Just kidding there is no preparation for this. You just hope your years of Space Marine training somehow sees you through to the end.
But it won't. Prepare to reap the inferno.
Introduce all your different personalities.
Today's writer's block. For once I was read to commiserate with the idiots on Livejournal who didn't understand this question but further proving they exist on a different plane of reality they all seemed to understand what was going on.
My different personalities?
Well here's me and here's me fucking angry. There you go.
This is pretty insulting, invasive, and triggery to systems that actually have been diagnosed with DID. Fuck whoever approved this writer's block.
Who
Cares?
But if we hearken back to the hoary ages gone, to the gate of eternal gloom we'll recall I offered a service whereby I'd document all of your pussies' quirks and idiosyncrasies and I promised I could save you a fuckton of money in lawsuits and people quitting over being butt devastated. Well here's where this service would have paid off, Livejournal. First five entries are people furious over this question because they have actual multiple personalities.
Ignoring multiple personalities is one of the rarest mental conditions there is if five people on the top (and I didn't dig into this at all) are this frustrated over this you conceivably lost business over this one little question.
Multiply that by millions of faggots and literally hundreds of offensive questions and suddenly my price is seeming more like a beggar's ransom, eh?
Also insulting to those of us who are multiples, publicly or in the closet.
Says one commentator.
Indeed. Even the phrasing, like it's an ORDER, is making my skin crawl. DID is a coping mechanism. Alters aren't there to pop in and out on fucking command.
She responds.
IT'S A DISORDER YOU FUCKING INSENSITIVE PRICKS.
I don't think that's what they were talking about.
I'm not sure why I'm defending them. I have no clue what the writer's block was even about today.
Maybe they are talking about multiple personalities, shit.
Agreed. I have contacted LJ to see if they will remove this topic. As a person who has DID/MPD, I was triggered, and I find it highly discriminatory. Imagine if they used "tell us all about your type of cancer" as a topic. Would THAT fly?
I imagine cancer patients and survivors have more to do than be butthurt over a nonsensical statement on a shitty has-been website dominated by Russians.
But I only work at a grocery store so here I am.
Big time. They are making me wonder if my $20 a year toward my paid account is worth it.
HOLY SHIT.
SEE, LIVEJOURNAL?
I would have only charged you 15 dollars to go over this writer's block. Honest to Christ.
My services could have saved you possibly tens of dollars today. You're hurting for business, don't act like you can tell people to eat a cock.
Also 20 dollars a year, seriously?
That's like a quarter of a penny a day.
Don't act all entitled over 20 bucks a year. My game charges me almost that much a month and it frequently tells its consumers to go fuck themselves when they're off their asses.
Which is more often than not.
Here's a post about Kony.
I can't believe I'm bringing attention to this nonsense but Joseph (I think) Kony is an African dictator in-- Uganda I believe.
So already this is more than I want to know about this guy but apparently he's a very mean man and has committed genocide and incited ethnic riots and employed child soldiers and all sorts of other naughty things.
And white people on the internet are very angry at him.
Of course when I ask why him over the literally hundreds of other dictators as bad or worse than him I'm met with blank stares because they're all 16 year old girls high on their first crusade.
This reminds me very much of that organization at every high school ever Amnesty International.
You know that group that draws a third world country's ruler out of a hat and decides he MUST BE STOPPED THIS WEEK and so you can write a strongly worded letter and for the change you have at lunch he can be stopped.
Of course I always made sure to ask the girl (invariably a girl) asking for my signature why a man who has no qualms about committing genocide and enslaving children to use as soldiers will suddenly grow a conscience at the behest of a bunch of kids writing letters half a world away and then I was told I was a mean person.
I don't think high schoolers are quite equipped (as I apparently was) to deal with the psychology of a madman.
But they sure fell for that scam of Amnesty International.
I ask you, who is worse? The man who commits the genocide or the carrion that feeds on the carcasses of the weak and ill-fortuned?
I was reading a post somewhere that asked rhetorically: How come the people who aren't stupid enough to fall for Nigerian phishing scams are falling for this?
Are you fucking stupid?
This isn't rhetorical. This has an actual answer.
To convince someone you have to appeal to logic, emotion or ethics.
The Nigerian prince scam only works on the hopelessly foolish as it appeals to neither logic, emotion or ethics.
But this Kony thing, hey. That's an emotional appeal. I don't like to see children hurt so I can stand behind this movement.
And the Ugandan people want freedom just like the founding fathers of my own glorious and prosperous nation did so that's like an ethical thing, too.
It stands to reason that all men would want to be treated fairly.
It has all three going for it.
Only people with superior reasoning skills like my own can see right through this.
I've stated it before and I will state it again: the only thing men like Kony understand is violence. No matter how passionate, he will not listen to reason, ethics or emotions. The only course of action is to hunt him down like a dog.
Of course pussies on the internet don't understand shit like I do.
You guys gotta read a book sometime, holy shit.
Here's a round of "marry, fuck, kill" that's supposedly impossible.
Rush Limbaugh, Kirk Cameron, Rick Santorum.
Suicide is not an option.
Go.
Well I'm not a woman so I can't marry any of these so I guess murder is my only option.
Chex cereal for lunch, because I do what I want. J. had to work today (bah!) so I don't feel obligated to be anything but grubby. Which suits me fine because my uterus exploded.
Hey, lets talk about my uterus.
Hey sure. I'm not doing anything.
The endocrinologist recommended I be put on The Pill.
Me mudder said no. Why? Because the Pope said no. Because JP2 knew all about the pussy and associated plumbing, I'm sure.
I've been playing a lot of FFXIV lately and I wouldn't cross the Pope. He's likely a powerful thaumaturge.
When I turned 17 (coincidentally the same time I became consensually sexually active), my periods stopped altogether. Of course this happened the month that I took it upon myself to get my ass to the gynecologist of my choosing and get a scrip for The Pill, which I couldn't take because you're supposed to start after your next flow finishes. Whatever, I said, and kept going along with condoms. I remember I had one ten-day-long gusher when I turned 20 and then kaput.
I really appreciate this frank discussion of your nether regions.
You know when I woke up today I said to myself "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO THIS FINE FRIDAY? I KNOW, I WANT TO READ ABOUT THE MENSTRUATION CYCLE OF SOME CUNT ON LIVEJOURNAL!" and lo, were my prayers answered.
When I was 23 I started seeing a gynecologist regularly, because J. and I were thinking about having children in the near future. She put me on The Pill, and gave me Provera to start a period artificially. By that point my ovaries were like, calcified.
This warms my heart and fills my muscles with a certain hale I haven't felt in literally a decade hearing about your calcified ovaries.
How many blogs have I said something like "it sure is a shame you can reproduce"?
Well maybe never but I was sure thinking it.
Here's a blog where I can't say that.
That is one thing this blog has going for it.
Children were not in my future.
So I shop at Lane Bryant and keep tweezers in every room of the house. I still get acne. I'm not as pretty as I used to be, which contributes to my agoraphobia (that's another post, people).
Praise
Zeus
About four years ago I started menstruating again. It's painful and untrackable, sometimes I get premenstrual symptoms, sometimes I don't. It ranges between a 25 to 40 days between flows.
If this were a Greek play the amount of gods you'd have pissed off to see this level of misfortune visited upon you would be the length of my arm.
Zeus
Hera
Apollo
Do you know how hard it is to piss off Zeus and Hera at the same time?
Pissing off one is likely pleasing the other so I don't even understand how this would be possible.
You must be an awful human being is what I'm getting at.
Actually I'm not sure what you did to piss off Zeus. Zeus sure doesn't like a whiner but I don't know. His other crimes include hubris and hypocrisy and you seem okay (as okay as a Livejournal user can be) on that front.
Do I resent me mudder for not allowing me to take the meds? Yes. But what I resent more is the bullshit patriarchal belief/political system that indoctrinated her to put the alleged wishes of some imaginary sky fairy, written about in a book thousands of years before commercial oral contraception was available, above the medical needs of her child.
Hera sure doesn't like people who disrespect their parents, that's for sure.
The will of the old gods should be observed not out of fear of damnation but because it is a good idea.
Also I like that bulletproof logic. It's not your mom's fault for being a stupid cunt it's somehow society's fault for--
wait, why is it society's fault again?
Patriarchal beliefs--
okay.
I'm a slut on my own terms.
Well at least Aphrodite would be pleased with you.
Except she is vain and only cares about beauty so I bet she'd be very displeased you make a mockery of her glorious and unburdened ways.
The will of the gods sure is hard to keep track of.
The sexist, homophobic, and sizeist drivel being directed at Jennifer Hepler? Stop for a second, and look at your own life. Then look at this woman who has written for some of the most successful and critically-acclaimed video games in history, who has created memorable, relatable characters that are part of the pop culture landscape.
Here's your tissues. We'll wait while you finish crying.
>Hamburger Helper
>creating memorable, relatable characters
So I'll explain.
There's a company called Bioware and they make video games known for their characters and plot and for actually telling a good story and shit.
This was circa 2000.
Well flash forward to 2012 and they hire some landwhale named Jennifer Hepler who couldn't write a believable character if you gave her the entire biography and told her to slap her name on it and suddenly women (who are now the primary consumer of Bioware games) are throwing a shitfit because the traditionally male dominated gamer demographic doesn't want their games to be a homosexual soap opera where you can skip the fighting to get to more gay sex.
Yes, one of her proposed innovations that's gaining steam is the ability to skip fights in RPGs.
Skip the fighting
in a game
about fighting.
But clearly this is homophobic, sexist and because she's fat.
Not because, you know, she's a scourge.
I'd also like to point out the traditional gamer demographic has never been known for its kindness and another man, Gabe Newell, is also frequently made fun of for being fat and yet no one ever mentions this because Gabe Newell is an all around good guy and doesn't give a fuck and is too busy being a billionaire to care what some nerds on the internet think.
Also he created Half-Life which is more than Hamburger Helper will ever be able to claim.
Hey, Hepler said it herself - they're just jealous because she has a vagina AND works in the videogaming industry. That's when they started spewing their frothy diarrhea all over her twitter, because SHE'S RIGHT.
She is EVERYTHING they want to be and she does what they WISH they could do, and she does with WITH A VAGINA.
Pretty sure the point she was making was she had a vagina and they'll never have girlfriends.
Which is a cunning strategy by an equally cunning linguist.
But when what's attached to the vagina looks like this I think you've kind of lost your point.
The good news is I can sit above it all because I was never a Bioware fan. I considered Baldur's Gate overrated and kind of outdated at the time and the first Mass Effect was an enjoyable but overall forgettable and derivative scifi game.
*highfive* you said it, woman.
Their discomfort with the inclusion of ANY romance in gaming, much less same-sex options, speaks volumes as to their real-life prowess *cough*lackthereof*cough* with meaningful relationships.
Oh shit son got 'em.
Actually every complaint I've ever heard about any romance in any video game hinges more around it being unbelievable or the spouse they chose would not have been one they'd have chosen otherwise.
Nerds being predictable creatures are more than comfortable discussing their lack of real world experience but are well known for being exceptionally choosy in terms of waifus.
In fact I imagine 90% of the problems in Mass Effect's brilliant romance subplot could have been eliminated if you could create your own waifu.
Also in a game where I'm literally a secret agent in space hunting an alien super intelligence somehow my interest isn't talking about purses and going to the mall with some blue slut.
Call this the difference between men and women's fiction I guess.
Seriously.
SORRY NECKBEARDS, WE'RE TAKING OVER. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
It's like, you aren't going to stop it, so just STFU and keep jerking your mini pork sword to sexed-up comic book characters, because we all know that you can't get any IRL.
You can't have "your" games or "your" little exclusive world back.
Now it's time to play my favorite game:
replace the word "neckbeards" with "blacks" or "Jews".
Suddenly seems a lot more hostile, doesn't it?
But go ahead you worthless cunts, have fun with your gay romance simulators. Your attention spans will lapse as they invariably do and you'll flit impotently to the next Facebook fad.
Ohhh goodness.
I like walking into the local gaming store with J. and having all these hunchedover douchebags having a LAN party suddenly go silent at the presence of ESTROGEN in their dank smelly MANCAVE OF HELL. Seriously, they have no idea how to act around females, its HILARIOUS when I ask questions about shit that ONLY MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT.
9/10 there's a woman working at the game store I go to and they're probably so taken aback at how much of a cunt you're acting they can't see straight anymore.
This is exactly what I was talking about before. Why am I supposed to be impressed by this? You don't see me marching into a crafting store and saying LOOK! I AM A MAN WHO SCRAPBOOKS!
Ignoring for the moment I don't scrapbook I wouldn't expect to be accommodated specially even if I were.
"Hey, do you have any WoW TCG loot cards? Specifically looking for vanity pets if you have any."
"I didn't know anyone wasted their money on useless vanity items in a video game. Good work shedding those gender stereotypes you useless sow."
And then I'd be fired.
Ohhh I can't wait for this girls and gaming fad to die. If only so Edie Finds a Corpse can go back to business as usual.
Look at me I'm a guy and I work in a store that sells cooking stuff
DON'T HIT ON ME SILLY OLDER WOMEN xP
Seriously. All the fucking manchild problems being faced by the manchildren? ARE THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT.
Remember: replace "manchild" with "African American".
If nerds seem angry because you're a woman it's because nerds are very angry people. You just happened to be a woman and in their line of fire.
If you were black guess what?
A Jew?
Asian?
Another white guy just like them?
Doesn't fucking matter.
I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I've been called a racist slur that doesn't even make sense. Angry, angry people.
So I'm going to cut this entry off here because it's pretty much more of the same from here on-- her whining about female problems, her getting angry at white nerds like myself for some reason--
Oh but before I go check this shit out:
And yeah that was a guy who stopped dead in his tracks to look at my character for like 5 minutes.I imagine if you were a woman in real life that would get very tedious and creepy but fortunately none of you on Livejournal are hot enough to manage that feat.
Hot brown girl?
Full Monk Artifact Armor?
Day 2 of the patch that added said armor?
Edie sure has it going on.
Not pictured: my half completed set of black mage armor.
Anyway this entry is way too fucking long already.
Goodbye.
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