Monday, June 28, 2010

Decisions

Which blog do I pick? The one with the self-indulgent cunt, or the one with the self-indulgent cunt? At times like this I like to throw my fate to the wind and let dice decide what I do. So, let's say odds is cunt 1 and evens is cunt 2. Cunt two it is.
Perhaps this is for the best because I don't really know what cunt 1 was on about. Some sort of life coach nonsense who even can tell what goes on?
I'm skipping the first entry because it's so incredibly boring and stupid I can't read three words without my eyes crossing.
I belong to the natural living community. One of the topics recently was alternatives to deodorant, which I am always interested in.

My life has been reduced to this. Sitting here on a Monday afternoon reading about people talk about alternatives to deodorant.

One person suggested a vinegar rinse, followed by baking soda.

... Let's see, acid + base =WHAT IS WRONG WITH REGULAR DEODORANT?
I've been meaning to post this for a few weeks, and a conversation I had with Ed yesterday just reminded me.

I'm finally comfortable enough in my own skin to say that I don't believe in Christianity as such. Or as practiced, I suppose.
WOOOOW.
I do believe in something greater than myself, and if you want to call it God, by all means, I'm okay with that.

HEAR THAT, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE OF THE WORLD? SHE'S OKAY WITH THAT.
YOU HAVE HER APPROVAL.
Now, one thing I adore is worship music. I don't know why, but I do. I've been spoiled in that I've gone to churches with amazing choirs. I consider the sermon to be sort of the admission price to be able to hear the music. Now, I DO try to glean what I can out of the service...but I mostly enjoy the music.

It is almost unreal how uninteresting you are.

I think back to my grandfather, and his "walk out if it's not right" message. And sadly, walking out seems to be infinitely easier when you're a teen, and not when you're a grown woman brought up to be pleasing. I couldn't do it. Or, I DIDN'T do it. I let myself down.
Holy shit, what is happening?
Oh, oh that's right. I'm reading a blog to review, apparently.
If there is an afterlife this is what it's like for all eternity. "Oh, oh apparently I'm dead. I'm just kind of sitting here, not really sure what's happening and not really all that interested~"
Rhys and I are on a bland diet. Mostly white rice.

No way. You, bland?
One of my sisters hurt my feelings, and then an uncle hurt hers, so I forgot about my feelings to take care of her. I'll have to come back to that. BUT, it makes me realize that I don't know if facebook is worth it. Too much drama. And viruses.

Viruses on Facebook.
What the fuck.
Yesterday I had to go shopping. I've looked everywhere for kombu, a type of seaweed.

Go to your local Korean market you putz.
Try not to make being white a stigma for the rest of us.

Everywhere except the obvious place, the Asian market that I always forget is here because I can't ever find it. So I say, "Children, we are going to the Asian market, and then the health food store." My children LOVE the health food store. They enjoy the bulk bins.

I don't even know what
What is wrong with these people?

Abbey says, "Mama, why are we going to the Asian market?"

"Because I need kombu."
"But Mama, we aren't Asian!"

It's not like you need a membership. It's America I'm pretty sure you're free to shop wherever you want.
All of the sudden, Abbey starts FREAKING OUT and she is nearly crying.

"What's wrong, Crab?" I ask, as you do in this situation.

"MAMA, THEY'RE SELLING COOKED HANDS HERE!!!"

What?

... It's just ginger you fucking idiot.

She's pointing frantically at the produce. I'm trying to calm her down and figure out what she's talking about. Suddenly, I see.
"Ooooooh. Abbey, that's called ginger root. It's not cooked hands." I am lazy and buy ginger in a jar.
So that's why all three times I've gone to the Korean market I've gotten weird looks. Makes sense now. People before me acting like COMPLETE IDIOTS. Also note the last sentence has no connection to any of the previous thoughts. That's the way it's written, too. There is no editing on my part. Yeah.

Do you give your vehicles names? If so, what are they?

Yeah. I call my car "Brain Wounder" WATCH THE FUCK OUT, PEDESTRIAN.
I am so stressed out right now, I don't want to do anything.

I've entered rage mode since I started reading your blog. I AM MAD AS FUCK, STAND BACK.
This morning the font size on my computer was really tiny. So I asked Shane to come fix it. He came over, looked at it,and said it was a problem with the internet and he couldn't do anything about it.

Christ, dumb leading the stupid. Ctrl+0, idiots.

Whenever something is wrong with me, I like to assume I have the Worst Case Scenario.

Currently I'm pretending I had my inner ear replaced with the shit space marines have in their ears so they don't get dizzy and can't hear white noise.
That explains the splitting pain I get when I sneeze, I'm sure.
The thing about Abbey is, during her language development/learning to speak/important formative years, she lived in Louisiana.

NO EXCUSE.

So Abbey has this...accent, that sometimes makes it hard for friends and family to understand her. Last night she combined her big accent with her bad grammar and incorrect word choice and came out with a sentence that I couldn't get.

YOUR CHILD IS STUPID. SHE IS NOT SPECIAL. SHE IS BELOW AVERAGE.
We were on our way to the movie and she said, "Tomorrow, can you run me a fever and go online? I have a Barbie Pink Party code."

... Favor?
"I'm sorry?"
"Tomorrow, can you run me a fever?"
"What? I don't understand."
"You know, when you do something for someone? I think it's called a fever."
"Oh! DO you a FAVOR! Oh!"

Spend less time sassing off on the internet and more time teaching your children how to speak properly. How is it I've met people who speak English as a second (or third, or even fourth) language and manage better than you idiots?
Well that's it I'm done with this fuck.
Also: happy 300th post to me about 3 posts ago~


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