How to be hipster well into your 40s

At some point doing the double down of liking lame stuff "ironically" to seem somehow so not interested in being cool that you pull a quantum physics move so awesome it'd give Stephen Hawking a boner and you enter a quantum superstate of both cool and not cool at the same time has to stop working. I reckon that stops the second you get a real job and start having to pay taxes, but apparently some people figure it's a good idea to be this way well into your forties. And you're married. And have children.
While she hasn't outright said it the implication I'm getting here is she doesn't let her children watch TV or movies or play the vidya or have fun in a misguided belief that these things destroy creativity.
This is especially ironic because she writes fanfiction about Harry Potter.
I'm not joking. This is about to happen.
A woman in her forties with a child of driving age writing fanfiction period seems insane to me but Harry fucking Potter fanfiction?
Are you for real?

If you could become a member of the opposite sex for just one day, what would you do?

Today's writer's block. A lot of people said they wouldn't become a member of the opposite sex but the question doesn't really seem to imply that's a choice, but it does start with "if" so I believe the question is poorly worded.
I'm genuinely surprised at how trite the answers were, too. I know I regularly state all these bloggers might as well be the same person as they just repeat the same shit over and over but I figured with all the gender angst people have on the internet they could come up with something a little more substantive than "pee standing up and masturbate." My mistake, I suppose.

That's easy; my husband. It would be so slashtastic. I would put those peggers to shame.

To my eternal shame I know what "slash" means but I'm still a little confused on "pegger" in this context. Slash is like-- uhh-- you take Harry Potter/Odysseus from the Odyssey and they have gay sex and are in a relationship. See the backslash indicates-- yeah.
Fuck the police.
Let's not get into how I know this, in fact.
"Pegging", or the definition I learned at least, is when a woman puts a strap-on on and puts it into a man's ass. You know like regular sex except exactly opposite.

My life is insane but the themes of sex and death, loss, longing, and sudden diamonds strewn across one's path are constants.

Man that was a purple, pretentious line.

If I read a book that started like that I would immediately vomit on it.
I'm not puking on my expensive monitor, though.

A great deal has happened.

My mother has round after round of inconclusive tests involving debilitating pain in her side. So far the thought is adhesions from emergency gallbladder surgery 30 years ago. Woo hoo.


Alpha has left home. She is 15 but living in dorms at an academically focused boarding school and already at work preparing to represent her school in a mathematic competition in Singapore in the spring.

"Alpha" is her first child.
She codenamed them (or, indeed, regularly named them) after the first three letters in the Greek alphabet.
The implication here is her beta child is less important or worthwhile or even less of a human than her alpha child if we're going by typical application of the term but I'm guessing she didn't think that far.

This has been the hardest on her father and brother. They are both wandering around vaguely bereft half the time. Whenever I start to miss her I remeber that she is embarking on adulthood and having the time of her life and I feel incredibly happy for her.

"Remeber" indeed.
At the ripe old age of 15. Time to get out of the house and experience the world.

As the world out there beyond my keyboard may, or may not, know I took a job at a liquor store almost exactly a year (okay 13 months) ago. Since it has been one of several factors slowing down my posting I thought I would fill you in a bit.

Oh yeah all this pretentiousness later and she works at a fucking liquor store.

A break down of my day goes something like this;

And she doesn't know how to use a semicolon. That's the second time I've caught you not using one properly. Look, it's not that significant of a punctuation mark. If the rules aren't clear in your head just don't use it at all.
I will give you a massive hint on how to use them, though: they can effectively replace a period but they cannot effectively replace a comma or a colon.
And what follows is about 15 paragraphs of description of menial chores.
I am still alive but just barely.

I am, however writing away (200 some odd pages since march) on some non-hp projects, one of which is a finishing up of the steampunk project.

All writes have a Harry Potter fanfiction project and their non-fanfiction project is steampunk.
I'm happy to report I have neither of these things.
I'm all about the cyberpunk still.
In fact, thank you, Firefox. Firefox acknowledges cyberpunk as a word but not steampunk.
There can be no greater way to encapsulate how I feel about these two things.

Eldest child, Alpha, is leaving home in August for boarding school concentrating on maths and sciences.

"Maths". This woman is American, keep in mind.

Beta boy is depressed about this and is convinced I should go with him to the post secondary school of his choice, the London School of Puppetry. He's 12 so I am pretty sure he will rethink this by the time he is 18.

You do realize calling someone "beta boy" is directly questioning his manhood, right?
Behavioral science? Hello? Alpha wolf versus beta?
No?
Alpha wolf gets his choice of the girl wolves?
No?
Fuck it.
I mean wanting to get into puppetry pretty much cements his status as "forever beta" but you could at least back the ninja up a little, mom. Christ.

Delta, 7, is the most philosophical about the changes "She wants to go so I'm glad she got in, but I'll miss her."

Gamma is the next letter in the Greek alphabet, chief.
Then Delta.
Then Epsilon.
Zeta, Eta, Theta, Iota, Kappa, etc.

What are your best and worst personality traits? Do you think your friends would agree?

I don't remember this writer's block at all.

My biggest flaw is that I am too honest in a completely awkward, overwhelming, and sometimes rude way. I also tend to be very overemotional, particularly on topics that are close to my heart. As in when someone online is disengenuous about their motives or POV I tend to want to bludgeon them to death with a baby seal.

>getting mad at shit online
>not knowing how to spell disingenuous

Live Journal tends to be fluid and friends lists grow over tiem and I don't post as often or as philosophically as I did before I had a work-a-day job so the newbies on my list might not be aware of this but I am not a Christian.

I do like the implication that being your friend is a skill you need to work at when you say "newbie to my friendlist".

I'm not bothered by Christians who don't try to push it on me, either personally or politically, unfortunately a large contingent fit in the pushy category.

I live in the US so this is not some accident that I am not a believer. It's not that I have never heard the story. It's not that no one has ever tried to convert me (insert eyeroll). It's not that I don't see the social and economic advantages to becoming a Christian, since more than 90% of job interviews in my stupid city have include a query, veiled or unveiled, about my "church home".

>Not lying on job applications

Which brings me to missionaries.
They drive me nuts. Few things make my blood boil quicker than a missionary.
As an Ndn I have had some experience with missionaries, both personally and historically.
The thing that gets me about them is this, a former flist member said in their defense "They're only trying to show you a better way to live."

Soak that in for a moment. Think about the implications.

>Implications
What am I doing?

The assumption is that their philosophy, their culture, their way of life is better than that of the poor heathen they are trying to harrangue into changing. Why is that? What is it founded on? Because they're white?

I'm looking at your avatar and so are you.
MAD.
MAD ABOUT NONSENSE.
Here, listen to this and be gone with ye.