Super Barf IV

People have just been making a general nuisance of themselves lately. Standing in my way and just freezing in place to talk to their friends or whatever. It's like everyone is playing a game that I'm not invited to that will soon involve me punching them in the head.
Anyway here we go for today: Sassymisss (ruh-roh)

Two weeks ago I went on a date with a man I really felt was/is confused about his sexuality.

She knows you better than you know yourself, asshole. Listen up now.
So already this is really presumptuous but I must admit no girl has ever said this to me because I'm basically a paragon of manliness but let's see.

He reminded me of those guys who every one knows is gay years before they admit it themselves and then when they "come out of the closet" everyone says "We already knew."

So one of those guys-- what? She acts like everyone knew someone like this.
Actually wait yes I did know someone like this, huh.

He was very fun to be with and I instantly felt comfortable with him. I was back in seventh grade though. He was my best guy friend that afternoon and I could tell him anything, even about the other "boys" I'd recently been on dates with and we poked fun at the situations we'd found ourselves in, and we'd laugh hysterically and he'd poke me on the side and playfully push his body into me.

Wow I just copied this in and it looks even longer now. I want to edit it down a bit but I'm not sure where to cut and not get half a thought. Please self-edit for clarity as well as length.

I acted completely silly and goofed off with him as if I really was 13 again.

Wow look at how self-confident & zany she is-- oh man huge yawn just now.

I'd explain certain scenarios and attempt to act them out in front of him on an imaginary stage.

How old are you?
I know you were just making a joke (using "joke" loosely) about being back in middle school but I'm being serious. How old are you?

This all took place at a museum. We'd even poke fun at people we saw at the museum. Laughs galore, yes. But there was not one iota of physical attraction.

Hey I asked you a question. How old are you?

I really saw us becoming the best of friends or if for some crazy reason I decided to put my own feelings about his confusion of his sexuality aside and decide to date him, then I'd see myself in a "Will and Grace" situation.

Bro got friend zoned.

Really. He had a passion for female singers but he had an obsession with Regina Spektor.

Who?

He said "Regina, I felt, filled a void within me that I felt I always had, my whole life." Well, he meant that her songs filled this "void." Men don't speak like that, at least, heterosexual men don't.

Except Musashi who had an entire chapter in his book about having a void in you and being the void itself and shit.
No big deal just killed 40+ in honorable duels. With swords.
Certainly no pansy, anyway.

At the end, or near the end, he asked me to send him an email letting him know what I thought about our date.

Really, dude?

"Really?" I asked, "that's a bit awkward." "Is it?" he replied. "Well, I think so. I mean, seriously, you want me to do that?"

All right I think I just realized a problem with my own critiquing system. Had this been a fictional story I would have said "real people don't talk like this" but evidently yes, they do.
I guess I should rephrase that: "real people who aren't cunts don't talk like that."

"Well," he says," I guess not. I just wanna see how you feel about the situation, see if you might wanna go out again."

All right, whatever.

Well, there it was. He was asking me out again. It was a funny way to ask.

What a fag. Dating girls, what does he think he is? A girl? Wait, no--

(His straightforwardness was also a bit much for me. Men aren't usually in the vicinity of asking for a second date before the first one ends.)

Straightforwardness, definitely a trait considered feminine. Wait, no--

"It was fun. I laughed a lot, thank you. I think you may be gay."

Here would be my response to this text message:
"sick burn but seriously when can I pick you up?"
Of course I'd never date this cunt in the first place but this was kind of a hypothetical situation where I would.

I hope this doesn't make me sound petty or shallow but I don't think there is a way around it.

I already think you're pretty shallow so no risk here har har har

I have always believed that to find someone who you will form a truly significant relationship, it would have to be someone you already know, be it through school, growing up, friend of a friend, work and so on.

Wow, what an idea! To form relationships with people you have to, pfft, form relationships with people!

I always valued that idea. With our ever advancing technology and the internet,

I was rereading an essay I wrote last night and realized I included both the phrases "dark age of technology" and "relentless march towards an unblinking future". I have no idea what the latter one means but I don't think I was thinking about "writing about reading".
Relentless march towards an unblinking future. I think that's what space marines do.

"Online dating" is not at all like dating in the realm of your own physical world.

Oh really? The internet isn't physical?

Pictures are very important because one must be visually appealing to the other sex, first and foremost.

If you're crafty you can bypass the whole picture thing I'd wager.

I was shocked! How could someone represent themselves a certain way online and know that when they come to meet you in person they will notice the difference?

Yes the way I represent myself online is totally how I am in the real world.
Putz.

I did not know how I was to excuse myself from this "date" and I wasn't brave enough to say anything. I couldn't be anything other than polite and have conversations.

I was trying to think of a good Warhammer quote for this situation but I'm pretty sure the society that proclaims "there is no truth, only death" probably doesn't have much of an issue with lying.

It seems I've been absent for a while. The reason being is because my "love life" or my dating has had a significant lack of interest.

... Uh-huh?

Dating is hard enough to do when you meet someone alone, online dating I have found to be a bit more difficult.

Wait, are you implying all the shit that follows is interesting?

I have been on so many dates since the inception of my new decade and I haven't met a decent, probable candidate to sweep me away as I have hoped.

Inception of your new decade what?
I guess you just hit 30 (or 20 but that hardly seems something to be concerned about) and so you have to use this weird language that doesn't make much sense because, what, you fear aging?

I also started to wonder recently if maybe I may be my own obstacle in finding love. Do I give off the air of "I'm a fun girl and I just want to have fun?"

Let me put your fears at ease: no. So far you seem the opposite of fun, actually.

Do I not, in my personality, exert that I am a great person and I do want to find love? Am I just a fun first date?

Rhetorical question with an answer: you're not fun.

These questions pose a concern for me. If the answers are "yes," 'no," and "yes" how do I change this?

The answers are, in order, "no, no and no" and you should be more concerned.

In the past week and a half I had an exciting three first-date stint.

Oh my God do you think shit about shit? Do you know anything at all about... Not this?

I was home with my daughter and eleven year old cousin

You have a daughter?
First I'm hearing of this.
Wouldn't you think to mention something as significant as a daughter before now? Shouldn't you be looking for someone who is potentially a good father for your child? Shouldn't you, more importantly, be there for your dumb kid?

First of all, I'm certain I mentioned in my first post that I'm 30, single and looking for "ridiculous, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Doesn't exist, raise your stupid kid and shut up.

I'm 30, single, mom, waitress, I have an English Lit. degree from a very expensive school, currently looking to find my niche in writing and, to boot, a job in the same.

What a degree in just English gets you, folks.
I can differentiate between reality and fantasy, so I may not find "ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love" but a girl can dream.
I hate you.
Anyway this looks like her very first entry so that means I made it all the way through her blog without choking on my own vomit.
Hurray!