Also most of these shots are self-taken to hide the fact whatever spawn owns the blog is crushingly alone.
Anyway, Journal of Fbrobey.
First, today's writer's block:
If you worked for a newspaper, which section of the paper would you like to write for, and why?
Definitely advice. Although 90% of my advice would be "fucking kill yourself."
Hope my paper has a killer insurance policy~
Geeky as this sounds I've been thinking a lot lately about trying to incorporate my enjoyment and love of writing with my interest in science, so I'd love to be a scientific correspondent reviewing journals and commenting on new discoveries...
Wouldn't you need some sort of qualifications to do that?
No I guess not, actually.
I'm home for Easter and by God is the break a welcome one. I say break, but I still have university work coming out of my ears, I'm just not currently having anything added to the pile meaning I actually feel like I'm accomplishing something unlike before.
Whatever.
I have actually completed my epic coursework list apart from the one piece of biochemistry coursework, which doesn't bear thinking about for now.
I SAID WHATEVER. SHUT UP.
So yesterday I was too drained to really explain what had happened, and I'll spare you all the details, basically though I text Jayne Wednesday night because I wanted her to know it wasn't her I had a problem with but didn't feel comfortable walking down with Milly.
Yes spare me the details because if you give me the details I might actually comprehend what's going on for once. It's not like the two sentences of exposition would make this essay in bullshit any shorter.
This turned into her telling me she didn't think me living there next year was a great idea either and I'm just sick of it. I ended up crying myself to sleep much later than I planned and had to be up early the next morning (yesterday). Miraculously I managed to get my arse out of bed in time, and stood outside with Gen and Amy while I waited for Aimee to appear. She didn't Milly and Jayne did and they both walked past me with looks on their faces as if I was a piece of unpleasant shit on their shoes.
Milly and Jayne with a y. What do they know?
Seriously what the fuck is going on?
Had a pretty awful day I have to admit, again following on with the "Milly" theme. Currently can't be assed to make an explaining post so shall leave that to tomorrow when I'll be posting anyway as in precisely 12 hours 10 minutes I will have in my sweaty little mitts the result of January's 5 exams... wish me luck! :/
Oh here's the anticipatory post in relation to the drivel I just copied.
So we have an introduction to the post that doesn't actually explain anything.
So last night I came to the conclusion I really can't bear the idea of four new freshers, especially as next year is my last and most important year, I'll have a dissertation to do as well as lectures and will need all the ease and peace and quiet I need. I thought Milly can't tell me what to do so I'm just going to move in, Jayne and Aimee want me there anyway. So I sent her this message:
Oh good, some exposition on this issue.
Want to bet it will explain precisely dick?
"Hiya milly, I'm sorry to bring this up again, I know you don't really want to live with me next year and trust me I've been trying to find new people to share with me next year to respect your wish. However, everyone already has plans and Aimee doesn't want to leave your flat, which I completely understandm however this left me with the rather awful prospect of living with 4 new freshers next year, I hope you can appreciate this isn't something I really want as I want to spend my last year with friends and I need peace and quiet with a dissertation to write. I'm sorry if this is going to upset you but I'm moving into the double room next year, I want to make the most of my degree, which I'm sure you know. You have my word it'll be like living with a ghost if you want, I can stay in my room to avoid tension, after all I don't want to cause trouble. Hope you understand and I'm sorry if this upsets you, I did try the alternative first xx"
So apparently she did something (or maybe not) and now her roommates are pissed so they want her to move out but she'd be living with freshmen so she doesn't really want to do that--
got it.
What'd she do, I wonder?
"You won't live with new house mates this year yet you made us live with new house mates last year... hmm yes fair... you have brought this situation on yourself and as they say make your bed and lie in it. To be honest I'm really not happy and frankly don't give a stuff where you live as long as it's not with me. You say you will be a ghost in this flat so why the hell not where you are currently if you are going to stay in your room it should make little difference to you. You say you want to live with your friends, yet to be honest only one of us in this flat even count you as one since xmas before last."
Burn I guess.
This all reeks of melodrama that's exciting for exactly three seconds and then I get bored and start to stare into the middle distance.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there is no more exposition on this subject. Nothing ever says "here's what I did to make everyone hate me" which leads me to believe whatever it was is probably her fault.
Okay well I never really left my diet, though it's certainly not doing the good it was earlier this year so time for a kick start as I said a couple of days ago. My exercise class at home is run by a wonderful lady known as Pat, who is so helpful and supportive. I have a dress in my sights and I really want to look good in it and my sister is in the same conundrum. I'm currently UK dress size 16 and 12 stone 8 lbs (as of the wii fit this morning). By July next year I'm hoping to be down to a UK 12 (at a push but I'd love to do it) and as close to 10 stone as I can get.
Bri'ish.
So Pat suggested a diet known as the Dukan Diet it's a 4 phase diet developed by a French nutritionist. Take a look if you like but the four phases are essentially as follows:
1st phase: Attack phase - eating proteins only (lean meat, eggs, water, fat free dairy and tea/coffee and fat free fizzy drinks) this lasts for a week maximum
2nd phase: Vegetables are added (except for starchy ones such as beans, peas, sweetcorn and potatoes)
3rd phase: once target weight/size is achieved normal food is slowly added (e.g. bread potatoes etc) 2 days for every 1lb lost
4th phase: final stabilization, 1 pure protein day a week and a portion of oats everyday to keep cholesterol low.
In addition to this I have to do 30 minutes walking each day, which I'd happily do since it helps to destress me at uni. I also plan to try and keep up jogging (instead of walking some of the days) and also swimming once a week.
I have a revolutionary diet: take whatever you do eat and just eat half of it.
Why is it whenever something wrong is done to me it's my fault anyway?
Your fault for not predicting it and preventing it.
Takes two people to make a butthurt, you know.
Here's a post entitled "I'm 60% a virgin" and I'm having trouble with not only this statement but the math as well.
I'm sure it'll be disappointing but let's take a peek.
Stolen from Diane. Add up how many are unchecked and that’s your virginity percentage.
Oh it's a dumb meme thing.
Fuck it I am even more disappointed than I expected.
Here's an online quiz that confirms she's an attention whore (thanks internet, next thing I know you'll suggest you have to licking a stamp makes it sticky so you can stick it to shit)--
about 100000 memes--
Words I'm not reading--
Oh man this so bad I'm going to have to bust out a word I've never even used before and had to make sure actually existed before I wrote it.
This is really stultifying.
I've never been so enthusiastic to write an update only to have all the will sapped from me. I don't think you could have stripped my zeal for life out faster if you tazed me right in the coconut.
It's funny how a single thought can strike you and turn your perspective of that particular day completely. Manipulate a good day into a bad day, taint your heart with a melancholy undertone.
It really is.
What?
LIVEJOURNAL EXPLORES NEW GROUND.
I didn't think my birthday would ever be the trigger for such a mood, yet here I sit, typing out yet another miserable journal entry because I don't seem to know how to do anything but whine about my life lately.
I have my health, my mind and my whole future to look forward to.
To Zeus, All-Father:
I have found the perfect target for your shenanigans.
Love,
Tim.
So what's got me bluer than Saturn this time? In 15 days I will be celebrating my 20th birthday, which while exciting put things into a wild perspective for me.
Ah yes the big 20th birthday.
Yes.
I'll be halfway to 40, a third of the way to 60 and a quarter of the way to 80, by which time I'll probably be the lonely old lady pictured above, gazing out at the spattering rain wondering where my life went, how my glasses got so thick, my memory got so bad and my jowls so saggy.
The entire sum of your life adds up to one quarter of 80 years. Every single moment has added up to not even a quarter of a century.
Seriously how long do you want to live?
Imagine if life stretched on into infinity-- what would be the point in doing anything? The fact you have limited time to do shit is kind of your motivator.
Musing over big matters like who whatever little money I may have collected over the years will go to. Will I have a husband? Kids? Grandkids? If the past 20 years is anything to go by I'm supposing no.
Well to be fair you could really only have gotten married in the past two years.
Maybe I'll even think back to this moment and wonder what on Earth I ever had to whine about in comparison to the pains of crumbling bones, the frustration of stairs and the pang of loneliness when I realise it's my 80th birthday and not a single card has dropped on my doormat to tell me this, because no one remembers the bubbly young woman I once was.
Now that is sobering.
I actually had a similar thought while I was teaching at my shitty high school. "What if I look back on this and think it's nothing?"
So I've now vowed to make that the darkest chapter in my life.
So instead of whining like you I did the manly, Space Marine thing and took a vow.
Only the frail old lady with the mottled hands and mop of white curls occasionally seen wandering with her shopping trolley to Tesco every Wednesday just for a bit of company and a loaf of bread.
In fact I one day aspire to be old enough to use that as the excuse for how crotchety I am.
Maybe that little girl didn't realise that you should be careful what you wish for. That the promise she made to herself was a foolish one, that 15 years on she'd be sat typing this and regretting every carefree syllable of nonsense she would let escape her mouth without any comprehension of how hideous being old and alone must be.
YOU'RE 20.
She didn't really comprehend what being a spinster entailed. Did she realise the flow of hormones that came with puberty would change her perspective? How could she foresee the anguish of being a teenager watching her friends grow up, caged in an aging body, forced to face facts, scared and helpless.
I think there's a Warhammer quote for this.
I know that always cheers me up immensely.
Let's see. Theme: doubt, fear or perseverance?
We have:
Perseverance and silence are the highest virtues.
Fear is the Mind Killer.
The Mighty have no room for doubt.
The sparkling intuition that children have that makes them think nothing bad will ever happen to them as long as mummy and daddy are around being torn away in a messy operation that left many scars only seen from the inside.
I can't remember the moment they became separate. It happened in a whirlwind of spots, flab, taunting and embarrassment. Braces and glasses, disgust for my curls, attempting to eradicate them with brushing and gel.
Or how about this one?
The present changes the past from moment to moment. Only pray for the future to vindicate your action.
The awkward nerd trying to fit in with her peers, praying personality really does count for more than a pretty face and slim frame.
Only the insane prosper.
The realisation that it didn't, that my prettier friends were receiving valentines day cards and being asked on dates. The confusion when girls I would deem worse looking than myself also seemed to understand the art or dating. Now I have to dig deep to find the skipping carefree girl, peel through the layers of inner pensioner that seem to line my body, the part of me that worries, the cleaner, the tea-drinker to find the scared little girl shivering and blinking through tear filled blue eyes.
Cease purpose and die.
There is not a problem in your life that cannot be solved by a 5-15 word sentence from a Warhammer rulebook.
Anyway this entry has gone on long enough and suddenly I feel like doing something else that isn't a bunch of dumb melodramatic bullshit.
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