So I don't really have any idea what I'm going to do. Even though I usually get a rough idea of who I'd like to make fun of and click around until I find an approximation, today I have fuck all.
So I'll just go to LiveJournal and-- fantastic. First click is a likely suspect.
http://jovialjoe.livejournal.com/105254.html
First post I immediately have no idea what he (user name is JovialJoe, that has to be a guy) is talking about. Apparently Antoinette (not Marie) is dead. Died by her own hand-- how tragic.
So on to the previous entry. To get to the previous entry I have to click the back arrow like I'm reading some sort of article. Why couldn't he just have all the entries on the front page like a normal person? Always have to be special, is it?
So this entry is your typical rant on death and being powerless, I suppose. I'll just cut to the good part.
I HATE THIS SO MUCH. I am SICK of watching people die and waiting for them to die or finding that someone's suddenly DEAD, I fucking hate it. I want to break things. Hurt something, whatever, but it's NO FUCKING GOOD because it's not like its going to KEEP them fucking ALIVE. Wishing that a miracle would happen or something doesn't do ANYTHING. They're all fucking DEAD. People will KEEP DYING. Young people, old people, family, friends, they're all going to fucking die at some point and there is NOTHING to do but WAIT.
I'm reminded of words I heard once, but have since forgotten the source:
all life is but a journey to the grave, and the greatest mystery of all is how do we not despair?
I guess that's totally fucking wrong, because look at this crybaby. Good grief.
That's the cycle of life, dude. People die. All kinds of people die, usually for fucking stupid reasons. I don't think the dead would take solace in the fact that you mourn them in this way. Respect the living, honor the dead and move on with your life.
Also you kind of set yourself up as a victim, here. PEOPLE DIE AND I WANT TO HURT SOMEONE TO FIX IT. Easy there, punchy. That sounds like such a dramatic TV show move. Person dies SOMEONE PUNCHES THE WALL SO HARD THEY HURT THEIR HAND. Have some composure.
That whole paragraph came out more serious than I intended. Fuck it, not rewriting it.
So on to the next entry.
What began as a comedic adventure kind of turned into a horror. And it was SOOOOO long. From 9 am (if you caught the tour) to 5:30 pm. I'm going to go for a time, at least, and give it a shot, but I don't really have a good feeling about it.
He's referring, in this case, to freshman orientation at his college. Namely having a nagging suspicion he chose the wrong university. I remember when I had to go through this and it really does put you on edge. By the end of the (what seemed like) nineteen hour extravaganza it is a bit taxing.
It's at this point I'm starting to see a theme emerging through this blog. All blogs I've read seem to have recurring motifs and themes. For instance, mine would have to be cunning wit and hilarious banter mixed with some clever insight. Also wisdom.
This, however, is melodrama. Quick, what captures real life better? Comedy or drama?
Doesn't matter. Whatever does, it isn't this. This reads more like a soap opera than someone's life. PEOPLE ARE DYING AND I'M HAVING TROUBLE ADJUSTING TO MY COLLEGE LIFE AND WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Even if this shit does happen, and it does, I have trouble treating this like it was seriously written by a human.
Also apparently this is a girl, which goes to show I STILL CAN'T TELL GENDER. I guess Joe is short for Josephine. Goddamn.
So she decided to stop talking to her father and blah blah who cares.
This is exactly what I'm talking about. Melodrama.
The lower lid of my left eye is having a freak out. Swollen, red, painful, I look like I've contracted some dreadful disease or like I belong on an episode of House...
The "dreadful disease" you have contracted sounds like conjunctivitis, commonly known as pink eye. Know what treats pink eye? GET SOME ANTIBIOTIC EYE DROPS. Or hell, do nothing. It'll clear itself up eventually.
I've had pink eye a few times in my life. "Pink eye and strep throat" could have been the title of my childhood. I'd say by age nine neither of these things slowed me down.
But this reads like a production. It ends with some sort of babbling about the stages of mourning (which sounds like a cyclic thing for her) and watching Sailor Moon (another recurring theme in these fucking things, oddly) and Road to El Dorado.
I find myself swinging between feeling euphorious, at peace, and then very manic and afraid.
Euphorious, huh? Is that any relation to euphoric? Also feelings of euphoria imply a being at peace, so you really didn't need to add that. Although irrational fear, to me, is a hallmark of a depressive episode instead of a manic episode, depending on the framing of the fear, it could still fit.
In conjunction with what I have to assume is either a tenuous grasp of vocabulary or childlike confusion of emotions, I'd say grief counseling is just the first step in fixing your nutty head.
I'd wager she could be diagnosed as a manic-depressive.
So I've been wandering around all of today, completely freaked out that my senior project presentation is tomorrow. Seriously, my stress level was through the roof today.
But I'm sitting here and it just occured to me that tomorrow, it's going to be done, it's a good project and I feel....
Inexplicably relieved.
Joyous.
This is a good thing :)
I would certainly say she's a creative soul, as she suffers from a frequent delusion of her ilk: the belief that only she has felt emotions this strong, or only she can feel emotions in this exact combination.
Typical college nonsense in the next couple of posts.
GRAAAAGHSHROGNESISDNKSDF!!!
I hate it when people say "You're a teenager...you're supposed to be confused and not know what to do!"
...That may or may not be the case, but I wish my mind would freaking arrive at it's mother effing decision and just decide....do I like this or not? Do I want to continue with this or not? You want to get away, you want to stay, you don't want to go to this college, but then tomorrow you really do want to go to this college, one day you think about pursuing this, one day you say you'll never do this again, then the next day you say "Well, that was fun, maybe I WILL do this or that again".....
Mother FUCKER! I GET that it's a day to day thing and not every decision must be black or white, or work in absolutes, but I HATE IT when my brain just functions in the EXTREMES. I wish I could just GET this fucking "let it go, move along," mentality but noooooooooooooo....
graghsoasosadfnmofereffen'....I annoy myself. Alot.
Jesus Christ. I cannot imagine being this confused in life. Even when I had to do all of this shit I wasn't paralyzed with confusion like she was. I think her problem is she cares too much about making the right decision instead of just making a good decision. Coincidentally, it is in a teenager's nature to be that polarizing. Contrary to your stupid high school brain's thinking, there isn't a right college. In fact, they're all practically the same. Unless you want to be a doctor or go to an Ivy league school or something, it's all pretty much the same.
In this case, thinking long term would be advisable. Go to a community college to get the necessary shit that you'll be taking anyway out of the way for cheap, then transfer to an in state school. Trying not to graduate in huge debt would be my primary objective if I were her.
So there's your fucking short term life goal list right there. Maybe it's because I had the benefit of reading it from the outside, but that took like five minutes to solve. Maybe you should go at it with a rational mind geared towards solving your problems instead of being melodramatic about it and you wouldn't encounter these situations.
I'll admit it's hard sometimes, but fucking goddamn you just have to pull through it.
Oddly the school counselors don't tell you this. Well there, life lesson for free.
So whatever that's it. Not the funniest post I've ever written but fuck you this is my third day in a row grappling with these fucking things.
So in conclusion: BE LESS MELODRAMATIC.
1 comment:
Look to the future, knowing it doesn't include you.
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