OH BOY

So I've been living in South Korea for a month and I haven't gotten my regular dose of insane white girls because of it.
Instead I get my daily of Korean insanity.
I dunno girls here seem saner over all. They just carry their intensely homsexual dogs in slings like the dogs are little babies.
At least this doesn't come from them.
How do I know this?
When was the last blog you saw in Korean?
Defense rests.

STICKY POST: About Me, Policies, Other Stuff

You know you're in for quality reading when your blog has a post about policy making and isn't related to what the fuck it is your government is doing.

I'm M, or Marwen, but I'll probably remember to answer to "M" more often. You'll see other names pop up places from people, but these are the tags I'd rather people use.

You'll probably remember to answer to M?
If I'm posting on your blog (har har not gonna happen) I'm probably addressing you, dipshit.

I'm mid-twenties, Canadian, queer, single, cis-female, Gifted, ASD, and possess the pure joy that is MDD (major depressive disorder) for which I am in treatment, and a fun case of PTSD.

You know what gets me about these people? They'll bitch about you labeling them but then their entire life is spent endlessly affixing labels to themselves. It's part of the special snowflake disorder. You can't just be a fucking person. You have to be special and unique and you can do that by saying you're Canadian.

I'm also a polytheistic pagan of a private bent, which is to say I am religious, I don't talk about it in specifics very often, and you wouldn't recognize my gods if you met them. 

... Have I reviewed this blog before?
Or is it another one of these?

Which is, I think, all of the necessary warning labels: if you've a particular objection to any of the above, you might want to toddle away. 

I object to you being Canadian.

I'm a writer, and have a BA with a double-major in English and History. I write original stuff, but I keep that kind of locked up on an outside chance of publication. I do a lot of secondary world fiction, which means a lot of worldbuilding, especially since being a history major with an interest in anthropology/etc makes one very picky about such things. I have, at this count, more than half-a-dozen completely secondary worlds, along with a couple of urban fantasy worlds; it's crowded in my brain. 

Sounds like a bunch of shit.

Additionally, I work with tarot, and I do a monthly three-card draw, and am also available to do readings with one of my three decks (7$CAD) or from all three interacting (16$CAD) month-round.

Do you know what 7 Canadian dollars would buy you in South Korea?
It's like 1950s pricing here. That's a ludicrous amount of money to piss away.
You could buy like a week's groceries, a taxi ride to get it back to your apartment and still have enough money left over to go to the movies and buy a popcorn after.
Speaking of, here's my first picture from Korea.
A great picture of the cityscape or something?
No fuck that look at how faggoty this dog is.

- I have a general blanket "dark and ugly content" warning. That means that dark and ugly shit is under the cut, and that it's designed to be disturbing, caveat lector; I'll use this warning when a) being more specific would wreck the story and/or b) when I'm really not sure how to warn for what's there, but am pretty damn sure it's going to be distressing

- I'll generally warn for non-con, under-sexual-maturity*, graphic harm done to the human body
Bitch I read Warhammer books I think whatever you can cook up as "dark and ugly" pales into insignificance. 
Also in my down time that isn't the weekend I've gotten back into Skyrim and I've modded the game to be an apocalyptic nightmare of difficulty and maddening survivalism.

However you are at all times welcome to email me and ask whether your trigger is in a fic. I don't care if it's clowns, rape, daffodils or haircuts, you don't have to explain all about why, all you have to do is send me an email or a PM saying "does X fic contain Y?" and I will say "yes, it contains Y" or "no, it does not contain Y" or, in rare cases " . . . possibly. Does [explains situation as delicately as possible] count as Y? If so, yes, if not, no." 

You know this whole trigger warning thing stemmed from some kinda psycho
ylogy convention that was being attended by victims and they decided it would probably be polite to warn the rape victims that what they're talking about might trigger some kind of flashback. This isn't supposed to be you attempting to monopolize my ability to speak with your incredibly sensitive feelings.
Does anyone remember that blog where there was a trigger warning for a picture of a gun but the picture was so huge there was almost no conceivable way to have the trigger on screen without at least part of the gun on screen too?
To me that summarizes this shit perfectly. Like that's all you have to know.
Also of course in her attempt to placate all of her childish women reading her blog (all none of them) all entries are hidden beneath cuts so it makes actually predicting what's "offensive" and what's banal nonsense impossible.
You might as well not have any cuts at all since it's all just hidden beneath the same bullshit.
You want a trigger warning?
Here's my trigger warning:
grow the fuck up.

- it maintains no real traceable connection to him as an actual person, but Bucky's tumblr-persona gains a reputation as "this guy who mostly reblogs art, history, some news and random photographs, and every so often goes into a truly epic rant".

Yeah this is the character from Captain America branded the "Winter Soldier" who fought Hitler and then was kidnapped by super Nazis, had his arm turned into a robot and was brainwashed to fight against Captain America.
I don't think this guy would have a tumblr.
This is literally the dumbest shit I've ever seen. These aren't complicated characters.
Captain America is free as fuck. That's the entire character.

Maybe more later. I should do some housework.

Yeah maybe stick to that.

Also oh wow do I have a bad knee-jerk reaction right now to the implication that complex trauma shit is a "stage" that can be "moved past" and does that ever mean that I need to stop trawling my network and cut down on the tumblrs I elect to read. 

Look I know being Canadian is impossible to move past but you can get over trauma. You don't have to spend your entire life as a victim.
I know feminism tells you otherwise and simply by being born with a twat you're a victim and oppressed and raped daily but that's not actually true.

4. Two people (one anonymous, the other knows who zie is) were sweet enough to send me DW points! So now I have all my icons back for six months or so. Wheee. *spins* OH I CAN UPLOAD MORE NOW. 

Who zie is get the fuck out.
Christ all mighty.

2. The baby is almost walking. I want her to walk so bad. She's already as fast crawling as she could be walking and right now she's a serious impediment: she HATES being in her stroller or carseat if we're still at all, but she's only crawling which means I can't just let her out and slowly pace behind her because she will eat EVERYTHING. 

You have a kid?
Why is that allowed?
Here's a post entitled "I normally love Sephora" which man.
If only she also said "I also love the iPhone and pumpkin spice lattes and Victoria's Secret clothing" that would round out the white girl stereotype.
Oh and uggs.
and yoga pants. Not that I'm complaining about yoga pants.
I am disappointed to report the yoga pant fad hasn't quite caught on here.
Those tiny shorts that are kinda split up the side have so I'm fine.
Maybe it has. It's been too ass humid to wear any of that shit anyway.

if people came with warning labels, what would mine be?

Remember that fake label that used to come on Cheetos?
DANGEROUSLY CHEESEY!
That'd be yours.
DANGEROUSLY CUNTY!

1. I was going to write tonight but then I managed to have a bunch of little triggers all heap together into a larger one and had to deal with feeling like a bear was trying to eat me alive for a couple hours instead.

I need a trigger warning in Skyrim now for "sabercat has been stalking you for a mile and a half and is about to maul you and startle the fuck out of you"
This isn't like vanilla Skyrim, either. A two ton sabertooth tiger mauls you and it's not like oh you take 5% damage.
That's it, man. Reload from previous save.

1. Current adventures in goalpost moving attempts by my brain: "it doesn't count if [popular person] or [other popular person] or even [person I just see a lot on my network] hasn't read it/liked it/recced it, because clearly then it's not as good as the other stuff they have." *throws up hands* REALLY BRAIN, THAT IS JUST FUCKING RIDICULOUS. WE ARE WAY TOO PUNK ROCK FOR THIS SHIT AND WE'RE NOT EVEN THAT PUNK ROCK.


2. In the car after work I realized that the brain-resonance to "Abraham's Daughter" by Arcade Fire is actually for Herself, which makes everything including the iconography make a fuck of a lot more sense. Because one of her themes/domains is sacrifice, but she's intensely hardline: sacrifices cannot be demanded, or taken, or owed, or even asked for. They are given fully freely or they're just theft/murder/whatever. Which: if you trace her storylines, it's an element, greater or lesser, in all of them.

You'd better let young Isaac go. 

These are words arranged in an order resembling the English language but much like the papers I grade daily I imagine they were either translated from a foreign language using Google Translate or possibly just a complex algorithm that outputs words in a pattern resembling what a real person might say.
Like I try to tell them don't use Google Translate.
I even give the Google Translate demonstration.
Here's a news story in English
Here's what it looks like in Korean
no human
not even a complete new speaker
will say shit like this
so I can tell instantly so don't do that
THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK
CALL THE COPS

4. Ugh there is World Cup stuff everywhere. One only barely escapes hockey to be hammered by the World Cup. 

Yeah that's been fun ducking around here.
British people and Korean people pissed at me simply because my country 1. doesn't give a fuck about soccer and 2. is obliterating all the world's nations at it.
FUCK YOU, WORLD. AMERICA KICKS ASS.
In fact, world, you're welcome America doesn't care about soccer. If it did they might as well rename the World Cup to the America Cup because that's apparently who would take it every year.
Apparently England is sucking hard and Korea is doing better than anticipated but still pretty shit.

1. Guys, I love Natasha as much as anyone, but: that moment she fakes out the Winter Soldier with the phone and then jumps him? No. No she's not even remotely an actual threat. The thing that impressed me and is scariest about that moment is how unfussed and comparatively leisurely his movement to block her garrotte is and how easily he throws her off. (And that he's by no means convinced it IS her on the other side of that car: note that he rolls a grenade over, as compared to later when he knows EXACTLY where she's hiding and just goes for the shot.) Natasha is incredibly impressive in that scene, don't get me wrong: she is fighting with the equivalent of a knife at a gun-fight, and she's amazing (the actual REALLY amazing and actually-posed-a-threat moment is when she fires based on his shadow and nicks his glasses) and still completely, terrifyingly outclassed.

Seriously, he's like "ah, a garrotte", blocks it, and then tosses her like a doll into a car. Then shoots her through the shoulder while running with a relatively inaccurate firearm. Until the moment Steve breaks out the Psychologically Compromising Recognition, both he and Nat were totally gonna die. 

That movie was pretty sweet but can we please stop talking about it?
Also of course he shrugs her off like a bad cold. She's a 110 pound woman and he's like a 180 pound man WITH A ROBOT ARM.

My sister said this morning, "What's a Deadpool?"

The last Dirty Harry movie.
Or a comic book character retards will not shut the fuck up about.

I have a migraine, the kids are whiny,

PAY ATTENTION TO THEM YOU SELFISH CUNT.
FUCK.
I'm going to eat lunch.

Das It Mane

Dear Abby redid her entire website.
Good excuse as any I figure.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for two years. We gave each other our phone passwords as soon as we made it official to avoid keeping things from each other.
One night I had a sudden urge to go through his phone. I had never done it before, and when I looked at his Facebook messages, I saw he had been exchanging inappropriate pictures with someone. I was shocked and angry, and it almost ended our relationship.
He deleted and blocked this person, and I forgave him. 

Who
cares

DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and have been married for 12 years. My wife is 35. When we first got together, my wife did not want to have kids right away. She said maybe after I graduated from college, or perhaps we could adopt. It took more time because of some surgeries, but I have graduated now and I want to start a family.
She now says she thought I was kidding when we were talking about it all those years ago, and that I knew she never wanted kids. I am at a loss. I love this woman, but I do want children, or to adopt a baby if that's not possible -- but she says she's unwilling to do either. What am I to do? -- WANTS TO BE A DAD IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

NC represent
The answer is you divorce the lying whore.

DEAR WANTS TO BE A DAD: You either accept that you will be childless, or talk to an attorney about divorcing a woman who appears to have deceived you. How sad!

Somehow my response came across as gentler and I called her a whore.
At least you could muster a "what a shame"
"How sad!" with an exclamation point?
That's what I say when I die in Diablo 3.
Losing a match in League of Legends registers as higher on my list of shit going wrong than "how sad!"
Dude finds a relationship of 12 years is built on a lie and that's all you got for him?
How sad?

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged to my ex-girlfriend for three years. We broke up more than a year ago -- her choice. We reconciled briefly, but are now broken up for good, and she's dating someone else.
My question is about the engagement ring. It didn't bother me that she kept it until recently. Should I ask for the ring back or let it go?

Reclaim your overpriced property.
I'd bring garden shears just in case I had to hack her finger off.
I call in loans in EVE Online with more prejudice than you're managing over an actual engagement ring.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Gwen," just started middle school. She makes good grades, but she's strong-willed. Do kids grow up instantly when they start middle school?
She wants to know if she can have a boyfriend. I told her not until she's 15. Now she's flirting with girls who ask her out. I told her to stay away from them, not because they are lesbians but because they are not good girls. They are always in trouble.

Bitch I will not be on teen mom. I am disowning you if you get pregnant.
That's how you parent, motherfucker.
11 year old girl
flirting with other 11 year old girls
not on my watch.

Gwen says I'm too strict, and if I don't stop, she will run away.

Yeah, okay, Gwen.
I've been a substitute for 2 years, I taught at a shitty hood school, worked at a shitty grocery store and I'm about to go to South Korea.
If you want to go crazy then let's get nuts because I've been madder than a hatter for more than double the time you've been on earth.
Trying to hold me
emotionally hostage
with your shitty middle school psychological tricks
NOT TODAY, ASSHOLE.

I adopted her at birth (it was an open adoption), and she recently asked me if I am going to place her for adoption. She was worried that I would. I am very concerned that she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Any advice?

Mail her a bullet with a card that says "the next one is coming a hell of a lot faster."

DEAR MOM: People do not grow up "instantly." I know individuals who are immature at 50, and I'm sure if you think about it, so do you. From what you have told me about your daughter, it's clear that she is far from the grown-up she thinks she is.
If you do not to want Gwen to date until she is older, that is your prerogative as her parent. The gender of the person isn't the issue.

You know, Gwen, they say a prince can be judged by the company he keeps.
Do you want to be called a whore the rest of your life?
Better get your head on straight you little cunt.

Because you think she is hanging out with the wrong crowd, my advice is to make sure she is so busy she doesn't have time to spend with them. Involve her in activities outside of school -- sports, scouting, music or art. And be sure she knows that you are her forever mother and that nothing she could ever do will lessen your love for her.

SMACK U RITE ACROSS THE GABBA M8

I'm a single mother supporting four children with no help from my ex-husband. I am fortunate to have a good job that I like. I referred a friend to the company who has since become a regular employee, and he seems to be happy here. I was recently told that I'll be receiving a referral bonus, which was a pleasant surprise. My friend approached me and asked me point-blank to split the money with him! 

HUE HUE HUE you're a funny guy, friend.

I was taken aback. He knows my situation. He has a wife who also works full time, and two kids. I think he has a lot of gall to put me in a spot like this. The bonus money will be a huge help to me, and I don't think it's right that he expects me to give half of it to him. How do I handle this while keeping our work relationship intact?

Mail him a bullet with a card--

Ignore your co-worker's question. If the subject is raised again, laugh and tell him you thought he was joking. If he says he wasn't, remind him how hard jobs are to find and tell him he's lucky you didn't ask HIM for a referral fee. You don't owe him anything; he owes YOU his gratitude.

Murder him and find a replacement.
Repeat.
Live off finder's bonuses.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of 18 months, whom I love with all my heart, just learned an ex-boyfriend passed away. They dated on and off for 10 years, and she's inconsolable.
After their relationship ended, she married someone else and divorced. I am having a really hard time with how she's handling this. Can you please help? -- CURRENT MR. RIGHT IN RHODE ISLAND

Women, man.
She chose you over this sucker so whatever.
Don't be a twit about it.

DEAR CURRENT MR. RIGHT: Your girlfriend may not be mourning the death of her former flame as much as she's grieving a burial of 10 years of her history. Give her time and let her share her feelings with you. If you do, it will bring you closer. Do NOT allow jealousy to enter into the picture. (Remember, the man is dead, and YOU are her future.)

There you go.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem dealing with shopping mall kiosk operators. Many of them are outright obnoxious. They block your way and insist that you listen to their pitch or try their product. I find I have to avoid eye contact with them. They might say something nice as I walk by, but if I answer, it is a guaranteed lead-in to a sales pitch.

You've got 10 seconds to move or this is going to get fucking ugly.

I feel bad for not replying, but it's the only way. I know they are trying to make a living, but I can see their product as I walk by. If it's something I'm interested in, I'll stop and ask. Otherwise, I think they should respect my privacy. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Alternatively you can employ the Steve stratagem (so named after my friend Steve) who would try to sell the competitor's product to the salesman.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Dawn" for more than a year. She has an amazing 7-year-old daughter, "Charise," who started calling me Dad about six months after her mother and I began dating. I love being a "dad" -- going to the park, on trips, helping out at school and telling bedtime stories.
The problem is, I don't love Dawn. We don't get along well anymore. My mother tells me I should find someone else and have kids of my own, but Charise "feels" like my kid. I can't imagine losing her.
One friend suggested I marry Dawn so I can stay in her daughter's life, but I want to be in love with the woman I marry. Am I wrong for not wanting to lose a child I consider my daughter, but not wanting to marry someone I don't love? -- SPINNING MY WHEELS IN CALIFORNIA

You're in love with the 7 year old, mang.
Pedophilia ahoy!
At this point I'd like to say that isn't the suggested solution. That's just the reality of the situation.
I have no idea how to tell you how to fix this.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a member of the clergy who enjoys studying for my ministry and doctoral work at a local coffee shop. Three men who go there every day have found out that I'm a minister, and they each want to talk with me while I'm there. Although all three are members of the same religion, none of them is affiliated with a church.
I have invited them to visit my worship services, as well as call the office and set up an appointment with me. I have also tried to diplomatically explain that I go to the coffee shop to study. One of them ignores it, another appears hurt and the third one gets offended. When they're not around, I am productive. When they show up, they want me to be their chaplain.
Because of where I live, finding another coffee shop is not a viable option. How can I set a boundary with them and still do my studying there? Thank you. -- REVEREND KEN IN NEW YORK

Oh I'm sorry I thought ministers were supposed to help people with spiritual needs.
My fucking mistake.
Also "Chaplain" my ass.
This is the one true kind of chaplain:

And you will never, ever be that awesome.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Lizzie," continues to talk to a 14-year-old boy who is very controlling and abusive to her. I made her stop talking to him, took away her cellphone privileges, and tried to show her how wrong he was for her and that she was going to wind up very hurt.
After recently giving her the cellphone back, I learned last night that Lizzie has been talking to him and lying to me about it. He sent her a text that if she didn't answer his call within seven minutes, he was either going to shoot himself or cut himself. He included a picture of his arm with a knife held against it. She thinks that her compliance is all that's standing in the way of this boy killing himself.

No daughter of mine would be terrified into compliance.
The only thing you should teach your kids to say in situations like this is "do it, faggot"

I'm scared for her safety, but she won't listen to me because she "loves" him. When I called the boy's mother about it, she became defensive and accused me of implying she was a bad mother. Please tell me how to handle this.

Compromise is akin to treachery.

Really if you'd raised your child in a proper, Imperial manner this wouldn't be a problem.
My nephew is getting married next year. I was very excited because I love him and I'm a baker. I had planned on making the groom's cake as I did for his brother's and sister's weddings. The problem is, they have decided on a hunting theme for their wedding -- including a camouflage wedding dress for the bride.

Sorry to hear you're related to trash.

Abby, I am an animal-rights activist. I'm against any form of hunting. I am also involved with several animal-protection groups. My nephew and his fiancee know how hard I work for animal rights -- just the thought of a hunting theme for a wedding makes me ill.
I don't even want to attend, let alone make a cake. What can I do so there will be no hurt feelings if I don't want to attend or participate? -- BAKER IN THE MIDWEST

"I won't suffer white trash."

DEAR BAKER: The theme for your nephew's wedding is certainly unique. The concept of a camouflage wedding dress is practical because the dress can be worn after the nuptials, which isn't the case with many bridal gowns.

You can wear it to Wal-Mart, maybe, because I'm sure a dress isn't practical for hunting.

Feeling as strongly as you do about not attending, write the happy couple a warm letter wishing them a lifetime of happiness together and include a nice wedding gift -- I'm sure there will be no hurt feelings.

You know I'm sure a lot of people would say a society dictated by me would be especially brutal and uncompromising and yeah it would be but at least there wouldn't be much in the way of social ambiguity.
Everyone would know exactly where they stood at all times.

DEAR ABBY: I'm incredibly fond of my friend "Russell." He is always supportive, considerate and kind to me. However, I know that he is into S&M and this worries me, as I can't reconcile the two different people -- a gentle person with someone wanting to dominate and possibly hurt a woman in bed.
Should I be worried that Russell is hiding a dark side that will eventually come out and ruin our friendship? -- WORRIED FRIEND IN AUSTRALIA

It's not like he's raping women.
Presumably.
Also, good Christ you live in Australia. You encounter an average of 10 lethal things walking to your garbage can and this is what has you bothered?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I relocated to Florida a little over a year ago and were quickly welcomed into our new neighbors' social whirl. Two couples in the neighborhood are gay -- one male, one female. While they are nice enough, my husband and I did not include them when it was our turn to host because we do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Since then, we have been excluded from neighborhood gatherings, and someone even suggested that we are bigots!

Oh I see.
So it's okay when YOU do it but when they do it they're being big meanie heads.
You know for all the shit your religion doesn't permit it sure does tolerate hypocrites easily.
When asked to describe the difference in standard operating procedure between newer religions and older religions the most acute difference I see is the acceptability of hypocrisy.
And that is where modern religions started going wrong.

Abby, we moved here from a conservative community where people were pretty much the same. If people were "different," they apparently kept it to themselves. While I understand the phrase "when in Rome," I don't feel we should have to compromise our values just to win the approval of our neighbors. But really, who is the true bigot here? Would you like to weigh in? -- UNHAPPY IN TAMPA

You are hypocritical swine.

I sure would. The first thing I'd like to say is that regardless of what you were told in your previous community, a person's sexual orientation isn't a "lifestyle choice." Gay people don't choose to be gay; they are born that way. They can't change being gay any more than you can change being heterosexual.

No, Abby, I got this.
You can't reason with these people.
I handled it as much as you can.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 33 years. I recently found a pair of her panties with "Booty Call" printed across the back. I can't help but wonder. She has never had underwear like that in 33 years. What gives? -- SURPRISED TEXAN
DEAR SURPRISED: Was your wife wearing the lingerie at the time? If not, how did you discover the panties?
The surest way to get to the bottom of this would be to ask your wife this question. She may have thought they were cute and bought them on impulse -- or they may have been a gift. Please let me know, because not only am I interested in her answer, but I'm sure millions of readers are curious, too.

YEAH.
HEAR THAT SHIT?
ABBY IS TELLING YOU TO KEEP YOUR SLUT WIFE'S BUSINESS TO YOURSELF.
 FUCK.
Time for bed.

ADVENT

Oh boy Christmas falls on a Wednesday this year.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck offffff.
Already the entries are shit like "hurrr Christmas shopping" and Wednesday is going to be absolutely insufferable with the Christmas fanfic about Sherlock fucking Watson on Christmas.
Anyway let's do this shit.

Fender bender at Target today. :| I would normally never go into a parking lot just a couple of days before Christmas, but Dad asked if I could pick up some Tupperware for Melissa (this is actually a good present), so I did ... and as I was backing out, someone else backed into me. Because their corner hit the side of my car, I think it's pretty clear that I was further out when they bumped me, at least.

lol women driving cars

But knowing some of the inner workings of insurance makes me REALLY UNEAGER to get involved in the whole reporting, even though I know I have to.

So don't?
You don't have to tell your insurance company diddly dick.
Let's read her "possibly controversial" opinion of Christianity.

1. I looove Christmas. The Christmas spirit, Christmas specials, the idea that there's ~something about this time of year~. Thick snow on the ground, curling up in the warm.

HOLY SHIT
CONTROVERSY
 EASY THERE I MIGHT CUT MYSELF ON THOSE EDGES.

2. I'm so not Christian, I'm not sure that there even was an historical Jesus (the fact that most of the scholars saying that no serious scholar would question his realness anymore appear to be Christian doesn't help) and think that if there were he was probably about 10% of what Bible!Jesus is. So very much not Christian.

Have I ever told you how much I hate the thing!name thing?
Biblical Jesus. Just say that. Don't get douchey with the bullshit fanfiction speak.

3. I am actually sort of embarrassed when people talk about Jesus. Not quite sure why. It's not a condescending embarrassment, like I think people should stop because it's wrong or anything.

 Wow this argument is fucking garbage.
I can't believe this needed a cut.
This is controversial?
Show some fucking passion.

4. I always have this TREMENDOUS cloud of guilt over the whole thing because Christmas's overwhelming of December obviously provokes discussion of Christian-centricity and privilege. I am clearly privileged in that my holiday of choice is the loudest and most powerful one, but ... because I'm not Christian and I choose to celebrate it (if one can be said to choose to celebrate a holiday that one's entire family celebrates) ... I don't even know what I want to say here, I just feel conflicted and like I'm sideways-Christian and have to consider myself a follower of Jesus even though (2). Why do I always have so much guilt and anxiety about everything?

5. Bella's church play was terrible even for a children's church play, and I realize that the original script had snowflakes in circles replacing the Os, but when your program reads "Sn*wflake C*unty" seeing the obvious does not mean I have a "dirty mind".

Woooooow.
So your opinion on Christianity is:
You're not a Christian but you celebrate Christmas.
WELCOME TO HALF OF AMERICA YOU STUPID CUNT.
It took you five (5) bullet points to reach that shocking conclusion never before reached by the mind of man.
You couldn't even manage an edgy atheist view?
Here let me give you a controversial opinion, then, since I feel bad for anyone reading this. I know I didn't sell it but at some point you were promised controversy.
Monotheism is poisonous and society was better off Pagan.
There.

My interview today went really well! I asked one of the questions that are supposed to be the right ones ("What's your ideal candidate for this job?" - answer, basically how I'd described myself, yes) and semi-lied about how I could see myself still there in 2-5 years. It's just a mail room job, and only for a couple of months, but I think I'd be suited.

>Semi-lied (what)
>said you'd stay 2-5 years
>only planning on staying months
No that'd just be a regular lie, idiot.

Somehow I've ended up browsing Amazon's "historical fiction about women in tumultuous periods of English history" section again. 

And science fiction and fantasy are still under the umbrella "scifi/fantasy" category.
Life ain't fair, man.

Okay, um. I suppose now I can claim a lot of cred because I have seen all of the following arguments:
- If you ship slash, you are disgusting and perverting the text and the obviously straight characters.
- If you don't ship slash, you are boring and unimaginative.
- If you don't ship slash, you are homophobic and ignoring the obvious subtext.
- If you ship slash, you are disgusted by women and hate all female characters (and yourself).
- If you ship slash, you are fetishizing gay men and are terrible.
- If you ship femslash, you are actually a liar because you don't. You only pretend to in order to look good.

WHY GOD WHY. How does anyone even have energy for this anymore? 

Who cares?
Who has the energy for this?
Certainly not me.
Like you're just writing shitty fanfiction because you're a no talent hack with no imagination. Just everyone play nice in your no-creativity world and enjoy it.

Yesterday I got the trifecta of bad.

Trifecta of bad?
Phantasy Star Universe with Bruce Sprinsteen album playing and you're trapped in Texas?
Because unless someone put a gun to your head and said "do this shit motherfucker" this is entirely your fault.
No one makes you play Phantasy Star Universe.
And admittedly I still have Vietnam war-tier flashbacks to how shit it is but you know.
I'll survive.

Sexism! "I don't know how those girls can call rape when they dress the way they do."

Oh.

Racism! [On a kid in Albany who picked up an abandoned gun in a vacant lot and accidentally shot himself in the hand, and his relatives talking on YNN.] "What do they think, living in places like that? Move out of that neighborhood!"

How is that racism?
Shit neighborhood. Leave.

Classism! ... Damn, I forgot the specifics for this one. Anti-Obamacare stuff. (YNN's been running a thing about how NY is starting to implement it for people who make less than $45k. I may be eligible for Medicaid!) It was there, though. It's actually there just about every day.

As a man who makes no money whatsoever I am anti-Obamacare.
This is weak.
That is not the trifecta of bad that I know.

Yup, getting involved in another argument on Jezebel about historical fashion. This is my life now, objecting nerdily when people say corsets cause health problems or Chanel blah blah blah THERE ARE BETTER NON-NAZI FEMINIST FASHION ICONS OUT THERE

Woooooow arguing on feminist blogs about historical fashion.
So cool.

A blog this gay deserves a very homosexual song of the now.
I'm stopping this entry here incidentally. I can't handle talks about Victorian fashion and feminism.
Like who gives a shit, honestly?

Dear Assholes

Dear Annie it is this Friiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaaaay Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight muthafuckas

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and he moved in six months ago. "John" is 25 years older than I am. 

Found the issue.
If I was dating someone 25 years my junior I'd be dating a 1 year old.
Think about it, won't you?

John was forced into retirement last year, and I think he somehow blames me. I work full time, take care of two teenage boys, cook dinner every night, do dishes and laundry, clean the bathrooms, buy the groceries and pay the bills. John sweeps and vacuums and does the yard work, which is a godsend because I have had shoulder issues that make these things difficult for me. 

Sounds like you're just together.
I've learned in life that most people can't choose their significant other with any sort of ability so it sounds like you got off easy.
I don't care about this.

Dear Annie: I recently missed my 10-year high school reunion. I found out it was held in August, and I was never invited because I am not on Facebook.

Good.
Who would want to revisit those jackoffs anyhow?
I don't understand.
Anyone I'd want to see at a high school reunion wouldn't be caught dead at one anyway.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Waiting," who doesn't like it when the bank tellers chitchat with the customers. I enjoy the personal touch and suggest that those who don't use the ATM instead.

As a man who spent the last two days on a quest to get two documents notarized and two envelopes mailed I can tell you that shit gets old fast. I'm not going to point any fingers here but when it's two women doing a transaction you might as well get in the other line even if it's out the door and around the block because that one is going to die down faster.

Dear Annie: My husband and I frequently go out to dinner with several other couples. One of the wives is a vegetarian. That's fine, but she sometimes makes a scene with the server. She argues about the way things are prepared and accuses the waitstaff of lying. 

I've been watching a lot of Kitchen Nightmares lately and I've learned a lot about cooking and how to run a restaurant and I can tell you she's probably right but because she's acting like a cunt she should probably be thrown out.

Dear Annie: In 1988, I had a wife and three beautiful children. Then my wife decided to be "liberated." She wanted to spread her wings and be independent. She engaged me in a particularly acrimonious divorce and lived on child and spousal support until she discovered that being independent was not working for her. She remarried and moved my children hundreds of miles away, effectively excising them from my life, even though she admits I was a great father. Needless to say, I harbor considerable animosity toward her.

As well you should.
I mean goddamn.

I've since remarried a wonderful woman. My children are grown and starting their own families. I recognize that I must endure the unpleasantness of having to see my ex at my children's weddings, etc., but I never expected that my brother and sister would invite my ex to their own children's weddings and other family functions.

I feel that because my ex divorced me, she is no longer a part of my family and should not be invited to attend family gatherings

That's a tough one because she's your children's mother--
I dunno man.
Look I know this won't help you too much but as I've advocated numerous times I think it is clear where you made your mistake.

I have made this point very clear to my siblings, along with the fact that seeing my ex causes me significant pain. Further, my new wife feels she's being upstaged by my ex at these events. Yet, my siblings insist on including this woman.
Is it unrealistic for me to believe that when my ex divorced me, she also divorced my family? Am I expecting too much to ask that my siblings not embrace the woman who devastated my life? — Divorced in Oregon 

You know maybe it's a good thing. I personally believe you can't come out on top without facing a lot of misery in your life.
Look at Caesar during his Gallic years.
That must have been a shit time. On campaign all the time in barbaric France/Germany/Spain kinda area we're not really sure what that is and then he decides maybe he could do better by conquering all of Rome and liberating it from the corrupt senate and so he did.
Then he got stabbed a few times on March 15, 44 BC but let's not talk about that.
Dear Oregon: Sorry to say, but what your siblings do is not something you can dictate. Their children may still consider this woman to be their aunt, and their relationship to her does not include the bitterness and rancor you are hanging onto.
Please let it go. Allowing your ex to rattle you after all these years gives her power over you. You don't have to enjoy her company, but you can work on making her presence insignificant.
Don't let go of your hate, man.
That's what makes you strong.

Dear Annie: My wife and I recently married. The wedding was in Texas, but most of our family lives elsewhere. Although we were disappointed, we understood that many folks would be unable to attend due to the travel and hotel costs.
Here's the problem. Not one of these relatives sent so much as a card, let alone a gift.

No one cares two people got married. They'll probably be divorced in 6 months anyway.
Don't use your wedding as an excuse to jerk yourself off, throw a big party and treat it like a fundraiser.
Maybe treat it like exactly what it is.
A legally binding contract.
Only when you are adult enough to acknowledge this reality then you can get married.
I'd have a quiz before a wedding. "Why are you getting married?"
"To express our love for each other!"
"Oh shit better luck next time, kids. Time to pack this tent up."

In the past few years, we have attended several family events and always gave gifts.

 "A gift or a present is an object given without the expectation of payment."
Says Wikipedia.
Now we all know reciprocity with presents is the polite thing to do but most people can't disgorge their heads from their ass long enough to do anything about this.

Dear Confused: Many people feel that if they did not attend the event, they do not need to send a gift, although a card with good wishes is always proper. But please do not treat your wedding as a fundraiser. While a gift is welcome and appropriate, it should not be the point of the invitation. And gifts may still be forthcoming. We hope they will extend their good wishes, but you cannot demand that they do so.  

Thank you, Annie, but I got this one.

My supervisor rarely states his desires clearly. But if I take the initiative or ask him to clarify, he makes me feel like an idiot. He is condescending and highly critical of most people. He also is a nonstop gossip. He has portrayed me to others as racist, womanizing and incompetent. 

Who hasn't been depicted as these things?
I'm dead serious.
They're easy things to push.
Also just do this to him.
How many places with a notary public should a man have to go to before he can get two documents notarized?
I'd think one.
The answer, of course, was seven.
Thank you, NC, for your remarkable efficiency.
No wonder this state is shit for the birds.
Can't even get a semi-literate cretin to stamp a paper.

Dear Annie: Why do people make a big deal out of men who are crossdressers?
I am 43 years old, happily married and not gay. I'm a businessman, and I wear lacy lingerie with breast forms under my suits every day.

Holy shit dude
What the fuck
Suddenly I see why I'm doing so well on Wallstreet Magnate. This is what I'm competing against. I'm sitting in my underwear, miserable and eating Cap'n Crunch competing with this guy who has given up on life.
How can you make the trades if you have frilly panties on?
I'm so filled with hate when I click buy I can barely see.
YEAH
CHINA MOBILE.
THE HATE HAS SEEN IT.

My beautiful wife of 20 years thinks I look hot in lingerie. When we go out to fancy restaurants, I dress up as a woman. I'm very passable, and our four teenage daughters are OK with it.  

BRO.
CHINA MOBILE.
CHINA MOBILE IS GOING TO CUT A DEAL WITH APPLE. GET ON THIS TRAIN NOW.
Nope can't be a businessman because he's too busy going to dinner in a dress.
Give me your money. I can do more with it than you can.

There are straight women who wear men's clothing, and I never hear anything negative about them.

Yeah there are. They know what it means to be in business.
Here let's do a little thought experiment.
You need to conduct business/buy stocks/sell shit/whatever this man does.
Who do would you trust more to give reliable advice?

Or:

 Go on. Think about it.

Dear Happy: Women who wear men's clothing generally do so because it is more comfortable. Men who wear women's clothing, which is decidedly less comfortable, often do so because it gives them a sexual thrill or satisfies some emotional need. (Some women dress like men for the same reasons.) The important thing is that your wife and daughters are OK with it. No one else's opinion matters.

If you haven't seen the show Profit (which is the top image) you really should because it's 5/5 bretty good :DDDDDD
Jesus Christ.
Well so ends another session of assholes with problems.
Song of the now?

Signal Boost

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Praise Russia

So for a long time I've let this phenomenon go unnoticed. With no thanks these selfless knights of the internet admirably perform this duty tirelessly.
Russian blogs on Dreamwidth are mostly just pictures of tits.
Anyway:
develish1 provided the following reason why this journal should be viewed with discretion: Some of the content here may contain swear words, discussions of, or videos featuring, adult situations, and occasionally adult images which should only be viewed by those over 18.
It is worth noting this is not a Russian tit blog.
Unfortunately.
I haven't read any of it but already I don't like the cut of its jib.
I mean the Russian guy had no warning and whamo, tits.
This fuck gives a paragraph warning before she whines about the new Yahoo Mail.
Who the fuck uses Yahoo Mail in 2013 besides me?
Get a Google Mail.

 Yes we're still in London, and no I still don't have any pics to hand...

Today I awoke to raging toothache again, but given hubby is suffering with his back I was in good company. Since we had plans to meet people today though, we were both determined not to let it stop us and headed off into the city...

We met up with two more of my lj friends today, in the Embankment Gardens, serenityslady who is over from the US and who I'd never met before, and bas_math_girl who is a fellow Brit who we met for the first time a little over two years ago.

WAAAAAARNIIIIIIIIING
SWEAR WORDS
This blog is literally nothing but warnings, whining about bullshit and pictures of David Tenant.
QUICK! Am I talking about this blog or every single blog I've ever fucking reviewed?
"Reviewed"?
Remember when I first started this and I gave actual advice on how not to be shit?

Life is annoying, and confusing....

First the annoying bit;

I still have toothache.

OH SHIT.
SO GLAD I WAS WARNED ABOUT THIS.
TRIGGER WARNING: TOOTHACHE.

Apparently I've discovered a new pet hate tonight, one I've thankfully avoided for the most part, until now it seems....

But I swear...............if I EVER see another instance of this;

"Who would of ever thought?"

when what they actually mean is this;

"Who would HAVE ever thought?"

I may well scream!! Loudly and repeatedly.

Seriously people, I know spoken English is pretty lax these days in many cases, especially among the young (and goddess doesn't that make me sound old) but if you said that to my face I'd still want to correct you, so I sure as hell don't want to see it when I'm trying to lose myself in a fic!

Ok where to start?
Let's start with "spoken English is lax" when "would've" versus "would of" would be largely pronounced the same.
Second who the fuck says "goddess knows"? Like who are you to judge with that level of affectation?

I'm in what I'm told I should call my mid-late 40's.

You're almost 50 goddamn years old and you write fanfiction and are a fangirl for Dr. Who.I don't think you have the right to be casting stones.

Back when I was at school we were still taught English in a way that emphasised correct grammar, sentence construction, and punctuation above all else. I still use an Oxford comma and I'm PROUD of that, no matter what current trends seem to lean towards.

Emphasized*

This fic is definitely not that. There's a lovely slow build to things, with a subtle seduction built in, and yes it's hot, but it's not overly graphic, and is in fact more realistic than most. It still had me reaching for my fan of course, or I wouldn't be singing it's praises. 

WOULDN'T BE SINGING
IT
IS PRAISES.

I've worked for several very large companies over the years, in retail and utilities, so I should be used to this level if corporate idiocy by now, but sometimes they can still amaze me, in all the wrong ways.

Before I start I should probably say that I don't even pretend to understand all the finer points of banking in general, or the legislation surrounding it. This is simply a gut reaction from someone with their own financial problems who is amazed at what she sees....

oh shit
incoming news: banks are corrupt!

Almost every UK bank has received "bail out" money in the last few years, millions and millions of pounds of tax payer's cash diverted their way to help them stay afloat, mainly because if we lose too many of them our whole economy will fall with them.

Ah you are British.
I thought that was an affectation like everything else about you.
In that case I take back correcting "emphasised".
Your grammar is still shit, though.
She never actually gets to the fucking point about what pisses her off about banks.
Lots of shit with sending cards--
How's this?
They steal your money.
There.
Fuck this blog is boring.
I'm going.
Also I forgot last time but the song of the now is this.

Yeah I knew

Anonymous said...
I just got done fucking a broad like six months who is like 95% this bitch. Didn't know how deep the rabbit hole was, but should have known I wouldn't like. Hindsight's 20/20, and we're not made of stone (though sometimes I wish it so).

Maybe I oughta read this blog before I get shacked up with terrible broads. Hell, you saved my ass once before.

Cheers!

-A Fan

Yeah you're welcome.
Saving one poor soul at a time. 
Remember: no mercy for the misguided.

 just before I forget that I actually had an idea haha

okay so, Irrbloss has always been a standalone character, but the idea is that he's the embodiment/maker/representation of will-o-wisps, so what if I did more things like that?
I mean irro is and will forever be my baby but amorabosk could be something like the embodiment/maker/representation of forests?

I mean hell I could do that with everything, mist and water and earth and moss
it could be pretty cool.

like, back in the old ancient times, they were all like little gods that helped shape the environment together, but as more and more things grew and became independent and intelligent they've become forgotten and scarce? but they're all still there, more or less. just the world is bigger now so they're disappearing into it.

like, they're the ~old ones~. and the flowers and birds and animals are all the young ones.

Sounds gay and stupid
Also like a knock off of Ents.
Seriously that sounds fucking stupid. Whenever you have to put an idea in writing and say "gee is this a good idea?" It really sounds like you're trying to convince yourself.

Could use a hug. Never intended for this journal to be my [personal/rant/mute] space, but it became that, so that's what I'm gonna use it for.

Alice taken to the emergency.
I texted mom asking if she was gonna watch Sherlock, and she called me saying "No, we're not watching Sherlock, we have to take Alice to the hospital, she's coughing blood", and I said "Then why aren't you already", and she said "We're going to, bye" and I said "Bye".

And then I watched Sherlock.

It's the Reichenbrach episode.

COLD AS ICE.
Also you could use a hug?
Not Alice who is vomiting blood?
I hope Alice is like a cat or something because if not your reaction is remarkably callous.
That's coming from me, who routinely tells people to kill themselves and is only mostly joking.
My sister may be dying of internal hemorrhage but RERUN OF SHERLOCK, WHAT?
I watched an episode of that show, incidentally.
I enjoyed it but it was way too long. Hour and a half an episode.
Granted each season is 3 episodes but I dunno. It didn't feel like I was watching a movie. It just felt like an hour show padded out an extra half hour.
And this is British television, too, so each 90 minute episode is like 88 minutes.

Then I texted her, asking what's wrong with her, and I got back, "Really high fever for 2 days... now vomiting blood..."

I haven't texted back.


I'm relieved I'm having a reaction at all. Which is sick.

I'm a fucking soldier.

I guess Alice is a person.
Also you're a soldier?
Not Alice, vomiting blood?
Ice cold, lady.
Ice.

Sometimes I hate my head.

She'll be fine, because that's how it goes. I notice I have a hard time admitting that I'm worried, because I'm not sure how it feels anymore, but I'm pretty sure I am. Same heavy feeling that I vaguely recall from back then.

Worry. worry worry. there are tears.

Alice may be vomiting blood but Christ forbid you're a bit worried about her.
I see the serious issue here.
Also not worried enough to actually visit her in the hospital or even call.
Flowers, maybe?
Nope.

Okay, caught CSI Miami on tv a few hours ago and have spent the last few hours in a kind of nostalgic haze reading fanfics, because that was basically my life when I was fourteen. RPing and CSI and CSI fanfiction. And Wire in the Blood, but no one remembers that show, so that never had any fic and I had no one to talk to it about and it's still really sadmaking because it's one of the best shows out there.

I remember Wire in the Blood.
Never saw it but I remember the commercials and I remember thinking "what the fuck does 'wire in the blood' mean?"
Guess you have to watch the show.
It's an interesting name, though, so I can't call it shit or anything.
It certainly creates an image.

Musing on the whole LJ/DW thing - right now, definitely in favour of moving here. Everything seems friendlier. The staff, the userbase and the site itself from a using standpoint. It's all a-okay to me whereas LJ has made it clear that they're not listening and that the fandom/RP userbase isn't welcome.

I respect Livejournal for taking a stance against this garbage but man, that's a ballsy move.
Remember when the owner of that brand of champagne, Cristal, said he didn't want black people to drink it?
Like damn, that's 95% of your consumer base.

 Anyway, gonna finish fiddling with this later - icons, styles, all of that good stuff. Still have to create a musebox and accounts for Tulio and my Lodge playground, and start importing the old journals at some point.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep watching Lord of the Rings. And sleep a lot. It's good to be back home. c: 

K BOO HIT ME BACK LATER
Like what the fuck?
This isn't an IM. You don't have to tell me what you'll be doing.
Anyway fuck it made it to the first entry.
I've been having a run of these lately.
They're really douchey but really new.
I guess most people jump ship to Dreamwidth, last about a week then say "nope not losing all my shitty RP posts from Livejournal" and move back to LJ or quit.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THERE ARE NO MORE SHITTY BLOGS TO REVIEW?

All who love life fear the reaper

Wahms being wahms
my generation's response to rage

is the title of this first entry.

The response is to whine about it on tumblr, incidentally.

there were on "street preachers" campus today. lunatics with signs (one of them was wearing a sandwich board, which I thought was adorable as I didn't know people actually did that) explaining our sins to us. Included such gems as "girls who aren't virgins deserve to be raped", "women should belong to a man", and "aids is god's punishment for gays." 

Sounds like a cool dude to me.

I held a sign that said "yay for gay" for a while. People cheered for his "testimony" of how he drank and smoked pot in fifth grade, calling him a badass child. apparently later people in blue body suits showed up later. 

later people showed up later.
Also this sounds like the mess that would be in my way when I was trying to walk to class.
Christers being annoying and annoying cunts around them trying to outdo each other being clever.

In the span of about an hour, I just murdered my baking dish and my garbage disposal.

Both of these things are my own fault, thus, "murdered".

I had a glass baking dish. Normally I know better to put it in cold water just after it came out of the oven. Tonight....Physics happened.

It exploded.

I cleaned it up as best I could, but wasn't sure what to do about the bits that had fallen down into the disposal. Figured, "what's the worst that can happen?" and flipped it on. 

>putting glass through the garbage disposal
WHY DID IT BREAK? ;_;

I just worked night shifts for like two weeks and haven't had time to turn on compy.

I'm a bit of a corpse, but only a little bit. I have been playing Megaman: Star Force, which is a very silly series of games but fun and I may or may not have scribbled bits of fic.

I had to listen to these two girls talk about Star Trek fanfiction today--
it was pretty dire.

New pokemon info is out! You can play as a black person if you want!

Well, light black. Possibly latino/latina. 

Preorder cancelled.

But still! That's way better than the pasty pale history of the game! And being able to chose the character that looks most like you is awesome!


It's a bit overdue. Having the non-white gym leader helped. But being able to *play* as one? That's an entirely different level of multiculturalism, and acknowledging the way both Japan and the world today works.

Better late than never. *squee*

Fucking women are going to ruin Pokemon now, aren't they?
WHY ONLY MALE AND FEMALE AND POKEMON OF INDETERMINATE GENDER?
WHY NOT TWIN SOUL POKEMON?

I got my first calc test back. Class average was 55.

I got 73. 78 with the curve. That is a solid b and I've been squeaking for about three hours. 

>grading on a curve
>78 is a B somehow
WELCOME TO EDUCATION IN AMERICA.
Here was me when I heard "grading on a curve"
One time I go a 117% on a test that was graded on a curve.
Small class, too, so after I dropped everyone else a letter grade I moon walked the fuck out.
In fact if a class was graded on a curve I'd work extra hard to ensure the highest grade was me and it was a 100% or better.
Fuck everyone not me.

Pick a trope from this list and provide a fandom/pairing and I’ll tell you something about the story I’d write for that combination (i.e. write a snippet from the story or write not!fic or tell you the title and summary for the story I would write)

WOW WHO CARES?

so. a thing. because i have a day off for the first time in a week and a half.

give me a character and i'll give you headcanon. sound good? 

20 comments.

so I have an interview tomorrow
for mcdonalds, but still. employment
will obviously tell you how it goes, and wish me luck!

...eeeeeeeeeeeeee

Fucking service jobs.
Bet it's SHIT.

Fuck, you have no idea how tired I am.

I'm sure I do.
Anyway I've run out of shit to say about this garbo.
Fuck.

Y-You too

I got a comment yesterday and I'm struggling to figure out what the fuck.
Did Dreamwidth become self aware?
Did someone who writes a blog I've reviewed stumble on this blog?
Is this the big time?
I don't know let's read this shit.

So I'm trying to write this funny piece called "How 2 Rite Gud", which would be (in my brain) a mocking piece about how writers get good at writing.

Things like "Don't have friends" and "Be awkward" and "Loathe normal human interaction" and "Write so obsessively that you don't have the energy for anything else."

But it's been done a million times before and I'm having trouble making it sound original. Or making it sound funny without being just sardonic. (Is that the word I'm looking for???)

HOW DO I BE FUNNY, INTERNET?
I READ A THOUSAND DR. WHO/SHERLOCK CROSSOVER FANFICS AND I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT :_;

As I told Pat, it really sucks when what I want to say has been said a million times by people way smarter and funnier than me.

It's a subject I want to talk about, though. Being as I am in an Intro to Writing class, I get a lot of praise for my writing. (My teacher wants me to self-publish, but that's actually a whole SUPER BRAIN MELTY RANTY NOT WHEEE inducing thing for another post.) And a couple of them have asked me how I got so good at it.

I joke and say "I don't have a life. All I do is write and read." And that's largely true. Now I don't particularly WANT a "life" or at least the kind of life I want is....well, I don't know what I want. But something not particularly social.

I did tell them "practice." Lots and lots of practice. I've spent at least an hour everyday for the last 20 years writing.

Step 1: be older than 20.

That's a lot of hours. So I got better just by freaking doing it.

(That's the way people get good at anything, right?)

Real life is a lot like MMOs. Just pure grind.
If you can find the writing equivalent to killing vermin you'll be in your end game gear in no time.

So it's a really nice compliment when people say I have a talent. And I do write WELL, at least in the TYPES of writing I do. 

Why is compliment in italics?
I'm not even being a dick about this, either. I'm genuinely trying to figure out why you'd want to stress that word.
Say that out loud. It just makes you sound whiny.

Last night David and I got into the most ridiculous argument we've had yet. We argued about the definition of protagonist. For hours. It was very silly.

If only there was a device connected to a network of information that could maybe provide the definition of words.
Also maybe if the word broke down into old Greek words that had direct meanings.
Like I dunno maybe Protos and agonistes?
agonistes, meaning actor, and protos, meaning first in importance?
So the main fucking character?
Those words have accents on them, incidentally, but fuck that noise.

It started with my disparaging remark about the Final Fantasy series not having a female protagonist. (At least the main series.) David replied that since one can switch party members to sometimes move and control a female character that Final Fantasy 12 did, indeed, have one. 

Yeah you're right.
Final Fantasy has never had a female protagonist.
Not one. 
I'm not counting FF13 because that game doesn't exist.
FF6 had two so what the fuck do you want?
And I'm sure you're about to argue that was actually Locke's story but fuck you that's not true and you are provably wrong if you think it.

I argued that simply because one can play a female (and in the case of FF12, only peripherally) does not mean she's the main character.

He agreed that video games need stronger female characters and more female main characters. He just said that the Final Fantasy series were not one of them.

In the case of FF12, the main conflict that needs resolving is restoring a lost princess to the throne. But stories that hinge on the plight of a woman - as many video games and most of the FF series does - does not a female protagonist make. It simply makes them the conflict in which the male characters solve.  

"Terra was exactly what a maturing Final Fantasy series needed: a three-dimensional protagonist who is not a natural-born leader, but rather acquires compassion, focus and a genuine desire to make the world a better place as the game progresses."
Oh shit I'm sorry just reading words about stuff.

In the case of FF12, the main conflict that needs resolving is restoring a lost princess to the throne. But stories that hinge on the plight of a woman - as many video games and most of the FF series does - does not a female protagonist make. It simply makes them the conflict in which the male characters solve.

We argued about ensemble casts. We argued about whether or not large parties involve a protagonist at all. We argued about whether or not Luke was the protagonist in Star Wars, for Christ's sake. (He is and I was astounded that anyone would say differently.) We argued and argued and argued until finally both of us, irritated to no end, said "I'm tired of this. Let's talk about something else."

Well if you include the prequels as Star Wars (I don't but most people acknowledge they exist) then the protagonist of the 6 Star Wars movies is Darth Vader.
Which creates narrative issues all its own but whatever.
I mean Luke Skywalker wasn't even in the first two prequels and he's a baby in 3.
He's like a dumbass kid in 4 who doesn't even do anything--
Obiwan is the one who battles Vader in 4 and rescues the Princess, really.
Luke is the hero in the last two.
He is the protagonist in the original three movies but if we're taking the six as a continuous narrative then he's only a serious player in two of them.
Anakin is a kid in the first prequel so--
really the first movie doesn't have a protagonist because the writing sucks too hard.
Look Star Wars is a really bad example.
My point is Terra and Celes are the protagonists of Final Fantasy 6 and Lightning is the protagonist of Final Fantasy 13 and you're a dumb bitch who doesn't know shit about video games.

I played through the scene that I'd been putting off in ME3, where one of the characters die. I'd thought it was a fixed point in time. Turns out, with some fancy footwork in the second game and being a complete, soulless bastard in the third game, you can have that character live. Others have to die, though.

No one cares about Mass Effect.

Everytime I go back far enough into my tags, I'm amazed at how I thought I knew things. I'm amazed at how much shit I thought I'd figured out. I totally hadn't. I hadn't and I didn't figure that out until just the last few years.

Now she's an expert and so worldly.
And an expert writer.
Who doesn't know "every time" is two words.
Maybe I'm being unfair and that's a typo.

Arrrgh. I just recognized a tense disagreement (like, time tenses) in my paper. The paper I JUST submitted to the teacher and cannot take back.

MASTER WRITER WHO SHOULD PUBLISH
CAN'T GET HER TENSES DOWN.
I know a lot of writers aren't grammarians and let the story go and have someone punch it up but I really don't get that.
This shit isn't open to debate. Grammar isn't the story. It's just the tool to tell the story. Get it right for fuck's sake.

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to convey my stay at Desert Hills as a fucked up, mental-loonball teenager using cutesy kid pictures (since that's about all they have.)

Since she'd given us free reign to use as many paragraphs as we wanted, I wound up with 1 and 1/3 pages. (Double spaced.) I originally had 4 pages. (Double spaced.)

That much revision makes me weep. Okay, I don't actually cry, but being a journaler, it sucks in a big way to have to cut out so much description. I like describing things. It just feels and sounds right. And as a writer you rely on things sounding right. It's part of flow. It's part of developing and trusting your own writing voice.

Too bad you're just fucking jerking off.
Learn what vision means, Jesus.

It's just not that great for academia. (Which wants you to sound rote and mechanical because HELLO, smart people aren't all like "let's write human feeling stuff!)

Seriously, I just get so annoyed. My decades of writing experience turns out to be a disadvantage. It ACTUALLY, TOTALLY GETS IN THE WAY.

What the fuck did you expect?
Did your writing professor ever publish a book anyone has read?
Get your teaching license, be miserable, feed off the experience and then write.
This isn't rocket science.

The problem is how much detail to use. I mean, if I really wanted to, I could convey the entire paper in three sentences. "I experienced the hell that is physical restraint while in the juvenile system. For lots of kids that prompts PTSD flashbacks. You can sometimes avoid that if you learn the patients history."

But that's not enough detail. So I go in and add more and it's usually too much and so I have to cut some out. And then some of the other descriptions don't make any sense so I have to reword them. It's like "Can't I just write a story? Like, a REAL REAL story????"

Balancing acts suuuuuck.

Show, don't tell.
I mean seriously this is shit I tell 9th grade babies in creative writing classes.
Are you sure you're a master writer?
The reason high school kids are great to explain this shit to as opposed to cunts like you is if I said any of this shit you'd be offended but when a high school kid says "why do my characters seem so shit?" I can honestly tell them it's because they're 15 and they probably (hopefully) don't have a well rounded life experience yet and if they keep at it they'll get better but it's important to not be too discouraged now.
And they need to focus on that, really. Focus on being frustrated and impatient because you're 15. That's an emotion you'll convey later in life too and if you focus it now you can do it successfully in the future.

We did go over commas yesterday. I needed that. I feel as if I have a better grasp of where and when they need to be applied.

Well don't read my blog because I never use commas correctly.
I think you'll see I never have one misplaced, though. I just often omit them when they are needed.
Motherfuckers mess commas up a lot. If the dependent clause is first you need that shit. If the independent is first you can tell that comma to fuck off.
Also schools like to jerk off about conjunctions and commas but usually also unnecessary. If it's a long coordinating clause you need it but if the dependent clause is really short you just look like an asshole.
I think you find that's where this blog stretches the lack of a comma.

The class writing prompt today was "Tell me about a time when you solved a problem at work by yourself."

Motherfucker thought it'd be funny to blow my mining barge up in EVE Online.
He won't be making that mistake again.

David wants me to go with him while he sits his sister and her husband down to discuss the shambles of their marriage and how to properly communicate. Against all better judgement, I said I'd go.

This is going to turn out so badly. I am telling him this. I am telling him all the ways it will go badly. We are not marriage counselers. . But what the hell, it's at least going to be a spectacular train wreck.

I might not go. Probably wont, since it would be a mess. 

So you have the opportunity to observe human misery of that magnitude first hand and you're choosing not to?
This is why you will always be an awful writer.
All of the best creators tend not to be happy people.
I wouldn't describe them as all miserable but they're not happy-go-lucky, usually.
Why?
Because they know something that haunts them.
It could be anything, really. Something they saw and wish they hadn't but more generally I think it is the subtle and nagging perception that the creator is different from the people around him or that the world is off in some indescribable way.
Usually both.
And it is, like the movie The Matrix says, like a splinter in your brain that you cannot remove that drives you mad.
It's statements like that that make good writing. It's statements like that you can't just learn how to make. You have to experience shit to know what that's like to even think it.
 Anyway fuck blogs.

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

About Little Ol' Me
I'm married to a wonderful man (known by his online handle of Kalamain to most people) and we have the most beautiful daughter, who is now 14 years old and as much of a geek as we are (she goes by her own online handle of Jenaa). I'm 37 years old, although I have a tendency to act as though I'm still in my 20s,

Wow a woman acting well under her age?
What a change up for Dreamwidth!
This clearly needs a warning that I might be jackhammered with content not appropriate for me!

Writing
I have delusions of one day becoming a published and paid author, but I know it's probably a pipe dream. I've discovered that I enjoy writing short stories a lot more than I like writing novels, so for now at least, I'm concentrating on those, and hoping to get one or two published in magazines. I'm also interested in writing for children/young adults, and I'm looking at comic books as a medium too. I also write fanfic and will never hear a negative word said about the art form. 

Whoa.
She reads mostly comics and books intended for 12 year old girls and writes fanfiction and one day hopes to write her own Harry Potter knock off?
Get the fuck out immediately!

Fandom
I am a multi-fandom multi-shipper who dabbles in at least a dozen fandoms at any one time. I have 'ships that contradict other 'ships, and have a specific love for friendship-ships, as opposed to romantic-ships. I read/write gen, het, slash and femslash and love a ridiculous number of tropes. You can read a full list of the ones I love at this post.

LET'S READ, FRIENDS.
On second thought let's not because it's really boring.
Here's a post about Pacific Rim--
I wish women would shut up about that hack movie--
Hockey post, hockey post, hockey post, Pacific Rim post, hockey post, Pacific Rim--
Jesus Christ, woman.
Jesus Christ me. What the fuck was I thinking picking this blog?

And this amused me all afternoon at work:

Give me three characters and I'll tell you which I'd snog, marry or throw off a cliff!

Snog?
Are you fucking 14?

...so I'm in need to happifying.

Comment here and tell me about something you love.

Fannish. Non-fannish. TV show. Book. Colour. A tree down your street. A picture of a kitten you found on Tumblr. Your children. Your other half. Your parents.

Feel free to ramble and to squee and to infect me with your happy.

Please.

Plz
Plz respond
she got a lot of comments, too, which kind of pisses me off.

 Happy International Women's Day!

In honour, as I did last year, I'm offering drabbles.

Give me a woman and a single word prompt and I'll give you a ficlet/drabble.

International Women's Day?
International women is something I'd like to celebrate but I doubt that's what they meant.

In my "I don't wanna work, I wanna procrastinate" afternoon at work today, I wrote a 500 word prologue to a story that I don't know if I'm going to write. It's basically for a zombie apocalypse universe, and details how the virus took a hold, and what it does.

I'm considering opening it up as a fic challenge/group writing/shared universe idea.

Continuing with your theme of "I can't have a thought not somehow tied to recent pop culture": a movie about zombies!
WACKY HIJINKS!

A lot of us are doing various writing challenges at the moment and may be struggling or starting to doubt our own abilities.

I, however, have faith that we're all fantastic writers.

So, whether you're doing NaNo, mini-NaNo, preparing for Yuletide, taking part in any other writing challenge, or just need a quick boost, this is the place for you.

Link me to the piece of writing you've done that you're most proud of. The fic that you love, despite it's tiny fandom. The story of your own that you re-read with a smile on your face. The words that remind you that you're a writer. That. Comment here and tell us all!

No thanks.
I'm playing the stock market game again and I bought stock in Huaneng Power International.
How the fuck does a power company in China lose money?
This is almost as stupid as the time I bought into a coking (read: coal refining) company in China and it lost for a solid 9 hours before returning huge.
What the shit is with this stock market?

Wow, good going there LiveJournal. You've pretty much managed to piss off every single one of your remaining users!

For those who don't know, LJ have decided to force a new style "feed" instead of the customized friends pages, that resembles Tumblr's dashboard. But is a lot less user friendly, and is a lot more uncomfortable to look at. And apparently is causing migraines all over the place. I only looked at the new layout for about 30 seconds before deciding it was hiddeous.

So far, LJ do not appear to be offering an opt-out on this new "fix".

*slow clap*

I still have a few important friends on LJ who haven't/won't come over here, and they are the only reason I even still have my account.

But I won't be using LJ much more, I don't think. Might just turn off comments over there again and start herding people this way. The less I have to deal with that site, the better....

Livejournal got so bad even a troll like me jumped ship.
You know you have problems then.
Also bang up job on the emotes, there. That was the one annoying twat thing you weren't doing.

Yesterday, I was bemoaning the fact that I couldn't come up with the crime aspect of an original story I was working on. I have most of the characters sorted out, and some nice character sub-plots, but the main crime plot just wasn't coming together.

She reminded me, in a nice way, that I suck at plot, but I'm good with characters. So maybe I should try working backwards from the antagonist.

>Suck at plot
>most of the best crime stories the crime is a macguffin to drive the characters along
somehow I doubt you're good at characters, either.
Quick, pop quiz: name one crime movie where the crime was the interesting part!
Also please don't confuse "crime movie" with "mystery movie" because they are different.
Come the fuck on Huaneng Power.

I know that several people on my flist suffer with migraines - myself included.

However, I was wondering if any of you get aura symptoms before the onset of one? You know, lights or sounds or smells that aren't really there? I believe it can also happen before stress and anxiety attacks, and is common before epileptic fits.

I'm working on some original writing where my main character sees auras around people, although it's not medically caused in this case, and I'm interested in talking to anyone who might have experienced anything like this first hand.

Yeah I could write you an entire page and a half on that but nope.
That'd really just fuck your story up because there'd suddenly be a paragraph of awesome description written by me.
Also we're not friends.
... Not sure why I felt the need to qualify that.
Clearly we're not friends.

Today, my beautiful daughter turns 13 years old.

This is both terrifying and amazing.

I certainly don't feel old enough to be the parent of a teenager.

There's a disturbing thought.
You reproducing.

A question for those of you who write short stories (original fic, mainly, but I guess the same question stands for fanfic):

When you first come up with an idea, do you think of an actual plot, or just a scenario? And if the latter, how do you convert it to a plot?

Okay, that was two questions, but I'm not apologising :)

You think of the message you want to convey and work backwards into a plot.
Think of 1984. It probably didn't start with "dude decides to write a journal despite it being illegal" it probably started with "why the future is going to be fucking gay."
Or Warhammer. It probably didn't start with "The Imperium of man is fucking kick ass" it probably started with "what setting would make a cool game?"

I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!

You may, or may not, recall how miserable my current job has been making me. I'm bored (which is a dangerous state for me to be in), under-appreciated and just generally pissed off with the whole place. I actually ran an experiment a week or so ago to see how many conversations I would have with people in my office if I didn't start them. The answer was one. In two days.

So I've been looking for jobs, but not too hard. After all, I know there's a shortage of jobs out there and I didn't want to piss off my current place too much by going to lots of interviews etc.

But then something came up that was perfect.

Two days and one conversation?
That sounds perfect.
Awww yeah gimme that money, Direxion Bear Share.
Betting against the developed world is a smart gamble in 2013.

Today's curiosity question is about Steampunk.

I have a basic understanding of the genre, but I don't know nearly as much as I'd like to. I'm pretty sure that some of you in my circle are into all things Steampunk, so I invite you to tell me about it. What books/films would you recommend? Why is costuming so popular? What misconceptions are there about Steampunk in the popular media?

Steampunk is for homosexuals and women who can't handle the one true scifi subgenre of cyberpunk.
I am currently overlooking the fact William Gibson himself wrote a steampunk story.
It was 1990 and no one knew better and even then he couldn't fully commit alone. He needed Bruce Sterling to help and so I consider it mostly a Bruce Sterling failure.
A ton of posts whining about how hot some guys are--
Moot postings, really, because the hottest person alive is Lee Hyori and if you disagree you are provably wrong.
Here's a picture that may have been specially hand picked to be especially flattering to prove how right I am always.
Here's another one in case you weren't convinced the first time.
The fact there are blogs dedicated to moaning about how hot Emma Watson is but not Lee Hyori proves how incompetent my fellow man is.
Have you seen Emma Watson? She has the face of of Richard Dawkins.
I mean I guess if you're into that then whatever.
Oh man last Friday's slaughter is salvaged by Direxion Bear Shares.
Go suck a fat one Standard and Poor's because I got 1350 shares of Direxion to shove down your cakehole.
Fuck the stock market holy shit.
How can you gamble against the market to make money?
How is that an action you can do to make money?
Like I understand the principle of what I'm doing but I still don't understand how that's even a thing.
Anyway back to the matter at hand.
Fucking stocks and bonds. No one comes here for that garbage.
I don't know why people come here, actually.
I understand reading my thoughts is probably the highlight of your life but you have to read a bunch of cunts whining to get to it.
Jesus Christ I'm going.
Fuck Dreamwidth
fuck the internet
fuck this gay earth