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Zeal.
Sometimes when people get a blog they realize that they don't actually have anything to say. That's okay for them, so they stop posting. This is ideal, because then I never find it. Sometimes they say too fucking much about nothing and I still skip over it because holy shit who wants to read 19000 words about how delicious your lunch was?
And yet sometimes I come across a blog so incredibly pretentious and douchey it commands my immediate attention.
It's called "Kalliopoiea" which if your mythological knowledge is good you'll know that Calliope (or Kalliope as I guess we're insisting on spelling it and is closer to the original Greek) is one of them muse gals that everyone likes to bang on about.
This one, oft-abused, is the muse of heroic poetry.
Not as abused as Erato, muse of lyric poetry, at least.
Come to think of it, shouldn't this be named after her?
Anyway in case you couldn't guess this entire blog is poetry. All poetry, all the time. Stand the fuck back, we're in new territory.

There’s your smiling face
In the photograph,
You’ve got her in your arms
I try not to laugh;

PhotoGRAPH, LAUGH... Rhyming?
Face and arms definitely do not, though.

I wonder if she knows how faithful you are?
I wonder if she knows the truth?

BUT IS THIS THE 'TRUTH'?

Choked by the sickness of relief,
Just heard the news, beyond belief;Caught in the shadows of the past,
Thanking God they didn't last...

Ha, ha, ha wow this is really good.

I feel like I’ve been kicked right in the stomach,
Just like a stroke, my jaw dropping…

I suddenly feel like I need that music that plays in the background of Final Fantasy Tactics when you first start out and are learning about that cover up the church did. Yeah, here it is.
It's the perfect music for it. SO MELODRAMATIC. Although with Final Fantasy Tactics you're learning what an entire civilization believes is built on lies and this is just... Wow.

All the lies you told,
Now you ring with goldThe changes real or fake,
Simplistically;

told, gold, fake, simplistically.

Why’d you promise her
What you failed for me?
Only time will tell,
We will wait and see…

I have to say my favorite part of this poem is easily the rhyming scheme. I was going to map it out but I think it would be much easier to just call it what it is: "I only rhyme when it's easy :("
Anyway this poem goes on but I'm skipping it. I know we're nearly at the end but welcome to my poetry readings.
Now we move on to a poem entitled "Blood and Sand" which isn't that a show on Showtime about Spartacus?

You open doors to worlds without 8And step inside the shadows of my sacred doubt; 12
You turn my head with tales of what might be and make me see 14
A light that bleeds with all my past misdeeds…I’m out. 12

AABA rhyme scheme. Very--
You know when you count syllables on the side there usually you're going for a certain meter or something. This is just limiting yourself for the sake of OH LOOK AT ME I CAN COUNT SYLLABLES.

Cut off the telephone and weep; 8
Imprison me inside the safety of my sleep; 12
There is no day, no night, no dusk, no dawn, just me reborn 14
And I will rise to meet the future, see…it bleed. 12

>weep
>sleep
>bleed This is a flashback to my old modern poetry class.

Romeo, I’m a shadow of the girl I used to be; 14
Does Death become, enhance the story of…my life? 12

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Blood and sound, music and air; 7
These are the things that keep me sweet and living fair; 12

DOUBLE DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE;
FIRE BURN AND CAULDRON BUBBLE
Isn't that what this is starting to sound like? Some good ol' Macbeth, only for imbeciles?

Remove your hands and I might fall, wingless like Icarus ; 14
My wings are tired, why can’t I rest, you bet…I dare. 12

Uhh, Icarus had wings. He just flew too close to the sun and they melted.
Moving to a new poem:

Is there sex that’s not dysfunctional 9
Is there love that is not blind 7

What, is that rhetorical?

Spit and scratch and scream and sigh,
The choice not ours to reason why;
The world will turn, the blood will boil,
Drowning us all in endless toil.

DOUBLE, DOUBLE TOIL AND TROUBLE;
FIRES BURN AND CAULDRONS-- fuck it.

Fuck paperwork!

Why won’t you let me do the job I’m paid to do?
If I wanted to be a secretary that’s what I would do!
I’m just shaping young minds, trying not to let this show;
I’m just leading the next generation, trying not to blow…

>trying not to blow
I'LL SAY!

Scream and sigh and scratch and spit,
What’s the point if the point is this?

I will not eat them on a train;
I will not eat them on a plane.
I do not like green eggs and I ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

The path turns dark, reload the ark
And one by one we’ll kill the spark.

>dark
>spark
DARK SPARK, MY OLD NEMESIS.
You were worthy, but not as worthy as MEE DEGGI THE PUNISHER.
But, at the end of the day, they were both already dead.
Wow and now, after skipping a lot of entries, I am at her first ever entry and this one has a warning that I must be an adult to read this.
Not the usual 14 year old adult, either: this one requires me to be AT LEAST 18.
So if you are under 18 or I'm guessing if you're particularly delicate you might want to turn your browser off right now.
Good, all the pussies gone? Here we go.

You can hurt me better with mental distress;

what turns me on now is anyone’s guess;

What's with your font?

physical violence reveals nothing underneath;

I’ve lived through a dozen fragile-built hells

of my own creating; I’m a masochist, ain’t I,

darling? A prize bitch in the making; my gist

is this, listen: I’m never caught faking. Abuse

Hey I asked you a question. Why is your font getting bigger and then smaller?
Wow this is really boring. I can't believe, of all things, this was the first to get an 18+ rating. I've read about gay orgies on Livejournal that only invited the 14+ rating so I was expecting some XXX pornography hiding behind this cut, not some bitch who likes to be smacked around a little.
Good grief, where to start with this?
I think it's easier to never start with this, actually.
I must say, though, the Final Fantasy Tactics soundtrack sure made this blog feel classy. As classy as it read, to be sure. (That's sarcasm see I'm a master of my craft)