Free Porn- Click Here!

I was told that if I wanted more readers I'd have to have more enticing titles to my entries, and what, pray tell, could be more enticing than FREE, FREE, FREE porn?
Maybe next entry should be FREE PENIS ENHANCING PILLS or something, idk.
So here we have a blog that's the antithesis of porn. In fact, it's probably the singular most convincing argument to stay celibate and a cloistered monk forever.
I kid, really, because I could easily say that about any blog I've ever read ever including this one.

I don't think I mentioned this but about two, maybe three weeks ago our ceiling in the kitchen started leaking.

Yeah and the FFXI party I was just in was beyond shit. We all have our own problems. If that doesn't seem like a fair comparison then you really don't know how shitty this party was, okay.
So to keep a really long story about a leaky roof short (it was really interesting so I'm doing an extreme disservice to you, dear readers possibly in search of free pornography in which case I just seriously misled you):

"No," he said. "The dripping." "F***. Did you call Dad?" He had and left a message.

F***. Whew, close one there, jean_yus. Whenever I see the word "fuck" written out in its entirety I immediately launch my monitor through the window and OH SHIT THERE IT GOES~

I have also misplaced my glasses and if you know where they are please tell me. I can't go into surgery (if I have a section) with my contacts in, and I can't see ANYTHING without some sort of optical aid.

They're in the black hole cavern (don't think too much about that) you call a twat. OH SHIT, ICED.
Also my transformation into a Cheetos-breathing cave troll with a cloud of stink and flies around me is officially complete because I can't think of the word "optical" without immediately thinking of the Optical Hat from FFXI, one of the best (?) headgear in the game.

Without fail, anytime I leave work for the day, if my boss sees me before I leave, she thanks me.

You know in all of my classes save poetry (where I just have a look of supreme disinterest) I get an audible "there he is!" from my peers. That's right, the party doesn't start without me.

That if ever you are in charge of other people, in any capacity, the simplicity of thanking them at the end of their tasks is incredibly gratifying. It has made me more loyal to my boss, my job, and given me pride in the work (which, of course, I can't tell you about) that I do.

"hey thanks for doing that thing I pay you to do." No, my "thanks" is in your paycheck, dearie.

I talked to the midwives about them a bit yesterday and she just said, "Well, it's good to know your body is preparing itself." Uh huh. It's great. I'm ecstatic. My cup runneth over.

Oh hey how about that? Pregnancy hurts and shit. Maybe you shouldn't get yourself knocked up so many times if you don't like all of that, what's it, hours and hours of painful labor that goes along with it.
Also being a midwife must be one of the most thankless jobs imaginable, holy Christ. You could not pay me enough to do that shit, mostly due to my intense dislike of my fellow man.

I had today off. I had a glorious nap while Kate had her nap. I haven't had a nap in like six weeks and I forgot how positively wonderful they are.

I haven't napped in 22 years. Feels good, man.

Well, if you were looking forward to scrambled eggs made by me for breakfast this morning, Im afraid you'll be disappointed. I walked into the cupboards with the bowl and spilled the entire lot of it on the not as clean as it ought to be Kitchen floor. Instead you will be treated to toasted english muffins with blueberry jam, straight from Alaska, made by Sis, a little tart for some but we seem to like and you should too.

Wow that's really awkward. Also you're right: I was looking forward to breakfast at your house over a month ago, somehow.

The husband is out playing video games with a buddy/boyfriend who's birthday is tomorrow.

Ha, ha burn. You just called your husband gay. I see what you did there.

Have you noticed that every time you start something, especially if it has to do with your health, if you mention it to people all of a sudden there are horror stories everywhere?

No. I keep stories about my health to myself unless it's something really awesome, like the time I stepped on a nail and it went all the way through my foot.
It didn't really, but that somehow sounds more painful. It did go all the way in, though, so this isn't some superficial pansy scratch. This was piercing damage, bros.

We're pregnant!

Goddamn I hate it when people say this. No, unless you're the queen, "we" aren't pregnant, *you* are pregnant.

Procreation may have very well ended at Eve if we all lived like that.

>implying Eve existed
Did you know if the tale of Eve is correct (it's not but let's just assume for a moment) every sexual relationship is, by definition, incest?
It's a good thing the Bible condones (or is at least ambivalent about) incest.

I am declaring here that I am officially opposed to days of work that make me contemplate deeper theologies, the decline of society, and other such things two hours after quitting time.

I never even contemplate these things when it's officially homework I have to do for a grade in class. I just write shit down then get a paper back 2 weeks later with "A++ would read again" written on it and can't remember writing it.

Uhm, learning Kristine's friend's nephew's name made me less hesitant to post the names we've picked.

Girl: Lauren
Boy: Bowie

Yeah, no middle names again. Deal with it.

Giving you a 5/10 on this assignment. While Lauren is a fine name, Bowie (as in David Bowie, musician) isn't. It's a last name. Cut that shit out.

See, I had a migraine Friday night. At 8:15 I took a Tylenol #3. I got a little loopy, as usual, but the pain wasn't so much gone.

>Tylenol 3
>has codeine
>pregnant
hmmm.

Had my first midwife appointment today. They took gallons of blood, my blood pressure and my history. We tried to listen for the heart but alas, it doesn't have one. Or it's too little to hear. Whichever makes you feel better.

"No heart beat" makes me feel better, thanks.

So when my baby sitter handed me Twilight I took it and thought, "Hopefully I'll get to it in an acceptable time." I took it because it's a book and I'm a book hound. If you hand it to me and say it's good I'll at least give it a crack and see how it goes.

Anyway, I did open it and have been reading it. I'm probably 300 pages or so in. It's a light read. It's not taking much brain power. It's engaging enough, pulls me along and I'm totally happy to let Blair play his video games while I read. I think it's well written enough.

Hey thanks. It is my best seller, don't you know.
Well I think my work here is done. I'm going to leave you with my final thoughts on my FFXI party today:
It's a complex emotion.