I fear this may be a rehash of earlier themes, but they happen with such a normalcy that they may be worth reiterating. Besides it's a free update anyway, so fuck you.
So today's entry is here: http://theshabbyprincessboutique.blogspot.com/
The Shabby Princess Boutique is named for my grandbaby; Jewell Ann, who was born on 5/16/08
All right. Let's go over some things, first. How might a store be named for something (or someone) when the store's name bears none of the words from which it is supposedly taking its name? In the literary world we would call something that is named for something else "eponymous." This is not eponymous. The Shabby Princess Boutique cannot be named after "Jewell Ann" because those words appear nowhere in the title of the store.
Perhaps a more apt description would have been "inspired by" but I am, after all, talking about someone with no sense.
Also "Jewell"? Seriously? With two "L"s? Jewell Ann. Her friends in high school will invariably call her "Jah" in an attempt to sound clever.
You might as well strap her to a stripper pole right the fuck now, because I know where this is headed.
She is my little 'Princess Jewell' and already has a whole wardrobe of clothes with roses and lace.
Oh, I GET IT. Har har har no one is going to get the inside reference to your store you cunt.
Also roses and lace, huh? Wow. Sounds fancy-like.
Hmm. This blog happens to link to another blog. I'm going to do something I've never done before and follow this one in a bit.
So for everyone keeping track, I'm now here:
http://onefeistyredhead.blogspot.com/
Jesus Christ again with the music. What is this? Natasha Bedingfield? Who is that? All right ALL MY MUSIC OFF. WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO NATASHA BEDINGFIELD SING NOW. Sounds like archetypal cunt singing. She's undefined. She's just beginning. PEN'S IN HER FUCKING HAND, SHE'S GOING TO DO IT. Holy shit isn't this the theme to a shampoo commercial? Who seriously listens to this nonsense?
Good Christ I didn't know you could be this devoid of taste. All right off this goes. I'm getting a migraine.
So there's this major too long, didn't read story about cops and smoke detectors and shit. I didn't know you could make a story about a police chase boring. How she did it was make the entire focus of the entry on her and not about the incredibly awesome fist fight going on in her front yard, followed by police. That, I think, is a writer's faux pas.
It's been a very busy Sunday! I babysat Jewell from 9 am until 2 pm. We went to the flea market for about an hour; waste of time. Thankfully, she slept the whole time as it got hot way too quickly outside!
Wouldn't that just be watching your fucking grand child? "Baby sitting" is something you hire a 16 year old girl with no sense to do. That last sentence is a mess.
We had a wonderful evening! Rose, Michelle & baby Jewell came over for pizza and movies. We watched "Fools Gold", "Over Her Dead Body" and "Mad Money". Oh, we also pigged out on Coconut Cream Pie, Ice Cream Sandwiches and Crunch Bars.
You watched ALL of those movies? My friends and I used to make sport out of watching bad movies and even we never tried anything as brazen as watching a Queen Latifah movie. Also pizza, coconut cream pie (proper noun for some reason) ice cream sandwiches (again) and Crunch bars (half credit) sounds like a week's worth of food. Are you sure you shouldn't be posting on the EGL blog?
Once it got dark, Michelle, Jewell and I walked around the block a few times and watched fireworks. It was so much fun! This is my first time living in a house and having a "neighbor-hood". Apartment living meant no fireworks on 4th of July.This is the neighborhood that not one week later there's a running fist fight so bad the cops have to break it up. Sounds like a place I want to take my child and grand child around at night.
So then there's a long sob story about her father dying that's really sad I'm sure (if I read it). Wow it really is filled with nonstop cliches. It reads exactly like a very special episode of "Touched by an Angel".
So then scrolling past some pictures that I'm not going to look at I come across her top ten list of the week. I feel some kind of connection here because I keep similar lists (to myself, of course). While my lists usually contain cool things like "tits" and "space marines" her list is stuff about mascara and tampons or whatever it is girls talk about when they go off to the bathroom together.
Then I came across this one:
The freedom from the scale, as I never weigh during *that* week of the month!
What. How does this even begin to make any goddamn sense? So you don't weigh yourself when you're on the rag? Why might that be? You gain weight then? You lose weight? You just don't do it out of some sort of superstitious obligation or fear?
9. Armani Mania Perfume
"Armani Mania". Sounds treatable.
So skipping past all this nonsense to something more interesting.
July 1, 2008's post entitled "positive thinking" (something I make sure never to do).
I've been posting with such negativity lately. So, I've deleted all those posts and will do my best to look on the bright side of things from now on. I've got to remember that there is so much to be grateful for, every single day.
I love my horoscope. It gives me hope.
fffffffffffffffffffffff I read my horoscope daily and at the end of it I always announce aloud "WHO BELIEVES IN THIS TRASH?" Now I fucking know. I'm going to analyze this horoscope.
Pisces thrives through creative transportation and unique social experiences.
Who doesn't? "I, uhh, thrive through mechanical repetition and the same boring daily grind."
There will be changes in the way you develop your inner-self, this year. Your ability to multitask will continue, as you become involved in more humanitarian projects.
None of that means anything.
I'm going to stop reading that here, but this goes on for TWO PARAGRAPHS.
She linked something guaranteeing I was going to laugh. It was so horrific (it involved Will Ferrel) that I don't even want to talk about it.
Fantastic another top ten list.
Putting on pajama's and crawling in bed exhausted; popping in a Sex and The City DVD and falling asleep thinking of New York and love.
I didn't know people like this existed. Seriously, I thought they were a fictional character everyone made fun of as if they were real.
My large 32 oz diet coke from McDonald's, every single morning. (which replaced my regular coke and/or Starbucks, thank you very much.)
Thirty-two ounces of coke when you wake up. Also she says she's replacing regular coke (or Starbucks) like I'm supposed to be impressed. So here would be my response (not going to censor myself): "you're welcome. Enjoy your coke."
Stepping on the scale and seeing I lost a pound, or two in overnight.
How much must you weigh to have that much weight fall off over the course of one evening?
Ah, the answer:
I woke up this morning and realized that it may be time to pack away my size 14[...]
So size 12 now, I guess?
I am so happy to have discovered the Dr. Atkins diet, as it is the only diet that works for me. I survive on Grilled Chicken Salads and Diet Coke. (Dare I mention the gazillion bruises I have all over my body? Maybe I'm vitamin deficient?)
Yes. Surprisingly, grilled chicken salads and diet coke (both from McDonald's, I'm guessing) do not constitute a balanced diet.
Thyroid problems for one, don't roll you eyes at me, I really have an under active thyroid, I swear!
I didn't roll my eyes, I put my hand over my face like I'm disappointed in being part of the same species as you.
Now there's a really long rant about what I can only describe as "working man's plight" about how disappointed she is in her children for not knowing the same hardships she has. Maybe it's my own privileged view of the world but wouldn't you want your children to have a better life than you?
But, the struggles are what made me into the person I am. One who is determined to always be strong and make it on my own. I want my girls to be independent and try their damndest to make due with what they have. Yes, I know I'm still going to hear how difficult it is to walk 1/2 mile to the store, or pay $2.50 for a load of laundry to be washed. But, I want them to know how fortunate they are. A lot of people live paycheck to paycheck and never ever get to eat out, or go to the theatre. Some people will never own a car.
Ah, that old rhetoric. "Other people have it harder than you so don't feel bad." Somehow that's deeply unconvincing when it costs you $2.50 to do one load of laundry and the economy is in the shitter to begin with.
Personally I'd shoulder any burden like that with silence that borders on stoic but then again not everyone can be as badass as I am. Actually I'd probably never stop bitching. Whichever.
I think maybe she started with a good point but it was lost in a sea of piss-poor writing.
So, after searching on ebay for weeks, I bought the entire 6 season DVD set for $75.00, which seems outrageous, but it is $190 at Target. Mine is from China and has a few minor problems, but overall, I got a great deal.
Seventy-five dollars for a bootleg? No wonder you have money issues. Or maybe you don't. Wait-- no I don't know. It just seems like you might. Next post (surprisingly) addresses this issue. She has a credit score somewhere between 750-799, which is good I think.
Either way Jesus Christ way too much personal information. If you read through all of my entries carefully the only thing you could glean was my first name and my rough geographical location.
All right so it is a rehash, but in conclusion:
develop taste.
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