I found this group called "Atheist Parents" which is as annoying as a group called "Christian Parents", honestly. I hate everyone.
As rousing as it would be to review this community in its entirety (and believe me I could) I still think it's better to single one of these assholes out.
Actually yeah on second thought let's go for the community as a whole. Fuck it.
Interesting thing happened today; one of my first quandaries as an atheist parent.
HI GUYS ATHEIST PARENT HERE DON'T HIT ON ME SILLY BOYS~
Basically, my son had gotten a $25 gift certificate to T.J. Maxx, so I took him there today to pick out toys. He's 7 years old, but he's still very little-kid in his tastes (he's autistic, and we don't have TV, so all his choices are based on his own lil' head).
I really care about whatever the fuck it is I'm reading.
Like I said, we don't have TV, so I ask him, "Hey, let's get a movie!" I start pointing things out: Thomas the Train, Coraline, Dora, whatever else I know he likes. But no. His sights were absolutely, positively set on...
>ask
>exclamation point
Grammar.
You may be an atheist but meanwhile I pray at the shrine of APOSTROPHOS, GOD OF GRAMMAR! (creature of my own invention)
...Veggie Tales: Madam Blueberry.
I don't think I have to explain what VTs is.
What-- oh, that. Yeah that was popular at my middle school. I just looked at everyone like they had mental problems (and apparently they did) and moved on with my life.
I'm just fine now.
I happen to think it's harmless, even cute, but do I REALLY want it in my home?
Well a particularly astute observer might suggest you're being as unreasonable as Christfags are when they're confronted with reason and scientific progress but that's just me.
I mean, really, if you were so secure in your position you'd tell your kid "hey yeah let's check this bullshit out but prepare for disappointment." That's what I'd tell my kid, anyway. The Bible is a bunch of bullshit but some of the stories can still be fun for children so why not?
So my problem at hand was my young, autistic, insistent son wanted a Christian children's show to be put in his collection.
I mean you had a choice between fucking Veggie Tales and Transformers. I think you fucked up somewhere but the kid is autistic so what are you going to do?
Now they're whining about trolls--
"My heart just melted. At dinner, Cassidy told me about having religion class in church today and how they learned about the stations of the cross. She said it was "really neat to learn about how terribly Jesus suffered for us." She continued by saying how happy she was to be able to go to school with Jesus every day.... It just doesn't get any better than that. $2450 in tuition. Worth every penny."
Too many quote marks.
Well you dumb shit you take your kid to private school without investigating further and this is what happens.
my husband and i are expecting our 2nd child in may , and we just found out that it's a girl! hooray for team amazon!
Amazons cut off their right breast so they could pull a bowstring back better.
Just putting it out there for the next time someone has "Amazon pride".
what i want is to have all my kids have good, science-based names
... Uh-huh?
so the first child was a boy and we named him Bruce Faraday (Lastname).
>Bruce
>scientific
You're starting to lose me.
That was relatively easy because many high-impact scientists are male.
You know many high-impact scientists have names straight from the motherfuckin' Bible, and many of these names have the further benefit of not being douche names.
I guess my point is your kid is more likely to be a success by having a decent name than some bullshit made up fuckery. I'm not saying your method is less scientific (it is) but I do have the weight of statistics behind me on this one.
The best idea I have for this girl is Delta G. Lastname.
Know what I think of when I hear a girl named "Delta"? Porn star.
Delta your new name is Delia.
You know, for Gibbs free energy. While I haven't decided what G-name goes with that middle initial, I think it's a good start.
G-name. What's your great grandmother's name? That's her goddamn middle name, fuck me.
Delta is a good, old-school southern name that is uncommon, off the top 100 list, NON-RELIGIOUS, and largely free of connotation.
... No it isn't, shut the fuck up you Southern idiot.
However, my husband is NOT in love with this idea and thinks it sounds like a name for a character of a bad 80s space horror movie.
And yet my proposition of taking children from unfit parents and raising them in a monastery setting for the purposes of raising the future generation of soldiers was met with universal horror from everyone I told.
What, like Delta Tinkerbell is any safer on the hands of these assholes.
2) remind me of other cool, high-impact female scientists (i'm a biochemist/geneticist so i may not be familiar with the founders of your field)
Want a high-impact female scientist name, asshole?
MARIE CURIE YOU FUCK.
Jeeeeesus Christ.
Mary. What a perfectly normal name.
I took the kids to the zoo the other day, mostly to have something to do for a morning that wasn't hanging about the house.
To the lion cages~
Then we'll check out the birds of prey.
TEAGAN (my daughter, age 5): I want to know all about this snake.
Teagan. Your new name is...
Errr, T-names. Tina.
Tina is a fine name.
VOLUNTEER LADY: Well, ask me questions and I'll tell you about him.
TEAGAN: Why does he have those spots on his back?
Well little Tina the snake has spots on his back so he can blend into his environment better. Then he strikes before his prey even knows he's present. In this way the snake can down opponents several times his size and strength.
Let this be a lesson, Tina: a dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords at dawn.
VL: Well, honey, about all I can tell you is it's the way God made him.
WE ALL MUST ADAPT TO OUR ENVIRONMENT, TINA. THE SUCCESSFUL PASS ON THEIR SUCCESS TO THE NEXT GENERATION AND THE WEAK BECOME MINUTIA.
TEAGAN: No. Oh, it's camouflage!
Camouflage is the color of fear. Remember that always, Tina.
See, what I objected to with the lady's comment was not them mention of God. Teagan doesn't have any real context for that word anyway, and if she'd asked I'd have explained it.
Well I guess I can see what you're trying for here but while you're raising your kid to be a butthurt faggot I'm turning her into a professional assassin.
I'm not saying my daughter is a lot cooler or anything but goddamn yours sucks.
Hello. I'm actually an agnostic (as is my fiancee), but am quite close to atheism. In other words, like Richard Dawkins, I admit I cannot prove God does not exist -- but I view his existence as no more or less likely than that of Zeus.
Making fun of Zeus, motherfucker?
I've noticed that really, REALLY religious Christian families tend to have really well behaved children, and that seems even more prominent if they have a greater number of children.
They're just well behaved because they fear rebuking, not because they're actually intrinsically motivated to do good.
Here's my question: Have you noticed that the more religious the parents are, the better behaved the kids are?
I'll tell you what I've noticed: parents that give a fuck about their kids tend to have better kids.
My 13 year old is studying the medieval world this year. This quarter they are starting units on the Muslim World.
"We have a lot to thank the Medieval Muslim World for. Without their dutiful preservation of even older Greek and Roman knowledge we would have been utterly without the Renaissance, not to mention their continued advancements on that knowledge."
Wow that was hard.
At the age of 16yrs old, my son was born and I chose not to baptize him. Everyday for the first year, my mother and Grandparents told me my baby would be going to Hell if I didn't baptize him.
EVERYONE KNOWS UNBAPTIZED BABIES GO TO LIMBO.
Assholes.
One little boy started verbally attacking my daughter over her support for Obama. He said Obama has a police record, wants to turn white people into slaves and doesn't believe in God. He then told my daughter that she's going to hell.
Blend in, Tina. Be like water flowing around a rock. While the rock cannot harm the water, over time the water erodes the rock.
The teacher got involved and demanded to know whether or not my daughter had said that. She said she hadn't. The boy insisted that she had. The teacher said to my daughter, "Do you believe in God or don't you?" My daughter admitted that she doesn't. I don't know what happened after that because at that point my daughter started crying.
The teacher has all the power in this situation. Bide your time until she doesn't, Tina. It may not seem fair now (because it isn't) but there will come a time when this lesson is useful for you.
I have two little girls who have never seen, smelt, felt, walked in, or jumped in autumn leaves.
Lucky them.
“Okay, fine. I…I kind of got into a God fight in the cafeteria yesterday.”
HEY, ARE YOU WINNIN'?
What the fuck is a "God fight"? Is that what you kids are calling the Crusades these days?
Oh forget it. No one knows how to raise children anymore, goddamn. That's a sad state of affairs when a 22 year old guy with no air conditioning has to tell you what's what.
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