Based Korea

North Korea is best Korea.

i sleep in the most distorted positions and wake up to confused stares too fucking often. last night i fell asleep on my stomach with my right leg completely tucked under my body and my left leg normally and somehow didn't wake up a paraplegic. 

Do a lot of people watch you sleep or something?
How do you wake up to confused stares (plural)?
OOOR ARE YOU SOME KINDA FUCKING WHOOOORE

i regret plenty of things, i'm grateful that none of them involve other people. jesus christ, the last thing i need on my conscience is to owe anyone anything, especially something as essentially meaningless as an apology. i have already apologized to everyone for everything. sometimes rebounds happen before the relationship is over, i should know this better than anyone. (those two statements are not related.) i'm actually not in love with myself, despite what everyone else thinks. 

So you just act like a cunt, you're not actually a cunt?
That's some Zen logic I guess.
Zen logic in reverse. Jesus Christ.

i miss you, but not like everyone else misses you. - yana (this is the most echoed sentiment in my ears lately.)

my new favorite color is green, my new favorite season is spring. a long time ago it was red and fall. i'm okay with things coming back to life.

i wonder how many car accidents there were today.

Would you believe these disconnected sentences about nothing are in fact the same post and I haven't edited anything?
Also how many car accidents were there today?
One fewer than there needed to be if you're still alive.

the fact that i've seen what staph looks like under a microscope and still have it in me to stick my hand in my mouth, all my face holes inches away from where several other people's asses live, finger fuck the flap of skin at the back of my throat until i have nothing left in my stomach either says so much about one thing or so little about another.

ANOREXIA/BULIMIA BLOG ALERT!
I didn't know otherwise I would have not read this.
Fuck it I'm going in!

there's something sick and sad about someone who has spent the majority of your time together taking you for granted saying to you one day 'you deserve better'

ha ha ha
ha

no, really. i appreciate the sentiment but coming from someone with such little regard for my feelings it means almost nothing.

there's something fucked up about the man who cheated on me asking me why i'm angry and then when my answer is 'because you made poor choices' he feels "bashed". he keeps telling me it's the way you're saying it. and admittedly i have been trying to tiptoe around his feelings, cry more quietly, feel more softly. because i love him and always will despite this. i may not be in love with him anymore but i will always love him.

but then today i thought. holy shit, you cheated on me! why is how my pain makes you feel the most urgent issue here?

piece of shit, all of them

"I make shitty life decisions and date assholes"
"all men are therefore assholes"
White wahms

when he first broke the news i sat in bed, rocking myself back and forth crying and involuntarily repeating the words oh man. in the days following, i broke down in tears over a peanut butter sandwich, in the bathroom taking a piss, staring at myself in the mirror, numerous times in bed and in showers, driving to and from work, tying my shoes, grocery shopping, walking to my car from my car.

"Walking to my car from my car"
Errr--

i didn't immediately leave and then i did and he said, 'i will fix this, i will fix it, i will be the best man that i can to you for the rest of your life because you deserve it', and i thought about it, and about why it hit so hard. then i remembered a similar jarring realization i'd had about 5 years ago regarding my parents, and the fact that even though i had spent so many years looking to them for truth and guidance and love, they are not infallible mutants. they're human with human wants and selfish needs, he too is human. i put all of my faith in his perfection that did not exist.

so i says to him, i says: i love you so much and i forgive you. neither one of those things means i am coming back.

UHHHHHHHH

i danced today and rediscovered some of my favorite music. i shaved my legs for the first time this year last night, climbed into clean sheets, pulled the curtains open, listened to the cars drive on wet pavement and watched the sky turn from grey to black to pink. i woke up this morning still feeling good. i masturbated and did not cry. 

>Shaved my legs for the first time this year
>post made: March 28
I'm not excusing his shitty behavior but I think I see why he's cheating.
Make
an
effort

merry christmas. i fucking hate myself.

I hate you too.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FUTURE.

6AM narcissism and mania is the best tasting thing in the world next to the blood in my mouth from chewing my face. after being the best daughter ever and eating all the mashed potatoes in the world, the whole thing, I came back to my apartment so I could be naked everywhere. i lie on the couch naked, eat my fingernails naked, fold the laundry naked, watch the Dow plummet naked. I wish it was December so I could sit on my boyfriend's face and contemplate things like genetic algorithms while concentrating on his muffled sighs and imagining the way I'll sign my name after we're married.

Lol so deep and poetic
Protip: he's cheating on you.

Also the fact you "wished it was December" so he'd dig out your blood-streaked spam sandwich with his tongue tells me it's a long distance relationship and as we all know those are doomed to failure.
my internal thoughts never leave the confines of my interior mind or any part of me, and the only parts of me that exist outside of myself are content, lost in the woods and staring at stars. i am concerned with little else. i'm proud of myself, everyone else is too.

I'm not proud of you in the slightest.
In fact, after getting up at 11, gawking at my Korean visa for a while, then playing video games all day this is probably the single most disappointing aspect of my day. Knowing you have to exist..

three years ago i wasn't eating or talking and my free will to make grown up adult decisions was being threatened by my dad trying to become my legal guardian. as if his authority over my right to do things, had anything at all to do with my mental state or the condition of my psyche.

CLEARLY YOU SHOULDN'T BE MAKING YOUR OWN DECISIONS.
This blog is rapidly updating itself as I read it.
These entries are from 2012 and there are now about 7 more since I started from later dates.
I guess she's porting over from Livejournal or something.
Because, you know, one copy of this brilliance isn't enough. I need it in at least 5 locations.

the 60 degree weather at night has me excited for fall. i bought my huge water bottle two months too late. i'm turning 26 in nine days. i feel completely detached from almost everyone. i'm not sure how i feel about ghosts. sometimes the removal of a part is beneficial to the whole.

Oh huh I'm 26 and I'm going on a great adventure in a month. What's it like knowing your life is a dismal failure?

i've been contemplating suicide lately. in a completely non-dramatic let me just weigh all of the options kind of a way. this october is the worst one in four years. after the ssri's, ambien and benzos i mostly forgot about 2008's october so i can't fairly compare 2012 and 2008. i'm lucid this time around but only until i schedule a doctor's appointment. i don't feel shame in self-sedating when it means that i'll get to emerge in the spring, alive and breathing and at least live long enough to see if this ever gets easier.

that being said, if any of you click the comment link to tell me that yes, things get easier, or to "hang in there" i will delete you. i'm not kidding. obligatory sentiments however well intended only make these instances worse, for the record.

I can't believe anyone cares enough to even comment.
You're a fucking mess and not a fun one either.
You know evolution is just the creature most adapted to its environment. Increasingly, humanity is turning inwards so as humans become more and more connected and social the reality of needing to be socially graceful will be met and therefore I contend drains on the spirit like this need to be selected out of the gene pool.
There's an interesting idea for a story, in fact.
Also this is probably the fastest I've ever reviewed a blog. This is being generated as I review it.
UPDATES MIGHT BE SLOW NOW BUT NOTHING ESCAPES MY SIGHT.

today is the first day this week that my pupils have been dilated past the size of the point of a number two pencil. i'm not as concerned as i should be about all these lateral moves to nowhere or if i'm fulfilling a goal or becoming better or worse every day. the transitioning from warmer months into the colder ones always takes a toll on me. and for some reason i always emerge in the spring less than i was in september.

Hey
I got something to say
it's better to buuuuurn out
than fade away

i know too many people who have too much to say about fucking nothing.

Yeah and I'm reading one of their blogs right now.

i'm listening to john denver, opening windows, cleaning, simplifying my simplicity. i'm making yana write a book with me. i want to buy a telescope and travel to jordan. my favorite sound this week is the phlegm loosening from my chest. i'm writing my brother's senior thesis because i'm bored.


i enjoy spending time with myself more than i used to.

"Oh but," I'm sure she'd argue, "this is just a little bit about nothing."
Yeah well that's a moot argument. When there's something at all about nothing you've wasted my fucking time.
Fuck you.
70% of my time is spent studying in my underwear and drinking alcohol with getting drunk not being the ultimate goal. the other 30 is equally split between thinking about irrelevant bullshit and what i'm going to be for halloween. i feel incredibly mature though. i'm turning 24 in 2 weeks and hitting the 2 year mark with carson, and paying 15k to sit in a class and stare at power points in my designer prescription glasses while i think about fucking my boyfriend. sometimes i think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm having difficulty imagining anyone would put it in her.
Like that is seriously
genuinely flooring me right now.

my life amounts to nothing outside of masturbating, assorted pills, tvland, and shopbop.com. i'm such a selfish piece of shit. i came three times tonight and bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. i fucking love the taste of blood.

Well that's a thing someone wrote and I read.

if you attract people like me, something is wrong with you.

Fortunately I'm sure you'd hate me so I think I'm ok.
Apparently this blog has existed since 2010.
How is it she's posted 123 times today from different dates?
Maybe she's just now making these public.
Well whatever.
No new posts and I'm officially out like shout because fuck this.
Song of the now.

u wnt sum fuk

Gotta TALK ABOUT THE FANDOM TEE HEE I'M A GIRL
Fucking goddamn it

My dashboard currently has its fair share of the movie Les Misérables going around, and it is giving me such torn feelings. I ship Graintaire/Enjolras, because come on, it's so easy to, but I also loathe both characters. They are godawful annoying! (in the book. I haven't seen the movie. Yet?)

Fanfiction about Les Miserables.
All right.
What is there to say about this, really?
I also hate how they've invented a verb: "ship"
I PUT THESE CHARACTERS IN A RELATIONSHIP
SHIP MY OTP I'M A GIRL
You know not to put too fine a point on this shit but when you get men writing you get They Odyssey, Dante's Inferno and Neuromancer.
When you get women writing you get fanfiction, 50 Shades of Gray and Twilight.
Just Saiyan.

If I do keep reading beyond this point, it will probably be out of some bizarre determination not to let the racist asshole control what I do, even if what I'm doing is reading said racist's work.

I did always believe Hussie about wanting the human characters to be 'aracial', since he gave skintones to the characters that were of known race, like the celebrities, and even to the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff characters. It's much more obvious that he was thinking of them as white while writing them, but at least fandom could play around with interpretations and Hussie's occasional obnoxiousness about the whole thing was mostly easy to ignore. But now!

There was a link to a webcomic.
I didn't understand it.
After much research into the matter I've discovered it's related to a webcomic called Homestuck which is some hack bullshit women like to whine about.
Apparently the characters have ambiguous race traits.
Which 1. whoa so creative Judge Dredd did that like 30 fucking years ago
and 2 who gives a fuck? So what if all the characters are white?
That doesn't really
that doesn't make you racist.
I've seen movies where the entire cast was black people. Are they racist for not casting white people?
What about Kung Fu movies? Most of those are Chinese and cast 100% Chinese people.

Why am I even surprised, though, it was obvious he was this kind of edgy white dude since forever. I'm just not used to him being so egregious about the racism. He couldn't just let go of the fact that people want representation, and keep writing the kids as white as he liked? It's not the ideal answer but at least it's one that I was already used to.

Doesn't make him racist
just because every white woman under the age of 30 wants to be filled in all holes with black cock doesn't mean someone is racist for not playing into your bullshit race fantasies.
Remember that book a few months ago that all the social justice warriors were up in arms about?
About that white girl that survived after the Ozone layer went down or some shit?
They were so offended at the racism
"So"
"offended"
and totally weren't turned on.
I'm trying to read this Homestuck thing and I'm just clicking like a madman waiting for the semblance of a plot to emerge.
It's like the world's most tedious point and click adventure game but instead of you doing all the tedium you're watching some asshole fail at it.
Who reads this garbage?

Over the weekend I rewatched Thor, to see how I felt after having fallen for Avengers, and I really enjoyed it. A surprising amount, considering I didn't like it much at all the first time I watched it. This is starting to look like a worrying trend for Marvel flicks. How does one movie fandom, anyway? It has real people in it, who does that! (It's been a long time since Pirates of the Caribbean and I'm out of practice.)

How do you be a fan of a movie?
Here's what you do.
You watch the fucking thing.
End of fucking discussion.

 Wonderful: When people are really glad to see the next part of your ongoing fic. Phew, also thank you deeply.

Problematic: Shit!!! You like the developing plot? There isn't one! They're going to talk and gaze lustfully upon each other for the rest of the story. There's a hug, I mean it's a helluva clinch, but plot...

(There's never a plot. My fics are about people engaging in sufficient dialogue that circumstances are eventually revealed to be sad/romantic/sexy/amusing. I live in fear that someday people will discover this so sshh, it's a secret.)

Lol fanfiction.
Seriously.
People read this shit.
Anyway it's Friday night motherfuckers and I got shit to do.

Oh boy

Some cunt lawyer, ahoy!

Okay, so two pieces of background: I've been playing WoW for a while and Blizzcon was last week. It revealed the expansion, there was Q&A, cosplay and dance contests, and a concert by a band made up of Blizzard employees.

Wow that sounds really boring.

fayoreix2 and I got the pass, so she watched most of it on the computer. 99% of it was good. 

Oh but the 1% was the worst thing ever because someone said something racist/sexist/homophobic and you'll never shut up about it.

The 1% was awful. Apparently, one of the band members is a fan boy for an...um...artist called Corpsegrinder from the band Cannibal Corpse. As you can imagine, he was a classy gentleman and the people who did the show felt that the best way to experience the show was to show a video of Mr. Corpsegrinder expressing his fine opinions on the game, the factions, and the rivalry between the factions. Here's a link to the video they played (warning, extreme profanity and homophobia). 

I watched it--
just some idiot yelling for 8 minutes.
And really you're upset about a man in his 30s who calls himself the Corpsegrinder in a band called Cannibal Corpse. Are you honestly surprised he's an idiot?

Nice non-apology, huh? And they're not even clear if they're apologizing for Alliance bashing or homophobic remarks. And if you read the comments, you'll realize that apparently a lot of people think that this was just a faction bashing issue and a lot of the others seem to think that any homophobic remarks were imagined and people are inflated. One person told Ashley that if she was sensitive enough to be offended, she'd better stay out of the sun.

I skipped Blizzard's response because who gives a shit--
And that's a good point. If you're offended because someone who calls himself the Corpsegrinder (a man in his 30s) calls people in a video game gay it's really time to go outside.

My big frustration tonight, besides the pet store thing, was chocolate. After finding out that a lot of chocolate from the Ivory Coast is harvested by child slaves, I'm switching to fair trade chocolate. Unfortunately, even though Kroger had a few options in its health food section, nothing was Fair Trade. I did a bit of research tonight and found that, despite not being Fair Trade, at least two of the brands carried (Newman's Own and Endangered Species) were apparently slave-free since organic farms have their own certification processes that include labor. So, turns out I can keep eating peanut butter cups guilt free (except for the calories).

I don't mean to be preachy on this, but it's just something that strikes me as so unnecessary. Chocolate is a luxury, pure and simple. A child shouldn't be sold into slavery so that I can enjoy that luxury.

"I don't mean to be preachy on this" and yet you are.
You are 100% preachy.
But have fun typing this bullshit on that computer that has materials mined by child slaves.
No one talks about that shit because you really do need computers to be a cunt. You can give up chocolate and you'd probably live longer.

I wanted certain items from Yankee Candle that I wasn't sure I'd be able to get in the store, so I ordered from their website. 

Child slavery and Yankee Candle.

At some point today (possibly after finding local free-range eggs in Whole Foods), it occurred to me that it would be a great idea to raise chickens.

So this is what goes through a cunt's head when she's standing in my FUCKING WAY at the grocery store.
I don't know why people think it's a great idea to ask me if I can decorate a cake when I'm balls deep in potatoes.
Yes, clearly, I'm the man to be asking about cakes.
Not the woman putting cakes on a shelf.
Cakes she just decorated.
Clearly I am the one to be doing this.

But seriously. How cool would it be to be able to have your own humane, organic eggs?

I dunno.
Not that cool.
I can think of at least three dozen things that are way cooler than that and that's without even trying.

First, this is like my sixth session of Pilates.

Pilates.

 Second, mall. There was a CD stuck in my Macbook, so I had to go to the Apple Store to get it fixed.

Macbook, Pilates, bitching about bullshit social issues she has no control over, free range eggs, organic--
It's like a list of twat bullshit I'd want to avoid in a woman.

I have to admit, I almost walked out because I had made a personal shopping appointment from 2:30-3, but because I was fifteen minutes late due to traffic and the fact that it was impossible to find a parking spot and navigate the mall, they had given it away. 

Personal shopping appointment--
How self important can you be?

I'm now the proud owner of a 13 inch Macbook Pro with a 2.53 GHz processor, 4 GB memory, and a 250 GB hard drive. I debated long and hard about the 13 vs 15 inch screen, but I have a decent desktop to use and I really wanted the Macbook for portability.

When the fuck was this written?
Oh, 2009.
Guess that explains that.

So, 13 inch it was. I also went ahead and sprang for the 32 GB iPod touch, even though it meant paying a little extra to make up the difference. I'm not entirely sure how I'll be using it, but given some of the options for it, I think it's entirely possible I'll need the extra space.  

Watch out white woman spending money--
Anyway I'm going.
Goodbye.