DISGUST

Once in a while there's a blog that's bad (bad like all the rest) but there's also a certain layer of je ne sais quoi to it that makes me feel like I just stepped in dog shit. Originally I had a very specific blog in mind but after what I suspect might have been a certain entry on the subject the journal has since been purged.
At least, I hope I played a role in her exile from the internet.
Probably not.
Anyway I found a suitable replacement in "Ramblings from the dark room" and it's my favorite series of events: agree that you're 14 or older to get in, then agree you're 14 to read each entry. Gentlemen, we are in flavor country.
You might remember her from this entry about stuff called THE BATTLEFIELD AWAITS.
I actually had to reread what I wrote to remember my problem with her and I think I figured it out. All I remember was she was all up on my tits.

I'm back from vacation, that is - not to be confused with being back in the saddle. :) And I realized today that I'm a sneaky, untruthful, semi-controlling, mindfreak. I should've been a lawyer...I've known it all along, but I'm just now admitting it to myself.

See what I mean? Who's proud that they should be a lawyer? That's like saying "yeah I should be a bloodsucking leech, pretty awesome, isn't it?" NO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I know things that I shouldn't know because I've obtained information in ways I shouldn't have, but it's all part of the game, I guess.

>obtain information
>ways you shouldn't
Alien concept to me.

She leaves for military duty this week...she will be gone for 4 days. I think we need the break. A week of being couped up inside a car with someone really tests ones patience. LOL She leaves Thursday morning, so I will be a free bird on Thursday night....

Why would you even be with this person if you say shit like that?
And now I'm supposed to act like their lovers' tiffs are funny when I'm just sitting here getting fucking angry.

Dear Carnival,
Thank you for ruining my dream vacation and Elphie's first {real} vacation ever.

No don't care.
Another entry dedicated to her trouble planning a cruise. We should all have such problems.

Headed straight for the weekend (no pun intended - currently I am living and loving the lesbian lifestyle)!

Ohhhhhhh. Yes. I remember now. Apparently she had a happy life and a kid or some shit then decided she wanted to be a lesbian (or came to the deep spiritual conclusion she is a lesbian however that happens) and then she proceeded to blame everyone but herself for the ensuing chaos. Also she fails to mention that poor spawn she had.
I think I see why I only feel revulsion for flowergrl2.
I feel like I pick on gay people or transsexual people a lot in these blogs and I promise it's not any sort of deep hatred of gays (specifically) it's generally my deep hatred of my fellow man and there just happens to be a lot of gay people on Livejournal.

Elphie has military duty this weekend so she won't be anywhere near me.. :( I miss her when she's gone...especially at night in bed (and not just because of the {usually} great sex!!), I just enjoy sleeping together.

Yeah.
Yeah--
Why did I quote this again?

Dual counseling today....more carpooling...money saved....gym at 6am...vacation unknown...lunch in the park....job security null and void. That's my life in one sugar-coated little nutshell! :)

Duel counseling sounds like an awesome job.

Elphie and I are fine. I'm slowly learning to communicate with her more effeciently and not just get lost up in my own head so quickly when "issues" present themselves, followed by stuffing things down into my "numb" file where they are forgotten and left for dead.

What the fuck am I reading?
Who thinks about themselves this much (besides everyone on the internet)?

I'm trying to remain positive about the twists and turns of life. Elphie assures me she's not going anywhere and that makes me feel secure...love is all that really matters, after all - right?

No I'm pretty sure there's more in life that matters than just love.
Well, relatively. I guess ultimately nothing really matters but you get what I mean.

Nothing too incredibly interesting today...I guess I could state that sometimes Elphie and I seem kinetically connected and other times we seem worlds apart. The other night, out of nowhere, she cuddles up to me in bed and her hands go directly "downtown." Now, this girl knows me..she knows what I like in bed.

I honestly get the impression this woman isn't really a lesbian and she's just doing this out of some sort of childish sense that it's something naughty that she shouldn't be doing.
I'd also like to point out "kinetically connected" doesn't make a ton of sense. That'd literally be "connected through motion".
Which, actually-- yeah, you do seem to be connected just because you're going through the motions.

She knows what it takes to get me going. As I type this, I'm thinking it almost feels as if she was trying to spark a fight with me or something. She did her thing for a few minutes until I, realizing this scenario was going to produce nothing for me, rolled over and began to kiss and love on and touch her.

It's like reading about a 13 year old's first sexual encounter. Everyone has the right parts that kind of work now but no one quite knows what to do with them--

I figured if she was attempting to bring me pleasure, she must want some, right?! WRONG!

Rush of bizarre memories-- anyone remember that move Commando with Arnold Schwarzenegger?
YOU HAVE TO COOPERATE WITH US, RIGHT?
WRONG!
and then he shot the guy in the fucking face. Man I should watch that movie tonight.

She became instantly pissed off and withdrawn. She immediately turned over and started crying. All the while I was trying to talk to her and calm her down. She was muttering things like "...you aren't attracted to me anymore...you don't like the way I touch you...this is all over...you don't want me touching you..." YIKES!

Know what you ladies need? A little Marvin Gaye.
Not the song to use obviously but it's my favorite.

I just held her while she broke down cuz there was no talking her down off of the ledge...I've learned! She finally came back around... I told her I simply wasn't in the mood and didn't want to fake an orgasm just to appease her while deceiving her at the same time.

Heh, women. Double the women, double the crazy, am I right guys?

She was still a little hurt and started comparing our relationship to that of her last one where sex was used as a weapon.

Ha, another bizarre thought just occurred to me. Remember that scene in Black Ops where Weaver (or Mason or someone I can't keep these characters straight) started yelling about how Nova 6 becoming weaponized?
Ha, yeah. Sex has become weaponized. And then you assassinate JFK.
Anyway--

Finally I got her to understand that the fact that I couldn't cum without any type of foreplay whatsoever had nothing to do with her ex or her prior relationship and more to do with me just needing something extra.

I finally got her to understand she's being irrational, Christ all mighty.

She claimed (after her mental breakdown) that she has ESP of sorts and that it's a trait she gets from her mother. (gag)

Wow. What?
I never thought I'd say this but this makes lesbian sex seem really boring and melodramatic.
I guess this is closer to reality but I dunno.

Elphie and I have been doing ok - steady as she goes. Sunday we had a major malfunction however and I was hurt by her actions and words. Let me back up briefly... Saturday she was extremely sick..she had a migraine headache and was all stuffed up and basically just had a really hard time.

Did I tell you guys I hit leatherworking fatigue yesterday? Too much tanning--
Yeah, check it out:
You can tell by the yellow numbers at the bottom (usually they're white) also her "leatherworking bonus" has increased. No one is quite sure what that means or what they plan to do with it but suffice it to say I'm not wasting wind shards not getting full SP.
I was hoping it would reset today since I'm pretty sure I started leatherworking day 1 but apparently I didn't. It'll probably be Friday or Saturday or some fuck like that.
Oh well, I'll just gather wind shards and level alchemy and weaving until then. Be ready to muscle to fatigue again, YEAAAAAH SON.

Anyhoo...I allowed her to rest while I cleaned..she pretty much slept and stayed in bed all day. I would bring her meds, and drinks, and hot compresses and food...she didn't have to lift a finger. I was genuinely concerned about her health and just wanted her to get better. Finally, Saturday night around 10pm she started to come around.

No time to search the world around
'cause you know where I'll be found
when I come around

We discussed doing all the things on Sunday that we had planned for Saturday but were unable to accomplish due to her being sick, which included going to the gym, going out for coffee, going to Costco and Barnes & Noble...just little things.

I heard it all before
so don't knock on my door
I'm a loser and a user so I don't need no accuser
to try and slag me down 'cause I know you're right

I went into full-on pout mode...I got in the car and hauled ass home. No more room for errands...

What's happening?
Oh I skipped like three paragraphs because I suddenly remembered a Green Day song.

We got to the Barnes & Noble part and that's where the story takes a bad turn. I'm sitting in one of the aisles minding my own business, reading a book I had taken an interest in. Suddenly Elphie comes up to me in a rushed pace and quiet voice..."I just saw Sam." ok.......?? I didn't say anything... "I said hi..." ok........? I nodded and put my head back down in my book. She sat down next to me..."ready to go?" Ummmm, no. **I should explain - Sam is her ex-girlfriends dad.** I looked up and said "no, not really - are you trying to tell me you want to go?" I am reading her body language and covert voice inflections here...she is petrified that the ex is going to barge in to Barnes & Noble and cause a scene of sorts.

Usually it's good writing to put new dialogue into its own paragraph. I've had stories that go several pages without a full line because there's a dialogue between two people. You don't have to wall up, here.
It has what we in the business call "momentum" and makes for a quicker, enjoyable read instead of some fuck.
Starts to feel like an actual conversation between two people, you know?

then my head starts swimming...does she not want to be "seen" with me? Is she afraid seeing the ex will churn up old feelings?

I like how you call her unreasonable but look at this shit.
Goddamn.
Anyway I have this completely awesome plan to get leatherworking to 50. My plan is so genius I'm not even going to share it with other people yet.
On a completely unrelated note: if you're on Lindblum and have buffalo hides, sheepskin or Gigantoad skin I'm paying top dollar.

Is she truly afraid of a scene? Who would really cause a scene in a bookstore? She knows this girl rather well after spending six years with her - she should know how she's going to react. All of these things started running thru my pissed off mind... I grabbed my stuff, got up, walked to the front of the store to pay for the books I was reading. I am being KICKED OUT OF A STORE BECAUSE THE EX MIG

HT WALK IN????? BULLSHIT!!!!!

TOP DOLLAR. Don't try to sell me dodoskin though.

Apparently nothing was juicy about Elphie's counseling visit last week...if it was - I am failing to recall it. :)

HELLBENT FOR LEATHER, WISHIN' MY GAL WAS BY MY SIDE--
Man you're just a gross person. Writing all this fuck like anyone gives a fuck, acting like a complete twit while expecting others to do and act in ways you cannot or will not?
What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway? Is it even healthy to be this wrapped up in another person even if you're "in love" which is apparently the only thing that matters?
I think a lot more matters. Like progress and knowledge and shit.
No but you're intellectually dead inside. You probably don't even fully understand this feeling you call love. It's just a vestigial word for an emotion you've never truly felt. You've just heard about it and reckon your girlish crush on another girl is the genuine article. I swear to fuck everything you write just screams "high school drama" and "forbidden love" even though no one really gives two shits. What, did you miss out on that in high school (not missing much) and decided now would be the time at the ripe age of 33?
Fuck.
Anyway tomorrow is a new day. No rest for the wicked.