DRAMA! ANGST!

LIVEJOURNAL!
I knew I was in for easy pickings when the writer's block went as such:

What's your most debilitating insecurity? Do you think you'll ever overcome it?

My most debilitating insecurity is that I am far, far too awesome to deal with a quarter of the people I do.
There is clearly an awesome limit and I have crossed it. It's like the limit break quests in FFXI. I had to gather a ton of dumb bullshit to level awesome this high.
Anyway here we have some melodramatic high school girl who's on about something.

My biggest insecurity.. My self esteem sucks. Horribly. I'd like to overcome the idea that im "worthless" and "ugly".

YOU ARE ALL WORTHLESS AND WEAK.

I don't know if I can ever TRULY overcome it though. Maybe mask it, but not cure it.

You're not good enough to conquer insecurity.
I'd make a great therapist.

Study hall. Oh joy, study hall. Consisting mostly of just a teacher, and I, it's tense as hell without my ear buds shoved into my ears. It's quiet, all except for my tunes and keyboard click clack.

It's intense sitting here wanting to shop at Hot Topic all day.

Yeah, man. It's better than actually LEARNING though, so thats a plus. And, I get to sit here, on my ass for 50 minutes doing nothing but texting, typing, and bobbing my head back and forth to this and that.

>bobbing my head back and forth
HEH I'LL SAY.
Also this sounds like any other class at the school I teach at but whatever.
Learning is hard, being stupid is easy-- natural decision.

This is the source of obesity. I failed gym though, so there's nothing I can do about that.

How the fuck do you fail gym? I didn't even show up half the time and still passed.

These keyboards are practically prehistoric. This whole computer is prehistoric. There is dust all over the place, and this computer lags like a bitch. Fuck it.

I have a computer made in 1993 and it doesn't lag. I understand if you take care of things they'll work better.
It does BSOD constantly but Windows 95, what can you do?
I had totally forgotten this but when Windows 95 doesn't find an error in its index of like 2 errors it just BSODs. 95% of the time you can just press enter and it goes away.
Recovering from a BSOD just like that.
TRULY THIS IS THE FUTURE.
Also the "DOS support" is really bad on Windows 95.
It doesn't work a solid 50% of the time and if I have to do something tricky like configure Soundblaster the sound chip sounds like it's shitting itself.
God I love 90s technology.

Today, so far, has been normal. I suppose. Same douche bags being douche bags, same bitches being bitches, same academic shit, same desks, same everything. The only difference is the tension and anxiety about finals coming up. I know I'm stressing. If I don't get good grades, I get banned from seeing Tyler. So, yeah. I NEED good grades. Need them.

Banned from seeing Tyler?
NO!
Don't your parents understand you're like what's that bitches name from Twilight and Edward?
DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND YOUR ETERNAL, UNDYING LOVE?
Goddamn fuck being a teenager.

One more period to go. And then, I get to go home. And study. And call Tyler. And watch the Season Premiere of Being Human. But, first I have to get past the whole bus ride situation.

The bus is the picture of filth. Honestly. And, some of the people who ride it, aren't so different. I sit in the back, obviously. Hell knows what I'd do to the poor 6th and 7th graders who sat in the front. Probably traumatize them with my perverted wisdom?

>High school kid
>wise
HA!
Truly those who consider themselves wise are not.

I don't know. Back to my point? The assholes sit in the back. The guys who think they're too cool to be in school.

Ha, yeah. All guys who sat in the back are assholes.
Especially that one kid who sat in the fire exit seat because then he wouldn't have to sit next to anyone.
Hmm, suddenly reminded that I sat there.
Well, anyway.

Which is total bull, I know. We all know.

Weren't you just saying you hated school and how learning was dumb and pointless?
Aren't you kind of being too cool for school when you do shit like that?

So, I deal with them. And their ass-holery. Which is hard. Harder than RJ Bergers dick. But, I deal.

And other references I understand.

School is just over rated. The bus is over rated. Study Hall is over rated.

Sorry, You've heard this all before.

*Sigh* Typical teenage rants. How unoriginal.

EVERYTHING IS OVERRATED, MAN. SHUT UP. I'M A HIGH FUNCTIONING AUTISTIC.

It's 6th period. Study Hall. I'm in a back room located somewhere in my school, with TWO other people. Aren't there supposed to be more people in Study Halls? There is some junior chick, the teacher, and me. It's so awkward and quiet. Thank god I have my head phones right? Without them, I'm sure I'd die from the tension.

90% of all comedy is borne of awkward silences I think.

Only sound I hear is Jawbreaker's song Million and the click clack of the keyboard. These keyboards suck. Along with the actual computer, it's practically prehestoric.

Didn't I already read this?
I don't need to work so hard on these updates. Just copy and paste old ones and update the musical references and I'm good to go.
Speaking of musical references: I made the horrific mistake a week ago of clicking on some Korean words on Youtube. It lead to a song that has BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD EVER SINCE.
But since I don't understand any of the words it just kind of comes out WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS whenever I start humming it to myself.
Fucking hell.
Oh well I guess that's my mistake for clicking anything Korean on Youtube and assuming it'll lead to anything but PAIN.
Maybe it's like The Ring and I just have to pass it on to someone else.
I'll be sure to ambush one of my friends on MSN with it tonight.

Oh well. My day has gone by very... fast? I can't necessarily say that because It went at a medium sort of pace.

All days bleed into one
BLEED LIKE THE BLACK OIL FROM MY WRISTS
I guess this isn't that emo as it is melodramatic and dumb.

Bre has been my closest chick friend since 6th grade. She's in nearly all of my classes, and she has the ability to make even the most boring science assignment interesting. But, today she was gone. She didn't answer back my texts so I suspect she's in Illinois. Her cousin is dying. He was an alchoholic and his system is now shutting down. He's neutral, but they are guessing he is going to pass soon. I wish the whole family luck. Get better soon, Andy!

>get better
>he's dying
Not the right thing to say, I think.

I just cannot wait until tomorrow. It's thursday today but It feels like a friday, so I acted like it was. I did practically NO work today. None. My mind wasn't focused on school work whatsoever today. I was thinking about Tyler, Bre, the bus ride home, my music, my bladder, my cell phone, Study Hall.. just all this random shit that isn't even slightly close to being academic.

You know I have to give her some credit. Her grammar is orders better than the average idiot.

I still have approximately 30 minutes left until class is over. Shit. How much more bored could I be?! Damn. I'd surf the web, but certain sites are blocked due to "Mature Content" so I don't even try anymore.

Ha, ha the school filter stops you from browsing the internet.
GIRLS AND TECHNOLOGY, AM I RIGHT?
I remember when I was in school we just used a proxy. Nothing fancy.

I was born on May 8th, 1996.

I remember 1996.
So let's see, that makes you 14.
Yeah, gotta give it to you. Your grammar is orders better than any of the idiots I teach and they're your age.

Maybe people just don't like me because they're afraid?

Yeah, afraid of your scrawny ass.

Haha. Bull. That's what my shrinks have been telling me from day one. "Oh, honey. They're just jealous of you." Aww. How sweet. My parents are paying you to sugar coat my life? I don't think so.

You know what'd make this a lot more interesting? If it read like that scene from The Inquisition War.

I didn't realize it until about 2 months ago but.. Shit. There are so many people in my school who I just want to smoosh knowledge and understanding into their brain with a 3 inch thick paddle.

Yeah, see? Instead of that dumb shit it could read like this:

"WE ARE CURIOUS," came a mighty anguished thought which itself transcended time. "WE HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR INTRUSION INTO OUR SANCTUARY, OUR ANTRUM AND ADYTUM.

"My lord." Jaq sank to his knees. "I beg to report to you before I am destroyed. I may have uncovered a major conspiracy-"

"THEN WE WILL STRIP YOUR SOUL BARE. RELAX, MORTAL MAN, OR YOU WILL SURELY DIE IN SUCH PAIN AS WE ALWAYS ENDURE."

"WE HAVE PUT BACK WHAT WE TOOK AND TASTED, INQUISITOR"

"WE ARE MANY, INQUISITOR"

"HOW ELSE COULD WE ADMINISTER OUR IMPERIUM-"

"AS WELL AS WINNOW THE WARP-"

"HOW ELSE?"

That'd be amazing. Oh well, probably best it doesn't read like that because then I'd have this update about this AWESOME BLOG I JUST FOUND.

One kid hates me because I'm bisexual. One hates me because according to him, I'm "emo". One hates me because I'm friends with a certain person.

Yeah but see, instead of that it'd read like this:

"WE ARE AN EVER WATCHFUL LORD, ARE WE NOT? DID YOU HOPE TO GAIN OUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION?"

"HOW ELSE SHOULD WE SOUL-BIND PSYKERS AND OVERVIEW THE WARP AND BEAM THE ASTRONOMICAN BEACON AND SURVIVE AND RECEIVE INFORMATION AND GRANT AUDIENCES ALL AT ONCE, UNLESS WE ARE MANY?"

"AND YET STILL WE MISS SO MUCH, SO VERY MUCH? SUCH AS THAT WHICH GUIDED YOU HERE"

The Emperor of Mankind is so hardcore he talks in all caps. Also he refers to himself as "we" because he's literally multiple people in the same body. That must get really awkward.

Shit. Get to know me. I imagine you'd like me if you sat down, put all my difficulties aside and just TALKED to me.

Yeah, except-- no.

I'd appreciate it. But, instead they ridicule me because I'm not the average straight, perky, boring, *perfect* bitch. I'm not saying that anybody who is straight, and perky are bitches, necessarily. Just, most of the straight and perky girls I know are bitches. No stereotyping. I swear to jeebus.

I've made several key decisions about your character I feel you can agree with:
A. You are 14.

B. You are decidedly not a delicious brown or yellow girl

C. You are a melodramatic attention whore

Therefore I have decided I never want to hear from you. Fortunately for you one of these things will cure itself, one will never ever be cured and one might be if you worked at it, which you won't.
GRIM FUTURE. Also I like how you cry "stereotyping" but when you do it it's somehow the truth. That's a neat trick I'll have to try sometime.

People generally take one look at me and judge me on the way I look. They look at my big nose (which I'm not ashamed of), my eyeliner, my skinnies, my nikes, my mis-matching earrings and they JUDGE me.

Judge you the same way I have rendered judgment across hundreds of blogs. Hundreds of blogs, millions of words, and yet all the same.

That's all people do these days. Not all people, no. But, most people in my school think judging is a hobby.

It is a fun hobby, yes. Seriously, age a couple years and somehow transform into a DBG and we can talk shop. Until then, keep your crazy shit to yourself.