2pro

Let's take a break from all these women blogging and go for a guy blogging.
You know what I say: all guys with blogs are gay.
Read this shit. I can almost see the fedora through the monitor.

I was in despair, I tell you: utter despair. There had been no sightings of any feathered beings anywhere near any of my feeders, bar only Black Phoebe the Tyrannical Flycatcher posing on the hanger while she watched for insects to massacre; I quite thought all my efforts to be in vain. Spurned, I felt. I did.

But I was just making a cup of tea, in the classic British manner, when I happened to glance out of the window - and lo! Hummer! Zooming around the feeder, trying the sunny side and the shady side alternately (I was worrying at five o'clock this morning, whether it would get too hot for the little birdies under our relentless sunshine), pausing on the hangar, being entirely darling. So that's okay.

How much money do you want to bet this queer is American?
And fat?

Today's good news: the bottle of vanilla extract didn't break, tho' it fell from a great height and not much like the gentle rain from heaven* upon the plates beneath.

Today's bad news: those plates. They did break.

M'wife says "So fucking what?", but, y'know. I get so sick tired of dropping things and breaking things and so forth, and yet I continue to do it.

He never says "my" it's always "m'" which really leads me to believe he's tipping his fedora every single time.
Like run through this thought exercise with me:
"my wife"
"m'wife"
"my lady"
"m'lady"
What do you think?
"My wife" = man with wife
"my lady" = knight
"m'wife" and "m'lady" seem like an incomplete thought. The clause needed to finish the thought would be "he said, tipping his fedora."

As with most of my bad habits and character flaws, come to think. I read once that short-sighted people are often clumsy, and I drew solace from that for years, decades; but solace wears thin in the end, I find.

Anyway. We get to buy new plates, yay?

Also I am instructed that I should point out that m'wife is taking shameless advantage of her inside track, and has posted a list of my award-eligible stories on her blog. Hrrumph.

(Also also, I hadn't realised quite how little I published last year. Good grief: what happened there?)


*Which, I might put out, we are still waiting for, here in NoCal.

>NoCal
>faggot doublespeak for "Northern California"
Got you you motherfucker.
You're not British. Stay where you belong, Amerifat.

Actually, at the moment I'm quite in favour of lists.

British spelling.
Do you hear that? It's the sound of neckbeard rubbing against double chin.
Actually I just found out his irl name (Chaz Brenchly dude what) and if you google him you can see he does indeed have a neckbeard but appears a reasonable weight. Also he's wearing a baseball cap but I feel that's just a replacement for the fedora.
Inside it's all fedora.

In my backpack I have put changes of jeans, of shirts, of underwear. I have a small pharmacopoeia of chemical aids and bathroom appurtenances. I have my phone, the Laptop of Utterable Delights and a spare little bag full of cables. I have my sunglasses and my reading glasses. I have a book and my Kindle (and, again, my phone: now with Kindle app applied).

I do believe I may be ready for a day and a night in the city. 

"laptop of utterable delights"
"laptop filled with porn"

So I have all this lovely goose fat, which as we know is yummyscrump for roasting potatoes. What I'm wondering, though, is how else I might splendidly use it. I don't really have enough for a pot of confit, alas; but in any case, I'm thinking of more general uses. F'rexample,

I'm sorry, can you run that by me again with none of the pretention?
Oh that's right you can't because you just seriously asked Dreamwidth how to use goose fat.

I came home this morning with a lovely piece of skirt steak*, which I am browning for tonight. Is it wasteful of me to be browning it in goose fat, or will that make a blessed contribution to the complexities of flavour...?

I did also come home with small quantities of various rices, for purposes of playing with the new toy. And yet, and yet - we are not eating rice tonight. This is because I am an Imp of the Perverse, and I want to make beef stew in a pumpkin. Because I can.


*The word "steak" is added here purely to obviate and head off at the pass any tendency among my readership to go "fnar, fnar". Or local equivalent.

 I'm going to need a minute to decompress after reading that.

Redefinery: where crude language is converted into smooth innocuous prose. Lede-free.

 I'm going to need another minute.
In fact brb I'm going to play a game of League of Legends and take this out on hapless idiots.
Jesus that didn't even help.
Uhhhh.

M'wife has the sleeping sickness.

Isn't that seriously fatal?
How'd she get that?
You only get that in Africa.
Like deep Africa.
Like the Congo.
What's happening?

Down to the farmers' market this morning, for the usual round of fruits and veggies - strawberries, raspberries, broccolini, fennel, kale, brussels sprouts, beetroots, Chinese beans, chocolate from the nice Vice lady* - and also to drop in at Leigh's bookstore, where she was hosting three local foodie writers.

The note is talking about chocolate being a vegetable.
But it's not. It's a seed, technically.
I know because I just googled it.

I just spent a thousand bucks on lumber for the fencing.

I should like it noted, though, that at least I did it in American. Bucks, you say? Lumber? Very well...

So let me tell you about League of Legends.
I suck.
Then I get a bit better and a magic number in the game starts matching me with better people.
Then I suck again.
Until I learn--
Then the magic number goes up and I suck again.
I can't see this number but it must be there because I'm facing increasingly tougher competition.
It's like Caesar says. Better first in a village than second in Rome but okay, at this rate I can be first in Rome.
But whoa hold on. I was used to everyone sucking so hard they couldn't even buy their own champions so I'd just play all the free rotation once and I'd at least know what everyone was going to try to do a bit.
But now I've rotated up enough that people can buy their own champions.
So besides the usual free rotation (because they're not that good yet to just not use free rotation) I'll encounter at least 3 people using shit I've never even seen.
Like spike turtle man. Apparently named Rammus?
Then Vlad the gay vampire who is surprisingly not bad at all--
And nothing prepares you for this. You just get in range and hope you don't die to a move you didn't know existed until five seconds ago.
Meanwhile half your team is screaming at you for dying too much because you've never even seen half this shit before and you're too busy telling them how you're going to find where they live and staple their lips to their own assholes if they don't shut the fuck up about how bad you are because you've only been playing this fucking game for a week and I'd like to see how fucking good you were the first week in--
it's all very stressful.
But if you go 14/7 with Ahri because you've been studying a lot about how she works no one says a fucking thing.
Basically the quest to not be a scrub lord is intense and fraught with screaming middle schoolers.
Much like teaching.

That may be the first time I've ever fried a strawberry.

Welcome to Freedom.
So what the fuck am I supposed to do for the song of the day huh
All I've been listening to all day is gay Korean pop.
So I guess it'll have to be that.
Oh by the way don't get excited and think the girls are going to kiss at the end. I've seen this video 197 times and they don't.
So let me explain to you what this group is about.
Much like all pop bands created by committee they're all the same so the thing to set this one apart is they're all slutty.
You'd think someone would try a group that can sing.
That's ostensibly The Wonder Girls (I know a lot about Korean pop, ok) but the thing is they can't sing either so I don't know what that's about.
I guess they did have that song Nobody from like 2003 or something but that doesn't count because I don't think any of those members are still in the band.
Then there's all the bands that kind of blend together in their mediocrity.
KARA
miss A
Girl's Day
Afterschool
These are real. You can look these up. It might sound like I'm making up but I promise you I am not.
Then there's all the single singer spin offs from previous girl groups like Hyuna and Gain--
am I going insane?
What am I talking about?
Then it gets really confusing when the Korean girl groups cross over with Japanese has beens or never weres--
like when Afterschool did a song with Namie Amuro.
That's a thing I listened to.
That's not even the most obscure Asian music thing I know. I have a CD of Matsubara Miki's greatest hits in my car.
That's a Japanese bossa nova singer who had a couple of minor hits in the late 70s and early 80s.
That's a thing I know about.
Is this being a weeaboo or is this neurosis at this point?
No wait that's not the most obscure thing about Asian music I know.
Midori Kinouchi's 1979 one hit wonder Yokohama Eleven is.
That's a song you can listen to on Youtube if you want.
89 people have listened to it.
How do I know this
am I going insane?