Today we have a very rare specimen indeed: a male who, on the surface, isn't gay. This is not possible, as we all know, because all men with blogs are gay. It's been proven.
But he seemingly has a normal life with some cunt named Jes (perhaps that's short for Justin, I don't know). But it's okay: he's a grade A dick, and dicks and cunts go together like Bruce Springsteen and bad music.
I convinced Jes that I was helping a friend move during the day and wouldn't be able to see her until later that night.
When making plans it's very important to stop for a moment and think to yourself "where can this plan go horrifically wrong?" and if "oh right, she could get totally butthurt" is the answer, you might want to rethink your battle plan, Patton.
And that we might miss our dinner reservations, but I'd make it up to her today (Monday). The plan was then that I'd show up and surprise her.
Let me guess: she went out with her girlfriends and got drunk.
Jes did not take it very well. She's a fiery one and I should have realized that there's no way she would just stay put and wait around for me to call. She went out with friends, which I didn't find out until I went to pick her up and couldn't find her.
Oh it's like he can see into the future how does he do it--
She had her phone on silent, so my calls went to her voicemail. Finally, I got in touch with one of her friends. The group was drunk at a bar.
Someone call the Inquisition we have psychic talent right here in my house--
At this point, there was no way we were going to make dinner reservations. I walked in and some guys were hitting on the group. Jes, pissed at me for all sorts of reasons,
I'm not sure who's the bigger twat in this situation. On one hand what an over-reactive baby his girlfriend is, but on the other hand what a dope he is for not anticipating this. Surely he should know his girlfriend better than me, a stranger on the internet?
This is an incredibly common situation in my life where I'm supposed to take sides but I end up hating both parties.
Words were exchanged and long story short, we all got thrown out and that guy and I continued fighting in the street.Fist fighting, I hope.
Everyone else stepped in and broke us apart. Then I drove Jes and all her friends home. We're going to try VDay again today. See how that goes.
Yes your first attempt at synthing a happy Valentine's ended in a critical failure where all your materials were lost.
Also don't let anything like statistics fool you: my character manages to explode synths 30 levels below her.
She's pretty stupid.
The first guy Jes ever brought home to her family, and hopefully the last.
The first time was for a play date when we were maybe 4.
Oh look it's like they were meant to be together or som-- Zzzzzzzzzz
Jes is being amazing. Phenomenal. She's keeping me on my toes. Occasionally makes herself "unavailable" and flirts with other girls in front of me.
Huh that's really weird, because here would be my assumption if my girlfriend were unavailable: "oh huh she must be out or something I'll call again later." Maybe it's because I'd never date a cunt like "Jes" but availability would probably never keep me on my toes.
I took one of those plastic Easter eggs from my jacket pocket and gave it to her. I told her Happy Easter, and as she opened it, I knelt. A little wet from earlier rain, but great night weather.
hurrrrrrrr
It's sad when your girlfriend does better with her bracket because she knows more about college basketball than you do.
ENTRIES FROM A YEAR AGO
Also I just pick the coolest names to win. Belmont and Gonzaga should always win.
My horoscope from yesterday:
Stop. You're not a girl. Men do not read horoscopes.
Okay, proceed.
Today's birthday (Feb. 23): To you, it's not enough to be really good at one thing. You figure out how to apply your attributes to become a star in everything you do. May brings financial breakthroughs. The love risks you take in June are worthwhile.
That's from the birthday email my sister sent me. She bolded the last line.
Oh.
Attached to the email was a picture of an engagement ring, as if I didn't get the hint. And since things weren't already crystal clear, Jules called me later to explain that the picture was of the ring. I don't even want to know when she and Jes had this talk or why my sister thought this would be such a great birthday present.
So your birthday present was a suggestion to get your girlfriend a very expensive ring.
... Okay, I guess that makes sense--
This used to be a journal about my bachelor shenanigans and youthful indiscretions. Now it's a running commentary about the issues in my personal life. None of it is even that interesting.
OH WOW, NOT VERY INTERESTING. BETTER POST THIS IMMEDIATELY!
And right. I let a female friend sleep in my bed a couple of nights ago.
It's fine. Nothing happened. Hell, I'm pretty sure every girl in the house (well, almost every girl) has slept in my bed.
"Let me find reasons for my girlfriend to be pissed at me."
Which I hope is a good thing. She asked me how I'd feel if one of her guy friends spent the night in her bed.
Oh look she just threw you a softball--
I told her I'd kill him. She asked why there was a double standard. I apologized. She is really, really angry.
I'm looking into buying a motorcycle.
I think it'll make me look cool.
Jes thinks I'm a "dipshit" and an idiot.
You're so lucky I'm not your friend, dude.
I'm the biggest rabble-rouser ever.
"I think you'd look fucking rad," would be my response to your and your girlfriend's face, then in private to her I'd tell her I thought you were a dipshit and being unsafe.
You would never get a moment's rest.
So whatever, "Kevin". Enjoy your shitty life with your banshee girlfriend. Meanwhile in Meland I have awesome shit to do.
