Today's blog is located here: http://neeru-xoria.deadjournal.com/
First thing: I'm skipping the first two entries (July 26 and the one after it).
So immediately I have no idea what's going on. Apparently Sid (must be British, yeah?) had a baby.
Skipping some more posts that don't interest me at all, and we're on to June 6, 2008.
Man I have some good times looking at these jobs. There are posts that make me laugh and posts that are like what the hell....
For example, today I saw one that was like: Are you a hunter? Do you like sales? Work at our waste management company! LAWLS!
Oh, could that I would be so easily amused.
And Im sitting here like ....those things have nothing in common.
thatsthejoke.jpg
I also like the jobs that are completely not descriptive. Its like, WORK HERE =D and youre like....well where is here?...What is it that you want me to do?....And then you click it and theyre like, work here we'er awesome and give benifits =D Be cooooool come here! And youre still wondering what the hell is going on because they havent really told you ANYTHING.
No, indeed, I'm wondering why I'm gibbering like a moron. Let's go over the second person pronoun and its use. Ideally it wouldn't be used at all, but that has a rather academic tone for a blog. How I use it is (I hope) responsibly. The "you" is clearly directed at the person writing the blog (thus setting up what we call a "false dialogue" in the litfag world. Lends itself to comedy: that's why I tell the jokes, people) or framing it somewhere around the word "us", implying a camaraderie involving me and the audience.
So there's that. Then there's the use of "like". I'm sure I've gone over the actual use of "like", but just as a refresher: "like" never, ever prefaces the start of a quote.
My favorite ones though, are the completely misleading ones. The heading is something like, BIOLOGIST! So you click it, not that I have any interest in biology but just for giving you an outrageous example, pretend like I do. So you click and its like, duties: Answering the phone, faxing some shit, getting the mail and shoveling poop.
Yeah, that'd be an entry-level position. Someone with a biology degree might apply and work her way into bigger things involving actual biology.
Man, I dont know why it is that all men on the internet are the biggest pigs on the face of the earth but they really are. It seems like all the gentlemen, the few that there are on this earth just avoide the internet like a plague, which leaves room for all the sick pig headed shits that roam the yahoo chat rooms.
Civilized adults don't go to chat rooms. Also, anonymity+internet+opinions=asshole. It's just how it works.
I'm sitting in there tonight and theres these shits in there that are like, oh man, asian girls like to be raped. Rape is so funny, hahaha. You know what else is funny? Suicide, thats funny haha. I dont know why girls are always commiting suicide when bad things happen to them. Like, rape. Or breaking up. But suicide is so cowardly. People who commit suicide are stupid. Theyre wusses. And suck.
People like that really piss me off. But it pisses me off even more to see men doing that. How dare you. Do you honestly think ANY girl likes to be raped? Do you honestly think that suicide is fucking FUNNY? It makes me fucking sick.
Whoa, whoa easy, chief. It's the fucking internet. Stop taking it so seriously.
I always see those men in there. Acting like fucking pigs. Hey any sluts in here? Hey some bitch show me her tits on webcam? Why wont any girls fuck with me? How dare they say they have ANY pride at all. They shouldnt even be allowed balls. They should all be made eunuchs, every last fucking one of them.
So you show them how grown up you are by threatening castration. Veeeeeeeeeery mature.
Maybe I should just become a fucking nun. Either that or a full blown lesbian. So I can ignore all the men in the world who are fucking little shits. Im going to become a super femininist. And be like, fuck men. Youre all PIGS. HUGE DISGUSTING PIGS. You think youre so fucking funny, so fucking full of yourself. I hope a lot of mean things on them right now. I'd make a shitty Jesus because I want more than an eye for an eye.
What. I like the use of "full blown lesbian", as opposed to a regular lesbian, I suppose. This type of phrasing almost implies it's possible to be a woman fucking other women and not a lesbian. At all. Or if you do it really hard you're a SUPER LESBIAN. I guess what she's doing there is implying she's bisexual, which I'm pretty sure all girls on the internet claim to be. Either way, not fucking impressed. She seems rather confused, too, at who exactly she's supposed to be channeling these emotions. At first it's all men, then all men who are also shits, then all men again. I guess it's angry high schooler logic that I never understood.
The next two posts are major too long, didn't read, but she implies she's graduating college, not high school, which makes me wonder what the fuck she learned in college.
Yay no more finals. I am offically done with college classes.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus Christ. Maybe she had a bullshit major that doesn't require work or thought or growth, but in the never-ending hell that is the education curriculum, she wouldn't have passed even an entry level class.
And I'm playing the 'My thesis is not due thursday' game. Yay for me.
I would pay whatever is in my wallet to read that. Thesis, to me, implies a major fucking paper. Either a masters thesis or doctoral thesis. Let's assume the best, in this case, and say it's a masters thesis. Even so, it's not something you just shit together a week before. It requires some time, research, and planning. Apparently whatever she cranked out passed through peer review, which is fucking incredible. Apparently American education standards have sunk that low.
Unless, and this would assume the impossible, she only types like a complete idiot on the internet, and off the internet can maintain the cantor of a civilized adult.
So I laugh, at the stupidity that is american children. Its sad and unfortunate that he did die, Im not trying to belittle the fact that a child died. Im merely pointing out how little intellegence children have these days.
I-- hey, that's what I just got through saying about you! Also nice cop-out on the "I'M LAUGHING BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I STILL FEEL BAD HE DIED." Way to be a cunt. If you're going to be an internet tough guy, here's how you do it: fuck him and fuck his family. I'm glad the shit's dead: one less asshole polluting my planet.
There. That's how you fucking do it.
I dont know why I was possessed to be a double major XD it seemed like a good idea at the time, but Im worried I am not good enough to get an A on this paper, which is what I really want. Its like, Im writing and writing on it and Im to this point and Im all, what the hell am I writing, I dont even know what point Im trying to make by telling you this?
Double. Fuck. Major. The college I attend, that is, one with a tenured faculty and a rigorous curriculum that isn't a diploma mill, you have to be approved for a double major. Based off the standard of writing I've seen thus far, she wouldn't have been accepted, let alone for a double major.
I have no idea how long the thesis statement is suppose to be Im turning in tomorrow. On the sheet it says a paragraph, but Katie said Metraux said a page. Whoo for having no idea whats going on =D! Mine is like...1/4 a page, maybe half a page if I double space my name XD Plus I havent really done enough research to support what Im saying. So it should be fun. (I dont even know why professors would want to read thesis papers anyway, I could imagin if I had to read them all. I would be like, in the crazy house)
It's a page. Come on. I could have written it in five minutes. I understand you're not exactly smart, or even of menial intelligence, but Jesus fuck show some guts.
So to keep this one short: punctuation. Use some.
Try to sound like someone who just graduated college, please. I understand it isn't school and you are on the internet, but that's no excuse.
That would sum it up, I guess. For the record, I have literally read the thoughts of 8th graders that are more mature than some of the paradigms you've set up. Whatever you spent (or whatever your parents, or the government spent) for you to go to college would have better served building a road. Or a bridge. Or fuck, just throwing it off said bridge. I know people who never had the chance to attend college at all, so I consider it a privilege.
Maybe that sort of thinking is why I don't type like that.
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