I guess it was always this way but goddamn.
Oh right, here we have a guy I think. Or it might be a girl. I can't really tell, as usual.
No, no I'm pretty sure it's a guy. Maybe.
i guess it often all just hits at once.
here's the story, just because...i dunno.
"I dunno" is a great reason to tell a story.
"I dunno here's a story about my journey to Hell or whatever. Guess it's kind of interesting, maybe not--"
so my church has this social networking site. yea, it's a little like fb, but it's more for connecting with people in the church and spreading info across the church in an efficient manner.
Huh. Couldn't you just, I don't know, announce this shit on Sundays when you've already roped everyone in and they're compelled to listen?
they send you like once a week updates in email of new posts & threads. i opened my email today. i rarely check these cause i don't use the site that much. one is a guy who is selling a flatscreen tv. i'm semi-interested so i click on to read about it. from the last i've known, it's my ex's bf. in the text he says that he's selling it because he needs cash because he's getting married in october.
... Okay?
so you sit there and think, "so the fuck what?" and that should be my reaction, too.
You better be arriving at the point or you're looking at a beating.
but it isn't. why does it bother me? it shouldn't, but it still does. i have no idea how to cut this out of my heart & mind. i thought i had already done it. i thought it was over. i thought my heart had moved forward.
Oh it's one of these blogs. Great.
You know, THESE blogs.
people say "you just have to move on."
i say, "how?"
"By not being such a goddamn pussy, how do you think?"
most people say, "it takes time."
i say, "it's been 16 months. how much longer is this going to take? how can i rid her from my fucking thoughts? how can i cut her out of my heart? i (clearly) don't know how to do this."
Whatever, powder puff.
what the fuck happened to honesty?
>People
>honest
youuuu.
i'm really tired of being drawn to people who can't be real with me. i'm never deceptive. i'm always upfront and honest and as sincere as i can be. i used to think those were admirable traits. i thought girls looked for those kinds of things in a guy. am i taking fucking crazy pills, here?
YES YOU ARE. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
dear you,
we were lovers, once. i remember those looks you used to give me, the ones where you looked into my eyes with all the hope and admiration in the world and just smiled endlessly with me.
Hoo-boy. Do you talk about anything else or am I in for the long haul here?
i still remember the day you left me. i remember how you cried, how i cried.
yet, one thing still bothers me. if you left me, why won't you get the fuck out of my dreams?
Zzzzzzz
you're a sweet girl & i miss you dearly. i truly hope you're doing well in this world & that you're taking good care of yourself.
Bitch left you, remember.
I know you're trying to be captain righteous here and the bigger person and all but you're still within your rights to tell her to get fucked.
I think a little conviction would serve you well, actually. Maybe the bitches would stop treating you like a goddamn pushover, which is what you are.
i hope you're eating more than just bowls of rice. if you've got a boyfriend, i hope he makes you feel beautiful.
"I hope you downgrade because you certainly aren't doing better than me you stupid cunt. I hope it takes you six months to realize it and then it'll be too late. I wish you a long life of mediocrity before an unfulfilling death."
i hope you realize what an awesome person you are. keep chasing your dreams, kiddo. you're an amazing artist. you'll change this world if you try.
"Death becomes you."
it's not that we should lower our expectations of people, per se
Speaking of today I'm getting my group project. I'm looking forward to a simple task made incredibly difficult due to the human factor. It'd be one thing if you idiots just let me do it (yeah yeah not fair to me, trust me it's easier than guiding your stupid asses through it) but nope, we have to cooperate.
but we should have more realistic expectations of our friends or lovers. they're human, too. just like us.
The huge difference here is I'm not trying to make life more inconvenient for myself.
seek after grace in your heart to make room for the faults of others.
Do what and what? Listen, I'm sure they're fine people. I just don't want to work with them.
the job?
transportation security officer. at the louisville international airport! (:
see if you make it through my security checkpoint....
Is that a come-on or a challenge?
but seriously, things are going well for me and my new ladyfriend, ashley. we talked about pursuing a dating relationship. i told her that i like her & i'm interested in getting to know her more and i that i want to proceed slowly & with caution.
Let's see. This was May 10th. Today is July 14th (or "69 days until FFXIV" as I've come to label the days), so that means this bitch he's mooning over he has known for perhaps only two months.
Unless this is another bitch he's mooning over in which case you should probably focus on the here and now.
my challenge is not projecting my past relationship to this one.
Oh I should read further before commenting.
Listen to me: shut up.
i have to say, there is a guy in my life who is an honest man. i get to work with him a lot of nights and he's just really encouraging. he tells things like it is, no matter how hard it may be to hear. he's one of the truest, most real people i've ever known.
Read: he agrees with me on issues important to me.
anyways, i talk relationships with him a lot. and he's been through pretty darn close to the same thing i've been going thru, so it's been good to just talk with him.
See?
When people say they want someone "real & honest" what they really mean is "I want people to agree with my world view."
Romans 12:21
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Silly Romans.
there's a rhetorical question that goes like this:
why put a new address on the same old loneliness?
There's another good rhetorical question that goes like this: "why are you such a douche?"
let's all clap for the american assholes who don't give a shit about starving people in the world:
The article he links is about a woman who wants to weigh 1000 pounds.
While this is a crime on numerous levels one thing I don't think you can accuse her of, per se, is not caring about starving people. Our pussy here seems to be taking the incredibly large leap of logic that "eating food = denying other people food" which I guess in a hyper-literal sense is true (technically acquiring power of any kind is, at some point, denying that power to someone else)
but for all he knows when she's not devouring entire McDonald's she's volunteering at her local homeless shelter.
Of course she's likely just watching Jerry Springer, but my point is he doesn't know this.
Besides it's a well-documented fact that many of the famines in Africa especially are artificially created by the governments there and this country alongside many others provide ample food for the entire population only to have most of it rot in warehouses.
So I guess the lesson here is don't provide people food without a solid infrastructure to get it to them.
Dear you,
one year ago, today, you left me. we became you and me.
Hey, listen to me. Marking time that way sucks. I only have to count down 69 days and already it feels like forever.
Although if you're in high school and are dreading going back to school, let me tell you a way to make your summer last for an eternity: sign up for a douchey class in the summer and look forward to something in the fall.
Enjoy your endless summer.
-i'm getting a tattoo soon, hopefully within the month
Cool. What's it going to be? Tribal band? Chinese letters?
Something pretentious?
just a few days ago, there i was, reading & writing down at Quills, the best coffee shop ever.
then she walked in...
"Oh it's you" and back to business.
Be polite but don't act like you really want to talk to her.
and immediately i was nervous. i mean, we haven't spoken in months.
i miss her.
but there she was, just a few feet away from me. her. this person i once looked in the eyes and called "best friend". and there i was, unable to even talk to her.
i decided to try to start a conversation. awkward.
Nope, let her approach you.
it was simple, catch-up conversation. how's school? how's work? you look nice. you know, the simple stuff. polite.
No you don't care that much. Let her ask all the questions. Reciprocate because it's the polite thing to do, but you're not all that interested so you have to go soon.
Listen to me I'm making you less of a goddamn sad sack.
lately i have been going through a lot of my old writings and reading what i used to write.
I found a story I wrote about four years ago and it was a lot better than I remembered.
Man I'm awesome.
so i got all nervous-like in my loins. after like 30 minutes, i work up the nerve and i go out and sit at the table with her. we start talking a little bit then just go for it. i say(and maybe it's stupid, but it's what i said): "if you're otherwise not seeing anyone else, i'd like to go out with you sometime." of course i expected rejection because this never works out for me.
Listen to me. You don't care if she's seeing anyone else. He's not your bro, you don't have to worry about stepping on his toes. Fuck that guy.
So anyway I'm getting a fucking headache now. I have to ready up for the "HUGE" (massive sarcasm quotes) quiz I have today. How am I ever going to answer a multiple choice test about Gardner's Multiple Intelligences or Vygotsky's theory of social learning and Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD, also known as scaffolding?)
It'll be a close call, here.
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