Ha ha

It's one of those days, man. Everyone on Livejournal is just extra boring and DICK is happening. I found a blog, I guess, but before I begin I want bellatragedia (that's quite the name) to know that under normal circumstances her blog would be passed right over. That's pretty bad, Bella. When I'm looking for a bad blog your blog is rejected for being too bad. That's a feat.

I now work at Cuban Crafter Cigar Shop at the register. I actually rather like my job; I can sit where I could not at my last job; I can read and write in peace without being annoyed or harassed by anyone, so long as its downtime; I can smoke freely; I am a perfect little goddess there, surrounded constantly by men who all find me stunning.

Yeah right.
Perfect little goddess of... Fat?
I'm not very good at the joke construction today.

I stayed the hell away from males for a while, using them only to cruelly [sic] amuse myself more or less and then I found someone for whom I have no words. We fit.

Oh look, it's this shit again. Further, I'm not sure why "cruelly" got a [sic], because (for once) it's spelled and used correctly.
Sure it's not exactly a modern definition of cruel, but it works.
Also, people, time to check your definition of "a while". In light of what she has just said (in a post made January 25th) how long do you think it'll be since she broke up with her last boyfriend?
Well it's hard to say what transpired between December 3rd and January 25th, but she was still with her previous idiot on the 3rd of December, so apparently "a while" is "less than a month" in relationship terminology.

How can I expect you to be better than what you are if you're nothing to begin with and have no desire to raise yourself up from your ridiculous ignorance?

Oh please.
That's an awesome excuse, by the way. MY RELATIONSHIP FAILED BUT THAT'S OKAY I'M TOO AWESOME FOR RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!! (!!!)

The other day, as I catalogued, was one of the most morbidly miserable days I can remember, but as is the nature of my life things did indeed change dramatically.

Let's diagram this sentence.
On second thought let's not.

But there is a reason they call me Shivzik. I went home and stayed home for two days with the Mister Robert Capone. Needless to say he is mine and I am am one step closer to attaining that name.
But in all honesty I am going to fall for that man hard.

Ten days later he's an idiot and doesn't appreciate her. I guess Bella's favor is fickle.
That's what I really do not understand about these bints. They go from I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE WE GET MARRIED :3 to FUCK MEN GODDAMN THAT GUY WAS A HUGE FUCKING PRICK in less than ten days.
As I understand it, if you sit back and properly gauge the situation you can probably tell this shit before even having sex with someone.
I know that's hard to imagine, but it's true.

Robert treats me wonderfully and for once I don't feel like I need to worry about his motives; I took bars and basically passed out the moment my head hit the pillow. When I arose this morning, there he is in bed beside me, not have distrubed me once.

You guess. It sounds like you blacked out, so you really don't know what happened.

I was paid more attention this weekend than just about any other weekend of my life and for once I saw it. I seriously caught so many glances made at me both meant for seeing and for not. Jason was twice if not thrice as cheeky and honestly made cracks just to get me to look at him and smile, which I did of course.

And from here on in it gets really bad.

Ever ready. Ever loyal. Ever strengthened. I am a warrior.

Yeah probably a shitty sword warrior because "that's what SE gives warriors at the start and if they intended for warriors to use axes they'd start with one."
Or my personal favorite "I'm going to be a paladin so I'm getting practice in now" because leveling a weapon from 1-50 is so scary difficult and can't possibly be soloed in half an hour.

I know this even though I am not suffering but I know that regardless of how a day goes, everyone is in a battle. The day could seem the most perfect and idyllic of days, but we all must fight for our lives. I don't see this to be rough, pessimistic or negative in any light; such is life for humanity and the faster one realizes it the better off they will be, if not in the world at least with themselves.

I love these little paragraphs that are these bizarre "deep" thoughts about life. It reminds me of an opium-induced aside written by someone in my American Romanticism class (fuck American Romanticism).

Are you male or female:
Girl

Describe yourself:
Her Majesty

I think I had a point to make in quoting this but I can't honestly remember what I was going to say because it's just so incredibly douchey I can barely wrap my mind around how awe-inspiringly bad this is.

I wish to inform all you fellow readers, and random motherfuckers who end up on this page because you're nosy, that I, Anezka, will be sticking with Erik,
for better or worse, forever and ever.


I came to this epiphany sometime after I lost count of how many orgasms I was having in our two hour session after number... 15?

Ho ho ho oh no.
Wait, I have the perfect reaction image for this:
That's the topper, incidentally. Nothing is getting worse than "fat girl having 15 orgasms (oh God the smell)" so I'm just going to duck out here and gouge my eyes out like our boy Oedipus, here.