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When you have a user name like "Skater_Boi_82" it piques my attention. What kind of tool factory names themselves, of all things, Skater_Boi_82? 82 as in 1982, as in the year you were born, as in old enough to know better.
First entry entitled "My ROFLCOPTER goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi". Yeah, I found a winner.

In doing so, they decided to use Adobe's (Microsoft's?) voice reader on some of the passages.

It's called Microsoft Sam, friend. Search for "Text Aloud" on your computer. It's probably there. Then you, too, can exploit every lame World of Warcraft guild Vent server's jokes.
ROLFCOPTER SOI SOI SOI LOL SO RANDUM xD
Die in a fire.

If you've ever watched an episode of Arby and the Chief, you know that this all sounds exactly like the Master Chief is sitting over there reading it. I've been sitting here all morning trying not to laugh.

Yeah I'm going to need a few days to break this secret Nazi code.
Arby and the Chief?
Eagle six four this is Lander one nine two--

So November 19 came, and with it came by far the Xbox 360's most significant firmware update yet.

Significant being a relative term, of course, because I still haven't updated yet.
In fact I'm not sure my Xbox has been on since November 19th.

Firstly, everything looks different. There has been an effort to merge functionality with aesthetics in a way that clearly steals from Apple, from increased menu responsiveness to cover-flow.

Oh so it works like a piece of shit and is driven by moon logic?

Then there's the ability to create Mii-like avatars, which is a fine distraction for those who choose to persue it.

After reading all this I'm starting to wonder what was wrong with the old browser. Admittedly it wasn't the greatest thing ever. Simple tasks like deleting old saves were often not hidden beneath wave after wave of features you'll never use. Networking it to a computer was an involved process that included generating keys you had to enter into the Xbox and your computer. I (still) get frequent disc read errors when the system is feeling bitchy.
OF COURSE THESE THINGS PROBABLY AREN'T FIXED. I JUST GET TO MAKE A STUPID AVATAR.

So. I figure this would be a good Christmas to get a decent digital camera. The one I have now is second hand crap, so almost anything would be an upgrade. Any recommendations for this n00b?

I suggest acting like an adult number one, and number two let me Google this for you, you simpleton.
On November 10th he gives his Bioshock status report, continuing with a litany of posts no one gives a shit about. Real timely on that Bioshock thing too, by the way. That game definitely isn't a year old now or anything.
Now there's three entries regarding the monumental task of choosing a plasma television. This is riveting entertainment, folks.

So if you updated your Wii this last week (v3.4), you will now be unable to install homebrew.

I had trouble sleeping last night. I now know why.

The paradox of this update is that if you install it, your homebrew experience will be crippled (can't install WADs, but HBC still works mostly), while if you don't install it, the Wii Shop Channel won't work, and your homebrew will be fine.

That's not a paradox. That's called a duality. Also I'm sure while you wasted 15 minutes typing this there was a work around or a patch to your homebrew released.
Seriously you must be new to this whole piracy thing. Allow me to help you out:
when in doubt, wait fifteen minutes. It'll correct itself.

I'll also say that if you're going to try the newly translated Mother 3 on the Wii, I recommend you look at VBA GX 1.0.3 (newest release).

Or I could, you know, dump it to a flash cart and play it on my actual Gameboy.
That's just me, though.

So. This weekend I finished EarthBound for the first time.

Major life accomplishment achieved.

This has been a personal goal for many years, but not one I've always been proactive about persuing.

Jesus, years? Earthbound is an easy game, friend. I can't imagine if someone plugged you into a Megaten game, or a Might and Magic game, or, God forbid, Wizardry.

I found the cartridge at Electronics Boutique back in 2003, but at the time I'd hit saturation on retro RPGs.

I like how he has about five posts devoted to piracy and the fine usage thereof but insists on buying an actual Earthbound cartridge and playing on an actual SNES. Somehow, based on his language, taste and views of gaming he's recently into it and trying to go back and play everything he missed as a child to achieve the proper "hardcore" status but by my reckoning he is now... 26 years old and all of his peers don't give a shit because they have work and bills and ladies to kiss on the lips and shit.

Knowing what I know now, I regret that it has taken me so long to play this game, especially with this spoiler universe known as the internet.

Yeah wouldn't want anyone to spoil that 15 year old game for you.

And while I know that I'm late to the party on this whole homebrew front, some of the recently released apps has made the experience worth mentioning.

Only a decade or two.

For me, Big Spring Jam is almost ubiquitous with high school, with the better acts including Pain, Jimmy's Chicken Shack, and Curbside Service.

I think you need to look up "ubiquitous" because I don't think it means what you think it means.
Speaking of "words people don't know" he's now linking me to an article about spelling.

People who have trouble with spelling are punished when it comes to applying for jobs or even filling out forms, even though their mistakes are far from unusual, says Jack Bovill, chairman of the British-based Spelling Society, an international organization that has advocated simplified spellings since 1908.

Yes, welcome to the fucking species. You are punished for not knowing things you should know. I wasn't coddled through my math classes so you babies aren't going to be coddled through spelling. Tough fucking shit. No one would dare suggest such a thing about math. "Well four is close to five, so how about that be right too?"

"In the 21st century, why learn by heart rote spelling when you can just type it into a computer and spell-check?" he asks.

Have you seen your spell check, friend?

Justin went with me yesterday to search for a decent alarm clock/radio.

Sounds like a wild time.
As is often a problem with these fucking things I find myself making excuses not to read it. There is absolutely no excuse to bang on for three entries about a plasma TV purchase. My life is boring as fuck and yet somehow I manage to be entertaining when I'm typing for an audience. I do that mostly by not talking about myself ever. I know people don't want to hear about the monumental decision of arming my space marine devastators with heavy bolters instead of missile launchers so I don't fucking say it.
Except, of course, in examples where I say exactly that.
I guess people feel they have to fill the void with something otherwise they're boring and their lives are meaningless but to me, an outsider, your blogs just highlight the fact that the world wouldn't mourn your passing.
I know I've said it before (and people have said it to me) if it's boring just don't read it, but then I wouldn't have anything to bitch about.
Besides it's on the internet, presumably for the purpose of being read by others.
So no, Skater_Boi_82, fuck you and your boring life. Make more interesting posts.
Shit, if I had one of those life story blogs I'd make shit up to seem more interesting. When people say "reality is stranger than fiction" they don't mean your reality, because you are a boring pleb who goes to a boring cubicle all day and shuffles papers.
In fact, mine would be so well written and filled with clever conceits it would be impossible to tell which parts were reality and which were lies but, rest assured, it'd be 90% fiction.