shuffleboard. What year is this? How old are you people?

On Saturday night, I went to the grocery store. Before I left the house, I asked if anyone wanted to go with me.

No. No one wants to be near you. Away with ye.

My husband and Cortlen ignored me (they were watching a football game). Camber came into the room with a brush, a bottle of hair spray, and two packages of glittery hair clips.

"I would go, but I have things to do," she explained

I understand. I, too, am often busy.

I didn't really want to take Kellen because he looked like a homeless person, but by the time I found my keys, he was already in the car.

The drive to the grocery store took exactly three minutes...plenty of time, I learned, to have a conversation about just everything in the entire planet.

Or everything worth talking about, anyway.
Also I like how she doesn't want to take the one kid because he looks homeless but isn't that kind of the responsibility of the parents to, I dunno, raise their kids or something? Is this kid living in such Spartan conditions that he can look homeless?

Kellen: "Do you know what? I wouldn't go walking in the woods right now. You wouldn't be able to see a panther because it's so dark. Isn't that crazy?"

Yes, the wild panthers of Florida.

Me: "Why are we talking about panthers?"

Panthers are fucking rad is why. The kid's right. They blend into the night, then they melt out of the shadows and maul you to death. A day in the life of an average panther is 100 times more awesome than your entire existence, woman.

Kellen: "Do you know what? If a rabid dog bites you, you have to get three shots in your arm that are as thick as peanut butter. Did you know that?"

And back in the day it was 20 shots in the gut. Be glad you were born when you were.

The scene: an overpriced department store

The purpose for our visit: to purchase a $100 group gift card for a relative who just had a baby

Ah fuck I just got disconnected from my game in the middle of splitting a wind crystal. Well there's 1 crystal down the drain.
And now it thinks I'm still logged in. Oh, right. What are you taking about that's of no significance?

After paying for the item, I put the card in my purse. My kids were quiet until we got outside. And then they let me have it.

"You paid $100 for that?" Camber screeched. "That's a total rip-off!"

Oh Christ who even cares?

Camber spends her money the instant that she gets it, usually on things that I abhor.

"It would be great if you didn't buy that tub full of tiny beads," I told her as she plopped the object into my shopping cart this afternoon.

This is where guidance and parenting come in I understand.
Or you could not crush the life out of your children, I dunno.
It really is your fault for having so many.

One of my greatest joys in life is picking up thousands of microscope beads off the floor...one by one.

Oh what's it like living in the fucking stone age? I was about to say "you know a vacuum would expedite the process" but come to think of it so would a fucking broom and dust pan.

"Christmas is coming soon," I begged. "Maybe Santa will get it for you."

Yeah nice try your kids are like 10. Way too old to fall for shit like that.

My kids aren't the smartest kids in the universe, but they have enough brain cells to know that the Santa that comes to their house doesn't love them as much as the Santa that comes to their friends' houses.

WHY WOULD YOU HAVE CHILDREN IF THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM?
What, there weren't enough people in the world to experience your cuntiness you had to produce four of your own to show?
And it really took you a long time to realize that maybe you shouldn't have had any at all. I understand two are twins (which is knowing more about your life than any stranger should know) but even then that means you gave this pregnancy and childbearing, not to mention raising thing four goes.

"Santa would never buy me something like that because hates us," my daughter told me. "All he buys me are books and toys without batteries."

WELL PSYCHE OUT MOTHERFUCKERS THIS YEAR WE'RE GETTING A PS-TRIPLE.

Since ascending into adulthood, I have been a member of 17 book clubs. Or so it feels.

Ascending.
The Temple of the Emperor Ascendant is all I can think of for some reason.
That's where Reclusiarch Grimaldus had his last stand at Hellsreach, wasn't it?
Oh thanks for letting me back into FFXIV, SE. Only took you 13 fucking minutes.
All right bitch, back to your alembic. We got wind shards to make.

Unlike most other social events, I find book clubs to be thoroughly enjoyable. On all but two occasions, I have read the assigned book and then neglected to show up for the meeting to discuss it.

I would be the worst at book clubs. I'd just tell the entire club what we should read, call their selections stupid and then do what I wanted anyway.

"You don't like book clubs," my husband corrected. "You like reading lists."

Last week, I joined my eighteenth book club. The first meeting was in a conference room at the public library. The book club leader began the meeting by asking each of us to make a list of things that we like to read about.

I want to read Hellsreach again. The best Warhammer book ever.
Actually Legion is better by a slim margin.

I didn't know what to write first, so I put down "infectious diseases."

I have to give credit where credit is due: that sounds like something I would suggest.

"Like the Swine Flu?" the woman asked when she got to my paper.

"And HIV and Cholera and the Black Death," I added.

Fuck yeah.

All of the other lists in the room included mythical creatures.

HURRR TWILIGHT.
Let's read The Faerie Queene instead. MOTHERFUCKIN' SAINT GEORGE KILLS THE FUCK OUT OF A DRAGON.
Then lands some sweet Elven pussy, man that guy was a baller.
Yeah it sounds like the gayest thing ever written. The Fairy Queen, really?
But it's just hiding the most awesome thing ever written, practically.
It's like that movie Troy. It stars Brad Pitt as Achilles and you think "wow, Brad Pitt as a Greek. This is going to be homoerotic" and the first thing I see when I turn it on is Achilles throwing a spear through a guy's shield and through his fucking head.
Awesome.

All this week, my kids have been making drafts of Christmas lists. On Sunday, the final lists are due. Today we held a peer review.

Uh-huh. Why?
I can't even get 9th graders to do this activity correctly. How are you going to get 10 year olds to do it?

When Cortlen saw who was going to review his list, he started to cry. Camber cackled and rubbed her hands together in anticipation and excitement.

Just some good ol'-fashioned sadism I guess.

"Now I want you to circle three things on the list that you think the author would like the most," I told them.

I had no idea where this exercise was going or what purpose it served,

Oh. I was kind of joking about the sadism thing but I can't say I'm surprised.

Kellen was a good listener and circled everything on the list in front of him.

Camber wrote the word "butt" on Cortlen's list and had to be excused from the table.

Cortlen was so upset by what his sister did that he stabbed her paper with his pencil and had to be excused from the table as well.

Santa watched the whole spectacle through his magic telescope as he whispered "Merry Christmas" in my ear.

Well to be fair you kind of brought this on yourself.
Why would you even do something like this? I can't even begin to get the vague impression of the point of this activity outside of--
oh good, check it out:

Surplus EXP now.
Whatever, I'm leveling through that. Too close to the cap anyway to care about such nonsense.
I didn't even know you could get fatigue on EXP. Did I just discover this?
Oh right, you.
Uhhh--
In conclusion, you're a cunt.

DOUCHINESS

I feel like King Minos this week, coiling my great serpentine tail, each knot representing one further level of hell to which my victim sinks, then uncoiling it and throwing them deep into the Stygian abyss.
King Minos must be the only dude having fun in Hell because there is kind of a catharsis to it.
Today we have Embracable (not a word) Aberration (HERESY) from "Eris_Devotee" which if you didn't know Eris is the goddess of discord. If we take all Western mythology as a kind of continuous thing she has caused the following:
The Trojan War
The Founding of Italy
The Founding of England
The subsequent collapse of the Roman Empire
The Dark Ages
All from one event. Pretty damn impressive bit of trolling. In fact, it's probably the troll.
You might remember this douche from this entry entitled "Life's the same" where I astutely note:

Also as a supposed "devotee to Eris" shouldn't you be glad at the discord in your life? I mean that is what Eris does, you know.

But no it's incessant whining about bullshit most of these revolve around health issues which I'm almost positive are fictional.
Also I'd like to take this time to mention that yes, like Dante's Inferno each day is a progressively worse sin.

The weather is not cooperating with my attempts to switch over to yet another psychiatrist. bleh. I just need meds, I'm not interested in the head-shrinking right now.

I AM WEAK AND WORTHLESS AND JUST NEED MEDS. I DON'T NEED TO CONFRONT MY PROBLEMS.

I need a doc who finds pot a non-issue, or is at least familiar enough with its effects that there's no perceived potential conflict with the other meds I take.

I'm sure doctors take a similar agreement to teachers in this regard: legally they're not allowed to hear you talk about illegal activities without reporting it. Kid comes in telling me he's high? Whoa, gotta write it up. Sorry kid.
Personally feelings about pot aside I am legally required to do it. My personal thoughts have no bearing on this issue.
It's called being an adult, Eris_Devotee. Where real life is often disagreeable to sense.

It's a simple equation - without weed I can't eat. Or better phrased - I just don't eat. It's not merely an appetite thing. I have gut problems from auto-immune issues and pot eases the post-eating cramping.

Uh-huh.
You do realize pot helps with nausea, not muscle cramps, yeah? A muscle relaxant is what you need.

They'd give me muscle relaxers, and pot is MUCH easier on the system than daily use of flexeril/etc, so I don't see the problem and I can't trust a doc who lectures me for 20 minutes, at both visits, about WEED.

Because you're completely insane and pot does not help with muscle cramps.
He was probably just trying to convince you you need help which I'm sure was an uphill battle.

I've never even had a doc lecture me like that about cigarettes and those are actually bad for me.

Pot has a lot of bad shit in it too, you know. You just tend not to smoke it as much so the effects aren't (in theory) as bad. I mean most healthy people can stand it perfectly well but for someone with as many health problems as you claim to have I'd be a little careful.

I keep trying to write my annual year in review, but egads a lot happened this year... and most of it wasn't documented in this journal. For the first time since I started this thing, I stopped posting almost daily... I went to semi-monthly... EEP.

OH NO WHAT A LOSS!

Sure, it took almost getting a divorce, dancing on the edge of dying and the removal of a piece of my body to get here, but here is where I landed.

This sounds almost interesting, so let's be sure to skip right over it.

Perhaps compared to the population at large, I can't consider what I have right now to be "good health" but compared to my own relative scale I'm 10 years healthier.

Called it.

I'm not delusional about still having lupus, though, and I'm not rushing back to my former non-stop productivity bullshit.

Oh, ho, ho what a turn of events. I called that fuck so hard.
I don't know why I'm proud of myself over this achievement because it's clear she's just mental but fuck it I'm awesome.

Bob is in therapy and taking meds and for the first time in his life he can recognize symptoms of anxiety and separate them from his circumstances (ie - not blame something going on around him for what is going on inside of him).

Your environment can cause anxiety, though. Anxiety isn't a bad thing that happens, only when it happens for no reason. It's like fear or anger, or your natural aversion to bitter things: there is an evolutionary purpose for it.

OMG Sharon, it was you? Fuck you, you goddamned drama queen.

Oh.
So before I had her pegged at the seventh circle of hell (anger) but now I'm moving her to eight (fraud), specifically Bolgia 6: hypocrisy.

You didn't bother calling about my surgery... so why the fuck would you read my journal? You don't care about anyone but yourself, and that's SO obvious with everything that has happened with Bob.

Shit, calling her out. I guess. What's happening? Who is Sharon?

All you've ever offered him was someplace to sleep - but your "advice" has always made his life worse when he takes it.

That's only Bolgia 2, though: flatterers. I would say, by Dante's reckoning, you are the worse person.

Besides, it's not like you haven't had your share of bad things to say about me. Do you even know the meaning of the word "hypocrite"?

Apparently you don't, because you bitch that she's complaining about you where you can read it while complaining about her where she can read it.
My only conclusion is off with both your heads.

Susan - you are an asshole. Why do you read this journal? Oh, right - because your pathetic life doesn't leave you with much else to do. Or maybe you're obsessed?

I like this new turn where she's just calling all of her readers out. I'm waiting for "anonymous asshole who said mean things about me on the internet" because if anyone is self-obsessed enough to find my blog, it is her.

the nephew who is being socially promoted through high school... oh, he's in a band, and he spent better than an hour watching himself in his mother's mirror making his poses. Meanwhile, some other kid is playing till his fingers bleed and I wonder which one will go anywhere with their music.

Have you even heard modern music?

Adding Graves to lupus was proving to be potentially fatal for me,

Graves' in general is potentially fatal.
Actually so is Lupus, come to think of it.
Well fortunately you're just crazy the old-fashioned way.

GOOD STUFF

I'm already busting out of my new bras.

:\

My concerted effort to gain weight has been successful and I'm at 115. 5 more lbs to my goal, and by that time I'll be a 34-D. I'm a 32 C/D right now and I've got me some 37 inch hips!

:/

WAH I wanna be out of limbo,

Good news, then: I have you pegged at layer 8, bolgia 6 in Hell. Congratulations! You almost cannot get much lower.

This morning I had a consultation with a thyroid specialist (which is a sub-specialty of endocrinology)

Oh, a thyroid specialist, dealing specifically with the thyroid, part of the endocrine system, is an endocrinologist. Thanks for that.

I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for the proper circumstances for thyroid surgery.

REMEMBER YOUR FORMATION, BROTHERS!
TO THE WALL!
THESE BUSHES WILL PROVIDE COVER!
I've been revisiting Dawn of War 2 between leatherworking in FFXIV.
Which, speaking of:

Even though this is wildly inaccurate, even at the time of writing.
Leatherworking (that would be the middle one, currently) has moved up an entire three, three, three (!) ranks in two days. Also good ol' Edie is approaching level 41. Nine more to go before I can bitch about no longer gaining experience as indeed 50 is the cap. I add SP and EXP gains together to determine whether an action is worth performing and with no EXP gain at all I'll have to restructure my entire system.

Health = same/waiting.

Oh yes, back to this insanity.
I know you cannot physically measure no change over time because entropy is, by definition, change/time.
Oh we're actually treading old territory now. I mean, older territory. Territory I've already covered.
So read that old entry if you care so much.
Humbug.

Writer's Block, Writer's Block

Playing some Pokemon Online. I am currently ranked 33rd in the world on this fuck for 4th gen overused.
Awww my opponent forfeited. You still had four entire Pokemon, man! You could have pulled a stunning victory!
I mean you did let me set up two layers of toxic spikes and a DD up on my Gyarados but otherwise you weren't doing too bad.
Also I saw your discharge on your Lanturn coming from like 5 turns away but whatever.
Good show, good show.
That's always such a bullshit move to even try. "Gee that thing that's 4x weak to electricity, I'm going to try to hit it with electricity!" like I'm not already anticipating that possibility.
If I were smart I'd probably substitute something in my team for a ground type-- or an Electivire, hrm.
Oh right, this shit.
Actually come to think of it he probably raged when I switched into Blissey and he realized I had a stall team.
Best way to defeat an opponent is mentally~

Do you find holiday gift-giving more pleasurable or onerous?

Pleasurable because the stores have trained me to equate love with buying stuff.

I love giving gifts, especially when I see how happy that person is because of the gift I give them. That being said, I find gift giving more onerous than pleasurable.

I am terrible at thinking what my family wants for the holidays. They are horrible to shop for and when I ask for hints I get little to no response from them.

MONEY FOR EVERYONE, THEN~
Now here's an entry called Thanksgiving Prep. Mood: pessimistic. Music: Kesha.
I have a good feeling.

So once again I don't think I can properly respond to the writer's block question. Simply because my family doesn't have any traditions associated with Thanksgiving.

Let me respond to the writer's block without responding directly to the writer's block about how I don't have a response for the writer's block.
Have I ever seen an entry this pointless?

How many brothers and sisters would you choose to have, and why?

Mood: thoughtful
Music: Katy Perry
You sure do have great musical taste.

This is definitely an odd question, in fact it's so odd that I had to read it twice before I got what it was asking for.

Yeah that one line complex sentence sure is, well, complex. It's barely even a complex sentence, really. "And why" barely qualifies as another clause.
Although hold on, let's break this down--
on second thought let's not.

If you could conjure an animal spirit protector, which animal would you choose, and why?

Oh God fuck this question. No one seemed to understand this question and got hung up on the logistics of it. "How can I even summon a spirit protector?" "Can I pick a mythological creature?"
Here, let me solve this fuck for you idiots:
lion.
There.

This is like that "if you could be an animal" question. Now I could go two ways with this question, one if you don't exclude the mythical animals I would like a dragon spirit protector.

See? No one can just give a straight goddamn answer.
I like how she qualifies it. "Now I could go two ways--" yeah, you certainly could. You could go any way you wanted.

Cause Dragons are awesome and I've adored them since I was little. I'm going with the European version of a dragon rather than an Asian version. Because they seem bigger and breathe FIRE!!!!

... So do the Asian ones, what?
Also not all European dragons breathe fire. What about that one from Beowulf?
He didn't-- did he?

Do you believe that violence in media promotes violence in real life? Does media reflect cultural values or can it actively reshape them?

No, yes and no.
A lot of people like to get this backwards and say "no, yes and yes" or if you're really stupid "yes, yes and yes".

I think that it is a mix of both. I think it's entirely possible to become desensitized to violent acts by being overly exposed to something. You see people getting harmed on TV for entertainment's sake and soon it doesn't register with you and soon your shrugging of news reports of violence.
I would love to meet the person that is actively horrified by news reports.

"Oh no, a person I've never met and indeed will never know has been killed! THE HUMANITY!" Most people just don't give that much of a shit about people not themselves. Most people would gladly lie, though, to seem more humane than they actually are.

It can help to reshape them as well, by introducing new concepts to millions of viewers. Slowly but surely people's opinions can be changed by what they see on TV.

But that entire statement is so redundant it's stupid. The media is just the way people communicate with each other so you might as well be saying "do you think people can influence other people?" the actual media, that is, the machinery used to create it can't do anything without people working it.
Why do people treat the media like it's some alien entity not of this planet? It's just other jackasses like you running the cameras and writing the newspapers and shit.

What's your favorite thing to do on long car rides?

Mood: calm
Music: Only Girl in the World
I'm ashamed to know that song is by Rihanna.
I'm so glad she's updating me on her mood and what music she's listening to. Maybe I'll start doing it too.
Mood: frustrated at bullshit
Music: MOTHERFUCKIN' BILLY IDOL

Nothing beats a good book. I can just lose myself in the story and completely forget where I am and what's going on around me. This is especially good when I go for long car rides with my family.

So how about that FFXIV patch, eh?

Things can get tense some times so it's good to have something to distract me from all the drama. It's even better if I bring along my CD player as well.

I actually can't believe it turned out as well as it did. I mean I know SE promised all this shit but frankly who even believed you could accomplish that much in two months? All the lag is gone, the UI isn't a nested menu nightmare anymore, you can actually level in a timely manner-- no complaints at all, really.
Well there is one thing: they removed the "number of people playing currently" counter (presumably for spin control reasons) and that actually makes it impossible to tell how many people are currently in your area, which makes it hard to discern whether or not you can get a party in any given area.

Which phrase would you choose to replace the ubiquitous "Have a nice day" phrase?

I forget what I even suggested as an alternate. I can't even think of a time where I wished someone to have a nice day. HAVE A NICE DAY AND GOD BLESS HURRRR.

The geek in me is breaking free.... Live long and prosper!" That phrase is so positive and sweet if you truly look at it. Wanting someone to live a long life, hopefully free of sickness and diseases. Also wanting that person to have a relatively comfortable live with out struggle to make ends meet all the time. Your essentially wishing for their good health and monetary comfort.

... It doesn't say any of that shit. Literally all it says is "live a long time and do well." "Prosper" doesn't inherently mean living comfortably. It also doesn't mention struggling. In fact to prosper, especially amongst the stars, I imagine struggling would be a great part of it.
Yeah fuck you stop injecting your pussy bullshit into stuff.

Which songs have been covered better by artists who didn't originally sing them?

Don't You Forget About Me by Billy Idol, motherfucker.

This question is purely conjecture as everyone has different tastes.

As opposed to all of these others which have been purely objective. Putz.
Also "conjecture" implies a guess made at something with (presumably) an objective truth so you're still wrong. The word you were looking for is "subjective".

But I can think of one song that I know of that has been remade that's way better then what I think is the original. I can't help falling in love with you by UB40 is just the best, I truly enjoy listening to that song over and over again.

Oh great that's one of my favorite Elvis songs.

I think it was originally sung by Elvis, I'm not one hundred percent positive. I've heard that version and two others but UB40's is definitely the better one to me.

I think it's sung by Elvis. Whatever. What'd he do for music anyway? Not as much as UB40 for sure.
Who the fuck is UB40? I'm getting angry now.
Here we go.
Wow this is bad.
Dear Livejournal,
Mood: frustrated
Music: UB40's COVER OF A GREAT ELVIS SONG.

Who would you appoint as Earth's ambassador to alien races, and why?

Barack Obama. He's been doing such a bang-up job here on Earth I think he could really understand alien psychology.

This took some thinking and in the end I could not name a specific person.

Actually wait: the obvious answer is Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Did you people see Predator?
Well the Predator was invisible for most of the movie (presumably for monetary reasons) but you get what I mean.
Here's a post where she states she responds to the writer's block so often because her life is really boring (no shit).
I miss being able to browse Livejournal normally because now I just have to choose from people who just do the writer's blocks. Not that their answers aren't hilariously misinformed but whatever.

I'm all giddy cause Obama is finally taking office! I love the fact that someone I voted for finally won. I know he's not some miracle worker but hopefully things will start improving under his leadership. Other still bitches about him but they are die hard republican. I still think Other should give him a year or two to prove himself before they start bitching about how bad he is.

So everyone officially has your approval to bitch now?
Am I really back almost a year now? Good grief.
So let's boot up FFXIV, shall we?
Oh no my mind just went totally blank. Cassiopeia Hollow is near-- Bloodshore?
Yes~
Guess I'll solo here because I'm far too high level to party with these plebs.
46 SP at a time is pretty shitty but they die in 10 seconds so I'm not really sure--
Wow that one was really evasive.
Oh right, this.
Uh-- beat it.

Oh that's fucking great

You have to be 18+ to read today's blog. I'm going to need at least two forms of photo ID before I let you into this entry.
Today's WB:

What do you like to do when you can't get to sleep?

I like to hum Cars songs and play the drums on my mattress.

The internet , tv , online radio , reading fanfiction , eat my left over dinner and just waiting for me to go to bed .

I have a hard time sleeing eveing i about to go somewhere .

I have a hard time not speaking like a recently thawed caveman.

What's the craziest thing you've ever done to impress someone? Did it work?

I've been playing that new Fist of the North Star game today and whatever the craziest thing this bitch has done isn't half as crazy as the wringer Kenshiro goes through for this Yuria bitch.
He kills at least 20 scores of men that I know of in that entire animu before he even reaches Shin.
But before that Yuria jumps the roof to her doom but not really because some shadowy types rescue her but Kenshiro doesn't know that so Shin's already dead and then Yuria catches that same disease Toki has even though Toki had radiation sickness I thought--
Whew, that plot's all over the place.

Well, not much ... the only thing crazy thing i done to impress an guy is dress up in really sexy outfits and draw love pictures.

Ok ok i'm to shy for anything !

Sexy outfits.
It should be a felony to make "sexy outfits" in sizes greater than, errr, 6.
Is 6 big or small know? I know they were going to change the size to make fatties feel better but then I don't know what happened.

Hello everyone !

Halloween is now over .

Posted at 7:05 PM November 1st. I guess it is.
Oh that's fucking great. A post entitled "2 days until Halloween" and I have to agree that I want to see content "not suitable for minors" and the post is empty. So far this cunt hasn't even said a bad word let alone a racy thought.

How do you feel about public versus private schooling?

No strong feeling one way or another.

Now, now i went to a public schools all my life and well i guess to say my high school years was horrorble . Since i never went to a private school ,but my only anwser is online schooling .

Actually on second thought fuck public schools if this is what they spawn.
"Horrorble."

What are the three all-time greatest summer songs?

SIIIITTIN' IN THE MORNIN' SUN, I'LL BE SITTIN' WHEN THE EVENING COME
WATCHING THE SHIPS ROLL IN, THEN I'LL WATCH 'EM ROLL AWAY AGAIN, YEAH
I'M SITTIN' ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY, WATCHING THE TIIIIIDE ROOOOLL AWAY OOOOH
I'M SITTIN' ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY, WASTIN' TIIIIIIIIIME~
I LEFT MY HOME IN GEORGIA, HEADED FOR THE 'FRISCO BAY
'CAUSE I'VE HAD NOTHING TO LIVE FOR AND LOOKS LIKE NOTHING'S GONNA COME MY WAY
Is that a summer song?

There to many ...... for me to remember.

>missing a verb
>wrong "to"
>ten thousand ellipsis
That's like five spankings.

What subject you like to become more knowledgeable about, and why?

Yes, hi I'd like to answer for marychanel if I may: she'd like to be more knowledgeable about spelling and grammar.

There so much things to learn in life ,but the one subject i can be more knowledgeable is art history and cooking.

>the one subject
>lists two things
AWWW COME ON. You're not even trying now.
Now here's a writer's block called "Comfortably Numb" and I'm not even reading it.
PINK FLOOOOYD TIME

What's your favorite example of how technology has made your life better?

In my lifetime we have gone from 1 GB hard drives being huge to transferring more in a 24 hour period than 20 of those shits can hold over the internet.
So I'm going to vote "cable internet".

Cell phones and the internet and things are a little bit better now , but it's still a long way to go.

>long way to go
FROM WHAT TO WHAT? We've gone from, in my full lifetime, practically no one having the internet to EVERYONE HAS IT ON THEIR CELLPHONE.
HOW MUCH MORE PROGRESS DO YOU NEED BEFORE YOU CUNTS ARE HAPPY?
FUCK YEAH COMFORTABLY NUMB HAS AN AWESOME GUITAR SOLO

It's hard, it's really hard. It's been one year since michael jackson pass away last year and i still missed him .

What, were you a close friend or member of the family?
It's not like he'd recorded a good song since the 80s.

So for this day i'm seeing this is it and i feel sad that the tour will never happen and but if he was still alive the tour would have been the grandest tour ever .

No one would have given two shits. It's just because he died, stop being silly.
Some books are inspirational. Others are intellectually stimulating or emotionally comforting.

Then there are those juicy, mindless reads that are only good for a plane ride or the beach. Which books or authors fall under this last category?

Question filled with useless information, hello.

I can only think thew things, mangas, comics and "An midsummer's night dream" .

Oh yeah, "An" Midsummer's Night Dream is light beach reading. You know, just deals with Perseus and Oberon and shit. Lovable scamps everyone is familiar with.

I got some bad news for me , well as of last night my great-grandfather has pass away as of last night.

I'm suddenly reminded of that scene in The Matrix where Neo sees the black cat twice and it's deja vu and oh no that's when they've changed something in The Matrix.

Have you even had a moment, an hour, or a day that renewed your faith in the fundamental goodness of humankind?

No it has pretty much been downhill since birth.
On that note I think another glooooorious entry in the annals of "Edie Finds a Corpse" draws to a close.

:V

Wow! I have to be 18+ to view this blog! Most blogs, even ones that have sexual content, are 14+, so this one most be straight up pornography!
Today's Writer's Block is some fuck, speaking of which:

What do you think happens after you die?

Doesn't really matter what I think, does it?
GEE I THINK WE GO TO HEAVEN
I THINK NOTHING
Well you're dying anyway so I guess you'll find out regardless.
How can you even begin to have confidence in your response? Even if you did know the answer, how would it affect your life right now?
Ultimately, you can't and it probably wouldn't.

I know how I'd like for it to go

first stop - purgatory

not a good nor bad place, just a stopover as your current expired life is reviewed by higher authority

Nope don't care.
Also I'd like to point out in a cosmological model that involves purgatory usually the people who were neither good nor bad (or good for impure reasons) end up in purgatory. It's not really a holding tank because an omnipotent deity doesn't really need time to sort you. Here's another question:

If you were given the chance, what one thing would you tell the entire world?

and his response:

Fuck off and die

So edgy, man.

What is your ultimate dream job? Do you think you'll ever live the dream?

LIVIN' THE DREAM.

dream job = Salma Hayek's personal body waxer and shower loofah

... Why in the fuck would you want to wax someone's genitals? What has to be the matter with you to think of that?
Of all the things you could do to her why does your mind immediately go to body waxing?

will it happen = sadly, no, unless the universe really decides to smile upon me

If there is any justice at all the universe will swallow you whole for that nonsense.

Why do people care so much about the private lives of celebrities? Is it idol worship, schadenfreude, or something entirely different?

So check this out, right: I hit rank 21 armorer and I can finally make bronze haubergeons reliably. I don't understand how I'm selling these things as fast as I am because by my calculations everyone on the server has 10 of them.
I know I have one in every color now.

I'll go with something entirely different

it is because people are too goddam dumb for words ... the politicians regularly rape us, school systems are failing,

>goddam
>calls other people dumb
welp--
holy shit.
HOLY SHIT.
Look who commented:

victorgreywolf wrote:

Aug. 17th, 2010 01:16 pm (UTC)

Lindsay is a real creepy person, right?

it probably would be, but then we'd never know it happened, right? Celebrities suck.

Remember Victorgreywolf?
Wow that's so weird that I found a totally unrelated blog and they're actually friends. What are the odds?
Also Lindsey Lohan may be a creepy person but she isn't half as creepy as you, man.

long long ago, in a land far away, I used to be a regular at Wolf Trap ... haven't been in a while

Huh, he lives kind of close to where I used to live. It's like stuff in real life is affecting Edie Finds a Corpse now.

WHY MEN AREN'T SECRETARIES...

Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:

Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.

They said the Pabst beer is normal.

I didn't know you liked beer.

Better pick up some extra.

I had to read this three times before I got it.
GET IT? "PABST BEER" SOUNDS LIKE "PAP SMEAR"?
Woooooooooooooooooooow also fuck you I have trouble hearing people sometimes.
Goddamn this idiot keeps posting pictures of his cat but they're THE SAME FUCKING PICTURES. How fucking dumb do you have to be to do this shit?

May is the official Zombie Awareness Month of the Zombie Research Society.

Shouldn't October be the official Zombie Awareness Month, all xD randum bullshit aside?

Why Not October?

Despite common misconceptions, Zombies - and the threat they represent - are not connected with the late October pagan tradition of Halloween.

Ah.

people are really taking this whole thing way too seriously

like the folks that are claiming the movie 'Avatar' is racist, going off on some tangent about how it depicts white people wanting to destroy things just for money and having no care about people they may hurt ...

Well I can't say I'm surprised people missed a self-righteous allegory when it was right in front of them but I'm pretty sure (without having seen the movie) Avatar is supposed to represent a small period of American history.
Also the point in time where I go to see a 3D movie about blue furries is officially the day I return my testicles.

Tiger Tiger Tiger ... ~sigh~ ... as Bugs Bunny would say, "what a maroon"

it isn't just the cheating, it is the base level dishonesty and the whole celebrities are better than the little people bullshit that gnaws at me ... celebrity worship is the real core reason for the collapse of our society ...

Yeah, all that economic shit? Doesn't matter. People magazine is our undoing.
Also you may notice I'm dealing with ancient history now. It was really hard to find an entry not pertaining to the weather for a solid 3 month period there. I know you guys had like seventeen feet of snow in Old Country last year but come on.
So here's our "Friday Funny" and it's the LONGEST FUCKING JOKE EVER CONSTRUCTED.
I'm not reading this.

and for anyone who has never read it, I recommend "Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo ... written in 1938, published in 1939, it's anti-war message is still clear and relevant today

Spoilers: it turns out he lost his face and all his limbs to German artillery.
There saved you some time.
Still not as good as All Quiet on the Western Front but whatever.
Now here's a political rant that I'm sure will make for informative and entertaining reading.

feel free to just move along

Thanks I might just do that.

I am sick to fucking death of politicians bringing god into the act to explain their inept vile actions.

Sarah Palin is yet another in a long line of ignorant assed bible thumping clueless degenerate whores, unable to keep her own house in order, but thanks to god, feels qualified to tell you how to handle yours ... she is a religious zealot, probably because she is simply too fucking stupid to have any real reasons for her actions in life.

Anyone know a high level blacksmith on Lindblum, incidentally? I need iron nuggets.
Oh they're only blacksmith rank 13 if I'm making them from limonite, which I incidentally have the most of, I can swing that--

Religious zealots are evil and dangerous, regardless of which god is allegedly talking to them. Whether it is some narrow minded shithead Christian,

Iron nuggets and iron ingots take fire crystals, though. then iron wire takes 12 fucking fire shards and 12 wind shards.

preaching evil from the pulpit and having his minions protest at funerals of military members killed in action or the narrow minded shithead Muslim, preaching evil from the pulpit and having his minions fly planes into buildings, both shitheads are cut from the same defective zealot cloth

Then iron rings take 12 earth shards and 6 wind shards, and iron chain takes a whopping 20 earth shards-- I don't have this kind of material.

One no better than the other, just merely a different level of evil, but evil nonetheless .

What does an iron haubergeon even require otherwise?
iron chain vest and sleeves which come from iron chain undoubtedly, brass buckles which I can make--
another sheet of iron chain--
dodo leather strap, hmm. I can make those myself--
Undyed canvas. I wonder how much that costs?
That's pretty much the only thing I can't make myself.

And as history has shown, there have been many vile hateful murderous things all done in the name of god, so maybe this god thing is where the problem is.

20k, about.
Iron haubs only sell f0r 200k--
Given bronze haubergeons sell for 100k and I can get the cloth made or, if worse comes to worst, buy it for 6k, that doesn't seem like a great deal given the incredible increase in consumables it takes not to mention the premium I'd have to pay on canvas--
If only I knew a high level weaver.
Oh well I don't have the 7000 earth shards required to mass produce these so I guess it's kind of a pointless argument.

So fuck you with a crowbar Sarah Palin, you stupid Barbie Doll cunt .

Although I have tons of earth crystals and I know a high level alchemist, maybe I could get him to split my crystals into shards.
Or, shit, I have alchemy at rank 10 maybe I can do it myself.

I wish you every evil and pain ever discussed and described in the bible to be inflicted upon you and your entire family,

Alchemist rank 11. Better get my bro to do it instead.
Don't trust succeeding at something when I have the requisite ranks, let alone being one below.
If I had a radiant earth moraine I could split 1 crystal into 32-64 shards.

so you may go to your grave knowing it wasn't god speaking to you, but merely the wind whistling through your empty ignorant skull

Two being sold on my server RIGHT NOW.
Oh right, you. What are you talking about?
Oh you stopped.
Well I guess that's about it for me, then. I might have to hunt down radiant earth moraines or perhaps I'll just stick to bronze. I'll have to look at my inventory when I get in game.

THE BATTLEFIELD AWAITS

Today's entry has pretentious twat written all over it, man.
Gee, give me a moment to muster some sympathy for you and your relationship turmoil, especially considering the PROBLEM IS YOUR FAULT.
Also it does that thing where you have to agree you're 14 coming in and then you're 14 at each entry. Good. Now Livejournal isn't loading entries and I can't say this is necessarily a huge problem for me--
Ah fuck it loaded. Anyway here we go--
Her first entry is entitled "Division" with a thousand ellipsis.

...and I'm not talking about math.

My relationship feels divided...emotionally, physically and more important - mentally.

Women, man. It's easy, just ask her about her day and what's on her mind. Then she's going to start running her fucking yap and you can think about sex. When she pauses just restate what she just said in the form of a question and hope it makes sense.
Hum, getting my gender relations check for sure in pussy sensitivity class.

Our relationship feels very superficial to me right now.

I believe Jesus said it best: there is no such thing as superficial relationships, just superficial people.
Actually that wasn't Jesus, it was Zeus.
Okay I lied again. I just made that up.

Am I the one who should be addressing the issues until they're dead on the floor?

Sounds like you're the only one with issues.

Should I be making all of the plans? What changes should I be responsible to implement?

Implementing changes-- this is a relationship, not a consulting firm, Christ.

Are all of these things in my head??? Should I be selfish in this relationship and simply tend to mine and my childrens needs, completey disregarding my partner?

>selfish
>tending to your children
errrrr--

Really???? Is this how it's going to be forever?

More later..gotta go now - she just summoned me for lunch.

SHE.
That reminds me there's a chiptune group called she that's pretty good.
Anyway I'm getting off topic.
And here's today's writer's (TOO MANY POSSESSIVES HOLY SHIT) Block:

Have you ever fallen in love with two people at once? How did it work out?

This was a strange question to me. I guess I believe you should be guarded in your emotional state more than that-- and that's probably why I have about no friends since moving three years ago, but that's not the point.
The point is you shouldn't commit to a bitch until you're reasonably sure nothing better will come along or you can lie to yourself convincingly that nothing better has come along.

I was in a committed, long-term relationship and fell in love with someone else...unexpectedly!

... As opposed to all the people who do commit to relationships fully expecting to fall in love with other people.
DO PEOPLE REALLY DO THAT?
I love all these people who think that somehow excuses their bullshit antics. I DIDN'T EXPECT TO FALL IN LOVE.
Oh, well then that's perfectly okay, then. Just a vow of marriage no huge deal. Not like you VOWED something meaning you'd promise NEVER TO BREAK IT AS LONG AS IT WAS IN YOUR POWER or anything.

It was tough on me mentally and emotionally, not to mention the other two people involved. The former didn't end well and I had made an absolute mess of things before all was said and done.

And yet evidently you brought this all on yourself so excuse me for not feeling any sympathy.
... That'd be like me punching myself in the nuts and then typing "goddamn it, I just hit myself in the nuts" WELL SHIT, SON!

People are going to do what they want to do, but the small amount of experience I gained on the subject was enough to last me a lifetime. I can't help but think, what comes around goes around...

... Err, I think you're supposed to say that when someone does something to you, not the other way around-- fuck it.
Holy shit now there's a giant wall of words.

I love me some Lady Gaga...

Last night found me, once again, tending to the house while my love interest/roommate tinkered around in the garage with the go-kart...ya, ya - I know...AGAIN??!!

k

Ummmm yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Well I'm glad someone knows what I'm thinking in this situation, apparently.

Last night in bed I was watching The L Word (which I love, love, love) and girlie decided to get frisky on me.

Girlie-- what--

After a few minutes I couldn't control my attention to the TV any longer.. we began to make out, caress, etc...then the tickles set in on her. I'm quite used to this because she's highly ticklish around her hips and inner thigh, but this was a new area - the neck.

Oh I get it. Lesbians.
Well that explains why everything is vague and not too gender-defined. Still not out to the parents, eh?

She shivered in a tickled frenzy and giggled a bit. I asked if she was ticklish and she said yes. So I moved on...a little set back in the mood - but all's well that ends well for the evening...right? WRONG?!

WRONG.

About 430am little man woke up crying because he was picking at

Hey whoa, all right. I thought you were a lesbian, not a pedophile.
Well, I suppose those aren't mutually exclusive categories--

the scabs on his face and had realized that one was still a little too attached for his liking. Poor guy wrecked his bike over his dads house last weekend and landed on his face. :(

Father's responsibility to teach his son to roll like a man.
Remember always: you can't control when you fall, but you can control what you do while you're falling. The ability to override your instinct to brace yourself with your arm is the only thing that separates you from the beast.
Arms across the chest, tuck the neck, try to get on your back.

Anyhoo, we both rolled out of bed and tended to baby boy...then we went in a laid back down in bed. Suddenly it was discussion time... She made a reference to last nights' sexcapade and then said, while laughing, that when I was 'stroking' her neck she was making up a joke in her head about (of all things) "stroking a c*ck."

You talk about massaging her inner thigh and yet you censor cock? What the fuck kind of censorship is this, woman?
That'd be like me censoring "d*mn" after using "fuck" and "cunt" already. (har har har)

I was instantly horrified and completely turned off. Then the comment penetrated (no pun intended) my thick skin and my feelings were hurt.

Why?
Actually no, don't care.

Now she's judging different things I do when I make love to her and comparing them to c*ck?? WTF???

Nope, still don't care.

I went into my usual mode of shutting down...I got quiet and turned over to face the wall. She immediately picked up on my change of attitude and asked what was wrong. I told her I was offended and to know that her headspace is filling with jokes while I am simply exploring her body is just cruel.

Baby, when your brain is full of fuck it's full of fuck.

If that's the kind of thing you think about while being intimate - please, for sake of your partner - don't ever tell them.

I'd hope she'd be cooler than that.

In true fashion she became instantly irritated and thought the whole thing was her fault and suddenly it turned into I didn't like the way she makes love to me and then my head was spinning. She got out of bed...in the shower...packed a bag....and did her whole "I'm leaving!" speech.

These people are so irrational.
And yes I mean that with every conviction it can have.

This is at 5am, mind you. I don't do well at any time before 9am - and she knows this - but here we were engaging in this child-like behavior at o'dark thirty. She told me on the way out of the bedroom door that I was mean and she didn't have to take this kind of abuse and to judge her is cruel and why haven't I ever insulted her in the sack before now and yada yada yada.... I just let her go cuz I could hardly form a coherrant thought...

Well you posted this at 4:25 PM, what's your excuse for not being able to form a "coherant" thought now?

I said I was frustrated because I wasn't sure where I could touch her without her feeling ticklish and me feeling like she didn't like what I was doing and was it going to be like "ya, let's have sex - oh by the way - you can only touch my p*ssy."

Censoring the word "pussy" in light of this discussion has to be the most bizarre and inappropriate thing I have seen all week.
... It's early, though, and tomorrow's pussy sensitivity class so we'll see.

She didn't like that at all... She left after slamming 100 cupboards and doors on her way out. Then she went 3 miles up the road to Starbucks and started a texting war with me...which I refused to engage in.

So what's this argument about, exactly?

Then she called and said she was hurt and was feeling like she was going to shut down and not initiate sex ever again with me because of the rejection I was giving her. She said she made up a joke in her head about a c*ck because she didn't want to tell me what she was really experiencing.

Those poor children.

I think my girlfriend feeds off of chaos and pain.

CHAOS.
Cover to Brotherhood of the Snake, I think. One of the few Warhammer books actually worth reading.
On an unrelated note: this.
Now there's a post that has font so small I need a microscope--

What a difference a year makes...this time last year I was hopeful, giddy...bursting at the seams with passion and yet so consumed with the secret I was carrying day in and day out.

The secret is she worships Slaanesh and heads a depraved sex cult involving human sacrifice. That is, until the Emperor's Space Marines made planet fall. The green panoply and grinning serpent of the Salamanders chapter.
Into the fires of battle, unto the anvil of war!
No I'm just making this more interesting than it really is.

I had completely checked out of the relationship in May...and he knew it...but I didn't know how (or didn't have the courage) to walk into the room and tell him it was o-v-e-r and make the necessary arrangements regarding finances, custody, etc...

Whosoever shalt end the relationship shall take nothing but what was brought in the first place.
That seems like a fair rule to me.

I found out she liked a certain set of vampire novels that I also adored.

Twilight, hurrr.
Also you don't need to say "a certain set" like it's some kind of indie shit no one has heard of before. I'm pretty sure it outsold the Bible last year.
Anyway I think I have something to do for pussy sensitivity class now.
GOTTA BE SENSITIVE YO