What am I going to do now?
Luckily I endure as always.
You're really making this difficult, Livejournal. Why can't you help a guy out?
1.) Stay far, far away from the Baileys - that shit is ADDICTIVE. I could drink it straight and love it, and I think it's a testament to my self-control that I haven't completely drained our small bottle that we got for hot chocolate last night.
K.
Don't give a fuck.
2.) Send a very strongly-worded letter to whoever thought of the name Irish Car Bomb for a mixed drink.
Thanks for the Wikipedia link, cunt. I'm so uneducated and ignorant for your fancy speech I need cross referenced to keep up.
Srsly - that shit's offensive as hell. If any frat-boy douches here in the US actually went over to Ireland and asked for that in a pub, they'd get their asses kicked and they'd deserve it. That's like going to New York City and ordering a Bin Laden.
Get over it.
I'd totally order a bin Laden, incidentally.
So.
Like every good Socialist Liberal Devil-Worshipper, I trotted myself down to the Evil Satanic Den of Iniquity & Government-Funded Promiscuity yesterday to munch on fetus canapés and hand out condom pops and Plan B to 5 year-olds see about going on The Pill for my uterus's pesky habit of bleeding me half to death every time I'm on my period.
I had to edit this post to remove links and font effects.
One crossed out sentence per entry, thanks.
Also this whole post could be summarized in one fucking sentence:
she got some birth control.
Woooow so empowered you go girlfriend!
I so don't give a fuck. Her avatar is even the Mirror of Aphrodite (or the "female symbol" to normal people) with a fist in it.
You know, that clenched fist that usually represents annoying twats in college making my life a living hell trying to walk to class?
Radical feminist WHOAAAA so cool.
But you know what? I'm glad I have it. Because let me tell you - bleeding yourself into anemia and dizzy spells? Not fun, and not good for you. Furthermore, my reasons for needing the pill are no more valid than the next person who's actually on birth control to avoid pregnancy, whether they're sleeping with 1 or 100 partners. Our sexuality is not evil or shameful, and our bodies are not living incubators to be filled regardless of our wants or needs.
Why can't any of you cunts figure out a grocery store?
You go all the fucking time. It's not like the pineapples or lettuce or the basil has moved since the last time you were here. Do you really need a man to tell you everything?
Maybe this is why it took you a thousand years to get your rights.
Also the basil is there because if you refrigerate it it turns black.
Please tell all your bint friends so I don't have to repeat this seventeen thousand times a day.
On Sunday (lulz) at 6am, I will wake up and pop my pill in your honor with a smirk on my face.
(When I'm not, y'know, cursing about being a night owl who has to keep to an early bird schedule. But whatever.)
Gotta get up at 6 to bother me at work.
Unless you're a cute brown or yellow girl your interests are not the same as mine.
Except for that one yellow girl I was hitting on today. You really need to tell me you're in 11th grade first.
Apparently all guys who like Asian girls are pedophiles because she seemed like an adult to me and it's not like her mother looked that radically aged compared to her.
So that's the only conclusion I can draw.
This week in BUT WHAT ABOUT TEH POOR MENZ:
Women have privilege over men because more of us graduate from college, despite the fact that we get paid up to 30% less than the poor underappreciated men with those same degrees! ALSO ALSO WE CAN HAVE TEH BAYBEEZ.
I can't tell you how PRIVILEGED it makes me feel to be able to conceive a child that A.) I can't afford, and B.) could cause very serious health complications for me if I went through with the pregnancy.
So don't get pregnant.
Is this why you're so weird about birth control because you can't ever do what you're biologically meant to do?
You're basically half a person I swear to Christ.
Actually it's a good thing you can't pass your genes on. This is evolution at work.
Praise Zeus.
HONOR to live in terror of cranky old rich white dudes who want to take away my access to a safe clinical abortion as a last resort, and then my access to goddamned contraception as a preventive safety measure.
Really. I'm so blessed. It gives me such an advantage over men to have to deal with people seriously expecting me to NEVER have sex in my LIFE because I don't want kids.
Can you imagine dealing with people like this at a grocery store?
I'm not actually sure about the critical properties of red lettuce versus green lettuce outside of knowing lettuce is lacking in any real nutritive qualities in the first place but try to explain that to mrs. empowered here.
I ended up selling her the red one because that one kept falling on the floor and I was tired of picking it up.
I think I came up with some bizarre story about antioxidants and the color red.
Which might be true, I don't know~
I can tailor my bullshitting to your needs. One of the many top quality customer services I can render.
Also if it doesn't seem sanitary to be selling lettuce that has fallen on the floor--
Well, don't buy any loose salad or loose mushrooms.
Here's a post that's more link than actual words--
I can't follow this post at all--
Here's her picture and, surprise surprise, she's a hambeast--
This is me. I'm fat, I'm pale, I have no makeup on, my hair's a mess, my hands are shaky and making this thing blurry because I'm nervous and angry but dammit, I have to get this out there.
I'm still not ugly. I'm certainly not some mindless lumbering fat!zombie. I'm still worth getting to know and love. Even date.
Nope.
Not a svelte Asian or brown girl?
Not worth knowing.
I'm going to get someone to help me take better (and non-blurry) photos of myself after I've had a haircut, and then I'm going to post them publicly here and elsewhere. If people there can't handle it, then they can shut up and walk away or get on their knees behind my FAT ass(ets) and give it a BIG FAT KISS.
Now I have to go to bed, because it's been about 36 hours since I last slept.
I can handle it I just don't really give a fuck about you or your problems.
If you came into my store I'd listen to your bullshit and I'd help you with it but I wouldn't care.
I've told you the things you have to do to make our interests similar.
Like that high school chick. I was deeply concerned she couldn't find the Bok Choy.
Until I found out she was in high school then I felt weird. Then I promptly stopped caring about her problems too. Come back in 2 years, honey.
Some days I feel like I need to wear a MY NAME IS NOT BABY GIRL/SWEETHEART/HONEY/INSERT OVERLY-FAMILIAR PET NAME HERE sign around my neck when I'm working at the food bank and/or the clinic.
Seriously - is "Ma'am" or "Miss" too hard for you to pronounce? Are you physically incapable of asking my name?
I always call people ma'am or sir and I hope they can't hear the sarcasm in my voice.
So far so good.
Even though I just called that one girl honey. You got me, all right.
Item the second:
Aunt Flo is back with a vengeance - I've been through 4 tampons in the last 3 hours, y'all. XP I'm gonna have to stain-treat my jeans, dammit.
Great thanks for telling me.
Item The Fourth:
I got a fucking jury summons. When I may not have transportation to court before long.
I could be out of jury duty in a second with my "there is no such thing as innocence" rant.
Pleas of innocence are guilty of wasting my time.
Ohhh man well that's all for this edition.
We really need to have a chat, Livejournal. You're really making this shit difficult.
Also I must draw attention to the last post I did.
Check that comment out, awww yeah.
Guy was cyber stalking a girl online (we've all been there, I'm not gonna lie) and thanks to someone's (me) sage advice in the form of calling someone a cunt he decided she wasn't worth the effort.
Or that's how I'm interpreting this.
I think we all need to take a time out and acknowledge how awesome I am.
I figured I was the only one who regularly read this blog but apparently I was mistaken.
What's wrong with my reader(s)?
Why would anyone want to read incessant unrelated side comments about video games sandwiched between some cunt whining about fanfiction?
I don't get it.
Also guy you have to tell me what entry was so compelling you decided not to ask a girl out over it.
Of course my one reader is a man. No woman is sticking through this shit, holy fuck.
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