Typing on the Internet

It always cheers me up when someone runs to Livejournal to report their life's great victories, because ten times out of ten I've done better than they, and I didn't even have to tell anyone about it. I'm basically a pro at everything, is where I'm going with this.
So when Samantha (I love being on first name basis with anyone I'm reviewing) reports that she got 3 Bs and one A I laughed.

I am trying to enjoy my time off, sadly though I have had to spend most of it so far in the mall.

Oh holy shit woe is you, you had to spend time in the mall. There is no other place to purchase gifts.

I want to hand out soap to people in the mall, and explain to them how to use it.

It's like you've been on a different planet and are just now getting used to people. They're stupid, rude, and usually smell bad. Welcome.

Mel and I were playing some Sonic and then later on I was playing my Super Nintendo for the first time since we moved here, it was awesome!

Wow you have a Sega and a Super Nintendo? You're the coolest kid in 1993!
Do you know that one guy who always talks about shit you don't know about like the Turbo Grafx 16? Fuck that guy. He's a dick.

Well, my brother finally got his tattoo tonight. He got a wolf with flames surrounding it, and it looks awesome.

Holy shit I set out to review a douche and I found the coolest family ever. A wolf and flames? This just needed a Chinese character and a tribal band around it to complete the triumvirate (triumvirate is three, not four, boss) to officially be the coolest tattoo ever.
In case I wasn't sufficiently sarcastic before, your brother's tattoo is fucking stupid and he's going to regret that around the same time the permanence of it sets in.

Next semester looks to be a boring one, but a plus is my schedule is pretty awesome.

This sentence doesn't even make sense to me. Boring is never awesome, no matter how close your classes are together. I suppose you could be counting your blessings, like I did this semester, in fact, because holy shit at least I don't have Literary Theory at 8 in the goddamn morning.

Which I don't mind other then the fact that won't happen until I am thirty something, and I don't want to wait that long to start my life.

Other than*
Seriously how did you make it this far without knowing the difference between "then" and "than"?

It's hard enough at twenty three convincing myself that I am not a loser for not having a job right now, I can't see being able to convince myself at thirty.

I'd say you're the biggest winner of all. While those other fags are working their asses off you get to watch TV and go to school. As I understand it, once this work thing starts it doesn't stop until you're too old to enjoy not having to work, so you might as well have fun now, unless you have an awesome scheme to become independently wealthy.
Also hedging your bets on the lottery is not a scheme.

In other events I am kind of blond now.

Uhh...

What I mean by that is I got a shit load of blondish highlights, and I along with some others think it actually looks blond; however there are those who believe it to be another shade of brown.

"those that believe"? What, is your hair color a mystery religion now?
You know they say Orpheus learned the secret of life and death in his journey to the underworld...

I also am trying to be a truthfull person no matter the result of it, I am funny, I am smart, and I am as loyal as they come.

I think they have a word for people like you.
"Truthfull (sic) no matter the result of it," huh? What that tells me is you're one of those people who often starts sentence with "sorry but," followed by something horrible no one wanted to hear. Then you feel self important because you told the truth, and telling the truth is important.
Telling the truth is rarely as important as how you tell it, which I can tell, based on your grasp of language, is a foreign concept to you.

I am human and I can't change that no matter how much I may want to at times.

Oh then you rationalize everyone hating you for being an annoying cunt by saying you're "just human". Not good enough.

I understand how hard it is to watch someone be so much less then they are.

Care to explain that one? How can someone be "less" then (sic) they "actually are"? Wouldn't someone only be what they are? How can you be anything but what you actually are?

I have no answers to how you handle that.

I guess self improvement is out of the question.

I just have to pray that it will all work out in the end,because again I am human just like everyone else.

Ha, ha, that's it. Pray. Ohh I hope one day I'll stop being an annoying cunt~
You seem the type to be superficially religious, so let me tell you something I heard once: "the Lord helps those who help themselves."

No better or worse.~

Compared to whom?
I'd say you're a lot worse than most people.

Apparently I would rather appear to be a cold hearted bitch, than a stupid pathtic girl when talking about my past relationship with will.

No, stop. You, being a bitch?
I refuse to believe it.

I am defently the bitter fuck who just got her heart broken right now. I invison differnt ways of hurting or killing people.

Whoa. Easy. Also you broke up with him, so why are you bitter?

I just got banbared with phone calls, voice mails, and text messages at three something in the morning.

Banbared. Bombarded, Banbared. Close enough. You know you have fucked up when spell check can't even recommend the right word.

First he tried that angry messages,and when that didn't work then he tried the pitty messages, and finally the I love you message followed up by please don't throw me away.

Anger, grief, repentance, followed by the harsh reality: I was better off without that stupid bitch anyway.

Words like void, insignfcant, and emtpy constantly come to mind these days when thinking of myself.

So made up words?

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could lay all their cards on the table and no one would look down on them, no one would bully them, and the ones you wanted to care would?

I'd still say something mean because I'm a dick.

I am tired of having to protect myself all the time, but if I dont people will destroy me, and no I am no being dramatic when I say that.

Actually you are, come on now. You'd only be destroyed if you'd let others do it. Quit playing the victim.

I feel stripped of just about everything.

No, if you had been, you wouldn't be nearly as evasive as you are.

Earlier I was talking to my dad about my life and how much of a straight up screw up I feel like these days.

Straight up screw up.

Thats my nature to just surrender and hope for it to be quick.

No you're never dramatic.

This time around *knock on wood* I find myself with a totally differnt out look on it all.

This is something like the seventh time you've done this. It's spelled "different". At first I wrote it off as a typo, but now I'm not so sure.

They can't make my whole life shit I wont give anyone that power anymore.

Jesus Christ you're 23 and just now realized you are the one in control of your emotions?
Samantha, if I may be so bold, you're easily manipulated. I bet I could scam you out of most of your money in fifteen minutes.
I bet you watch those shows like Crossing Over with John Edwards and really believe he can talk to the dead.
I bet you believe in things like fate and love at first sight, ostensibly because it's "romantic" but in reality because it provides a convenient excuse for your own ineptitude.
Here's my advice to you, Samantha: embrace the philosophy of the strong. It's you. You are in control of your emotions. You won't feel bad if you don't let others make you feel bad. If someone "made" you feel bad, you made yourself feel bad.
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, either.

Non of which I am all that intersted in except my friends. Feel void of anything real or important.

You seem to have a lot of trouble with words like "interested" and "different". I think you might pronounce them like this, too. Maybe a speech therapy class would make you feel better about yourself. Talk less like an idiot, be less like an idiot.

I guess I am bitching because I feel alone and without any real joy. Things could always be worse though~

"Well I'm a miserable cunt and know no joy, but it could be worse~"
I really can't imagine how. You might as well be dead at that point.

So today was Robin and Lisa's two year anniversary and we celbrated by going to Hershey park.

There's that 'e' thing again.

Everyone should be very proud of me because I went on two water slides,two logflumes, and four roller costers.

Are you fucking serious? Everyone should be proud of you?
Hey Samantha: fuck you.

The reason isn't because I merly did these thing no the reason is because I over came my fear of heights somewhat today.

Merly. That sentence is a mess anyway, who am I kidding?
Also maybe you took my "embrace the philosophy of the strong" thing (retroactively somehow) a bit too far. Don't mistake your new found empowerment for anyone caring. People are still stupid, rude and smell bad.
Well Samantha, I've enjoyed reading your blog. You're a character, all right. Take that how you will.