IT'S WEDNESDAY

At least where I am. Get on my level. So the common blog is basically dead. Livejournal is unusable and Dreamwidth appears to be fully switching to fanfiction which I am not reading. That's fucking stupid bullshit that should stop too but that will have to be another generation's fight.
So let's settle into our twilight of mediocrity with Dear Abby.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning to attend a birthday party for my friend "Sophia" who is turning 50. When I mentioned to her that I would be shopping for her birthday gift, she asked that while I was shopping for her, that I also pick up a gift for her friend "Stacy."
I have met Stacy only a couple of times, and I think it was extremely nervy for Sophia to ask me to do it. The party is only for her, and I don't see the connection.
Sophia has done this in the past, and I'm trying to think of a way to tell her I'd rather not buy a gift for her friend. How should I handle this? -- NO LONGER A DOORMAT

"Don't tell me how to live my life, bitch."

DEAR ABBY: My friend's husband has been writing a novel for several years. He just self-published it, and it's available on Amazon. He gave me a copy, asked me to read it and enter a great review on the Amazon page. The problem is the book is filled with misused and misspelled words, and there is missing punctuation. He even switched the names of two characters. (His wife, who is a "perfectionist," was his editor.)
Aside from the fact that I don't want to finish the book, I know he or my friend will ask me how I liked it. I don't want to lie because I'm afraid if someone else brings these things to their attention, they'll know I didn't read it or think I should have told them.

Nope fuck that he's in the publishing world now if he can't handle a little criticism he should stop writing.

I know they will be embarrassed if I bring it to their attention.
Frankly, I think it's too late to say anything negative because the book has already been printed. I also don't want to cause hurt feelings because I know how long he worked on this project and he's proud of it. How do I handle this? -- READER IN THE SOUTHWEST

You rip into that shit like you're a cannibal taking a big bite right out of his heart.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Gene" for three years, living together for a year and a half.

"Gene"

Our biggest problem is, he doesn't keep a "normal" schedule. Gene eats at odd hours, exercises at the strangest times and will stay awake 'til the wee hours of the morning, then crash for a day or so. He seems unfazed by this wackiness. He's responsible, holds a good job and comes from a terrific family, but his habits are taking a toll on me.

That's because he's Gene Starwind, captain of the Outlaw Star. He has to outrun Taoists looking for the Galactic Ley Line. Cut the man some slack.

DEAR ABBY: Can you settle a dispute for me? When you go up to a house with two doors -- a regular door and a screen door -- and there is no doorbell, is it proper to open the first door and knock on the second door or is it considered rude? 

... What, are you fucking retarded?
No, knock on the screen door until the glass breaks, idiot.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a new husband, and things I thought I could tolerate before we were married are really bugging me now. I raised a daughter with another woman, and my current wife deleted every picture of her -- from sonograms to her second birthday -- and won't let me keep anything of hers.
I understand she wants our lives to be about us, but I try to keep it separate and the resentments are starting to fester. I'd confront her, but she's pregnant and has been extra emotional about me even leaving for work.

Damn look at this thug.
Get used to having your nuts in a sling because I see who is already running your fucking life.

What do I do? Should I wait eight more months for the baby and then say something? I'm afraid I will snap before then. 

Remind that bitch you have another daughter that you need to pay attention to.
I can't believe how fucking stupid you are, though. You have fucked up on such an ineffable level that I'm pretty sure there's no advice that can be given to you that you'll take.
Like this really is the adviser's dilemma, and I've been in this situation before, where your dumbass did something so fucking wrong the fact you did this in the first place pretty much proves you won't listen to common sense on how to fix it.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Beth" has a boyfriend, "Danny." They have a 6-month-old baby girl. Neither one has a driver's license, and they both have low-paying part-time jobs.
Beth expects us to baby-sit, take her to the doctor, etc. Mom is now starting to refuse to do more than baby-sit on Sunday, because she says Beth needs to get her license and look for a better job, and it won't happen until she's "pushed to the wall." Only then will she realize she has to.
I agree, but I feel Beth and Danny should pursue their dreams. It takes money to get a license, and where we live there is no public transportation. What's your take on this tug-of-war? -- BIG BROTHER IN CALIFORNIA

Pursue their dreams?
What the fuck is the matter with you?
That shit takes work and perseverance and shit. Also usually you start that path before you inject a child into the mix.
Once you have a kid it's time to stop being selfish cunt hipsters and get your fucking license.
And fuck you for enabling this weakness.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriends are always trying to get me drunk. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and in fact, I rarely drink. They say I'm "no fun," which is probably true. But that's just who I am.

Well there you go. By your own admission you're not fun so to enhance the situation you need alcohol infused.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I share a credit card that was opened under my name. I use it for gas and household or family needs. She uses it for personal things such as buying dolls for her collection.
I was informed that I will no longer be able to use the card after the last statement we got. (I had spent more than $100 on gas for the month.) I feel I am using the card for the purpose for which it was intended. Buying things that aren't for the family but for her personal enjoyment wasn't our agreement.

It's your credit card, idiot. Cut her the fuck off.
What is it with people today?

I'm not sure how to approach her about this without it becoming an argument. She has a spending problem.
I recently found a job, so I contribute financially to the household. This is something that has been thrown in my face every time we talk about money. I want to see the statement so I can compare who spent how much on what, but when I ask to see it, she gets defensive. -- IN THE DARK IN MICHIGAN

"I recently found a job, so I contribute..." to me, seems to imply that previously you didn't have a job and weren't contributing financially.
This raises a couple of questions:
1. when I had a job, why was I denied a credit card with no credit (good or bad) and this retard with no job gets a credit card no problem? Fucking typical.
2.  bro what the shit are you doing with your life? You engaged this bitch with no job? So naturally she got a job first and let it go right to her head. Now the foundation of your relationship is set around this bitch having a job and you needing to submit to her insanity because you're now engaged to a permanently power tripping bitch.
Priorities, dick.

DEAR IN THE DARK: If the credit card is in your name, then you are responsible for anything that is purchased with it. The statements are addressed to you, and you have a right to see them. That your fiancee is refusing to show them to you is a sure sign that she has something to hide.

I'd tell you the ultimate secret to picking up bitches that aren't shit but it'd probably just confuse your dumbass so I'll spare you the details.
Suffice it to say if there's a good way to get women and a bad way to get women you just shit all over the salad bar at Pizza Hut.

That's why you must take the card away from her to ensure that she isn't putting you into a financial hole you won't be able to dig yourself out of. And because the lady can't seem to control her spending, I'm urging you to think long and hard before marrying her, because after you do, you will be responsible for her debts.

Abby, listen.
I appreciate the advice you gave this guy.
You are absolutely right. He shouldn't marry her.
The fact he can't see this and needed to ask you proves he won't be able to see the wisdom in your words.

DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my third child. 

Oh boy. Oh it turns out to be a non-issue that can be solved with even the slightest amount of critical thought--
sort of like most of these letters, really--
Fuck.
Anyway I'm all caught up now and I suddenly find myself with something better to do so goodbye everyone--
I've had this song stuck in my head a while.

FUCK

Sorry I've been busy with things and stuff.
Work could be an excuse but that's really just 8 hours a day.
The real excuse is the Steam sale and vidya gayms.
Also like
going out sometimes
but not too often because let's not go crazy, ok.
Anyway let's do DEAR ANNIE.

Dear Annie: Please print my pet peeve. I am a senior citizen and dislike the terms used by waitresses, waiters and others serving the public. I feel that I'm being patronized when they call me, "Sweetie," "Honey," "Darlin'," "Angel," etc. These words are not endearing and make me want to decrease my tip.
"May I take your order, please?" is all that is necessary. If you know my name, use it. Otherwise, please stop speaking to me as if I were 5 years old. — B. 

I'd like to point out the letter above this that I skipped is about a veteran with PTSD.
Talk about a jump in seriousness of the problem. This guy might be trying not to freak out and murder everyone around him but meanwhile, you know, diner waitresses say shit you don't like.
Like if it bothers you that fucking much don't go there. Go to McDonald's where they don't say shit.
Or hell come to Korea where there's a weird BDSM vibe. The waitresses won't even speak to you unless spoken to first.

Dear Annie: A co-worker of mine sent a wedding "Save the Date" card addressed only to me. I've been married for eight years. When the invitation came, my name was the only one on the envelope, and the response card was already filled out, marked for one person attending. Obviously, my husband is not invited. After speaking to a few other co-workers, I realized I was not the only one. All of the other invitations were the same: no spouses.
My husband has decided it is too awkward for him to attend this wedding.
The consensus among my co-workers is that this is quite rude, and a lot of people's feelings have been hurt. The bride is only 24. She's been here a year, and I have to continue working with her. I'm not sure how to proceed. What should I do? — Minus One

lol weddings
white girl getting to be a princess no one's feelings matter

Dear Annie: I have been married for four years. In that time, we have split up twice, and it wasn't pretty either time. We have kids together. I pushed getting married when I became pregnant at 19. Then he claimed to fall out of love with me, stopped coming home after work and began treating me like his maid. So I left and took our child. He followed me and swore he'd do better. The second time we split, we fought so much that things were being thrown, and our throats were sore from screaming at each other. For the (now two) kids' sake, I said we can't keep fighting and left again.
Here's the problem now. While we were separated, I fell deeply in love with a married man.

Now that you're 24 you're so much fucking wiser.
I'm glad children are injected into this situation.
So let me see if I have assessed this situation correctly:
pregnant at 19 so you push him into a marriage he's obviously not ready for because he's a fucking idiot and 21
in 4 brief years of marriage you've split up twice
started an affair with a married man
oh but wait it's not "we have a kid" it's "we have kids" so this mistake has been repeated more than once--

We would talk about our troubled lives and build each other up. Every time I see him, the feeling is like thunder in my heart. But for the sake of our marriages and our children, we went back to our spouses. That was mainly his choice, and although I hung on his every word with disappointment, I agreed. It's been a year since my husband and I reconciled, and I stopped speaking to the other man. But I wake up with him on my mind, and he's in my thoughts 24/7. What's wrong with me?

The problem is you're stupid.

Dear Annie: People seem to have difficulty unfriending others on Facebook. I'd like to share with your readers how easy it is to avoid that.
You can limit Facebook friends by making some friends "acquaintances." You can elect to share posts with "friends except acquaintances." That way, not everyone will see what you post, but the people in your network won't know whether they are "friends" or "acquaintances," and there won't be any hurt feelings.
You also don't have to "unfriend" someone you aren't that close to. There are other categories, as well. I have a special list called "family." I think sometimes Facebook users are too quick to add everyone who asks to their "friend" list. I also believe it is a good idea when posting pictures of kids to make sure they are not tagged "public" so that you limit who can see them. — Facebook Extraordinaire 

Orrr you could do what I do: add everyone then never use Facebook.
Fuck social media.
I mean who the fuck thinks anyone gives a shit about you going to the store?
CHECK OUT THIS DINNER I BOUGHT LOL
literally 0 people care.
 I'm living halfway across the planet which is a lot more fucking interesting than your dinner at Outback Steakhouse. Know how many Facebook posts I've made about it?
FUCKING ZERO.

Dear F.E.: Many people don't bother looking into the more complicated aspects of using Facebook and other social media sites, but it's worth the extra effort to avoid unpleasantness down the road. Thanks for your expertise.

"Thank you for your expertise on this incredibly useless subject."
One day someone will thank me for my expertise on the Elder Scrolls plot or the background fluff to Warhammer.

Dear Annie: The reader from "Baton Rouge, La.," said she wishes she could bottle the innocence she enjoyed on TV back in the 1950s. Well, this innocence has been bottled, so to speak. 

Yeah those were simpler times when people were more innocent.
Remember that episode of Gunsmoke where Matt Dillon had to solve a rape and murder?
Or that episode of The Untouchables where Elliot Ness ended an opium ring by setting their warehouse on fire and mowing them all down with a Thompson submachine gun?
Simpler, innocent times.
Or the entirety of the show "The Westerner"?
Innocent times.
No, stupid, what you remember was when you personally didn't know as much. Times were never more or less innocent than they are now. It's just you were less aware of how shit life is.
See I'm in a unique position. I watched the TV my parents watched but unlike most people I genuinely enjoy the TV they watched so I get a rare perspective of being a modern person but I still know a lot about the TV of yore and I can tell you objectively it was no different than TV today.
Sure they might not have shown as much gore or sex but it was all implied.
If not showing it constitutes innocence then I'd call you a bit of a hypocrite because clearly the idea is there and we're just adhering to some sort of bizarre "don't ask, don't tell" policy that doesn't confront any of the underlying issues.
I think TV was better back then from a purely storytelling perspective. Most of the stories relied on the viewer actually thinking or knowing the first thing about anything.
But I would hardly call it a more innocent time.
The Twilight Zone's weird, schizophrenic paranoia about communism--
yeah TV was definitely more interesting back then.
You can view all shows from the 1950s and 60s as a moral play. The eternal tug of war between our own existential crisis of life in a post-WW2 society with its increasing technology and social obligations and the enemy from without that is communism and the average, middle class American white man in the middle.
Why yes I did write a thesis on this in college and this is my one chance to shoehorn it into something I did after college.
In fact it was published, thank you.

I loved the television shows of the '50s, and a lot of them are now available on DVD and on some of the cable TV stations. I regularly watch "Leave It to Beaver," "My Favorite Martian" and "Mr. Ed." Someday I want to buy "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet" and "The Patty Duke Show."
If she does not have access to cable TV stations that run old TV shows, she can easily pick up DVDs from local stores or online and give them to her grandchildren. — Schenectady, N.Y. 

Yeah I conveniently skirted that issue.
Much like any other time in history most of any media you can consume is shit.
I forget how I pulled that intellectual cartwheel in my paper. I seem to recall finding some kind of research that says most TV shows don't last more than a season and so therefore are just background noise in the greater point I'm trying to make, like a great song on a poorly tuned radio station.
I'm not sure why I'm making so many similes today.

Dear Annie. A young female member of my family has gotten fat, and I asked her the reason for the change. Now she won't speak to me. Everyone says I made a mistake, because no one should ever ask a woman why she is obese. I care about this young woman, and that is why I put the question to her. I don't want her to grow as big as another member of my family, that's all. — Concerned Old Man in West Hills 

Man I fucking love hearing fat Americans bitch about their persecution now.
Come live in my world for five minutes if you want to see real fat persecution.
You're the majority in America. No one cares if you're fat because everyone is fat.
Come to South Korea and hear how people talk about fat people here.
Also America has the benefit of that American independence. In Korea it's considered a moral obligation to do right by your society and if you're fat you're a burden.
So not only are you disgusting and lacking in self control you're possibly a bad person too.
Fat people in America, to me, are like Christians whining about persecution.
YOU ARE THE FUCKING MAJORITY. YOU CAN'T BE PERSECUTED.
I also discovered I still need to check my privilege in South Korea.
You know that was going to be a thing I could use when one of these snowflakes get uppity.
"Oh well I lived in a country where white people were a minority" but in fact most South Koreans consider Koreans and Americans white and that's kind of the end of it.
Koreans, Americans, English people, Australians (they don't really differentiate the rest of the English speaking world as a different country), most of Western Europe (not former Commie nations) and sometimes Chinese people are white.
This does create an interesting situation where black Americans are white.
Basically in South Korea the "enemy without" is SE Asians, Indians and sometimes Japanese people.
You can see how they treat people, too.
Like if I go to Daiso people are friendly.
I might be a foreigner but I'm a productive foreigner doing an important job.
Really, I work hard, I'm educated so I'm just like them.
But if you're Indian or Filipino?
You can see the change in behavior.

Dear Annie: I have two adult daughters, both married now. "Beth" lives nearby, but "Gina" moved across the country.
Beth was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar disorder when she was in her early 20s. I think she suffered from it during childhood, but was undiagnosed. When they were children, I spent a great deal of time trying to calm Beth down and was aware that Gina did not get the same degree of attention. I tried to make up for it by doing things with Gina outside of the house. I became her Brownie troop leader and went on her class field trips. I made it my business to see that we had calm times together. 

I'm trying to imagine how the issue of ADHD would go down here.
I think it's safe to say they wouldn't consider it a real issue.

Dear Annie: I would like to respond to "Different Gods," the Pagan who doesn't want to attend church with her boyfriend's family at Christmas. 

Lol snowflake syndrome ahoy
We all know the hateful followers of the corpse god are just worshiping Aten under a different name anyway so you might as well go and pay your dues to the Sun Disc in the weirdest, most debased and alien way possible.
That was a point I tried to make to a Korean friend last weekend.
Like hey do you think it's kind of a problem you've replaced a lot of your traditional views with ours and your traditional gods are now anime caricatures to sell Tae Kwon Do lessons to children?
He kind of agreed with me but the problem as I saw it was he hadn't thought of that before.
This was after there was an attempted conversion at a park.
I swear I've run into more religious people trying to convert me here than in America.
I guess in America they already assume you're a Christer but here there's a good chance you're some form of heathen.

 I have been a practicing pagan for 30 years. Though I am devoted to my religion, I am still able to celebrate with family and friends. Holidays are about the season, the sharing and the joy in being alive. "Different Gods" should embrace the holidays as a way to show her love for her boyfriend and his family. Maybe then he might be more interested in attending some pagan festivals.

No, she's a girl and doing it for attention instead of some genuine philosophical view she holds so I wouldn't worry too much about this.
Or maybe I'm a massive hypocrite because I learned in years past the school I work for was unaware how important Christmas was (usually) to Westerners so they didn't strictly get it off
now it's like a few days off and I was like YEAH MAN THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO US WESTERNERS
APPARENTLY
I NEVER MADE A BIG DEAL OF IT EXCEPT WHEN I WAS LITTLE BUT YOU KNOW A DAY OFF IS A DAY OFF

Dear Annie: I sent my children to a Christian school so they could get a quality education along with faith and good values. Sadly, it hasn't been the experience I was wishing for. This school has more bullying than a public school.  

>good values
>Christianity
choose one

Bullying is not just saying horrible things to each other or hitting. It also is being left out and not feeling welcome. Kids at this school who are not sports stars or whose families don't have money are outsiders. The saddest part is that it is not only the students. There are also parents who refuse to acknowledge the less well-off parents at school events.
Many children have transferred out of this school because of the bullying.
I was taught that you treat others how you want to be treated. Each child is an individual and should be respected as such. I am sure other parents have these same concerns, but no one speaks up. I ask that all parents set a good example for their children and pay attention to what they may or may not be doing. Is your child being a bully? Are you teaching them to judge others by what they look like or how much money they have? Is this your school? — Sad Parent in Nebraska Dear Nebraska: No school comes with a guarantee that the behavior of the parents and children will be exemplary. Bullying occurs everywhere. It is important that you teach your child how to deal with intimidating behavior from others and that school administrators and teachers are aware of the problem so they can address it.

Yeah
turn the other cheek.
Puss.
Look just because you're weak doesn't mean you need to instill that into your children.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are both in our 60s and have had a mutually loving and enjoyable sex life. We were intimate once or twice a week. Until now.
"Bill" recently was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and we have elected to do nothing aggressive. The doctor suggested "dutiful watching." Bill has some erectile dysfunction, and so he has all but eliminated sex from our bedroom. What used to be once a week is now less than once a month.
All I need is the cuddling we used to have and the touching and caressing. But I can barely get him to hold my hand. Sometimes, I wake up during the night and find that Bill is also awake. But he won't respond to my sweet caresses.
Bill refuses to talk about it. How do I assure him that I love him from the inside out? I don't care if we don't have sex. I just want the affection he used to show. — Sleepless in Seattle 

THE MAN HAS CANCER LET HIM FUCKING HAVE SOME SPACE
Bill, man, I say Lone Wolf it. Just go into the woods in a few months.

Dear Annie: Thanks for printing the letter from "Saddened." I am so relieved to know I am not the only husband with the same dilemma. It's hard for a male to confess he has these feelings and needs without sounding like a nag. I wish there was an answer.
Everything the writer said is the same at my home, including my deep love for my very uninterested wife of 44 years. I would show her this column, but it would only start tears. If she would just initiate holding hands or give me an occasional kiss, that would be so cool. I know she truly loves me, but she feels no need for physical intimacy. — O. 

"That would be so cool"?
You've been married for 44 years. Can you try not sounding like a 12 year old?
Also your uninterested wife?
More like uninteresting wife. Your own fault for marrying a boring cow with a heart of granite.
Emotionally needy man hooks up with withholding ice queen.
Sounds like a Lifetime special.

Dear Annie: I had to respond to "Not a Prude" and "Another Woman Speaking Out," who said they are disgusted with the appearance of females on national news programs wearing low-cut blouses and short dresses. All of my male friends and I have our own opinion on this subject.
There is nothing more attractive and sexy than a smart, knowledgeable professional female in today's business environment.
If that female happens to be good-looking with a nice figure and great legs, it is an asset she needs to use. I suspect most of us guys would not watch a news program if the women, regardless of their abilities, were fat and ugly or wore only long pants and suit jackets. That's just the way it is. — Bob in North Carolina 

>2014
>attractive women in the news
>watching the news
what is happening
Dude even Korea can't get hot women on the news.
This is a country of 7s and 8s.
Can't get one 8 on the news.
I walk by like 20 on my way to work in a given day.
I think it's safe to say news casting, collectively, needs to get its fucking act together.

Dear Bob: Well, we give you points for honesty, but your attitude is the very definition of sexist. Women in the media are role models for young girls and should look professional — just like the men. Preferring a newscast that presents women as sex symbols indicates a mindset that hasn't evolved since the 1950s. 

Oh yeah some vacuous slut just reading a teleprompter is a role model. If my daughter took that as a role model I'd fucking kill her.
I WOULD MURDER MY CHILD.

Women have spent decades trying to banish such old-fashioned thinking. 

Yeah the fucking hypocrites.
Don't look at my tits and ass even if they're on full display and I have writing on my ass but if Captain America goes shirtless that's just some good old fashioned fun.
Fuck off all of you.
Have you heard about this Anita Sar--Keesian something bitch?
She's whining about video games.
Really she's just stealing peoples' money but she's also bitching about video games--
because Tumblr feminists have identified this as more of a problem than rape in India or female illiteracy in the Middle East and Africa--
And her latest complaint is there aren't enough female protagonists in gaming.
By sheer coincidence, I'm sure, one of the things you could vote for on the Steam sale is "games with female protagonists" and that has been an option for like 3 days and it's always different games.
But anyway, like, if that's such a problem for you how about you make a video game with a female protagonist.
Most games you can make your own character anyway.
Make it a bitch if it's that much of a problem.
I usually do.
In fact when given the choice I always do.

Today's parents would not appreciate others judging their daughters' professional capabilities by whether they also are eye candy. 

I would be.
Because I know. People like pretty people.
I'd say oh good
at least she won't be checked by that.

The fact that some women are willing to debase themselves in order to be hired and admired by men like you does not make it appropriate or acceptable and only underscores the pressure many women still feel to conform to such outdated attitudes. 

Debase themselves?
Are you joking?
The news is a fucking joke anyway. It's entertainment.
No one wants to be entertained by an ugly bitch.
And if you are naive enough to think the news is serious or this isn't the case then you probably shouldn't be in a position to offer other people advice.
They're looking for worldly people who won't piss up their own nose and I'm noticing a dangerous pattern of that not happening with you, Annie.
Does it occur to anyone that you can turn a profit on some of these Steam sale games by buying them, letting them idle while you do something then selling the trading cards?
I just made 37 cents selling duplicate cards I have from "Long Live the Queen".
Long Live the Queen, incidentally, looks like a game for faggots or pedophiles but is in fact a simulation of what it would be like to be Machiavelli.
This company has a bad habit of doing that.
Oh this game?
Yeah looks like an anime game for 6 year old girls but is actually a cutthroat stock market simulator.
Thanks for that.
Now I get to explain to all my friends why I'm not actually gay.
Long Live the Queen?
Oh you have to raise an underage girl who has no parental guidance to be queen?
I'm sure that involves a lot of molestation you fucking ped
Yeah you'd think that until you're negotiating royal houses trying to kill her and war and civil war and peasant uprisings and plots to have her assassinated.
Suddenly it's like no time for molestation bitch you gotta take lessons in foreign policy immediately because that diplomat from the country stronger than ours is coming and I can't have you sassing off.
It is kinda bullshit though because sometimes you'll get skill checked in a category you didn't expect and the only way to prevent that is to have that happen and then know it's coming so you can avoid it.
The one especially egregious example that stands out to my mind is a box of poisoned chocolates halfway through the game where, if you don't have her trained in production or trade, poison, dogs or divination she'll just pop one in her mouth and keel over.
The ridiculous thing is teaching her about dogs is useless as far as I know because that's the only time it comes up.
I've never trained her high enough in poison to stop her from dying so your options are divination or production + trade and there are other production + trade checks so I hope you trained that early on or you're kinda fucked now.
Like how am I supposed to guess she was going to get a box of poison chocolates and without the trade skill she'll just eat them?
If there was a prompt I could have told her not to eat it because I'm paranoid enough an hour into this game to just assume they're poison.
Yeah good game otherwise.
If they made a sequel I'd suggest maybe less bullshit random skill checks and maybe have you raise the loli for more than a year.
It's less satisfying getting her from year 14-15 and then just have her become queen.
It'd be way better to take her at like 7 and then end at 15 so that way I can fully appreciate the Machiavellian nightmare I've created.
Anyway what was I talking about?
Oh I inadvertently discovered the greatest way to make toast recently.
Bread here is longer than toasters so I end up putting it on a low setting and putting it both ends in for twice as long
goddamn that's good toast.
Crispy and toasty with no burn.
And people speculated I'd have been starved by now.
Fuck anyway I gotta go.
Want to play vidya before work.

OH BOY

So I've been living in South Korea for a month and I haven't gotten my regular dose of insane white girls because of it.
Instead I get my daily of Korean insanity.
I dunno girls here seem saner over all. They just carry their intensely homsexual dogs in slings like the dogs are little babies.
At least this doesn't come from them.
How do I know this?
When was the last blog you saw in Korean?
Defense rests.

STICKY POST: About Me, Policies, Other Stuff

You know you're in for quality reading when your blog has a post about policy making and isn't related to what the fuck it is your government is doing.

I'm M, or Marwen, but I'll probably remember to answer to "M" more often. You'll see other names pop up places from people, but these are the tags I'd rather people use.

You'll probably remember to answer to M?
If I'm posting on your blog (har har not gonna happen) I'm probably addressing you, dipshit.

I'm mid-twenties, Canadian, queer, single, cis-female, Gifted, ASD, and possess the pure joy that is MDD (major depressive disorder) for which I am in treatment, and a fun case of PTSD.

You know what gets me about these people? They'll bitch about you labeling them but then their entire life is spent endlessly affixing labels to themselves. It's part of the special snowflake disorder. You can't just be a fucking person. You have to be special and unique and you can do that by saying you're Canadian.

I'm also a polytheistic pagan of a private bent, which is to say I am religious, I don't talk about it in specifics very often, and you wouldn't recognize my gods if you met them. 

... Have I reviewed this blog before?
Or is it another one of these?

Which is, I think, all of the necessary warning labels: if you've a particular objection to any of the above, you might want to toddle away. 

I object to you being Canadian.

I'm a writer, and have a BA with a double-major in English and History. I write original stuff, but I keep that kind of locked up on an outside chance of publication. I do a lot of secondary world fiction, which means a lot of worldbuilding, especially since being a history major with an interest in anthropology/etc makes one very picky about such things. I have, at this count, more than half-a-dozen completely secondary worlds, along with a couple of urban fantasy worlds; it's crowded in my brain. 

Sounds like a bunch of shit.

Additionally, I work with tarot, and I do a monthly three-card draw, and am also available to do readings with one of my three decks (7$CAD) or from all three interacting (16$CAD) month-round.

Do you know what 7 Canadian dollars would buy you in South Korea?
It's like 1950s pricing here. That's a ludicrous amount of money to piss away.
You could buy like a week's groceries, a taxi ride to get it back to your apartment and still have enough money left over to go to the movies and buy a popcorn after.
Speaking of, here's my first picture from Korea.
A great picture of the cityscape or something?
No fuck that look at how faggoty this dog is.

- I have a general blanket "dark and ugly content" warning. That means that dark and ugly shit is under the cut, and that it's designed to be disturbing, caveat lector; I'll use this warning when a) being more specific would wreck the story and/or b) when I'm really not sure how to warn for what's there, but am pretty damn sure it's going to be distressing

- I'll generally warn for non-con, under-sexual-maturity*, graphic harm done to the human body
Bitch I read Warhammer books I think whatever you can cook up as "dark and ugly" pales into insignificance. 
Also in my down time that isn't the weekend I've gotten back into Skyrim and I've modded the game to be an apocalyptic nightmare of difficulty and maddening survivalism.

However you are at all times welcome to email me and ask whether your trigger is in a fic. I don't care if it's clowns, rape, daffodils or haircuts, you don't have to explain all about why, all you have to do is send me an email or a PM saying "does X fic contain Y?" and I will say "yes, it contains Y" or "no, it does not contain Y" or, in rare cases " . . . possibly. Does [explains situation as delicately as possible] count as Y? If so, yes, if not, no." 

You know this whole trigger warning thing stemmed from some kinda psycho
ylogy convention that was being attended by victims and they decided it would probably be polite to warn the rape victims that what they're talking about might trigger some kind of flashback. This isn't supposed to be you attempting to monopolize my ability to speak with your incredibly sensitive feelings.
Does anyone remember that blog where there was a trigger warning for a picture of a gun but the picture was so huge there was almost no conceivable way to have the trigger on screen without at least part of the gun on screen too?
To me that summarizes this shit perfectly. Like that's all you have to know.
Also of course in her attempt to placate all of her childish women reading her blog (all none of them) all entries are hidden beneath cuts so it makes actually predicting what's "offensive" and what's banal nonsense impossible.
You might as well not have any cuts at all since it's all just hidden beneath the same bullshit.
You want a trigger warning?
Here's my trigger warning:
grow the fuck up.

- it maintains no real traceable connection to him as an actual person, but Bucky's tumblr-persona gains a reputation as "this guy who mostly reblogs art, history, some news and random photographs, and every so often goes into a truly epic rant".

Yeah this is the character from Captain America branded the "Winter Soldier" who fought Hitler and then was kidnapped by super Nazis, had his arm turned into a robot and was brainwashed to fight against Captain America.
I don't think this guy would have a tumblr.
This is literally the dumbest shit I've ever seen. These aren't complicated characters.
Captain America is free as fuck. That's the entire character.

Maybe more later. I should do some housework.

Yeah maybe stick to that.

Also oh wow do I have a bad knee-jerk reaction right now to the implication that complex trauma shit is a "stage" that can be "moved past" and does that ever mean that I need to stop trawling my network and cut down on the tumblrs I elect to read. 

Look I know being Canadian is impossible to move past but you can get over trauma. You don't have to spend your entire life as a victim.
I know feminism tells you otherwise and simply by being born with a twat you're a victim and oppressed and raped daily but that's not actually true.

4. Two people (one anonymous, the other knows who zie is) were sweet enough to send me DW points! So now I have all my icons back for six months or so. Wheee. *spins* OH I CAN UPLOAD MORE NOW. 

Who zie is get the fuck out.
Christ all mighty.

2. The baby is almost walking. I want her to walk so bad. She's already as fast crawling as she could be walking and right now she's a serious impediment: she HATES being in her stroller or carseat if we're still at all, but she's only crawling which means I can't just let her out and slowly pace behind her because she will eat EVERYTHING. 

You have a kid?
Why is that allowed?
Here's a post entitled "I normally love Sephora" which man.
If only she also said "I also love the iPhone and pumpkin spice lattes and Victoria's Secret clothing" that would round out the white girl stereotype.
Oh and uggs.
and yoga pants. Not that I'm complaining about yoga pants.
I am disappointed to report the yoga pant fad hasn't quite caught on here.
Those tiny shorts that are kinda split up the side have so I'm fine.
Maybe it has. It's been too ass humid to wear any of that shit anyway.

if people came with warning labels, what would mine be?

Remember that fake label that used to come on Cheetos?
DANGEROUSLY CHEESEY!
That'd be yours.
DANGEROUSLY CUNTY!

1. I was going to write tonight but then I managed to have a bunch of little triggers all heap together into a larger one and had to deal with feeling like a bear was trying to eat me alive for a couple hours instead.

I need a trigger warning in Skyrim now for "sabercat has been stalking you for a mile and a half and is about to maul you and startle the fuck out of you"
This isn't like vanilla Skyrim, either. A two ton sabertooth tiger mauls you and it's not like oh you take 5% damage.
That's it, man. Reload from previous save.

1. Current adventures in goalpost moving attempts by my brain: "it doesn't count if [popular person] or [other popular person] or even [person I just see a lot on my network] hasn't read it/liked it/recced it, because clearly then it's not as good as the other stuff they have." *throws up hands* REALLY BRAIN, THAT IS JUST FUCKING RIDICULOUS. WE ARE WAY TOO PUNK ROCK FOR THIS SHIT AND WE'RE NOT EVEN THAT PUNK ROCK.


2. In the car after work I realized that the brain-resonance to "Abraham's Daughter" by Arcade Fire is actually for Herself, which makes everything including the iconography make a fuck of a lot more sense. Because one of her themes/domains is sacrifice, but she's intensely hardline: sacrifices cannot be demanded, or taken, or owed, or even asked for. They are given fully freely or they're just theft/murder/whatever. Which: if you trace her storylines, it's an element, greater or lesser, in all of them.

You'd better let young Isaac go. 

These are words arranged in an order resembling the English language but much like the papers I grade daily I imagine they were either translated from a foreign language using Google Translate or possibly just a complex algorithm that outputs words in a pattern resembling what a real person might say.
Like I try to tell them don't use Google Translate.
I even give the Google Translate demonstration.
Here's a news story in English
Here's what it looks like in Korean
no human
not even a complete new speaker
will say shit like this
so I can tell instantly so don't do that
THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK
CALL THE COPS

4. Ugh there is World Cup stuff everywhere. One only barely escapes hockey to be hammered by the World Cup. 

Yeah that's been fun ducking around here.
British people and Korean people pissed at me simply because my country 1. doesn't give a fuck about soccer and 2. is obliterating all the world's nations at it.
FUCK YOU, WORLD. AMERICA KICKS ASS.
In fact, world, you're welcome America doesn't care about soccer. If it did they might as well rename the World Cup to the America Cup because that's apparently who would take it every year.
Apparently England is sucking hard and Korea is doing better than anticipated but still pretty shit.

1. Guys, I love Natasha as much as anyone, but: that moment she fakes out the Winter Soldier with the phone and then jumps him? No. No she's not even remotely an actual threat. The thing that impressed me and is scariest about that moment is how unfussed and comparatively leisurely his movement to block her garrotte is and how easily he throws her off. (And that he's by no means convinced it IS her on the other side of that car: note that he rolls a grenade over, as compared to later when he knows EXACTLY where she's hiding and just goes for the shot.) Natasha is incredibly impressive in that scene, don't get me wrong: she is fighting with the equivalent of a knife at a gun-fight, and she's amazing (the actual REALLY amazing and actually-posed-a-threat moment is when she fires based on his shadow and nicks his glasses) and still completely, terrifyingly outclassed.

Seriously, he's like "ah, a garrotte", blocks it, and then tosses her like a doll into a car. Then shoots her through the shoulder while running with a relatively inaccurate firearm. Until the moment Steve breaks out the Psychologically Compromising Recognition, both he and Nat were totally gonna die. 

That movie was pretty sweet but can we please stop talking about it?
Also of course he shrugs her off like a bad cold. She's a 110 pound woman and he's like a 180 pound man WITH A ROBOT ARM.

My sister said this morning, "What's a Deadpool?"

The last Dirty Harry movie.
Or a comic book character retards will not shut the fuck up about.

I have a migraine, the kids are whiny,

PAY ATTENTION TO THEM YOU SELFISH CUNT.
FUCK.
I'm going to eat lunch.

Hiatus

I'm moving to South Korea in...
Like 5 hours.
Well, I'll be on the way to doing that in 5 hours. Of course it takes approximately 27 years to get there.
In the meantime I'll be on hiatus for 2 of your American weeks.
That should give me just enough time to overcome the horror of what I've just wrought.
Or overcome how fucking awesome the decision I just made is.
Or overcome how kinda whatever the decision I made is.
Anyway stay listening.

That's a penis

Here's some jackoff with a blog I dunno

I’ve been looking at the high-powered blue-beam lasers for a few years now, that are capable of starting fires from a distance. I actually had several ideas of what that could be good for (no, not arson) around my own area. This is just entirely my own ideas, maybe someone with more experience with high powered lasers can tell me if I’m just being more paranoid than usual.

Use it to castrate yourself you fucking wad.

I’m thinking that I’m going to have to put that entire idea on hold for safety. I know that may come as a surprise to most who know me, as just yesterday I was messing with an antique rifle that’s bigger than some people are tall (the shaving cream can being used as a test dummy sort of exploded with just a glancing blow. Oops.) but in this case I think my usual paranoia’s actually moved beyond my normal ‘twenty foot thick backstop’ solution and into the actual realm of actually NOT doing something. This is new.

Why do all these guys with blogs sound the fucking same? They're always pseudo-intellectual and talk like they're some kind of misunderstood genius but really they're just fucking weird and furries.
And losers.
Is it a rule of the internet that if you have a blog you have to be fucking boring?

Well, here we are a full two weeks after my appendix burst, and so far so good. My last side-tube is out, the infection seems to be gone, and I will have to do some follow ups to look into surgery some time in November to remove the last bits of appendix, but it seems to have worked out well. I did not die, which sounds pathetic but is a real accomplishment.

Too bad.

I passed my dissertation defense today. This means I am entirely done except for the paperwork, which has to be in on time. That’s the one area I’m still worried about.

The job situation is also good news as I’ve picked one up at the community college back home! While not the highest paying, it’s where my house is so no rent to worry about and I’ll be able to start putting it back together as I’ve largely been stopping in for a day or so every few months to drop stuff off. Not the best way to keep anything.

Woooooow who cares

A while back I had a problem with one of my diamond cutting blades. I’d used it for a while on everything from sheetmetal to ceramic without issue, and one day cutting through a very thick iron pipe I noticed it wasn’t cutting well at all anymore. The edges appeared to be polished smooth, which was very odd as it was, as I said, a diamond blade. Usually wear exposes more cutting edges. A smooth edge was rather strange.

I just found out yesterday that diamonds are often NOT used for high speed machining of steels due to diamond, and carbon in general, being soluble in iron at very high temperatures, such as what you get when you’re moving a blade at about 45,000 rpm and the metal you’re cutting is white-hot as a result…

I didn’t know this and now I feel stupid. I’ve been told that I can fix my blade if I cut through some hard substances to wear the smoothed part off and get back to some unfuzed diamonds. I don’t know if that will work yet or not.

Luckily, industrial diamonds, like I prefer in my cutters, are in a totally different category than jewelry-grade diamonds in that they are very CHEAP. Most are synthetic and the rest are cast-off from mining processes. It’s true that my sharpening stones, which are also made of diamond suspended in a metal bonding, do sparkle if you stick them in sunlight but it’s a ‘grey’ sparkle that no one would be impressed by.

Even so, I did wonder what it says that I think my favorite ‘gemstone’ is industrial diamond (just by virtue of how many I own compared to any other kind of stone) and the general consensus is that it means I’m cheap.

So much for those birthstone charts and zodiac things…

I just forgot to breathe for like three straight minutes.
Did I die?

 Apologies to anyone who’s life I destroyed by not writing ‘spoiler’ in before I talked about Adventure Time. I didn’t think that anyone would be as far behind as me in seeing it. So, SPOILER:

I was giving some thought to the Ice King, and I realized something. I think he is the only cartoon ‘villain’ I know of who got his evil powers through perfectly legitimate methods. Even in cases where the bad guy is supposed to have had great wealth or something they always seem to imply that something shady occurred to get it.

Him from the Power Puff girls got his power by virtue of being the devil.
A transsexual devil.
What a bizarre show.

And another thing…

So I was thinking earlier (soul-cutting scream here) but then I realized (head banging on desk) except I needed to take into account (knock over desk yelling) yet, when you get down to it, it’s really just a case of (throw chair through the window and dive out head first, wailing).

You know what I mean…?

Dude just stop.

I don’t have a game console of any kind but I did see someone playing the game recently and saw the full scenes on Youtube. In Arkham city (and most other media) Ra's al Ghul wants Batman to kill him, marry his daughter, and take over some organization of assassins. In almost every version Batman does defeat him in combat, passes the trials, and then…just walks off, not killing the guy, and making a lifelong (or longer if Ra's al Ghul’s claim of being 600 years old is correct) enemy.

Great game. Mr. Freeze is a genuinely tense and creepy boss fight.
The creepiness comes from your conditioning as a video game player. As a game player you're probably used to bosses following a pattern and you exploit it until you win.
So imagine my surprise when I engage this instinct only to have Mr. Freeze toss Batman off his back and say "I learn from my mistakes, Batman."

While I admit I’m not as ‘morally perfect’ as Batman (having to deal with actual reality as opposed to scripted fiction will do that to you) I agree with the idea of not killing a man for no reason, but not Batman’s result. Why (and this might make a great comic) not STILL avoid killing him, but take over the assassins while making al Ghul his TEACHER? If this man is indeed centuries old, he would be an amazing repository of information and skills.

You know it was like game of the year according to many sources. I don't think they need your help telling the story, buddy. I ended up doing something else for like 2 hours.
This is that fucking boring.
Jesus.
Song of the now.

Dear Annie

Dear Annie has comments now.
Let's do this.

Dear Annie: When my birthday was coming up, I told my wife about a piece of technology I really wanted and asked her to buy it for me. It cost $300. She said it was too expensive and didn't get me anything except a card. 

Buy yourself the thing.

Come on bro.

In the past three weeks, she has purchased three birthday gifts for friends, each costing roughly $100. She put in a ton of effort to find exactly the right gift.
Am I justified in feeling hurt by this snub? Should I talk to her about it, or am I being petty?

Kill her and consume her brain so that you may gain her power.

I am a 62-year-old great-grandmother. Ten years ago, I committed a nonviolent felony. I served weekends in jail for a year, paid restitution, made every visit to my probation officer and complied with all of the other terms of my conviction and release.
I am honest with any potential employer about my past, my rehabilitation and my goal to never do a criminal act again. I have been a model citizen since this happened. I know I have to do better in my life than everyone else to make up for what I did. But I cannot get a job.
Society seems to view anyone who commits a crime as the scum of the Earth and not worth employing (unless you are a celebrity or have lots of money). Because I can't get a job, I cannot buy a car or find an apartment or even buy my grandchildren a candy bar. What is the point of "paying your debt to society" if "society" never forgives you? The death sentence would have made more sense than the five years' probation I received. No, I am not depressed, only stating what is true.

Top lel.
Shouldn't have committed the crime, then.
Like what are you doing committing nonviolent felonies at 52?

Dear Annie: My brother-in-law, "Tom," lives with us because he is not able to hold a job. Fifteen years ago, he moved to the Midwest with his wife and children. He was there for a year, and then his wife divorced him. We paid for his ticket home, and he lived with us for three months. He then moved to California to live with a cousin, but they threw him out when he couldn't hold onto a job and pay rent. He became homeless.
Tom moved back into his mother's house and found work, but only for a brief time before he was fired. Any money he had saved, he spent in bars and on women. When Mom went into a nursing home, Tom couldn't pay the upkeep on the house, so he rented it out and ended up homeless again. So we took him in.
We helped Tom get food stamps and a part-time job. He sees a counselor once a month. Our only rule is that he has to be in by 9 p.m., because I work early, and when he comes home late, it wakes me up. But Tom has a hard time following this.
Tom continues to make poor choices, and I am afraid he will end up living with us permanently. Why is he this way? And what can I do to help? — Miserable Sister-in-Law 

Throw the cunt out.
Annie needs to step it up. These are fucking gimmes.
None of these problems have required more than a sentences to correct.

Dear Annie: As a registered nurse and a patient who has had many dental procedures, I cringe every time I get into a dentist's chair. The reason is the overhead light — the one that the hygienist or dentist can adjust and lower. The hygienists and dentists wear gloves, but the gloves protect them, not the patient. They put their gloved hands in patients' mouths and then reach up and adjust the light as needed, time after time. Their gloved hands transfer bacteria from a patient's saliva (and sometimes blood) to the light fixture. Then the next patient gets in the chair, and the procedure is repeated.
I don't see how they can avoid transferring harmful bacteria and viruses from one patient to another unless they clean the light fixture off between every patient. I hope I'm wrong, but I have never seen or heard of this being done.
I learned sterile procedure in nursing school. If they teach sterile procedure to hygienists and dentists, they don't seem to be using it in my dentist's office. — Nervous Patient 

What the fuck 3rd world country are you going to to have your teeth worked on? At my dentist there's a cover over the light that gets changed between patients.

Dear Annie: I'm a 59-year-old non-working female who has been married for 20 years. I thought my husband was a wonderful man, but 10 years ago, he removed my name from our joint bank accounts. I worked for 30 years. I now find myself with no money and no job. I have to depend on my husband for everything. He doesn't give me money unless I beg for it.
Is there anything I can do legally to persuade him to give me an allowance? He says he pays all of our bills, so I don't need any money. Our three children agree with him. For health reasons, I cannot return to work. What can I do? — Confused

Well I mean women shouldn't be in charge of the finances so what's the problem?
Only joking.
Mostly.
But seriously your kids agree with him so that tells me you're not telling the entire story.
What is it?
Pills?
Uppers?
Downers?
The drink?
Hashish?
Soma?

Dear Confused: Because your husband and your children all believe you should not handle money, we have to ask whether there is a reason. Do you gamble? Do you overspend? Even so, you still should be allotted a small amount of money for personal use. 

Even Annie is calling your shit.

Dear Annie: I am very close to my 12-year-old grandson. His family life is not good, and since his parents live nearby, the boy is at my house more often than not.
The problem is, he started sleeping with me when he was a baby and still does it. I have addressed this issue several times and told him he's too old to crawl into bed with Grammie. But he cries and pleads with me, saying how much he loves me, and that he wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise. I always give in, because deep down, I'm happy to have him with me.
My husband sleeps in another room due to health issues. He definitely thinks the boy should be sleeping in his own room, and we've had several arguments over this issue. This is such a stress on me every night. Please give me some advice. — Grammie 

Dude.
Just tell his friends. They'll call him a faggot until he stops.

Dear Annie: Did you know that an estimated 16 million youth participate in volunteer activities in the U.S. every year, and that by volunteering these young people will perform better in school? These amazing kids do everything from collecting gently used books and developing literacy programs to creating anti-bullying campaigns in school districts. All of these remarkable youth have a common goal: to raise awareness and solve the problems facing the world today.
To celebrate their ingenuity, idealism and passion, please remind your readers that Global Youth Service Day (GYSD) will take place April 11-13, 2014. Last year, young people around the world came together and participated in nearly 3,500 projects. Additionally, thousands of community partners in more than 135 countries brought together millions of young people to strengthen their communities through the power of youth volunteering.
For more information, your readers can visit www.GYSD.org. — Sincerely, Steven A. Culbertson, President and CEO, Youth Service America 

CEO and president of this company probably isn't donating his time.
All that free child labor and we have to act like you're some great saint.
Also most of the kids I see doing service learning hours are just ticking off boxes to graduate and get into college.

Dear Annie: Cremation seems to be getting more popular, but advisory notices from the cremation societies all say that there is at present no way of extracting DNA from cremains.
I feel the funeral homes should be obligated to preserve a DNA sample, even if it is a lock of hair. Some years ago, a woman named Anna Anderson claimed, probably sincerely, that she was Grand Duchess Anastasia from the Czarist Romanov family. A DNA sample proved otherwise. She had been cremated, and no one ever would have known the truth, but fortunately, a body part from an earlier operation had been preserved.
I realize that was an unusual case, but it did solve a mystery, and there may be others waiting to be solved. Perhaps people could make a provision in their will that a DNA sample be preserved. — P.J. 

Well if a crazy wants to claim outlandish things then maybe that's her business.
Is that seriously your argument for this non-issue?
This isn't even in response to an earlier letter. This is apropos of fucking nothing.
Like what, you're just sitting around your grotto thinking about how DNA should be preserved in case of cremation? Even at my most hopelessly unemployed point I had better shit to worry about.

I am a 13-year-old girl whose best friend (I'll call her "Blue") has become very rude and even annoying. I can no longer make a comment about something without her answering nastily or adding logic to imaginary scenarios that aren't intended to be logical. It's irritating.

The problem is she's a 13 year old girl.

We have another friend, "Violet," who is very creative and loves to draw. So do I. But when I showed Blue a picture I had done, she said, "Violet is way better than you are." This hurt my feelings, and I was angry. When I consulted Violet, she said Blue had been rude and annoying to her, too.
We don't want to offend Blue or lose her as a friend, but frankly, we can't handle her anymore. What should we do? — Red in Nevada

Sodomize her with a pipe.
Or call her a cunt.
Or stop talking to her.
The good news is at 13 you don't even have to act human and it's like what's expected of you.

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been happily married for eight years. This is a third marriage for both of us.
A few months back, my wife found that I had been visiting Internet porn sites. She became very upset and said this was the same as having sex outside of marriage.
This is something I'm not proud of and resolved not to do it again. Well, a few days back, in a moment of weakness, I typed in "nude beach." She says this is the same as a porn site. I feel it isn't, because it is a public beach.
Seeing how much pain I caused my wife, I won't go to that site again. However, I would like your opinion. Is this the same as adultery? — No Cheater

Clearly she's not letting you give her the tip enough and therefore porn is a reasonable substitute.
I don't understand this problem. You're both on your third fucking marriage. What does she expect at this point?
Clearly she either can't pick better or shouldn't expect better.
If all a guy is doing is looking up internet porno-- which is free-- to piss you off, then I'd say you should count your blessings.

Dear No Cheater: Deliberately searching out "nude beach" is a way to look for naked bodies without using the word "porn," but the effect is similar. And while looking at naked bodies is not the same as adultery, it is still a betrayal if it hurts your wife and you have broken your promise to stop. And if you are interacting in real time with real women online, we would consider that a form of cheating. You seem to have a problem with pornography. If you cannot stay away from it, consider that you may have an addiction that requires treatment.

Or you could jerk off to your thoughts.
No way she'd expect that.
I dunno, Annie. Pretty weak selection this time.
Where are the real problems?
Not some whining 13 year old and some dude jerking off to redtube.
HELP A BROTHER OUT, ANNIE
FUCK
Song of the now. Someone at a school I was substituting at reminded me this existed.

Based Korea

North Korea is best Korea.

i sleep in the most distorted positions and wake up to confused stares too fucking often. last night i fell asleep on my stomach with my right leg completely tucked under my body and my left leg normally and somehow didn't wake up a paraplegic. 

Do a lot of people watch you sleep or something?
How do you wake up to confused stares (plural)?
OOOR ARE YOU SOME KINDA FUCKING WHOOOORE

i regret plenty of things, i'm grateful that none of them involve other people. jesus christ, the last thing i need on my conscience is to owe anyone anything, especially something as essentially meaningless as an apology. i have already apologized to everyone for everything. sometimes rebounds happen before the relationship is over, i should know this better than anyone. (those two statements are not related.) i'm actually not in love with myself, despite what everyone else thinks. 

So you just act like a cunt, you're not actually a cunt?
That's some Zen logic I guess.
Zen logic in reverse. Jesus Christ.

i miss you, but not like everyone else misses you. - yana (this is the most echoed sentiment in my ears lately.)

my new favorite color is green, my new favorite season is spring. a long time ago it was red and fall. i'm okay with things coming back to life.

i wonder how many car accidents there were today.

Would you believe these disconnected sentences about nothing are in fact the same post and I haven't edited anything?
Also how many car accidents were there today?
One fewer than there needed to be if you're still alive.

the fact that i've seen what staph looks like under a microscope and still have it in me to stick my hand in my mouth, all my face holes inches away from where several other people's asses live, finger fuck the flap of skin at the back of my throat until i have nothing left in my stomach either says so much about one thing or so little about another.

ANOREXIA/BULIMIA BLOG ALERT!
I didn't know otherwise I would have not read this.
Fuck it I'm going in!

there's something sick and sad about someone who has spent the majority of your time together taking you for granted saying to you one day 'you deserve better'

ha ha ha
ha

no, really. i appreciate the sentiment but coming from someone with such little regard for my feelings it means almost nothing.

there's something fucked up about the man who cheated on me asking me why i'm angry and then when my answer is 'because you made poor choices' he feels "bashed". he keeps telling me it's the way you're saying it. and admittedly i have been trying to tiptoe around his feelings, cry more quietly, feel more softly. because i love him and always will despite this. i may not be in love with him anymore but i will always love him.

but then today i thought. holy shit, you cheated on me! why is how my pain makes you feel the most urgent issue here?

piece of shit, all of them

"I make shitty life decisions and date assholes"
"all men are therefore assholes"
White wahms

when he first broke the news i sat in bed, rocking myself back and forth crying and involuntarily repeating the words oh man. in the days following, i broke down in tears over a peanut butter sandwich, in the bathroom taking a piss, staring at myself in the mirror, numerous times in bed and in showers, driving to and from work, tying my shoes, grocery shopping, walking to my car from my car.

"Walking to my car from my car"
Errr--

i didn't immediately leave and then i did and he said, 'i will fix this, i will fix it, i will be the best man that i can to you for the rest of your life because you deserve it', and i thought about it, and about why it hit so hard. then i remembered a similar jarring realization i'd had about 5 years ago regarding my parents, and the fact that even though i had spent so many years looking to them for truth and guidance and love, they are not infallible mutants. they're human with human wants and selfish needs, he too is human. i put all of my faith in his perfection that did not exist.

so i says to him, i says: i love you so much and i forgive you. neither one of those things means i am coming back.

UHHHHHHHH

i danced today and rediscovered some of my favorite music. i shaved my legs for the first time this year last night, climbed into clean sheets, pulled the curtains open, listened to the cars drive on wet pavement and watched the sky turn from grey to black to pink. i woke up this morning still feeling good. i masturbated and did not cry. 

>Shaved my legs for the first time this year
>post made: March 28
I'm not excusing his shitty behavior but I think I see why he's cheating.
Make
an
effort

merry christmas. i fucking hate myself.

I hate you too.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FUTURE.

6AM narcissism and mania is the best tasting thing in the world next to the blood in my mouth from chewing my face. after being the best daughter ever and eating all the mashed potatoes in the world, the whole thing, I came back to my apartment so I could be naked everywhere. i lie on the couch naked, eat my fingernails naked, fold the laundry naked, watch the Dow plummet naked. I wish it was December so I could sit on my boyfriend's face and contemplate things like genetic algorithms while concentrating on his muffled sighs and imagining the way I'll sign my name after we're married.

Lol so deep and poetic
Protip: he's cheating on you.

Also the fact you "wished it was December" so he'd dig out your blood-streaked spam sandwich with his tongue tells me it's a long distance relationship and as we all know those are doomed to failure.
my internal thoughts never leave the confines of my interior mind or any part of me, and the only parts of me that exist outside of myself are content, lost in the woods and staring at stars. i am concerned with little else. i'm proud of myself, everyone else is too.

I'm not proud of you in the slightest.
In fact, after getting up at 11, gawking at my Korean visa for a while, then playing video games all day this is probably the single most disappointing aspect of my day. Knowing you have to exist..

three years ago i wasn't eating or talking and my free will to make grown up adult decisions was being threatened by my dad trying to become my legal guardian. as if his authority over my right to do things, had anything at all to do with my mental state or the condition of my psyche.

CLEARLY YOU SHOULDN'T BE MAKING YOUR OWN DECISIONS.
This blog is rapidly updating itself as I read it.
These entries are from 2012 and there are now about 7 more since I started from later dates.
I guess she's porting over from Livejournal or something.
Because, you know, one copy of this brilliance isn't enough. I need it in at least 5 locations.

the 60 degree weather at night has me excited for fall. i bought my huge water bottle two months too late. i'm turning 26 in nine days. i feel completely detached from almost everyone. i'm not sure how i feel about ghosts. sometimes the removal of a part is beneficial to the whole.

Oh huh I'm 26 and I'm going on a great adventure in a month. What's it like knowing your life is a dismal failure?

i've been contemplating suicide lately. in a completely non-dramatic let me just weigh all of the options kind of a way. this october is the worst one in four years. after the ssri's, ambien and benzos i mostly forgot about 2008's october so i can't fairly compare 2012 and 2008. i'm lucid this time around but only until i schedule a doctor's appointment. i don't feel shame in self-sedating when it means that i'll get to emerge in the spring, alive and breathing and at least live long enough to see if this ever gets easier.

that being said, if any of you click the comment link to tell me that yes, things get easier, or to "hang in there" i will delete you. i'm not kidding. obligatory sentiments however well intended only make these instances worse, for the record.

I can't believe anyone cares enough to even comment.
You're a fucking mess and not a fun one either.
You know evolution is just the creature most adapted to its environment. Increasingly, humanity is turning inwards so as humans become more and more connected and social the reality of needing to be socially graceful will be met and therefore I contend drains on the spirit like this need to be selected out of the gene pool.
There's an interesting idea for a story, in fact.
Also this is probably the fastest I've ever reviewed a blog. This is being generated as I review it.
UPDATES MIGHT BE SLOW NOW BUT NOTHING ESCAPES MY SIGHT.

today is the first day this week that my pupils have been dilated past the size of the point of a number two pencil. i'm not as concerned as i should be about all these lateral moves to nowhere or if i'm fulfilling a goal or becoming better or worse every day. the transitioning from warmer months into the colder ones always takes a toll on me. and for some reason i always emerge in the spring less than i was in september.

Hey
I got something to say
it's better to buuuuurn out
than fade away

i know too many people who have too much to say about fucking nothing.

Yeah and I'm reading one of their blogs right now.

i'm listening to john denver, opening windows, cleaning, simplifying my simplicity. i'm making yana write a book with me. i want to buy a telescope and travel to jordan. my favorite sound this week is the phlegm loosening from my chest. i'm writing my brother's senior thesis because i'm bored.


i enjoy spending time with myself more than i used to.

"Oh but," I'm sure she'd argue, "this is just a little bit about nothing."
Yeah well that's a moot argument. When there's something at all about nothing you've wasted my fucking time.
Fuck you.
70% of my time is spent studying in my underwear and drinking alcohol with getting drunk not being the ultimate goal. the other 30 is equally split between thinking about irrelevant bullshit and what i'm going to be for halloween. i feel incredibly mature though. i'm turning 24 in 2 weeks and hitting the 2 year mark with carson, and paying 15k to sit in a class and stare at power points in my designer prescription glasses while i think about fucking my boyfriend. sometimes i think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm having difficulty imagining anyone would put it in her.
Like that is seriously
genuinely flooring me right now.

my life amounts to nothing outside of masturbating, assorted pills, tvland, and shopbop.com. i'm such a selfish piece of shit. i came three times tonight and bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. i fucking love the taste of blood.

Well that's a thing someone wrote and I read.

if you attract people like me, something is wrong with you.

Fortunately I'm sure you'd hate me so I think I'm ok.
Apparently this blog has existed since 2010.
How is it she's posted 123 times today from different dates?
Maybe she's just now making these public.
Well whatever.
No new posts and I'm officially out like shout because fuck this.
Song of the now.

ALLERGIES

My allergies are so fucking bad because of this stupid fucking weather--
Here's this cunt running her fucking face.
tumblr, fanfiction, anime--
How many minutes until the hamfisted attempt at religious or gender commentary?

Reading fic because that is what I always do, and I ship all a lot of the things in Kuroko no Basuke. There's also been a bunch of new Jean/Marco SnK fic since the last time I checked my bookmark. Fun times.

Remember that Diablo roleplay from last time?
Wasn't that awful?

Eating some Oreo Sludge, which is how I refer to dropping a stack of chocolate sandwich cookies into a small cup/mug and filling it with milk, then eating the mess with a spoon. It looks disgusting but tastes delicious.

Not as awful as this. Jesus. Why would you post that?
* ARROW. As with most weeks, I am full of feels about the many and varied amazing ladies on this show.
ALL MY FEELS
I CAN'T EVEN
Fuck tumblr.

Happy Valentine's Day, my dears. My love for you all is over 9000.

Oh God just throw that lame meme in there, please.

The highlight of my day today was when I saw a girl at work wearing a Scouting Legion jacket from Shingeki no Kyojin. Inside, I squeed like a mad thing; outside, I paused and complimented it. I wish that I had thought to give her the SnK-style military salute. Like, "nice jacket, soldier. *fist over heart*" Because I'm a nerd like that.

That's the SnK salute, apparently.

Not, you know, the Roman salute or anything.
 Dear fandom,

How fast can you get me some fic for tonight's Arrow? Because I have needs.


Love,
me

I'm not sure why I'm so worried about being a good writer or anything. It's not like standards exist anymore

I drew a new goddess card for the year, having felt successful with my Athena card last year. I'm a shite pagan when it comes to actually practicing and studying, but having a particular goddess energy to focus on felt...useful? 

Dude what

Like, the key words my deck gives for each goddess provided a point to reflect on so I could see what I had done or how I had grown in that area over the year. I may write about that eventually. Someone remind me sometime when my head is better.

This year is Freya. It felt right again, with that same kind of sparkly, happy recognition I had when I pulled the Athena card last year. It'll be interesting to see where the Lady leads me.

What

Keeping up with everything that's going on in my various online spheres is triggering my anxiety. Work stress is triggering depression. I may not be posting or commenting much for a while. We'll see.

You get anxiety from the internet
How are you adapted to living in this world?
The internet freaks you out.
How do you handle a job?

I don't know what's up with my body today, but my hands/wrists have been aching since early this morning. Not an outright, constant thing, but there's this frequent, obvious feeling of stiffness and discomfort. I'm mostly just glad that it's not currently impeding me from performing any tasks.

Well holy shit her hand hurts her.
Call the fucking guard.
I mean Imperial Guard.
OR NO EXCUSE ME ASTRA MILITARUM THANK YOU GAMES WORKSHOP.
They're currently renaming everything they can't copyright.
Why?
Who the fuck knows?
This is ignoring that in Warhammer lore all groups like that are adeptus something but "imperial guard" in the faux Latin they use would most readily be rendered as "adeptus custodes" which is already a military body that is entirely different from the imperial guard.
Thank you, Games Workshop.
Also they shouldn't have a High Gothic (the faux Latin) name at all because the Imperial Guard didn't exist prior to the Horus Heresy and no one speaks High Gothic after that.
FUCK I KNOW THE PLOT BETTER THAN THE COMPANY THAT MADE IT DOES.

It's a good thing I have a great internal clock, because when I woke up this morning, my phone battery had completely discharged itself overnight.

Discharge makes it sound like it fired arc lightning.
Ok so as we all know I'm a man with a big swinging dick and 8 inches of foreskin but I can't handle this shit and these allergies today.
I'm sorry.
I tried.
BEHOLD THE SONG OF THE NOW

The Struggle

Holy God Diablo III fanfiction.
This is one post but we're doing it and then I'll do another blog because holy shit.

Character Info ››
Name: Malthael
Canon: Diablo 3
Age: Many thousands of years
Appearance: Faceless, glowing wings, likes to dress in black and white
Canon Point: Just after the Nephalem enters the Pandemonium Fortress

"Likes to dress in black and white"
like oh hey Malthael, Archangel of Death, Reaper of Souls, what are you going to wear today
I dunno man how about some black and white robes?

 Personality: By the time Malthael starts to exterminate humanity to bring about an end to the Eternal Conflict, He has become a cold, heartless, ruthless being. The only hint of his old self is when he spares Tyrael, as even though Tyrael is mortal, he lacks the demonic taint present in all humanity. He sees anything demonic as worthy of being destroyed, and this includes all humanity in his canon (encountering non-demonic humans will be a very troubling issue for him in the game).

... "encountering non-demonic humans will be a very troubling issue for him"
"he spares Tyrael because he's a non-tainted human"
WOW IT'S LIKE THE INCREDIBLY THIN, CLICHE PLOT TO DIABLO 3 WAS ALMOST TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE!
Here let me summarize this shit so you can get a non-retard summary of this literary tour-de-force on par with Herman Hesse's Siddhartha:
In the grim darkness of not-earth Satan and his asshole brothers decide to terrorize not-earth because--
uhh--
and anyway there are angels but they're non-denomination angels with no God.
This shit isn't Christianity, okay?
But the angels are almost as bad as the devils so humans are doubly fucked.
Also humans are the spawn of angels fucking devils.
Shut the fuck up. Someone was paid to write this and you're going to goddamn listen to it.
So a ton of stupid shit happens and then we come to the world stone which is like a magic stone that's somehow important to keeping reality stable but if you fuck with it enough you can also alter reality.
Malthael, who used to be the angel of wisdom, became the angel of death. His solution to defeating the demons (as angels and demons hate each other, natch) and therefore ending the Eternal War is to kill all humanity by stealing the world stone and then sucking out all the demonic essence in the world, thereby exterminating humanity because, as we said, they're half demons.
This will make Malthael all-powerful and then he can kill all demons and rule over a realm of death.
It's a solution, anyway.
But luckily your character in Diablo 3 is the Nephalem which is like a super powerful human throwback to when angels and demons first started boning.
This plot is fucking stupid why am I even wasting my time trying to summarize it?
Malthael is effective as a villain and Reaper of Souls does have some excellent art direction but the plot is fucking stupid and also gay.
He enjoys taunting the Nephalem about the futility of their quest, and enjoys every death brought about by his army: Each death makes him stronger and brings that much closer the end of the Eternal Conflict, something Malthael has always been denied in the past. In a way, it could serve to soothe a wound and ease the trouble in his mind that began when the Worldstone was first lost. At the point from which I am taking Malthael he will be full of wrath and fury at being torn away from Pandemonium when his victory is so close at hand.
You keep saying "enjoys" and "likes" like this thing can possibly have emotions outside of fucking murder.

While Malthael was once capable of working alongside others, accepting their right to bring their opinions forth as part of the Angiris Council, he no longer views any as his equals (Imperious' temper causes them to lose their chance to capture Diablo, and looking back at all those failures does not help his opinion and view of his fellow Angels). Angels are probably the only beings he would not kill for getting in his way, and then only if sparing them would not (in his mind, and he doesn't have the best judgment on this matter because he considers himself unstoppable) cause further trouble.
He used to be the angel of wisdom, idiot.

Then he became disillusioned with what he saw as the angel of wisdom--
what the fuck is it with fanfiction?
It's like every five minutes there's a new monument to insanity ready to horrify me right to my fucking core.
 You're writing a fanfiction/roleplay about a series that can be summarized with "click on skeletons so you can get loot to more effectively click on skeletons"

He'll accept those working towards the same cause he is, but isn't going to listen to any dissenting voices once he's decided on a course of action, even if that course of action is ultimately going to be self-destructive.

... Which explains why the other angels, who have proposed the destruction of humanity before, side with him.
OH WAIT NO THEY SIDE WITH YOU BECAUSE HIS PLAN IS CRAZIER THAN WHAT THE ANGELS USUALLY DO.
Malthael's only allies in this war are his own underlings, who, understandably, are corrupted like him by him becoming the archangel of death.
This seriously is a simple, simple black and white morality kinda plot. How are you this shitty at characterizing death?
He fucking kills people.
That's the end of his characterization.
This is not a dynamic character.

Malthael was once a beautiful and wonderful being who cherished all life, but continual failures led him down the path that ended in Death. The Nephalem destroying the Prime Evil, a feat that the Angels had been unable to accomplish for thousands of years, was simply the final unbearable proof that he'd been inadequate as Wisdom.

Malthael has a lot of anger he doesn't acknowledge, at himself, the Angiris council, humanity in general and the Nephalem in particular. 

Or to summarize this succinctly: Malthael is disillusioned so he becomes archangel of death and Tyrael becomes the archangel of wisdom to fill in the spot.
Come on people, fuck.
The main angels summarize concepts as complicated and not-cliched as hope, wisdom, fate, death and valor.
Clearly we need fanfiction about this.
Somehow fate and death aren't buddies, either.
I'll leave it to the reader to decide how much sense that makes.

Instead he lives in denial, rationalizing that as Death, he is in a better position to combat the remaining demonic threat than he could when he was the Aspect of Wisdom; Likewise, the Angiris council is flawed, and the only Angels Malthael accepts are those who agree to serve him obediently. And obviously humanity and the Nephalem are abominations, since nothing good could possibly rival the power of an Archangel.

He's not wrong.
The Angels have proven incredibly inept at fighting demons and his plan, while extreme, would have worked.
So is he in denial?
He's just a man with a plan, really.
Also the main problem with the angels, as I see it, is them trusting Imperius.
Despite his name being Imperius and him being the archangel of valor he's also a total puss.
Again, expert writing.

There was a time when Malthael rarely spoke, but he has become considerably more talkative (in comparison) than he was before the Worldstone went missing. 

>more talkative than when the Worldstone went missing
>the story states he disappeared after the Worldstone disappeared
yeah no that's true.
Hard to be less talkative than being totally absent.

He's still not the most talkative being, but he does enjoy taunting his foes. As Malthael has no face in his normal form, emotion and feeling are usually communicated through body language, and in particular, the movement of his wings (which now take the form of skeletal wisps of pale light rather than the luminous purple they once were)

>body language
>spends 90% of the expansion folded up like a mummy
No, cool. You're making the actual plot to Diablo 3 seem competent.

Abilities/Powers/Skills: Malthael is the Aspect of Death. In Diablo 3 that made him invulnerable to everything except Death. The only way the Nephalem could defeat him was to also take on the aspect of Death. That wouldn't really work so well in a game, so this will be nerfed so that he can be hurt by anything (he is not going to accept this so well), but only actually killed by another thing that is Death.

God that was so fucking dumb in the game.
"Only his own aspect can harm him!"
"How do you get that?"
"I dunno like eat a ghost or something"
AND INDEED YOU DO.

Being death, Malthael can create fog from his wings that causes living things to decay. He can also sense any amount of demonic essence in a soul, and rip souls from bodies (although that is more difficult the stronger his opponent is, and Malthael is unlikely to do it to anything that isn't demonic). Hearing his voice can cause dark and brooding thoughts and feelings in people.

Here just watch this and save yourself a ton of time with this garbage.
I'll give Blizzard some credit. This cinematic is, well, cinematic as fuck.
In fact if you're not paying attention you might actually think this is quality writing.

Weaknesses: Malthael has no particular kryptonite

I dunno he seemed to have a pretty big weakness to getting cornered and cheesed to death with frozen orb spam. Also after watching that can you believe some people had the audacity to claim the game was too bright?
Like sorry they had to use a color other than black. You won't find someone who is willing to criticize Blizzard faster than me but the art direction wasn't the issue.
Actually it was in a way. The classes are kind of uninteresting at times. Like you have this wacky high Gothic world and the best you can do is a wizard and a dude with an axe?
Like I got a cool idea for a character. A hot Egyptian kinda chick who's Diablo 3's equivalent to the druid.
She can turn into a crocodile, a jackal and like an eagle or something.
You can have that idea, Blizzard.
A lot of people are bitching the game needs a necromancer class but that's pretty much the witch doctor. Sorry you can't summon skellingtons. Guess you'll have to make due with exploding zombie bears you ungrateful whining losers.

Special Items: His armor and his two weapons are highly magical and incredibly durable/hard/sharp, but they have no special characteristics beyond that.

... He is the suit of armor, buddy. Remember when Tyrael pulled his pauldrons off and his wings went with it and it made him mortal?
I think it's safe to say angels are just embodied suits of armor.
Wow I spent the entire entry talking about Diablo 3.
Fuck me. Fuck fanfiction.
Song of the now. I've had this stuck in my head a while because I'm a homo.