DENY THE WITCH

Got that new X-COM game.
Sure like getting yelled at every five seconds about blowing up the aliens.
CAN'T SALVAGE ARTIFACTS IF YOU KEEP DESTROYING THE BODY.
Well I don't think WE FUCKING NEED ARTIFACTS IF THEY'RE PUNKED OUT BY ROCKET TUBES.
Oh right. AnywayS.

It figures that the boy I'm dating is turned on by nerdery. Seriously, every time I mentioned I wanted to go see the new Trek movie he kisses me. And then he looks on my bookshelf and finds H2G2 and Firefly and I get THE BIGGEST HUG EVER.

In other news I AM RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY.

I know this is ancient history by blogging standards but it's really bad so I figure why not.
It's not like this blog has a purpose anymore so whatever fuck it you people will read it anyway.

I AM KIND OF DATING AND STUFF WITH THIS AMAZING GUY.

ERGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO.

Hit the caps lock key first.

I'M KIND OF AT THE POINT RIGHT NOW OF GOING "I LOVE YOU, OFFICE FURNITURE/STAMP/COMPUTER SCREEN" BECAUSE REALLY, I AM FULL OF LOVE AND HUGS AND WANT HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND.

THAT IS ALL. 

It's like 3/18ths of one inch to not look like a dipshit.
Honest to God.

Today my evil coworkers, who didn't even stop conversation when I fell flat on my face in front of them, have all taken the day off. They are all conservative. I declare victory.

Also my project on fat activism/fat biopolitics might be shown at this film festival for my minor, and all the people in my class want to take part in it. Now I actually have to write, film and edit the damn thing. But yay I is popular.

Also, WE HAVE PRESIDENT OBAMA! 

Fat bipolitics?
Nope.
Don't even want to know what the fuck that means.

I get the feeling that my current guy is feeding me lines.

We were supposed to hang out this afternoon; 3 hours later and I had heard nothing. I had sent him text messages and there was no response. I go online, he's not on. I try to do some reading, he's back on, but signs off. He signs back on again to tell me he's not feeling well, it hurts even to sleep and he can't come over. 

I really care about your dating woes.
Wait I'm not allowed to use lines like that because I really did this to myself.
No one is reading 4 year old blog posts except me.

I thought it was sweet and slightly anemic when he was first chatting, but seriously, does anyone say things like this when they're not the star of a made-for-tv-movie? Isn't this the textbook "How to get in sensitive girl's pants 101"? I'm so alone, I wish someone would help me, blah blah blah. And worse, his "deep thoughts" remind me of my ex-friends, where he'd say things to get a reaction from people, who was otherwise totally self-absorbed, and whose life crises meant the end of the world. That's not a good comparison to be floating through my head. 

... Dump him?
Why is this an issue?

I think he's trying to reel me in with fake deepness, and he's covering up something going on for 3 hours. He trolls extensively through my Facebook profile, I know, and that's giving me signs that something is wrong. He laughs at guys on TV who make sure that their partners are sure they want to have sex because "oh my god, you will turn down makeup desperation sex?" His feminism seems regurgitated, aka my post on "I deplore the state of the prison system"--I'm the only one to bring up feminist thought even when it's blatantly obvious or sexist, and then he'll only nod and blandly agree. Something's not right with him. I hope to god he doesn't turn out to be an emotional abuser like ex-friend, because this smells like the beginnings of an emotional roller-coaster.

At least he can cover for himself better than the last one, who forced me into near-nervous-breakdown and had nothing to say but demanded my time. It'll be hard to deal with a smart one. 

DUMP HIM?
His feminism seems regurgitated but I am completely incapable of standing up for myself.
He's the Lifetime Movie character?
You're the Lifetime Movie character. Stop projecting.
Also: do you ever shut the fuck up? I feel like I have to type more to pad out my own commentary so it doesn't seem like the me to you ration is 10:1.

I would never have imagined the words "I deplore the state of the prison system" coming out of the mouths of anyone not giving a stump speech, but I heard it straight out of the mouth of the guy I'm seeing last night. I think I'm either going to be swooning or checking his pockets for notecards saying "how to impress a feminist". 

STRONG EMPOWERED WOMYN.
See radical feminists like to take the "man" out of "woman" so they added a y.
I swear I didn't make this up.

So, I've been reading about the Amanda Marcotte/BlackFemiPower dustup and it's got me pissed. I have written off Pandagon from my list of blogs I visit (though the sole WOC blogger there still has my readership at her own place) and decided to read predominantly anti-racist and WOC feminist blogs. So far I've only made it to The Angry Black Woman, Diary of an Anxious Black Woman and Fetch Me My Axe. 

What must it be like to have this much free time?
Between teaching school and protecting earth from vile xenos I have only enough spare time to save the world from shitty blogs.
I'm basically a living saint is what I'm trying to say.
Kneel before me and be saved, as unworthy as ye art.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being less than I am. I'm tired of not taking risks. I'm tired of being on the outside looking in. I'm most tired of living for other people.

I'm so tired of being alone,
I'm so tired of on-my-own,
won't you help me, girl,
just as soon as you can.
People say that I've found a way,
to make you say,
that you love me.
But baby,
you didn't go for that,
me, it's a natural fact,
that I wanna come back,
show me where it's at, baby.

I hate boys.

So I dated the boy I made out with last semester over the internet most of the summer. You know, get a little steamy fun in while you've got nothing to do. The best part is he's madly in love with me. As in he uses "I love you" as a conversation starter. So what do I do with all this heady power?

Abuse it, of course. I broke up with him twice. 

>Break up with him twice
>it's his fault though!
WHITE WOMEN.

 Once on pretext, another because I found out he lied to me about how far he had gone, which made me feel a fool for all the "would your last girlfriend let you do this?" conversation during makeouts. And of course when you're usisng someone purely for phsyical pleasure full integrity must be maintained.

Then, two weeks ago, I'm missing him and the dirty things he'd say. I get him to get back to saying such things with a little lying and coertion. Then, right when I'm telling him, at his insistence, a few dirty thoughts of mine, he says, "I think we should get serious with other people."

FUCKER. I am the cute one in the relationship; how dare *he* break up with *me*! And at the freaking worst possible time, too. 

I just gotta say listening to Al Green makes this blog slightly more tolerable than it is.
Mostly because I can just copy this bullshit and pretend to play the bass while not reading it.

I had to meet with my professor yesterday about my grade on it, and he said that he gave me an 18 out of 20 because "nobody can be perfect." His critizisms were things like tersing up what I write and using clearer language.

You, having a problem with terse language?
SURELY NO.
Oh thank fuck I hit the start of this blog.
Jesus Christ.
Anyway time to kill aliens.
No rest for the wicked.